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Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See
A studio executive leaves his family and travels the world giving free reign to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to hide for 20 years.
"Juliann Garey writes with stark, lucid power about the tumbling journey into madness and the agonizing climb back out."--Brian Yorkey, book and lyrics for Next to Normal
In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free rein to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years. The novel intricately weaves together three timelines: the story of Greyson's travels (Rome, Israel, Santiago, Thailand, Uganda); the progressive unraveling of his own father seen through Greyson's eyes as a child; and the intimacies and estrangements of his marriage. The entire narrative unfolds in the time it takes him to undergo twelve 30-second electroshock treatments in a New York psychiatric ward. This is a literary page-turner of the first order, and a brilliant inside look at mental illness.
"Juliann Garey writes with stark, lucid power about the tumbling journey into madness and the agonizing climb back out."--Brian Yorkey, book and lyrics for Next to Normal
In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free rein to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years. The novel intricately weaves together three timelines: the story of Greyson's travels (Rome, Israel, Santiago, Thailand, Uganda); the progressive unraveling of his own father seen through Greyson's eyes as a child; and the intimacies and estrangements of his marriage. The entire narrative unfolds in the time it takes him to undergo twelve 30-second electroshock treatments in a New York psychiatric ward. This is a literary page-turner of the first order, and a brilliant inside look at mental illness.
306 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2012
390 people are currently reading
12637 people want to read
About the author
Juliann Garey
6 books63 followersJuliann has sold original screenplays and television pilots to Sony Pictures, NBC, CBS, Columbia TriStar Television and Lifetime TV. As a Journalist she has been on staff or contributed to over a dozen publications including Marie Claire, Glamour, More, Redbook, Entertainment Weekly, Elle, NY Magazine, The L.A. Times and The Huffington Post. She has received fellowships in fiction writing at The Virginia Center for the Creative Arts and The Vermont Studio Center. She has taught creative writing as a visiting lecturer at Sweet Briar College in VA. As a book editor, she specialized in non-fiction essay anthologies, among them: Voices of Bipolar Disorder--Stories of courage, comfort and strength and Women Reinvented--True stories of empowerment and change. Her short fiction has been published in Ducts.org.
Juliann was raised in Los Angeles in and around the film business. She attended Yale and got her Masters at Columbias School of Journalism. She lives in New York City.
Juliann was raised in Los Angeles in and around the film business. She attended Yale and got her Masters at Columbias School of Journalism. She lives in New York City.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 677 reviews
October 11, 2021
This book is horrifying in the details of a man's journey into madness. Garey writes so well, you feel his torment, his angst. Yet, at the same time it is hilariously funny....laugh out loud funny. The story is heartbreaking and very revealing about the nightmare of mental illness, particularly bipolar disorders. The main character's father had mental illness, which does run in families. The main character tries very hard to keep sane. He works as a Hollywood Studio Executive, so he can hide his "eccentric" behavior for a while. But he crashes, and disappears, leaving his 9 year old daughter and wife. He travels abroad and wrecks havoc everywhere he goes. Very well written, a very fast read. It's difficult to describe how a story can be so laugh out loud funny and cringe-worthy at the same time.
November 6, 2013
Wow, just wow. This book totally took me by surprise.
I read this book for Net Galley but it was on my radar to read anyway. I am just shocked that this isn't a memoir but a work of fiction. The author did a masterful job of portraying a man struggling with manic-depression.
The style of the book is frenetic and disordered, but in a way that fits perfectly with the main character spinning out of control. The story is about a young, successful man in the film industry who outwardly has everything under control. He has a beautiful wife and daughter, a lucrative career, and respect in his field. However, he teeters on the brink of insanity even when he is living his so called normal life. One day he can't take it anymore and cuts and runs. Without looking back.
The book jumps between scenes from his world travels, his early marriage, his childhood, and present day. The writing style is powerful and frank and I was totally drawn into Greyson's world. It is amazing to see the shift of Greyson's mental state from lucid and controlled to a state of anxious terror and almost sociopathic lack of feeling or remorse. His clawing his way back from this descent is neither easy nor without emotional consequences.
This book completely exceeded my expectations.
I read this book for Net Galley but it was on my radar to read anyway. I am just shocked that this isn't a memoir but a work of fiction. The author did a masterful job of portraying a man struggling with manic-depression.
The style of the book is frenetic and disordered, but in a way that fits perfectly with the main character spinning out of control. The story is about a young, successful man in the film industry who outwardly has everything under control. He has a beautiful wife and daughter, a lucrative career, and respect in his field. However, he teeters on the brink of insanity even when he is living his so called normal life. One day he can't take it anymore and cuts and runs. Without looking back.
The book jumps between scenes from his world travels, his early marriage, his childhood, and present day. The writing style is powerful and frank and I was totally drawn into Greyson's world. It is amazing to see the shift of Greyson's mental state from lucid and controlled to a state of anxious terror and almost sociopathic lack of feeling or remorse. His clawing his way back from this descent is neither easy nor without emotional consequences.
This book completely exceeded my expectations.
February 15, 2013
I gave it about 130 pages, which is nearly half the book, and I couldn't take any more. The narrator's problem appears to be sex addiction rather than bipolar disorder. When I got to the part where he's in Santiago, talking about how armpit hair is sexy because it's like a woman giving him a view of her little pocket-sized vagina, I'd had enough. Not that I was offended by all the sex talk, I was just bored with it.
I'm also not a fan of the pogo-stick school of writing. BOING BOING BOING. Now we're in Beverly Hills. Now we're in the Negev. Now we're in New York. Now it's 1961. Oh wait, now it's 1989....BOING BOING BOING.
Settle down a bit and just tell us a story, please. I understand the purpose for writing the novel this way. The narrator is relating flashbacks that come to him during 30-second electro-shock treatments. But it still doesn't work for me. Maybe I need electro-shock therapy in order to appreciate it.
Juliann Garey writes well, which is why I'm giving this two stars rather than one. And I have to give her special credit, because she writes so convincingly as a male that I kept forgetting the author was a woman.
I'm also not a fan of the pogo-stick school of writing. BOING BOING BOING. Now we're in Beverly Hills. Now we're in the Negev. Now we're in New York. Now it's 1961. Oh wait, now it's 1989....BOING BOING BOING.
Settle down a bit and just tell us a story, please. I understand the purpose for writing the novel this way. The narrator is relating flashbacks that come to him during 30-second electro-shock treatments. But it still doesn't work for me. Maybe I need electro-shock therapy in order to appreciate it.
Juliann Garey writes well, which is why I'm giving this two stars rather than one. And I have to give her special credit, because she writes so convincingly as a male that I kept forgetting the author was a woman.
February 5, 2013
This was not an easy book to read, but it was thoroughly engrossing. Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See is the story of Greyson Todd. Greyson is in the psych ward of a hospital getting electroconvulsive therapy as he takes us along on his ups and downs (way ups and way downs). Greyson, a bipolar former studio exec recounts his life in scenes scattered in an explosion of thoughts interspersed with his treatments, yet always woven together expertly.
My description may make the story sound less than compelling, but it is gripping in the extreme. Ms. Garey gets the details of bipolar disorder so, so right, it is almost excruciating to experience it all through Greyson's eyes. Still, even with all the agonizing story lines, there were a lot of laugh-out-loud moments.
Greyson is smart. He is self-deprecating. He is, in a word, hilarious. He is his own worst enemy. I really loved him and yet hated a good bit of what he did. I was nearly exhausted at the conclusion from the emotional beating getting vested in Greyson gave me (but in a good way).
Read it, Beverly (and everyone else). I will be thinking about this one and Greyson for a long time.
My description may make the story sound less than compelling, but it is gripping in the extreme. Ms. Garey gets the details of bipolar disorder so, so right, it is almost excruciating to experience it all through Greyson's eyes. Still, even with all the agonizing story lines, there were a lot of laugh-out-loud moments.
Greyson is smart. He is self-deprecating. He is, in a word, hilarious. He is his own worst enemy. I really loved him and yet hated a good bit of what he did. I was nearly exhausted at the conclusion from the emotional beating getting vested in Greyson gave me (but in a good way).
Read it, Beverly (and everyone else). I will be thinking about this one and Greyson for a long time.
November 26, 2012
I think this book has a greater impact when someone you know, either a friend or family member has had to deal with a mental illness. Unfortunately I am very familiar with bi-polar illness, so I found this book very real. The structure was unique, the character in the book has 12 ECT treatments, and during each of them we learn a little something more about him. His youth, how he became successful and than basically threw it all away, actually lost it because of his illness and faulty thinking and how he came to be in the hospital having these treatments. In a way I felt that the bouncing back and forth, instead of presenting his life in a linear fashion, kept the reader from really identifying and getting close to
him as a person. It was, however, a very good book and one that I found at times chilling. ARC from NetGalley.
him as a person. It was, however, a very good book and one that I found at times chilling. ARC from NetGalley.
February 1, 2020
This book depicts one man’s journey through untreated bipolar disorder. The narrator, Greyson Todd, is in a mental institution receiving electroconvulsive therapy. He tells his story in non-linear flashbacks from his childhood to what he can recall of his recent past. The first three quarters of this book are incredibly gut-wrenching, as the reader watches Greyson self-destruct and suffer psychotic breaks. The last section, Aftershocks, is the most powerful and provides a small glimmer of hope.
I am not sure why the author decided to make the protagonist a privileged Hollywood executive with unlimited funds. It seemed a device to allow him to travel the world to exotic places in order to depict licentiousness in excruciating detail. Be prepared for a surfeit of sex, drugs, alcohol, self-harm, and bodily functions.
I have a friend whose husband had this disorder, and this story seems realistic, at least from hearing secondhand about that experience. Her husband is no longer with us. This book is not pleasant reading, but it makes a significant point. I hope it conveys the importance of staying on prescribed medication to treat this life-threatening condition.
I am not sure why the author decided to make the protagonist a privileged Hollywood executive with unlimited funds. It seemed a device to allow him to travel the world to exotic places in order to depict licentiousness in excruciating detail. Be prepared for a surfeit of sex, drugs, alcohol, self-harm, and bodily functions.
I have a friend whose husband had this disorder, and this story seems realistic, at least from hearing secondhand about that experience. Her husband is no longer with us. This book is not pleasant reading, but it makes a significant point. I hope it conveys the importance of staying on prescribed medication to treat this life-threatening condition.
September 27, 2016
“Maybe someday it will come to me.”
If anything, this book made me cry. The father-daughter relationship is something very close to my heart. This also tackles mental-illness with rawness and although categorized as fiction, the characters and emotions feel so real—so much that you'd see yourself in one of them.
Also, the ending made my supposed 3.5 stars to 5. This is a very wonderful and 'overlooked' book I highly recommend.
If anything, this book made me cry. The father-daughter relationship is something very close to my heart. This also tackles mental-illness with rawness and although categorized as fiction, the characters and emotions feel so real—so much that you'd see yourself in one of them.
Also, the ending made my supposed 3.5 stars to 5. This is a very wonderful and 'overlooked' book I highly recommend.
July 1, 2012
Loved this book. I usually don't read books that are about bipolar people/hermaphrodites/pioneers/stowaways/immigrant surgeons, whatever. But sometimes books that need to be marketed as if they are "about" one thing are much better than their marketing. Middlesex was certainly like this, and so is Garey's book. Greyson Todd is not a warm fuzzy character. He's a destructive mess, and it's artful that the story is told in snippets that show he is attempting redemption from the start (electro-shock therapy) so we can enjoy Greyson's descent in comfort. I don't need that kind of anxiety in my life, and Garey is a strong writer -- she doesn't need to rely on suspense to drive her narrative forward, but there is a terrific surprise waiting at the end anyway. Along the way, each scene has its own delights, my favorite being an "authentic Bedouin experience" he has with a girl who is supposedly rescuing him from his broken down rental car. This scene could exist in any novel about any kind of person -- bipolar, hermaphrodite, immigrant surgeon, whatever, and it would be as perfect as it is here. But because Garey is writing it, we laugh and feel that Greyson, with all his bipolar tragedy, is Everyman, and all of us are wandering around in some degree of rage and confusion and mania, and the world is out there ready to take advantage of that.
February 19, 2019
I see I read this book nearly 4 1/2 years ago and gave it five stars. But for some reason I evidently didn’t write a review. I remember that at that time I had been diagnosed by a psychiatrist as being bipolar. I remember reading this book and thinking that I had got off pretty easily considering how debilitating that emotional illness can be as it is described in this book. Since then I have seen a new psychiatrist who almost immediately said to me “you’re taking that pill? You’re not bipolar.“ and that was that!
Since reading it I bought the Audible book probably because it was on sale. And now I have come to it on my long list of audible books and have decided I will listen to it and see what I think these years later.
I apparently didn’t like this book quite as much the second time around so I downgraded it from five stars to four stars. The big difference in my mind was that I was not very enamored of the Hollywood focus of a big part of the book. The main character was a very successful Hollywood agent with several Oscar-winning clients and making lots of money. This aspect of the book only created his financial ability to run off from his family with lots of money in offshore accounts and a suitcase full of cash. But all the Hollywood hoopla with drugs and sex and big houses was a drag on the book I thought.
So this is a book about a guy who suffers from bipolar disease type one. I think type two is the same but less severity. I thought it was extremely successful in exploring the mind of a person with this disability.
The ending of the book is I think phenomenal. He has abandoned his family about 10 years previously including an eight-year-old daughter. In those 10 years he has a hell of a lot of experiences all around the world and in NYC. He ends up in an inpatient psychiatric hospital and he manages to reconnect with his daughter Who has moved from California to go to college at Princeton. To me it was a stunning reunion and coming back together. Here is the guy who has been to the pinnacle of success by some standards who has since then been to the bottom of the barrel. His brain has been zapped by shock therapy ECT and massive drugs in an effort to cure his psychiatric disability.
Since reading it I bought the Audible book probably because it was on sale. And now I have come to it on my long list of audible books and have decided I will listen to it and see what I think these years later.
I apparently didn’t like this book quite as much the second time around so I downgraded it from five stars to four stars. The big difference in my mind was that I was not very enamored of the Hollywood focus of a big part of the book. The main character was a very successful Hollywood agent with several Oscar-winning clients and making lots of money. This aspect of the book only created his financial ability to run off from his family with lots of money in offshore accounts and a suitcase full of cash. But all the Hollywood hoopla with drugs and sex and big houses was a drag on the book I thought.
So this is a book about a guy who suffers from bipolar disease type one. I think type two is the same but less severity. I thought it was extremely successful in exploring the mind of a person with this disability.
The ending of the book is I think phenomenal. He has abandoned his family about 10 years previously including an eight-year-old daughter. In those 10 years he has a hell of a lot of experiences all around the world and in NYC. He ends up in an inpatient psychiatric hospital and he manages to reconnect with his daughter Who has moved from California to go to college at Princeton. To me it was a stunning reunion and coming back together. Here is the guy who has been to the pinnacle of success by some standards who has since then been to the bottom of the barrel. His brain has been zapped by shock therapy ECT and massive drugs in an effort to cure his psychiatric disability.
December 18, 2013
GOD I can't even start. I can't find where to begin. Ok relax, relax Gaius.
So the first few therapies/episodes of ECT were pure build-ups and I was silly to pass them as slightly typical introductions because I haven't sunk/delved in to the mind of Greyson Todd to that deep a depth yet. But as I read on cautiously readying myself for any blue surprises, I find myself actually taking on the shoes and mind of Greyson whilst he narrates everything he gets a flashback of. I really can't. It's too good. This book. You have to read it. And all aforementioned is simply the tip of this iceberg, I'm sure you'll just stop reading and click 'want to read' and stop any spoiler-ing opinions from diluting your book-reading experience with, of course, this book. Great. Just GREAT. Ugh make me stop. Wheeee-oooh.
Update 18 Dec 13:-
I guess all I need to say right now of this novel is constant reminiscence and desire to reread it, although I consistently tell myself I have unending books to read.. I mean you can't just ignore such an impactful novel right after reading it within a day. You'd probably keep telling friends to read it but they could care less or won't even give seven hoots about reading anything at all. I keep rereading certain reviews and I feel I sound so gross hahaha but forgive me I'm just being as in-the-heat-of-the-moment as possible to preserve my genuineness in reviewing for my archiving purposes. I actually hoped this novel could have been more recognized or even tread up to goodreads' awards categories.
So the first few therapies/episodes of ECT were pure build-ups and I was silly to pass them as slightly typical introductions because I haven't sunk/delved in to the mind of Greyson Todd to that deep a depth yet. But as I read on cautiously readying myself for any blue surprises, I find myself actually taking on the shoes and mind of Greyson whilst he narrates everything he gets a flashback of. I really can't. It's too good. This book. You have to read it. And all aforementioned is simply the tip of this iceberg, I'm sure you'll just stop reading and click 'want to read' and stop any spoiler-ing opinions from diluting your book-reading experience with, of course, this book. Great. Just GREAT. Ugh make me stop. Wheeee-oooh.
Update 18 Dec 13:-
I guess all I need to say right now of this novel is constant reminiscence and desire to reread it, although I consistently tell myself I have unending books to read.. I mean you can't just ignore such an impactful novel right after reading it within a day. You'd probably keep telling friends to read it but they could care less or won't even give seven hoots about reading anything at all. I keep rereading certain reviews and I feel I sound so gross hahaha but forgive me I'm just being as in-the-heat-of-the-moment as possible to preserve my genuineness in reviewing for my archiving purposes. I actually hoped this novel could have been more recognized or even tread up to goodreads' awards categories.
February 17, 2013
I have always been interested in brain disorders, bipolar disease in particular as I know a few people who suffer from this disorder. I never realized how far down this disease can take a person. I kept wishing the book was written by a women, and then I realized it was! The constant sexual thoughts and actions of the character were just plain gross. Really, a woman wrote this? Anyway, the book does show how serious untreated bipolar disease can be.
May 19, 2015
“Where does it hurt?’ he asks, racing to my bedside.
“I don’t know,” I lie.
Everywhere. All the time.
“What does it feel like?”
“I. Don’t. Know,” I sob, lying again.
In the mornings, it is an endless ocean of bottomless loss. By late afternoon, every cell in my body has a bleeding hangnail. But I don’t say that. I never say that.
“I don’t know,” I lie.
Everywhere. All the time.
“What does it feel like?”
“I. Don’t. Know,” I sob, lying again.
In the mornings, it is an endless ocean of bottomless loss. By late afternoon, every cell in my body has a bleeding hangnail. But I don’t say that. I never say that.
February 22, 2025
"I do not believe in God. I believe in the power of Family. And occasionally, when I'm feeling optimistic, in free will. But blood is a force to be reckoned with. God, for example, can't give you an excellent head of hair. Your Family can. They can also give you cancer. And heart disease. Nothing kills like Family."
Thank God it skipped me. I spent a considerable amount of time in my young adult years worrying that I, too, would hear voices. My mother's oldest brother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia before I graduated high school. He died from health problems exacerbated by his mental instability before his thirtieth birthday. I'm not exactly sure when my great-aunt began exhibiting signs of psychological instability. Still, the word in the Family was that she lost it after seeing a root lady who helped her put a spell on an unfaithful boyfriend. She was in her early twenties. Jimmi was my mother's favorite maternal aunt, her confidant and biggest supporter, and our best and most reliable babysitter. It didn't bother my mother or us that her home and food smelled and tasted of the kerosene she used for heat (she thought the utility company was out to get her). Or that she washed the threshold of her doors and her money with ammonia to ward off evil people and spirits. Nonetheless, she took good care of us; she hadn't fully descended into total disorienting, psychotic madness yet. Her unchecked mental illness, however, would eventually render her incapable of leaving her home, at least not alive. She died while in self-imposed exile from a world she thought was out to get her. No husband. No children. When my younger sister was diagnosed with manic depression, I was relieved that it wasn't schizophrenia. That is, until I read Juliann Garey's Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See.
As the novel begins, Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive and the narrator of his story is coming out of the fog caused by undergoing electroconvulsive therapy for his severe manic depression. It is during this treatment and his time reflecting while in the psychiatric hospital that we find out how he ended up there. The most compelling aspect of this novel is that Juliann Garey does a remarkable job providing a nonlinear frame narration that, in many ways, mirrors the mental illness her protagonist is suffering from. She focuses on 3 significant periods of his life: the disappointing childhood experiences caused by his father (who suffers from mental illness as well), his own failed attempt at marriage, and his reckless travels around the world. These moments are hurled at us with no regard for the reader's need for normal order, sense, and balance - much like the lack of concern the chemical insufficiency has on our protagonist's brain. His life comes flooding back to him in disjointed, rapid-firing, fragmented memories. All nearly unbearable. All a manifestation of the heredity passed down to him.
The genetic variation responsible for causing Greyson Todd's predisposition to mental illness seems both random and predestined. And the unfortunate delusion that he could be a good father and husband seemed unavoidable because he was not normal. He was the unlucky one of his siblings. It seemed pre-ordained by virtue of his DNA that he would repeat, in some way, the cycle of dysfunction and familial ruin his father initiated. After leaving his wife and 8-year-old daughter because the effort to maintain a normal life was exhausting and impossible for him, and before heading out of town, he visits the cemetery and his mother's grave: "There is a plot next to her reserved for Pop. If it were up to me, I'd let my old man spend eternity in the cheap seats." He despised his father's affairs with other women, his inability to keep a job, weeks spent unable to leave his bedroom, failed plans, manic purchases that nearly leaves the Family bankrupt, . "Some people shouldn't be parents. I simply found out after the fact." The sad irony is that the novel's protagonist did know the damage a parent with mental illness can inflict on a family, a child; he lived through it. Unfortunately, he lacked the mental capacity to reverse the trajectory of his tormented life.
While this review mainly focuses on the aspect of the novel related to the devastating effects mental illness has on families, there is a bittersweet silver lining. Greyson Todd may get a second chance to nurture some important relationships, but it's only because he is fortunate enough to have Family who understands the nature of mental illness and who want to understand him. It may have been a blessing that he left his child before he was able to completely and irrevocably destroy all her childhood memories of him or any chance of a future relationship, as did his own father.
My aunt Jimmi had the support of my mother, who considered her paranoid behavior a usual occurrence among her mother's sisters. By the time my sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, my mother was much better educated on what needed to be done to encourage her stability. She realized my sister's psychological problems should be taken more seriously and sought out the proper treatment. Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See is probably one of the best public service announcements on the side of mental illness. Juliann Garey humanizes people with this condition; she takes us along for a ride that gets us about as close as possible to real, certifiable madness and the helplessness and isolation it causes. So, the next time you're compelled to tell your crazy family member, a bum on the street, or a friend to "get it together and snap out of it." Stop it and get this novel. If you're patient enough to get through it, you'll be much better for it.
Thank God it skipped me. I spent a considerable amount of time in my young adult years worrying that I, too, would hear voices. My mother's oldest brother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia before I graduated high school. He died from health problems exacerbated by his mental instability before his thirtieth birthday. I'm not exactly sure when my great-aunt began exhibiting signs of psychological instability. Still, the word in the Family was that she lost it after seeing a root lady who helped her put a spell on an unfaithful boyfriend. She was in her early twenties. Jimmi was my mother's favorite maternal aunt, her confidant and biggest supporter, and our best and most reliable babysitter. It didn't bother my mother or us that her home and food smelled and tasted of the kerosene she used for heat (she thought the utility company was out to get her). Or that she washed the threshold of her doors and her money with ammonia to ward off evil people and spirits. Nonetheless, she took good care of us; she hadn't fully descended into total disorienting, psychotic madness yet. Her unchecked mental illness, however, would eventually render her incapable of leaving her home, at least not alive. She died while in self-imposed exile from a world she thought was out to get her. No husband. No children. When my younger sister was diagnosed with manic depression, I was relieved that it wasn't schizophrenia. That is, until I read Juliann Garey's Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See.
As the novel begins, Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive and the narrator of his story is coming out of the fog caused by undergoing electroconvulsive therapy for his severe manic depression. It is during this treatment and his time reflecting while in the psychiatric hospital that we find out how he ended up there. The most compelling aspect of this novel is that Juliann Garey does a remarkable job providing a nonlinear frame narration that, in many ways, mirrors the mental illness her protagonist is suffering from. She focuses on 3 significant periods of his life: the disappointing childhood experiences caused by his father (who suffers from mental illness as well), his own failed attempt at marriage, and his reckless travels around the world. These moments are hurled at us with no regard for the reader's need for normal order, sense, and balance - much like the lack of concern the chemical insufficiency has on our protagonist's brain. His life comes flooding back to him in disjointed, rapid-firing, fragmented memories. All nearly unbearable. All a manifestation of the heredity passed down to him.
The genetic variation responsible for causing Greyson Todd's predisposition to mental illness seems both random and predestined. And the unfortunate delusion that he could be a good father and husband seemed unavoidable because he was not normal. He was the unlucky one of his siblings. It seemed pre-ordained by virtue of his DNA that he would repeat, in some way, the cycle of dysfunction and familial ruin his father initiated. After leaving his wife and 8-year-old daughter because the effort to maintain a normal life was exhausting and impossible for him, and before heading out of town, he visits the cemetery and his mother's grave: "There is a plot next to her reserved for Pop. If it were up to me, I'd let my old man spend eternity in the cheap seats." He despised his father's affairs with other women, his inability to keep a job, weeks spent unable to leave his bedroom, failed plans, manic purchases that nearly leaves the Family bankrupt, . "Some people shouldn't be parents. I simply found out after the fact." The sad irony is that the novel's protagonist did know the damage a parent with mental illness can inflict on a family, a child; he lived through it. Unfortunately, he lacked the mental capacity to reverse the trajectory of his tormented life.
While this review mainly focuses on the aspect of the novel related to the devastating effects mental illness has on families, there is a bittersweet silver lining. Greyson Todd may get a second chance to nurture some important relationships, but it's only because he is fortunate enough to have Family who understands the nature of mental illness and who want to understand him. It may have been a blessing that he left his child before he was able to completely and irrevocably destroy all her childhood memories of him or any chance of a future relationship, as did his own father.
My aunt Jimmi had the support of my mother, who considered her paranoid behavior a usual occurrence among her mother's sisters. By the time my sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, my mother was much better educated on what needed to be done to encourage her stability. She realized my sister's psychological problems should be taken more seriously and sought out the proper treatment. Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See is probably one of the best public service announcements on the side of mental illness. Juliann Garey humanizes people with this condition; she takes us along for a ride that gets us about as close as possible to real, certifiable madness and the helplessness and isolation it causes. So, the next time you're compelled to tell your crazy family member, a bum on the street, or a friend to "get it together and snap out of it." Stop it and get this novel. If you're patient enough to get through it, you'll be much better for it.
December 28, 2012
“The lie I have been telling for twenty years.”
The lie that Greyson Todd has been telling for twenty years is, "I'm fine." He is not fine. He has bipolar disorder type I, which first presents in his early twenties, shortly after he gets married. These are facts that readers will glean along the way of this non-linear novel, most of which takes place in Greyson's mind in the fleeting moments that comprise twelve 30-second electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) treatments in the present day, New York circa 1994.
While Greyson's memories roam freely from his childhood until near the present day, the pivotal event of the novel is relayed in its opening pages. It is 1984, and Greyson, a successful Hollywood studio executive, walks out of the house, leaving forever his wife and eight-year-old daughter. After years of struggling to keep it together, he loses the battle. Mixed in with older memories, readers will follow Greyson through the exotic wanderings--Rome, Israel, Santiago, Thailand, Uganda--that will comprise the next decade of his life. And readers will bear witness to his decline into ever-worsening mental illness.
Debut novelist Juliann Garey wisely allows readers to grow fond of the relatively stable Greyson before she pushes him off the deep end. He's an accomplished, intelligent, and very likeable man at his best. A friend's father calls him a "mensch" when he's still a boy. And his own father, with whom he has a complex relationship, at one point tells him, "Greyson, you are very lucky. Not everyone can feel things as deeply as you. Most people, their feelings are... bland, tasteless. They'll never understand what it's like to read a poem and feel almost like they're flying, or see a bleeding fish and feel grief that shatters their heart. It's not a weakness, Grey. It's what I love about you most."
It's easy to quote from the novel. Garey has filled it with little snippets like, "I am undergoing a single-malt baptism." Or passages like, "I close my eyes and breathe in one more time. And then I know--the church smells just like our dogs' feet, like the warm, soft spaces in between their toe pads. I never would have known the pleasures of that particular comfort except that once Willa made me put my nose there. After that, I did it all the time. When no one was around. Dog huffing."
The characters that need to be are well-fleshed. Every other character is filtered through Greyson's perception of them. And the language is a pleasure to read. It's the story being told that's a lot more painful to take in. It goes without saying that mental illness is a nightmare. Former studio exec that he is, Greyson is wary of "the cheesy Hollywood ending." But as his doctor tells him, "...no one is handing you a happy ending. At best you're being spared a Shakespearian tragedy."
The lie that Greyson Todd has been telling for twenty years is, "I'm fine." He is not fine. He has bipolar disorder type I, which first presents in his early twenties, shortly after he gets married. These are facts that readers will glean along the way of this non-linear novel, most of which takes place in Greyson's mind in the fleeting moments that comprise twelve 30-second electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) treatments in the present day, New York circa 1994.
While Greyson's memories roam freely from his childhood until near the present day, the pivotal event of the novel is relayed in its opening pages. It is 1984, and Greyson, a successful Hollywood studio executive, walks out of the house, leaving forever his wife and eight-year-old daughter. After years of struggling to keep it together, he loses the battle. Mixed in with older memories, readers will follow Greyson through the exotic wanderings--Rome, Israel, Santiago, Thailand, Uganda--that will comprise the next decade of his life. And readers will bear witness to his decline into ever-worsening mental illness.
Debut novelist Juliann Garey wisely allows readers to grow fond of the relatively stable Greyson before she pushes him off the deep end. He's an accomplished, intelligent, and very likeable man at his best. A friend's father calls him a "mensch" when he's still a boy. And his own father, with whom he has a complex relationship, at one point tells him, "Greyson, you are very lucky. Not everyone can feel things as deeply as you. Most people, their feelings are... bland, tasteless. They'll never understand what it's like to read a poem and feel almost like they're flying, or see a bleeding fish and feel grief that shatters their heart. It's not a weakness, Grey. It's what I love about you most."
It's easy to quote from the novel. Garey has filled it with little snippets like, "I am undergoing a single-malt baptism." Or passages like, "I close my eyes and breathe in one more time. And then I know--the church smells just like our dogs' feet, like the warm, soft spaces in between their toe pads. I never would have known the pleasures of that particular comfort except that once Willa made me put my nose there. After that, I did it all the time. When no one was around. Dog huffing."
The characters that need to be are well-fleshed. Every other character is filtered through Greyson's perception of them. And the language is a pleasure to read. It's the story being told that's a lot more painful to take in. It goes without saying that mental illness is a nightmare. Former studio exec that he is, Greyson is wary of "the cheesy Hollywood ending." But as his doctor tells him, "...no one is handing you a happy ending. At best you're being spared a Shakespearian tragedy."
December 30, 2012
Juliann Garey's first novel really packs a wallop.
Greyson Todd is a studio executive in Los Angeles. As an agent, his clients have won multiple Oscars, made millions of dollars, and have been the toast of the entertainment industry. Greyson and his wife, Ellen, who met as teenagers, have a young daughter, Willa, and when he is able to break away from the demands of work, Greyson enjoys spending time with his daughter.
The thing is, Greyson also suffers from bipolar disorder, which has made him almost manically dedicated and driven on behalf of his clients, but leaves him to unpredictably deal with the highest highs and the lowest lows, and keep them hidden from those he represents and others in the industry. It is incredibly debilitating and although Ellen supports him through these periods, the strain is becoming increasingly more difficult.
And one night, Greyson has had it. He leaves Ellen and Willa and allows his illness to take control, and travels the world—visiting Rome, Israel, Chile, Uganda, and Thailand—assuming different identities and living different lives until his illness catches up with him again. Each time, he experiences some terrific joys and connecting with people, mostly women, and then the lows begin crushing him again, in many different ways.
Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See is a gripping, poignant, and tremendously compelling book about one man's struggle with mental illness and how it affects those around him. The book shifts between Greyson's current condition, getting ECT treatments in a New York hospital, to his travels all over the world, his relationships with Ellen and Willa, and his childhood, when he watched his father deal with the same illness that is affecting him and how his long-suffering mother handled it.
Juliann Garey is a tremendously talented writer and she hooks you into Greyson's story almost immediately. Her storytelling ability is powerful, as she makes you care for Greyson even as he is doing things you may find horrifying or disturbing. While a book about mental illness would allow an author to create one-dimensional characters and rely on stereotypes, Garey brings a fresh perspective to a somewhat familiar story.
Mental illness is a serious problem that is often misunderstood. Juliann Garey helps you see the man behind the illness, and how it affects his daily life as well as the lives of those with whom he comes into contact. This is really a terrific book.
Greyson Todd is a studio executive in Los Angeles. As an agent, his clients have won multiple Oscars, made millions of dollars, and have been the toast of the entertainment industry. Greyson and his wife, Ellen, who met as teenagers, have a young daughter, Willa, and when he is able to break away from the demands of work, Greyson enjoys spending time with his daughter.
The thing is, Greyson also suffers from bipolar disorder, which has made him almost manically dedicated and driven on behalf of his clients, but leaves him to unpredictably deal with the highest highs and the lowest lows, and keep them hidden from those he represents and others in the industry. It is incredibly debilitating and although Ellen supports him through these periods, the strain is becoming increasingly more difficult.
And one night, Greyson has had it. He leaves Ellen and Willa and allows his illness to take control, and travels the world—visiting Rome, Israel, Chile, Uganda, and Thailand—assuming different identities and living different lives until his illness catches up with him again. Each time, he experiences some terrific joys and connecting with people, mostly women, and then the lows begin crushing him again, in many different ways.
Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See is a gripping, poignant, and tremendously compelling book about one man's struggle with mental illness and how it affects those around him. The book shifts between Greyson's current condition, getting ECT treatments in a New York hospital, to his travels all over the world, his relationships with Ellen and Willa, and his childhood, when he watched his father deal with the same illness that is affecting him and how his long-suffering mother handled it.
Juliann Garey is a tremendously talented writer and she hooks you into Greyson's story almost immediately. Her storytelling ability is powerful, as she makes you care for Greyson even as he is doing things you may find horrifying or disturbing. While a book about mental illness would allow an author to create one-dimensional characters and rely on stereotypes, Garey brings a fresh perspective to a somewhat familiar story.
Mental illness is a serious problem that is often misunderstood. Juliann Garey helps you see the man behind the illness, and how it affects his daily life as well as the lives of those with whom he comes into contact. This is really a terrific book.
August 8, 2023
i don't think juliann garey knowns anything at all about bipolar disorder. sincerely, a bipolar person.
January 14, 2022
Processing this. Did I enjoy it? No. Did it make me cry a lot and have anxiety? Yes.
I always struggle with even rating books that are made more for being sad and discussing something difficult. Since I view reading as a form of entertainment its hard to rate pain as a kind of enjoyment.
Juliann Garey takes us into the life and mind of Greyson Todd, a Hollywood studio exec with a wife and daughter whose life seems perfect except for the fact that Greyson has Bipolar 1 disorder.
I went into this book completely blind, not knowing what it was about or what it was turning into. The first pages has Greyson abandoning his wife and child with very little background information and we slowly realize over the course of the book his life and diagnosis. So the first scene is set up for someone not knowing anything about him to think of him poorly but something about Garey’s writing immediately made me it clear to me that this was not a man just abandoning his family.
I have family members with Bipolar. I grew up around people suffering from this. I could almost immediately identify it in her writing even before she ‘revealed’ it and before I bothered to read the back cover. Garey’s writing of this disorder is absolutely crushing and while I have never experienced it first hand, it felt like I was seeing what I have always seen from the outside come true again. I cried over random scenes of him disconnecting from reality, the people around him being confused by his behavior. His mania and depression both seeming so normalized in his head but confusing to the ones around him. The risky behaviors, the arguments over nothing, the quick turns of feelings, the days spent in bed – all giving me flashbacks to my own childhood with a parent with Bipolar.
All that to say this book was ROUGH for me emotionally. Garey really did seem to capture what it must seem like to someone who suffers from this disorder and the writing is really great. A real problem was a constant question of ‘Why this man?’ – there are many people suffering from Bipolar. It did seem kind of weird to focus on a man who has all the privileges in the world other than this. Is it to show how anyone can suffer? Even with a support system and all the money in the world? To show how much this can destroy a life since he falls from so far? Maybe. But it does make Greyson kind of hard to like outside of his disorder. Maybe its just me personally who would have liked to see someone more similar to my own experiences.
There is also a lot of weird sex and even pedophilia at times. I understand mania includes extra sex drive and risky decisions and that combines poorly oftentimes, but I don’t think we needed to see all the scenes we saw to get the picture. I would definitely look up trigger warnings in this area.
Overall, this book felt like a realistic depiction of bipolar disorder and its devastation through lives. However, the main character was unlikable in general and hard to read about at times. I don’t know if I would recommend this to anyone for any reason but I wouldn’t say I hated it either. What is that in star form? I guess I’ll go with 3.
This book was recommended by NPR’s Book Concierge in 2013 (I’m making my way through this list). I listened to it on audio through my local library. Narrated by Dan Butler who did a great job.
I always struggle with even rating books that are made more for being sad and discussing something difficult. Since I view reading as a form of entertainment its hard to rate pain as a kind of enjoyment.
Juliann Garey takes us into the life and mind of Greyson Todd, a Hollywood studio exec with a wife and daughter whose life seems perfect except for the fact that Greyson has Bipolar 1 disorder.
I went into this book completely blind, not knowing what it was about or what it was turning into. The first pages has Greyson abandoning his wife and child with very little background information and we slowly realize over the course of the book his life and diagnosis. So the first scene is set up for someone not knowing anything about him to think of him poorly but something about Garey’s writing immediately made me it clear to me that this was not a man just abandoning his family.
I have family members with Bipolar. I grew up around people suffering from this. I could almost immediately identify it in her writing even before she ‘revealed’ it and before I bothered to read the back cover. Garey’s writing of this disorder is absolutely crushing and while I have never experienced it first hand, it felt like I was seeing what I have always seen from the outside come true again. I cried over random scenes of him disconnecting from reality, the people around him being confused by his behavior. His mania and depression both seeming so normalized in his head but confusing to the ones around him. The risky behaviors, the arguments over nothing, the quick turns of feelings, the days spent in bed – all giving me flashbacks to my own childhood with a parent with Bipolar.
All that to say this book was ROUGH for me emotionally. Garey really did seem to capture what it must seem like to someone who suffers from this disorder and the writing is really great. A real problem was a constant question of ‘Why this man?’ – there are many people suffering from Bipolar. It did seem kind of weird to focus on a man who has all the privileges in the world other than this. Is it to show how anyone can suffer? Even with a support system and all the money in the world? To show how much this can destroy a life since he falls from so far? Maybe. But it does make Greyson kind of hard to like outside of his disorder. Maybe its just me personally who would have liked to see someone more similar to my own experiences.
There is also a lot of weird sex and even pedophilia at times. I understand mania includes extra sex drive and risky decisions and that combines poorly oftentimes, but I don’t think we needed to see all the scenes we saw to get the picture. I would definitely look up trigger warnings in this area.
Overall, this book felt like a realistic depiction of bipolar disorder and its devastation through lives. However, the main character was unlikable in general and hard to read about at times. I don’t know if I would recommend this to anyone for any reason but I wouldn’t say I hated it either. What is that in star form? I guess I’ll go with 3.
This book was recommended by NPR’s Book Concierge in 2013 (I’m making my way through this list). I listened to it on audio through my local library. Narrated by Dan Butler who did a great job.
December 11, 2012
Too Bright to Hear has a fairly simple plot and a story that certainly isn’t new to literature. Writers love to talk about mental deterioration, depression, and general insanity. It’s fascinating, and these people with mental health disorders see the world in such a beautiful way, a way that writers constantly strive to show.
Garey’s writing is hauntingly beautiful. She gives us an intimate look into the life of a severely troubled man (in first person POV), whose story seems more real than a memoir. In terms of writing alone, this novel is the best I’ve read all year (very close second: Which Brings Me to You). The story itself is really hard to read in places. Similar to Sharp, there are instances of self-harm and times when you just want to shake Greyson and be like “get it together!” But obviously that’s not how it works.
This isn’t an uplifting novel or a particularly happy one, but Too Bright to Hear will help you appreciate the brain of a mentally ill person, their struggle, and the resiliency of human relationships. I definitely cried in the end. Also, for all of you writers out there, this is a must read for the craft alone!!
Garey’s writing is hauntingly beautiful. She gives us an intimate look into the life of a severely troubled man (in first person POV), whose story seems more real than a memoir. In terms of writing alone, this novel is the best I’ve read all year (very close second: Which Brings Me to You). The story itself is really hard to read in places. Similar to Sharp, there are instances of self-harm and times when you just want to shake Greyson and be like “get it together!” But obviously that’s not how it works.
This isn’t an uplifting novel or a particularly happy one, but Too Bright to Hear will help you appreciate the brain of a mentally ill person, their struggle, and the resiliency of human relationships. I definitely cried in the end. Also, for all of you writers out there, this is a must read for the craft alone!!
March 29, 2019
She is better off without you; you are no good to her; you are useless; go, just go; Jesus Christ, you weak piece of shit, just pull the fucking Band-Aid off. (Loc. 356-357)
This is a book that can pollute your soul.
A friend of mine, a Buddhist, monitored his reading and TV watching. He would have avoided Too Bright to Hear, Too Loud to See like the plague. Grayson, the narrator, was inauthentic and insincere, lied when it was expedient, and used and abused the people around him. It's hard to find anything likeable about him.
And this was all shared in a first person narrative, so you couldn't look away.
While Grayson would clearly be diagnosed with bipolar disorder I with psychotic symptoms, I suspect he would also be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and polysubstance abuse. This combination is a lethal and often unattractive one, one described here in excruciating detail. As he apparently had unlimited financial resources, despite no longer working, Grayson was able to explore the depths of hell in exquisite detail.
Supersensitive smelling capabilities and ultrabright-light sight receptors. But my most super powerful sense is my souped-up hearing. I hear everything. All the time. The sound of bus exhaust. Ringing telephones and telephones that have not yet rung. (Loc. 2429-2430)
If this is where Too Bright to Hear ended, I would have left this review at two stars and felt that I'd lost six hours of my life. Too Bright to Hear was often hard to sit through, as Juliann Garey's descriptions felt gratuitous. Grayson was frequently despicable and often pathetic, with little light allowing us to empathize with and care for him. I felt bombarded – enough already!
Maybe we, like Grayson, needed to hit rock bottom to appreciate the book's ending.
After ECT, lithium, and Zyprexa, Grayson's highs and lows disappeared. He also lost his most intimate memories and the most central aspects of who he was. After the paranoia, the racing thoughts, the periods of "superpowers," he had a difficult time recognizing what his future could look like and be. What was normal? Would being normal and stable be emotionally "flat"? Would being normal mean that he'd give up happiness? What would he have to live for?
The process of asking and answering such questions can transform our lives. Putting such questions on the table saved this book.
This is a book that can pollute your soul.
A friend of mine, a Buddhist, monitored his reading and TV watching. He would have avoided Too Bright to Hear, Too Loud to See like the plague. Grayson, the narrator, was inauthentic and insincere, lied when it was expedient, and used and abused the people around him. It's hard to find anything likeable about him.
And this was all shared in a first person narrative, so you couldn't look away.
While Grayson would clearly be diagnosed with bipolar disorder I with psychotic symptoms, I suspect he would also be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and polysubstance abuse. This combination is a lethal and often unattractive one, one described here in excruciating detail. As he apparently had unlimited financial resources, despite no longer working, Grayson was able to explore the depths of hell in exquisite detail.
Supersensitive smelling capabilities and ultrabright-light sight receptors. But my most super powerful sense is my souped-up hearing. I hear everything. All the time. The sound of bus exhaust. Ringing telephones and telephones that have not yet rung. (Loc. 2429-2430)
If this is where Too Bright to Hear ended, I would have left this review at two stars and felt that I'd lost six hours of my life. Too Bright to Hear was often hard to sit through, as Juliann Garey's descriptions felt gratuitous. Grayson was frequently despicable and often pathetic, with little light allowing us to empathize with and care for him. I felt bombarded – enough already!
Maybe we, like Grayson, needed to hit rock bottom to appreciate the book's ending.
After ECT, lithium, and Zyprexa, Grayson's highs and lows disappeared. He also lost his most intimate memories and the most central aspects of who he was. After the paranoia, the racing thoughts, the periods of "superpowers," he had a difficult time recognizing what his future could look like and be. What was normal? Would being normal and stable be emotionally "flat"? Would being normal mean that he'd give up happiness? What would he have to live for?
The process of asking and answering such questions can transform our lives. Putting such questions on the table saved this book.
January 19, 2015
OK, so keep in mind I gravitate toward books with main characters who battle mental illness, BUT this one is special. Greyson,the main character, is a successful business executive who just happens to be bipolar. Although his actions were often directed by his disease, there is way more to the storyline than that. With some tweaking, it could have stood alone (disease-less) as the characters were interesting and fleshed out. I wondered how in the world Juliann Garey, the author,could capture Greyson's feelings with such apparent understanding and truth. Then I read more about her life only to learn that she suffered from bipolar disorder after the birth of her second child. It took 7 years to find meds that could make her stable. She wrote this book DURING this long stretch of time when she had "access to her feelings." She feels that her disease is both an asset and a hindrance to her creativity. Greyson claims that most people have lives thar are "bland and tasteless, never understanding what it's like to read a poem and feel like you're flying or see a bleeding fish and feel grief that shatters the heart." Although Juliann never wants to return to her manic times, she understands them. It doesn't hurt that she's a really good writer who grabbed my attention and kept it throughout the story.
At one point, I wanted to lower my rating because of some of the sexual fantasies but then I realized that my discomfort had nothing to do with the integrity of the book. So what if I didn't like to hear about how Greyson found hairy female armpits sexually arousing? Mental illness should not have to be homogenized for me, the reader. This is the nature of the beast, like it or not. Greyson told us that there were many times when he didn't want to be in his own skin. We were shown those times and his cringe- worthy impulses.
The story was told in a choppy, segmented way. As Greyson endured a dozen electroshock treatments, the stories of his childhood, marriage and world travels gradually unwound. The plot disorganization mimics his state of mind in an artistic way. "Once I was music, now I'm just noise." The scenes with his daughter Willa were touching in a non-sappy way.
It's tough to capture the essence of the story with this review. Just trust that you will meet a complex character who is both highly functioning and wallowing in the depths of despair. It will also make you think about treatment. "The best case scenario is stability. Not happiness, not passion, not joy.....a living flatline." Is this why Juliann had to write this book while in search of stability and not afterwards? For more insight, read her article in the NYT (Aug. 2013):
'When Doctors Discriminate'. BTW, she was a successful journalist and screenwriter before she wrote this debut novel. I know, I should start a fan club.
At one point, I wanted to lower my rating because of some of the sexual fantasies but then I realized that my discomfort had nothing to do with the integrity of the book. So what if I didn't like to hear about how Greyson found hairy female armpits sexually arousing? Mental illness should not have to be homogenized for me, the reader. This is the nature of the beast, like it or not. Greyson told us that there were many times when he didn't want to be in his own skin. We were shown those times and his cringe- worthy impulses.
The story was told in a choppy, segmented way. As Greyson endured a dozen electroshock treatments, the stories of his childhood, marriage and world travels gradually unwound. The plot disorganization mimics his state of mind in an artistic way. "Once I was music, now I'm just noise." The scenes with his daughter Willa were touching in a non-sappy way.
It's tough to capture the essence of the story with this review. Just trust that you will meet a complex character who is both highly functioning and wallowing in the depths of despair. It will also make you think about treatment. "The best case scenario is stability. Not happiness, not passion, not joy.....a living flatline." Is this why Juliann had to write this book while in search of stability and not afterwards? For more insight, read her article in the NYT (Aug. 2013):
'When Doctors Discriminate'. BTW, she was a successful journalist and screenwriter before she wrote this debut novel. I know, I should start a fan club.
February 18, 2017
3.5 stars. It always makes me sad to read a book about bipolar disorder or depression.
July 27, 2013
"ONCE I WAS MUSIC, NOW I AM JUST NOISE"
Re-read and reassessed. you get a perfect five as my prejudice and initial qualms are sidelined.
So there is this book. you just finished it. it leaves you nervous. you realize in the back of your head that you connect to it; connect to it too much. It buzzes inside you like the bees in Greyson's chest, because, after all you can totally relate.
But you read it quietly, even though it put you on edge.... puts a wedge between you and yourself and the real world; an uneasiness. I mean, you know, you realize. you just had your 'jody fosteresque Golden Globes coming out' (albeit a totally anticlimactic and no where related to being gay). with your own psychiatrist. Hug the Ativan bottle like it's your last and only coping mechanism. Deep Breath. Read on.
If you can relate to any of the above mentioned words, read with caution, Dear GoodReads Reader.
Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See, even though not perfect (by any stretch) has the capacity to pull the rug out from under you; and in an unforgiving, ragged push and yank sort of way. It has the capacity to—no it will, if you are susceptible to it—tear your weak coping mechanisms apart. Various writings have had this effect, but no where near this level. The Bell Jar, the wind up bird chronicle, fault in our stars, and perhaps—in a totally different way— the room. this is visceral . The only physical feeling i can compare this to is a cold, below zero new england night. stepping outside... taking your first breath. your lungs immediately tighten, your chest contracts, and your teeth chatter. Holding your breath for five seconds, you think foolishly that you can retain some splinter of warmth. you exhale much to quickly; your breath turning to ice crystals around your lips and scarf. This moment, the exhale, perfectly describe the effect this book had on me.
THE NARRATIVE!!!! Greyson's was insightful, realistic, delicate, dramatic, harsh, ridged, shallow, triumphant, etc etc. The realness to his experiences (via his own internal dialog and interpretation) was outstanding. sure many of those experiences seemed a bit unbelievable (also broached later in this review), but maybe it was his challenges, his 'illness' that twisted the reality of these events. His narrative was reliable and transcendent. There is a rawness about the sentence structure, a fracturing of sentences that echos Eggers and corresponds to the dread and instability experienced by Greyson. There is a certain flatness and conciseness that resembles i never promised you a rose garden, and a poetry of The God of Small Things, or perhaps more appropriately Lithium for Medea: A Novel.
The story line is one of many separate mini-series.
1. Life growing up
2. life before life becomes disjointed
3. Full blown manic and depressive episodes for three years (where life becomes unrecognizable)
4. crash, burn, explosion..... resulting in shock therapy.
5. recovery and reconstituting his life.
But there are all these split off story-lines. stories within min-series........within episodes...
there is the integration of one's early exposure to bipolar disorder with greyson's current life.
The shuttering realization that life exists beyond your own life.
the meaningfulness of recovery, to you, yourself, and... others.
admitting that, once you fall to far from something, it may be impossible to climb back up.
Then, of course, commercials ; the seam that holds each of the above mentioned units together:
then, to keep up with our little theme we have going here, there are the commercials. these take place in the form of Greyson's hope that he will retain his memory—while undergoing EST—, and the frantic force with which he attempts to horde them. this is some scary shit people.
best part. no Hollywood perfect ending here.
quotes:
"eventually you are nothing more than a suit, a car, and a business card."
"I hate that her headstone has a year on it when she was born and another when she died but only a dash for the life she lived in between".
“Greyson, you are very lucky. Not everyone can feel things as deeply as you. Most people, their feelings are… bland, tasteless. They’ll never understand what it’s like to read a poem and feel almost like they’re flying, or see a bleeding fish and feel grief that shatters their heart. It’s not a weakness, Grey. It’s what I love about you most.”
"pigeons soar and dive overhead, disturbing the phantasmagoric comic stripe told in stain glass"
"but i dont care because i am undergoing single malt baptism".
"dancing across my eyelids: faint blue veins on pale skin. black sky breaks open, dumping yellow stars. counting. wishing. the soft flannel of her good-night"
Re-read and reassessed. you get a perfect five as my prejudice and initial qualms are sidelined.
So there is this book. you just finished it. it leaves you nervous. you realize in the back of your head that you connect to it; connect to it too much. It buzzes inside you like the bees in Greyson's chest, because, after all you can totally relate.
But you read it quietly, even though it put you on edge.... puts a wedge between you and yourself and the real world; an uneasiness. I mean, you know, you realize. you just had your 'jody fosteresque Golden Globes coming out' (albeit a totally anticlimactic and no where related to being gay). with your own psychiatrist. Hug the Ativan bottle like it's your last and only coping mechanism. Deep Breath. Read on.
If you can relate to any of the above mentioned words, read with caution, Dear GoodReads Reader.
Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See, even though not perfect (by any stretch) has the capacity to pull the rug out from under you; and in an unforgiving, ragged push and yank sort of way. It has the capacity to—no it will, if you are susceptible to it—tear your weak coping mechanisms apart. Various writings have had this effect, but no where near this level. The Bell Jar, the wind up bird chronicle, fault in our stars, and perhaps—in a totally different way— the room. this is visceral . The only physical feeling i can compare this to is a cold, below zero new england night. stepping outside... taking your first breath. your lungs immediately tighten, your chest contracts, and your teeth chatter. Holding your breath for five seconds, you think foolishly that you can retain some splinter of warmth. you exhale much to quickly; your breath turning to ice crystals around your lips and scarf. This moment, the exhale, perfectly describe the effect this book had on me.
THE NARRATIVE!!!! Greyson's was insightful, realistic, delicate, dramatic, harsh, ridged, shallow, triumphant, etc etc. The realness to his experiences (via his own internal dialog and interpretation) was outstanding. sure many of those experiences seemed a bit unbelievable (also broached later in this review), but maybe it was his challenges, his 'illness' that twisted the reality of these events. His narrative was reliable and transcendent. There is a rawness about the sentence structure, a fracturing of sentences that echos Eggers and corresponds to the dread and instability experienced by Greyson. There is a certain flatness and conciseness that resembles i never promised you a rose garden, and a poetry of The God of Small Things, or perhaps more appropriately Lithium for Medea: A Novel.
The story line is one of many separate mini-series.
1. Life growing up
2. life before life becomes disjointed
3. Full blown manic and depressive episodes for three years (where life becomes unrecognizable)
4. crash, burn, explosion..... resulting in shock therapy.
5. recovery and reconstituting his life.
But there are all these split off story-lines. stories within min-series........within episodes...
there is the integration of one's early exposure to bipolar disorder with greyson's current life.
The shuttering realization that life exists beyond your own life.
the meaningfulness of recovery, to you, yourself, and... others.
admitting that, once you fall to far from something, it may be impossible to climb back up.
Then, of course, commercials ; the seam that holds each of the above mentioned units together:
then, to keep up with our little theme we have going here, there are the commercials. these take place in the form of Greyson's hope that he will retain his memory—while undergoing EST—, and the frantic force with which he attempts to horde them. this is some scary shit people.
best part. no Hollywood perfect ending here.
quotes:
"eventually you are nothing more than a suit, a car, and a business card."
"I hate that her headstone has a year on it when she was born and another when she died but only a dash for the life she lived in between".
“Greyson, you are very lucky. Not everyone can feel things as deeply as you. Most people, their feelings are… bland, tasteless. They’ll never understand what it’s like to read a poem and feel almost like they’re flying, or see a bleeding fish and feel grief that shatters their heart. It’s not a weakness, Grey. It’s what I love about you most.”
"pigeons soar and dive overhead, disturbing the phantasmagoric comic stripe told in stain glass"
"but i dont care because i am undergoing single malt baptism".
"dancing across my eyelids: faint blue veins on pale skin. black sky breaks open, dumping yellow stars. counting. wishing. the soft flannel of her good-night"
December 10, 2012
I was drawn by the book title, colorful cover, and intriguing blurb. Greyson Todd a successful Hollywood movie executive, and the same skills that made his successful are also the same symptoms of being bipolar. After many years of finding his illness, Greyson sneaks off without a word leaving behind his wife and eight-year old daughter traveling the world engaging in risky encounters as tries to fight the demons within his mind. Another whim has him returning to New York, finding momentary with solace that ends in a nervous breakdown, and a series of electroshock treatments. It is these treatments that shape the format of the book. For each treatment we learn Greyson’s thoughts moments before the treatment, and the memories (storylines) that will be erased by the treatment. We learn the painful memories of his childhood with a manic-depressive father, his relationship with his wife and daughter, his rise to success, and the tales of his travels. Greyson is the only voice we hear, and this element is both the book’s biggest strength and weakness, but you never doubt that Greyson does not want to conquer his mental illness on his own terms. While I found the world travel segments overwhelming with licentious sex, I was always amazed by Greyson’s ability to stay in an imagined character until that trigger moment to move on. The most poignant sections for me was the events leading to the nervous breakout and the aftermath section as hard truths leaves few options for normalcy. This striking debut is often raw and meandering but is never pretentious. This will probably be hard book to read for anyone who has encountered mental illness close up and personal, but it is also a must read for others to understand how we still need to go in the field of mental illness.
January 30, 2013
From the very title, Garey does a superb job of portraying the inner life of a human being living with Bipolar I disorder. For Greyson Todd, life, often, is indeed too bright to hear and too loud to see. In telling Geryson's life story in segmented, choppy bits and pieces (the haphazard, piecemeal nature of this telling itself intentionally and appropriately done), Garey illustrates the conflict and painful confusion between internal and external reality, the maddening over-stimulation, the frightening and dizzying swings between too high and too low.
Garey's decision to tell this story in the first person point of view was brilliant. Rather than merely watching from the outside and observing what it would be like to live like Greyson, the reader, at times, actually feels what Greyson feels; yes, the reader IS Greyson. To be sure, there are places in the story in which the reader is separate from Greyson, where the reader is more objectively watching his experiences. In those moments, though, the reader's connection to the story remains strong. There were many, many times I found myself wanting to quietly (so as not to confuse and scare him) step into Greyson's world and comfort him.
And therein lies the great value of this novel: the compassion for Greyson, for anyone suffering from Bipolar disorder, that Garey evokes in the reader. "But the gesture is everything. It is empathy. Exactly what I want and precisely what I do not deserve." You are wrong, Greyson, for you do deserve empathy. And Juliann Garey skillfully evokes it in her readers.
Garey's decision to tell this story in the first person point of view was brilliant. Rather than merely watching from the outside and observing what it would be like to live like Greyson, the reader, at times, actually feels what Greyson feels; yes, the reader IS Greyson. To be sure, there are places in the story in which the reader is separate from Greyson, where the reader is more objectively watching his experiences. In those moments, though, the reader's connection to the story remains strong. There were many, many times I found myself wanting to quietly (so as not to confuse and scare him) step into Greyson's world and comfort him.
And therein lies the great value of this novel: the compassion for Greyson, for anyone suffering from Bipolar disorder, that Garey evokes in the reader. "But the gesture is everything. It is empathy. Exactly what I want and precisely what I do not deserve." You are wrong, Greyson, for you do deserve empathy. And Juliann Garey skillfully evokes it in her readers.
August 13, 2013
While this book has many flaws, it is also devastating and heart breaking, which is an impressive feat in itself. It is told in snippets as Greyson, a man suffering from bi polar, is treated in a mental institution, his memory flicking back and forth as he is medicated, therapied, and shock treated. The snippets make for a confusing read - the story skips time and events and so is often hard to follow or get lost in - and this is at times rather gimmicky - but the content is still gripping. Though the book is often weak on a sentence level (but also frequently strong as well), there is a fascinating and profound theme centering the trap of DNA that holds us all, and how Greyson went from being an overly sensitive child with an unpredictable, loser, crazy father to a successful Hollywood producer to then someone remarkably like his father. Throughout Greyson's ups and downs, his marriage falls apart but the one constant is his desire to reconcile with his daughter - someone he abandons in a sort of act of love, but never lets her go.
The story is often touching but also deeply disturbing- there were pages I had to skip - and though I pitied Greyson I didn't always root for him. More than anything I was horrified at the prison that is mental illness, and though no novel can ever really capture it, this came, I felt, rather close.
The story is often touching but also deeply disturbing- there were pages I had to skip - and though I pitied Greyson I didn't always root for him. More than anything I was horrified at the prison that is mental illness, and though no novel can ever really capture it, this came, I felt, rather close.
December 11, 2015
If we read to get a real glimpse of what's going on inside the minds of others, than this book should come with a warning, because the mind in this story, the mind of Greyson Todd, a studio executive who had it all turned globe trotter turned mental patient, is a strange and scary place. And many kudos to Garey for rendering it so with an unflinching vivid realism. From epic highs to devastating lows, from struggling to hide it to giving up to it, Greyson's bipolar mind is a terrifying rollercoaster, fascinating and frightening at the same time to behold. Stunning writing only goes to show that even a fairly unsympathetic character can be compelling to follow. Terrific book, very dark, very heavy, but a very intellectually rewarding, emotionally intelligent reading. Recommended.
January 19, 2024
Neat concept, had high hopes for this one. The majority of the book fell flat and was tough to get through. I just kept thinking "man this would be a better read if I had even a shred of empathy for the protagonist." He just didn't earn any of my respect or sympathy so I wasn't rooting for him at all. Until the end. The last 50 pages were the only part worth reading, but I know those also would've been meaningless if not for the drudgery of the rest of the book. 🤷
October 2, 2021
Heart wrenchingly good.
December 26, 2012
Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See by Juliann Garey chronicles the tortured life of Greyson Todd. Greyson suffers from bi-polar disorder, a fact he's tried to keep concealed and resisted for years. In the opening he is successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and daughter. He subsequently spends a decade traveling around the world, his mental health slowly disassembling as his illness progresses unchecked until he ends up in a New York psychiatric hospital.
During the time he is receiving twelve thirty second electroshock treatments, three intertwined timelines in Grayson's life are expertly presented in short chapters. The three timelines include: Greyson as a child/young man dealing with his own father's struggles with mental health; Greyson as a married man and father grappling with his own depression; and the decade of Grayson traveling, when his unrestrained bipolar disorder races toward a manic state.
As Grayson recounts:
"That was fun. While it lasted. But it didn’t. It never does. And now, it—all of it—is too much. Too hot. Too bright to hear. Too loud to see. And with no way to turn it down, there is no sleep, nothing to stop the onslaught. (Location 1960-1963)"
For a debut novel, Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See is certainly a spectacular achievement for author Juliann Garey. It is a real page turner. While reading you know where Grayson is heading, but have no idea of all the agony and turmoil he goes through before he gets to the psych unit. At times it can be a gritty novel. Not only is Grayson full of acrimony, sarcasm, and rage at times, he is also drawn in a self destructive state to lurid places and risky behavior. At the same time, on some level, Grayson knows where he is heading and he is terrified of his fate; juxtaposed to this is Grayson's occasionally witty, acute, and insightful recognition of his actions and situation.
Combining skillful writing and great pacing, Garey made Grayson into a real, compelling character. Even if you are disgusted by his actions, you have sympathy for him because you know he needs help. You know he knows he needs help, on some level, even while he makes a self-destructive run away from getting help or admitting he needs help. Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See is certainly a masterful accomplishment.
Very Highly Recommended - not an easy read but a stunning debut novel
http://shetreadssoftly.blogspot.com/
Disclosure: My Kindle edition was courtesy of Random House's Soho Press and Netgalley for review purposes.
During the time he is receiving twelve thirty second electroshock treatments, three intertwined timelines in Grayson's life are expertly presented in short chapters. The three timelines include: Greyson as a child/young man dealing with his own father's struggles with mental health; Greyson as a married man and father grappling with his own depression; and the decade of Grayson traveling, when his unrestrained bipolar disorder races toward a manic state.
As Grayson recounts:
"That was fun. While it lasted. But it didn’t. It never does. And now, it—all of it—is too much. Too hot. Too bright to hear. Too loud to see. And with no way to turn it down, there is no sleep, nothing to stop the onslaught. (Location 1960-1963)"
For a debut novel, Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See is certainly a spectacular achievement for author Juliann Garey. It is a real page turner. While reading you know where Grayson is heading, but have no idea of all the agony and turmoil he goes through before he gets to the psych unit. At times it can be a gritty novel. Not only is Grayson full of acrimony, sarcasm, and rage at times, he is also drawn in a self destructive state to lurid places and risky behavior. At the same time, on some level, Grayson knows where he is heading and he is terrified of his fate; juxtaposed to this is Grayson's occasionally witty, acute, and insightful recognition of his actions and situation.
Combining skillful writing and great pacing, Garey made Grayson into a real, compelling character. Even if you are disgusted by his actions, you have sympathy for him because you know he needs help. You know he knows he needs help, on some level, even while he makes a self-destructive run away from getting help or admitting he needs help. Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See is certainly a masterful accomplishment.
Very Highly Recommended - not an easy read but a stunning debut novel
http://shetreadssoftly.blogspot.com/
Disclosure: My Kindle edition was courtesy of Random House's Soho Press and Netgalley for review purposes.
January 22, 2013
I cannot believe this was a first book by this author. Juliann Garey demonstrated a beautiful gift of writing. She picked the perfect character in Greyson, a successful movie executive, who just up and walks away from his family and LA studio career. He wanders the world for 10 years, vacillating between living on the edge and barely living because of the depression. Ultimately, he lands in a pscyh hospital and undergoes 12 electroshock therapy, followed by a mind-numbing medication regimen all in an effort to keep his moods from swinging to the extremes. Each of the 12 shock therapy sessions is surrounded with his thoughts of his current situation, his past travels, the Hollywood life he left behind, and the childhood memories of growing up with a bipolar father. It is told somewhat disjointedly, but I think that's representative of how Greyson's mind was firing. And kudos to Ms. Garey for finding such a creative way of portraying that mental chaos.
As the mother of two children afflicted with this disorder, I found the book unsettling. If unstable, 25% of patients commit suicide, their behavior is erratic, dangerous, impulsive, mean and unacceptable in a "normal" society. They are filled with such pain, they self-abuse and wish they were dead. There have been many periods of instability for my kids, particularly, during puberty. Ms. Garey did such a wonderful job of describing what it must be like to be them during those times. The noise that never stops, feeling like Greyson's entire body had been taken over by a vibration or bees buzzing, too much light, too much sound, etc. I have lived with my kids and their diagnoses for 13 years and could not begin to articulate (or really understand) what it is like to experience one of those manic or depressive episodes. Ms. Garey has done a remarkable job of portraying what it is like to be a patient afflicted with this disorder and tells a beautiful (I didn't say happy ending) story of Greyson's battle with it.
As the mother of two children afflicted with this disorder, I found the book unsettling. If unstable, 25% of patients commit suicide, their behavior is erratic, dangerous, impulsive, mean and unacceptable in a "normal" society. They are filled with such pain, they self-abuse and wish they were dead. There have been many periods of instability for my kids, particularly, during puberty. Ms. Garey did such a wonderful job of describing what it must be like to be them during those times. The noise that never stops, feeling like Greyson's entire body had been taken over by a vibration or bees buzzing, too much light, too much sound, etc. I have lived with my kids and their diagnoses for 13 years and could not begin to articulate (or really understand) what it is like to experience one of those manic or depressive episodes. Ms. Garey has done a remarkable job of portraying what it is like to be a patient afflicted with this disorder and tells a beautiful (I didn't say happy ending) story of Greyson's battle with it.
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