In the Stillness

by Andrea Randall

Natalie is a wife.
Natalie is a mother.
Natalie is a cutter.

Clawing at walls built by resentment, regret, and guilt, Natalie cuts as an escape from a life she never planned.

Staying present is only possible when you let go of the past. But, what if the past won't let go?

Genres: Romance, Contemporary, New Adult, Contemporary Romance, Dark, Military Fiction, Fiction

449 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 9, 2013

About the author

Currently working on a new New Adult series,titled, "Jesus Freaks".

Titles Now Available:

In the Stillness

Nocturne

The November Blue Series:
1. Ten Days of Perfect
2. Reckless Abandon
3. Sweet Forty-Two
4. Marrying Ember
5. Bo & Ember

Novellas (stand-alones):
1. Something's Come Up
2. Bar Crawl


I started writing poetry long before writing fiction. I firmly believe Poetry is a solid foundation for all other forms of writing. It taught me that a single word can make or break the world.

I write fiction because my characters have a story and they want me to tell it.

I hope you enjoy the pieces of my soul that I share with you.

Reviews

[Aestas Book Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

6 HUGE STARS!!!!

Powerful. Painful. Raw. Emotional. Beautiful.

In The Stillness blew me away. A painfully heartbreaking, emotionally charged and beautifully crafted story of love, loss and healing.

YOU ALL SHOULD READ IT!!!!!!

I have to admit, when I first heard about this book, I was a little scared to start. It had a lot of dark and painful themes – namely that the heroine was a cutter. But from the few people I’d talked to who’d read it, all I heard were incredible things.

What convinced me to start though was finding out that it was a second-chance romance (one of my favorite kinds of love stories) and also honestly, just the sheer, raw, emotional reactions people were having to it peaked my curiosity to no end. I just *had* to see what it was all about.

My gosh, was it just mind-blowing. The writing was flawless and just so raw and honest, with perfect pacing and a beautiful flow to it that fully conveyed every emotion the heroine went through.

The book’s blurb really doesn’t tell you what the story is about so I’m going to ‘set up’ the story a bit for you so that you can get a feeling of what it’s all about:

Back in college, Natalie and Ryker fell in love. Truly, madly, take-over-your-life deeply in love. But after 9/11, he was sent off to fight. And when he returned, his body was in tact but what he’d gone through had left him with a severe case of PTSD.

“His body came home, but his soul had been devoured in the firefight of a godless desert.”

Situations escalated and some lines were crossed and they broke up. A decade later, Natalie finds herself in a marriage she never wanted, with kids she never planned on having, straying further and futher away from the life path she always dreamed of. She feels trapped and utterly miserable. Each one of her hopes dreams have come crashing down and every turn in her life has taken her further and further away from happiness until it just pressed in from all sides and became over whelming. And so she cuts.

Cutting for Natalie was a release from the pain of her life. I may not have been able to relate to Natalie on a personal level but I certainly understood her. She was in a dark place. Utterly and completely unhappy with her life, and yet stuck with it. With responsibilities and duties that tied her down in a way that made her feel utterly trapped, and thus fueling her unhappiness. It was a never ending cycle. Or, more like a spiral actually, that pulled her deeper and deeper into the darkness. Cutting was her way of finding control and finding release. It wasn’t right, or healthy, but it was her coping mechanism.

“I feel like a caged animal, rabid with need for freedom that was stolen from me.”

And then one day, out of the blue, she sees Ryker again. I won’t tell you any more, but just know that I loved every single line of this book.

The story is told in told in a mixture of flashbacks and present day story lines. The writing is just so fluid. There are no wasted words, no extra fluff. And despite the fact that it jumped back and forth in time, the segments were arranged in such a way that I was never once unsure of what was going on and the pacing and flow of the story was such that I there were no interruptions in my connection to the characters. You could just feel it in every scene that a great amount of thought, time and research had gone into the creation of this book.

I loved the kind of love that Natalie and Ryker had. Ryker was just it for her. You know? They had the kind of love that just makes you shake. Cry. Laugh. Ache right down to your soul. It was an irreplaceable love. The kind that, once taken away leaves a hole that no other person can ever fill.

“I love you for a reason, Natalie. You’re mine and I’m yours.”

I can’t tell you how strongly I felt their love and their pull towards each other. It wasn’t because of epic swoon or anything. Their lives were just an imperfect mess of wrong turns and yet STILL the sheer strength of their pull towards each other was just overpowering. Natalie’s best friend summed it up perfectly:

“You two had something special — it’s the circumstances that were shitty.”

I felt like I was on a constant emotional overflow. For the final half of the book I read alternating between crying and having a lump in my throat. My eyes were never dry and often tears were just pouring down my face. It was just one emotional hit after another. There were times when I had to stop reading for a minute or two, simply because I couldn’t see the words any longer through my tears.

I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I’m going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop.

But don’t, please. Don’t tell me to stop...

With everything,
~Ry

Everything about this book was realistic, raw, and never hid the truth from you. I honestly can say that I do not have a single complaint about this book. Do I wish I could take away the pain of their lives? Sure. But would I change a single word of this book? No.

Something which was very important to me in this story and that I admired in Natalie was that despite all the pain, depression, and misery she was feeling in the inside, she never once let that seep into her relationship with her kids. She may not have wanted to be a mother, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a good one. She was kind, sweet, patient and loving to them. Always. For some reason, I wasn’t expecting that of her going into the story, and I was pleasantly surprised at that side of her. To me, what that proved more than anything was that she wasn’t truly messed up, she was just dealing with an overwhelming amount of sadness and needed an outlet. But the fact that she kept her outlet contained to herself spoke volumes about her as a person. At least in my eyes.

I honestly could not put this book down. Not even for a second. It was the kind of story that sucks you right in and makes you want more. The story was constantly moving forward, with no slow spots. It build in layers giving you more and more pieces of the story until everything made sense and everything came together.

Everything about this book broke my heart. But in a good way, you know? I just had to believe that out of the horrible mess of their lives, there was some room, some hope for a happy ending.

And it did have a happy ending. You really got the feeling that they had gotten to a good point in their lives where from that point forward, they’d be able to rebuild and heal together.

I will say though that despite my giving it a 6-star rating, I would just LOVE if the author would write an epilogue one day. Not like a whole chapter, and not even more of the story at that point, but I would have loved a glimpse into their lives maybe a few months, or even a few years down the road. I mean, I know in my head how it would have all played out, but it’s something I would have loved to read in her words.

That being said, the book was just PHENOMENAL. Seriously. One of the best I’ve ever read. I adored it with all my heart and it’s earned itself a special place in both my heart and on my favorites shelf.

I really hope this book gets picked up by a publisher. It deserves to be distributed on shelves all around the world. I feel it’s the kind of story that regardless of whether or not you can relate to it, there is just no way that you won’t feel it deep down to the very bottom of your heart.

So far, I’m calling this the best stand-alone book of the year!

I highly, highly recommend it!!

6 stars.

CASTING (see above)


****************************

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[Kristin (KC) · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+++ Stars!!!

This has easily become one of the most astonishing books I've read all year! Powerful, candid, and exceedingly emotional is how I'd best describe the beauty that is In The Stillness.

I exist. Right? ...This is the chilling opening line that perfectly sets the stage for the self-doubt and devastation that will flood the pages to follow. It poses both a question and a statement...and we eventually find the answer and affirmation to each.



Natalie Collins is a cutter. Yes—very blunt and forward to say, and that's exactly how this stunning book is written. Natalie is a mother of two, trapped in a loveless marriage to a man she resents. She is overwhelmingly riddled with guilt and despair from a past that continues to haunt her. She cuts to release. She cuts for control. She cuts so her external pain will numb her insides. She knows it's wrong and ultimately helps nothing, but she's so broken and this often becomes her quick 'fix'.

The first cut most certainly is not the deepest. If you started with the deepest, where would you go from there?

Before Natalie's bleak marriage to Eric, Ryker Manning was her first love. When circumstances pulled Ryker away, Natalie was left to fight her way back to wholeness. Ryker sadly returned as an empty shell of the man he once was; and thus began the downward spiral of anguish, torment, and heartache.

He's just the first person I ever saw not exist while they were still walking the earth.


Until they meet again...

Natalie's story is unbelievably sad but so desperately beautiful. Her pain is gripping as it seeps from the pages, and will no doubt choke up the reader. It was difficult being introduced to the world of a cutter; hard to read and devastating to imagine...but then you sort of become numb to it, as Natalie had. Natalie's behavior, at times, isnt easy to witness; it's tangible and in-your-face and you can't help getting swallowed up by it.

I don't think a story has ever affected me so deeply or ignited such intense emotion as this one has—and I loved every minute of it. I would put the book down and continue with my day, but the story stayed with me; infused in my thoughts and embedded in my emotion. I couldn't shake it. It honestly chilled me to the core.

The writing is flawless; incredibly raw and undeniably real. It flows gracefully through flashbacks until the past and present eventually collide. The candidness of the writing was the most astounding aspect by far. It followed suit with the raw power of the story.

As you have probably already concluded, this is not a lighthearted read. There were dark moments that took my breath away. But there were also moments of clarity; beautiful moments where tears of pain were transformed into those of happiness. The ultimate transformations were made sweeter by the all-consuming hardships. Most of all, this book allowed me to FEEL, to the point of exhaustion by its final page...And there is nothing greater I can ask for in a story than that!

I'm going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. But don't, please. Don't tell me to stop.


Book Stats:
▪ Genre/Category: Contemporary Romance
▪ Steam Caliber: Mild and emotional
▪ Romance: Complicated. Heartbreaking. Gradual connection.
▪ Characters: Broken beyond belief. A lovable, lost hero and a disturbed and sad heroine.
▪ Plot: Dark topics. Intense storyline focused on redemption.
▪ Writing: Beautiful, professional, and engaging.
▪ POV: First person: Heroine
▪ Cliffhanger: None/Standalone
▪ HEA? Yes

[Brenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 +++ Stars

This is one of the best books I have EVER read. It’s been days since I finished and I haven’t been able to bring myself to even open another book. Massive book hangover! I am so incredibly in love with this book!

In The Stillness is a fabulously written, thought provoking, emotional, heart-wrenchingly beautiful story about love, loss, grief, forgiveness, and healing.

It is Natalie’s story. Natalie is a wife and the mother of young twin boys. She had plans, goals, and dreams of a life traveling, learning, and experiencing new things. That all changed when she got pregnant. Now Natalie is struggling day to day with a life she never wanted and issues unresolved from the past.

I dread the thought of going to bed right now, to lie next to the man I once cautiously planned a future with in my head before one was planned for us.

This book is told all in Natalie’s perspective, but alternates from present time to flashbacks of Natalie’s past. The flow and transitions were handled flawlessly. It added so much to the story and was effortless. Every piece of the story being revealed at exactly the perfect moment. The past moments mostly revolve around her college romance with the love of her life, Ryker who got deployed by the National Guard shortly after 9/11.

God, I miss you.
I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I’m going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. But don’t, please. Don’t tell me to stop.
I love you.
With everything.
~ Ry

I felt so many intense emotions while reading this book. For one, the love Ryker and Natalie shared, I just felt it. To me, it is one of those love stories that can’t even be explained, it just is. You just know that these two characters are meant to be together.

Natalie has so much built up guilt, pain, and anger that it becomes unbearable and she seeks release the only way she knows how. Cutting. This isn’t something I know much about, but the way it is described in the book was so well executed. I could understand Natalie and her intense need to cut.

The pain felt strangely good. I controlled it. It felt like the only thing in my life I could control inside that moment.

I really understood Natalie, and could appreciate her as a character. She may not be the most likeable person in the beginning, but she is real. Real isn’t always pretty or happy, it can be ugly and depressing. We got to hear every guilty thought, every unspeakable thing that crossed her mind. I think that’s why I loved her, because it was just her raw, uncensored self that we were able to see. The author was able to make me love a character so completely broken. So completely different from me, in her actions, in her wants, everything. But I was still able to identify with her in some way, that’s remarkable.

There is so much to this story that I didn’t tell you, but that’s the point, for you to find out for yourself. But I can tell you that it has a gorgeous hero and love story, a few twists/shocks, a freaking awesome best friend (absolutely LOVE Tosha), and an incredible story of healing. Although this is quite an intense, dark read, it is very uplifting as well. By the end I was so overwhelmingly happy, I could not wipe the smile off my face.

I highly, highly, highly recommend this book. It is very different from anything I’ve read and touched me on such a deep level. It is also beautifully written and so well thought out. I am in awe of Andrea Randall for bringing this story to life.


“From the moment I saw you on the common, I knew I had to kiss you. And, the second I kissed you, I knew I could never let you go.”

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+ MUST READ Stars!!!

Natalie is a wife.
Natalie is a mother.
Natalie is a cutter.

What can I say about this story... It was an emotional and beautiful story of healing, forgiveness, redemption, and a second chance at a first love. One of the best books I have read this year. I would recommend it to everyone.



This is Natalie. Natalie’s life hasn’t turned out according to plan. Not at all. She is supposed to be traveling to world with her anthropology degree. Instead, she is tied down. Married to a man whom she is not in love with. A stay at home mom with twin boys. Natalie can’t cope. She can’t handle it. She is miserable in life, she feels tied down and utterly unhappy. So she goes back to her old coping mechanisms. She cuts.

Just a little. Just one more time.

It feels so good to have the pain go away, just like that.

This story goes back and forth from past to present... Natalie went through something 10 years ago. She was dating a guy, Ryker. Ryker and Natalie were in love. At first sight, they kissed. It was over for her then. She was so in love with him.

“From the moment I saw you on the common, I knew I had to kiss you. And the second I kissed you, I knew I could never let you go.”

Ryker was in the National Guard. Then 9/11 happened. Ryker and his best friend Lucas went to Afghanistan.

I love you so much, Natalie,
and when I get home I’m going to keep loving you
until you tell me to stop.
But don’t, please. Don’t tell me to stop.
I love you.
With everything.
~ Ry

While Ry is gone, Natalie finds it difficult to make it through. They communicate with letters, and the occasional phone call, but its really hard. She is scared, worried, and this is were the cutting first begins. Ry comes home, but nothing is ever the same again. Ry isn’t the same. He has PTSD and their relationship is all over the place. It gets even worse when Ry says he wants to reenlist.

“I’m scared that if you go back over there, you won’t come home this time.”
"
I didn’t come home last time, Natalie."

A lot went down between Natalie and Ryker. Natalie falls apart. She gets treatment, starts her life again. Something big happens, and they don’t see each other again. Not for 10 years. In that 10 year period, Natalie meets Eric. Eric is a grad student, handsome, smart and he falls for Natalie. Then Natalie gets pregnant. She doesn’t know what to do. She wants to finish school, live her life, but Eric begs her to keep the babies and marry him. She does. And thats were we are now. Natalie is resentful, and unhappily married to Eric. Eric loves her, or at least he claims to. He wants to help once he finds out she’s cutting again. She doesn't want anything from him.

“I don’t want you to touch me. A hug isn’t going to fix this. I don’t even know if I want to be fixed.”

“I love you.”

“Just because you say it doesn’t make it true, you know.”

Natalie is spending more time with her best friend Tosh, trying to deal with life. On top of everything else going on, she finds out one of her twin boys has a condition and is going deaf. She can’t take it all. Then out of the blue, she see’s him. for the first time in 10 years.



Ryker. Her first love. She is stunned. So is he. Her life is falling apart. Her marriage is falling apart. And there he is.

Things go even more down hill with Eric He is having an affair- big shocker! They separate. What I love about Natalie is that she is tough. She doesn’t just jump into Ryker’s arms and figure things out with her lost love, she gets help. She heals herself. She comes to the conclusion...

I have to stop this...

So she does. The healing process is not easy, its incredibly difficult. But Natalie has support. She has a therapist, her best friend Tosh, Ryker, his dad Bill, and two new friends, George and Marion. Natalie starts to live. To forgive herself.

The thing about guilt is, no one can take it away for you; you have to unpack it yourself.

The pain is still there, but she learns to cope in appropriate ways.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes”


Everything does.

Natalie realizes something about Ryker...



I don’t even know what to say about this book... INCREDIBLE is the first word that comes to mind. Phenomenal. Beautiful. Raw. Powerful. Emotional. Wonderful. I devoured it. The writing was flawless, the book just flowed. I couldn’t put it down once I started reading. I was heartbroken and in tears for some for the book, but by the end, you couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. Natalie and Ryker are both characters that touched my heart. I will never forget their story. Natalie was a good person, she was a good mother, she just had problems. Like we all do. Everyone copes differently. I know some didn’t care for her, but I admired her and loved her. She got it together, rebuilt her life. And Ryker... I adored him. Everything he went through with the PTSD was devastating, but he was such a good guy. He loved Natalie so much. You will root for these two!

I highly recommend this book to ANYONE and EVERYONE! PICK IT UP AND READ IT NOW!!!!! :D

“Do you love me?”
“I never stopped Nat. Not for a day.”

[Valerie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm probably in the minority in regards to this book, but I feel like honesty is the best policy. After reading this book, I felt downright depressed and all I could think was :



And not in a good party way, in a let me erase this depressing thing I just read way. I get that Natalie had it rough but the way she acted was stupid and more importantly selfish. She constantly played the blame game, acting as if her free will was taken away the moment she got pregnant. Uh, bitch please. No one forced you to do anything, there's always the option to say no. I couldn't connect with her on any level, and the way she bitched about her kids and husband was annoying. I just wanted yell at that bitch to:



It's not like the kids were babies, she had four years to get her shit together. Online school or something, but she was just living in the past and what could have been. My career, my career, it was annoying as fuck. Natalie, guess what:



I wasn't at all surprised at what happened with her marriage, in fact i felt worse for the husband than her. He seemed to genuinely care and try to work shit out, but all she could do was bitch at him and play the victim. After a medical issue arises with one of the twins, she's FINALLY ready to be a mom. How nice of her, taking time out of her pity party to look at the big picture. Even the stuff with Ryker didn't do anything to help the story, just another thing for her to complain about and use as an excuse for cutting. I don't know if I could even classify this as a romance, when it was all said and done all I could do was praise Jesus that I survived it. No giddiness at her and Ryker getting back together, or feel happy that she stopped cutting, I was just plain exhausted at all the melodramatics. It just wasn't for me, and that's all folks.

[Allison ❤️Will Never Conquer Her TBR❤️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW! That book was intense! *wipes brow*

Was it something I'm used to reading every day? NO!
Was it hot and smutty? NO!
Did I love the heroine and totally relate to her? NO!
Did I still get totally captivated and sucked into it? YES!
Any book that can do that to this well seasoned reader deserves a high FIVE stars!




So, I had several emotions while reading this rather long, dark book.

A fair amount of the book left me feeling....



I mean the entire book is riddled with....



I don't know which character I wanted to strangle more... Natalie or her husband Eric. I think they took turns.



But Ryker, sweet, tortured and damaged Ryker....My heart bled for him. He's perfectly damaged....




So, In The Stillness is the story of Natalie. She's got issues....



The book flips back and forth between present day and the past. I happens quite frequently and could've flowed a bit easier but I won't digress. Natalie, in the present day is in a loveless marriage to a man she dated in grad school. She unfortunately got pregnant with twins, married Eric, and gave up her dreams to instead be an unhappy stay-at-home mother. She's clearly miserable and lonely. When things get real ugly, she resorts to cutting....something she hides pretty easily. She has a best friend Tosha that offers her some support. She's a good mom, a very uninterested wife and is crying for help.

My Nat-



Her husband Eric is gone a lot "in the lab" finishing up his doctoral studies. He's not a BAD husband...he just doesn't see the hell his wife is enduring for their family (or he chooses to ignore it).

My Eric-



Natalie has always loved one man from her past. His name is Ryker. They met in college and he deployed to Afghanistan after September 11th occurred. Let's just say, when he returned, things weren't good emotionally for him. He suffered with severe PTSD and bad things ensued for them. Nat has major guilt issues and she has held onto that guilt for YEARS. Ten years, to be exact. She hasn't seen Ry for ten years.

My Ryker-



When Nat and Tosha bump into Ry at a farmer's market, what little Nat had of her sanity fell to pieces...... Her life is in shambles. She deep down still loves Ryker....still holds on to each letter he sent her from war.....How could it have gone so wrong for them? It was supposed to be forever. She and Ryker forever...



What happens after that day in the farmer's market? Does she stay with Eric and plug along? The cutting... does she get help or continue to spiral out of control? No spoilers here. Several reviews give away too much of their ensuing story and I kind of regretted reading them. I'd avoid over-reading of reviews and let this one happen on it's own. This book takes you through so many battles with life and emotions.... nothing comes easily. I do think it's fair to say there IS a HEA. The book was so dark and sad for so much of it, I was scared I wasn't going to get that. You just have to live through their pain to get to the happy....

A quote I loved (being the wife of a veteran)-



I recommend this book for anyone who wants something different from the typical romantic genre we see post FSoG era. It's far from smut and actually has very little hotness factor. It'll wring your heart out but it's so worth it in the end.....

[Pavlina Read more sleep less blog · Rating 4 out of 5]

God, I miss you.
I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I’m going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. But don’t, please. Don’t tell me to stop.
I love you.
With everything.
~ Ry



In The Stillness isn't pretty.It's dark,emotional but hopeful...


Natalie is a wife and the mother of young twin boys. She had plans and goals of a life experiencing new things.That all changed when she got pregnant.Now Natalie is struggling day to day with a life she never wanted and issues unresolved from the past....




She married her boyfriend Eric and found herself in a very unhappy place.She resents Eric and the fact that he is finishing up his PhD while she feels like a full-time single parent because he’s rarely around. To deal with her pain,she resorts to cutting.Something she hasn’t done for 10 years.Not since she broke up with Ryker...





Ryker was her college boyfriend.He was in the National Guard and was sent to Afghanistan.She had a really hard time while he was gone, but an even harder time when he came back.She found cutting relieved the pain and anguish she was feeling Natalie stood by Ryker for as long as she could, but eventually things fell apart.She ended up withdrawing from school going to treatment and hasn’t seen him since...




Her marriage to Eric is falling apart,she’s cutting again and she finds herself thinking about Ryker after all these years...
The love that Ryker and Nat had for each other was absolutely beautiful!Their love was real!!

There are so many things that make In The Stillness worth the read.It is real life....
So, give this book a chance!!

[Akanksha❤ Søren♰ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I’m going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. But don’t, please.
Don’t tell me to stop.
I love you. 
With everything.
~ Ry

I wish I knew how to rate this book, I really do. I want to give it a 1 star and 5 stars!!
Messed up right?

The summary doesn't give you much, but its ok I guess.. You should still read this book; because the story is bloody amazing.
Its like you're reading someone's private diary. Reading through their thoughts, feeling their emotions.

I'll go to the good about this book later, but let me start by bitching about this book.
I HATED NATALIE. She is one of the most selfish and spineless woman I've ever read about.
At the end of most of it, she seemed like the bigest fucking looser.

She lived a miserable life, because she never followed her heard, never fulfilled her dreams and was a jealous fucking bitch who didn't care for anyone, not even herself.

*God, I'm so angry.. Its a surprise a few keys havent poped off my laptop the way I'm typing in such anger. LOL*

She never gave 2 fucks about her husband, she was a 'good' mother, but she barely give a shit about her twins too. She felt the bond of motherhood 5 years after they were born. ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME WOMAN? I so want to bitch slap you.

She said she didn't push her husband into cheating on her. But I'm sorry. Thats what she exactly did. She didn't love him, showed him no affection, no sex, no emotion, she was like... *don't know the right word* she was like nothing. A soulless body.
You don't show/give a person you're married to any love or affection, they will sniff around. I don't condone to cheating in any situation. But the guy wasn't at fault here.. because he loved her with all his being.

She didn't love her kids for at least half of the book. She craved times away from them all the time. She hated being a stay at home mother. Well, open your mouth and voice your opinion. DO SOMETHING. Stop fucking brooding. GOD. AGRH.

Now, to Ryker .. BASTARD. I wanted to slap him. I agree.. NOTHING was his fault but still I was angry at him. Both of them.. Nat and Ryker. They ruined his, hers, Eric's and sooooooo many other people's lives in the bargain of this. I actually blame that Bastard Bush. Btw. I know it wasn't their fault, but I still felt it.

I really wish this book had an epilogue, I mean.. It was an HEA but still.. I WANTED AN EPILOGUE.

Now, to the good part of this book.

I loved the way this book was written. It was amazing. The shift from the present to the flash backs, to the old memories... EVERYTHING. It was amazing. It was like I was reading this really dark amazing diary. It was wow.. stirred soooooo many emotions. My heard was aching. God, I loved this book. I think the story will forever stay in my heart.

The author has written something wonderful down. Its beautiful, even though its dark.
The point where dark meets the light? This book is something like that.
I think everyone should read it, because the story is BRILLIANT.

Now to the characters, +ve..
I loved Eric, Yes.. he was a fucking cheating bastard who was selfish too in a way.. but still I liked him, at least he fucking tried in the end. He loved her... But he was also a douche.

I loved Tosha, Lovely best friend. Amazing and crazy. When she and Nat were together... they seemed years younger.

I loveddddddd Ryker, because he fucking rocks.
He's just the kind of person you love, its just that you have to love him whatever happens!!!
“From the moment I saw you on the common, I knew I had to kiss you. And, the second I kissed you, I knew I could never let you go.”

And I loved Ollie and Max because they were the shit <3 Loved them.

“How’d you get through it? The uncertainty, I mean.”
I was never uncertain about our hearts.”

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 GRAB-YOUR-KLEENEX-AND-HAVE-A-PITCHER-OF-TEQUILA-HANDY-BECAUSE-YOU-WILL-UGLY-CRY ~ STARS !!!

THIS BOOK WAS BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!!HEARTBREAKING EMOTIONAL JUST BEAUTIFUL !!!!
Song on repeat : The Space Between by Dave Matthews Band


This is a story about Natalie and Ryker. Natalie is a wife, mother, and cutter. Clawing at walls built by resentment, regret and guilt. Life happens. Her life plans got derailed......


Ryker is a soldier in the National Guard. September 11 happened and he was deployed to Afghanistan.
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~ HIS BODY CAME HOME, BUT HIS SOUL HAD BEEN DEVOURED IN THE FIREFIGHT OF A GODLESS DESERT ~
~ I LOVE RYKER. HE LOVED ME. PTSD CAME IN AND FUCKED US BOTH ROYALLY OVER AND SOMEHOW, HERE I SIT ~

Her world fell apart after he came home. PTSD is very real and things got out of control. The story goes back and forth then ten years went by and suddenly she found her self cutting again. Often.

IT WAS PAINFUL TO READ AND SEE IT ALL UNRAVEL..............I can't express in detail the story without giving too much away it was just...God...so beautiful.

So she sees Ryker again after ten years.....and trust me I wanted INSTA-RECONNECTION..like make up for lost time...JUMP THAT MANS BONES....nope...the author still stayed on course and never lost sight of Natalie's story and helping her to heal. Help her to stop the self-mutilation.

SHE STRUGGLES
SHE HEALS
SHE FORGIVES

~ I was never uncertain about our hearts ~

I pretty much am still an emotional mess over this book. This story does have a happily-ever after but it took A LOT to get there. This book touched my heart and it will be a very long time before I can forget it....no matter how much tequila is consumed.....

THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST



5% of the proceeds of this e-book are being donated to the New England Center for Homeless veterans. Ain't that beautiful :) Please consider reading this beautiful story. It's one that your heart will surely never forget.

[Amy | Foxy Blogs · Rating 5 out of 5]

$1.99 deal - http://amzn.to/1gmgqOx
5/21/2014
*****************************************

WOW! I haven't cried over a book like that for a long time. This one 'cut' me deep.

Natalie thinks she is in control of her pain, anxiety, and fear by cutting to release the hurt she feels inside. It's her living nightmare.

Without recapping the book...I will say that Marion summed up the book best, "That's one of the most beautiful stories I've heard in a long time."



Buddy read this book with (click name to see review):
KC, Erica and Jen

Standalone

[Farah · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars!

"Change never comes slowly, brewing on the horizon. It’s always in a second. Balanced on the tip of a razor blade, in empty pill bottles, behind two pink lines, or learning that one of your children is slowly slipping into a world of silence."

Man oh man! This book is so sad!
I don't even know where to Begin!
I gave myself a day before writing this review because I had such mixed feelings..

Let me start...


Firstly- this book grips you, its so excellently written and you feel so sorry for Natalie at first that you can't help but WANT to read on..

The story is written between past and present tense so its like you read a chapter on the present than the past and everything put together makes sense.

Have you ever looked at your life and struggled with the feeling that your life isn't yours??

Feeling like an outsider stuck in a rut where you looking at your life and not knowing how it got there and the only thing you know if that YOU don't belong there...

This is exactly Natalie's life...
She's married to a guy called Eric.
They have two sons... Twins...
She quit her studying to take care of the kids.
She is married by default not because she wants to be.
She hates her kids and doesn't want to be a mom.
She hates her husband and doesn't want to be a wife...

She cuts...



Cutting makes her escape the pain she's feeling and makes her feel new pain. Pain to take away pain. Does it work?
Not really...

Slowly the story unravels...

Natalie misses Ryker. The Boy who holds her heart.
The Boy who always held her heart...

Natalie and Ryker met when she was starting college. He kissed her on the first day he met her. He was everything she wanted.
Then Ryker was enlisted and was deployed to Afghanistan with his best friend Luke.



And this is where Natalie's pain starts..
To deal with the pain of Ryker being gone...



They write to each other. Natalie becomes obsessed with writing to him.

Ryker's friend Luke gets killed and Ryker gets shot trying to save him.



Ryker comes home... Atleast his body does because the boy who comes back
Isn't Ryker. He is struggling with PTSD.


Natalie doesn't realize this until its too late.
He gets it in his head that he wants to enlist again and Natalie begs him not to.



Ryker who is so strung on Oxy pushes her and she gets badly hurt and falls down stairs and gets taken to hospital.

Natalie will do anything for him to be safe. She presses charges and files a restraining order and just like that- she sacrifices her love for this boy...
Knowing that with the charges he can never enlist again...

When we get back to the present tense the book no longer goes into the past.



We see Natalie going deeper and deeper into her depression.
Cutting becomes like an addiction... Everyday she does it...



Everyday minute she thinks about it...

Unfortunately Eric gets hurt in the process. The way she talks to him, screams at him.. She hates him for the degree he has, for the degree she never finished. she hated him for trapping her in her marriage and giving her children she never wanted.

I felt him so sorry. My heart bled for Eric.
We find out the most shocking thing and I am stunned- but at the same time- not so much! she finds out his been having an affair!! Shocking! But again- not a shocker after how she treated him
She drove him to seeking love outside his marriage because she was a cold hearted biach who was jealous of him!!!

"Guilt is intense. Suffocating. A brick, tied quietly around your ankles while you sleep. You never fall slowly into guilt—you wake up with little time to take your last breath before being pulled under."



Natalie finally leaves Eric during the most difficult time, when they find out their son is going deaf.
Sometimes no matter how much someone loves you, that love means absolutely nothing unless other person feels the same.

Life is funny... I was stunned when she bumped into Ryker after 10years.
Her love never went away...

The great thing about this book is that Natalie never ran into his arms and had a happy ever after.
She dealt with her problems...



She found herself..
She healed herself...

And I'm happy that at the end she finally found her way back to Ryker, after Ryker healed himself too. They were two damaged people who were destined to be together at the end.

I still feel the pain for Eric. Through it all he still wanted her back... I just wanted to HUG him and say LOVE ME forget Natalie!

At the end Natalie not only heals herself, she loves her kids..
And Ryker loves her kids too...




I really had a tough time rating this book because I loved it so much but I hated it as well because of the people who got hurt in Natalie's process...
I might not agree with what Natalie did but at the end of the day I think if she never made those decisions she would ultimately have killed herself.

P.s Lucinda I love fighting books with you, and thanks for the BR Jess...

[Lucinda - I JUST LOVE TO READ · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 BRILLIANT EMOTIONAL STARS

Ok to be honest if I didn’t see Aestas review I would have NEVER read this book.


The blurb is as follows:

Natalie is a wife.
Natalie is a mother.
Natalie is a cutter.

Clawing at walls built by resentment, regret, and guilt, Natalie cuts as an escape from a life she never planned.

Staying present is only possible when you let go of the past. But, what if the past won't let go?

Doesn’t tell you much yeah??!!!

I needed some more emotional, I’m a bit sexed up after all the s*x in my books, so I really needed a book that made it worth reading! And well well well…

THIS IS DEF MY FAVOURITE BOOK OF THE YEAR

This story is about a girl Natalie that is struggling with her past and her future… She is trapped in her past and without help her life is going to spiral out of control. Or it has actually already started to spiral out of control.

This book goes from Present to Past and about 50% it just changes to the present. I loved to read about the present and past because it showed us exactly WHY she is the way she is. (And the people in her life)

This is a book about one thing and one thing only… if 9/11 never happened her life would have been normal. You know I’m sitting in a other country and it affected me in a way. BUT it didn’t affect me the same as so many millions of people and families. And this book just felt so REAL to me.

Yes I understand she didn’t treat Eric right, but you know I think she had her reasons. And he wasn’t the good husband as everybody thought. He f#cked it up on his own.

It made me think that there are really people in this world that is struggling with this issue and my heart is breaking for each and every one of them.

If you are looking for an emotional read this is definitely worth giving it a try. It might not be for everyone but this did definitely the trick for me.

I really don’t want to give away too much about the book because I think everybody needs to read it for them selves.

What I can say is that I’m happy with the ending!

Go ahead and read this book! I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I do.

Over and out. Xxx

[Charles Sheehan-Miles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm going to write a full review of this sometime close to the release date, but I wanted to say something now.

I was lucky enough to read this in first draft form as Andrea wrote it, chapter by chapter. Gut wrenching subject matter, it's a story about the growth of a woman who struggles with harming herself, it's about real issues: struggling with self-destructive behavior, parenthood when you never expected it, marriages that aren't working out, and the pain of watching loved ones go off to war and coming back damaged.

Get a couple of boxes of tissues and hunker down, this one is an emotional, pain filled story that left me feeling fantastically happy in the end.

If you're already a fan of Andrea Randall you'll want to pick this one up, because it's leaps and bounds ahead of her other books, which were already damned good. If you aren't I'd recommend this to anyone who loves fiction which deals with real issues and good love stories.

Some of it isn't easy to read but it will make you think and feel.

[Smitten's Book Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Just wow!



This book was absolutely outstanding, totally brutal and completely worth the heartache. I didn't really know what I was getting myself into with this. The blurb doesn't give much away at all, so I had no idea what to expect, other than a story about self harm.

But this is a story about love, loss, addiction, coping, drowning, dreams, fears and reality.

"I would go through every single second of that again it it meant I still got to feel that kind of love - even for a moment."

It absolutely ripped me to shreds and made my heart ache for each and every single character. Every character had their flaws. They were real, and raw, and identifiable.

You will need a whole mountain of tissues. This book deals with some seriously heavy issues. War, grief, the harrowing effects of PTSD, self harming and loss, to name just a few.



Like I said, brutal. But soooo worth it.

"It only looks like such a mess because it's not over yet."

I loved Natalie. I'm not usually a fan of self depreciation, but Natalie was sick and reading from her POV helped get a handle on why she did what she did and how she came to the conclusions she came to. It was fascinating and even, in some way, helped the reader understand the mind of a self harmer.

I keep cutting. For him. For me. For ruining lives.
Apparently, I'm good at that.

And I liked that she totally owned her issues. She knew they were wrong and right from the beginning she knew that she should stop and get help. She also wasn't completely trapped in her own world that she didn't care about anybody else. She was still caring, a fantastic mother, a good friend and a strong person in her own right.

"It's over now, Ryker."
"That's the thing, Natalie... it's never really over."

In The Stillness is Natalie's story and Natalie's story includes two men. Eric and Ryker. Both of these men love or have loved her at one point in their lives and she loves/has loved both of them back. But in totally different ways.

"I love you," he says as he meets me in the doorway.
"Just because you say it doesn't make it true, you know."

My heart broke for Eric, a lot. He had to deal with the issues that Natalie carried from her past and really, he had no idea how to deal. And if my heart broke for Eric, it obliterated for Ryker. Watching him deteriorate, the flash backs, the memories... it's incredibly painful and intensely thought provoking.

I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I'm going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop.
But don't, please. Don't tell me to stop.
I love you.
With everything.

Now, the love story in this book is about second chances, working through problems, trust, acceptance of one another, battling through guilt and resentment, and overcoming adversity. I'm not going to give any more away than that. Just know that it's beautiful and humbling.

"...When you love someone, you love them head-to-toe and inside out because... well, because you can't help it? I love you for a reason, Natalie. You're mine and I'm yours."

This isn't for the faint hearted. It will contain a lot of emotional triggers for some readers and may not be everybodies cup of tea. But if you don't mind wading through the darkness before reaching the light, which is wonderfully rewarding, I really highly recommend this.



I'm going to have the book hangover from hell now and In The Stillness will certainly be a book that sticks with me for a very long time to come.



In The Stillness Statistics
Length: 486 pages
Steam Rating (out of 5): ♥
Ending: HEA
Series: ✗
Can this be read as a standalone? Yes
Themes:
War
PTSD
Self harming
Warning. This book includes...
Self harming
Cheating
Drug abuse
Writing: Great

AMAZON UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/In-the-Stilln...
AMAZON US: http://www.amazon.com/In-the-Stillnes...

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[destini · Rating 5 out of 5]

“They took his soul over there, fuckers, and left me with the breathing carcass.”

In the Stillness was intense, emotional, and breathtakingly honest. This is a story that touches your heart & mind and left me speechless in the end.
____________________________________________

♦︎ The Story ♦︎

____________________________________________

“But, the thing about guilt is, no one can take away for you; you have to unpack it yourself.”

Wow, wow, wow, wow, WOW. This is a story someone can easily love. This wasn't even on my to-read list, but I though eh, what the hell and decided to go for it. Best. Decision. Ever.

It's completely realistic... her hopes, struggles, voice, everything. To me, it's what made this a five-star read.

∙Recap

Natalie once had her life in order. She was going to get her degree in anthropology and travel the world.



But things changed when she unexpectedly becomes a mother and wife. In order to stay strong for her family, she patches a bandaid on a festering wound that, over the years, becomes too much to ignore. In order to escape, she seeks an old friend, her blade. And for her to get better, she's going to have to face her past and learn to let go.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the Stillness does deal with the issue of self-multilation, but it's so much more than that.
____________________________________________

♦︎ Characters ♦︎ 

____________________________________________

∙Natalie

I exist. Right?

Natalie is one of my favorite heroines ever. You can't help but share in her pain, betrayal and loneliness. There were so many things weighing Natalie down and holding her back, that cutting was her only way of escaping, of staying sane. She had dreams and aspirations, just like any of us, and although she loves her children, she can't help but yearn for the life she could have had.

∙Eric

I have mixed feelings about Eric... and they lean towards the negative. He's a perfect example of sometimes, love just isn't enough. Do I understand why he did the things he did? Eh… yesish. Does it justify it? Absolutely not.
To put it in simpler terms, all he cared about was himself and his image.

∙Ryker

“His body came home, but his soul had been devoured in the firefight of a godless desert.”

Oh, how my heart went out to him! His character was fictional but his stubble wasn't.



Ryker was swoon-worthy and so playful and sweet... ♥ it was difficult to read of how much they struggled to piece each other together and find their way... whether it was together or alone. I was so proud to see how much he grew as a person.
____________________________________________

♦︎ Overall ♦︎

____________________________________________

“How’d you get through it? The uncertainty, I mean.”
“Because I was never uncertain about our hearts.”

This book is a must-read, for sure. From beginning to end your experiencing and feeling everything that goes on. I can't stress enough how realistic this book was, even the ending was fulfilling without being overdone.

[Lise *friends don't flag* · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Stars!
I found a winner! Yes, this book pulled me out of my book funk!!

Even though the subject matter was painful, depressing, raw and had many boo-hoo sniffing moments; it had me on the edge of my seat wanting more.

Natalie’s story was so heartbreakingly beautiful. The author told her story in such a way that I was completely involved and felt what Natalie felt as a mother, wife, college student, daughter, friend, someone in love, and someone lost.

I loved the way the story was told alternating the present and past over the course of 12 years. I was able to become very connected to the main MC’s. Adored Tosha, Nat’s best friend and of course Ryker-totally broke and stole my heart as I watched a sexy self-confident carefree college kid in love become a broken war veteran suffering intense loss and coping with his depression through drugs, alcohol and bouts of violence.

The most painfully intense part of this story was the emotion I felt for Natalie as she is living a life she would not have chosen for herself if things had gone differently. The first half of this story depicted such gut wrenching situations that I just did not know how she would overcome them or if she could. But Natalie is smart and strong and as Tosha reminded her “It needs to come from you, first. You have to love you, again. Got it?”

And she begins to but it is a very slow process and for me, the last half of the story slowed way down and even though I know it had to be this way for all involved, I just grew anxious. I wanted Natalie and Ryker to be back together so badly, but the timing and situation was not right, not yet.

With the help of many including Nat’s therapist, her Dad, Tosha, Bill (Ryker’s Dad) and the amazing Marion and George, Natalie begins her healing and living.

So… where the heck is that 6’5” organic farmer love of her life and will they ever be together again… well you will have to read this heart-tugging story to find out.

“The bookends of every extreme emotion I’ve ever experienced sit right in those gorgeous, endless, blue eyes.”

Let this be the book to get me out of my funk!

[Tough Critic Book Reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book frustrated me in all the best ways...

Where to begin?

It was an absolute train wreck. A sweet, beautiful, f**ked up train wreck. I couldn't look away. Natalie, she was--I hated--why did she--I couldn't. She broke my heart. I know I was suppose to feel sorry for her, but she broke my heart for everyone around her. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to punch her face.

And when I say my heart broke for everyone, I do mean everyone. I was, in my own messed up way, Team Eric. I guess I understood him. Even when I saw what was coming, I still wanted what I wanted. I don't think I was suppose to fall for Eric, but I did. It kept me choking on my own emotion knowing that I was suppose to feel one way, but I didn't. Despite the literary douchery that was finally thrust upon him, my heart still went out to the poor bastard! I was angry at Natalie. I blamed Natalie. This is f**ked up!

Initially, I didn't really have much sympathy towards her. My sympathy was towards Eric. Even after the book ended, I felt more sympathy for everyone around Natalie. But I don't care!! I think I liked that even more. Andrea Randall, whether it was intended or not, wrote a book that allowed the reader the freedom to feel what they wanted to feel knowing it would be different for everybody. I don't think there was a right or wrong way. We were suppose to just, feel. And I felt, everything.

Anger, remorse, guilt, pity, anger again.

Andrea Randall crushed my chest into tiny pieces...and she ate them. Andrea Randall ate my chest pieces!

I finally healed and then allowed myself to fall for Ryker, their relationship was the train wreck that caused the train wreck. My emotions were up, down, and all over the place. I actually became an invisible character in the book because my emotions began to evolve, and my chest pieces slowly started to come back together. A journey right along with the characters. I eventually forgave Natalie. I let go of my anger and guilt. I healed, but not before my emotions were sucked dry only to be filled right back up again.

It is a love story, but the road to get there is paved with loss, pain, guilt and forgiveness. You will love to hate almost everything, but the frighteningly beautiful kaleidoscope of emotions you'll experience will be therapeutic.

Bravo Andrea Randall. Bravo!

READ ON!

More reviews at: http://www.toughcriticbookreviews.blo...

[εllε · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in just 6.5 hours. After recent failed attempts of finding a decent one, we have a winner!



I can't say it was perfect (I had a lot of issues with it), but it wasn't boring either. It felt real. No dragging.

You know that split second? The one where you decide if you’re going to just smile and continue looking around, or chance an encounter with a stranger? It’s a dangerous moment. It changes absolutely everything.

Natalie meets Ryker when she's very young. It is a love of the kind that last forever. After 9/11 Ryker and his best friend Lukas go to Afghanistan. Nat and Ry part with promises of love and reunion. Ry comes back a different person. Someone who Nat is scared of. They brake up. Nat is ruined. In order to dull her internal pain, Nat decides to cut.



You two had something special—it’s the circumstances that were shitty.”

Years go by, Nat is "healed". She meets Eric, she gets pregnant, she becomes a full-time mother and all her dreams for the future are destroyed.

I didn't love the main characters, but the story was very well written.

Nat has made some grave mistakes. She thinks that her marriage and her children ruined everything for her. I think she did it all to herself. If she had been more understanding and compassionate towards Ry, nothing bad would have happened. She was immature and weak. That fact made all future scenarios destined to fail. As they did.

She was always unsatisfied from her marriage. If she would have left her past being the past, that would have worked. I don't think she ever loved her husband. Despite Eric being a total jerk (and to think that I believed he was a good person until 50% of the book " "Was that part of your master plan? To keep me at home so you could go fool around and come home to your version of a perfect family, confident that I wasn’t with anyone else?"), I think Nat erred the most. You can't build something new when ghosts of the past still torment you. Nat never let Ry go. In my opinion, she always believed that they would be together someday.

There were some heart-breaking moment where Nat's children were involved, but aside from them, I didn't feel like crying for Nat and Ry's story.

I don't have an opinion for Ry. I don't like him, nor hate him. He's just there.

The book was emotional. There aren't shocking events. It's just life's drama. I don't think life or anyone else did wrong by Natalie. She brought all that to herself. Every outcome was a result of her choices and actions.

Some things need to brake, so that they can be fixed and whole again.

[Kirsty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy shit.. Andrea Randall can write!

"Sheryl Crow is so full of shit. The first cut most certainly is not the deepest."

In The Stillness isn't pretty. It's dark, gritty, emotional, horrifying, but hopeful. Andrea doesn't hold back with In The Stillness, she puts everything out there and it's up to you to suck it up and roll with it. I did and I don't regret a single second. The opening scene is of Natalie cutting.. shocking way to start a book yes, but did it work? Totally. I was pretty much hooked from then on and didn't stop reading until I'd finished.

In The Stillness was different in the sense that there were two guys/heroes to speak of. We have Eric who is currently Natalie's husband and Ryker, who we later meet, who is an ex boyfriend of Natalie's. I won't say too much about Eric because to be honest, he was an asshole. I had bad vibes from him to start with but I didn't know why. I just knew I didn't like him and wanted Natalie to rid herself of him.

And then we meet Ryker.. ♥
I have to mention first, this book is written in the present tense but when Natalie is thinking about stuff we shift back to the past, experiencing it as it happens. The transition between the past and present was flawless, I never once got confused and I knew where we were at all times.
Back to Ryker.. as I said, in present tense he was an ex of Natalie's who we knew very little about, as we went back in the past we learnt about him bit by bit and I fell in love. Hard. Cutting a long story short (I want you to experience it for youselves) Ryker is sent off to Afghanistan, yep, he's in the army. Shit happens over there. Real, awful, heartbreaking shit and when he comes home from war he's a different person. Completely. 10 years later him and Natalie are strangers to each other.. no contact whatsoever in as many years.

"He wasn't just my 'college boyfriend'. He was the absolute love of my life."

Personally, I think Natalie was an incredible character. As I've said, the book starts off with her cutting. At this point we don't know why but I was intrigued and I wanted to know why. What causes a grown, married woman, with children, to do that? At first I wasn't a huge fan of hers. The way she spoke of her life, especially her struggles with being a mother, were really hard to stomach. "They look adopted. Can you return adopted children?" Just one example of her talking about her kids. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt and the more I learned about her and her life, the more I understood her and appreciated her honesty.

Natalie completely, 100% transformed throughout this. The whole book was her story. A story of trying to cope with the guilt she feels over ruining the life of an ex boyfriend, struggling through a broken marriage, being a parent to children she never wanted and the pain of all that causing her to self harm. The Natalie in the beginning of the book and the Natalie at the end were so worlds apart from each other that you could barely believe they are the same person, but it is believable, because Andrea has done such an amazing job of making it so.

"I keep cutting. For him. For me. For ruining lives. Apparently, I'm good at that."

The ending of this book was ah-may-zing. There was nothing cute of fluffy about it but let's face it, that would not have done this book any justice at all. Instead, it was just so incredibly real. Natalie wasn't riding off in to the sunset with the love of her life, rainbows and bunnies in tow, instead she was getting through life a day at a time. But most importantly? She was happy. And I was ecstatic. I was full on crying happy tears for about the last 10% and honestly, that's the best way to end such a good book.

[AJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

ABSOLUTELY FREAKING PHENOMENAL!

Oh my God, this is a powerful, powerful book, and an instant addition to my favourites shelf. The characters are fantastic, the storyline is strong, the emotion is intense, and the writing is brilliant. From the very first page, I could tell I was going to experience something really epic. And I absolutely did. This little book totally blew my mind!

Natalie is a very unique heroine. Broken and drowning in a life that she despises , she is married to a man she no longer loves, with two children that she never planned on having, and a career path left behind to stay at home and be a Mom.

“My twenty-three-year-old graduate student self … just packed right up and vacated the part of my spirit that mattered – that made me … me.”

She is angry, resentful and depressed, and to try and cope with her emotions, she cuts herself. I must confess, when I first saw this in the synopsis of this book I was immediately turned off. I didn’t want to read a dark and depressing book about somebody with self-mutilation issues. But let me tell you that while this is an important part of the story, there is soooooo much more!

The cutting is a coping mechanism she developed back in College when her boyfriend, and the love of her life, Ryker, was sent to Afghanistan to fight in the war. The story of Natalie and Ryker’s past is told through flashback, and is brilliantly woven into the story. You can feel the deep love and connection that these two shared, even while separated.

“God, I miss you.
I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I’m going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. But don’t, please. Don’t tell me to stop.
I love you.
With everything.
- Ry.”

Natalie struggles terribly with their separation, and is desperate to have Ryker back, but when he returns, she finds that he is no longer the same man. Horrifically traumatised by all that he endured, Ryker suffers from PTSD, and the fallout tears them apart.

“They took his soul over there, fuckers, and left me with the breathing carcass.”

“His body came home, but his soul had been devoured in the firefight of a godless desert.”

The main part of the story takes place 10 years later, in the present, and as the full story unfolds we get to see how deeply the events of her past have shaped Natalie’s life. And then, just as she starts to pick herself up and face the problems in her life, the big shift comes for her when she unexpectedly sees Ryker again, and their one meeting unwittingly triggers huge change for them both.

I don’t want to give too much of the story away, but I will say that the journey that Natalie goes through in this book is incredible! I really love her as a character. At first I thought she was a bit whiny and a bit of a doormat for putting up with her life if she was so unhappy about it, but as the story went on, I could totally understand why she was the way she was, and I absolutely respected her strength. Sure, she was messed up and had a dangerous way of coping, but she kept it localised, and did what she had to do to get by, and through it all she loved her boys fiercely. She may not have wanted children, but she was a wonderful mother to them. And I admire her for that. And I love how she takes responsibility for her life. She is incredibly intelligent and has amazing strength, and even though she is messed up, and has moments where she falls into a hole, I felt that her reactions were very real, and I was cheering for her the whole way through as she fought to get her life back.

And then there is Ryker. Just… damn. The man is incredible. He has been through hell, but the way these two come back together to deal with their past issues is just amazing! With all of the history between them, and the hurt that they had endured, they still had a strong connection. Ryker still had his own demons to overcome, and I loved the way that they there for each other and completely honest about everything that had happened between them. And through all of the trauma of reliving the past, and finding a way forward, the feeling between them is still incredibly strong, there is no blame, they don't push, and they have nothing but respect for one another.

“Heroes don’t always wear capes, badges, or uniforms. Sometimes, they support those who do.”

There is a fantastic group of supporting characters. Natalie’s best friend, Tosha, is perfect - honest, outspoken, and completely supportive, she is the kind of best friend that everybody needs. Ryker’s Dad, Bill, plays a huge part and I love his relationship with both Ryker and Natalie, and even the late introduction of George and Marion to the story has a huge impact.

But even with all of this going on, it’s a very ‘tight’ read. The structure, the pacing, the dialogue, and the writing are all just phenomenal. There’s no fluff, it’s like every single word, every little moment is important to the story, and so many times I would be gutted by just one line. I’d be reading, and although I was running on high emotions, I’d be ok, and then all of a sudden there would be one line, just a matter of words, that would hit me like a punch to the chest and I’d be sobbing (happy tears) – that’s how good it is.

OK, surely that’s enough gushing now. Bravo Andrea Randall! This is an incredible story. I absolutely adored it.

6 incredible stars.

[Desiree · Rating 4 out of 5]

ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS ✪✪✪✪ 1/2 Stars

FORGET YOUR PAST, FORGIVE YOURSELF, AND BEGIN AGAIN



Firstly, let me just say I was a little hesitant on whether or not I should begin this book obviously because of the sensitive subject matter. My initial thoughts were do I really want to read about a cutter? Not to sound insensitive. Needless to say, I’m glad I went with my gut instinct and gave it a go.

The story surrounds itself around Natalie who couldn’t be more of a mess.

Natalie is a wife.
Natalie is a mother.
Natalie is a cutter.




Time won’t seem to let her guilt, pain, and regret go. Throughout the story we go back and forth between the past and the present. We begin to understand why she cuts and feels such loneliness.

That’s where Ryker comes in. Natalie meets Ryker at college and quickly becomes the love of her life. Ryker and Lucas (Ryker’s best friend) enlist in The National Guard and are sent to fight the war in Afghanistan.



Ryker’s gone and Natalie can’t handle the stress that comes along with that. Cutting is her coping mechanism to dull out the emotional pain. Which eventually becomes her way of punishing herself over her inner demons.

Ryker in time comes home with a grave case of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).




Things change, people change. Natalie wants nothing more then to help Ryker’s downward spiral but then something happens that changes everything.



Ryker and Natalie don’t see each other until 10 years later. By then she’s also dealing with cutting again, is in a loveless marriage, and on top of all that she has a child who’s losing his hearing. She can’t seem to catch a break.


“I love him, Lucas. It never really went away, I don’t expect it ever will - no matter where we end up.”

I have to mention Max and Ollie because I love them both dearly. I have a twin sister so when I was reading their scenes it brought tears to my eyes. Utterly broke my break when Max asked when Ollie would be able to hear again.

“My cutting is not about you, or my boys, or anyone else. It’s about me, and it’s something I’ll always be working on.”

Through it all, Natalie knows she needs professional help in order to be the person she wants to be. Someone who’s stronger and who can learn how to love themselves again.


“I’ve learned that holding onto resentment and anger only poison me. Forgiveness is the only way I have a shot of being healthy again.”

Amazingly raw story about forgiveness. Ones painful journey on self mutilation and trying to break the habit of the addiction.



I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS METAPHOR♡♡♡

“Hold your glass out for a minute, Natalie,”... “Ryker, what I’ve been explaining to Natalie, is the guilt she’s feeling is a bit like the water in that glass. Now, regardless of how little guilt she might have, or how much, the longer she holds onto it, the heavier it will feel.” ... “In Natalie’s case she’s been holding onto a full glass for the last ten years.”

What an amazing comparison, gives you an idea of how long this guilt been eating at Natalie.

The only two things stopping me from rating this a 5 star book are: ↓↓↓

1. I had one dislike with Natalie, regarding how she didn’t fully connect as a mother with both Ollie & Max until they reached the age of five. How could you not possibly love/want those two from the start?
2. Not really an issue but I really wished their was an epilogue at the ending.

[Kim Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+++ Stars

This book is so incredibly brilliant. There is no possible way I could express the deep emotional impact of this story. I loved every word. In fact, I could not put this down ... yes, I read it in one sitting ... devoured it from cover to cover.



I found myself connecting so strongly to our main character, Natalie. Her struggle with guilt was so honestly and realistically portrayed. It was heartbreaking, yet inspiring. Her relationships where so true to life.
I hated Eric, his pompous attitude and the way he treated Natalie ... the development and depiction of the marriage was brutally honest.
I loved Ryker ... really, how could you not ... he was beautifully damaged, yet so valiant in his attempts to rebound from tragedy. He broke me.



The most amazing thing Ms Randall did (in my opinion) was to create something where the characters - especially the children - weren't used as props ... they were real people, making real mistakes, acting the way real people do. There was not a single character or interaction that seemed dramatized or unrealistic ... actually, it all felt a little to real ... I spent the majority of this book in honest to goodness tears. A big sobbing mess.
And I loved it!

What more can I say? Read It!

[Debra · Rating 5 out of 5]

★★★★★ 4.5 stars

I loved this book! It was not an easy subject BUT it also wasn't as sad/angsty as I was expecting it to be. The story was heartfelt, emotional, heartbreaking and beautiful all at the same time and I loved the author's captivating, lyrical writing style that made it unable for me to stop reading once I started this book.



An absolute must read. ❤️

[Lucia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mother, wife, cutter. Natalie is unhappy, depressed and miserable. Her role of stand-home-mum irritates her and her marriage with Eric is not what she wanted. She is just a ghost of a woman she used to be 10 years ago when dating Ryker. What events lead to this?

My Eric, Natalie and Ryker:


In The Stillness covers many topics. War, PTSD, cutting, marriage, motherhood, broken dreams. If I could connect with heroine/narrator at least a little bit, it would definitely be a 5 stars read.

At first, I couldn't really understand Natalie, her feelings or her reasons for cutting. I know she was seriusly sick but still, I found her weak and pathetic and it took me more than half of the book to truly "get her".

"Do I even fucking exist?"

But even though I wasn't immediately touched with Natalie's current situation, her past touched me deeply. To have loved ones going to war is extremely hard. To have them not coming back or coming back as souless broken person is heartbreaking. This topic always makes me cry and this book was no exception.

When it comes to overall story, I was hooked from the beginning to the end. Switching from present to past worked really well for me and all flashbacks to the past did a number on me. This would be 5 stars read, if not for cutting. It disrupted the flow of otherwise amazing story. Still, I highly recommend it to everyone who are looking for emotional read!!!

MORE REVIEWS ON MY BLOG Reading Is My Breathing

[M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

***Update 7/15/13***

I just saw this awesome fanmade book trailer and thought I'd share with you all.

Also, I want to say something about the cutting. I know some people refrain from reading this book because of it. I'm not gonna lie, the heroine does indeed cut herself, but the cutting is not what this book is about. It's just her coping mechanism, just like alcohol is for others. This is a beautiful, deep and emotional story and it's not because of the cutting.

------------------------------------------------------

Heroes don’t always wear capes, badges, or uniforms. Sometimes, they support those who do.

This is the best fucking book I have read this year, and maybe even ever. This is the kind of book that makes me wish Goodreads had a 10 star rating system. I almost feel like going through every book I've read prior to this one and drop a star, because they don't compare.

In the Stillness is a story about true love, life, family, loss, forgiveness, grief, pain, regret, guilt, self-worth and healing. It is an honest story and nothing is sugarcoated. This is not your typical love story. It is real emotion and pain.

Guilt is intense. Suffocating. A brick, tied quietly around your ankles while you sleep. You never fall slowly into guilt—you wake up with little time to take your last breath before being pulled under.

The thing about guilt is, no one can take it away for you; you have to unpack it yourself.

This story starts at the second lowest point in Natalie's life and we get a bunch of negativity thrown our way. I know many people struggled with Natalie's negative behavior, but you have to keep in mind that the story starts at a point where everything already has gone to shit. Natalie doesn't make it easy to understand/like her in the beginning, but as the story unfolds everything becomes clear.

"It wasn't all ugly, Tosh..."
"No, it wasn't. But when it was, it was really bad."

Throughout the story we get flashbacks to the first lowest point in her life. The story is crafted in a way that there are connections between the present and the past. It was so real, touching, emotional and painful. Natalie was a beautiful, amazing, loving, supportive, caring and honest person. Several wrong decisions in her life led her to the depressing state she finds herself in at the start of the book.

They're in love with a mother who doesn't love herself. Who doesn't know how.

I am usually not a crier, but I have cried non-stop for the first 40% of the book. And then I cried some more on and off during the last 25%.

It only looks like a mess because it's not over yet.

I don't want to tell you the story. I don't want to summarize. I want you to go in completely blind. Do not read any reviews. They will ruin the story for you.

When someone you love is hurting, you would walk barefoot through hell and back to bring them back to you, even when you know you’re fighting a losing battle.

I do want to tell you that this was written brilliantly. I literally felt everything Natalie felt. Even though her life is completely different than mine and I have never been through anything that's remotely like what she's been through, I had a very strong emotional connection with her character. Natalie's POV was based on her feelings and the focus was internal throughout the entire story. You know how some books have paragraphs full of explanations and descriptions of why and how the character came to feel a certain way? I hate that. This book doesn't have that. This book had less description and more emotion. The author lets you experience everything for yourself and lets you make conclusions on why and how things happened on your own. The story deals with more than one issue and shows so many different aspects and sides of life. It was angsty, heartbreaking, heartfelt and hopeful all at the same time. What I loved most of all is how realistic it was. Even though these characters were fictional, there are many like them out there who call this their reality. It was fast-paced without rushing anything. It was captivating. This book will never let me go. Oh and, it had the best best friend of all the book best friends in the world. I absolutely loved Tosha.

Forgiveness is the only way I have a shot of being healthy again.

[It's just me Shelly B]

  NO.....just NO

I tried really hard to finish this book multiple times. At first I thought it was my mood so I put it down and waited.......

Annnnnnddddd WAITED.......





Then I tried again.........MULTIPLE times.


Guess what it never worked!!! I just could not get past the heroine and her CONSTANT PITY PARTY for herself!!!!!!!!


Then to top it off and this is probably the biggest reason I didn't like this book because she always had such NEGATIVE opinions of her children.......like they ruined her life!!! You made the mistake not those innocent children!!!




I wanted to scream, "GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!!" CONSTANTLY!!!!!!


Anyway my point is I HATE that chick!!!!!!!!! I'm done sorry!!!


This gif sums up my feelings on this book.....





This is my opinion and MY opinion only!! The writing was great......it was the character I hated!!!!

[Kim *Mo Chridhe* · Rating 5 out of 5]

**EDIT** 07/11/2013
$3.99 $0.99 until Saturday. What a steal! This is one of my all-time favourites!

5 heart-tugging stars!!!

To say that this book affected me in a huge way would be the understatement of the year. By the end of the book I was wailing 'I DON'T WANT IT TO ENDDDDD!!!!' while simultaneously hugging my iPad.

When I see reviewers or book blurbs describe a book as 'raw' I never really understood it. So I decided to look up the definition and three meanings stood out: 1. not diluted or blended; 2. not being in polished, finished, or processed form; and 3. not protected, or susceptible to hurt. And then clear as day, I thought, this writing is what it means to have raw honesty. Ms. Randall doesn't shy away from the hard truth, even if it means putting her heroine out there for sharks to feast on.

Natalie Collins and Ryker Manning met at a concert at the end of their freshman year. Their relationship was the quintessential young-love romance. They were crazy about each other, always wanting to be together. They were having fun and falling in love, when the unthinkable happened. On September 11, 2001, two planes crashed into the twin towers. This act of terrorism meant that the U.S. was going to be at war, and Ryker, being a member of the National Guard, was eventually called for duty along with his best friend, Lucas.

Fast forward to ten years later, Natalie is married to Eric, a man she blames for the unsatisfactory life she's living. She is also a mother to Max and Oliver, the four-year old twins she never wanted to have in the first place. She is bitter at the fact that her future and her career were put aside when she unexpectedly got pregnant and was forced to be a stay-at-home mom. She's vocal about her resentment and unhappiness, and is unapologetic about it. For some reason, her depression spiraled in recent months. To help her deal with her pain, she cuts herself - her coping mechanism when Ryker went to fight in the war years ago. Now she is forced to relive painful memories of her past while she examines her present life.

It hurts at first. Like hell. But a second later it's gone - just gone - and I'm left with a visual reminder for the rest of the day that I'm in control of my pain, anxiety, and fear.

We get to the bottom of Nat and Ryker's story through alternating narrations of the present and the past. I honestly thought it was done so flawlessly and so brilliantly. I was never left confused, and each succeeding glimpse into the past was a perfect companion to help us understand the present circumstances and why Nat came to do what she does.

Natalie, as a narrator, is such a refreshing read. One can easily argue that she is a selfish, weak woman who can't even take responsibility for her mess of a life. But this is what I loved about her. She wasn't written to be likeable. She wasn't brave and self-sacrificing. She was just real. She tells it, or thinks it, as it is and that's what I appreciated most about her.

Bang! Bang! Bang! The bathroom door rattles under the force of four-year-old fists.
"Mommy! Ollie pulled my hair!"
They're. Always. Around.
I sigh, turn on the sink, and address the situation from behind the closed door. "Max, don't tattle. Oliver, leave your brother alone!"
God, is it too much to ask for it to be kindergarten already?

While I felt for her, I never, not once, felt sorry for her, because deep down I knew she was a smart and strong person. She just made poor choices. Even when she whined about her kids she never neglected them. In fact, she always put their needs above everything else.

Another thing I absolutely loved was the shadowy presence of Nat and Ryker's love even when their moments together were limited. Ryker wasn't there but he was so f*cking there. One moment I'd be merrily reading along and suddenly, BAM! I'd be hit with a sentence or a dialogue which would send me in fits of crying.

"How long was he gone?"
I act like I have to think about it for a minute. "Five months."
...Three days, nine hours, and precious minutes.

I shakily unclasped the ribbon from my jacket and stared at it in my hands.
"Please come home, Ryker.Please, I whispered to the ribbon, as if it had a direct line to Ryker's ears.

Okay, yeah, right there - right there - is where Ryker pushed me, and I fell. But, over there is where he swept me, literally, off my feet when he first came home, and we kissed like no one was watching.

As fate would have it, they encounter each other again, and this time, they want to face the music so they can finally let go of their past. It's not easy, especially when they're fighting their own demons. But with the help of sound counsel from their therapists, friends and family, they might just be able to move on.

Needless to say, the growth in this story is amazing to witness. It's easy to judge others when they are visibly drunk, or stoned, or emotionally binge-eating or cutting. What we don't realize is that self-harm comes in different ways. You can endlessly beat yourself up for something you fault yourself with. You can choose to deprive yourself of something you deserve, whether it be your dream job or your chance at a loving, healthy relationship.

I can't express enough how moved I was with this book. There were so many characters I wanted to hug and receive hugs from (Ollie!). And God, I loved the writing and the author's ability to convey every thought and emotion into those pages. It was an emotional read. In fact, I don't think I've stopped crying from 50% onwards (I'm still brought to tears every time I think about the photo with the white knuckles). While it contained heavy subjects that proved to be heart-wrenching, it was also a feel-good book. I can't recommend it enough to anyone who'd love a story about second chances, sacrifices, and healing. One of my new all-time favourites for sure!

God, I miss you.
I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I'm going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. But don't, please. Don;t tell me to stop.
I love you.
With everything.
~Ry

Now you see why?


***
Many thanks to CHEL for buddy-reading it with me! Good to know that I'm not the only one who was a mess after reading this =)

[Kirsten P · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s been a few days since I've read Andrea Randall’s In The Stillness, and I can’t get it out of my mind. I read the blurb, and I was intrigued. Then I heard from a friend that it was the best thing he’s read all year… ALL YEAR! Such high praise, really? Okay, I had to check it out, so I added it to my TBR. I was fortunate enough to be offered the opportunity to have an ARC. The words you will be reading below, will in no way, shape or form do this book justice. Andrea Randall has blown me away.

We are dealing with difficult issues right off the bat. Natalie is trapped. She’s a mother of pre-school aged twin boys, she’s the wife of a man she no longer loves, and she cuts. As if all of that isn’t enough, she is still not over Ryker, the ex- boyfriend she sent off to war ten plus years ago who came back, damaged, broken.

“They took his soul over there, fuckers, and left me with the breathing carcass.”

She’s certainly not your typical “heroine”. These characters are far from perfect. Nat has flaws. She knows it, and she’s honest enough to let everyone know it. I’ll forewarn you Natalie for the first few chapters of this book can be pretty horrendous. She’s real, raw and honest things come flying out of her mouth that wives and mothers might *think* but say it out loud… nope, nah-ah, never. As a wife and a mother, I was immediately taken aback. Sure kids aren’t perfect, marriages go through their ups and their downs, but Natalie, she’s resentful, angry, and overwhelmed. She’s shattered and drowning, and there seems to be no relief in sight.

I was crying within the first few chapters. Yep, I was feeling it immediately, and I love that. This book is EMOTIONAL. You will need tissues, and lots of them.

"I keep cutting. For him. For me. For ruining lives. Apparently, I'm good at that."

I will admit I have never cut. I know there are many people today that do it, but if I’m to be honest, it’s not something I can understand or relate to. Well, it never used to be. Ms. Randall had me there with Nat, literally. I knew why she was doing it. I could sense the stress building up and the need for her release. I would feel the relief that came as the first drops of blood would spill. I wanted to hug her, and smack some sense into her at the same time. She just seems so lost. So weighted down by the past, and present. She’s consumed by guilt, and the what could have been. The what should have been. She’s mourning the loss of her life, but she’s still among the living.

This book will take you on a truly authentic journey of one woman’s quest to find herself and become whole. There will not be any sugar coating. There will be no rainbows, and easy way out. You will spend half the time wiping your eyes wishing that somehow you could just snap your fingers and make Nat’s life better. That one way or another all of this hurt could disappear. But as in real life there are no quick fixes. You have to love yourself enough to take steps toward finding out who you are. Nobody can create a happy life for you. Your happiness depends on you and your own choices. You have to have the desire to heal, and then struggle to find it. I felt Natalie throughout this one, and finally understood her, and came to appreciate and respect the person she had become.

Yes, this book is dark and heavy at times, but I cannot recommend it enough. I loved the originality of the story and the way it consumed me. The character development was seriously impressive. I’ve read other Andrea Randall books, and I’ve been a fan, but this book took her writing up an enormous notch.

Are you still reading this? What are you waiting for? Go one click.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

For me, it's usually the books that are the hardest to read that stick with me the longest. This is by far one of my favorite reads so far this year!

[Jessica's Book Review · Rating 5 out of 5]

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In the Stillness is Real and Powerful and totally blew my mind away.

Once I started In The Stillness I couldn’t put it down… it moved me in so many ways.

This is a MUST READ.







In The Stillness is about 31 year-old Natalie. A wife, a mother, a cutter. Five years ago Natalie became pregnant and was talked into keeping her twin babies by Eric, her boyfriend. Natalie didn’t want the babies but kept them and soon married Eric. Natalie gave up her education, her career to be a mom and a wife. Natalie is miserable; she doesn’t want to be a mom or a wife. She hates her husband, hates her life, and uses razor blades to get her emotions out.



At first I hated Natalie; she seemed to give up on her marriage for a long time. Eric may have not been a Saint but at least he tried, even at the very end he tried. Natalie was always angry and though she was never cruel to her children I hated knowing her inner thoughts about her children and being a mom. It made me sad for her children. I wasn’t sure I could care for her character but then it all changed.

“I feel like a caged animal, rabid with need for freedom that was stolen from me.”

In The Stillness is written in past and present time all in Natalie’s perspective over a 10 year span. Once I started to understand Natalie and her past relationship with the love of her life Ryker I understood where she was coming from and what she had lost. Ryker and Natalie dated in college, after September 11, 2001 Ryker was sent to Afghanistan and upon returning home was not the same man who left. Ryker is suffering from PTSD forcing Natalie out of his life. That is when Natalie begins to cut herself and meets Eric where her unexpected life begins.

“It feels like a lifetime ago that I was saying goodbye to you...
God, I miss you.
I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I’m going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. But don’t, please. Don’t tell me to stop.
I love you.
With everything.”


“They took his soul over there, fuckers, and left me with the breathing carcass.”


Now Eric and Natalie’s marriage is ending and Ryker reappears in Natalie’s life for the first time in 10 years…

“Do you love me?”
… “I never stopped, Nat. Not for a day.”




I felt so many different emotions while reading In The Stillness… it is not a sappy romantic novel about finding a long lost love. Natalie is suffering and needs help. She has to find herself and be happy before being with a man, even Ryker, who has his own issues to deal with.

In The Stillness is a story within a story. It’s moving, it’s powerful, it’s sad… there is so much to be sad for this book but I don’t want to ruin it for you at all. It’s a story worth reading and worth getting emotionally invested into the characters.

The only thing I can even complain about is there is no epilogue and I really needed an epilogue. I was so invested into every single character from Eric, to the twin boys, Tosha- Natalie’s best friend to Ryker & Natalie I had to know what became of them. I loved the ending, Ryker is amazing, he really is and what does at the end for Ollie was beautiful but… I just did not feel like I got a real ending. I have heard this is a stand-alone book which would have been perfect if I felt closure but I didn’t… I need that dang epilogue! That is the only reason I could not give In The Stillness 5 stars. With that said, this is still a MUST READ!

I give In The Stillness 4.5 Stars.