How to Discipline Kids Without Losing Their Love and Respect: An Introduction to Love and Logic

by Jim Fay

Imagine... No More Arguing. Imagine... No More Manipulation. Imagine... Stess Free Parenting. For over fifty years, Jim Fay has worked with schools, families, and children in the areas of teaching, parenting and discipline. In 1977, along with internationally renowned psychiatrist Dr. Foster W. Cline, he founded the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. which is dedicated to helping parents and educators create responsible kids. We know you will enjoy this book by beloved storyteller and parenting expert, Jim Fay, as he speaks to parents, educators, and community leaders about how to discipline kids without losing their love or respect.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Childrens, Family

81 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Luann Habecker]

pg 14: Listed below are some "one liners" designed to neutralize arguments. Just pick one you like and repeat it like a broken record. With genuine compassion and understanding in your voice. Not flippantly discounting their feelings.

Probably so.
I bet it feels that way.
What do you think you're going to do?
I don't know. What do you think?
Bummer. How sad.
Thanks for sharing that.
Don't worry about it now.
That's an option.
I be that's true.
Maybe you'll like what we have for the next meal better.
What do you think about that?
I'm not sure how to react to that. I'll have to get back to you on it.
I'll let you know what will work for me.
I'll love you wherever you live.


pg 22-24, 67, 69

pg 28: Problems with immediate consequences!
We own the problem rather than handing it back to the child, doing more thinking that the child.
We are forced to react while we and the child are upset.
We often end up making threats we can't back up.
Everyday we live in fear that our kid will do something that we won't know how to handle with an immediate consequence.

pg 31: Empathy opens the heart and mind to learning. Empathy allows kids to learn from the consequences of their actions.

pg 34: our attempts to save children from the consequences of their mistakes have a great deal to do with comforting ourselves, instead of solving the problem.

pg 39: Tips for becoming a Consultant Parent:
*Provide suggestions instead of lecturing or rescuing
*Allow your child to do more thinking that you
*Let empathy and logical consequences do the teaching
*Take good care of yourself in a nurturing way

raise kids with the greatest character

pg 64: A perfect image and perfect school transcript are poor substitutes for character and the attitude that achievement comes through struggle and perseverance.

pg 65:
I love you/ya too much to argue.
I'll listen when your voice is calm like mine
I know
What did i say?
How sad
Thanks for sharing
That's an option

[Jacob · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although they claim otherwise, I get the feeling this book is mainly for parents who a) have older kids (8-18) and b) have fallen into an established pattern of misbehavior and ineffective discipline. Although I don't fall into either of those categories (yet), it's useful to have ideas for what to do when I reach that kind of point later. So I would recommend this book for anyone so you can fill in some gaps in your parenting skills and because this is an introduction (only 80 pages), so it's not a big sacrifice to read.

While I've been lucky enough to learn most of the principles in here already, there were still some things I learned. Despite how useful it is and how I think most parents should read it, I gave it only three stars because:

1) The old guy writing this is still stuck in the 80's. No one should say "bummer" anymore.
2) The advice, as I said, is more targeted for older kids on whom delayed discipline will work much better. With little kids (1-5 especially), you do need to be more of a "helicopter" and "drill sergeant" and make sure your discipline is more immediate, or the next time they consider doing something wrong they'll only remember that nothing bad happened the last time they did it. However, the book doesn't offer this caveat (and it should).

[Kevin Bradley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really appreciate the focus on empathy, avoiding anger and arguing, and helping our kids learn responsibility through natural consequences. However, I gave the book only three stars because it seems to me like for all of its value it does not present a strategy for heart change, but it basically teaches behaviorism. So, it seems a bit manipulative and simplistic to deal with issues that cannot be addressed without a change of heart in the child or teen. Still, the book is a useful tool to have.

[Haylee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since this is an "introduction" to Love and Logic, it is a very short book, perfect in my opinion. Sometimes I have a hard time getting through the long parenting books 'cause they never seem to get to the meat of their methods. This book gets to the point and gives some very common sense, easy-enough-to-give-it-a-try guidelines to becoming a better parent with better-behaved children.

[Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

Deceptively simple; actually very profound.