My Secret Sister

by Helen Edwards, Jenny Lee Smith

Helen grew up in a pit village in Tyneside in the post-war years, with her gran, aunties and uncles living nearby. She felt safe with them, but they could not protect her from her neglectful mother and violent father. Behind closed doors, she suffered years of abuse. Sometimes she talked to an imaginary sister, the only one who understood her pain.
Jenny was adopted at six weeks and grew up in Newcastle. An only child, she knew she was loved, and with the support of her parents she went on to become a golfing champion, but still she felt that something was missing. . .
Neither woman knew of the other's existence until, in her fifties, Jenny went looking for her birth family and found her sister Helen. Together they searched for the truth about Jenny's birth - and uncovered a legacy of secrets that overturned everything Helen thought she knew about her family. Happily, they also discovered that they were not just sisters, they were twins. Inspirational and moving, this is the story of two women brave enough to confront their past, and strong enough to let love, not bitterness, define them.

Genres: Nonfiction, Book Club, Memoir, Biography, Biography Memoir, Autobiography, Family

464 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

Reviews

[Trina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my. I'm a fraternal twin, so this story had appeal from the beginning. It was hard start, because the abuse is so heinous, so many times I wanted to jump into the pages and wring the necks of Helen's parents. But it was a bit like watching A Beautiful Life-- a difficult subject, but compelling and so worth trudging through. This is a remarkable story, and I feel very close to these women, as their parallels remind me of my own parallels with my sister. The last few chapters you cannot put the book down, as the discoveries are being made. That's all I'll say. Do read it, and stick with it, like Helen and Jenny do.

[DeB · Rating 4 out of 5]

“This is quite good,” said the friend of a friend who handed me her copy of Secret Sister to read. I wasn’t sure of it, read 90% of it with a great deal of discomfort and still wasn’t sure of it - and THEN! - I was so satisfied that I had waded through all of the tremendous detail written about these women’s simultaneous lives.

Secret Sisters is a human story, an examination of persistence under great difficulty, of children living in the lives of parents who were poorly equipped, of abandonment and neglect, adoption and flourishing while feeling alone - and finding identity in unlikely places. There is anger, hope and maturity in acceptance of what a best outcome might look like - which doesn’t necessarily include happy reunions or forgiveness but enough good stuff to make sense of life.

An odd wee British gem, and yes, I’d agree, “This is quite good.”

[DubaiReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

A tale of two sisters.

This was a fascinating story about two sisters, one who remained with her mother and one who was adopted out. Neither knew of the other's existence for many decades and they had very different upbringings.

Unfortunately,I found the first half rather slow and not particularly well written. Other members of my book group also considered the narrative a bit stilted - this happened, than that happened, then something else. It was written by a ghost writer and in my opinion it would have been better written by the protagonists, giving a different feel to each sister's story. It would then have been easier to remember who was narrating. This part was also rather a misery memoir in places.

The second half, when the sisters traced each other and the unbelievable web of lies and intrigue began to be unraveled, was much more interesting. I was really impressed by their determination and what they managed to discover. This section lifted a three star read to nearer four stars.

What fascinated me about this book was that it was a true story, with a happy ending. A bit slow to begin with but worth persevering.

[Janet · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well I hate to be the rain on everyone's five star parade here but come on, this book was horribly written. I might be willing to chalk it up to two non-writers who wanted to tell their stories but they hired a stinking (emphasis on stinking) ghost writer for crying out loud. The voices in the novel were flat, and Helen came off as weak and a martyr, while at times I felt that Jenny was a bit of a spoiled brat. I also felt there were some inconsistencies that left me wondering, such as Helen's account of only having one pair of underwear for what seemed like years combined with her off-handed mention that she took ballet classes.

I do sympathize with Helen and what she endured in her childhood at the hands of a narcissistic mother and a father with PTSD who was extremely violent, however I think the story could have been told a lot better.

[Penny · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very, very poorly ghostwritten, so much so that I found it difficult to read. Too bad, because this story had a lot of potential.

[Nikki Stafford · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have to admit, this is one of those books I read very quickly, just because I wanted to see what was going to happen to the sisters by the end of it.

However, my biggest disappointment of the book is that some marketing wizard at Pan Macmillan thought it would be brilliant to put a major spoiler right on the cover. Despite what the cover looks like above, on my copy it said, "Twin sisters, separated at birth." Uh... that's a revelation that happens four pages from the end! (And if you happened to look at the photos in the centre of the book, it's all given away there, too.) The stories of the two sisters' lives were harrowing and maddening, and my heart went out to young Helen, although older Helen seemed to rush back into the arms of the very people who'd terribly abused her as a child, which was baffling. And while the story itself was intriguing, the writing isn't. Stilted, flat, and boring, it's written like it was a school project, and not written by a professional writer. I understand how difficult it is to try to capture the voices of people when you're a ghostwriter, but the writing (and, to be honest, editing) needed a lot of work. An interesting story, but reads a little amateurish. And honestly, someone fire the person in charge of covers, please.

[Angie Rhodes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have now finished this, book(after pausing,while reading a review book) It was the most harrowing, book,I have read in a long time,, How Helen came through what she did,amazed me, Jenny,was lucky, as her parents cared,, It was a well written story,that made me cry, and want to string Helens parents up!

[Lynn Wyvill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am exhausted. Jenny's story is happy. Helen's story is violent and sad. I was offended as a human being that a child could be subjected to such open hate and control. Helen's courage is admirable. The sharp contrast between the sisters' lives is told graphically, alternating chapters between each voice. This effectively mirrors the different worlds in which they each live. I feel deep respect for the resilience of the human spirit that can bear so much and still come together as a decent and loving being.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Whilst the story was intriguing and Helen's childhood harrowing, I found the recount narrative style a little dull. it plodded in parts. Maybe because it is because I like creative fiction more than true life. It is very reminiscent of my Mother's upbringing and all the twists and turns of her own mother's life. Now that would be an epic story but she is one to let sleeping dogs lie and just love the family she produced. And she does. The moral being: all's you need is love.

[Krista · Rating 2 out of 5]

I should preface this review with the fact that I am a cynical jerk.

I didn't really enjoy this book, it came much recommended by family, but I found myself really not enjoying it. The early chapters of Helen's life were very repetitive, and everything was all her fault, over and over and over again. The writing was not good, and the little bits of "foreshadowing" made me want to chuck the book across the room.

[Emmkay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting story told in largely alternating chapters by two sisters born in postwar northern England, who grew up knowing nothing of each other. One girl was raised by their mother in a very abusive home, while the other was adopted into a more supportive home. Only in midlife did they find each other and begin to piece together family secrets. The (ghost)writing was bland and overlong, and some of the cultural assumptions questionable (such as the statement that the fact that it appears their mother had children by a number of different fathers ‘said a lot about [the mother], of course’, and some of the descriptions of the mother ‘goading’ the physically abusive husband who beat her. However, the underlying themes and narrative did keep me reading.

[Sarah Lantry · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quite an interesting true story, but poorly written and very drawn out. I would not have bothered beyond the first 30-50 pages, but it is a book club read so I felt I ought to complete it for that reason alone. I'm a bit annoyed with myself for bothering, to be honest. The front cover pretty much summarizes the entire story.

The writing is flat, the characters are poorly portrayed. I felt sympathy for Helen's situation initially, but then I just became irritated by her. She certainly inherited her mother's tendencies towards martyrdom, and a symptom of being a martyr is exaggeration, so I feel I find some of her side of the story has been weakened due to this aspect of her character portrayal. While on the one hand there is no doubt that her home life was abusive, and the beatings excessively brutal, on the other hand some of her complaints seemed on the whiney side. Little allowance is given in the telling of this story for the time and place and culture they were living in. For example, as a young woman who was living at home and working full time, it was not unusual in working class families in those days, to be expected to hand over her pay packet every week and receive a sum for pocket money from it. This was not abuse, it was common enough practice in families in those days. Likewise with the expectation for chores to be done around the house before homework. It was the norm in that time. It is deemed abusive nowadays, but I would not say it was abusive in those days. Writing chunks about this just served to weaken her story and made me wonder if the more serious claims of abuse were really as bad as they are portrayed to be.
Then there is Jenny who is written as Helen's opposite in her childhood experiences. Happy, supported by loving parents, encouraged in all that she did, all of this is lovely but again written in a very flat manner. Some of Jenny's choices made my mind boggle, especially regarding her relationship with her mother and her cousin Wendy. If Jenny and her mother were so close, and her mother worked multiple jobs and long hours to support Jenny through her training to become a pro golfer, why then would Jenny have chosen to tell her cousin but not her
Mother of her intention to get married? Her mother showed such belief in all Jenny did, it seems reasonable to think she would have respected Jenny's wish to keep the wedding low key and small had she been told about it beforehand. This is just an example of how the story doesn't quite sit right, or gel. There are missing pieces, and obviously Jenny's relationship with her adopted mother was not as close as they tried to portray it to be. I think the ghost author strove too hard to achieve opposites in the portrayal of their stories, that it weakened the characters and made the story less believable than it would have been if it had been written better and in a more balanced way.

I'm glad to be done with this book. On to the next, and hopefully more gripping read....

[Dezell · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an interesting story, but rather tedious to read. I liked the first person account from each sister. I did find the details got muddy along the way. And maybe I'm wrong, but there is an error in the way it was determined that the authors were twins. There would be no closer DNA link between fraternal twins than there would be between full siblings born at different times. It is more of a stretch to believe that the girls were twins whose birth certificates had been manipulated, than to believe they were born at different times and that Helen was just a little large for her age. If anything, this whole book made me mad. Mad, obviously, because of the abuse Helen suffered at the hands of both of her parents. But even madder that she kept allowing them to come back in and dominate her life. She even ran to her father's side when he had his heart attack and allowed her mother to move in and take over her children and home. I mean, come on! He beat the snot out of her, fractured her spine, threw her down the stairs, enslaved her, took her earnings, controlled her every move, and psychologically and physically abused her her whole life! Her narcissistic mother let it all happen and gleefully exacerbated the strife between them. She neglected Helen and practically left her to die when she had three serious illnesses in a row as a small child. Blech!

[Janet Grantham · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rather flat stories, Helen's story didn't seem very well executed by ghost writer. No insight into the times, cycles of violence or the emerging roles of women in that era. You have a stepfather who likely has PTSD. The mother who was a victim of domestic violence. Helen the battered child who wore the same under wear for what, years? The Helen who took ballet, the Helen who's Mom brushed her hair and the pretty, nicely dressed Helen we see in photographs seems at odd with the abusive atmosphere in her home, but it isn't. Children of battered women are frequently turned against their own mother. The abuser convinces the children that the woman provoked them. Justifying the abuse and discrediting the victim is another means of controlling the victim. Note Helen's frequent reference to her mother's smirk. Imagine being that battered woman. Your husband beats you, your children think you deserve it. What sort of relationship can you have while a child that is complicit in your abuse? And the cycle? Father abuses mother, conditions step daughter to legitimize the abuse, mother abuses daughter. Up until the 1970's in Canada, corporal punishment of children was accepted. The strap was administered in school. Parents could spank, slap and beat their children. Those were cruel times, but the times before that were far more cruel. It was a time of homes for unwed mothers and homes for disobedient children and the church still played a significant role in the lives of most people. Helen's story could have been so much more, for she had a story that deserved to be told much better than it was.

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

A true story of twin sisters separated at birth, one raised by abusive, manipulative parents, the other by loving adoptive parents. They live decades apart before learning of each other's existence and finally connecting.

Unfortunately, the power of the story isn't fully realized in the hands of the ghost writer. The premise of the story -- the sisters' eventual discovery of each other's existence and reunion -- Is established only in the latter third of the book. What precedes it is a chapter-by-chapter accounting of each sister's life from birth; the arc of the survival/connection story becomes lost in this structure. Moreover, the writing style is pedestrian; a gritty survival story demands a much stronger and distinctive style.

I wish that the story of Helen and Jenny had been afforded the narrative power of The Glass Castle (Jeannette Walls), but I admire them for publicly sharing their journey.

[Gillian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read it in 2 days...could not put it down

[Angmdc · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really interesting, true story. At times hard to read, the abuse disturbing, while the other sister is so loved. Overall great book.

[Smitha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reviewing memoirs are always difficult for me. These are true life stories that the authors have been brave enough to talk about. And some of them incredibly moving, like this one was. How can one possibly do justice in reviewing them?

I found this while aimlessly searching the Kindle store. The blurb caught my interest,

Helen grew up in a pit village in Tyneside in the post-war years, with her gran, aunties and uncles living nearby. She felt safe with them, but they could not protect her from her neglectful mother and violent father. Behind closed doors, she suffered years of abuse. Sometimes she talked to an imaginary sister, the only one who understood her pain. Jenny was adopted at six weeks and grew up in Newcastle. An only child, she knew she was loved, and with the support of her parents she went on to become a golfing champion, but still she felt that something was missing. . . Neither woman knew of the other's existence until, in her fifties, Jenny went looking for her birth family and found her sister Helen. Together they searched for the truth about Jenny's birth - and uncovered a legacy of secrets that overturned everything Helen thought she knew about her family. Happily, they also discovered that they were not just sisters, they were twins. Inspirational and moving, this is the story of two women brave enough to confront their past, and strong enough to let love not bitterness define them.
Helen's childhood was especially shocking and heart-breaking to read. It is unimaginable that parents can be so cruel, so heartless. Although she did have her grandma and aunts around, and being with them, did make her feel safe, they didn't do much to protect her from her parents. After all that she went through, it came as a welcome relief to us, the readers for her to discover that she had a secret sister, actually, a twin in Jenny Lucas. Along with the happy news, she also realizes that she had been lied to, by most of her own family.

Jenny Lucas had a nicer childhood. She had been adopted by her parents and had a comfortable, normal childhood. She went on to become a professional golfer. Through the women's childhoods, there had been times their paths almost crossed, but at that time neither of them knew of the existence of each other. Both of them had felt that there was something missing while they were growing up, but little did they think, it would be a sister!

Years later, when they discover each other, one can only be happy for the two of them. Especially Helen who had such a tough time growing up. There still are unanswered questions, some more revelations that shock them, but for the two women, it is a happy ending.

For me it was such a positive story. Helen, despite everything she went through, still managed to survive and stay positive and happy. Of course, their mother who chose to give away one twin, keep the other, and then ill-treat her so badly, is someone who I would never be able to understand in a million years. People like these, who can be cruel to helpless children, should .. I don't know, are just the worst kind of monsters, in my opinion. It is sad that she managed to get away with it.

It is not an easy read, it is painful to read about Helen's childhood, and yet there is so much positivity as they grow up. While not an easy read, it is a gripping read.

[Todd · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some books you never want to end. Then there are books you can't wait to end. For me, this book is solidly in the latter camp. The sole reason I finished it was to get all the details behind what happened to the two authors. I can certainly appreciate this is a feel good story (eventually and the only reason I give it 3 stars) but I found it poorly written and awkward to read in many places. I also found my sympathy with Helen shifting; she had my full sympathy when she was a child and unable to defend herself but as she hit her late teens and early twenties she became less a victim and far more an enabler of the actions conducted by her horrendous patents.
Readers should be forewarned too - the early chapters of Helen's life are extremely difficult to read. More than once I wanted to put the book down for good but was persuaded by a friend to keep reading to see how it all worked out.

[Joy Carruthers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh my goodness! This story was amazing! It was very hard to read at times but so redemptive! I recommend it:)

[Caroline Beaudoin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well written! Kept me wanting to go on! The author put just enough information to keep you interested!

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I quite enjoyed this double memoir, written by twin sisters separated at birth, one staying with the birth mother, and one being adopted. Post WWII in northeast England, so even the setting was quite interesting to me. One sister was abused as a child, neglected, unloved, and one grew up loved and secure. How the adoption was covered up is amazing, and the birth mother is really a piece of work. How the sisters discover each other and build a relationship is just lovely.

[Robin Rashcovsky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unbelievable deceit of one woman and how her family covered up the truth

[Danalee Krzuk · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read a few of the reviews while partway through this book, and I have to say, I understand where some of the people were coming from, but I didn’t think this book was that bad.
I enjoyed the back and forth between the separate lives the girls had. Some reviews said they sounded cold, but how do you explain events that you lived, in a way everyone would understand them?
These women had two completely different lives, and yet, always knew something was missing.
My heart hurt so much for Helen’s childhood experiences, and I thoroughly disliked most of her family - who does that to kids?!
I enjoyed the book, it was a quick read and though the cover spoils a bit of the story, it’s still a good read.

[Gail Amendt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I probably would never have picked this book up normally, but I found myself unexpectedly waiting for several hours for my car to get fixed, so I walked to the nearest store and bought a book to alleviate the boredom. It turned out to be a pretty good read. It tells the story of a set of twins who were separated at birth, one being kept by the biological mother, and one being given up for adoption. Alternating chapters tell of their childhoods, with the adopted sister living a good life with loving parents, and eventually becoming a successful professional golfer. The other sister was psychologically and physically abused by her mother and step father, and it is a wonder that she became the well adjusted, successful adult that she is today. The early chapters about the abuse were pretty hard to read as the abuse was quite horrific. The parents were obviously suffering from some psychological disorders, with the step father likely having PTSD as a result of his time as a prisoner of war. The mother was a little harder to figure out. The book became very interesting as the sisters found each other in adulthood and began to piece together the story of their birth and their family's long history of secrets and lies. The writing in this book is quite amateurish. The sisters used a ghost writer, and I don't feel she was the best choice, but the story was still quite readable and held my attention. I did find it somewhat strange that we are told on the front cover that they are twins, but that is a fact that the sisters did not actually discover until the very end of the book as one of them had an altered birth certificate. I assume this spoiler was used to sell books, as the story would have been just another run of the mill adoption story had the sisters not been twins. Anyway, this is a story with five star potential and three star writing, so I will give it four stars, but I think that is being a bit generous.

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this book took me for an emotional ride! What a life these girls had, especially the sister with the rough upbringing. I cried during so many parts. I know their story is going to stick with me for a long time, I really felt for them. This is one of those that's almost hard to believe really happened!

[Stephanie Ng · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this ❤️

[LibraryCin · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 stars

Helen and Jenny were sisters, but neither knew the other existed until they were well into adulthood. Jenny had been adopted out to a loving couple; she grew up with plenty of advantages and became a professional golfer. Helen was left behind in an abusive home, with a(n) (physically) abusive father and a neglectful mother. She had an older brother, but he managed to get away from the family and the home while Helen was still quite young.

This book tells of both Jenny and Helen’s lives from when they were children up to and a bit after they finally met when in their late 50s. The chapters alternate between them each telling their own stories. Have to admit that Jenny’s life was kind of boring (I’m also not a fan of golf!), but poor Helen. It was her sad story that kept me most interested. They grew up not far from each other, so there were some interesting coincidences when they may have even crossed paths when younger.

I kept waiting for them to find out about being twins (it’s mentioned right on the front cover). It was pretty much the very end of the book when this was “revealed”, so it might have helped with expectations to not have that full front on the cover. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting for them to find out.

[Jennifer G · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a true story about two sisters who grew up without knowing of each other's existence. One twin was given up for adoption, and lived a happy, loving life with her adoptive parents. The other was kept by her mother, and grew up emotionally and physically abused, with parents who resented her. Helen's story is so brutal and sad. It is a wonder that she grew up to be such a wonderful, loving person. The abuse from her parents continued throughout her life, even once she was an adult and had her own children. It was heart-breaking to see how she couldn't turn away from her parents and continued to seek their love and acceptance for her whole life.

I don't want to give away any of the story, but throughout the book it becomes clear that many, many family members play a part in keeping the sisters in the dark about their family. Knowing that this is a true story just makes it even more terrible.

[Sarah Butland · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by two woman who only discovered they were sisters late in life, this true story took me through heartbreaking moments of family abuse and fury mixed with a beautiful life we should all be lucky enough to have.

Secrets were kept under lock and key until in one moment of frustration the string was pulled and Jenny, the co-author, started pulling slightly and then finally tugging to unearth a history you need to read or live through to believe.

Truth is stranger than fiction and the story of this family proves it.

A tragic yet beautiful tale, I couldn't give it the full 5 stars as it confused me in many ways (as is natural) but due to the time frame and switching of authors I found it hard to keep up and often had to go back to determine who was speaking and guess at their age/current year.