The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone

by M.P. Johnson

What’s a farm boy to do when his pet pig becomes an evil, decaying hunk of ham with slime-spewing psychic powers?

After Daryl Malone absconds to Green Bay with the remains of his pet, Pork Knuckles, strange things start to happen. Why is everyone around him so hungry for ham? And why is green ooze pouring from their orifices? When he finds the answer to these questions, he’s forced to choose between his best buddy and a family that has only existed on the periphery of his life. That choice will send him and the ones he loves barreling nonstop through a labyrinth of cannibal hippies, Nazi flies, rabid drag queens, brawling grizzlies and punk rock muck fests.

Genres: Bizarro Fiction, Horror, Ebooks

94 pages, Paperback

First published February 15, 2013

Reviews

[Danger · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m pretty sure this book just raped me.

Okay, okay – maybe it wasn’t rape rape, but I do still feel violated in some weird way, and I think it’s because The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone is one mindfuck of a tale. Yes, this book seduced me right from page one. And I was naïve. I let it sweet talk me. I let it lay its alien eggs in my virginal brainfolds and I let it pollute the movie screens behind my eyes with the most deliriously bizarre images they’ve ever had the pleasure of beholding. I let this book into the house of my head and I let it leave me there, bleeding out, on the kitchen floor.

A quick summation of the last paragraph for the metaphorically-impaired:

What. The. Fuck. Did. I. Just. Read!?

So in this book we follow Daryl, a 12-year-old dingus whose best friend is a pig named Pork Knuckles Malone. Heh – doesn’t Pork Knuckles Malone sound like the name of a Dick Tracy villain or something? Anyway, Pork Knuckles IS NOT a 30s-style gangster heading up a cabal of oddly-named criminals like Cow Tits Mahoney, Alpaca Balls Nelson or Jaleel White. No, Pork Knuckles Malone is just a regular ol’ pig. Well, he’s was just regular ol' pig, until the day Daryl fails at protecting him from his Pa’s gilded blade. Pork Knuckles is slaughtered by Daryl’s old man and reduced to nothing more than a honey glazed ham. Daryl then steals the ham away and they go on a journey to Green Bay where the boy attempts to atone for the sin of letting his porcine pal perish.

Oh, and just so you know, that last little bit of plot I shared with you wasn’t a spoiler. That shit happens in the first couple of pages of the book. And, ya know, from that little description alone, that’s where I would’ve thought this book was headed: a story of redemption. Of love and letting go. I’m such a pussy. Ha ha. I was thinking, what else could possibly happen here?

Well...

That’s about the time this motherfucker starts to get weird. And when I say weird, I mean W-E-I-R-D. At some point in the middle, this book abruptly shifts gears. This isn’t a story about friendship. This is a story about revenge!

Disgusting, vile, filthy REVENGE!

Dude! There was a scene towards the halfway point that involved Daryl’s aunt and uncle and a vomitous profusion of green foamy pus – the imagery was so vivid I had to put the book down for a minute. I almost threw up. I’ve never read a book that made me want to throw up before, so...um...kudos to you, Johnson?

Anyway, whether gross-out visuals are a selling point or a deterrent for you, this book pinballs around so quickly that it’s just one of a series of bizarro set pieces, each more fantastical than the last. Add to that a slew of fucked-up side characters: a wannabe serial killer, a mutant drag queen, a rather pissed-off bear and a couple of skevy and possibly incestuous punk rockers, and you have one of the most original and entertaining tales I’ve read all year. Yes, I always admire authors who “go there”. Who take their stories to places bigger than I could’ve imagined. And MP Johnson does exactly that with this slim novella.

This is well worth your money and time.

[Arthur Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Boy meets pig, boy loses pig, boy takes honey-glazed remains of pig on a journey from Green Bay to the Milky Way and back again. A tale as old as time itself, but never before has it been told with such warmth, wit, and poetic porcine justice. Definitely a worthy contender for Best Bizarro Novel of 2013, even if it could be more accurately classified as a novella/novelette.

There were some formatting issues in the Kindle version I downloaded, but this was a quick, enjoyable read, full of great characters and dialogue, unexpected plot twists, and (natch) lots of hammy humor. Highly recommended.

[Shamus McCarty · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I’m sitting there flipping through my kindle and I stumble across this gem and I was like, “Oh ya! I got this book!” I was kind of excited actually.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but this was not it. It’s definitely bizarro, but it goes on a serious horror bend almost from the beginning. Which was cool, just unexpected from the cover. I think I was expecting a bizarro “Charlotte’s Web” or something.

So anyways, I’m reading this really strange adventure/horror story and all of the sudden BAM!!! M.P. hits me with a serious Sci-Fi / Theological twist. And that, was AWESOME! Mostly because I’m a sucker for anything theological, ideas of what “God” is / isn’t… I love that stuff man, can’t get enough of it.

Recommended for dudes who get bacon on their pizza.

[Kirk · Rating 4 out of 5]

One could say that Pork Knuckles Malone is a coming of age tale about madness, the challenges of growing up in an economically impoverished family, and friendship that transcends death.

But fuck all that shit. What this book is really about is a sentient ham roast, rabid transvestites with wads of baby fists squirming around on their nether regions, and a nazi fly hell bent on taking over the human race.

In this book the narrative is infused with the perfect amount of non-sequitur. WTF moments don't detract from the plot, and you're given enough to keep you moving forward to find out what crazy shit is going to happen next.

This book is peppered with some awesome similes. Two of my favorites help illustrate the range of function in reference to the similes:

1. "White oozed out of the wound like diarrhea after a paste feast" is laugh out loud funny. Who the fuck eats so much paste that they have white diarrhea? Who would even think of such a thing? I can't unsee the images this book put in my head, and that makes me happy.

2. "Pineapple rings clung to his honeyed hide like tropical leeches" splices the beautiful and the grotesque. This book reminded me that the grotesque can still be aesthetically pleasing in the same way that CMIII's early work like Steel Breakfast Era does.

The pagination in the kindle version is a bit off if you read it on a device other than a kindle, but it is such a minor concern, especially since the book has such a low price.

Overall this is an imaginative tale with moments of stylistic grace. Check it out.

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This novella is totally kick ass, and you should definitely buy it! Being a shorter novel and all, it's kinda hard to comment too much on the storyline without giving too much away. But suffice it to say this piece is replete with an evil undead pig, Dr. Moreau-esque rabies infected drag queens, nose-pliering stoner vegans, a weird meat masturbation cult, some truly twisted punk rock drug dealing siblings, and a battle royale. And that's STILL leaving out the Hitler man-bear-fly, the pig-god alien invaders, and the "Charlotte's Web" type butcher scene. If you like your books served extra weird with a slice of strange, topped with a dash of absolute insanity, you MUST consume this gem of a book immediately! It reads fast and, like most Bizarro books, surprises you with plot twists and stranger characters with each turn of the page (or tap of the Kindle, whatevs). Plus, IT'S FREE!!! Like, seriously...why haven't you clicked "buy now" yet? Quit reading reviews, and get ta clicking! Or else, "I'm gonna bust you in the teeth!" (You'll get it once you read the book...wait- whaddaya mean you're STILL reading reviews and haven't bought it yet??? Buy it already!!!)

[Lori · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read 6/24/14 - 6/25/14
2 Stars - Recommended Lightly - to fans of extreme bizarro literature, cause this one is fucked up in some weird ass ways. Not recommended as an entry novel to the genre.
Pages: 94
Publisher: Bizarro Pulp Press
Released: 2013


I've read my share of strange shit over the years.

I mean, being a fan of bizarro literature, that kinda comes with the territory, you know? After a while though, you get to picking and choosing books and publishers that are a perfect fit for your specific tastes, because lord knows there's a wide variety of subgenres under the Bizarro umbrella, and if you're not careful, you may end up reading some shit that'll have you throwing up a little (or a lot) in your mouth. It's like the equivalent of accidentally purchasing a death metal CD when what you were looking for was a soothing rock ballad. Sure, the howlish grunts of death metal music tortures your ears, but that's nothing compared the pain and suffering the freakish words of hard-core bizarro will inflict upon your brain. Permanent scarring. I kid you not. You will never be able to unsee the images those words painted behind your eyes. Not ever.

Even still, as careful as I am, I sometimes find myself reading a book that starts off pretty ok, and little by little pulls back the thin veil of normalcy it had hid behind, the wicked smile on its face growing brighter and brighter as it shows you more and more of its seriously fucked up shit, but sloooowly, so as not to scare you off. Cause, that way, it knows you'll be like:

"Huh. A story about a boy and his beloved pet pig. That sounds cute. And when it gets slaughtered it possesses its honey glazed ham parts and causes the people around it to become ham-hungry zombies? I think I can get into that."

And then:

"Weird, that van driver's nose leaked some green gooey shit when he picked up the boy and his hammy BFF. Oh hell, I'm already waist deep in the shit, I might as well just keep on wading through, how bad could it get"...

And then:

"Uh. The kid's aunt and uncle dress the meat up with pineapple ring eyes and deer antler ears? And start singing thrash metal songs with ' ham ' as lyrics before they start puking green shit on each other? And the haunted pig meat is sending subliminal memories straight to the kid's head? Aw hell, up to my chest in it now and it's really not that bad, I mean, I can handle this, as long as it doesn't get any weirder"...

... and then, with a sudden whoosh, the weirdness plunges you completely under, your eyes stinging with the rush of it, mouth and nose sucking it all in and bubbling it all back out as you silently scream at its betrayal:

"Damn you book! Your description didn't say jack shit about an oozing honey glazed ham meat mask. Or meat tenderizers tied to guys' dicks? And a drag queen with WHAT in her crotch???? What the fuck IS this shit?!?!

In The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone, MP Johnson covers so much ground so fast, that at times I felt like I was suffering from literary whiplash. I hung in there for awhile, open and receptive to some of the stranger shit that was he laying down, willing to forgive some of the more gross and disgusting parts, but the final third of the book just completely lost me. Chapters 17 through 22 felt like a totally different book. I guess I just saw other directions he could have taken the story, and was bummed that he had chosen to take it in the direction he did.

Ah well. And with such a pretty, tame cover to boot. MP, you sure did a good job hiding your crazy up front. Here's to hoping you haven't ruined ham for me....


Haaaammmmmm...
*licks chops*

Do you smell it too?

[Pedro Proença · Rating 5 out of 5]

Daryl Malone is a young boy who loves his pet pig, Pork Knuckles. Right in the beginning, Pork Knucles die by the hands of Daryl's Pa. Daryl is left distraught, and runs away saddened by the sight of his Pa butchering his beloved pet.

That's when things start to get weird.

The spirit of Pork Knuckles is not pleased. All he wants is some after-life revenge, and of the gross kind.

I got to tell you all, the puke scene was GRAPHIC. Not in a "yeah, that's heavy stuff, man". More like a "Oh my God, I can feel the slimy green ooze sliding down my face as I read this". Johnson does a great job in making us all uncomfortable. Congratulations to him.

The "sci-fi" partt at the end was pure genious. Sensational stuff.

Buy this book. You'll laugh, you'll be disturbed, you'll be entertained.

[Sean Leonard · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s no secret that I have found myself fascinated by the releases that Bizarro Pulp Press has been dishing out over the past year or so. Not only are they bringing around new authors I haven’t read before, but every book hits me with something completely different. From serial killers to art criticism fairy tales to reality-bending and time detectives, every story hits you in a different way. The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone (from here forward to be referred to as simply Pork Knuckles Malone) is no different.

This is author M. P. Johnson’s first book. Previous to this, he has been very busy. He’s had bizarro/horror short stories in a variety of both print and online publications. He has appeared in a couple independent horror movies (Health Freaks and Doomed to Consume). He has been a writer and music reviewer for Razorcake magazine for many years. He even co-wrote lyrics to the song “…And Toxic Justice For All” by Minnesota punk/thrash band In Defence (one of my favorites!). And now, with Pork Knuckles Malone, he gives us the story of a young boy and his pet pig.

Actually, this book starts at the very end of the story of a young boy and his pet pig. It starts right about the time when Daryl’s pa slaughters his son’s pet pig, named Pork Knuckles, and turns him into ham. Daryl is devastated, much as a twelve year old boy would be when his favorite pet dies. But rather than grieve like a normal human being, he instead steals the ham, puts it in his backpack, and runs away from home. He decides that he will go to his aunt and uncle’s place in Green Bay, Wisconsin and stay there, taking his pa at his word all the times he’s said that he doesn’t have time to run all over tarnation looking for him. This is where things start to get a little weird.

The adventure begins when Daryl decides to hitchhike rather than risk being run off the road on his bike. Lucky (or unlucky) for him, a van pulls over and picks him up. The driver, Gus, is a hippie vegetarian, but as soon as he picks up the boy he begins craving a ham sandwich and singing old rock songs with the word “ham” substituted in place of others. He drives him to Green Bay and they part ways, Daryl looking for his aunt and uncle, Gus looking for a deli that serves the best ham sandwiches. And then things start to get a little bit weirder.

At the same time, Daryl’s dad begins to get worried. He knew his son had left, he heard him leave but figured he’d let him blow off a little steam. When he goes looking for him, he finds a crudely made image of his son in a little hut Daryl had made for his pet, eerily reminiscent of the pig’s head on a stake that Simon finds in Lord of the Flies, except the name “Darril” is mis-spelled on the wall near it, written in pig poop. Pa realizes something is going wrong and adventures out to find his son. And then things just go all out bat-poop, or more appropriately, pig-poop crazy.

M. P. Johnson’s book reminds me of a movie like Brain Melt in the way that it’s not so much about how it ends (although in both that movie and this book, the ending is pretty awesome), but more about what happens on the way. The characters we meet on our journey with the boy and his ham are equally memorable and insane. There’s a weird cult of praying mantis-masked weirdos in the meat cooler, a busload of drugged-up, blood-thirsty drag queens, and a underground battle royal going on in the basement of a local bar. There’s Uncle Shard’s punk band, a Hitler-loving fly who reincarnates into something much more fearsome, oh and did I mention the mind-controlling dead pig in the form of a ham that sends green ooze out of those it comes in contact with? Splatterpunk indeed.

Pork Knuckles Malone is written in a very crisp, clear language, getting straight to the point of the story but with language that paints a vivid picture. The characters are great, and the end is something out of left field that could easily make the reader laugh and say “huh?” all at the same time. It is both laugh out loud funny and disgustingly sick, while all the while actually telling a somewhat heart-warming story about a sad boy who misses his best friend and the father who he thinks is too callous to care that he is gone. It is very short, weighing in at just ninety-one pages, so can be consumed in one gore-filled sitting. If you like your horror with a heaping of bizarre, and don’t plan on eating pork in the next few days, The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone is ready when you are.

[Ross Lockhart · Rating 4 out of 5]

A strange mutant hybrid of Charlotte's Web, The Evil Dead, and Pricilla, Queen of the Desert, The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone may not turn you vegan, but it might make you decide to keep kosher. Author MP Johnson has created a wild ride that varies in tone from a heartwarming tale of a boy and his pig to gore-soaked Grand Guignol to punk rock vomitorium to Kirby-esque cosmic comic without missing a beat or ever slowing down. Fans of bizarro storytelling looking for something unique will get a kick out of Pork Knuckles Malone; more squeamish readers should probably stay clear: this pig's a gusher.

[Lance · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am always a little reluctant to review another author’s book. If I don’t like the book, I cannot give it a good review. But still, I don’t want to shit on somebody else’s brain baby. Despite my reservations in this regard, I sometimes agree to review other authors’ books. I am glad that I did so in this case. M.P. Johnson tells a weird little story about the malevolent porcine spirit of a previously beloved pet pig. It’s a story of love and vomit and unexplainable cravings for ham. Johnson packs a crazy-ass, funny tale into this short novella. Do I smell ham?

[Kyle Noble · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ham, bacon, pork chops, however you want to slice it, The After Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone is a journey from the small farm to the big city where Daryl’s childhood friendship will be pushed to the limits. Pork Knuckles Malone’s bare knuckled grizzly slut action is easily digested and will leave a taste in your mouth and the ever pressing question lingering in the air; how deep is your love for pork?

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ah, the heartwarming story of a boy and his pig. Who can't relate to this? Sure, not everyone has their dad slaughter the pig because the relationship is strange and unusual, only to have the pig not remain dead and seek a terrible vengeance, but authors have to go seeking fun somewhere. This was a pretty quick read for me, but it was fun.

[Melanie Catchpole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This little piggy seeks revenge!

[John Bruni · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing read. It's quick, and you can do it all in one sitting. It's the story of a boy and his pig, and what happens when his father decides to slaughter the pig. Young Daryl takes the butchered remains of his friend and runs away to Green Bay, to his punk rock aunt and uncle. When his father discovers the son is missing, he sets out on a very freaky road trip. Insanity ensues. And that description somehow doesn't do the book justice. What I really enjoyed about this is that the father isn't a one-note villain like one would expect from an abusive story. We get to see things from his perspective, and he really loves his son, but it's a tough love. I can't recommend this book enough.

[Seb · Rating 3 out of 5]

I finished The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone yesterday but needed some time to take it in. I've read numerous reviews on GR and I've come to the conclusion that my vision isn't the same as many.

This novella was one big melting pot. There is a lot of stuff crammed into a single story and I don't see the message Emma Alice want to transmit. It would have been better if it had been more structured.

There are a lot of themes that could be great in a story, but all of them mixed together just render a big mess.

Read in Bizarro Classicks

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

A boys pet pig is butchered for meat. He then takes the ham and runs away. Adventures ensue.

I never realized that there is a genre called bizarro. If this is an example of bizarro, then I am a fan. The story was crazy and weird. Also laugh out loud funny in parts. I loved it all, right up until the very end. I'm not sure I liked the ending. It was so out there and really just seemed like a random afterthought. I would definitely pick up more from this author and from this genre. It was super fun to read.

[Jeremy Fowler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some really fun but strange Bizarro Fiction! Check this out if you like murderous pigs!

[Vincenzo Bilof · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bacon’s everywhere. It’s in our sundaes, and it’s in our streets. So many people love bacon; it’s become a rallying cry for carnivores all over the world. MP Johnson gives you a ham-fisted gut-punch of bacon with a tale of a boy and his pig. A love story, a coming-of-age story, and the spiritual sequel to the Babe movies, The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone gives is hammy enough to be tasted more than once.

Speaking of tasting things more than once, Johnson isn’t afraid to vomit a new variation of the bizarre on nearly every page. It might seem like some of the strange occurrences are randomly inserted for shock value, but I found myself educated by the story’s content; apparently, even drag queens like ham. Like any writer worth his salt, Johnson knows what it means to a person’s childhood to think about PIGS…IN… SPACE! So there’s a taste of nostalgia with a sprinkle of the ridiculous on this particular bizarro-on-ham sandwich.

Suffice to say, the book is disgusting, hilarious, and absurd. Johnson isn’t afraid to suffocate all of the reader’s five senses with mystery and disgust. This story is bound to offend some readers because the gross-out level is difficult to swallow; the hilarity and the fun play on words and ideas kept me involved in the story. A very fun book to read; here’s the answer to pop-culture’s obsession with bacon. Johnson’s story is the antithesis of our culture’s love affair with consumption, and there’s something of a tribute to vegetarian sensibilities if you’re willing to look for a “higher idea” in the book’s pages. You’ll never think about ham the same way again!

[Meli · Rating 5 out of 5]

MP Johnson's debut bizarro book THE AFTER-LIFE STORY OF PORK KNUCKLES MALONE is about a boy, Daryl, and his pet pig Pork Knuckles. Daryl's dad grows concerned over his infatuation with the pig and puts poor PK on the chopping block making him into a nice ham. Thus begins Daryl's journey through all manner of chaos and crazies to escape the father who wronged him and his best friend Pork Knuckles the pig.

Even though this is a bizarro story with bat-shit crazy characters, insane twists in plot and viscera squirting from every damn orifice imaginable, this tale has heart. Obviously, since this is bizarro it goes without saying that this story is over the top, but it’s not a constant one-upping of gross-outs and camp to shock the reader; young Daryl is a good kid trying to do the right thing by his friend and I white-knuckled my Kindle until the very end hoping he would make it out in one piece, pig or no pig.

MP Johnson has an extensive background in non-fiction writing, his music obsession satisfied in reviews for his own personal zine and website http://freaktension.wordpress.com/ and the punk music magazine Razorcake. Johnson doesn’t abandon his non-fiction world of punks, freaks, misfits, social rejects, and psychos (and I use all those labels in the most complimentary way) but instead uses them to fill his fictional bizarro world, albeit through a distorted funhouse mirror, infusing his own unique voice in an often trudged genre keeping things fresh.

In short, two thumbs up! Full review will be posted on Dreadful Tales in the next couple weeks.

[a_reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometimes your best friend can become your worst enemy - at least that is what happened to Daryl and his bff pig Pork Knuckles "PK" on a farm near Green Bay, Wisconsin. After becoming concerned with Daryl’s attachment to PK, Daryl's father slaughters PK with a chainsaw right in front of him and eats him for dinner. Soon afterwards PK morphed into a diabolical rotten glazed ham named “Hamface” and later “Hamgawd”. The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone is not for those with delicate sensibilities. I have read some crazy stuff over the years but this book managed to take me out of my comfort zone a couple of times. Most parts were pure disgusting while others were creepy or made me think “what the fuck just happened?”. M.P. Johnson has to have a twisted mind to come up with something like this.

[Jeremy Maddux · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to admit, this book made me emotional. It begins with Daryl and his pet pig, the eponymous Pork Knuckles, who go everywhere together. They eat together, they sleep together. Daryl even makes costumes for PK, like a faux space suit for him to be the 'first pig in space.' Daryl and PK live a life full of imagination until Daryl's father becomes unnerved enough by the spectacle as to kill him. Somehow, Pork Knuckles becomes reanimated after becoming ham and breaks my heart when he finally confronts Daryl, saying, "I was your only friend. How could you have let him do that to me?" It's tough to read, folks. But I still swear by this one as one of MP Johnson's best.

[Emily Dillon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have received this book from a first reads giveaway, though let me start out this book isn't for the faint of heart! This is an amazing book if you're into this crazy horror kind of drama. If you are not leave this page now i repeat leave now. This book is amazing drag queens, murder, and pigs taking over bodies. I loved this book though i did share it with someone who wasnt in to this type of read and they hated it. Point blank you will love or hate this book. If your into vomit, murder, meat cults, and drag queens this is the book for you. A short read but defiantly my favorite book under 200 pages

[Andrew Stone · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is great! If you like B-Movies, horror, or bizarro, then this book is for you. If you like punk rock music, this book is also for you. You can read the lyrics to the funniest song in the world. The song is by the Skullfuck Nazis of course and is called "Leisure Slasher." Genius!

I admit, near the end I got lost a bit. I also admit that could have been because I was reading this book at like 5 AM because I couldn't fall asleep. Either way, I did get back into the story and still enjoyed the book as a whole immensely. Great debut by MP Johnson. Really looking forward to his next book (coming soon!).

Oh yes, and crazy ass violent drag queens. DRAG QUEENS!

[G. Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gross-out splatter-bizarro... well-tread territory, right? Not in the case of The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone. The important thing to note about MP Johnson's writing is that he can take cliched tropes and spin them into something surprising, fresh and clever. So you've got gore, punk rockers, rednecks, drag queens, etc. but not like you have ever seen them. The story is wild, wacky and spans millions of years. If you have a strong stomach, an appreciation for the grotesque, and a well-developed sense of humor, this is a book you need. If you like early John Waters-meets-early Peter Jackson aesthetics, this is a book you need.

In short, this is a book you need.

[Christopher Payne · Rating 5 out of 5]

What’s a farm boy to do when his pet pig becomes an evil, decaying hunk of ham with slime-spewing psychic powers?

After Daryl Malone absconds to Green Bay with the remains of his pet, Pork Knuckles, strange things start to happen. Why is everyone around him so hungry for ham? And why is green ooze pouring from their orifices? When he finds the answer to these questions, he’s forced to choose between his best buddy and a family that has only existed on the periphery of his life. That choice will send him and the ones he loves barreling nonstop through a labyrinth of cannibal hippies, Nazi flies, rabid drag queens, brawling grizzlies and punk rock muck fests.

[Graeme Woodcock · Rating 3 out of 5]

What.

[Darci Schummer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book by bizarro author MP Johnson. This book is perfectly plotted and has a lot of heart.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was M.P. (now Emma Alice) Johnson's first published novel. Actually it is a novella, a short, but fun read. It starts out really strong, but in the last half I feel the author struggled a bit with what direction to take things and so just relied on standard bizarro and horror tropes. It's still a good novella; it's just that I wish the relationships between the characters had been explored to their potential more rather than the shock and awe gorefest we were treated to instead.

The story is about a 12-year-old boy who was abandoned by his mother, has a problematic relationship with the father, and therefore makes a pig his best friend. All is okay if a bit weird, but Dad then decides it's time for Pork Knuckles the pig to become a ham sandwich. Daryl resists with the futility of any 12-year-old up against a jerk of a father and decides to run away to his aunt and uncle in Green Bay, thirty miles distant, by bicycle. He takes his pet, now a ham hock with supernatural powers, on the quest.

This is the second work by Ms. Johnson I have read now. I found it to be every bit the equal of her other work. This one has been reprinted in Bizarro Classicks, where I read it. I have the unmitigated joy and good luck of being able to read three more Johnson novellas, because they're under the same cover. I almost forgot to mention, there are a few good laughs to be had here too. Not many, but enough. Recommended for bizarro fiction lovers only, meaning you have a strong stomach to take the inevitable grossout and usual sexual explicities of most bizarro work.

[Madison McSweeney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emma Alice Johnson’s novella about a sentient and vengeful ham is grisly, surprising, and brimming with strangeness. It takes a skilled writer to imbue such an absurd premise with genuine horror and dread.