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Things I Didn't Expect
Pregnancy is natural, healthy and fun, right? Sure it is, if you're lucky. For others, it's an adventure in physical discomfort, unachievable ideals, kooky classes and meddling experts.When Monica Dux found herself pregnant with her first child, she was dismayed to find she belonged firmly in the second category. For her, pregnancy could only be described as a medium-level catastrophe. So, three years later and about to birth her second child, Monica went on a quest: to figure out what's really going on when we incubate.Things I Didn't Expect is one woman's journey to make sense of the absurdities, the harsh realities, the myths and the downright lies about making babies. Monica explores the aspects of baby-making that we all want to talk about, but which are too embarrassing, unsettling or downright confronting. She also looks at the powerful forces that shape women's experiences of being pregnant in the west, the exploitative industries, and the medical and physical realities behind it all.Along the way, she fends off sadistic maternal health nurses, attempts to expand then contract her vagina, and struggles to keep her baby's placenta off her hippy brother's lunch menu.
272 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2013
3 people are currently reading
66 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
May 9, 2013
This book is good. Like, really, extraordinarily good. This is the book you want to read when you're about to have a baby and you feel like nobody will tell you the truth. Here is that truth, in all its gory detail. Shitting during birth, hating pregnancy, the strange sensation of your life shifting and you transforming into a parent. It's all in here. Monica Dux has written a pregnancy memoir which, with its feminist perspective, is a welcome change from the usual pregnancy tomes. Too many pregnancy books are afraid of scaring women by stating the obvious; pregnancy and raising children is equal parts terrible and terrific. Pregnancy can be wonderful, but it's also torture for many women (all the more so because you're expected to live up to the idea of a glowing, radiant miracle of nature). Dux is able to do justice to this duality, and to talk about the nuance of her experiences adjusting to pregnancy and parenthood.
May 18, 2013
I find very few books to be laugh out loud funny, but this book had me gasping for air. For the mothers out there who were hoping for a pregnancy glow, but instead were a big sweaty mess of hormones, this one’s for you.
In Things I didn't Expect, Monica Dux covers the difficult and embarrassing aspects of baby-making that most mothers experience, but very few of us are willing to talk about. It takes a lot of guts to write a book like this.
While I expected this book to be funny, I was surprised to find other aspects to be genuinely moving. You can’t help but be touched by Dux’s frank and genuine voice when she talks about her experience with miscarriage and also the difficult transition from career woman to mother.
While my eyes did glaze over in some parts, (really, Dux, did we truly need so many pages devoted to the pros and cons of eating a placenta?) this book was for the most part so very entertaining.
In Things I didn't Expect, Monica Dux covers the difficult and embarrassing aspects of baby-making that most mothers experience, but very few of us are willing to talk about. It takes a lot of guts to write a book like this.
While I expected this book to be funny, I was surprised to find other aspects to be genuinely moving. You can’t help but be touched by Dux’s frank and genuine voice when she talks about her experience with miscarriage and also the difficult transition from career woman to mother.
While my eyes did glaze over in some parts, (really, Dux, did we truly need so many pages devoted to the pros and cons of eating a placenta?) this book was for the most part so very entertaining.
August 6, 2017
A bit of a hit and miss memoir about pregnancy and early motherhood. When Dux is good, she's great, funny, feminist, challenging but I also felt like she missed the mark at times. Her neuroses are certainly not my neuroses (a whole chapter on poo in labour was unnecessary, please, it happens, just get over it).
That said, this is one of the better pregnancy books I've read.
3.5
April 26, 2013
Dux is a writer and social commentator whose first book – The Great Feminist Denial – unpacks popular debates around women’s rights and rhetoric. This book does a similar job on pregnancy, examining how something as natural and inevitable as the continuation of the species has become so loaded with politics and contrasting opinion that parents are at a loss as to how to get it ‘right’. Dux breaks the experience of pregnancy and birth into digestible chunks with evocative chapter titles like ‘Puke’, ‘Blokes’ and ‘Down There’. And if you thought Kaz Cooke was candid on matters of a medical nature, you ain’t read nothing yet; you’ll be drawing a map of Dux’s vagina by the end of her chapter on the unspoken impacts of childbirth on a lady’s nether regions. I found this candour confronting in some places, which only goes to show how censored and conservative we continue to be in terms of women’s health and women’s bodies. We are numb to bare boobs on TV, for example, but messy, lactating, breastfeeding boobs? A whole other story. So much writing on motherhood revolves around wistful observations of maternal wonder, or black-humoured self-deprecation. Dux takes a different angle asking how our social conditioning (over thousands of years) has gotten us to where we are today in our treatment of, and discourse around, pregnant women and mothers. It’s a colourful, confusing and contradictory ride!
Each chapter begins with stories from Dux’s own pregnancy experiences. The personal then becomes political as Dux sits subjects like breastfeeding, mothers groups, and the role of the father within historical contexts, reminding us that everything we now think of as normal or correct in a Western pregnancy and birth is only relative to the times we live in. You are probably aware that fathers have only routinely attended births in Australia since the ‘70s, for example – but I didn’t realise that even male doctors were prevented from attending births for most of history. How did obstetrics become such a male dominated field? You probably agree that it’s only right and proper for the modern father to participate in and support labour and birth. But this development is highly unusual and recent on a global scale – many other cultures see birth as a woman-centric process and there may even be some real benefits to women ‘owning’ the delivery of their own babies.
Historical context and an understanding of dominant discourses at a given time or place can take us much further than merely what did or didn’t happen in ‘the olden days’. The heated breast vs bottle debate, for example, is not entirely about what’s ‘best’ for a baby – but what working women could physically manage at different points in history [and I’m talking about medieval farm workers as much as modern corporate achievers] as well as the commercial influence of formula manufacturers. Throw into the mix notions of the ‘done thing’ [Dux is fascinating on the topic of wet nurses for the upper classes], biased research released in the vested interests of various parties, and the potent persuasive power of mother-guilt through the ages. It is fair to question how exactly we got from being supportive sisters to battling harridans throwing about terms like ‘mummy wars’ and ‘breast Nazis’? Turn your outrage towards the patriarchy, my friends, not each other!
These are topics I’ve read or heard about ONE MILLION times since having a baby and Dux gets a major back pat for writing something original in this domain.
The full review of this book can be found at http://thischarmingmum.com
Each chapter begins with stories from Dux’s own pregnancy experiences. The personal then becomes political as Dux sits subjects like breastfeeding, mothers groups, and the role of the father within historical contexts, reminding us that everything we now think of as normal or correct in a Western pregnancy and birth is only relative to the times we live in. You are probably aware that fathers have only routinely attended births in Australia since the ‘70s, for example – but I didn’t realise that even male doctors were prevented from attending births for most of history. How did obstetrics become such a male dominated field? You probably agree that it’s only right and proper for the modern father to participate in and support labour and birth. But this development is highly unusual and recent on a global scale – many other cultures see birth as a woman-centric process and there may even be some real benefits to women ‘owning’ the delivery of their own babies.
Historical context and an understanding of dominant discourses at a given time or place can take us much further than merely what did or didn’t happen in ‘the olden days’. The heated breast vs bottle debate, for example, is not entirely about what’s ‘best’ for a baby – but what working women could physically manage at different points in history [and I’m talking about medieval farm workers as much as modern corporate achievers] as well as the commercial influence of formula manufacturers. Throw into the mix notions of the ‘done thing’ [Dux is fascinating on the topic of wet nurses for the upper classes], biased research released in the vested interests of various parties, and the potent persuasive power of mother-guilt through the ages. It is fair to question how exactly we got from being supportive sisters to battling harridans throwing about terms like ‘mummy wars’ and ‘breast Nazis’? Turn your outrage towards the patriarchy, my friends, not each other!
These are topics I’ve read or heard about ONE MILLION times since having a baby and Dux gets a major back pat for writing something original in this domain.
The full review of this book can be found at http://thischarmingmum.com
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 14, 2013
I am newly engaged. I don't have kids of my own, but I cannot wait to start a family. I am also a speech pathologist at a pediatric clinic, so I work with 0-18 year olds and their families, so books on pregnancy, development, and parenting are a big help in my job.
I enjoyed the fact that the author is Australian, so I felt like she provided a different point of view than an American would. I loved that Monica did not hold back on morning sickness (which I am already dreading), poop, placenta, and lunatics, including doctors, people with too many opinions, and nurses. I felt like she provided an honest review of pregnancy in a hilarious way that many women can relate to. She provided information on a many options, not just on the options she chose for herself. I also like how she included how the father felt and his point of view on the pregnancy. Even though he thought he was suffering, there is no way a man can deny how much a woman goes through after reading this book! It was hilarious, a bit sarcastic, and insightful and I already told two of my pregnant friends about it.
I enjoyed the fact that the author is Australian, so I felt like she provided a different point of view than an American would. I loved that Monica did not hold back on morning sickness (which I am already dreading), poop, placenta, and lunatics, including doctors, people with too many opinions, and nurses. I felt like she provided an honest review of pregnancy in a hilarious way that many women can relate to. She provided information on a many options, not just on the options she chose for herself. I also like how she included how the father felt and his point of view on the pregnancy. Even though he thought he was suffering, there is no way a man can deny how much a woman goes through after reading this book! It was hilarious, a bit sarcastic, and insightful and I already told two of my pregnant friends about it.
November 1, 2013
Ok, first of all I'm not pregnant.
But when I saw this on NetGalley I couldn't resist, why?
Because when you're pregnant and you have all those things and emotions and changes and all you really want to do is to express how miserable you really are, BUT also happy and grateful at the same time. You are looked at with the "you've been trying to get pregnant and now that you are all you do is complain about it" look, that totally accuses you of being ungrateful and undeserving.
But I'm NOT you want to scream, it's just everything, everything, EVERYTHING in me is changing and "news flash" it doesn't get BETTER the third time.
Anyway, back to the book, I totally related to it, because it expressed most of how I felt and what I experienced, in a hilarious and witty way, and the author makes it a little bit personal with her own experience, which only makes us feel a little bit better.
We are not alone.
And I'm probably going to read it again if I ever get pregnant, "again" because I will need the moral support.
This review is for a free copy courtesy of Melbourne University Publishing via NetGalley
But when I saw this on NetGalley I couldn't resist, why?
Because when you're pregnant and you have all those things and emotions and changes and all you really want to do is to express how miserable you really are, BUT also happy and grateful at the same time. You are looked at with the "you've been trying to get pregnant and now that you are all you do is complain about it" look, that totally accuses you of being ungrateful and undeserving.
But I'm NOT you want to scream, it's just everything, everything, EVERYTHING in me is changing and "news flash" it doesn't get BETTER the third time.
Anyway, back to the book, I totally related to it, because it expressed most of how I felt and what I experienced, in a hilarious and witty way, and the author makes it a little bit personal with her own experience, which only makes us feel a little bit better.
We are not alone.
And I'm probably going to read it again if I ever get pregnant, "again" because I will need the moral support.
This review is for a free copy courtesy of Melbourne University Publishing via NetGalley
June 29, 2014
Disclaimer 1: I received this book from Netgally in exchange for an impartial review.
Disclaimer 2: I have never been pregnant, nor do I ever plan to be pregnant.
This book is everything any person, male or female, could want in a pregnancy book. It's honest. It's humorous. It's a true joy to read and I learned so much from it.
Disclaimer 2: I have never been pregnant, nor do I ever plan to be pregnant.
This book is everything any person, male or female, could want in a pregnancy book. It's honest. It's humorous. It's a true joy to read and I learned so much from it.
Read
May 5, 2021An refreshing, funny account of pregnancy and the aftermath! I read a lot of pregnancy related books, but this one felt like a breath of fresh air - confronting the reality of motherhood from conception through to birth, without forgetting the dads! Witty and honest, backed up with sound and interesting research on western (and other) attitudes and historical recounts of the crazy process of becoming a parent. Would recommend over many other books for soon-to-be or shell-shocked new mums needing a laugh.
July 29, 2021
A bit off the mark for my taste. I liked the elements of the author telling it how it really is. However, it is too long and as it is her memoir, quite biased to her personal views of pregnancy and birth, rather than being objective. I’d give it a miss and find a better book if you are pregnant.
January 21, 2018
Really funny, interesting and easy to read
August 10, 2016
While this subject matter is still a little way off, I really enjoyed this book. I've read Dux's previous book (where she paired up with another writer) about feminism, and while intelligent, it didn't have the same personal "spark" that she reveals here.
Dux reveals much about her own experience - of which every pregnancy story is different - she also takes a look at the whole way in which pregnancy is "packaged" to society, especially some of the drawbacks that are rarely discussed, which leave women feeling ashamed of.
However, Dux stops well before making it seem as though pregnancy is a wholly terrible experience - while some might believe she is simply complaining about morning sickness and the way pregnant women are infantalised, there are some complaints that need to be made, and the "shameful" revelations are well balanced with discussing the positives of pregnancy and motherhood (without sounding like a gooey sugary article from the magazines we all hate.)
****UPDATE****
It's now a year later and I've re-read the book in my eight month of pregnancy - yep, much as I don't usually re-read books, I felt it was necessary to revisit this - and it's been incredibly useful (and hilarious).
Obviously, I have the "proper" baby books (Kaz Cooke et al) for the nitty gritties of what I needed to know about having a baby, but this book has helped me a lot with the social experience of being pregnant - the reactions, the questions (is it a boy or a girl? Do you WANT a boy or a girl?) and the things that I'm apprehensive about that just get swept aside by midwives as "It's okay, we're used to it" (even though I'm not.)
While my own personal experiences have been different, having read this book I've felt a lot better and a lot more validated in my choices - as well as reassured I'm not the only one who has found it a bewildering and at times absurd experience.
Dux reveals much about her own experience - of which every pregnancy story is different - she also takes a look at the whole way in which pregnancy is "packaged" to society, especially some of the drawbacks that are rarely discussed, which leave women feeling ashamed of.
However, Dux stops well before making it seem as though pregnancy is a wholly terrible experience - while some might believe she is simply complaining about morning sickness and the way pregnant women are infantalised, there are some complaints that need to be made, and the "shameful" revelations are well balanced with discussing the positives of pregnancy and motherhood (without sounding like a gooey sugary article from the magazines we all hate.)
****UPDATE****
It's now a year later and I've re-read the book in my eight month of pregnancy - yep, much as I don't usually re-read books, I felt it was necessary to revisit this - and it's been incredibly useful (and hilarious).
Obviously, I have the "proper" baby books (Kaz Cooke et al) for the nitty gritties of what I needed to know about having a baby, but this book has helped me a lot with the social experience of being pregnant - the reactions, the questions (is it a boy or a girl? Do you WANT a boy or a girl?) and the things that I'm apprehensive about that just get swept aside by midwives as "It's okay, we're used to it" (even though I'm not.)
While my own personal experiences have been different, having read this book I've felt a lot better and a lot more validated in my choices - as well as reassured I'm not the only one who has found it a bewildering and at times absurd experience.
August 22, 2013
This book is not entirely what I was expecting (ha, see what I did?) when I started it: I thought it would be more of a comic memoir of pregnancy. It is that, but there's so much more to it and I was pleasantly surprised to see that Monica has woven in research about the Western culture of pregnancy, with references to our social mores, feminism and the effect of pregnancy and childbirth on our identities and relationships.
It's a book for women who've perhaps already had children and questioned their changing identity, and want to put their experiences in a cultural framework. It's very thought provoking, and funny!
It's a book for women who've perhaps already had children and questioned their changing identity, and want to put their experiences in a cultural framework. It's very thought provoking, and funny!
March 23, 2013
I have never been pregnant nor am I right now. But I have several nieces and nephews so I have heard about the joys and downfalls that happen during pregnancy. This book had a good balance of humor and factual information which I really enjoyed. Each chapter was about a different topic/aspect of being pregnant, and the length of the chapters was perfect so that I did not get bored with it or feel like something was left out. All women, and men, would be able to learn something from and enjoy this book as a fun read.
August 17, 2014
I was recommended to read this book by a friend, bought it and promptly forgot about it in the deluge of small business marketing books I forced myself to wade through.
A quiet moment on a flight, I took it out and was hooked. I felt that it really explored the whole complexity of birth choices in significant detail. It perhaps lost a bit of steam over the years it took to write, but in a way that was a virtue as it highlighted how different each experience can be and how it can inform a change of opinion over the years.
A must-read for the pregnant woman, I say!
A quiet moment on a flight, I took it out and was hooked. I felt that it really explored the whole complexity of birth choices in significant detail. It perhaps lost a bit of steam over the years it took to write, but in a way that was a virtue as it highlighted how different each experience can be and how it can inform a change of opinion over the years.
A must-read for the pregnant woman, I say!
July 30, 2013
Frank, gory and unflinching examination of the more taboo aspects of pregnancy, birth and new motherhood. Probably not recommended reading for anyone new to and overly anxious about this process but it provides some nice moments of recognition for veterans!
April 28, 2013
A hilarious read that combines Monica's experiences with those of her friends and some light social history to provide a well balanced view of pregnancy.
October 24, 2013
This book raises awareness while entertaining.
October 31, 2013
Best pregnancy book ever!
June 20, 2014
Hilariously funny, and a little scary for any who have yet to go through pregnancy... Great read :)
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews