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How We Choose to Be Happy: The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People--Their Secrets, Their Stories
Two professional training consultants explain how readers can create their own personal definition of happiness and how they can make happiness a central goal in life, illuminating nine fundamental principles that can transform one's attitudes, goals, and experiences. 20,000 first printing. Tour.
227 pages, Hardcover
First published April 5, 1999
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews
May 1, 2010
Recommended in Part 2 of James Baraz’s four-part Happiness talks, this book emphasizes how happiness is a mind state that we consciously choose and foster. The authors hadn’t intended to come up with nine specific choices but realized as they collected their stories that these nine choices came up over and over again and that each of these choices supported and developed the others.
The nine choices are:
1) Intention - having the active desire and commitment to be happy and making the fully conscious decision to choose happiness over unhappiness;
2) Accountability - assuming full responsibility for your actions, thoughts and feelings and the emphatic refusal to blame others for your own unhappiness;
3) Identification – the ongoing process of looking deeply within yourself to assess what makes you uniquely happy, apart from what you’re told by others should make you happy;
4) Centrality – the nonnegotiable insistence on making that which creates happiness central to your life;
5) Recasting – the choice to convert problems into opportunities and challenges and to transform trauma into something meaningful, important and a source of emotional energy;
6) Options – the decision to approach life by creating multiple scenarios, to be open to new possibilities and to adopt a flexible approach to life’s journey;
7) Appreciation – the choice to appreciate deeply your life and the people in it and to stay in the present by turning each experience into something precious;
8) Giving – the choice to share yourself with friends and community and to give to the world at large without expectation of a “return;”
9) Truthfulness – the choice to be honest with yourself and others in an accountable manner by not allowing social, corporate or family demands to violate your internal contract.
While the concepts aren’t revolutionary, the stories and short exercises do serve as good reminders to look at what you’re currently doing that may be working against your own happiness. What defense strategies do you currently employ to shift accountability onto others? Do you know what activities truly make you happy? Or are you more focused on activities that make others happy instead? If you know what makes you happy, are you focusing your time on those activities? If not, what’s stopping you? What really scares you and what would help you cope more effectively? When you face a problem, have you allowed yourself to acknowledge and feel everything related to that problem? Have you learned anything from this difficult situation, have you been prompted to make positive changes? Instead of expecting a certain outcome, can you be open to seeing new opportunities in unforeseen situations? When have you felt most alive? What do you most appreciate and have you expressed your appreciation? What can you give in the moment? Who do you pretend to be and what is the truth about yourself?
I really enjoyed the Options chapter and the emphasis on life being an adventure and having a mind set of being open to the surprises in life, rather than having everything planned out and missing everything else as a result. I find after the Identification and Centrality chapters that I spend more time thinking specifically about what would make me happy in each situation and how I could spend my time better to strengthen those habits. The Appreciation and Giving chapters together have heightened my awareness of both how much I appreciate the people in my life and how I want to give back with my attention and time. The Truthfulness chapter has reinforced how central honesty, to myself and others, is to maintaining my integrity and a joyful mind state.
A quick and enjoyable read.
The nine choices are:
1) Intention - having the active desire and commitment to be happy and making the fully conscious decision to choose happiness over unhappiness;
2) Accountability - assuming full responsibility for your actions, thoughts and feelings and the emphatic refusal to blame others for your own unhappiness;
3) Identification – the ongoing process of looking deeply within yourself to assess what makes you uniquely happy, apart from what you’re told by others should make you happy;
4) Centrality – the nonnegotiable insistence on making that which creates happiness central to your life;
5) Recasting – the choice to convert problems into opportunities and challenges and to transform trauma into something meaningful, important and a source of emotional energy;
6) Options – the decision to approach life by creating multiple scenarios, to be open to new possibilities and to adopt a flexible approach to life’s journey;
7) Appreciation – the choice to appreciate deeply your life and the people in it and to stay in the present by turning each experience into something precious;
8) Giving – the choice to share yourself with friends and community and to give to the world at large without expectation of a “return;”
9) Truthfulness – the choice to be honest with yourself and others in an accountable manner by not allowing social, corporate or family demands to violate your internal contract.
While the concepts aren’t revolutionary, the stories and short exercises do serve as good reminders to look at what you’re currently doing that may be working against your own happiness. What defense strategies do you currently employ to shift accountability onto others? Do you know what activities truly make you happy? Or are you more focused on activities that make others happy instead? If you know what makes you happy, are you focusing your time on those activities? If not, what’s stopping you? What really scares you and what would help you cope more effectively? When you face a problem, have you allowed yourself to acknowledge and feel everything related to that problem? Have you learned anything from this difficult situation, have you been prompted to make positive changes? Instead of expecting a certain outcome, can you be open to seeing new opportunities in unforeseen situations? When have you felt most alive? What do you most appreciate and have you expressed your appreciation? What can you give in the moment? Who do you pretend to be and what is the truth about yourself?
I really enjoyed the Options chapter and the emphasis on life being an adventure and having a mind set of being open to the surprises in life, rather than having everything planned out and missing everything else as a result. I find after the Identification and Centrality chapters that I spend more time thinking specifically about what would make me happy in each situation and how I could spend my time better to strengthen those habits. The Appreciation and Giving chapters together have heightened my awareness of both how much I appreciate the people in my life and how I want to give back with my attention and time. The Truthfulness chapter has reinforced how central honesty, to myself and others, is to maintaining my integrity and a joyful mind state.
A quick and enjoyable read.
August 6, 2017
I read self-help books as a hobby. I don't think that most of them are worth much. But there are two which I think everyone should read; Learned Optimism and this book.
It's simple. It's comprehensive. It's easily applied. It's the most useful book on happiness that I have ever read.
Don't bother with any others. Too much fretting about happiness ruins the whole point of it. Just two books, and then relaxing and enjoying.
(P.S. This book is paradigm-neutral, so religious people may disagree with the choices made by some of the people in this book. But the book itself is about the principles behind those choices, and they are useful to every person with any perspective. In the last chapter they do mention that all these choices will be played out with the rest of your character and beliefs.)
It's simple. It's comprehensive. It's easily applied. It's the most useful book on happiness that I have ever read.
Don't bother with any others. Too much fretting about happiness ruins the whole point of it. Just two books, and then relaxing and enjoying.
(P.S. This book is paradigm-neutral, so religious people may disagree with the choices made by some of the people in this book. But the book itself is about the principles behind those choices, and they are useful to every person with any perspective. In the last chapter they do mention that all these choices will be played out with the rest of your character and beliefs.)
August 4, 2021
This book is written by two corporate guys. They are not doctors, therapists, counselors, or spiritual leaders. They're two guys who run corporate workshops and decided to write a book about some of the people they've met in their line of work.
There are some good ideas here, but ultimately I found the book to be superficial. Dozens of case studies interspersed with quotations from poets, philosophers, and "Katharine Hepburn's mother" (the authors didn't bother to find out her first name) do not equal meaningful guidance.
This book is highly rated, but I have to wonder how many readers were successful in implementing the authors' ideas over the long term. As for me, I'll be more careful to check author qualifications before buying this kind of book again.
There are some good ideas here, but ultimately I found the book to be superficial. Dozens of case studies interspersed with quotations from poets, philosophers, and "Katharine Hepburn's mother" (the authors didn't bother to find out her first name) do not equal meaningful guidance.
This book is highly rated, but I have to wonder how many readers were successful in implementing the authors' ideas over the long term. As for me, I'll be more careful to check author qualifications before buying this kind of book again.
May 24, 2021
This is a great book to read for everyone. The authors explain how it is a choice and what can you do to make those choices.
July 7, 2008
Well done, research-based, and full of a lot of truth. It all comes down to a few things, all put together. Begin with the intention (I intend to be happy!), follow it up with accountability (Situations and events may be outside my control, but my reaction is nobody else's but my own; nobody can "make" me mad...)
This is a good book for anyone who considers themselves a very happy person most of the time (as I see myself), but it may also help some of those who think the world's against them--to tell them that changing perspective and expectations for yourself can happen, but, again, it's up to you to choose your mood, your role in life, your reaction to what happens (good or bad) in your life. Stop blaming your inlaws, your children, your co-workers, etc--pick up this book and enjoy life!
This is a good book for anyone who considers themselves a very happy person most of the time (as I see myself), but it may also help some of those who think the world's against them--to tell them that changing perspective and expectations for yourself can happen, but, again, it's up to you to choose your mood, your role in life, your reaction to what happens (good or bad) in your life. Stop blaming your inlaws, your children, your co-workers, etc--pick up this book and enjoy life!
January 17, 2012
Perhaps my favorite book of all time. Such a manifesto to the power of choice. I have read it several times over the years and have found each read adds new perspective and reveals new details. I will certainly read again!
April 15, 2009
There are some solid suggestions here for choices one can make to be more happy in day-to-day life, no matter what the circumstances of one's existence. However, in the final analysis, this is little more than an old-fashioned exercise in values clarification, which is valuable in and of itself, but is no panacea. Perhaps some of us are born with a more refined tendency toward cheerfulness than others. Or maybe we really can make choices which steer us in that direction. Perhaps happiness is not really the point. Perhaps our goal should be something different, like understanding or acceptance or love. That all of these are part of this book's formula for happiness may or may not be relevant. The risk always is that if we do not find what we are looking for in a book like this, we will simply abandon its strategies for the next simulacrum held out to us. Unless such a system offers a holistic path, it is hard to see how ultimate fulfillment can be achieved thereby. Humans have been seeking the answers to the why of our existence and the how do I live here now, as well, for as long as we have been sentient. May we all find the answers we seek.
November 27, 2008
I know, what a dorky book to be reading. I hate reading these sort of books in public because I'm afraid people will think I'm horribly depressed and looking for answers.
I read a review of this and it sounded interesting - an informal study which demonstrated the choices made by happy people in all walks of life. It is interesting, and I enjoyed it. However, the language the "stories" of the everyday happy people are written in is obviously that of the authors rather than the speakers themselves - it makes them all blend together a little.
Not a must read, and doesn't necessarily put forward anything new about living a happy life, but I think it puts the elements of happiness together in a different way.
I read a review of this and it sounded interesting - an informal study which demonstrated the choices made by happy people in all walks of life. It is interesting, and I enjoyed it. However, the language the "stories" of the everyday happy people are written in is obviously that of the authors rather than the speakers themselves - it makes them all blend together a little.
Not a must read, and doesn't necessarily put forward anything new about living a happy life, but I think it puts the elements of happiness together in a different way.
March 22, 2009
I like the idea of this book -- these two guys went around asking "who is the happiest person you know?" They then tracked down hundreds of these people and interviewed them to find out how they think. Some chapters resonated more for me than others, and when all is said and done, it seems to be a book about good mental hygiene, which isn't quite the same thing as happiness. I liked the chapter on accountability -- happy people don't blame others for their problems; and the chapter on identification -- happy people know what makes them happy. Although these seem obvious, it certainly seems that people without those two skills, don't seem very happy. There's also no mention of the physiological aspects of happiness, despite the proven effects of exercise, yoga and the like on mood.
September 9, 2007
Some people will just always scoff at self-help books, and that's fine. I get it. This one was good at laying out steps for clarifying my thinking and laying out a path to help people make themselves happier more consistently - in short, it's about realizing that you have control of your life, finding what makes you happy, and committing yourself to putting those things in a central role in your life.
May 20, 2012
I'm not a fan of self-help books because they seem to be so instructive. How We Choose to Be Happy is different, I guess it's in the title - how we choose vs. how to be. This book will be one of those books that I'll read more than once, it's nice to get yourself back on the right path every now and then.
I highly recommend this introspective- uplifting book to everyone, those that are looking for their happiness as well as those who've found it.
I highly recommend this introspective- uplifting book to everyone, those that are looking for their happiness as well as those who've found it.
August 12, 2015
I've got my work cut out for me.
May 8, 2021
Read this yrs ago when it first came out. And this yr 2021 it was still on my shelf and I was out of library books to read so decided to read it again and really enjoyed it again. The nine choices and all the narrative stories were very good. I tend to be a bit on the negative focus on what's wrong anxious kind of person. And I'm pretty tired of that. So while I love complimenting others and have been working on being more generous and less withholding I know there's still alot more to work on and these tenets gave me some direction which while requiring some consciousness and effort are bound to make me feel happier which is not a word that I ever would of used to describe myself. And the human services work I do with people who are mired in victimhood and blaming and are depressed and anxious and have many self destructive patterns Im helpless to "fix" but modeling being happier and less judgmental should help me and them. So this is a positive and not a "pollyanna" or "just be happy" book.
October 23, 2018
**This book does not make you happy, but it can help you choose to be happy.**
I appreciate my class for letting us read this book. I’ve always been on the search for “what is happiness” and the truth behind optimism. This book is a revelation to what “happiness” is. If you are soul searching, this book can be a guidance.
It gives studies and researches, interviews from extremely happy people, The 9 Choices, philosophies and quotations.
Happiness isn’t knowing every good and bad, or memorizing the whole book, but it’s from the inner self.
Control the mind, heal the heart, and choose to be happy.
I appreciate my class for letting us read this book. I’ve always been on the search for “what is happiness” and the truth behind optimism. This book is a revelation to what “happiness” is. If you are soul searching, this book can be a guidance.
It gives studies and researches, interviews from extremely happy people, The 9 Choices, philosophies and quotations.
Happiness isn’t knowing every good and bad, or memorizing the whole book, but it’s from the inner self.
Control the mind, heal the heart, and choose to be happy.
March 28, 2021
Well written book that tells you 9 choices and habits that truly happy people have. It does a great job to show that it is a choice and one that we need to make daily. The book also provides exercises to help you practice these principles in your daily life. One thing that I loved about the book is that the authors used real examples of real people who make that choice daily. I also liked that these people are honest, one of the choices, that they are often imperfect but they keep striving every day. I also like that the author said how these choices are practiced can be deeply personal and that we need to find the beat to our own happiness drum.
October 31, 2018
Reading suggested by a psychologist. Significant overlap with CBT, which I see as a good thing. I've memorized the nine choices: intention, accountability, identification, centrality, recasting, options, appreciation, giving, and truthfulness. Some of them I had already internalized a long time ago. Others were neglected and I needed to learn them again. Each of the chapters could practically become a book on its own right. But this book provided a relatively quick overview and helps you identify the areas where you might learn or improve.
January 1, 2019
I found this book in a used bookstore when I was in a really sad place; 2017 was a rough year. It sat on my shelf for more than a year, unread. I finally took this book with me on a trip, and took notes - it really helped me rethink happiness and choice. I am not sure I will always be as happy as the people described in this book, but it is certainly inspiring and even attainable. They aren't trying to say that "everything is awesome," just that it's a choice how we react and respond to life. I really enjoyed this bright spot in my reading.
July 18, 2017
Truly an amazing book, the only reason I didn't give it 5 stars is because it is not written necessarily from a Scriptural viewpoint. The content, however, is very Biblical and well worth reading, especially for someone like me who struggles with such things as other people's opinions, duty, and working in a field I don't always feel to be up to the challenge.
The book can be summarized by the following quote: "Success doesn't bring happiness; happiness brings success."
The book can be summarized by the following quote: "Success doesn't bring happiness; happiness brings success."
August 1, 2021
Thanks to my friend for this recommendation.. a brilliant book on how we choose to be happy and I'm glad that I'm on the right path..
We have the power to choose!
Happiness is a gift to be in the present, to enjoy the moment and to live life to the fullest.
Thank you for the lovely stories and for helping me know that I'm happy and will always be happy, no matter the circumstances because I have the power to choose.
We have the power to choose!
Happiness is a gift to be in the present, to enjoy the moment and to live life to the fullest.
Thank you for the lovely stories and for helping me know that I'm happy and will always be happy, no matter the circumstances because I have the power to choose.
April 2, 2019
I loved reading this book. The 9 choices are brilliant and pure gold! I have learned how to apply them to my own life, as well as helping others realize their potential. This book will help you become a happier person as well as a great leader. If you can encompass all the 9 choices happy people make, life will be beautiful!
July 15, 2023
This book was written in 1999 and I found it at a local used book fair. I picked it up because it sounded interesting since I enjoy reading and writing about purpose and meaning in life. I enjoyed the book, and it helped me think a little differently about making choices that line up with the real you.
November 22, 2017
Good book, lots of motivational stuff and work pages. However, some of this seems a little played up. Not enough stories about average people, mostly about people who become super successful doing things out of the ordinary.
October 21, 2020
I am not into self help books, but I can not believe how good this book really is!!! Simple read with stories of individuals and taking responsibility without the baggage of being judged. You are only accountable to yourself. During COVID a good book to read.
February 22, 2021
Nunca gostei de livros de auto ajuda e só esse conceito me dá arrepios carregados de preconceitos herdados. Contudo, ler este livro foi como deixar de ter tunnel vision. Foi um abrir o formato do ecrã do meu cérebro e passar a ver tudo em full HD 16:9. Só espero não me esquecer do que li.
September 11, 2018
Priceless information here. I think it should be required reading for life.
March 24, 2019
Details 9 choices which truly happy people make.
April 22, 2020
Hands down, the BEST book I've ever read in my life!
January 17, 2023
Nice book with thinking methods to decide to be happy
December 24, 2024
Another book read for my work! Give it a read - I bet you'll find some good nuggets to take away!
October 1, 2024
happiness is a choice that doesn't always have to be made
that's the main takeaway i got from this. it's really easy to get so caught up in the little problems of our daily lives: in the short responses we get from our loved ones to the toast we burn and the overpriced coffee which turned out to be disgusting. it's all about choosing to see the good in every situation if we want to live the happiest lives possible and taking each day as it is: a gift, a blessing, a lovely day to be alive
it's not always about the laughs and the smiles with the people who you feel at ease being around, it's times when you're around people who see the world as a big grey cloud and despite this you still choose to smile in their direction, you stand up for the girl that's being gossiped about by a group of people, you wait for that friend that needs to tie her shoes, you do the things that are beneficial for your growth despite the discomfort, you smile through the tedious chores
it's all about reframing the mind in situations where you could complain, moan, stress but instead you choose to laugh, smile and breathe. surrender yourself to the things u can't change, the things that are hard but good for you
that's the main takeaway i got from this. it's really easy to get so caught up in the little problems of our daily lives: in the short responses we get from our loved ones to the toast we burn and the overpriced coffee which turned out to be disgusting. it's all about choosing to see the good in every situation if we want to live the happiest lives possible and taking each day as it is: a gift, a blessing, a lovely day to be alive
it's not always about the laughs and the smiles with the people who you feel at ease being around, it's times when you're around people who see the world as a big grey cloud and despite this you still choose to smile in their direction, you stand up for the girl that's being gossiped about by a group of people, you wait for that friend that needs to tie her shoes, you do the things that are beneficial for your growth despite the discomfort, you smile through the tedious chores
it's all about reframing the mind in situations where you could complain, moan, stress but instead you choose to laugh, smile and breathe. surrender yourself to the things u can't change, the things that are hard but good for you
Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews