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Winning from Within: A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change
An expert on managing yourself for high performance presents a proven approach for getting more of what you want, improving your relationships, and enjoying life's deeper rewards, revealing how winning at work and in life begins by learning how to negotiate with yourself
Life is a series of negotiations, whether or not you think of yourself as a negotiator. From seemingly insignificant daily decisions to major life choices, you negotiate every time you aim to persuade, argue over a decision, or resolve a conflict. But as negotiations and leadership expert Erica Ariel Fox reveals, the most important negotiations-the ones that determine the impact of our actions and the quality of our lives-are those we have with ourselves.
Most of us recognize the difference between our knowledge-what we know we should do and say-and our know-how-what we actually do and say in real life when it counts. Fox calls this the "Performance Gap," and she shows you how to close it, turning breakdowns into breakthroughs, whether struggling with a difficult client, arguing with a combative teenager, or organizing for community action.
Winning from Within combines insights from Western psychology and Eastern philosophy with practical applications from real business situations and everyday life. Fox shows that the ability to achieve mastery over how we interact with each other comes from within, from the "center" where desires, thoughts, feelings, and impulses to take action live side-by-side. Winning from Within offers a profound and highly practical seven-step method for making changes that last-at work and at home. As Erica Ariel Fox demonstrates, we can actually get what we want-and feel good about the result.
Life is a series of negotiations, whether or not you think of yourself as a negotiator. From seemingly insignificant daily decisions to major life choices, you negotiate every time you aim to persuade, argue over a decision, or resolve a conflict. But as negotiations and leadership expert Erica Ariel Fox reveals, the most important negotiations-the ones that determine the impact of our actions and the quality of our lives-are those we have with ourselves.
Most of us recognize the difference between our knowledge-what we know we should do and say-and our know-how-what we actually do and say in real life when it counts. Fox calls this the "Performance Gap," and she shows you how to close it, turning breakdowns into breakthroughs, whether struggling with a difficult client, arguing with a combative teenager, or organizing for community action.
Winning from Within combines insights from Western psychology and Eastern philosophy with practical applications from real business situations and everyday life. Fox shows that the ability to achieve mastery over how we interact with each other comes from within, from the "center" where desires, thoughts, feelings, and impulses to take action live side-by-side. Winning from Within offers a profound and highly practical seven-step method for making changes that last-at work and at home. As Erica Ariel Fox demonstrates, we can actually get what we want-and feel good about the result.
384 pages, Hardcover
First published September 24, 2013
184 people are currently reading
1246 people want to read
About the author
Erica Ariel Fox
5 books16 followersErica Ariel Fox is the New York Times Bestselling author of Winning From Within: A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change. She teaches negotiation at Harvard Law School, where she began teaching in 1996. A highly sought-after advisor, Erica works with senior leaders around the world with her partners at Mobius Executive Leadership, and she’s also a Senior Advisor to McKinsey Leadership Development. Mixing nearly two decades of experience with business leaders and a personal touch, Erica brings a unique voice to the conversation about leading wisely and living well.
She lives with her husband and her step-son outside of Amsterdam, the Netherlands, as well as outside of Boston, Massachusetts. Her book comes out in September, and is already set to get translated into ten languages.
She lives with her husband and her step-son outside of Amsterdam, the Netherlands, as well as outside of Boston, Massachusetts. Her book comes out in September, and is already set to get translated into ten languages.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
August 18, 2013
A book about self management, self improvement, and increased enjoyment of life. It’s about doing all things better by paying attention to ourselves, our decisions, our words, and our deeds, because wisdom comes from within and it is where it must be tended to in order to flourish. This book is ideal for those looking to become more centered, achieve and perceive inner growth and balance, and handle things in a more productive manner. ...
April 23, 2018
I like the concept of the book. When you are in communication with others there are parts of you that are active and others remains dormant. When you want to be more successful you need to achieve balance in using all parts within you.
First step is to be aware about them. And later you can start to change.
In the book are the examples and great descriptions of real behaviors hidden behind each part.
First step is to be aware about them. And later you can start to change.
In the book are the examples and great descriptions of real behaviors hidden behind each part.
October 8, 2017
Wasn't my cup of tea. The whole process of identifying your inner personas and having "conversations" with them was just a little to fluffy for me. I can see why other people might like this book, but it just wasn't for me.
March 29, 2023
3.5 - liked this more than many business books, enjoyed the inner dialogue playing out between the Big 4 personalities and the Transformers. Book was interesting enough, might look into a workshop.
February 13, 2024
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this book from beginning to end.
August 28, 2013
Today’s Nonfiction post is on Winning from Within by Erica Ariel Fox. It is 351 pages long and is published by Harper Business. The cover is blue with the title in white and the author’s name in an orange rectangle in yellow. The intended reader is someone wants to be a better business person. There is no language, no sex, and no violence. The book is told from first person with the author giving stories and tips for the business world. There Be Spoilers Ahead.
From the back of the book- An expert on managing oneself for high performance presents a proven approach for getting more of what you want, improving your relationships, and enjoying life’s deeper rewards, revealing how winning at work and in life begins by learning how to negotiate with yourself.
Life is a series of negotiations, whether or not you think of yourself as a negotiator. From seemingly insignificant daily decisions to major life choices, you negotiate every time you aim to persuade, argue over a decision, or resolve a conflict. But as the negotiations and leadership expert Erica Ariel Fox reveals, the most important negotiations- the ones that determine the effect of our actions and the quality of our lives- are those we have with ourselves.
Most of us recognize the difference between our knowledge- what we know we should do and say- and our know-how- what we actually do and say in real life when it counts. Fox calls this the “Performance Gap” and she shows you how to close it, turning breakdowns into breakthroughs, whether you are struggling with a difficult client, arguing with a combative teenager, or organizing for community action.
Winning from Within combines insights from Western psychology and Eastern philosophy with practical applications from real business situations and everyday life, Fox shows that the ability to achieve mastery over how we interact with one another comes from within, where desires, thoughts, feelings, and impulses to take action live side by side. Winning from Within offers a profound and highly practical seven-step method for making changes that last, at work and at home. As Erica Ariel Fox demonstrates, we can actually get what we want- and feel good about the result.
Review- This is an interesting book but I am not sold that it is a good business book. It feels more like a self-help book with some ways to bring what you learn into your business life. She has some insights about this but I did not feel that she gives you ways to integrate her reasons and advice into the day-to-day life. Fox has many ideas going on in this self-help book. She pulls from twenty years of teaching and life experience. The writing is good and very readable. But I am just not sure this is what Fox was going for. I think that she is trying to put everything that she knows into one book. The third part of the book does not have advice or ways to integrate her teaching about three overall mental helpers. I think that if I could go to one of her weekend teachings that I have a better understanding of what Fox is trying to explain. If you are looking for a new personality book with a business bent then this book is a good choice for you. Otherwise not really.
I give this Book a Three stars out of Five. I get nothing for my review and I was given an ARC copy from HarperCollins publishing in exchange for an honest review.
August 30, 2013
Brilliant combination of the business book and self help genres, Winning from Within shows you how to become the leader you've always wanted to be -- or need to be -- by getting a handle on the most difficult negotiation you'll have everyday: the one with yourself. How many times have you known intellectually what you should say -- in a business setting, to a colleague, to a spouse, to a friend -- and yet said the wrong thing, or something knee-jerk or something thoughtless? Fox explains why that happens so predictably and how to understand yourself better and win that dialogue before you say the wrong thing out loud. The book is filled with lots of examples from the business and personal spheres, and the advice is practical, to the point, and always useful. Very helpful for anyone who wants to get out of his or her own way.
June 5, 2019
3.5 stars.
I listened to the audiobook.
Really, all you need to read is the first couple of chapters and the last chapter.
The rest is a little repetitive. Fox has fallen into the same trap as many other leadership writers. She had a good idea that could have been presented well in about 100 pages. But the ideas are beaten to death with too much description (or not the right description) and too many examples.
I listened to the audiobook.
Really, all you need to read is the first couple of chapters and the last chapter.
The rest is a little repetitive. Fox has fallen into the same trap as many other leadership writers. She had a good idea that could have been presented well in about 100 pages. But the ideas are beaten to death with too much description (or not the right description) and too many examples.
October 27, 2015
I'm so glad I read this book. It's helping me immensely, allowing me to see myself and my abilities differently. I'm already incorporating its concepts and making small changes in how I approach situations.
May 18, 2023
The author of the book winning from within is Erica Ariel Fox. She is an author, lecturer, and negotiation expert who is best known for writing this book. She is a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review and has been featured in a variety of media outlets including The Newy York Times, and The Wall Street Journal.She has a law degree from Harvard and a Bachelor's degree in psychology from Barnard College. Currently she is a lecturer at Harvard Law School and a senior advisor to McKinsey Leadership Development. She is also a founding partner of Mobius Executive Leadership, which is a consulting firm that specializes in leadership development and organizational transformation.
The purpose of the book winning from within helps readers understand their emotions and motivations in order to become more effective communicators and leaders to help them encourage people. The book’s chief claim would be that if people are trying to get better with their self-awareness and trying to become a better leader and motivator then it will start with them and it will take what’s inside of them to make sure that they can become what they want to become. The book is broken into five different parts, and each of these are things that will help you become more self-aware. Each of the five parts is a couple chapters long, and the book starts off with the most important one to start with and then it continues with each one adding on to the before it. The book winning from within is about self-awareness and showing how these skills can be used to help you better your communication skills as well as your leadership skills, it also helps people who are trying to understand ways that will help them motivate themselves and then others because if you can’t motivate yourself first then it will be hard for you to motivate others to do things.
I would say that this book was a very good read and it was something that when reading it you were able to apply the things that you were reading about to your own life and see how they worked out for you. I think that the author met the purpose that she put out there because it was a book that really focused on motivation and self-awareness as well as leadership skills and the purpose of this book was to help people in those aspects of their lives to help them become better people in their daily lives. I think that the audience that this book was written for was a good choice because if you were to read this book and no be willing to do things outside of your comfort zone and be open to change then this book wouldn’t help you in any way but if you wanted to be better in the way you motivate yourself and become better self-aware then this book would be a great read as it talks about ways that you can motivate yourself and ways that you can become better self-aware. The style of this book was good as at the beginning of every chapter it would give you a quote and throughout the book it had diagrams and examples going along with what they were talking about in that section, for example it would talk about the things that you would need to do to become more open to your own motivation and on the next page it would show a diagram on what those things are and the benefits of them and the cons of doing what you wanted to achieve. Overall I think that this book is really good and a great read for people that are willing and open to learning how they can become better motivators and become more self-aware to learning about themselves in different ways.
The purpose of the book winning from within helps readers understand their emotions and motivations in order to become more effective communicators and leaders to help them encourage people. The book’s chief claim would be that if people are trying to get better with their self-awareness and trying to become a better leader and motivator then it will start with them and it will take what’s inside of them to make sure that they can become what they want to become. The book is broken into five different parts, and each of these are things that will help you become more self-aware. Each of the five parts is a couple chapters long, and the book starts off with the most important one to start with and then it continues with each one adding on to the before it. The book winning from within is about self-awareness and showing how these skills can be used to help you better your communication skills as well as your leadership skills, it also helps people who are trying to understand ways that will help them motivate themselves and then others because if you can’t motivate yourself first then it will be hard for you to motivate others to do things.
I would say that this book was a very good read and it was something that when reading it you were able to apply the things that you were reading about to your own life and see how they worked out for you. I think that the author met the purpose that she put out there because it was a book that really focused on motivation and self-awareness as well as leadership skills and the purpose of this book was to help people in those aspects of their lives to help them become better people in their daily lives. I think that the audience that this book was written for was a good choice because if you were to read this book and no be willing to do things outside of your comfort zone and be open to change then this book wouldn’t help you in any way but if you wanted to be better in the way you motivate yourself and become better self-aware then this book would be a great read as it talks about ways that you can motivate yourself and ways that you can become better self-aware. The style of this book was good as at the beginning of every chapter it would give you a quote and throughout the book it had diagrams and examples going along with what they were talking about in that section, for example it would talk about the things that you would need to do to become more open to your own motivation and on the next page it would show a diagram on what those things are and the benefits of them and the cons of doing what you wanted to achieve. Overall I think that this book is really good and a great read for people that are willing and open to learning how they can become better motivators and become more self-aware to learning about themselves in different ways.
September 29, 2021
The way of thinking in this book is helpful for those, who would like to understand their behavior better. It is a toolbox of categorizing your internal and external responses into 4, which allows you to then choose the most optimal one. The more this is practiced, the faster it happens.
For me, I realized how I have led most of my life with Thinker with some help from Lover and Warrior, but my Dreamer has been asleep. Now, when I have a response then I take a step back to quickly observe which part of me is speaking and come up with all 4 responses and then I make a decision on how to react.
The book is also full of real-life examples and quotes from great people. It does assume that you are aware of great achievers of the world, but the book gives enough context.
I missed practical tips. E. Fox gives you a new way of thinking - a goal to achieve - but how you do it is mostly up to you. The book does promote her course, which is much more expensive than the book, so the practical tips are probably there. Still, if you put enough effort into understanding this new mindset then it has the potential to shake your inner world in a positive way.
For me, I realized how I have led most of my life with Thinker with some help from Lover and Warrior, but my Dreamer has been asleep. Now, when I have a response then I take a step back to quickly observe which part of me is speaking and come up with all 4 responses and then I make a decision on how to react.
The book is also full of real-life examples and quotes from great people. It does assume that you are aware of great achievers of the world, but the book gives enough context.
I missed practical tips. E. Fox gives you a new way of thinking - a goal to achieve - but how you do it is mostly up to you. The book does promote her course, which is much more expensive than the book, so the practical tips are probably there. Still, if you put enough effort into understanding this new mindset then it has the potential to shake your inner world in a positive way.
March 10, 2024
This was recommended by the CEO of the company I am working in. The book establishes the concepts in the first chapter and then covers each element in subsequent dedicated chapters. While it felt like a stretch at the time of reading, the concept itself was thought provoking and a good way to articulate thoughts. I found this applicable in some specific parts of my life which I am sure are common for many of us.
A brief plot below:
- All of us have 4 broad personas within us
1. Dreamer - who envisions and dreams the future
2. Thinker - who assesses all rationally and plans if and how to achieve those dreams
3. Lover - who connects with people
4. Warrior - who executes it all
- We often have one or two of these personas taking charge which results in us wondering why we do (or don't do) things differently than we would have wanted.
Rest of the book is about how to get all four of these personas in sync to be your best self.
A brief plot below:
- All of us have 4 broad personas within us
1. Dreamer - who envisions and dreams the future
2. Thinker - who assesses all rationally and plans if and how to achieve those dreams
3. Lover - who connects with people
4. Warrior - who executes it all
- We often have one or two of these personas taking charge which results in us wondering why we do (or don't do) things differently than we would have wanted.
Rest of the book is about how to get all four of these personas in sync to be your best self.
February 16, 2020
I think this book is quite nice and gives time for the reader to reflect on their inner-self and the qualities that are translated from the inside to the outside. However, after finishing the book, it feels a little bit substance-less, meaning that it wasn't too much that I could seriously carry out into my own life. Nonetheless, this also totally depend on what life stage you are in. For someone who is struggling with their work and life in general or someone who is yearning for change, it will be quite helpful to reflect on the inner-self.
With that said, this book does provide useful insights for further reading as it has sparked my interest in the various multitude of self-help and leadership books that are out there. And with my little bit of past experience with other leadership books - it all begins at self-reflection and looking within which this book points out very well.
With that said, this book does provide useful insights for further reading as it has sparked my interest in the various multitude of self-help and leadership books that are out there. And with my little bit of past experience with other leadership books - it all begins at self-reflection and looking within which this book points out very well.
January 3, 2021
Very good book! I highly recommend it to anybody interested in personal development.
What I liked about the book:
It is well structured ; The succession of ideas makes sense and there are some good ideas for reflection
Key points which I noted down:
- We all have 4 parts (ego/ persona): warrior (ceo), lover (hr vp), the dreamer, the thinker (cfo)
- You need to be a bit of everything and know which part to bring to the task
- We have 3 directors/ transformers (freedom from ego identification; self actualization): 1) the lookout (keeps an eye what’s going on; warns); 2)the captain (coordinates the big 4 for the situation;) 3) the voyager- building capacity for new roles
What I liked about the book:
It is well structured ; The succession of ideas makes sense and there are some good ideas for reflection
Key points which I noted down:
- We all have 4 parts (ego/ persona): warrior (ceo), lover (hr vp), the dreamer, the thinker (cfo)
- You need to be a bit of everything and know which part to bring to the task
- We have 3 directors/ transformers (freedom from ego identification; self actualization): 1) the lookout (keeps an eye what’s going on; warns); 2)the captain (coordinates the big 4 for the situation;) 3) the voyager- building capacity for new roles
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 23, 2019
Pretty interesting book about how each of has an internal Dreamer, Thinker, Warrior and Lover, and how tapping into each of those personas in a variety of situations will help us be better leaders. I found it pretty applicable to all sorts of relationships and liked her case studies helping clients understand how their over-use of a persona was a detriment to their success in business or personal life. It encourages some great tips for navigating stressful situations as well.
There's a quiz you can take online that will help you figure out what area you might need to pull out more as well.
There's a quiz you can take online that will help you figure out what area you might need to pull out more as well.
October 5, 2017
Fox's Dreamer-Thinker-Lover-Warrior construct is worthy of a podcast (which is where I learned about it), but less worthy of a 10-hour audiobook. I found myself skipping through after even listening to it at 2x was not fast enough. Too many stories that only support her arguments in the most general sense, if at all. And if I heard the phrase "overcome your performance gap" one more time I would have lost my mind.
March 27, 2021
This book explained, in a concise way, the manner in which we can create a balanced life. The explanations put a label on the various emotions at work within each of us. A very good read.
Buy the ebook now:
Winning from Within: A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change
Buy the ebook now:
Winning from Within: A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change
October 24, 2023
I had the opportunity to read “Winning from within” book and also attended to a Leadership course, using this book as a based. This was fantastic experience to understand the four archetypes: 1) Dreamer, 2) Lover, 3) Thinker and 4) Warrior. Understanding all of us we are the captain or Voyager of our lives. We can choice when and where we will use each archetype, depending of our Voyager criteria. I super recommend to read this book.
December 14, 2017
Basically she encourages multiple personaliy disorder. Listen to you creative self, your analytical self, emotional self, etc. If I'm in the middle of a discussion I'm not going to stop and ask myself "is this my analytical side or my emotional side?". Might work for some, not my cup of tea. Disappointing compared to other harvard negotiators.
January 14, 2024
“Life isn’t about finding your self. Life is about creating yourself” George Bernard Shaw.
This book about self development. Erica shows us the big four model : Dreamer, Thinker, Lover and Warrior with an example, questions guide. This book help you realize about yourself and time for awakening to be captain in your life.
This book about self development. Erica shows us the big four model : Dreamer, Thinker, Lover and Warrior with an example, questions guide. This book help you realize about yourself and time for awakening to be captain in your life.
October 29, 2020
I enjoyed this and gained some valuable insight from it. I found it a little confused in some places and overly simplistic in others.
I appreciate that Fox has deliberately placed Jungian archetypes within a business setting, thus I found the narrative devoid of spirituality despite many mentions of Christianity (which I found hegemonic and somewhat off-putting). This for me will always remain problematic, however within a business context and for those new to archetypes I understand this positioning.
3.5 stars I've rounded to a 4.
I appreciate that Fox has deliberately placed Jungian archetypes within a business setting, thus I found the narrative devoid of spirituality despite many mentions of Christianity (which I found hegemonic and somewhat off-putting). This for me will always remain problematic, however within a business context and for those new to archetypes I understand this positioning.
3.5 stars I've rounded to a 4.
December 16, 2020
We all have a CEO, CFO, CHRO and COO inside ourselves, but which one take the lead?
This is a great book to take a look inside my mind and create my own toolbox in order to change how I interact with the outer environment.
This is a great book to take a look inside my mind and create my own toolbox in order to change how I interact with the outer environment.
November 21, 2021
Appreciate how this book pushes the reader to reflect on how to improve one's communication with others. Credit to Erica for giving a clear and memorable framework with practical examples from the her own workshops.
January 27, 2023
Overall a good book, interesting concept that could’ve been much shorter. She drops names in almost every other paragraph which feels so repetitive and exhausting. I appreciate examples but I don’t need so many. Find a summary to get the good points.
February 10, 2018
矛盾的心理有因可循，因为你的的内心有着思想家，爱人，勇士和梦想家，而归于中心的本我是一场有意义的人生. 只是想问为什么英文书名《winning from within》被翻译成了谈判心理学
August 12, 2019
Fabulous book. Loved the approach.
November 23, 2022
What would make a nice HBR article gets tedious in book form.
March 26, 2024
This is a self help book that could’ve been 100 pages long. While some insights are valuable, overall it’s too repetitive.
February 24, 2024
Audiobook
Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews