My Child Is Trans, Now What?: A Joy-Centered Approach to Support

by Ben V. Greene

A gentle and informative guide for parents of trans youth

As a full-time public speaker specializing in spreading awareness and understanding of the transgender community, what Ben Greene hears most from parents and loved ones is the phrase “I’m sorry.” They’re sorry for using the wrong word, sorry for asking an offensive question, sorry for not knowing this already, sorry for asking a question at all. The combination of exhaustion from trans people who have become their community’s designated educator and the growing trend of “canceling” anyone who says anything wrong has created a culture where people who have good hearts and minimal access to information are so afraid to make a mistake they don’t even try.

In My Child is Trans, Now What? A Joy-Centered Approach to Support, Greene breaks the mold by offering a judgement-free guide to people across generations, from millennial parents to members of older generations who may not have had previous positive exposure to the trans community. Greene focuses on providing two key resources in this information and emotional support. He explains what to expect, what systems exist to support trans youth, and what loved ones can do to help.

Using a combination of personal stories and experiences, definitions, and additional resources, My Child is Trans, Now What? is an essential guide for anyone looking to help trans youth thrive.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Queer, LGBT

224 pages, Hardcover

Published May 7, 2024

Reviews

[DesanaRose · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I am still the same person I was when I was sitting on a stool; I’m just more comfortable in this armchair. There are things that may change, but the person that you know and love is still very much alive—they’re just more comfortable."

This is one of the first quotes in the book that stood out to me. It is so SO important. Your person, your VIP. The person that inspired you to pick up this book is still themselves. They are just living life more comfortably and they deserve that.

This book covers terms, being a advocate, statistics, acronyms, relationships (parental, work, friendship, etc), transitioning, what to do when you don't know what to do....etc.

This book is incredibly well done. It can be utilized by parents, friends, coworkers, etc. I'm so grateful to Ben V. Greene and NetGalley for allowing me to read this book. The message is important and beautiful. Thank you.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had had this book when my son first came out. It's an invaluable guide to a parent of a trans youth. Although my son came out as an adult and I have already pieced together much of the information in this book, I still learned new things. And Greene's emphasis in finding the joy in your relationship with your trans child is a welcome light in an otherwise scary world the haters and bigots are trying to build.

[Dani (piggindani_reads) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Official rating ~ 4.5 ⭐️
The moment I saw this book I had to request it. Having a trans kid, I knew this would be a must have/read.

From the very beginning this blew me away. I love my V.I.P and support them 100% but I know they are going through something I can never fully understand so wanted to make sure I had as much knowledge at my disposal as possible. And this book has given me that and so much more.
Yes, some topics I knew about but it gave me a fresh perspective and even explained things in such a simple yet clever way I now know how best to be there for, not only my VIP, but others I may meet and great examples of how to explain what transgender is/means to my VIP when talking to family members etc ..

It’s filled with advice, helpful techniques & exercises (I love the Joy Exercises) it’s just a wonderful & informative read that I know I’ll refer back to.

I’m giving it 4.5 because one area I didn’t fully agree with. I’ve spent 14 years calling my VIP their original pronoun and the change was a massive adjustment for me so I did slip up a lot. Now I rarely make any mistakes but when I do, it has nothing to do with me not seeing them for who they are it’s because I’m human and make mistakes. That simple. And that did upset.

Other than that this is a fantastic book and I’m so grateful I was able to read it. Thank you so much, NetGalley & Rowman & Littlefield, for the arc.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a helpful positive guide to being a good ally to the gender nonconforming youth in your life. Greene works as a speaker and advocate for the transgender community and shares what he's learned in his professional life, but also in his lived experience as a trans man.

Instead of focusing on how to deal with the haters, Greene focuses on what gender nonconforming youth need to feel safe, healthy, and happy and how us, as adults in their lives, can help them achieve that. Some of the early chapters felt repetitive to me only because I've been involved in allyship for awhile, but Greene helped reframed some of my frustrations when dealing with folks who aren't supportive, so that I'm less likely to lose my cool, or take their outrage and ignorance so personally, and instead focus on caring for the gender nonconforming youth in my life.

I would recommend this to any adult who works with LGBTQIA+ kids or has gender nonconforming kids in their life and wants to be better able to support them.

[Kristi Starmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

well done

A book of helpful information. Everyone should take time to read this book. Knowledge is what you gain and helps your mind expand in helpful loving ways.

[Hannah Moeller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Looking forward to this book! I recently heard Ben speak at a conference. He weaves together personal stories, facts/data, and actionable take-aways with humor and optimism. This book will be a must-read for parents, educators, and anyone who loves a trans or non-binary person.

[Angel · Rating 5 out of 5]

"My Child is Trans, Now What: A Joy Centered Approach to Support" by Ben Greene is a great new resource for anyone with a trans love one. If you have a child, relative, friend, student, etc. who is transgender, get this book!! It is chock-full of information that can help you understand and learn to be an ally or a champion for them.

Transgender means having a gender identity that is different from the one you are biologically assigned at birth. There are trans men and trans women as well as nonbinary, which means having any identity other than exclusively
male or female. You don't need to learn all the varieties of gender, just the ones of the people in your life that matter to you.

Book Sections cover The Coming Out Process, Building Strong Foundations, and Supporting Trans Youth in the World.

The Coming Out part includes basics, coming out to yourself, at home, and in the community.

Building Strong Foundations includes processing your feelings, getting your VIP (trans loved one) mental and emotional support, medical transition, and finding joy.

Supporting Trans Youth in the World: What to Expect and What You Can Do includes understanding current stigma, going to school, accessing healthcare, leaving the nest, going to college and work, and supporting trans youth around the country.

In the end, there is a glossary, an index, acknowledgments, notes, and about the author. Ben Greene is a trans man who is a public speaker and LGBTQ+ Inclusion Consultant.

The most important thing to know is that your trans VIP needs your love and support even if you don't understand it right away.

Another key point for me was that gender identity and gender expression are not the same. Someone doesn't need to dress the way they identify in order to earn that identity. When your trans VIP finally feels like themselves, they will be more comfortable and may have gender euphoria, which is joy in their gender identity.

There is so much information in this book, and all of it is useful to parents of trans children. I'm so grateful for this reference, which came at the perfect time for me!!

Thank you to Netgalley, Rowman and Littlefield Publishing Group, and author Benjamin V. Greene, for providing this e-book ARC so that I could give you my honest review.

[Jenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't say enough good about this book. It was on display at my library, because I live in the best place ever, and I grabbed it right away because I specialize in working with the trans* community as a therapist. The author is a young trans man, and he covers so much through his own experience as well as tons of facts and figures. I've been recommending it to all of my newly-identified trans/NB clients as a sort of "*I'm* trans, now what" support hug. I'm always desperate for trainings that aren't just "use the right pronouns" but actually go into "how hormones impact emotions" or how to get through dysphoria or how to go through the process of coming out to yourself, and this covers that and more, in an extremely accessible format. Even if you don't have a gender-diverse person in your life, or aren't one yourself, this book is essential for understanding something you probably hold at least one wrong idea about.

[William Watts · Rating 4 out of 5]

In my search for books to give to my relatives as good resources, so far this is the best I’ve come across. Texts written by family members of trans people tend to focus on how hard it was for them to accept the trans person and give a little too much grace to the struggle other loved ones are feeling, without focusing on the trans persons feelings very much at all, but most texts written by trans people tend to be about their personal stories which is nice for me to relate to but I was looking for more general advice for family members. This book was the perfect intersection of the two. It’s targeted towards the loved ones but written by a trans person, so we get that advice but with it centered around supporting the trans individual instead of focused so much on coddling the feelings of the family members. I will be recommending my family to read this. Even though I’m 25 and not a child or teen, I feel like this book is a great resource to give to family members.

[Charlotte · Rating 5 out of 5]

We need more books like this. Ben offers readers everything they need to become a better ally, friend, parent, sibling... or just to become the kind of human being the world needs more of. This book is welcoming, and has a lovely mixture of personal experience, examples and practical things that folks can do to make the world a more welcoming place for trans folks.

This is a perfect introduction for people who've not experience at all with being trans. The great part is that there's something in it for everyone to learn... I particularly enjoyed the way that Ben focuses on positive interactions and information.

Please read this book if you are curious, if you have a trans friend, if someone has let you know they are trans - this is a brave, wonderful, joyful and practical resource. I really wish I had read this book back when my friend came out to me as trans. We DEFINITELY would have had a coming out party and a VIP photoshoot for them to express themselves however they wanted!

[Tom Seigel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This important book is eminently practical, accessible, and inspiring. I had the opportunity to hear Ben V. Greene speak, and his writing is true to his voice--well-informed, open, funny, self-deprecating, and unfailingly upbeat. His message is not just for parents of trans youth; it's for everyone who is, or who aspires to be, an ally of the trans community. This book offers a friendly outreach to anyone who wants to learn about the challenges trans folks face and how those challenges can be met in myriad ways, both large and small, through positive engagement. An education for us all and a life-saver for some.

[Cynthia Levin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read book for parents of trans kids or anyone who supports a trans kid: teachers, grandparents, mentors, neighbors...anyone! The best part of this book (and there are many great parts) is the joyful inclusion Ben V. Greene brings to this journey. He's right that we far too often talk about all the bad stuff (depression, suicidal thoughts, etc) that happen if we don't support trans kids, but this book invites us to imagine the beautiful and joyful lives kids can have when they are supported to become healthy, balanced, and authentic trans adults.

[Callie Wade · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book oozes with the authors empathy and passion. I read it coming from a place of already being a part of the LGBTQ+ community, but hoping to gain more insights to be a better ally to my trans loved ones (and the rest of the community as well!). I loved and appreciated that this book would also read very clearly to someone who isn't as familiar with the community as well. This was an absolutely wonderful read.

[Juliet Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I normally use this Goodreads account to keep track of/recommend books for teens and children, I wanted to review this book because it's ABOUT teens and children. Specifically transgender ones!

As a proud trans-parent myself for the past 5 years, I was already familiar with Ben Greene and was so happy when I learned he had written a book. His advice for parents and loved ones of trans kids (he calls them VIPs!) is compassionate, realistic, and based in kindness and love.

[Veronica G · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is excellent for any parent or adult that wants to support a trans person.
Ben V Greene is so welcoming and understanding to people seeking to understand.
He lays out the important information: what a trans person might be thinking or feeling, how to invite school/work/family/friends into this journey, how to everything’s

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read / skimmed this one pretty fast because it was due at the library. I think it's an amazing book, but I also think it's aimed more at people with less comfort with a trans kid than we have. I did still pick up useful tips and highly recommend this one. I love Ben!

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super helpful and insightful book that lays out the ways support manifests. Greene tries hard to focus on the positive, making it a more optimistic read than it really has right to be given the world outside my window.

[Abby Miles · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was excellent and so thoughtfully done.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is an important book to have in a public library. Ours does, and I want to be able to guide parents to finding it. I like that that called the youth 'VIP'. I think mindset is powerful.

[Karan Mirpuri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a great and easy read! I love that Ben includes tangible exercises for readers to celebrate their VIPs and centers joy in every chapter! He provides a very nuanced narrative that considers the perspectives and wellbeing of transgender individuals and their loved ones. Would highly recommend this to anyone hoping to learn more and be a better ally!