Over the Influence: Why Social Media is Toxic for Women and Girls--And How We Can Take it Back

by Kara Alaimo

This essential book is a rallying cry for women to recognize and reject the ways social media is being weaponized against them—and instead wield it to empower themselves.

Many women and girls are trying to unplug, from low-tech weekends to Instagram hiatuses and screen time alerts. But disconnecting from the influence of social media is way more complicated than deleting or restricting access to an app.

In Over the Influence, Kara Alaimo demonstrates how social media affects every aspect of women’s lives—from their relationships and parenting to their physical and mental wellbeing. It's a book about what it means to live in the world social media has created–whether one is constantly connected or has deleted accounts forever. Alaimo shows why women are more likely than men to get fewer followers. She explains how fake news is crafted to prey on women’s vulnerabilities. And she reveals why so much of the content women find in their feeds is specifically designed to hold them back.

Over the Influence calls on women to recognize and call out the subtle (and not-so-subtle) sexism, misogyny, and disinformation found online and use their platforms to empower themselves and other women.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Technology, Audiobook, Feminism, Social Media, Professional Development

336 pages, Hardcover

Published March 5, 2024

Reviews

[Laurel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I knew social media got bad vibes for being bad for mental health, but Over the Influence took this to a whole new level. In Over the influence Alaimo explains how social media has been built to benefit men, and how this has devastating consequences. Using research and interviews Alaimo takes readers through a journey of how women are not safe using social media from dating apps to Facebook. I appreciate that she has action steps at the end of each chapter so it doesn't feel all doom and gloom. Her main takeaway- it is up to women to protect ourselves from the toxic media environment. I would recommend this book for anyone who uses social media in its various forms.

[Elizabeth Summers · Rating 4 out of 5]

full disclosure: thought I requested Jojo's new memoir.
BUT this was a terrific read - with a lot of great practical advice.

it will make you mad.

[Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, I learned so much from this book! Influencer culture is such a hot topic right now, and it was fascinating to see the author deconstruct the notion while examining the feminine/mother aspect of it. This type of non-fiction is always worth the read. Alaimo did an excellent job of discussing the culture!

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 3 out of 5]

An okay read.

[jenna williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is probably actually a five star book but honestly it just depressed me too much i wanted some positivity at the end that things can and will and are getting better and like okay there was a little teeny tiny bit of that but not nearly enough

[Markie · Rating 4 out of 5]

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[Veronica · Rating 5 out of 5]

For me, social media has been an overwhelmingly positive experience. And I told Kara Alaimo as much when she talked to me for her new book, Over the Influence. I am quoted in this book. Yet, I know that for many women and girls, social media has not been the place to find your girl gang, rather a place where you are ganged up on. Alaimo does an excellent job at documenting the dark side of social media. But her mom blogging chapter sells that moment short. And misses midwives in the OB/GYN vs home delivery debate. Over the Influence has recommendations on how to build a better social media site. I hope the team at BlueSky reads Over the Influence to avoid replicating the issues on the bird app. I have issues with some of Alaimo's Dateline-like conclusions. For that I wish I could give this a 4.5 star review. The issues are real and it's really shitty out here for too many non-hetcis folks. Hoping this book helps us get closer to solving them.

[Lawrence Lewis · Rating 3 out of 5]

(Audible) Very serious subject, which was somewhat lost in the denigration of men. The author, who is a college professor, minimizes the negative impact that women have on women on-line and in social media. In her view it is primarily the patriarchy and negative (read 90%) men that create the toxicity women experience on social media.

In my naïveté, I continue to think that the sharing of good ideas is a noble, worthwhile pursuit. Books like this let me know it is all about echo chambers in 2024. The book was not written for me (black male professional), doesn’t anticipate I will read it and clearly doesn’t care if it is offensive, insofar as it categorically condemns men.

Not sure why the author is obsessed with women running for political positions when money runs America, but the author repeatedly discusses parents not posting embarrassing things that might impede their daughter’s chance to become President or a senator. I suspect is may have been more useful to address the friendship famine that exists for the majority of women, rather than the political aspirations of a few dozen women, but that suggestion may be what she seems as patriarchy.

The author makes the point that sexting is child porn and may be prosecuted as such, a point I made 10 years ago in 2014 at a talk at Archer High School in Georgia (see Lawrence Lewis Attorney Sexting on YouTube). The only reason I make reference to the talk posted on YouTube is the authors repeated emphasis on giving credit to women (I assume she also means men) who original constructed an idea or dance or invention. That last sentence should demonstrate that I, in fact, complete the book.

I have to address some of the crazy things that were reduced to writing in the book: (1) women primarily do sex work on-line and Only Fans because their body will not allow them to perform a 9-5 job (their disability forces them to do Only fans); and (2) beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated women are freezing their eggs and falling for catfish scams on-line because…(her reason: men are toxic and evil and cannot appreciate the value of this type of woman) (Kevin Samuels reason: she has overvalued herself and at 35 has no chance of securing a high value man, which is why, in her desperation, she is falling for foolishness on-line). The author, who knows about but clearly ignores red pill content on-line, makes mention of her beautiful, erudite, successful female friend, who is now in her early 30s, and describes her as being disadvantaged in the internet dating world. I know the author doesn’t listen to the now-deceased Kevin Samuels, otherwise she would know her friend, who wants to be in a serious relationship with a man, created her own disadvantage by passing on suitable men for fourteen (14) years - age 18 to 32. Now that she has developed into the woman that other women, like the author admires, doesn’t mean that men will value that. MEN DON’T VALUE WHAT WOMEN VALUE, and they are not going to change their values because women used their 20s and early 30s to chase their dreams. That part of the book struck such a discordant note in my head.

In the end, I don’t think the author makes many good points for not abandoning social media. With 5 billion people on social media, the only answer is to get off completely if you don’t want “any” idiots to have access to you.

[Morgan Gres · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kara Alaimo's book "​​'Over the Influence: Why Social Media is Toxic for Women and Girls – And How We Can Take It Back" delves into the negative effects of social media on women, girls, and nonbinary individuals. Released in March 2024, the book explores how social media reinforces sexism, misogyny, and damaging stereotypes, impacting women's personal lives, mental well-being, professional growth, and societal standing.
While the Internet has influenced society in many ways, Alaimo says that social media has had a detrimental impact on women and girls. She delves into how these platforms have evolved into toxic environments, with their long-term effects only just beginning to surface.
Alaimo, a communication professor at Fairleigh Dickinson University and CNN Opinion contributor, draws from her own experiences, academic expertise, and interviews to analyze how social media influences women at various life stages. She tackles the harmful effects of influencer culture and the potential risks and consequences of social media.
In "Over the Influence," Alaimo addresses many topics, such as: body image and social media, judgment and misogyny, dating and sexual violence, and misinformation targeting women. Social media motivates people to compare themselves, which leads to many young girls and women to sexualize themselves in order to get likes and validation. The constant focus on appearance on these apps in the digital world leads to a culture of negative views on our bodies in the physical world, which has often resulted in surgery and eating disorders. Social media encourages the judgment and online shaming of women because it constantly magnifies a woman's appearance. Women experience harsher criticism than men, and the amplified misogynistic online communities have not stayed online which has led to violence in the physical world by radicalized “incels”.
The book discusses the dangers that women face when it comes to online dating. She talks about catfishing, sexual violence, and the exploitation of women through sextortion. I really admire how Alaimo gives us real life stories of women who have experienced sexual assault by people they have met on dating apps. She also addresses an important conversation around the lack of responsibility held by tech companies in these situations. This book also dissects an important topic that is often left out in these conversations: how misinformation specifically targets mothers. Alamio says because mothers are targeted, it influences them to make possible life threatening decisions. An example used is, Anti-Vaccine movements, she says by spreading disinformation it manipulates a woman's emotions and capitalizes on their fears.
Alaimo doesn't suggest women deleting their social media because of these issues. She recommends changing who we follow, thinking about our posts, and addressing online sexism/ misogyny differently. "Over the Influence" is an informative book, urging women to take control of their online experience. This book addresses the negative effects of social media on women and girls, but offers a positive attitude towards change. It's a must read for people who are passionate/interested in gender equality and the impact of social media on society.

[JessQueen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Over The Influence by Kara Alaimo

As a part of the ALC program by @librofm I had the opportunity to connect with @karaalaimo and read one of the most powerful books I’ve read in 2024.

In the introduction Alaimo goes over a huge variety of topics that go from social networks to sex crimes. From misinformation for mommies to Meta misogyny.

This book is a call to all of us to stay alert and be very careful on our daily lives. Alaimo opened my eyes and shed light over so many ugly topics, sometimes we choose to ignore out of fear of the unknown.

Right from the beginning Alaimo makes a call on stopping oversharing our perfect lives online. They are not. Everybody knows it! And on top of that, we don’t need to adhere to unachievable stereotypes to fit o be loved by people whose only concern is creating “aspirational content to make a living”.

This book is a must read for all women and educators, in my case I tick both squares, as it’s an extremely useful tool to teach this generation and our generation what are we supposed to expect from our workplaces, HR, coworkers and management.

Understanding women’s rights is only the tip of the iceberg. It is imperative for all of us to get united under the same flag: we are women, some of us are mothers, some of us are married, some of us do not want any of the previous mentioned. However, we are all women. Underpaid, underrated, unappreciated, and all of that combined sometimes makes us feel six feet under.

My thoughts 💭

You deserve that promotion!
You look amazing as you are!
I love how you express your ideas so clearly!
Your pictures are hilarious! I love how you keep it real!

⚠️
If something happens to you, speak up!
If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, report it. If you are not satisfied with the outcome, don’t stop.

I loved this book beginning to end and I strongly recommend it!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 @librofm @karaalaimo

QOTD: How aware you feel of the perfection you need to show the world about your life, motherhood and marriage?

[Jingsi Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredibly moving book, packed with careful research and a wide net of expert voices that the author skillfully procured and weaved together. It was empowering and almost cathartic to read about stuff that people are intuitively aware of but brush off as “things that they can do little to change”.
In this book, Kara Alaimo manages to strike a beautiful balance between objective research and personal perspectives, allowing readers to make sense of the bigger-picture structural issues that go beyond the social media universe as well as reconcile with their personal struggles, whether from the perspective of a woman, a parent, or simply a concerned citizen. Starting with “knowledge is power”, Alaimo writes gracefully yet compellingly with a panoply of actionable information that the reader will be armed with in arriving at more informed principles about their personal social media engagement, having more educated dialogues with fellow social media users, and in not so trivial manners making meaningful changes in the new disorienting world rewired by social media connections by the minute.
Although the book is specifically thematized around women’s and girls’ relationship with social media, it is a must read for everyone, for social media are increasingly becoming an immensely powerful actor in the web of complex social relations and today’s divisive politics. In that sense, this book tells the stories of gender and sexuality, race, education, workplace, parenthood, health, crime, politics, technology, and much much more. I therefore highly recommend it to everyone!

[Carolyn Kanon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok, I will start with a personal note: the author is someone in my family.

That’s not why I gave it five stars.

When I concluded the book, my first thought was, “I hope to see a second edition come out soon updating us on how these issues have been addressed by lawmakers, tech and social media companies, and misogynists themselves.” I daresay I will not be holding my breath.

If you are a woman reading this review, you likely already know a lot of what is in this book, because you’ve experienced it yourself. While I have never been stalked on social media or threatened really, and believe me, I’ve made my opinions known on countless posts, there is a whole chapter devoted to online dating that I swear I could have written, that’s how much I related to it.

The facts Alaimo lays out are disheartening for sure. There is a backlash to feminism that has been going on full throttle ever since the MAGA movement started. So we’ve been pushed back down the hill we’ve been climbing for so long. Younger generations of women now have fewer rights than older ones enjoyed for decades. And then there’s the whole trad movement that unfortunately is being spread some of the time by other women.

But what’s important in the book is that at the end of each chapter, Alaimo lays out things that each of us can do to counteract it, to change our laws and policies, and to change attitudes. We can’t wait on this. Online harassment has already cost too many lives and silenced too many female voices.

This book is a very important read and a wake-up call.

[Janneke Beer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a hugely important book that focuses on the relationship between women and social media, and how the internet came to be a toxic space for women. It explores the infrastructure that currently exists, the addictive, almost gamified nature of social media, and the context in which it came to exist. Its extensive use of interviews and perspectives of the women who have experienced the toxicity of the digital world firsthand also lend an authenticity and earnestness to the book's message.

While the book does a good job calling out the current state of social media and digital spaces, it stops short of fully examining how the internet came to be this way. It does call out that those developing digital spaces are primarily white and male, but doesn't look at the more systemic issues that are harder to solve. As a result, some of the suggestions in the "what can we do" sections feel like band-aids rather than actual solutions, or like ideas that likely have more unforeseen consequences than the author might expect. However, that there is a "what can we do" section is empowering and still provides several useful and workable solutions, especially on an individual level.

If you're not familiar with the ins and outs of social media, and why it's a toxic and dangerous space, I highly recommend this book. If you're more of a digital native, some of the suggestions and stories might seem a bit shallow, but the narratives throughout help emphasise and highlight why this conversation matters, and the impact this topic has on women throughout the world.

[Courtney Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to Librarything for the ARC.

I highly recommend Over The Influence to women and young girls who frequent social media. For the past few years, I have wrestled with the idea of whether or not I truly enjoy social media in the day and age of influencer marketing and culture and toxic masculinity. While I do enjoy certain aspects of social media, I find it extremely hateful, depressing and insincere. It's like the author of Over the Influence read my mind, and then some. Kara Alaimo does a fantastic job of highlighting the the toxic infrastructure of the world wide web and why it is so harmful women, especially young women, with facts and sources to back up her claims. Not only did she give me many things to think about in my own relationship with social media that I had not thought about before but she also gives thoughtful insight on how to combat all the issues she brings up to change social media, and ourselves, for the better. This is a very important must read, in my opinon.

[Gabriela Seguesse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this audiobook thanks to Libro.fm's ALC program. Thank you so much!

When I started listening to "Over the Influence," I thought it was going to be an "obvious" book, in the sense that it's pretty obvious that social media, although bad for everyone in general, is worse for women. I thought the author was going to focus on the fact that websites such as Instagram make women feel bad about their appearances and bodies.

However, there's more to social media's toxicity than meets the eye. Several times, this book made me feel appalled and furious with the statistics and cases Alaimo presented to illustrate her arguments. She doesn't just cover how comparing oneself to celebrities and influencers, for example, negatively affects young girls' self-esteem, which has been covered a lot already, but goes deeper than the problem with filters and Photoshop. Alaimo covers the problem with sextortionists, predators on dating apps, catfishers, hate comments, cyberbullying, how the internet aids in sex crimes, how fake news and anti-vaxxers target mothers in particular by taking advantage of the pressure women feel to be the perfect mother, which is heightened by influencer culture, and so much more. What made me absolutely frustrated is the knowledge that politicians and app makers are aware of these problems but don't do anything to change the landscape and make the online space safer for women.

I appreciate Alaimo's inclusion of "solutions" to each theme at the end of the chapters. This book is absolutely necessary, and I'd recommend it to anyone. Not only is the subject important nowadays, but the writing is easy and fast.

Bookstagram.

[Hailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I might delete all my social media and not let my children have phones until they’re 18. Was that the message of the book? Not at all. But social media is so terrible.

My only real criticism of this book was that I wish it had used a different citation style. This was such an interesting book but it did bother me that the stats that were listed quite consistently were not always given context. Numbers don’t really mean anything if I don’t know where they’re coming from. Using stats and quotes from all over the place did lose me a little bit as I was trying to keep track of things. I need a chicago footnote to keep me on track. And also to keep me from having to flip to the back to check where a stat actually came from. This was a book about fact checking and I shall continue to do that. BUT I did think this was really informative and important and I am probably going to make my whole family read it so. Grain of salt!

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded to 3 ⭐⭐⭐

Over the Influence by Kara Alaimo
Genre ~ Self-Help, Computers/Internet, Adult Non-Fiction
Publication date ~ March 5, 2024
Page Count ~ 336

I was hopeful that Over the Influence by Kara Alaimo would provide much needed guidance on the topic of social media influence on women and girls and provide education for risk management of our vulnerable female youth. What I found however, was myself losing interest several times and having difficulty picking it back up. Maybe I expected too much? Like some light bulb moments and insider tips? While the author has an extensive background and broad knowledge of the subject matter, the delivery was a miss for me.
Many thanks to Netgalley and Alcove Press for the eARC. All opinions expressed are authentically my own.

[Jennifer Falk · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sobering read about the internet's evolution into a hostile environment for women that urges reflection from parents like myself as we navigate the complex decision of when and how to introduce our children to smartphones and online platforms. Alaimo's book serves as a reminder of the glaring inadequacies in addressing the detrimental effects of social media on our children's mental well-being and self-worth, particularly concerning our daughters. "Over the Influence" doesn't just lay out the issues; it also contains real-life accounts and actionable strategies to create meaningful change in our digital landscapes.

[Ellie Coggins Angus · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely an interesting and timely read for our ages. I enjoyed the audio version of this read. I’m not sure if any of the info was brand new, but it was a great collection of both research and anecdotes that presented a case for why social media was never designed with women in mind. It also provided valuable tips for staying safe online, keeping your kids (particularly girls) safe, and what needs to change at software companies, in the government/law enforcement, and socially for the internet to be a more protected place for women and other underrepresented groups.

[Jessa Franco · Rating 3 out of 5]

It confirmed a lot of what I already knew with statistics, individual accounts, etc. The call to action left me feeling powerless. The advice is the same you always hear because the only people who can provide real solutions are the tech companies. If I wasn’t so intrenched in social media research, the advice might have felt more empowering. I would probably recommend it to younger generations just getting on social media so that they’re prepared for everything they are in for and can read the advice from a professional as opposed to their parents/caregiver.

[Dora Okeyo · Rating 4 out of 5]

For someone who has been affected by other people's expectations of me, reading this book was a very good insight into social media and the influence it has on young girls. Before the millennium, we did not have such exposure and real time feedback on photos, our opinions or every day in your face look at people- like we do today and I love how the author explored the effects this has on young girls and her call for us to do better.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.

[Jessica Pineda · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded to 3 as someone who has worked in social media field for several years I have an understanding how flawed the internet as a whole is for women and girls. The author did a great job at sharing that take as well however I felt like the "how we can take it back" part fell flat I wish there was more about how and what that looks like and maybe showcase some more examples. Overall an interesting read

[Lydia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very informative and well-organized but overall lacking in solutions; About 95% of the book is a deep-dive into how terrifyingly toxic the internet and social media can be to women and girls and how tech companies take little to no responsibility. Only about 5% is about how to manage the dangers online. My biggest problem with the book is that the author assumes that women who do not share her political and social views must be brainwashed by the internet.

[Judith Balkin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Over the influence is a wake up call for women using social media to discover the insidious ways they are being undermined, kept down, and exposed to danger. This book is a must read for all women on how to protect themselves in this hostile landscape. It’s a clarion call for a reordering of the misogynistic social media women are exposed to. Brava!!

[Rosalinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a good complement to The Anxious Generation. I like that it doesn't aim to make us avoid social media but rather gives ideas about fighting back and using it to our benefit, not detriment. The policy side seems a bit idealistic (under present circumstances), but I hope we eventually get there.

[Laura Wheeler · Rating 4 out of 5]

36th (audio)book of 2025
All about how women and girls post, consume, and are treated on social media platforms. Some good food for thought here about issues I mostly knew about already but hadn't yet taken a deep dove into. The dive into dating apps got me thinking about some new issues. I liked the list at the end of dos & don'ts to be saavy on social media.

[Judith Balkin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Over the influence is a wake up call for women using social media to discover the insidious ways they are being undermined, kept down, and exposed to danger. This book is a must read for all women on how to protect themselves in this hostile landscape. It’s a clarion call for a reordering of the misogynistic social media women are exposed to. Brava!!

[StylesPlenty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Alcove Press for the ARC.
This book at times was very informational and other times it just that should be common sense.
The book will help with the challenges we have now and how it will affect our lives.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars...

Some VERY valuable sections (concrete advice re how to deal with social media as it is and the sorts of reforms we must be pushing for) along with some that felt less researched and more alarmist. Worth the read, especially for tips on online dating...

[Kelly McLoughlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

We have radically utterly failed young girls and all women. I learned so much and I am so saddened by the state of social media and the Internet. Alaimo proposes solutions but it is hard to believe those will come to fruition. I’m going ghost on socials (besides GoodReads ofc I would never leave)