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Promise Land: My Journey Through America's Self-Help Culture
In writing this book I walked on hot coals, met a man making a weight-loss robot, joined a Healing Circle, and faced my debilitating fear of flying. Of all of these things, talking to my father about my mother's death was by far the hardest.
The daughter of a widowed child psychologist and parenting author, Jessica Lamb-Shapiro grew up immersed in the culture of self-help, of books and pamphlets and board games and gadgets and endless jargon-filled conversations about feelings. It wasn't until she hit her thirties that Jessica began to wonder: if all this self-improvement arcana was as helpful as it promised to be, why wasn't she better adjusted? She had a flying phobia, hadn't settled down, and didn't like to talk about her feelings.
Thus began Jessica's fascination with the eccentric and labyrinthine world of self-help. She read hundreds of books and articles, attended dating seminars, walked on hot coals, and attempted to conquer her fear of flying. But even as she made light of the sometimes dubious effectiveness of these as-seen-on-TV treatments, she slowly began to realize she was circling a much larger problem: her mother's death when she was a toddler, and the almost complete silence that she and her father had always observed on the subject.
In the tradition of Augusten Burroughs, Jessica Lamb-Shapiro illuminates the peculiar neuroses and inalterable truths that bind families together, whether they choose to confront them or not. Promise Land is a tender, witty, and wise account of a young woman's journey through her own psyche toward the most difficult stage of grown-up emotional life: acceptance.
The daughter of a widowed child psychologist and parenting author, Jessica Lamb-Shapiro grew up immersed in the culture of self-help, of books and pamphlets and board games and gadgets and endless jargon-filled conversations about feelings. It wasn't until she hit her thirties that Jessica began to wonder: if all this self-improvement arcana was as helpful as it promised to be, why wasn't she better adjusted? She had a flying phobia, hadn't settled down, and didn't like to talk about her feelings.
Thus began Jessica's fascination with the eccentric and labyrinthine world of self-help. She read hundreds of books and articles, attended dating seminars, walked on hot coals, and attempted to conquer her fear of flying. But even as she made light of the sometimes dubious effectiveness of these as-seen-on-TV treatments, she slowly began to realize she was circling a much larger problem: her mother's death when she was a toddler, and the almost complete silence that she and her father had always observed on the subject.
In the tradition of Augusten Burroughs, Jessica Lamb-Shapiro illuminates the peculiar neuroses and inalterable truths that bind families together, whether they choose to confront them or not. Promise Land is a tender, witty, and wise account of a young woman's journey through her own psyche toward the most difficult stage of grown-up emotional life: acceptance.
240 pages, Hardcover
First published January 7, 2014
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1634 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 122 reviews
July 26, 2016
This is more of a 3.5 star book, really. I loved spending time with the author--she has a great sense of humor and approaches self-help in a way that is similar to how I think of it: not expecting too much, but hey, it can't hurt.
My favorite parts of the book have the author interacting with self-help gurus and the people who follow them. The chapter in which she attends a class taught by the author of The Rules is deeply deeply hilarious, and then deeply deeply depressing (exactly as you'd expect).
Where the book lost me a bit is in its more serious sections, most of which revolve around the author's relationship with her father. While it seemed like the narrator was certainly open to learning from self-help, it was difficult to see how that changes that happened by the end of the book came from her research. They fell flat for me, which was a disappointment because she paints such a vivid picture of her father in all of the other sections.
Definitely recommended, and I'm even more excited to read her future books.
My favorite parts of the book have the author interacting with self-help gurus and the people who follow them. The chapter in which she attends a class taught by the author of The Rules is deeply deeply hilarious, and then deeply deeply depressing (exactly as you'd expect).
Where the book lost me a bit is in its more serious sections, most of which revolve around the author's relationship with her father. While it seemed like the narrator was certainly open to learning from self-help, it was difficult to see how that changes that happened by the end of the book came from her research. They fell flat for me, which was a disappointment because she paints such a vivid picture of her father in all of the other sections.
Definitely recommended, and I'm even more excited to read her future books.
February 10, 2014
(The subtitle on my Edelweiss e-galley was a bit more evaluative – if also a bit sillier: A Journey through America’s Euphoric, Soul-Sucking, Emancipating, Hornswoggling, and Irrepressible Self-Help Culture. [Hornswoggling! What an incredible word! Apparently it means cheating or swindling.])
Like Barbara Ehrenreich’s Bright-sided, this is a cynical journalist’s take with some personal commentary. Lamb-Shapiro has more of a personal stake in things because her father (the kind of man who would pick her up from school wearing a gorilla suit) is an upbeat psychologist and published self-help author. His specialty is parenting and child psychology; he once accidentally got himself branded the expert on “the choking game” (mimicking the sensation of choking to briefly induce fainting) when he was asked to comment on it on national television. (Lamb-Shapiro’s account of the producer trying to convince her father into pronouncing the game “addictive” is just hilarious.) Thereafter she referred to her longsuffering Pop as “Dr. Choking Game.”
The story goes deeper, though. Self-help sometimes means self-deception, and for nearly 30 years Lamb-Shapiro didn’t know the full truth about her mother’s death. Jessica had always been told her mother died in a car accident when she was two years old, but in the course of the book she reveals that the cause of death was actually suicide. For all his therapeutic wisdom, Dr. Lamb-Shapiro had been unable to discuss the truth about his wife’s death with his daughter. One of the major plot threads here, then, is starting to come to terms with her mother’s death: her father coming clean about the family’s history and then working to create an app that might prevent future suicides; and father and daughter together journeying to a Maryland cemetery to see the grave. The gates were chained and they had to break in, but they managed the group hug Jessica had been wanting for three decades.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. This isn’t just a personal memoir, but also a wide-ranging survey of the self-help world past and present. Lamb-Shapiro skims through the history of self-help books, from the Greek philosophers to Victorian England to a close reading of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People and how it is emotionally manipulative (a dead puppy is involved).
Over the course of her research for Promise Land, the author attended: a pricey conference for would-be self-help writers, led by Chicken Soup for the Soul founder Mark Victor Hansen; a seminar on The Rules, an old-fashioned advice book on securing a husband through playing hard to get; a positive thinking teen camp in upstate New York where participants walk on hot coals; a fear-of-flying support group at an airport (she herself is mildly neurotic about any number of things, but flying is a major phobia); and a grief camp. She also helped a friend make a “vision board” to see if the law of attraction could make her greatest desires (generally financial and/or material) come true. You’ll learn many surprising facts, including that The Science of Getting Rich was a title from 1911, and there is such a book as Grieving for Dummies.
Lamb-Shapiro fully acknowledges that “Self-help’s rules can be comforting. They promise us control, a defense against loss.” On the other hand, “Positive thinking can look an awful lot like old-fashioned denial.” Americans, especially, love to think they can make it on their own. The culture so emphasizes independence and self-reliance that admitting you need help is sometimes tantamount to admitting failure. “The best thing about self-help is that it frees you from needing other people; the worst thing about self-help is exactly the same,” she argues in her characteristically matter-of-fact style. Even if self-help tactics are harmless, or simply act as placebos, both authors are cautious about endorsing them. As Lamb-Shapiro concludes, “Ultimately, affirmations and believing in the power of one’s mind should be used as only part of an arsenal of tools against despair, an arsenal that includes admitting despair.”
Lamb-Shapiro describes her adventures in such witty, sparkling prose that I would be interested in reading anything else she writes in the future. Promise Land is just my kind of nonfiction: it crosses genres (I have a whole shelf I call “uncategorizable”) and manages to be both touching and laugh-out-loud funny. I daresay it will also make you rethink some of the clichés and excuses we rely on every day.
(This review formed part of an article on “anti-self-help” books for Bookkaholic.)
Like Barbara Ehrenreich’s Bright-sided, this is a cynical journalist’s take with some personal commentary. Lamb-Shapiro has more of a personal stake in things because her father (the kind of man who would pick her up from school wearing a gorilla suit) is an upbeat psychologist and published self-help author. His specialty is parenting and child psychology; he once accidentally got himself branded the expert on “the choking game” (mimicking the sensation of choking to briefly induce fainting) when he was asked to comment on it on national television. (Lamb-Shapiro’s account of the producer trying to convince her father into pronouncing the game “addictive” is just hilarious.) Thereafter she referred to her longsuffering Pop as “Dr. Choking Game.”
The story goes deeper, though. Self-help sometimes means self-deception, and for nearly 30 years Lamb-Shapiro didn’t know the full truth about her mother’s death. Jessica had always been told her mother died in a car accident when she was two years old, but in the course of the book she reveals that the cause of death was actually suicide. For all his therapeutic wisdom, Dr. Lamb-Shapiro had been unable to discuss the truth about his wife’s death with his daughter. One of the major plot threads here, then, is starting to come to terms with her mother’s death: her father coming clean about the family’s history and then working to create an app that might prevent future suicides; and father and daughter together journeying to a Maryland cemetery to see the grave. The gates were chained and they had to break in, but they managed the group hug Jessica had been wanting for three decades.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. This isn’t just a personal memoir, but also a wide-ranging survey of the self-help world past and present. Lamb-Shapiro skims through the history of self-help books, from the Greek philosophers to Victorian England to a close reading of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People and how it is emotionally manipulative (a dead puppy is involved).
Over the course of her research for Promise Land, the author attended: a pricey conference for would-be self-help writers, led by Chicken Soup for the Soul founder Mark Victor Hansen; a seminar on The Rules, an old-fashioned advice book on securing a husband through playing hard to get; a positive thinking teen camp in upstate New York where participants walk on hot coals; a fear-of-flying support group at an airport (she herself is mildly neurotic about any number of things, but flying is a major phobia); and a grief camp. She also helped a friend make a “vision board” to see if the law of attraction could make her greatest desires (generally financial and/or material) come true. You’ll learn many surprising facts, including that The Science of Getting Rich was a title from 1911, and there is such a book as Grieving for Dummies.
Lamb-Shapiro fully acknowledges that “Self-help’s rules can be comforting. They promise us control, a defense against loss.” On the other hand, “Positive thinking can look an awful lot like old-fashioned denial.” Americans, especially, love to think they can make it on their own. The culture so emphasizes independence and self-reliance that admitting you need help is sometimes tantamount to admitting failure. “The best thing about self-help is that it frees you from needing other people; the worst thing about self-help is exactly the same,” she argues in her characteristically matter-of-fact style. Even if self-help tactics are harmless, or simply act as placebos, both authors are cautious about endorsing them. As Lamb-Shapiro concludes, “Ultimately, affirmations and believing in the power of one’s mind should be used as only part of an arsenal of tools against despair, an arsenal that includes admitting despair.”
Lamb-Shapiro describes her adventures in such witty, sparkling prose that I would be interested in reading anything else she writes in the future. Promise Land is just my kind of nonfiction: it crosses genres (I have a whole shelf I call “uncategorizable”) and manages to be both touching and laugh-out-loud funny. I daresay it will also make you rethink some of the clichés and excuses we rely on every day.
(This review formed part of an article on “anti-self-help” books for Bookkaholic.)
Read
February 7, 2021DNF didn't get on with the book
August 13, 2013
This is a really spectacular book. Not only is it a mini-history of the notions of self-help--a history that is both respectful and appropriately witty and skeptical--but it's the story of a daughter coming to terms with her mother's death in a way that's uniquely moving. I know Jessica, so I'm 100% biased when it comes to this book, but shit, it's incredibly readable and endlessly interesting. Her writing voice is so sharp and wonderful (especially in all the asides and footnotes!) that it seems impossible not to be charmed by this book. And beyond that, there's some really valuable observations here about self-help and what it means to be human.
One little personal sidenote: Jessica's been working on this book for approximately as long as I've known her. That it's finally coming out and that I've had a chance to finally read it is endlessly gratifying. (Oh, and it's funny to me that I'm the first person to review this on GoodReads.)
One little personal sidenote: Jessica's been working on this book for approximately as long as I've known her. That it's finally coming out and that I've had a chance to finally read it is endlessly gratifying. (Oh, and it's funny to me that I'm the first person to review this on GoodReads.)
September 26, 2014
I wrote this for my work blog, Read @ MPL. Eventually. Additionally, this review/rating is based on an ARC I got from netgalley.
Jessica Lamb-Shapiro is well-versed in the language of self-help. Her father (Lawrence E. Shapiro) is a psychologist, parenting expert, and self-help author. In Promise Land She explores the culture of American self-help, trying to find why self-help has such a strong appeal and how the self-help industry became so huge. She goes to conferences, walks on hot coals, makes a vision board, attends lectures, takes a class to deal with her fear of flying, and volunteers at a camp for teens dealing with grief.
Promise Land starts with Lamb-Shapiro and her father attending a workshop/conference by Mark Victor Hansen, co-creator of the Chicken Soup franchise. The conference focuses on how to write and market the next big self-help book series. Her father has written numerous books, but none have been best-sellers. His setbacks don’t seem to matter, because he is still relentlessly, endlessly, annoyingly positive. In addition to writing books, he makes and sells educational/therapeutic games and toys (the Ungame, anyone?). She experiences the world of self-help first-hand by helping him sell his products at conferences all over the country. At every turn she counters her father’s boundless positivity with a healthy dose of cynicism.
Her relationship with her father is a constant thread throughout the memoir. He provides a way into a lot of self-help communities, but more than that Lamb-Shapiro uses the time spent together and the self-help world to explore their relationship and her upbringing. They have an interesting rapport because her mother died when she was very young. They never talked about it, and all the knowledge of her mother comes to her secondhand. After that rather traumatic event, he remarried, moved around, got divorced – lots of change at a time when people often recommend stability. In this book she looks at the legacy of self-help within her own family, how that has shaped her, and how that can help her deal with her unresolved grief.
The real strength of this book is that it is a memoir: it is not a full-scale exploration of the culture, but her journey through it. She acknowledges that self-help can be really helpful, but that it also might be total hokum. It depends on the person, and it also depends on the self-help. She starts the book with cynicism, but in the end she learns to open herself up. That’s not to say she tried a miracle cure and it totally worked, but instead that she saw that holding all her emotions in might not be the best way for her to be healthy. That was her journey through self-help, and I enjoy being there with her.
Jessica Lamb-Shapiro is well-versed in the language of self-help. Her father (Lawrence E. Shapiro) is a psychologist, parenting expert, and self-help author. In Promise Land She explores the culture of American self-help, trying to find why self-help has such a strong appeal and how the self-help industry became so huge. She goes to conferences, walks on hot coals, makes a vision board, attends lectures, takes a class to deal with her fear of flying, and volunteers at a camp for teens dealing with grief.
Promise Land starts with Lamb-Shapiro and her father attending a workshop/conference by Mark Victor Hansen, co-creator of the Chicken Soup franchise. The conference focuses on how to write and market the next big self-help book series. Her father has written numerous books, but none have been best-sellers. His setbacks don’t seem to matter, because he is still relentlessly, endlessly, annoyingly positive. In addition to writing books, he makes and sells educational/therapeutic games and toys (the Ungame, anyone?). She experiences the world of self-help first-hand by helping him sell his products at conferences all over the country. At every turn she counters her father’s boundless positivity with a healthy dose of cynicism.
Her relationship with her father is a constant thread throughout the memoir. He provides a way into a lot of self-help communities, but more than that Lamb-Shapiro uses the time spent together and the self-help world to explore their relationship and her upbringing. They have an interesting rapport because her mother died when she was very young. They never talked about it, and all the knowledge of her mother comes to her secondhand. After that rather traumatic event, he remarried, moved around, got divorced – lots of change at a time when people often recommend stability. In this book she looks at the legacy of self-help within her own family, how that has shaped her, and how that can help her deal with her unresolved grief.
The real strength of this book is that it is a memoir: it is not a full-scale exploration of the culture, but her journey through it. She acknowledges that self-help can be really helpful, but that it also might be total hokum. It depends on the person, and it also depends on the self-help. She starts the book with cynicism, but in the end she learns to open herself up. That’s not to say she tried a miracle cure and it totally worked, but instead that she saw that holding all her emotions in might not be the best way for her to be healthy. That was her journey through self-help, and I enjoy being there with her.
December 9, 2020
This book is great. It's smart, funny, insightful, and poignant. It gave me a moment of uncontrollable laughing-out-loud, which is a rare thing to come by. (I'll put what sparked it below, but I'll call it a "spoiler," just in case you don't want me to spoil any potential LOLs of your own.)
And just to give you a bit of context, I'll mention that I spent 8 years working professionally with self-help books and authors. I sorely needed this intelligent, wry, and deadpan look at their world.
I didn't realize that the phenomenon of self-help books goes as far back as the beginning of recorded history, with an ancient Egyptian genre called "Sebayt." I did, of course, realize that motivational speakers like Mark Victor Hansen are simultaneously uplifting (for our emotions) and draining (for our bank accounts).
Don't get me wrong: when I was interviewing for the chance to work with self-help and spirituality books, I blurted out "I want to read them all!" So it was reassuring and endearing that Jessica often found the books she read intriguing, or was drawn in by their premises and writing style.
Jessica's personal stories of her dad's own modest self-help career were delightful. And during the course of the book, she gradually reveals the details of her mother's death, which happened when she was just two years old. As she says early on, the process of writing the book more or less dragged her into facing the realities of that loss in her life.
The result is a refreshingly down-to-earth version of the classic self-help miracle story, and I'd wager it's all the more powerful — realistic rather than wondrous, achievable rather than spectacular.
Finally, if you like Fresh Air with Terri Gross, check out the episode about this book!
SPOILER (not really, haha):
Okay, so here's the bit I found so funny. It's from an episode where Jessica volunteers at a "grief camp" for children and teens. She's talking about how, in the camp's "healing circles," adults were called "Bigs," and children were called "Littles":
“The renaming of things to signify that they belong to a different system is a falsehood of convenience. The new names often function to establish new relationships within a fixed time and place. Children at camp become ‘campers.’ Adults and children who are strangers to each other enter an instant relationship when they become ‘Bigs’ and ‘Littles.’ Likely no one considered the moniker ‘mini grievers’ or ‘tiny sads’ for the children, although that’s also what they were. But that would have been a downer, and the camp was trying to provide a positive, upbeat experience.”
"Tiny sads." Hilarious! Given that the author herself was once a "tiny sad," the humor isn't mean-spirited, just playful. And cathartic, at least for me. After living with losses long enough, maybe it's irreverent, irrepressible giggles that are the real healers.
And just to give you a bit of context, I'll mention that I spent 8 years working professionally with self-help books and authors. I sorely needed this intelligent, wry, and deadpan look at their world.
I didn't realize that the phenomenon of self-help books goes as far back as the beginning of recorded history, with an ancient Egyptian genre called "Sebayt." I did, of course, realize that motivational speakers like Mark Victor Hansen are simultaneously uplifting (for our emotions) and draining (for our bank accounts).
Don't get me wrong: when I was interviewing for the chance to work with self-help and spirituality books, I blurted out "I want to read them all!" So it was reassuring and endearing that Jessica often found the books she read intriguing, or was drawn in by their premises and writing style.
Jessica's personal stories of her dad's own modest self-help career were delightful. And during the course of the book, she gradually reveals the details of her mother's death, which happened when she was just two years old. As she says early on, the process of writing the book more or less dragged her into facing the realities of that loss in her life.
The result is a refreshingly down-to-earth version of the classic self-help miracle story, and I'd wager it's all the more powerful — realistic rather than wondrous, achievable rather than spectacular.
Finally, if you like Fresh Air with Terri Gross, check out the episode about this book!
SPOILER (not really, haha):
Okay, so here's the bit I found so funny. It's from an episode where Jessica volunteers at a "grief camp" for children and teens. She's talking about how, in the camp's "healing circles," adults were called "Bigs," and children were called "Littles":
“The renaming of things to signify that they belong to a different system is a falsehood of convenience. The new names often function to establish new relationships within a fixed time and place. Children at camp become ‘campers.’ Adults and children who are strangers to each other enter an instant relationship when they become ‘Bigs’ and ‘Littles.’ Likely no one considered the moniker ‘mini grievers’ or ‘tiny sads’ for the children, although that’s also what they were. But that would have been a downer, and the camp was trying to provide a positive, upbeat experience.”
"Tiny sads." Hilarious! Given that the author herself was once a "tiny sad," the humor isn't mean-spirited, just playful. And cathartic, at least for me. After living with losses long enough, maybe it's irreverent, irrepressible giggles that are the real healers.
August 8, 2015
First off: this book is funny. Jessica Lamb-Shapiro's writing is smart, self-aware, wry, and slightly aloof, and full of understated personality and subtle snark. It's also incredibly tight--a reflection of the decade she spent writing this unusual memoir.
Promise Land isn't a complete survey of our wacky self-help culture; it truly is the author's own journey. But along the way she showcases nuggets that are historically and culturally fascinating, and tasty footnotes that allude to the questionable practices, hypocrisy and scandals of some of these self-help "experts." Some of these nuggets crossed over with things I learned from Susan Cain's Quiet (great book) about the birth of America's Extrovert Ideal, which was interesting. We are a weird country.
I'm coming away with anew deeper skepticism toward the self-help industry and its influences on our culture, which I hadn't really considered before--as well as an outright loathing for "MVH" and the Chicken Soup series, as well as The Rules. The latter feels especially like a win, because it gives me the Modern Jackass opportunity to feel smugly condescending and superior without ever having to actually read either of those books for myself.
My sweetie found Promise Land roaring-laughter-every-other-page-hilarious. I LOLed less, but found it surprisingly emotionally devastating from time to time. For instance, this reflection on "the power of positive thinking" in the author's own upbringing felt uncomfortably close to home:
There were a number of times like that where Jessica wrote something and about her experience that was so resonant with my own that I almost said out loud "yes, it's just like that."
The big backdrop for this memoir is that the author and her psychologist dad have never talked about the huge elephant in their family room: the suicide of Jessica's mom. Um, hello. That's crazy, right? It is also where the book is best, I think--when we get glimpses behind the curtain of smart snark and safe distance to see the vulnerable journey these two are on. In the epilogue, standing by her mother's grave, Jessica reflects, "Many times I had questioned why I was writing this book, and if its only purpose was to start a dialogue between my father and me that led us to this moment, it was enough." I agree.
Promise Land isn't a complete survey of our wacky self-help culture; it truly is the author's own journey. But along the way she showcases nuggets that are historically and culturally fascinating, and tasty footnotes that allude to the questionable practices, hypocrisy and scandals of some of these self-help "experts." Some of these nuggets crossed over with things I learned from Susan Cain's Quiet (great book) about the birth of America's Extrovert Ideal, which was interesting. We are a weird country.
I'm coming away with a
My sweetie found Promise Land roaring-laughter-every-other-page-hilarious. I LOLed less, but found it surprisingly emotionally devastating from time to time. For instance, this reflection on "the power of positive thinking" in the author's own upbringing felt uncomfortably close to home:
"Positive thinking can look an awful lot like old-fashioned denial. What we called optimism often caused a kind of cognitive dissonance I later came to call "the fog"...the fog protected me from seeing that our attitude didn't always reflect our reality. Just when I was on the verge of anger or sadness, the fog washed over me until I felt light and pleasantly confused."
There were a number of times like that where Jessica wrote something and about her experience that was so resonant with my own that I almost said out loud "yes, it's just like that."
The big backdrop for this memoir is that the author and her psychologist dad have never talked about the huge elephant in their family room: the suicide of Jessica's mom. Um, hello. That's crazy, right? It is also where the book is best, I think--when we get glimpses behind the curtain of smart snark and safe distance to see the vulnerable journey these two are on. In the epilogue, standing by her mother's grave, Jessica reflects, "Many times I had questioned why I was writing this book, and if its only purpose was to start a dialogue between my father and me that led us to this moment, it was enough." I agree.
Read
August 18, 2020It was funny, the writing was punchy and there were lots of historical facts to help give a broader context of self-help. As someone who is a bit cynical about self help, as it has always seemed a bit narcissistic to me, or at least the people around me that quote and promote SELF-help and SELF-care, are the most self absorbed. The book covers many of the behind-the-scenes aspects of self-help and the emotional levers that marketers use in that industry to turn a profit. "Anyone can write a book about anything. Someone will always be willing to profit from human weakness. The most detrimental type of self-help is a closed system that discourages interaction with other points of view." (pages 206 - 207).
Lamb-Shapiro is fair and well informed on the subject. The two most positive examples she writes about, overcoming a fear of flying and a grieving camp, seemed to be more helpful because they were based on communal support, a pet theory of mine is that personal growth and fulfillment come from healthy reciprocal bonds with others. Just a thought.
Chapter two on The Rules reminded me why I'm happier single and I remembered some shitty hetero-male self-help on how to seduce women, the yin to The Rules Yang.
I wondered if Lamb-Shapiro purposely made chapter 7 the one about her mother, as that was the age she was when she learned the truth about her death.
I'd recommend the book over any self help book.
Lamb-Shapiro is fair and well informed on the subject. The two most positive examples she writes about, overcoming a fear of flying and a grieving camp, seemed to be more helpful because they were based on communal support, a pet theory of mine is that personal growth and fulfillment come from healthy reciprocal bonds with others. Just a thought.
Chapter two on The Rules reminded me why I'm happier single and I remembered some shitty hetero-male self-help on how to seduce women, the yin to The Rules Yang.
I wondered if Lamb-Shapiro purposely made chapter 7 the one about her mother, as that was the age she was when she learned the truth about her death.
I'd recommend the book over any self help book.
February 18, 2014
Interesting book. The author is the daughter of someone who was involved in that culture. I've read a lot of those books over the last 40 yrs. or so. Some were helpful, some seemed like a good idea at the time and later, well...some were pure bullshit. As I've come to feel about religious dogma as well: If it works use it. Take what you need and leave the rest.
October 15, 2013
Whatever you're expecting from this book, it probably won't be the unusual combination of genres that make up Promise Land. I thought it might be like the very entertaining Helping Me Help Myself by Beth Lisick, an account of her year getting help from celebrity experts in their fields: Richard Simmons, Suze Orman, Julie Morgenstern, and more. Although Helping Me Help Myself is a personal account, you do get to learn a lot about the expensive seminars and personal consultations.
In Promise Land, Jessica Lamb-Shapiro also tries some seminars, but mainly sticks with self-help books. She goes into the history of self-help in America, and discovers that there's really nothing new under the self-help sun. Apparently, we Americans have always been attracted to self-help, ever since Ben Franklin included his own tips on self-improvement in his Autobiography.
What will make you either love or hate Promise Land though, is Lamb-Shapiro's personal story. It becomes clear as the book progresses that Lamb-Shapiro's mother died when Lamb-Shapiro was only two years old and her father, a psychologist, did his best to deal with the loss of his wife and to take care of his young daughter. As she (and the reader) learns more about the circumstances of her mother's death during the course of writing the book, it becomes less an academic pursuit of knowledge and more a personal search for a way to deal with the loss from thirty years ago.
If I had known the sad turn the book was going to take, I would not have read it, but as it turned out, Lamb-Shapiro's humor and world-weary attitude kept me reading and by the end I was quite touched by the way she and her father began to deal more openly with something that had been off-limits for so many years.
In Promise Land, Jessica Lamb-Shapiro also tries some seminars, but mainly sticks with self-help books. She goes into the history of self-help in America, and discovers that there's really nothing new under the self-help sun. Apparently, we Americans have always been attracted to self-help, ever since Ben Franklin included his own tips on self-improvement in his Autobiography.
What will make you either love or hate Promise Land though, is Lamb-Shapiro's personal story. It becomes clear as the book progresses that Lamb-Shapiro's mother died when Lamb-Shapiro was only two years old and her father, a psychologist, did his best to deal with the loss of his wife and to take care of his young daughter. As she (and the reader) learns more about the circumstances of her mother's death during the course of writing the book, it becomes less an academic pursuit of knowledge and more a personal search for a way to deal with the loss from thirty years ago.
If I had known the sad turn the book was going to take, I would not have read it, but as it turned out, Lamb-Shapiro's humor and world-weary attitude kept me reading and by the end I was quite touched by the way she and her father began to deal more openly with something that had been off-limits for so many years.
January 13, 2014
I used to be an aficionado of self-help books. Working in a bookstore put all of them at my fingertips and I looked to them to make my life better. Needless to say, they didn't change my life completely, but I have picked up wisdom along the way that I find useful.
Lamb-Shapiro takes on America's "pull yourself up by your bootstrap" culture by exploring some of the most popular books and seminars out there. Having grown up with a child psychologist father meant that she was already well-versed on the subject, but she wanted to go deeper and see what people are spending so much money on and why. Do these books, retreats, and seminars make us happier, improve our relationships, and increase our (self) worth? What comes to light as she makes this journey is that while her father has made a career of helping people discuss their feelings and trauma, the two of them have never broached the subject of her mother's death when Lamb-Shapiro was a toddler.
I really enjoyed her foray into the world of self-help, especially The Rules seminar (which was hilarious), and I also liked being a voyeur into the healing of the author's own experience.
Lamb-Shapiro takes on America's "pull yourself up by your bootstrap" culture by exploring some of the most popular books and seminars out there. Having grown up with a child psychologist father meant that she was already well-versed on the subject, but she wanted to go deeper and see what people are spending so much money on and why. Do these books, retreats, and seminars make us happier, improve our relationships, and increase our (self) worth? What comes to light as she makes this journey is that while her father has made a career of helping people discuss their feelings and trauma, the two of them have never broached the subject of her mother's death when Lamb-Shapiro was a toddler.
I really enjoyed her foray into the world of self-help, especially The Rules seminar (which was hilarious), and I also liked being a voyeur into the healing of the author's own experience.
May 26, 2014
This is a delightful book. It is by turns an affecting memoir, a historical review of self-help trends over time, and a wry, even-handed, and insightful review of the self-help genre. In discussing "The Secret," and the so-called "law of attraction" she dryly remarks: "In the world of psychology, believing that your mind can control reality is called 'magical thinking.'"
And yet: "We are pattern-seeking creatures, and we want the world to make sense. We readily accept mistruths so that the stories we tell ourselves can add up. [[Rhonda] Byrne [in The Secret] offers her readers an undeniably seductive amount of control over the narrative of their lives, one that is difficult for many, if not all of us, to resist." Bingo -- that nails it.
This is not a smack-down and she is not the slightest bit snarky. In fact, she is so sympathetic to the American penchant for self help, which goes together with one of our founding myths, self-reliance. "We are a nation whose founding document is called the Declaration of Independence. The self-made man epitomizes the American Dream." It explains so much about how vulnerable we are to these ideas. Very worthwhile.
And yet: "We are pattern-seeking creatures, and we want the world to make sense. We readily accept mistruths so that the stories we tell ourselves can add up. [[Rhonda] Byrne [in The Secret] offers her readers an undeniably seductive amount of control over the narrative of their lives, one that is difficult for many, if not all of us, to resist." Bingo -- that nails it.
This is not a smack-down and she is not the slightest bit snarky. In fact, she is so sympathetic to the American penchant for self help, which goes together with one of our founding myths, self-reliance. "We are a nation whose founding document is called the Declaration of Independence. The self-made man epitomizes the American Dream." It explains so much about how vulnerable we are to these ideas. Very worthwhile.
March 30, 2014
The author starts the book by asking us to forget what we think of the self-help genre and be open to the possibility of it being a means for self-betterment and enlightenment, and also be open to the possibility of it being a deceitful enterprise made up by cranks. It's hard not to agree with the second hypothesis when you read her accounts of "The Secret" and "The Rules" and the "Positive Thinking" crowds; the sad and misguided souls who think that the universe owes them everything that they want and all they need to do is wish hard for it; or the various "gurus" and "motivational speakers" who are nothing but loud-mouthed blathering clowns.
There are also other types of self-help that can be genuine and valid and nothing to smirk about. The problem is how one defines self-help. She doesn't get into this discussion. In one chapter of the book she recalls her experience with taking part in a group therapy, under the supervision of certified psychologist, for those who suffer from flight phobia. Is that "self-help"? I don't think so.
There are also other types of self-help that can be genuine and valid and nothing to smirk about. The problem is how one defines self-help. She doesn't get into this discussion. In one chapter of the book she recalls her experience with taking part in a group therapy, under the supervision of certified psychologist, for those who suffer from flight phobia. Is that "self-help"? I don't think so.
January 24, 2014
I was excited to win a free copy of this book from the Goodreads giveaway and started it as soon as it arrived. Even though it was listed as a memoir, I thought it was going to be a history and summary of the self-help movement in America. That was a lot of the book and the author does this with humor, but not a mean, sarcastic take on it, but more of a self-deprecating humor. But this is, actually, more of a memoir. It does discuss a few self-help movements and the history, but it's really about the author's search to overcome some of her own phobias, hang ups, and to come to terms with her mother's death.
While humorous and touching, it did feel a little disjointed going from her father's child development toys to her fear of flying to The Rules and other places.
Great interview with the author on NPR's Fresh Air about this book: http://www.npr.org/2014/01/22/2648787...
While humorous and touching, it did feel a little disjointed going from her father's child development toys to her fear of flying to The Rules and other places.
Great interview with the author on NPR's Fresh Air about this book: http://www.npr.org/2014/01/22/2648787...
December 30, 2016
I loved this book! The author is so genuine I mark this a my new favorite. A passage that I highlighted " no fact in human nature is more characteristic than its willingness to lead be on a chance." And this one reminds me of our current political state however this book was written before the campaign it was written in 2014. "Americans who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name-it. If everyone looks out for themselves, who will help those who can't? A culture of solipsism can quickly become a culture of narcissism. At what point does looking out for number one stop being a wholesome American value and start making you an asshole?"
February 15, 2014
I’d give this 3.5 stars really, but it’s probably worth rounding up rather than down. Although the author faces a death in her own family at a couple of points in the book, this was mostly a light and sometimes humorous read. The self-help industry provides a lot of opportunities for smirking, but she actually keeps a balanced tone and approaches the topic with a pretty open mind while still noting where things get ridiculous.
February 9, 2014
This book doesn't just go on my book shelf, but rather goes on my desk next to Barbara Ehrenreich's "Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking has Undermined America" (Metropolitan Books, 2009) and Oliver Burkeman's "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking" (Faber & Faber, 2013). Thank you for sharing your story and insights Ms. Lamb-Shaprio.
May 22, 2017
mostly entertaining in a way one may find writing by Tina Fey entertaining. little subtle snaps of humor are sprinkled here and there in this book. I listened to an interview with Lamp-Shapiro on Fresh Air and thought Promise Land was going to be more of a critical examination of self culture. yet, like the cover says, this is much more of a memoir. there is some research on the history of self help but the majority of the book is the author's experience interviewing self-help enthusiasts at conferences, the author's own experiences in flight phobia self-help groups, and the authors' father's experiences from being a guest speaker on Dr. Oz to a self-help author himself. Lamb-Shapiro doesn't really seem to come to a conclusion on whether or not self-help really works. the message is mixed. rather, the book concludes with Lamb-Shapiro finding a way to deal with her mother's suicide which reinforces that this is more of a memoir than a research book. I was disappointed as I thought Promise LAnd was going to provide me with a critical examination of self-help books, self care and perhaps even psychological therapy as I am deeply skeptical of the execution of these things myself.
October 27, 2018
This book wasn't even close to what I was expecting: A dissective, distant psychological-analysis of different forms of self-help seeking and where and when it worked and for what social need it did so. What it was was a little weird romp through the author's journey into dipping her toes into a few different groups, books and sessions of self-help in order to make humorous observations and occasionally stark small revelations about her own past.
The author is funny - like socially awkward, happy-to-distantly-observe funny getting thrown into deeply moving situations where everyone around her is so serious that she finds herself on the edges of conforming but still outside enough to realize the weirdness of it all.
Despite being 100% opposite to what I expected, I weirdly enjoyed this book. It wasn't at all what I wanted but it felt like getting sucked into a movie that could have been pretty similar to others if not for a spectacular director with an incredibly distinct style that you just wanted to keep exploring with them to see how *this* director found an ending.
The author is funny - like socially awkward, happy-to-distantly-observe funny getting thrown into deeply moving situations where everyone around her is so serious that she finds herself on the edges of conforming but still outside enough to realize the weirdness of it all.
Despite being 100% opposite to what I expected, I weirdly enjoyed this book. It wasn't at all what I wanted but it felt like getting sucked into a movie that could have been pretty similar to others if not for a spectacular director with an incredibly distinct style that you just wanted to keep exploring with them to see how *this* director found an ending.
January 24, 2018
Loved this. Lamb-Shapiro’s romp through self-help land is appropriately insightful for a non-academic exploration and is often quite funny. The segments of memoir interspersed with the self-help reveal ambivalence that attends an adulthood marked by difficulty and early tragedy. Her analysis of how self-help fits within but also fails an American sense of control and independence reveals that there’s no easy fix, and promises of such are deeply unsatisfying.
November 30, 2024
MVH's never-say-die ethos was dubious but seductive. After all, there is a theory behind the power of the inspirational story, implicit (and often outright acknowledged) in almost every self-help book since pre-Biblical times: that hearing about other people's success gives us hope, and hope is the backbone of perseverance and triumph.
October 26, 2024
Interesting book, it is more about an author’s individual journey than an in-depth look at the field of self-help. Some of her observations on the irony of self-help and it’s sometimes predatory nature are interesting. Would have liked some more numbers-based sections.
September 11, 2017
Meh. Was sent this via a Giveaway, but really couldn't get into it.
January 25, 2019
A joy to read - emotional and funny and heart-wrenching.
January 30, 2019
I really loved the authors sense of humour when jumping in head first to all these self help genres. I learned so much! The end of the book got more serious. If I ever met her I would give her a hug!
March 24, 2020
Quite long winded and a bit repetitive. Not exactly sure what the point is.
November 19, 2020
It was alright. Learned some history, but the writing style was stiff. Short read too.
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August 23, 2021A GREAT book. Definitely a book you should read. Laugh out loud funny and you get to go with her through the journey of healing some of her issues. It's relatable and fun.
September 20, 2023
Not what I usually read but good nonetheless.
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