Facing The Ultimate Loss: Confronting The Death Of A Child

by Robert J. Marx

Susan Wengerhoff Davidson has counseled individuals, couples, families and groups to help them cope with the loss of a loved one. She is also an experienced mediator, helping people empower themselves by resolving their differences in dignified ways without the need of lengthy and costly court proceedings.

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 20, 2004

Reviews

[Ms. Tiffs · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will never say that a book "saved" me. I suppose the weight that comes with that would be better explained in the obvious: While asking for help can be the first step to helping ourselves, ultimately--it is essential that we save ourselves. So many proverbial shovels can be counted and thrown into a hill that compile of all the potential reasons why we can become buried in struggle or grief throughout life, but it always comes down to the imperative; whether or not we will pick up the shovel and begin digging.

I think this book was the force that turned my head to that. The invisible wind that blew my glance to those shovels. The unspeakable had happened and somewhere inside, something finally cracked. I looked around the world and suddenly, the indifference I carried toward humanity was no longer enough. I was fiercely met with an eruption of hatred toward every creation in the world around me. Why? Because I had just watched helplessly as one of my longest friends discovered the news of a loss--a loss that we close our eyes and grit our teeth to the idea of--a loss that no parent dare ever speak of mockingly: she had lost her son.

For months following his funeral, I didn't quite know where to look for faith any longer. Nothing felt pure, innocent, or fulfilling. Eating came with a guilt that her child couldn't. Drinking came with a sand-paper tongue that could never have enough; yet all of it was still too much. I could barely look at my loved ones without disdain for the fact that no one could ever have a reason as to what had happened.

I found this book by sheer accident. As it so happened, this book was quite literally dropped into my lap--and by lap--I mean onto my head. Every so often, I would drive as far as I could budget the time to look for little old towns, where I'd stumble into 'mom and pop' book shops, hoping to escape from the day-to-day mediocrity by amusing myself with a great literary gesture while sipping on a cup of hot comfort. This, was my "me time". Today was the epitome of a necessity in that I took a spontaneous adventure to clear my mind and seek out a gem. As I was reaching toward a collector's edition of a recap of the French Revolution, I clumsily tripped forward and knocked down several titles, wincing a feigned "OUCH!" in response to the unexpected "THUNK" on my head.

There it was.

Your book was the cause of my temporary pain, and ironically, something that would later assist in answering it.

There are certain events in life that never get better or even easier. However, there are words like yours that at least help a person understand how to "live with the new normal" in such situations without justifiable cause or resolve.

I suppose what I mean to say is: thank you.

Thank you for putting words to a question, even if they may not have been an answer.

Most of all, thank you for putting your heart, and your time into this.

[Jackie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very good book for anyone who has lost a child. It acknowledged my feelings and helped me not feel so alone. It is very well written.