How to Prevent Unicorns from Stealing Your Car and Other Funny Stories

by Oleg Medvedkov

Imagine yourself reading humorous stories by Mark Twain, Jerome K. Jerome, Ambrose Bierce, or O. Henry. Or watching Blackadder and Dick Van Dyke make funny jokes. Well, this is not it, exactly. However, this is as close as it gets for a modern humor book.

Here you'll find a collection of funny stories. While designed to be the funniest book for years to come, this turned out to be merely hilarious, with a few funny jokes and humorous punchlines. The humor in this book comes from the dialog and interaction between characters and is based on the following

★WHEN YOU EXCLUDE ANYTHING THAT IS IMPROBABLE, WHATEVER IS LEFT, IS NOT AS HILARIOUS.★

What this is intellectual humor, political satire, or a humorous book that makes you think. This is simply a "laugh out loud" entertainment, as silly as it gets. If and when you have a few minutes to kill and need a laugh, that's when reading this self-proclaimed "humor book" comes in handy.
 
✔ Car theft by the seemingly unstoppable Unicorns has become rampant. Protect your vehicle from these paranormally despicable evildoers by reading this easy How-To guide.
✔ The CIA secret agent is trying to infiltrate the infamous KGB. Would the spy succeed in becoming a double agent or would his mission sidetrack into a more ridiculously gripping "danger zone"?
✔ Any touching love poem translated verbatim from medieval French is laugh out loud hilarious to a modern reader. The Eye is a Window to the Soul is doubly so.
✔ An enthusiastic pitbull with an unstoppable zest for life makes a new friend. Would he listen to his wise girlfriend who wants to keep him grounded or would he go where no dog has gone before?
...and more!

➨ Oleg Medvedkov is funny, no, Oleg Medvedkov spins tales of uncovering the wildest forms of human behavior - that sound strangely plausible. And that is one reason he is so hilarious - his insanities skip past us every day. Oleg just notices them for what they are. -Grady Harp, Top 50 Reviewer, Hall of Fame Reviewer
➨ Humorous stories that are delivered in a fast-paced madcap style that never slowed down. -J. Chambers, Top 50 Reviewer
➨ The pages flew by. -Dennis Littrell, Top 500 Reviewer, Hall of Fame Reviewer

P.S. If you've had the perseverance to read the above self-serving nonsense that is designed to make you buy this book all the way up to this point, consider me duly impressed - you are a saint. We should do lunch sometime.

Genres: Humor

37 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 21, 2012

Reviews

[Olethros · Rating 3 out of 5]

-Humor surrealista.-

Género. Relatos.

Lo que nos cuenta. Once relatos breves que tocan temas tan dispares como la expresión “te quiero” pero desde diferentes puntos de vista, un nuevo tipo de correo comercial no deseado, formas de terapia, valoraciones paleontológicas, poesía medieval, emisiones “radiofónicas” tribales, sugerencias para crear tendencias, el informe de un doble agente falso infiltrado en Rusia y consejos para evitar que los unicornios te roben el coche, entre otros temas. Libro perteneciente a la serie Take a Break and Have a Laugh.

¿Quiere saber más de este libro, sin spoilers? Visite:

http://librosdeolethros.blogspot.com/...

[Diane Rapp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love it or hate it—just read this book for your health

When I started reading this short book of humor, I knew it should be funny but had no idea what to expect. It appears that reviewers either love it or hate it. I was hooked from the first page and kept reading to find the unicorns. (I'm very fond of unicorns.) By the time I read one chapter I forgot about unicorns and kept wiping laugh tears from my eyes as I continued reading.

Oleg Medvedkov has a wicked and wacky sense of humor. I felt like Alice, dropped smack into a Wonderland tea party. I imagined the Mad Hatter at the head of the table smoking a cigar between jokes...a bit crazy but lots of fun. Did I see the Cheshire Cat grinning over my head? I'm not sure...he disappeared when I turned to look.

I finally reached his advice about unicorns and felt impressed by his self-proclaimed track record. He's never had a car stolen by a unicorn. Follow a few simple rules and a unicorn should avoid stealing your car. (It might be difficult to drive around town, but I won't reveal more.) Find out more by reading Oleg's logic.

When I finished this book, I decided to keep it on my Kindle and read it again tomorrow. Since laughing helps people live longer, I recommend this book to anyone interested in increased life expectancy. Love it or hate it, just read this book for your health.

[Uvi Poznansky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Faced with this title, How To Prevent Unicorns From Stealing Your Car, I said to myself, Hmmm... Didn't know unicorns had any particular taste for cars, let alone mine, when they can simply spread their wings and fly away... Then again, that's me. Boringly logical. That's not the writing in this book, where Oleg Medvedkov shows no hesitation in creating the craziest juxtapositions between the daily, mundane happenings of our everyday existence, and magical creatures from the realm of fairytales.

Being a poet I was immediately drawn to the third story, How To 'Wax Lyrical' For fun and Profit. It is presented in an email exchange format, the content of which can sere to teach anyone how to be a snake oil merchant. The logic here--and throughout the book--is insanely, hilariously funny. here is a brief example:

"Let me assure you, Waxing Literal is not a song! It is THE fastest way to achieve all your dreams in the shortest possible time. Now, I know you are skeptical... DO NOT BE ALARMED! We will not ask for your credit card number, I assure you! We have trained personnel located in Bombay who will do that."

Here is from the story How to Prevent Unicorns from Stealing Your Car:

"Just one small point to emphasize that I DO know what I am talking about: no unicorns EVER stole a car from me!"

And there you have it. Oleg Medvedkov's observations of the little routines of life lift the daily clutter into a place where lunacy is commonplace. Perhaps it is entirely possible, and even necessary for keeping a smile. So, have a laugh!

Five stars.

[Christoph Fischer · Rating 5 out of 5]

"How to Prevent Unicorns from Stealing Your Car and Other Funny Stories (Take a Break & Have a Laugh Series.)" by Oleg Medvedkov is a lovely selection of funny short stories, most non-sensical, absurd and all most entertaining.
The title story is an actual check list of things to do to avoid theft of your car by said unicorns. Other stories concern a spy mission that went off the rails, current trends in communication ( and its technology) and the polishing of one's publuc image, to name but a few.
With wit and warmth Medvedkov has a laugh with the objects of his humour instead of ridiculing them heartlessly. At times it shows however that there are observations and truth behind the fun. Light hearted and pleasant the book is a very nice way to spend an afternoon

[Michala Tyann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not often does one come across a book of short read that can spark your imagination and tickle your funny bone. Oleg has done both. I admit I didn't read every single one but there is definitely something for everyone in this book...And I can say with a decent amount of assurance that there is likely a good number of somethings for everyone. I was entertained by a solid five short reads in here, making me laugh and think....it's amazing the creative mind the author has. You wouldn't believe some of the things you will come across in this book.
Michala tyann
Www.bitemybook.com

[Dennis Littrell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brief tales from “the Maximum-Security Prison for the comically insane”

The first vignette, “The Spy Letter,” afforded me some chuckles. The next few pieces, despite elaborate word coinages and over-the-top attempts at hilarity (suffused with an underlying satirical intent) merely raised my eyebrows (both at the same time).

Yet the pages flew by. Then I came upon “The Eye is a Window to the Soul” purporting to be a French folk song written by Baron Alphonse de Hugg in the 11th Century that was translated from the medieval tongue by a “Professor Tilly-Pimkin.” This reminded me distantly (very distantly) of the unconscious deleterious self-revelations in Browning’s poem “My Last Duchess” and I was again returned to bemusement (or was that stomach gas?). At any rate, for your delectation I will quote a line or two.

“When I am told that eyes don't shine, I laugh and kick my servants. For if I don't kick them, then who will? The cross I have to bear.”
...
“I also like to hunt wild boars and shoot them from afar. For boars are nasty creatures who remind me of Germans, yet tastier.”

As for the title tale, it begins like this: “I've been asked by the only reader of my blog how to prevent unicorns from stealing your cars. Mom, it is your lucky day!” A couple of pages later the narrator recalls, “...unicorns took the Pope-mobile for a joy ride. They returned it in the end, but not before they covered it with vulgar graffiti and the entire works of Karl Marx.”

I thought the longest piece in the book, the “Meeting of the Transient Luminaries Transcript” was a bit overdone, kind of like chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream covered in whipped cream and melted chocolate fudge washed down with a 64-ounce draft of Coca Cola.

In addition to Barons suffering from “noblesse oblige” and people fearful of having their cars stolen or people in secret societies Oleg’s satirical rapier skewers “lolcats” verbiage along with “the punk demographic and... people who try to look cool but aren't between the ages of 18 and 34.” The man has no mercy.

Okay, satire—especially a turbo’ed burlesque of satire, which is what I might call this collection—is not easy. It’s hard to tell when too much is not enough or when not enough is way too much. The other problem is that the intense wordplay and verbalisms that Oleg revels in have to be taken a little at a time or they lose their savor like too much of any good thing.

—Dennis Littrell, author of “Novels and other Fictions”

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a few books by Oleg Medvedkov by now and loved them all. This book, like his other ones, is funny, wild, imaginative, and quirky. But there's more to Oleg's humor than just pure entertainment. He provides us with scenarios that make us think. As an educator, I think that his books should be required reading in critical thinking courses. Why? Because the wild exaggerations he creates make us consider our own behaviors and gain a sense of perspective on ourselves and the society we live in.

His piece titled "How to `Wax Lyrical' for Fun and Profit" makes us more critical towards numerous infomercials, sales letters, and other attempts to convince us to purchase or use things and services that are not needed at all. The funny and fake testimonials at the end of the letter just add to the effect.

"How to Say `I Love You' in Different Languages" pokes fun at the stereotypical behaviors we tend to exhibit or tend to see in others - it's up to the readers to decide how they will interpret it.

"How to Set Trends, Five Easy Lessons" was especially funny to me because the ridiculous steps on the way to achieving the status of a trendsetter reminded me of behaviors of some of my students.

And I'm even afraid to comment on "Meeting of the Transient Luminaries Transcript." It's the beginning of a new semester in my college, and I've been to at least three meetings exactly like described in it over the past week. I've gone to meetings complete with prolonged discussions of minute details that get more and more lost in the flow of words as the meeting progresses. I've had days full of committees and subcommittees getting formed with the sole purpose of forming committees and heard discussions that seem to occur "in Greek first," but nobody seems to notice the ridiculousness among us. If this book were required reading, maybe we would learn to take ourselves less seriously, stop buying miracle cures for non-existent problems, shorten our meetings, and just get things done. Great book!

[Sabrina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I caught this collection of 11 short stories as a freebie and was lured in by the interesting title & naturally unicorns. Who can resist unicorns? Even car thieving ones.

A fast and fun read although I only really enjoyed a few of the stories, most of them were misses for me. Maybe I am just not a short story type of person.

[Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very short book (34 pages) of even shorter stories. They weren't the normal type of funny. They were so ridiculous you couldn't help but be amused. I couldn't have read the whole thing if it was a regular length book but being so short, it was a cute diversion.

[Ami · Rating 4 out of 5]

Charming and witty but best of all this book causes out-loud laughs, giggles and snickers. It is a short book. It took me a month to finish only because I lost it. So don't let that sway your decision to give it a try.

[Amayzun · Rating 2 out of 5]

There was nothing funny about this book to me.

[Saresse Fortman · Rating 4 out of 5]

An entertaining, quick read.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

entertaining :)