Ministering to Problem People in Your Church: What to Do With Well-Intentioned Dragons

by Marshall Shelley, Rick McKinley (Foreword)

Do you face well-intentioned dragons?

Every church has them--sincere, well-meaning Christians who leave ulcers, strained relationships, and hard feelings in their wake. They don't intend to be hostile; they don't consciously plot destruction or breed discontent. But they often do undermine the ministry of the church and make pastors question their calling.

Ministering to Problem People in Your Church will guide you in dealing with these challenging people. Based on real-life accounts of battle-scarred veterans, this book helps you go beyond just tolerating problem people to limiting their damage and showing them God's love. You'll discover effective strategies to turn dissidents into disciples.

This time-tested book by the editor-in-chief of Christianity Today's Leadership Journal has new chapters on using social media and caring for those with mental illness. It will help you not only preserve your sanity (and maybe your job), but minister more effectively, even to those who make life difficult.

Genres: Leadership, Church, Nonfiction, Christian, Religion, Ecclesiology, Christianity

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1985

Reviews

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Dragons...within the church, they are often sincere, well-meaning saints, but they leave ulcers, strained relationships, and hard feelings in their wake. They don’t consider themselves difficult people. They don’t sit up nights thinking of ways to be nasty. Often they are pillars of the community—talented, strong personalities, deservingly respected—but for some reason, they undermine the ministry of the church. In most cases, they are not naturally rebellious or pathological; they are loyal church members, convinced they’re serving God, but they wind up doing more harm than good" (p. 12).

We are all sheep. But some sheep bite. Now I learn that other sheep are actually "sheep-dragons." An excellent and must-read resource for all church leaders. Shelley provides tons of examples and wisdom from many pastors who went head-to-head with the "dragons" in their churches. There are several sad encounters depicted here, but many redemptive ones as well, which gives us hope that the dragons don't always just get their way.

[Justin McGuire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wise for pastors to read.

[Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had this book about 3 1/2 to 4 years ago. This book is a gold mine of insights and help especially to the pastor who has to deal, constantly, with people. Dragons come in all shapes and sizes and almost always resort to personal attacks and plays for power to attain what they want. Shelly comments that the worst dragons are often the ones who were the pastor’s strongest supporters at the beginning (in fact, many times, the ones who called the pastor). Something that I learned about a year ago was confirmed by this book: If no trust, church will be unhealthy, and the tenure short. Some boards don’t allow the pastor to win trust - they see their job as to keep the pastor in line, and unless that changes, that ministry is doomed (pg. 98-99). Shelly highlighted the idea that dragons are not those with different ideas (that is a very, very good thing!!), rather those with destructive patterns. And in dealing with these patterns he writes, “taming dragons is not giving in, becoming a doormat, appeasing them so they won’t spew their wrath throughout the church, because leaders are servants doesn’t mean they must passively accept injustice or ignore threats to the body.”

In my life I have faced dragons. Ironically, at one point they were the dragon slayers but as what can sometimes happen they became the very ones they were fighting. I wish the end result could have been somthing similiar to what Shelley says on page 146: “I don’t completely understand you. I can’t excuse what has happened, and I can’t forget what you have done. But here’s my hand. I want to be your friend again. I still want to work with you. Let’s begin over.”

This is a great book for any pastor or leader facing a bad situation, or who just wants to stay ahead of the ball game. It’s not the kind of book you want to read, but the kind you are so glad you did because it gives you insight into a dragon, their personality, their destructiveness, how to confront them, when to and what you can learn through the process as well. As my dad has told me, “people are people.” And sometimes, people are dragons.

[Todd Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book by Marshall Shelley it's amazing how much of it applies to every church I have had the privilege of serving in or pastoring. There are dragons, and these dragons, as well-intentioned as they may be, can cause serious damage. Though dragons can cause damage, they can also be tamed through discipleship. The Author points out the various types of dragons so that as leaders we are able to identify them, and begin to pray that the wisdom of the Lord might show us how to properly disciple the dragon turning it from dragon to devoted disciple. A must read for pastors and ministers alike.

[Walter Wolmart · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is awesome, I've read it over and over, I keep it close to me, and use it for our interns.

The greatest part is after reading the book you can become equipped on how the restoration process should be, sometimes it us who have to change, although most of the times it's just know how to recognize or identify those dragons before they cause any destruction...

I give this book a 5 out of 5

[Ryan Hawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't say I *enjoyed* reading this—it wasn’t that well written, it was weighed down by some excessively long stories, and the author is a little more liberal-leaning in his theology than me—and yet, the practical insights were overall helpful. So I’d give it a 3.5, rounded up to 4.

The book did a good job making me think about how people work, and especially how, as the subtitle says, usually the people who are the hardest in the church genuinely do have good intentions. They mean to love and help, although they don’t actually do so. This book helped me think about this, and how to respond and lead and love well.

But the best part of the book was the overall call to *love* those who are hard. Not to compromise truth or wisdom, but to forgive and love and learn when these problems come. Essentially, to be humble and Christ-like, even toward dragons. Overall, chapter by chapter, he emphasized this, and it made an imprint on me. If nothing else, when those “dragons” breathe next time, I’ll at least have more of a warning bell in my mind telling me to really *love*.

On this, the epilogue was a great way to end as well. Basically, he just says that it is in community that we really can grow and learn to love. He also pointed out (in CS Lewis-like fashion) that we cannot choose those in our families or in the church, and it’s there that we really learn *agape* love like God.

So overall, the practical stuff was pretty good, and the call to love was excellent. But oftentimes, because of his more theologically liberal bent (or so it seemed, I don’t know if that’s actually true), I found myself in the stories often being in the middle between the dragon and the pastor, thinking that the dragon of course was too harsh, but also thinking the pastor responded pretty poorly. That made it tough to read, but overall, again, a helpful book.

[Christy Chermak · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read for anyone in Christian leadership roles. This one had crossed my path multiple times in one week so I decided on an impulse to get online and order it. Glad I did- full of reminders you’re not alone when leadership feels impossible, and lots of practical as well as value based reminders on how to still love others well when they’re extra difficult to love. Read through it quickly. Lots of take aways to consider as far as handling critics go- I will probably gift this to anyone I work with, as I only see critical voices becoming more and more the baseline of our culture, so…you can probably take that as my highest recommendation!

[Blake Stout · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good and helpful book, as well as a very easy and short read. Some of the “dragon encounters” in the book were, admittedly, a little depressing, but the final chapters and especially the epilogue tie everything together in a way that is thought-provoking, encouraging, and scriptural.

[Todd Bryant · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. It addresses negative members, which most pastors face. Some parts are a bit dated and some likely are not relevant to every man. But it’s a good read nevertheless.

[Audrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I told a friend who is a pastor's wife that I just became a pastor's wife, and asked if she had any wisdom for me, she immediately recommended this book so I picked it up and read it. It had a lot of good examples of the behaviors in church boards and members that one might expect to see in ministry from time to time, whether taking/starting a healthy or an unhealthy church. Reading the real-life case examples (names and places changed to protect people) was a little like reading a Stephen King novel, though, where you get addicted to the story of the gore of the crimes of humanity. I try to think the best of people and am always just shocked to read stories of how horrid even Christians can be, especially to each other. No, the author's point was not to scare people away from ministry, just to describe what he calls "dragons" - people in the church who for some reason or another choose to engage in manipulative tactics to get their way when either their will is crossed or they feel left out, put down, set aside, disregarded, insecure, or insignificant.

I think his language was a little strong, I wouldn't call a person a dragon. I think it's more accurate to say they are a person with either a sin issue or a hurt issue, who is engaging in unhelpful, hurtful, manipulative behaviors. They're not dragons. They're people. In God's vernacular, they're sheep. And hurting sheep hurt sheep. That's a reality I learned long ago, so while I may be shocked at the ways in which some people behave when they're hurting, I also can understand. People deal with hurt differently and often can't see beyond their own hurt to recognize how they are hurting others.

While there were alot of great sections and stories in the book, I feel like my spiritual upbringing has prepared me as well as this book could have. The church I was raised in as a young adult taught very strongly that if you have an issue with a Christian brother/sister, or you believe they have an issue with you, you go to them and get it right - and this was done regularly, as part of the church service, once a month at the time of communion. We were all asked to examine our hearts before taking Communion, and if we had any ill toward someone we were to go right then and there over to them (assuming they were in the room) and deal with it - ask forgiveness. It helped to create an amazing culture which just is not seen in other churches. A main mantra of that church was that we are all to be "Open, Honest and Transparent" - it's one of the basics taught to all newcomers, and they live by it. If all churches did, you'd see alot less 'dragon-like' behaviors. People act this way when there is nobody who is committed to holding them accountable to walking in the fruit of the spirit, esteeming others as greater than yourself.

There was also a very strong structure to that church, with levels and layers of oversight and accountability. While this much structure can lead to legalism and a controlling, micro-managing environment, it does help to nip gossip or bad attitudes in the bud before they have a chance to build into church-wide dissension, which is another of the issues covered several times in this book.

His insights on how to deal with behaviors and their people, though, are good, but it's alot of wisdom I've learned already either through outreach to people of all sorts on campus, or through being involved in human resources in a small stressful company for several years.

One other thing too, is that I'm not sure this book is as relevant to my context today, as it is maybe to ministry leaders in smaller towns or more rural areas, or in the 1980s, which is when the book was published. I think alot of the stories shared in the book occurred because at that time, or in smaller towns, people stayed in "their church" whether or not they liked the pastor. People saw the church as "theirs" and if they didn't like the pastor they would just wait it out, or make it difficult for him, until he was replaced with a new one.

These days, especially in bigger cities like where I live (Portland/Vancouver), there are SO MANY good churches, that if people don't like the pastor or aren't getting their way, they often just switch churches. Not as many people are as committed to "their church" as they were thirty years ago. Now, in a small town obviously, that's going to be different. If there's only three churches, the people probably aren't going to leave their church if they are truly believers.

Overall, definitely a good read - a good refresher of alot of truths that I know, and a good eye opener to how some people act towards pastors, and how some people view pastors. Even though it's older, it definitely has alot of insight and I would also recommend it to anyone going into the ministry.

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

The church is full of difficult people. Often they don’t mean to be divisive, but pastors have to navigate power plays from lay leaders or other people opposed to the minister’s ministry philosophy. Differences in theological convictions can lead to mistrust and questioning of pastoral motives. Sometimes lay leaders have convictions about how to deal strongly with sin in the congregation without seeing the full picture that the pastor sees in confidential counseling sessions. This often means that when ‘dragons’ act to nip a problem in the bud, they cause undue hurt and consternation. Author Marshall Shelley calls these problem people, “Well-intentioned Dragons.” After all they aren’t trying to make life hell for those around them, but the end up causing much pastoral anxiety.

Ministering to Problem People in the Church helps pastors diagnosis problem people, set appropriate boundaries, create a culture of active lay participation and healthy leadership and confront these ‘dragons’ where necessary. Ministering to Problem People in the Church was originally published as Well-Intentioned Dragons. I actually read the earlier edition of this book and found it helpful of understanding the dynamics of fallen people in church. New to this edition was a chapter on electronic communication which gives pastors some principles for communicating well in a world of texts, email and social media (and not compounding problems!). Also Shelley has a chapter on dealing with those struggling with mental illness in the church, which is sensitive to the dynamics of treatment and affirms the full personhood of those who struggle without demonizing them.

I think Shelley’s shorthand of ‘well-intentioned dragons’ for difficult congregants is problematic (these are fellow image-bearers not mythical beasts) but he offers sound advice on how to navigate troubled waters. Despite the shorthand label, he advocates attempt to approach dragons with respect and understanding, sensitive to their past wounds. He also doesn’t think we are in the business of slaying dragons, but of winning them back to the body of Christ (following Matthew 18). So despite the nomenclature, Shelley humanizes God’s problem children in the church.

Another concern one might have while reading this book is, ‘what if the pastor is the the problem?” Spiritual abuse and clergy misconduct are real issues but that is beyond the scope of this book. Shelley assumes that the pastor is attempting to lead God’s people well. I would hate for abusive pastors to label all their opponents as ‘dragons’ as a way of silencing them, but that would be to ignore most of Shelley’s advice. But if you assume that this book is written to help pastors lead healthy congregations (which it was), and follow Shelley’s advice for creating a healthy leadership culture, their is little cause for concern here.

Pastors and ministry leaders will find in Shelley’s helpful advice for shepherding God’s people, especially when they find themselves at loggerheads with those they seek to lead. This will be much more helpful to the ministry practitioner (its intended audience) than the general reader. I give this book four stars.

Thank you to Bethany House Publishers for providing me a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Deena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ministering to Problem People in Your Church is a practical self-help book that touches on a subject everyone sees, but no one wants to address. Every church has these types of people. Well-intentioned people who hurt others in the wake of their "help." Don't lie, you thought of at least one person when you read that title.

Shelley describes the cause and effect of these people and how to deal with them. His advice isn't condescending towards these people. He points out that these people are doing and saying what they believe is right. They genuinely believe they are doing what God wants them to in order to grow and benefit the church.

The thing is, it's easy to get angry and start pushing blame onto these people. It's easy to let them wear you down. It's NOT easy to accept them having a different opinion than you, especially not when they bring you down for it. Shelley does a wonderful job of showing how we are supposed to respond to these types of people with love. We are not to let them steal our joy. We should try and see their point and are to respect them as individuals with opinions.

You are not always going to agree with everything everyone says. And people aren't always going to agree with everything you say. People will even try to bring you down for it. That's life. It happens. You must confront the person, discuss the differences with them respectfully.

I personally benefited from this book. I know several people that could be referred to as well-intentioned dragons. They're not trying to hurt people, and yet they do. Shelley walks you through step by step instructions in how to deal with people that "leave ulcers, strained relationships, and hard feelings in their wake." The tools taken from this book are ones I will be implementing in my own life.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stuart Briscoe once noted the qualifications of a pastor, “the mind of a scholar, the heart of a child, and the hide of a rhinoceros.”

Marshall Shelley's book on how to navigate leading difficult congregants was published in 1985 and you can feel all of the intervening 35 years. Many of the issues that Shelley addresses feel like they are from a bygone era. And yet, there is still a lot of wisdom in Shelley's book, both in deciphering the types of dragons in the church, and in discerning how to deal with those dragons.

The ultimate issue with dragons “is not their direct opposition… They destroy enthusiasm.” They also impact pastors by sapping “the pastor’s energy, and, just as damaging, goad them into reacting instead of acting.”
Shelley’s dragons are:
• The Bird Dog: sniffs out issues for the pastor’s attention;
• The Supernatural Bird Dog: “The Lord laid on my heart that we should…”
• The Wet Blanket: has a contagious, negative disposition;
• The Entrepreneur: enthusiastic, but focused on making profit for themselves;
• Captain Bluster: every statement concludes with an exclamation point;
• The Fickle Financier: funds the work of the church with strings attached;
• The Busybody: tells others how to do their jobs;
• The Sniper: avoids face-to-face conflict, instead picks off the pastor in private conversations;
• The Bookkeeper: keeps a written record of everything;
• The Merchant of Muck: breeds dissatisfaction with lists of what is wrong;
• The Legalist: creates a list of absolutes.

From the title, you might think that Shelley's approach is condescending, but that isn't the case. He approaches both pastors and congregants with a perspective of shared humanity and empathy. Shelley urges, “When attacked by a dragon, do not become one.” And, dragons are not to be dismissed out of hand, we have to “Learn what [we] can from the opposition.”

In the end, we don’t need to be afraid of failure, even the barbs of dragons can be used by God on our hearts. As A.W. Tozer said, “It’s doubtful that God can use any man greatly until he’s hurt him deeply.”

Each of these lessons is invaluable.

I would love to see someone pick up Shelley's book and revisit it for a contemporary audience. The concept still has a lot to offer.

For more reviews see www.thebeehive.live.

[Preston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marshall Shelley takes years of experiences of different pastors and uses them to write about this topic of well-intentioned dragons. The Church today is known by Christians as having a wide variety of different opinions and outlooks to ministering to people and communities. When most of these disagreements clash, people can find a resolution or a middle ground. But sometimes they cant, and that is where this idea of a well-intentioned dragon comes from as Shelley explains it. He shares many stories from many pastors across all denominations to argue his points of radical forgiveness, intentionality in relationships, and a humble spirit throughout this book. My only real critique with this book is its lack of Biblical support vs. case studies. There was Scripture used in the book, but for every verse of Scripture that is quoted in the book there is a whole page of stories of different pastors. And while that is good, I think a theological look at the power and practice of forgiveness and endurance in ministry could have improved this book. But overall, it was a great book full of many easy applications. As someone training for ministry I would recommend this book to anyone involved in church leadership!

[Taylor Russell · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a solid book filled with tons of case-studies and thoughtful scenarios. I found myself thinking time and time again, “wow, I probably wouldn’t have handle that situation well at all,” and so reading through this book helped me to at least have thought through potential ways to act as a pastor.

My biggest hiccup with this book though, and the reason I give 3 stars instead of 4, is that I found myself in pretty much every single chapter thinking, “if this church had even a slightly functioning elder board, these problems would be turning out way different.” It seems that most of these case-studies involve churches with a single pastor as the main authority and almost no competent elders to lean on. Shelly does bring this up, mentioning that elders and other leaders are important, but I would have liked to seen a push for stronger eldership within churches instead of focusing so much on how to pastor your way out of these situations. Great book though overall.

[Dawn Nordquist · Rating 3 out of 5]

I know very little about church leadership so I can't speak to all the authors ideas. I got this book because it was mentioned in something else I read and I saw similar characteristics of the dragons in myself. This book helped remind me to love and be in constant prayer for my leaders and that God would keep me from being a well intentioned dragon. I can see how, in past situations, I have said or done something without understanding the consequences.
It did have some helpful leadership suggestions that I think would be helpful for any leader in a church. It is an old book so expect language that we don't necessarily use much today. I also don't know if I agree with the pastors in the examples. He doesn't always say if it was a good decision or not, like I wished he did, but like I said, I don't know much about church leadership.

[Josh Hendley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marshall Shelley gives aLOT of stories and testimonies in this book, but they all the more help set the scene of what ministry looks like. Sometimes, the stories seem like a psychological horror novel; it was terrifying and infuriating at times. Some of what Shelley suggests can be summed up by saying “build relationships with dragons, keep your cool, rely on God.” Nonetheless, there are helpful suggestions as big as “give the problem people a job at your church” to as little as “put the email address in after you write the email.”

[Lance Hanbey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! Would highly recommend. This book was recommended to me by two different ministers that I worked under in two separate churches and actually gifted to me by one of them. Would say it is a must read for those in ministry or even those in the church interested in getting a better idea of what pastors work through on a regular basis! Shelley presents a strong and compelling (and encouraging!) picture of the realities of ministering to people in the church.

[Alisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! I’m tempted to say I wish I had read this when my hubby first entered the ministry, but I think several years in service gives one the context necessary to really grasp and understand the author’s message. Every scenario/story resonated with a personal experience. Even the beloved church at Phillipi had dragons. This book better equips leaders to deal with them.

[Nathan Whitley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that all pastors and ministers should read. The complexities of working within the church and keeping good relationships, while leading is laid out here. I wish there was more advice on how to communicate with dragons, what was given will suffice.

My main take away is that I have no idea why any church would have a board. Leadership, yes. Accountability, yes. A church board? No way!

[Chad Gillihan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an eye opening and encouraging book !!

This book has some unique perspectives documented and I can almost see people I have known filling in these personas and situations to exact degrees !! The information in this book can go beyond the church into businesses and everyday relationships !!

[Paul Frederick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good book for both Pastors and Christian workers. Throughout our ministries we will undoubtedly deal with folks who might have good intentions, but ultimately hurt us, the church, and the cause of Christ. The author shares enough real-life stories to keep it interesting, but also enough practical advice to make it more than worth your while.

[Scott Bach-Hansen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is important for those entering ministry. I am a 2nd career Pastor involved in various lay leadership positions over the years. this gave me some insight into what was coming. However, for those who are new to ministry or have not had experience in lay leadership roles, this book can be extremely helpful. As a side note, being part of a clergy covenant group has been helpful.

[Linda Carlile · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful

If you need help negotiating the sea of personalities as a leader this is a good start. Awareness of actions & their origins will arm you with skills to work with & endure their pain.

[Brandon · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a topic! I wish I had read this a few years ago, and I wish for others that they will read it soon. Shelley does a great job of blending story, tips, and theology in an easy 150 pages ripe with wisdom.

[Nicholas · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for any pastor or leader in the church

If this book was read by every new pastor in a church, regardless of denomination, it would save a lot of damage to the body of Christ in the future! Timeless classic.

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dan Carlson, you might like this book.

[Marci Prose · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read for anyone in the ministry.

[Nathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. Up there with Lee Eclov.

[Jedediah Gorham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful read to church leaders.