Mittens

by Phoenix Baker

My name is Nina Bailey, and for the past few years I've had a growing crush on my best friend, Samantha. This is the story of how we became lovers, after a tipsy conversation in which I revealed a little too much about my bedroom habits - but that's not the interesting part.

I should tell you that Samantha is the only real, actual, no-kidding-around genius that I've ever known. She's an electronics engineer by day, mad tinkerer and occasional inventor by night - a bespectacled, crazy-haired, absent-minded scatterbrain whose house smells of solder and stray voltage. She is beautiful, intimidatingly intelligent, unnervingly strong, and perhaps more than a little eccentric. She is in love with me, and wants to do whatever will make me happy.

I know, right? Lucky Nina, smug and grinning. But wait - it gets better. And a good bit weirder, too.

What makes me happy is physical and psychological torture. I love to be scared, bared, smitten, bitten, stripped, whipped, deprived, depraved and degraded - but what I love most of all is to be frightened. I mean serious, bone-deep, fight-or-flight terrified. My biggest erogenous zones are my adrenal glands, and Sam sure as hell knows how to make them squirt.

So, what happens to poor, frightened little Nina, when she has a full-time mad scientist constantly figuring out wonderfully twisted and inventive punishments?

Mad things. Scary things. Things I wouldn't have thought of in a thousand years. Things that would never have crossed the minds of anyone but Sam.

Things that are wickedly, deliciously cruel.

Things that make me ecstatic just to be alive.

Things involving mittens.

Genres: Erotica, BDSM, Romance, Queer, Fiction, LGBT, Humor

84 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 26, 2013

About the author

Hello! I write smut. Or rather, I write happy, sex-positive stories that aren't afraid of the occasional bit of blatant humanity. When was the last time you saw a character in a novel stop mid-sentence to sneeze? Or walk into a room, immediately forget what the hell she went in there for, and wander around for a minute trying to remember what she was doing? These little malfunctions are a part of being alive, and I think we need to see more of them in our fiction. I hope that you enjoy my stories about malfunctioning humans who fall in love and do really weird things to each other.

About me:
I am kept warm and dry by a beautiful redhead, who keeps me in a little hutch at the bottom of her garden. I write my stories in the dirt with a stick, and then I sit on them until they hatch into ebooks. I give those ebooks to Amazon, and then people send me shiny pennies by abstracting them into ones and zeroes and pushing them to me through a big hose. I don't properly understand how it works, but it lets me buy more carrots, so that's okay.

Amazon told me to write a proper biography like the guy who wrote "Angela's Ashes," but he uses his real name and has won awards, and he probably writes using a computer or something, not a stick. I haven't won any awards.

Reviews

[lov2laf · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's not often an erotica novella could be described as amusing, quirky, and...yes, erotic, but this one fits that bill. This first book is also free on Amazon and it's decently written so, if you're looking for a short erotic f/f read, go for it.

"Mittens" is the story of Nina and Samantha, two best friends who realize they are much more to each other and waste no time in moving their relationship to the next level. The storyline is primarily sexual but the strong emotional background of the characters makes this more substantial than an empty "Plot, what plot?". Add to the mix that Samantha is a geeky science tinkerer and Nina is a submissive kinkster and their fusion is entertaining to say the least. For those who are interested, this story has both vanilla sex and light BDSM...and it sounds like (though don't quote me on this) the more intense quirkier, kinkier aspects are to be followed up in books 2, 3, & 4 (those you have to pay for).

I put this in the high 3 stars and recommend.

[Kara · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Mittens: A story about two women falling in love and doing really weird things to each other” is funny, tender, sensuous and very very sexy!

Is spanking sexy? Or is it just something that they put in porno films so that you can tell if your audio is properly synced up? Like a clapboard, only made out of butts.”

I wonder just how conductive my fluids are?, Samantha considers as she wipes down her keyboard and mouse.

Thoughts like this constantly consume analytical Samantha as she considers the nature of human sexuality. Her longtime BFF Nina, however, is far more interested in the physical nature of sex.

The book begins the day after Nina has confided numerous sexual fantasies to Samantha during a drunken and very candid conversation. Both girls realize that they love each other, and have for a long time. Cyber chat sex ensues, and soon after, Nina earns a toaster oven with a very happy Samantha.

Their domination roleplay is sweet, funny and smexy as hell! Not only is Samantha brilliant, by the way, she’s also an expert martial artist with a kickass hard body, of course! Throughout the book, Nina expresses her very very considerable appreciation of Sam’s mind AND body.

5* for certain! I wish there were an audiobook available…the formatting of this book doesn’t play well with VoiceDream, and it’s important to avoid distractions while appreciating the wordplay!

The author, Phoenix Baker, writes this about herself in her bio, and it describes the book very well:

I read a lot of porn.

No, really, an awful lot. Like, whoa. Too much, by most people's standards. But I never really read much porn that scratched my particular itches; I wanted something funny, something lighthearted and optimistic and full of real people with real quirks and humanity, something that'd make me go "Awww" as well as "Ahh!" - so I ended up writing some myself.

I write the sort of porn that I'd like to read.

I like to read porn where characters stop mid-sentence to sneeze. I like to read porn where people go into a room and immediately forget what they went in there for. I want to read, just once, a porn story where the protagonist is in line at the movie theater concession stand, reciting to herself "Don't say large cockporn, don't say large cockporn" and then she gets to the counter and says "Large cockporn please" and when the cashier says "Enjoy the movie" she replies with "You too" and she can never go back there again. I think these little malfunctions are what makes us human, and I enjoy reading them and writing them - I think they're essential.

I want to read a porn story where one of the characters has a paraphilia that neither I nor the other character can understand. I want their love for each other to translate into solving the problem of "How do I express my love for this person physically?" Physical problems being overcome or worked-around via love and communication and understanding is a big deal, to me - so I like to write about people with really weird kinks, or people with quirks that make what most people think of as "sex" borderline-impossible. The fun, for me, lies in answering the question "How will they make love?"

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sweet erotic short that hit the right spot for me, it had a fun undertone that had me smiling all the while strangely excited. It felt engaging and almost interactive the way the story is told by mixing telling, thought, texting and speech - making the story flow smoothly along. There is some kinky dialogue and a hint of different kinds of fetishes, just enough to spark the imagination with all sorts of weirdly hot stuff. It's short and since they're already friends of 10 years the relationship is supposed to already be there, but we do get to see the tipping point into lovers. However, it does come forth through interaction that they know each other well, skipping the drudgery telling all the while. The pairing is really good too, I liked the dynamic and believe it has potential for some truly electrifying stuff.

There isn't much repetitive tiring sex to speak of. Instead it's one long hot foreplay sprinkled with love and sex, basically a bit of a tease being 1/4 short stories. I wanted to see the really weird stuff, but I suppose I already got more than I wished for. Enjoyed it a whole lot! (First short is free<3)

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

This review was first posted on my blog HERE.

My first ever f/f romance that I incidentally started only because my boyfriend dared me to try this genre due to my recent love for m/m romance. And now I don't actually know whether I started with the wrong story or f/f romance isn't actually for me or f/f erotica isn't really my cuppa and f/f slowburn romance would be my cuppa ... I don't think I'm ready to delve into this odd world very soon.

But about this story.

For an erotica story of long time friends becoming lovers at long last, it sure had a lot of "I love you's" thrown in. Enough is enough! I didn't really bother checking how many times it was said, but there were so many "I love you's" thrown around that they made me groan every time the next one arrived.

I wasn't really fond of either of the heroines. I didn't understand them in the slightest ... oh okay, maybe I understood the part that they're oh so very wet that they're practically dripping their bodily juices/fluids for each other and despite the fact that for one of them it was a new experience, I didn't really see any of the doubt of "WTH am I doing" creep in despite the whole mistress and servant thingy going on. By the way, Nina calling Sam a"mistress"? Very creepy in my opinion!

But the thing that disappointed me the most about this story? The title does not make any sense because we never got to the part where mittens are involved and I highly doubt that I'll grab the next part in the series too see when they finally do talk about mittens. Luckily for me the first episode in this who knows how long serial was free on Amazon so I didn't have to pay for this disappointing experience/experiment.

[Luce]

Its just not for me.

[Ellen Dominick · Rating 4 out of 5]

>Samantha: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. That is a line in this story. In an instant messenger chat. Is that both hilarious and awkward? Yes. Does it get even geekier? Yes, oh goodness yes.

Mittens is the story of two best female pals who become, as pals are wont to do in erotica, a bit more than pals. The whole story begins when Nina drunkenly tells Samantha about her BDSM longings. Samantha, being a dork and a little slow on the uptake, starts methodically plotting how she can help her friend achieve her desires.

Of course, Nina is actually in love with Sam, but Sam doesn't know. It's not until a steamy, awkward, and kind of romantic instant messaging session (yes, the one quoted above) that they realize their love for one another. The real fun starts after that.

>Lost in thought, she'd [Sam] been brushing her teeth for a full six minutes.

Let's get this straight, this isn't your typical erotica. There are moments like the above that are almost deliberately unsexy. Phoenix injects the whole story with moments of realism, silliness, and sometimes downright absurdity.

You could say that this is an erotic comedy, getting you all heated up and cracking up in equal measure. So this isn't for you if you want a story with beautiful perfect people having rockstar sex together. Sam is a martial arts trained science geek who could crush your neck with her thighs. Nina is a shy lesbian with blooming interests in BDSM and a fetish for Radioshack. These are not exactly your average sex starlets.

Mittens is for the geeks and the nerds. They gotta have sex too.

A lot of times, even most of the time I loved the quirkiness. The love story felt real, and sweet, and reminded me of my own experiences exposing kink for the first time. As a self professed geek I loved the DIY vibrator that Sam makes for Nina. And who doesn't love a cat named after the Higgs Boson?

>"Hunuh!" said Samantha. "Nuhnuhnuhnuhnuh!" "Really?" "Hebene!" Nina grinned. "That so?"

But then there were times like this. Things just went over the top, and it started to feel like watching really awkward and embarrassing amateur porn. It was just a bit too intimate. Most of the time these moments were short, but sometimes it really felt like it went on forever.

Luckily, there is so much to like about this book that I ignored these scenes and soldiered on.

>Nina growled, cords standing out on her neck, pajamas damp with sweat. In her mind's eye, Samantha held Nina's hair tightly in one hand, grinding her cunt into Nina's face - her labia enveloping Nina's nose, leaving slick trails between her eyes and over her lips. In Nina's fantasy, Samantha gripped her hair with both hands and used her, like Nina used the Special Toy right now.

One of those things is the hotness, of course. There were so many good quotes that I wanted to show you guys that it was hard to choose. There were sweet moments, romantic moments, thoughtful moments, and raunchy moments. Something for everyone.

Was it hot? Yes. Even through all the cute and the joking, Mittens can stand on its own when it comes to steaminess.

When I finished Mittens I felt a mixture of emotions. I was a little miffed that the mystery of the mittens is never explained. I was interested in what will happen to Sam and Nina from here on out. I was also just pleased to have read a good story.

[Alicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short read if you like reading about someone learning about be kinky this might be for you if not don't bother.

Oh by the way it's free on Amazon

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's rare to find someone who can write 'real' erotica (that is featuring such real people) and still make it hot. Maybe there's hope for us real people after all!

[Tanager Leigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

At first, I was really liking this book. Samantha and Nina have been friends for a long time, each secretly harboring a kernel of infatuation for the other. This book takes up at the point where they discover that their interests are mutual. I really liked the nerdiness of this book. I was excited and convinced that there was to be interesting and creative sexual exploits...

I can understand and appreciate that people are playing with Amazon's policies searching for a way to earn money from their hard authorial efforts. This author chose to hook readers with a free first part. There are three more parts to make this a complete story (I guess) for which I will need to pay if I find that I enjoy this book. Unfortunately, I have not been convinced.

The creative sexual exploits, it turns out, did not really happen in this part of the story. They were alluded to, promised, but this was mostly just a happy falling-in-love sex-romp. The sex scene was fairly well written and interesting, but it was too long. How could that be? Often a reader will fill the cracks of their busy lives with short snippets of literary escapism. A sex scene (generally, of course) should fall into a unit of that snippet of life. If it must span across a number of those snippets, well... the sex scene just becomes a little tedious. So, I found myself returning to the tale and thinking, "OK... what was happening ? Oh yeah! Nipples - hard, fingers - inserted, breathing - hard, building up towards that 3rd orgasm. woo." (skim, skim, skim).

So, should I pay a dollar for the next 27 pages? Part 2 of 4? Hmm... maybe there will be a discount bundle sometime in the future. Until then, I'll pass. And that is despite the fact that Yes! I want to know what is up with these mittens. But I don't want to end up skimming 27 pages of the mechanics of building to an orgasm which, by the way, occurs in every romance / erotica novel that one reads.

My apologies to the author for inserting my rant in a review of her novel, because I DO appreciate the exploration for a lucrative model for authors and I DO appreciate her quirky characters.

[Aղցela W. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spoiler Ahead This was a pretty good book. This was a short quick read. I don't read a lot f/f because many of the books don't have good storylines too me. Nina Bailey has had a crush on her best friend Samantha for the past few years. Nina is also a masochist she likes pain and to be frightened. Nina drunkenly tells Samantha about her BDSM fantasies Samantha being a little slow starts planning and plotting how she can help her friend achieve her desires. I really liked both of these characters they were both kind of corky in there own way. This was my first time reading this author and although this book had a few minor errors I am looking forward to reading more of her work.

[Sheila · Rating 5 out of 5]

Humorous look at Samantha and Nina as they begin a relationship. Samantha has never done kink and Nina is afraid she might have lost Samantha when she tells her about her desires. I liked their IM and how they let us know this is only the beginning.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sexy and Unusual

Friends-to-lovers, sexy nerd, domination, and kinky experimentation all wrapped up in a F/F package. Lesbian erotica is not my usual read, but I was intrigued by the mittens and the "really weird things." Got a hint of one and a small dose of the other. Definitely worth a look.

[Jude · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay......

OK, I have to admit, the first couple sentences almost out me off but I'm so glad I kept going. This is a warm, funny and super sexy story! All I could picture was Sheldon and Bernadette from Big Bang Theory ?!?! (Not sure where that came from...?). Anyway, I highly recommend this story and I can't wait to read more from this author!!!

[C · Rating 3 out of 5]

Introductions

This has plenty of angst inside the pages. It's going to take you through all the motions in a newly discovered facet to an older relationship and everything that comes with it. I think the followup stories will have more depth.

[Gwen Towse · Rating 1 out of 5]

Boring

Boring no story no anything just boring for fed up quite early so stopped reading. Yes so two women find out they fancy each other well give it a bit more anything

[Stellar Space · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Fun but Serious Romance!

It's actually a cute, sexy, and silly but serious romance with BDSM elements.

It was fun to read.

I enjoyed it and I think you will too.

[Jim Lyon · Rating 4 out of 5]

One definite advantage of the proliferation of self-published ebooks is the tremendous diversity of naughty books now available to readers. No longer is the selection of erotic books on the market limited to genres and themes deemed by publishers to have the potential to sell enough copies to justify the expense of printing and distribution. Certainly niche books such as Phoenix Baker’s Mittens would not have stood a snow ball’s chance in Hell of being published in days past.

Like many erotic novellas, Mittens is basically a vignette focusing on a sexually charged episode rather than a fully developed story with a substantive plot and a clearly defined beginning, middle, and end. Nevertheless, it is an interesting, erotic and, in parts, amusing read that details the sudden transition of a relationship between long-time best friends Samantha and Nina to lovers, despite Samantha previously having no inkling of her propensity for being bisexual. That the overindulgence of alcohol – social lubricant extraordinaire – precipitated Nina confessing not just her love for Samantha, but her desire to be dominated and sexually humiliated by her, has a ring of truth that almost everyone can relate to on some level.

Purportedly this story is based on the author’s own experience with her current life partner. As the story unfolds it definitely has a feel of authenticity to it. The narrative meanders from awkward and timid moments to raging lust to giggling camaraderie to deep introspection, sometimes within a single paragraph.

Curiously, this story does not as yet involve mittens – perhaps it will in possible sequels – other than a brief reference in Samantha’s inner dialogue as she contemplates how she can help her friend experience her fantasy of extreme objectification. The somewhat geeky mad scientist Samantha envisions securing oven mitt-like devices on Nina to reduce her to the level of an animal, in addition to eliminating her ability to speak for the same reason.

Although it is clear that BDSM will be a part of the sexual side of their relationship, during the course of this story that doesn't materialize significantly. At the onset of their first liaison, Samantha convincingly assumes a scary persona to accommodate Nina’s fantasies and manages to trigger a spectacular orgasm simply by threatening to subject Nina to an extremely degrading act. All indications are that future developments along those lines will not necessarily adhere to customary D/s lifestyle activities, but rest assured kinkiness will prevail.

Reviewed by Jim Lyon
Wordwooze.tumblr.com

[Susannah Shepherd · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more than I actually did: it's well-written and sexy, so it may be that I'm not the best target audience for the work (I'm not a huge reader of F/F or D/s). What I did really like is that the characters are quirky and feel real, not stereotypes. I really liked the way Sam was drawn (awkward genius geeky women are rarely well written) and her responses to moving outside her sexual comfort zone. I think I would have liked this work more if some of the geeky kink promises were actually delivered on. I want to see the souped-up toys in action, not just hear about it!

[Shiloh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow...

Oh, fuck.
Am I allowed to be vulgar? Because good heavens. This is hot. It's weird, yes, but hot. I must admit that I like the drawn out anticipation. Make someone wait to get that release their looking for. It was painful at points but I think that was intentional. 4.5 stars for making me almost burst.

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good funny story

Picked this up on a whim with the 2nd story too and oddly intrigued with the sex part done in a mixture of Nina's plain speak and Samantha's analytical way but still fun

[Dax · Rating 4 out of 5]

Surprisingly funny and adorable.

[Lorraine Bray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great quick read. Loved it

This was a cute funny and eye opening book. For myself it helped me understand what I am.looking for. Pleasant reads