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I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales From a Happy Life Without Kids
You'll Change Your Mind.
That’s what everyone says to Jen Kirkman— and countless women like her—when she confesses she doesn’t plan to have children. But you know what? It’s hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control. Parenthood can be very rewarding, but let’s face it, so are margaritas at the adults-only pool.
Jen’s stand-up routine includes lots of jokes about not having kids (and some about masturbation and Johnny Depp), after which complete strangers constantly approach her and ask, “But who will take care of you when you’re old?” (Servants!) Some insist, “You’d be such a great mom!” (Really? You know me so well!)
Whether living rent-free in her childhood bedroom while trying to break into comedy (the best free birth control around, she says), or taking the stage at major clubs and joining a hit TV show— and along the way getting married, divorced, and attending excruciating afternoon birthday parties for her parent friends—Jen is completely happy and fulfilled by her decision not to procreate.
That’s what everyone says to Jen Kirkman— and countless women like her—when she confesses she doesn’t plan to have children. But you know what? It’s hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control. Parenthood can be very rewarding, but let’s face it, so are margaritas at the adults-only pool.
Jen’s stand-up routine includes lots of jokes about not having kids (and some about masturbation and Johnny Depp), after which complete strangers constantly approach her and ask, “But who will take care of you when you’re old?” (Servants!) Some insist, “You’d be such a great mom!” (Really? You know me so well!)
Whether living rent-free in her childhood bedroom while trying to break into comedy (the best free birth control around, she says), or taking the stage at major clubs and joining a hit TV show— and along the way getting married, divorced, and attending excruciating afternoon birthday parties for her parent friends—Jen is completely happy and fulfilled by her decision not to procreate.
224 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 16, 2013
132 people are currently reading
6587 people want to read
About the author
Jen Kirkman
7 books166 followersJennifer Ann "Jen" Kirkman is an American stand-up comedian, television writer and actress. She is known for her regular appearances as a round-table panelist on Chelsea Lately, as well as for her appearances on the Funny or Die sketch series Drunk History and its 2013 continuation television series on Comedy Central.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 654 reviews
April 19, 2013
This woman could have saved herself a lot of trouble if she would just get up some gumption and tell people "Children aren't for me" and cultivate her eat shit and die look.
It works for me.
It works for me.
June 2, 2013
I have a kid, and I love him madly, but I have never once tried to convince someone else to become a mother. Wait. That's not true. I tried to convince an aunt to have a baby when she first got married, but I was still a kid and didn't know any better. Since I've been a mother, though, no way. I know how hard it is, and I respect a woman who knows it's not for her. I always say that unless you have a burning desire to have a child, you probably shouldn't do it. Because it's HARD. Because there is little else I can think of that comes with so much responsibility and so little control.
I'm glad Kirkman is happy with her choice, and I'm sorry she's been so badgered by other people that she's had to write a book to defend herself. She's funny and wry, and I enjoyed reading the book (despite my status as a breeder). I know the book wasn't written for my benefit, though, and I hope that women who feel the same was a Kirkman--and who are made to feel defensive about it--find some wisdom and strength in her humor.
I'm glad Kirkman is happy with her choice, and I'm sorry she's been so badgered by other people that she's had to write a book to defend herself. She's funny and wry, and I enjoyed reading the book (despite my status as a breeder). I know the book wasn't written for my benefit, though, and I hope that women who feel the same was a Kirkman--and who are made to feel defensive about it--find some wisdom and strength in her humor.
May 8, 2013
I absolutely loved this book. I'm childfree, and almost everything that Kirkman wrote about kids or parents could have been written by me. So many things she talked about mirror my own experiences and feelings.
My only issue is the title - I feel like the childfree women I know feel that they need to put themselves down as part of their defense. "I'd be a terrible mother", or "I'm too selfish." You know what? I'd be a great mother. I love kids, I'm great with them - I just don't WANT them. However, that's not a good enough reason for the people who think you should have kids, so women tend to find fault with themselves. It just bothers me.
My only issue is the title - I feel like the childfree women I know feel that they need to put themselves down as part of their defense. "I'd be a terrible mother", or "I'm too selfish." You know what? I'd be a great mother. I love kids, I'm great with them - I just don't WANT them. However, that's not a good enough reason for the people who think you should have kids, so women tend to find fault with themselves. It just bothers me.
August 10, 2013
I feel bad rating this book as I did. Because I like Jen Kirkman. A lot. I like her on Chelsea Lately. I liked her telling drunk stories. From how she presents herself and her views and musical interests I think we'd get on famously were we to ever drink together.
So I wanted to enjoy this book. I really wanted to. And I did for a bit. The first part of the book bumps along at a normal pace for memoirs, rehashing the early years with snarky realness. Then the book got to its point: Jen doesn't want kids. And 8 chapters later she still doesn't want kids. And the world really wants her to have kids and judges her for not wanting kids. And so on. While these never ending chapters have some funny anecdotes and lines, it gets so repetitious.
DISCLAIMER: I am a man. I'm in a fairly progressive social circle where some of my female friends have comfortably declared their lack of desire to reproduce. So I just may not have the experience to understand how relentless the pressure and judgment may be for a woman to produce kids. If you are a woman and don't want kids and have faced this issue through your adult years, you may very well love this book.
But for me, well I finished it. I hope that's enough.
So I wanted to enjoy this book. I really wanted to. And I did for a bit. The first part of the book bumps along at a normal pace for memoirs, rehashing the early years with snarky realness. Then the book got to its point: Jen doesn't want kids. And 8 chapters later she still doesn't want kids. And the world really wants her to have kids and judges her for not wanting kids. And so on. While these never ending chapters have some funny anecdotes and lines, it gets so repetitious.
DISCLAIMER: I am a man. I'm in a fairly progressive social circle where some of my female friends have comfortably declared their lack of desire to reproduce. So I just may not have the experience to understand how relentless the pressure and judgment may be for a woman to produce kids. If you are a woman and don't want kids and have faced this issue through your adult years, you may very well love this book.
But for me, well I finished it. I hope that's enough.
November 24, 2013
About halfway through the book I lost count of how many times I thought "SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP ALREADY." And it being an audiobook, this was both impossible and ironic.
You know what else is ironic? How many different ways she finds to attempt to lead the reader into believing that reproductive evangelists, babies seemingly permanently affixed to their nipples, are constantly tracking her down and trying to convert her to Team Breeder. Given how insecure and insufferable this woman is even to listen to on an audiobook, I'd find it easier to believe that the Mommy n Me groups of Greater LA banded together and funded a billboard saying Jen Kirkman-- we hear you, and we agree. You should not have kids. Please board up your uterus.
How is this woman a writer for a comedy show? She is not funny. You're not funny, Jen Kirkman.
You know what else is ironic? How many different ways she finds to attempt to lead the reader into believing that reproductive evangelists, babies seemingly permanently affixed to their nipples, are constantly tracking her down and trying to convert her to Team Breeder. Given how insecure and insufferable this woman is even to listen to on an audiobook, I'd find it easier to believe that the Mommy n Me groups of Greater LA banded together and funded a billboard saying Jen Kirkman-- we hear you, and we agree. You should not have kids. Please board up your uterus.
How is this woman a writer for a comedy show? She is not funny. You're not funny, Jen Kirkman.
December 7, 2012
e-galley provided on Edelweiss by Simon & Schuster
3.5 stars
Waaaay back when I started in the library biz (mid 70s), there was a book by Shirley Radl titled MOTHER'S DAY IS OVER that caused quite a stir among patrons and staff (it was based on the Ann Landers survey that resulted in 70% saying they wouldn't have kids again). I read it and while I won't say it influenced my final decision 8 years later, it did make me realize just what was involved with raising a kid and I seemed to know even then that I didn't have a maternal bone in my body. Flash forward 38 years later and I'm childfree and fairly pleased with my decision--well sure, there are those brief moments, but they are, well, very very brief...
I've never really talked about it and only once was I ever told it was "selfish" of me not to have kids so I never felt I had to explain my decision; however, Jen Kirkman received so many mean-spirited comments that she had to constantly defend her decision, and that brought on some fairly strident and strong judgments from Jen. I did like the book but have to admit there were times Kirkman's humor got a little shrill and over the top, but then she does work as a comedy writer for Chelsea Handler whose humor I can only take in short doses.
This is a quick easy read for those who are thinking of not having kids or know they don't want any, and may find it somewhat validating. Those who like the books by Handler (ARE YOU THERE VODKA, IT'S ME CHELSEA and CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG) will probably like Kirkman's somewhat crass humor and stories a little more than I did.
3.5 stars
Waaaay back when I started in the library biz (mid 70s), there was a book by Shirley Radl titled MOTHER'S DAY IS OVER that caused quite a stir among patrons and staff (it was based on the Ann Landers survey that resulted in 70% saying they wouldn't have kids again). I read it and while I won't say it influenced my final decision 8 years later, it did make me realize just what was involved with raising a kid and I seemed to know even then that I didn't have a maternal bone in my body. Flash forward 38 years later and I'm childfree and fairly pleased with my decision--well sure, there are those brief moments, but they are, well, very very brief...
I've never really talked about it and only once was I ever told it was "selfish" of me not to have kids so I never felt I had to explain my decision; however, Jen Kirkman received so many mean-spirited comments that she had to constantly defend her decision, and that brought on some fairly strident and strong judgments from Jen. I did like the book but have to admit there were times Kirkman's humor got a little shrill and over the top, but then she does work as a comedy writer for Chelsea Handler whose humor I can only take in short doses.
This is a quick easy read for those who are thinking of not having kids or know they don't want any, and may find it somewhat validating. Those who like the books by Handler (ARE YOU THERE VODKA, IT'S ME CHELSEA and CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG) will probably like Kirkman's somewhat crass humor and stories a little more than I did.
January 7, 2015
Book #12 for 2014
I remember back in the old days of the Web, Amazon was tinkering with its recommendations programming. Having determined that I was a female of childbearing age, it persisted in recommending to me nothing but Barney videos, Playskool toys, and books with titles like Everybody Poops. After several weeks of steadfastly declining any and all of these recommendations, Amazon finally got a clue. Just one, though, because it then started recommending I read nothing but lesbian erotica. I have nothing against readers of lesbian erotica, but I am not one (I don't even like straight erotica), and I resent the implications that a) the categories of "mommy" and "lesbian" are mutually exclusive, and b) these are the only two identifiable categories of female between the ages of 18 and 35. I probably don't have to tell you that I didn't buy anything from Amazon for quite some time.
I am finally old enough that people have quit telling me that I'll change my mind about having kids. They do still tell me I will regret it someday, though, and people who don't know me well simply assume that I already have kids. So the assumption that as a straight female I must of course need a child in order to be a whole and happy human being still rankles. Thus it should not surprise you that this title appealed to me.
This was amusing and hit on a lot of the things that bug the hell out of me about smug motherly types. Jen's voice put me in mind of Tina Fey's at times, but she was still a little lacking in the polish that comes with more life experience. I also thought Jen got a little rambling and repetitive at times. Still, it's nice that somebody with a sense of humor tackled this topic. I would recommend this to others who, like me, are child-free by choice and want a little validation. I might have given it four stars instead of just three if I felt like it would do any good to recommend this to somebody who doesn't understand our perspective and would gain insight from reading it. It's more of a preachin' to the choir kind of book.
I remember back in the old days of the Web, Amazon was tinkering with its recommendations programming. Having determined that I was a female of childbearing age, it persisted in recommending to me nothing but Barney videos, Playskool toys, and books with titles like Everybody Poops. After several weeks of steadfastly declining any and all of these recommendations, Amazon finally got a clue. Just one, though, because it then started recommending I read nothing but lesbian erotica. I have nothing against readers of lesbian erotica, but I am not one (I don't even like straight erotica), and I resent the implications that a) the categories of "mommy" and "lesbian" are mutually exclusive, and b) these are the only two identifiable categories of female between the ages of 18 and 35. I probably don't have to tell you that I didn't buy anything from Amazon for quite some time.
I am finally old enough that people have quit telling me that I'll change my mind about having kids. They do still tell me I will regret it someday, though, and people who don't know me well simply assume that I already have kids. So the assumption that as a straight female I must of course need a child in order to be a whole and happy human being still rankles. Thus it should not surprise you that this title appealed to me.
This was amusing and hit on a lot of the things that bug the hell out of me about smug motherly types. Jen's voice put me in mind of Tina Fey's at times, but she was still a little lacking in the polish that comes with more life experience. I also thought Jen got a little rambling and repetitive at times. Still, it's nice that somebody with a sense of humor tackled this topic. I would recommend this to others who, like me, are child-free by choice and want a little validation. I might have given it four stars instead of just three if I felt like it would do any good to recommend this to somebody who doesn't understand our perspective and would gain insight from reading it. It's more of a preachin' to the choir kind of book.
January 15, 2015
This is a hilarious and spot-on account of how I feel about that dreaded question "So when are you going to have kids?" I'm glad to find someone else to relate to in this book. More than enough times my vacations have been spoiled, my sleep (in my own house!!) interrupted by the neighbor's kids, and my sanity has been tested with kids that are out of control. Some parents think it's funny while the non-kid friendly side of me wants to hit these parents over the head with their strollers and take away their ability to leave their house. The laugh out loud moment came when Jen told about her experience at the adult only pool which was teeming with rugrats. Nobody cared including the hotel security, but you would better believe it that they would care if, as she put it, she decided to "go into the kiddie pool and act like an adult and scream to my friend the best way to prevent a urinary tract infection after sex." Jen relays that she often feels like a monster based on the looks people give her when she replies that she doesn't want kids. I find it hard to bite my tongue when people that don't know me well enough tell me "how great a mom I would be." Obviously they only see me acting great around other people's kids because I have to. I don't mind kids and even like my friend's kids because I don't have to take care of them! If kids makes my friends happy, that's great for them, but don't expect me to want to pop out a bunch of heathens because it's a "maternal instinct" for all women. I have pets and plants thank you very much! Thanks Jen for making me feel like I'm not alone!
August 8, 2013
I had such high hopes for this book since I am also in, what feels like, the minority of childfree-by-choice women. But, overall I found the book disappointing. The author's humor is like 10-year-old-boy bodily function humor - not really all that funny anyway, but even less so coming from a woman in her late 30's. Plus, maybe it's just my personality, but choosing not to have children definitely feels like being in the minority, so you have to OWN it and not be all upset with people don't understand. The author gets all teary and upset when people question/comment/etc on her decision not to have children. I guess I hardly get that at all anymore, so it's not an issue for me, but when you go against the grain of society you can't be upset that everyone else isn't agreeing with you. Overall, I wouldn't recommend this one at all - not a ringing endorsement for being childfree either.
One quote I did like:
"It's simple, really. The urge most people feel to have kids is the exact same as the urge that I have to not have kids. I don't want to have kids and so I am not going to have kids. People who want kids are going to have kids. I'm doing what I want to do and people who want kids are doing what they want to do. What about this scenario is selfish?" (p. 101)
One quote I did like:
"It's simple, really. The urge most people feel to have kids is the exact same as the urge that I have to not have kids. I don't want to have kids and so I am not going to have kids. People who want kids are going to have kids. I'm doing what I want to do and people who want kids are doing what they want to do. What about this scenario is selfish?" (p. 101)
June 26, 2013
Sorry, Jennifer.
I've found myself somewhat a fan of memoirs written by female comedians and comedy writers. Don't ask me why, it's just seemed to me that Tina Fey's was better than Mike Birbiglia's, and even though it wasn't all the way, deeply and sensually up my alley, Mindy Kaling's was a surprise hit for me as well.
This one didn't work for me. And I can tell you exactly why.
The premise (choosing not to have kids) and introductory chapter were pretty good. Funny, and also they had an actual topic, which is a big lack in a lot of comedy memoirs.
Then, however, we fell into the classic memoir trap: Let's go back WAY too far in time to when I was 20 and discuss how I wasted my time getting a worthless degree and hanging with college kids. I'm sorry, but this section was really unremarkable, and it seemed like it was written so that I was supposed to see the inherent humor in a girl moving in with two dudes as opposed to getting some good jokes in there.
Here's the difference between this book and books I've found funny: Funny books with funny writing get a good laugh out of me regardless of the situation. Maybe the situation is bizarre, and that can help. But it's the insight, the point of view the writer brings that takes something to the next level. Look at David Sedaris. If someone at a party said they were going to write an essay about learning French, I would nod politely and then politely excuse myself and then politely adjourn to the parking lot where I would politely douse myself and gasoline and burn myself to death. But, BUT, David Sedaris took the subject, not necessarily hilarious without some guidance, and highlighted what was truly funny.
This book felt like a lot of comedian books, which is basically their sets in written form with some stories about childhood in between. Really disappointing. I think this is a funny lady who can write a really funny book. And I'll be square, I read a small percentage of it. But hey, it's a memoir. I already know where the story ends, and I know that this book isn't about someone who had her face melted off or something. So I just need something more up top to keep me going.
I've found myself somewhat a fan of memoirs written by female comedians and comedy writers. Don't ask me why, it's just seemed to me that Tina Fey's was better than Mike Birbiglia's, and even though it wasn't all the way, deeply and sensually up my alley, Mindy Kaling's was a surprise hit for me as well.
This one didn't work for me. And I can tell you exactly why.
The premise (choosing not to have kids) and introductory chapter were pretty good. Funny, and also they had an actual topic, which is a big lack in a lot of comedy memoirs.
Then, however, we fell into the classic memoir trap: Let's go back WAY too far in time to when I was 20 and discuss how I wasted my time getting a worthless degree and hanging with college kids. I'm sorry, but this section was really unremarkable, and it seemed like it was written so that I was supposed to see the inherent humor in a girl moving in with two dudes as opposed to getting some good jokes in there.
Here's the difference between this book and books I've found funny: Funny books with funny writing get a good laugh out of me regardless of the situation. Maybe the situation is bizarre, and that can help. But it's the insight, the point of view the writer brings that takes something to the next level. Look at David Sedaris. If someone at a party said they were going to write an essay about learning French, I would nod politely and then politely excuse myself and then politely adjourn to the parking lot where I would politely douse myself and gasoline and burn myself to death. But, BUT, David Sedaris took the subject, not necessarily hilarious without some guidance, and highlighted what was truly funny.
This book felt like a lot of comedian books, which is basically their sets in written form with some stories about childhood in between. Really disappointing. I think this is a funny lady who can write a really funny book. And I'll be square, I read a small percentage of it. But hey, it's a memoir. I already know where the story ends, and I know that this book isn't about someone who had her face melted off or something. So I just need something more up top to keep me going.
April 17, 2015
I can not recall exactly how I found about this book, I remember reading a passage about people saying "but you'd be a great mom" and thinking that that was the most ridiculous way to convince someone to have kids. Do you have some psychic insight into my future? did you do a serial of psychoanalysis on my behalf, and get the results without my knowledge??
Now that I finally read the book, I can say that it was one of the most heartfelt, honest book I have ever read.
I admit the first few chapters sounded like an autobiography, something that i did not sign up for, but after a while, I realized that if i ever decided to write a book, and due to the fact that I like the sound of my own voice, the first few chapters of my book would sound like hers. I wrote a book, and I shall what I please!
The book had funny passages, the funny that you blush after, and that is probably why they were that funny. If you have any reservations to explicit material, this book is not for you.
I hated that she feels the need to lie to people about her stance, just to shut them up, some people need to be slapped with words, and that's that. But I guess when one encounters the "YOU SHALL BREED OR YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HANG WITH US ANYMORE!!!" clan, one is faced with hard decisions.
I will leave you with this video from Buzzfeed.com
http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/th...
Now that I finally read the book, I can say that it was one of the most heartfelt, honest book I have ever read.
I admit the first few chapters sounded like an autobiography, something that i did not sign up for, but after a while, I realized that if i ever decided to write a book, and due to the fact that I like the sound of my own voice, the first few chapters of my book would sound like hers. I wrote a book, and I shall what I please!
The book had funny passages, the funny that you blush after, and that is probably why they were that funny. If you have any reservations to explicit material, this book is not for you.
I hated that she feels the need to lie to people about her stance, just to shut them up, some people need to be slapped with words, and that's that. But I guess when one encounters the "YOU SHALL BREED OR YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HANG WITH US ANYMORE!!!" clan, one is faced with hard decisions.
I will leave you with this video from Buzzfeed.com
http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/th...
March 1, 2013
Originally posted on yAdultReview
I grabbed this book on Netgalley cause of the title. I could say I’m joking but I’m not. I am a person who decided at a young age that I am going to be childfree. I don’t like children. I didn’t even like them when I was one. I am an eighty-year old who yells at children to get off her lawn in the body of a twenty-four year old.
Kirkman takes us on a tour of her life from when she was single and living back with her parents, to when she got married to a man who didn’t want children, to the end when she was divorced but still not wanting children. It was nice to get that back story first to understand Kirkman and laugh with her throughout her trials and tribulations of growing up in New Jersey to working for Chelsea Lately.
This book didn’t disappoint. Throughout the book, Jen Kirkman discusses fears of being childless I didn’t even know I had until I read her thoughts. That being said, this book gets really repetitive quick, because really how much can you say about not wanting children? Hint: Not much. However, Kirkman’s writing style and sense of humor shine and make this a worthwhile read.
I grabbed this book on Netgalley cause of the title. I could say I’m joking but I’m not. I am a person who decided at a young age that I am going to be childfree. I don’t like children. I didn’t even like them when I was one. I am an eighty-year old who yells at children to get off her lawn in the body of a twenty-four year old.
Kirkman takes us on a tour of her life from when she was single and living back with her parents, to when she got married to a man who didn’t want children, to the end when she was divorced but still not wanting children. It was nice to get that back story first to understand Kirkman and laugh with her throughout her trials and tribulations of growing up in New Jersey to working for Chelsea Lately.
This book didn’t disappoint. Throughout the book, Jen Kirkman discusses fears of being childless I didn’t even know I had until I read her thoughts. That being said, this book gets really repetitive quick, because really how much can you say about not wanting children? Hint: Not much. However, Kirkman’s writing style and sense of humor shine and make this a worthwhile read.
January 22, 2016
While I, unlike Jen, do want kids some day, I have apparently hit the age (30) where others find it socially acceptable to 1) ask me if I am seeing someone and (when I say that I am single) 2) not-so-kindly point out that I better find someone if I want to have kids before I am too old! OMG!
While each chapter of the book centered on various lines Jen heard when she admitted she was childless by choice - Oh, you'll change your mind. Who will take care of you when you are old? Don't you think that is kind of selfish? - I found many of her stories unnecessarily crude and a thinly-veiled excuse for her rants against society.
I did round it up to two stars though because there was a seriously funny rant about how choosing to not have kids doesn't mean you are selfish and she goes on to say that no one has ever called Oprah or George Clooney selfish. Or, for that matter, Jesus. If you can wrap up those three people in a sarcastic story then your entire books is worth 2 stars.
Too bad the rest of it was a far cry from the entertaining read I was looking forward to this weekend.
While each chapter of the book centered on various lines Jen heard when she admitted she was childless by choice - Oh, you'll change your mind. Who will take care of you when you are old? Don't you think that is kind of selfish? - I found many of her stories unnecessarily crude and a thinly-veiled excuse for her rants against society.
I did round it up to two stars though because there was a seriously funny rant about how choosing to not have kids doesn't mean you are selfish and she goes on to say that no one has ever called Oprah or George Clooney selfish. Or, for that matter, Jesus. If you can wrap up those three people in a sarcastic story then your entire books is worth 2 stars.
Too bad the rest of it was a far cry from the entertaining read I was looking forward to this weekend.
January 10, 2020
Өөрийн сонголтоор хүүхэдтэй болохгүй гэж шийдсэн хүмүүс бусдын эрээ цээргүй шүүмжлэл, “байцаалт”-нд ямар байдлаар өртдөгийг өөрийн жишээн дээр хөгжилтэйгээр бичсэн ном байна. Маш дажгүй санагдлаа. Дөнгөж танилцчихаад “хэзээ хүүхэдтэй болох вэ?” “Хүүхэд төрүүлэхгүй гэж бодохоор амьдрал утга учиргүй санагдахгүй байна уу?” “Чи уг нь сайн ээж болно доо” гэх мэт мэдрэмжгүй асуулт, урилгагүй зөвлөгөөгөө хайрладаг хүмүүст уншуулах юмсан ккк.
April 11, 2016
As a fellow member of Team No Baby, this book was recommended to me by a married friend who regularly suffers the prodding of complete strangers on the topic of her reproductive plans. I feel for her, because if there’s one benefit to being 34 and unmarried, as I am, it’s that no one asks me when I’m planning on having a baby. Most people puritanically want you to have a man for that first. Still, as someone who finds all questions on the status of her love life intrusive and doesn’t pay any heed to the ticking of the ol’ biological clock, I’m right there with her, rolling my eyes at anyone who deigns to suggest I need to get a move on.
I Can Barely Take Care of Myself (2013) is comedian Jen Kirkman’s memoir on her life sans baby. She starts in her childhood, takes us through her awkward post-college years, her marriage, and her divorce, all the while maintaining a steadfast anti-baby stance. While I appreciate having another woman on our team, I have to say I was less than enamored with her story. There is actually much less about the trials of being a childless female than I expected. Sure, the absent baby is often the butt of jokes about kids who want to know why God would kill their grandparents or about women who breastfeed in public or about the general grossness of little humans, but there is little introspection on what it means to not be a mother, to choose not to breed, to live in a society where we’ve had more options than ever before and still be reduced to your reproductive potential.
It’s unfortunate that the best way I can describe Kirkman’s take on childlessness is as whiny. I understand the temptation to respond that way, after the thousandth “you’ll change your mind” or “there’s still time,” but I would have preferred a more mature, even sociological look on motherhood and what it means to eschew that choice. To not be a mother is to be a part of privileged society, one that has access to education, contraceptives, modern medicine, and a little thing called women’s rights. We do not have to be married to ensure economic security. We can plan when, if at all, we become pregnant. We can pay to have someone take care of us in our old age. These are not rights bestowed on every woman worldwide, nor even every woman in America. While it would be nice to not have strangers try to convince us we won’t truly know love until we change a few hundred poopy diapers, we do have more to celebrate than Kirkman lets on.
I suppose it’s unfair of me to expect an erudite discussion on such an important topic from a comedian merely recounting tales from their life. (Although, Aziz Ansari sure got the job done!) But, in sharing the personal, are we not expecting some sort of connection with a larger group? Do not we not do ourselves a disservice to examine how we fit into some greater puzzle? Do our experiences and opinions not carry import for those whose voices cannot be heard? Kirkman may not have asked to represent for the legions of non-mothers, but in a time when women are still reduced to that binary – mother or not – it would have been nice to read something that acknowledges what it means when we choose “not.”
I Can Barely Take Care of Myself (2013) is comedian Jen Kirkman’s memoir on her life sans baby. She starts in her childhood, takes us through her awkward post-college years, her marriage, and her divorce, all the while maintaining a steadfast anti-baby stance. While I appreciate having another woman on our team, I have to say I was less than enamored with her story. There is actually much less about the trials of being a childless female than I expected. Sure, the absent baby is often the butt of jokes about kids who want to know why God would kill their grandparents or about women who breastfeed in public or about the general grossness of little humans, but there is little introspection on what it means to not be a mother, to choose not to breed, to live in a society where we’ve had more options than ever before and still be reduced to your reproductive potential.
It’s unfortunate that the best way I can describe Kirkman’s take on childlessness is as whiny. I understand the temptation to respond that way, after the thousandth “you’ll change your mind” or “there’s still time,” but I would have preferred a more mature, even sociological look on motherhood and what it means to eschew that choice. To not be a mother is to be a part of privileged society, one that has access to education, contraceptives, modern medicine, and a little thing called women’s rights. We do not have to be married to ensure economic security. We can plan when, if at all, we become pregnant. We can pay to have someone take care of us in our old age. These are not rights bestowed on every woman worldwide, nor even every woman in America. While it would be nice to not have strangers try to convince us we won’t truly know love until we change a few hundred poopy diapers, we do have more to celebrate than Kirkman lets on.
I suppose it’s unfair of me to expect an erudite discussion on such an important topic from a comedian merely recounting tales from their life. (Although, Aziz Ansari sure got the job done!) But, in sharing the personal, are we not expecting some sort of connection with a larger group? Do not we not do ourselves a disservice to examine how we fit into some greater puzzle? Do our experiences and opinions not carry import for those whose voices cannot be heard? Kirkman may not have asked to represent for the legions of non-mothers, but in a time when women are still reduced to that binary – mother or not – it would have been nice to read something that acknowledges what it means when we choose “not.”
May 17, 2014
Even before I became a parent, I knew I never wanted to be one of those mothers who starts every other sentence with, "As a mother..." and then proceeds to give her opinion to anyone within hearing distance, regardless of their parent status or if they had asked for my opinion at all. For the most part, I think I have avoided being that type of mom. I do, however, know plenty of other parents like this. For as much flack as Jen Kirkman catches for being happy in her decision not to have children, I too have heard so many people offer their unsolicited advice on the fact that I am content with having only one child. So while it's not exactly the same thing, I can relate to the author and understand why she felt the need to write this book explaining her stance.
The most disappointing thing though, was that for the most part, this book did not do what the title said it would; we don't hear too many tales about Jen having a "happy life" without kids. Instead, she mainly defends her decision and answers the questions so many have pressed upon her through anecdotes about her multiple neuroses, failed relationships, and stalled career. I don't think any of the tales I read in this memoir were happy at all, actually.
The book is divided up into chapters which are titled accordingly: they are questions or statements related to motherhood that Jen Kirkman has heard countless times such as, "But you'd make such a good mother" and "who's going to take care of you when you're older?" In each chapter, the author addresses the question and tells a tale about why she doesn't necessarily need a child to fulfill her life or to accomplish the things people are telling her. The stories themselves aren't funny or even particularly entertaining. I'm not sure if they are meant to be.
Kirkman has tried to explain her decision every which way to others, and no one seems to get the hint that she just doesn't want to be a mother, period. Whether her reasons are valid to them or not is irrelevant--she is a grown woman and is allowed to make her own decisions without having to explain them to anyone else. The fact that Jen felt this book needed to be written at all lights a fire under me--it's 2014, not 1914. Whether a woman wants kids or doesn't want kids, I don't think a book needs to be written about it. Either way it's a bit narcissistic to think your decision is affecting the lives of so many, because in reality, it's not. People ultimately just love to stick their noses where they don't belong.
For answering questions Jen has been asked so much in her lifetime, this book succeeds. For trying to prove that she is happy without children...not so much.
The most disappointing thing though, was that for the most part, this book did not do what the title said it would; we don't hear too many tales about Jen having a "happy life" without kids. Instead, she mainly defends her decision and answers the questions so many have pressed upon her through anecdotes about her multiple neuroses, failed relationships, and stalled career. I don't think any of the tales I read in this memoir were happy at all, actually.
The book is divided up into chapters which are titled accordingly: they are questions or statements related to motherhood that Jen Kirkman has heard countless times such as, "But you'd make such a good mother" and "who's going to take care of you when you're older?" In each chapter, the author addresses the question and tells a tale about why she doesn't necessarily need a child to fulfill her life or to accomplish the things people are telling her. The stories themselves aren't funny or even particularly entertaining. I'm not sure if they are meant to be.
Kirkman has tried to explain her decision every which way to others, and no one seems to get the hint that she just doesn't want to be a mother, period. Whether her reasons are valid to them or not is irrelevant--she is a grown woman and is allowed to make her own decisions without having to explain them to anyone else. The fact that Jen felt this book needed to be written at all lights a fire under me--it's 2014, not 1914. Whether a woman wants kids or doesn't want kids, I don't think a book needs to be written about it. Either way it's a bit narcissistic to think your decision is affecting the lives of so many, because in reality, it's not. People ultimately just love to stick their noses where they don't belong.
For answering questions Jen has been asked so much in her lifetime, this book succeeds. For trying to prove that she is happy without children...not so much.
October 27, 2013
It's perhaps unfair (but also unavoidable) to compare this book to Caitlin Moran's "How to be a Woman." Yet, the whole time I found myself wanting more from this book. Yes, it's difficult to have people question your life choices but WHY that's inappropriate and what it says about American life/gender roles is left almost completely unexplained. It's not that Kirkman needed to write a feminist interpretation of the CBC experience-- she's a comedian writing a semi-memoir for crying out loud-- but a little more reflection on wider social trends would've gone a long way. I think that what made "How to be a Woman" successful (despite of/in spite of Moran's issues around race and class) was that the memoir, name dropping, and humor served a larger purpose.
It's a very quick read, funny (of course), and a nice book to read if you're happily CBC. I can't say that I'd recommend it to someone struggling with the decision to be CBC or who is unsure. It's very much "preaching to the choir." If you know that going in, I think it's enjoyable.
It's a very quick read, funny (of course), and a nice book to read if you're happily CBC. I can't say that I'd recommend it to someone struggling with the decision to be CBC or who is unsure. It's very much "preaching to the choir." If you know that going in, I think it's enjoyable.
May 1, 2015
Though the title and cover page suggest this book to be funny and interesting, it is NOT. I didn't LOL not even once and I kept forcing myself to focus while listening to the audiobook.
Ironically Jen claims to preach tolerance and personal choice when she bluntly criticizes people who chose to have kids. I understand her frustration, I really do, I myself am faced with people giving me the "You're not a mom, you can't be busy" attitude, as well as assuming that my life isn't fulfilled because I haven't had kids yet. That being said, I was unable to sympathize with her, not even a little bit.
Jen even whines about her best friend deciding to have a kid because Jen feels that will affect her friend's schedule. I mean c'mon you're a grown-up woman! Are you insinuating that your friend shouldn't follow her life's path because it inconveniences you?!
P.S.
Now I'm sad I spent money on this whiny, unfunny, boring and frustrating memoir.
Ironically Jen claims to preach tolerance and personal choice when she bluntly criticizes people who chose to have kids. I understand her frustration, I really do, I myself am faced with people giving me the "You're not a mom, you can't be busy" attitude, as well as assuming that my life isn't fulfilled because I haven't had kids yet. That being said, I was unable to sympathize with her, not even a little bit.
Jen even whines about her best friend deciding to have a kid because Jen feels that will affect her friend's schedule. I mean c'mon you're a grown-up woman! Are you insinuating that your friend shouldn't follow her life's path because it inconveniences you?!
P.S.
Now I'm sad I spent money on this whiny, unfunny, boring and frustrating memoir.
June 12, 2013
I saw Jen Kirkman on Conan a few weeks back and she was very funny (I had no knowledge of her from the Chelsea Handler shows). I had also heard this book was getting pretty good reviews and it was a cheap e-book so I gave it a shot. Unfortunately this book reminded me, that as much as I love comedians, I tend to hate books by comedians. I think the problem lies in the fact that the best comedians think their best in shorts spurts and writing a book is generally the completely opposite of that. Essentially books by comedians are like jokes with really long set ups. Worse yet, the punchlines are often given away in the titles. While the book definitely has it's chuckles I feel like this book would have been much more interesting if it was a true memoir on her career as a stand up. If you want to know about Kirkman being childless by choice, I'd suggest a You tube search of her stand up rather than reading the book. Both will get you to same place but You tube is a lot quicker
May 26, 2014
I won this book in a Goodreads Firstreads Giveaway. Thank you Simon and Schuster.
My favorite part of the book was Jen's Mom. The first 3 chapters featured Mom and those were the funniest. After that Mom didn't appear much and the book took on a really whiny tone. The last chapter was sad to me, not because Jen never had kids. That isn't sad, it's awesome that she followed her dream and knew her limits. It was sad because it should have been more triumphant, more "in your face" to anyone who ever questioned her on private decisions. Instead it was kind of anti-climatic.
I was never questioned about why I never had kids, maybe because I was never married. I think if I were a professional comedy writer I could make much more fun out of those encounters. The time she lied about being pregnant to the nail salon ladies was wicked smaht. This book needed more stories like that and less whining.
My favorite part of the book was Jen's Mom. The first 3 chapters featured Mom and those were the funniest. After that Mom didn't appear much and the book took on a really whiny tone. The last chapter was sad to me, not because Jen never had kids. That isn't sad, it's awesome that she followed her dream and knew her limits. It was sad because it should have been more triumphant, more "in your face" to anyone who ever questioned her on private decisions. Instead it was kind of anti-climatic.
I was never questioned about why I never had kids, maybe because I was never married. I think if I were a professional comedy writer I could make much more fun out of those encounters. The time she lied about being pregnant to the nail salon ladies was wicked smaht. This book needed more stories like that and less whining.
August 17, 2015
While this book starts out as funny and entertaining it takes a dark turn mid-way to insulting anyone with kids. It wasn't comedy any more but rather tongue in cheek repulsion of "breeders". There is a lot of anger in this book and the title suggests that Kirkman is leading a "happy life" without kids but I didn't find any happiness in this book. Defensive and judgmental is how Kirkman comes across.
In the same paragraph Kirkman shouts "Want kids? Great! Don't want kids? Great! Do what makes you happy!" and then goes on to chastise a mother who dared to ask her child what she wanted at Starbucks, tying up the line for Kirkman and making it a few extra moments more before she gets her coffee. How dare that mother bring her child out in public in order to inconvenience Kirkman. The whole book was filled with whining and judgements on those who have kids, which is ironic because the point of the book is to stop people from judging those who don't want kids.
In the same paragraph Kirkman shouts "Want kids? Great! Don't want kids? Great! Do what makes you happy!" and then goes on to chastise a mother who dared to ask her child what she wanted at Starbucks, tying up the line for Kirkman and making it a few extra moments more before she gets her coffee. How dare that mother bring her child out in public in order to inconvenience Kirkman. The whole book was filled with whining and judgements on those who have kids, which is ironic because the point of the book is to stop people from judging those who don't want kids.
May 18, 2013
This book made valid all that I experience as a child free woman. It always feels like you are alone in your rude, awkward, run-ins with people who think your saying "No" to the "Do you have kids?" question means they can quiz you in very negative, rude, tone and tell you how wrong you are in not having kids. Since most people have kids you feel like a freak when this happens and wonder why men without kids don't get the same treatment, or at least as often.
You get your femininity questioned, your sanity questioned, and your sexuality questioned as a woman who chooses to not have kids. You are told you do not know your own mind and life, as well as how you will change your mind. And this line of questioning ALWAYS happens from strangers and when least expected. It can be extremely upsetting because the person basically dehumanizes you and makes you feel like you are not a valid woman because you choose not to have kids. And this person is usually a complete stranger to you and they are judging you harshly for a life choice that doesn't affect anyone but yourself.
This book was wonderful in making me feel like all I have experienced wasn't just an "not that often" happening. People who have kids do not realize how horribly evil and rude they are when they start questioning a woman about her life choice and then get extremely pissy when the woman they are, basically, bullying gets defensive or tells them off. We don't WANT to defend our choice but you make us with your ignorant, rude, questions and comments. This book wonderfully covers this situation and I suggest EVERYONE read it...especially if you have a female friend who chooses not to have kids and you think "She will change her mind." or choose to argue her decision with her.
The book has given me ideas for comebacks to rude questions and comments. It also made me go "THIS!!!!!! This is what happens so often. Rude stuff like THIS!" when the author encountered women (whom she didn't know) who actually asked her if she was barren at a wedding reception! How totally rude is that???? People can be so beyond the pale!
There is a lot of humor in the book as well and you learn a lot about the author. It was a quick, fun, validating, read for me.
You get your femininity questioned, your sanity questioned, and your sexuality questioned as a woman who chooses to not have kids. You are told you do not know your own mind and life, as well as how you will change your mind. And this line of questioning ALWAYS happens from strangers and when least expected. It can be extremely upsetting because the person basically dehumanizes you and makes you feel like you are not a valid woman because you choose not to have kids. And this person is usually a complete stranger to you and they are judging you harshly for a life choice that doesn't affect anyone but yourself.
This book was wonderful in making me feel like all I have experienced wasn't just an "not that often" happening. People who have kids do not realize how horribly evil and rude they are when they start questioning a woman about her life choice and then get extremely pissy when the woman they are, basically, bullying gets defensive or tells them off. We don't WANT to defend our choice but you make us with your ignorant, rude, questions and comments. This book wonderfully covers this situation and I suggest EVERYONE read it...especially if you have a female friend who chooses not to have kids and you think "She will change her mind." or choose to argue her decision with her.
The book has given me ideas for comebacks to rude questions and comments. It also made me go "THIS!!!!!! This is what happens so often. Rude stuff like THIS!" when the author encountered women (whom she didn't know) who actually asked her if she was barren at a wedding reception! How totally rude is that???? People can be so beyond the pale!
There is a lot of humor in the book as well and you learn a lot about the author. It was a quick, fun, validating, read for me.
June 12, 2013
Funny and Kirkman speaks the truth. It is if, motherhood has suddenly become a cult. Feminism was supposed to free up women--give us choices, the freedom to do what we want, when we want to, if we want to. And yet, we live in a culture that questions our essential "woman-ness" if we choose not to have children, if we are honest with ourselves about our own desires and abilities. I have a child, one, all I knew I could reasonably handle. When my marriage ended and I began dating my current boyfriend (childless, in his thirties) it was all but expected that we would start our "own family". But, wait, we were a family, in our way. I had all the children I wanted. So did he. That Kirkman has to constantly defend her choices, that people (and most especially women) feel the need to not accept her choice, is not surprising to me. People choosing differently make other people uncomfortable, mainly because it forces them to examine their own choices, to consider the "what if". For a funny book, this dealt with some weighty issues.
May 2, 2013
Really enjoyed this book. I could relate to Jen, being childfree myself. I've had people say many of the "bingo's" to me over the years too. Finally, now I'm nearly 40, people finally believe me that I do not want kids. I knew that when I was 12!
I loved reading Jen's pet peeves - I also can't stand couples who say "we" are pregnant and like Jen, I also get the visual when people refer to "trying!"
At least Jen had a supportive mother. I do envy her that. Mine saved up baby clothes behind my back from the time I got married and then gave them to me 10 years later in disappointment to give to someone else with babies. I was devastated. Maybe I should write a book too....
This is a light, fun read for those of us who are happy with our choice. Nice to not feel as alone!
I loved reading Jen's pet peeves - I also can't stand couples who say "we" are pregnant and like Jen, I also get the visual when people refer to "trying!"
At least Jen had a supportive mother. I do envy her that. Mine saved up baby clothes behind my back from the time I got married and then gave them to me 10 years later in disappointment to give to someone else with babies. I was devastated. Maybe I should write a book too....
This is a light, fun read for those of us who are happy with our choice. Nice to not feel as alone!
May 4, 2016
Really quick, really light summer read. I'm not at the phase yet where I'm being heavily pressured, but I still vividly remember the first time I mentioned to a family member that I didn't think I wanted kids. She rolled her eyes, looked at another relative knowingly and said..."Yeah good luck with that." UGH. Now almost 10 years later I still haven't officially decided whether I want children or not. BUT I despise people doubting my agency as an adult and acting like they know the trajectory of my own life better than I do. So even beyond the child vs. childfree issues, I related to Jen Kirkman's points regarding what it means to carve out an "unconventional" life.
August 12, 2015
Repetitive, which drains all the amusement out of it, and since it's supposed to be humor, that leaves nothing. I hate the cover too.
March 7, 2022
I usually enjoy books from Chelsea Lately’s “Round Table” alum. I fully respect those who are child-free by choice, and would never try to convince them otherwise, so it’s shitty that Jen has repeatedly experienced such awkward, inappropriate encounters. It’s also shitty that she attacks mothers’ bodies as a defense. So what if I have a c-section scar? I also have two beautiful sons. You are not better than me; I am not better than you. Jen is a funny comedian, and I’m not easily offended, but use as much care with others as you require yourself.
Read
January 22, 2024ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS BOOK. So funny. Hits home.
“So when are you guys having kids?”
“You’re going to withhold your mom grandchildren”?
“You’ll change your mind”
“Your biological timeclock is almost out”
“YOU ARE SO SELFISH”
“It’s your GOD GIVEN right to have children”
Things I get told to me on a monthly basis..
“So when are you guys having kids?”
“You’re going to withhold your mom grandchildren”?
“You’ll change your mind”
“Your biological timeclock is almost out”
“YOU ARE SO SELFISH”
“It’s your GOD GIVEN right to have children”
Things I get told to me on a monthly basis..
January 17, 2017
Originally posted at:
I really enjoyed listening to this book. It finally felt like I met a like minded soul. The wit and sarcasm greatly helped me to like this book so much.
I've made it no secret to everyone and anyone who asks me that I don't want kids. I came to this decision almost 10 years ago. I was never the teen who would see a baby and immediately stop everything and go coo at a kid. I respect kids and the people who want or have kids. I just don't want one of my own. I can barely keep up with my 3 year old dog while I'm 21 years old, why would I want to keep up with a kid?
I don't find joy in kids. I regularly compare my dog to a kid because, to me, he's the closest thing I'll ever want to have that comes close to a child. I'm impatent and temperamental. I don't want a kid to have to keep up with my moods. I also don't want the added responsibility of taking care of another human being.
I'm lucky in the sense of when people ask me why I don't want any kids I just deadpan 'because I don't want any' and they leave me alone. I've perfected my 'resting bitchface' for occasions like that and I'm proud. At the end of the day it's no ones business what I chose to do or not do with my body.
I've come to the conclusion that if that's what it takes to become a 'woman' in other people's minds then I'm much happier being a child for the rest of my long and happy life.
The Audio Book:
The audio book was awesome. I liked how her intonation changed when she was reading something witty or sarcastic. I enjoyed the reading and I would listen to other audio books by her in the future.
I really enjoyed listening to this book. It finally felt like I met a like minded soul. The wit and sarcasm greatly helped me to like this book so much.
I've made it no secret to everyone and anyone who asks me that I don't want kids. I came to this decision almost 10 years ago. I was never the teen who would see a baby and immediately stop everything and go coo at a kid. I respect kids and the people who want or have kids. I just don't want one of my own. I can barely keep up with my 3 year old dog while I'm 21 years old, why would I want to keep up with a kid?
I don't find joy in kids. I regularly compare my dog to a kid because, to me, he's the closest thing I'll ever want to have that comes close to a child. I'm impatent and temperamental. I don't want a kid to have to keep up with my moods. I also don't want the added responsibility of taking care of another human being.
I'm lucky in the sense of when people ask me why I don't want any kids I just deadpan 'because I don't want any' and they leave me alone. I've perfected my 'resting bitchface' for occasions like that and I'm proud. At the end of the day it's no ones business what I chose to do or not do with my body.
I've come to the conclusion that if that's what it takes to become a 'woman' in other people's minds then I'm much happier being a child for the rest of my long and happy life.
The Audio Book:
The audio book was awesome. I liked how her intonation changed when she was reading something witty or sarcastic. I enjoyed the reading and I would listen to other audio books by her in the future.
July 23, 2013
Apparently, I'm hard to impress when it comes to books written by female comedians. Comedians, of course, that are not Chelsea Handler. I find Jen Kirkman witty and hilarious in her interviews and especially at the round table in Chelsea Lately. However, I Can Barely Take Care of Myself...was barely funny.
I want a child. However, I am fully aware that other women don't feel the same way. I don't look at them like they're freaks though, cause different strokes for different folks and all... I could understand how Kirkman wouldn't want kids. However, I found that her listing the reasons why she didn't want kids and then going into a vignette that had nothing to do with that was a little repetitive...and again definitely not that funny.
Overall, I found I Can Barely Take Care of Myself to be completely blah and forgettable. I did have a couple of chuckling moments, but it certainly wasn't laugh out loud funny (nor was it completely unfunny as Tina Fey's Bossypants). So, I say skip it.
I want a child. However, I am fully aware that other women don't feel the same way. I don't look at them like they're freaks though, cause different strokes for different folks and all... I could understand how Kirkman wouldn't want kids. However, I found that her listing the reasons why she didn't want kids and then going into a vignette that had nothing to do with that was a little repetitive...and again definitely not that funny.
Overall, I found I Can Barely Take Care of Myself to be completely blah and forgettable. I did have a couple of chuckling moments, but it certainly wasn't laugh out loud funny (nor was it completely unfunny as Tina Fey's Bossypants). So, I say skip it.
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