Facing Shame: Families in Recovery

by Merle A. Fossum, Marilyn J. Mason

"This book will be helpful to all practitioners of psychological services and to all persons who wish to understand their dilemnas better." ―Virginia M. Satir Families that return for treatment time and again often have problems that seem unrelated―such as compulsive, addictive, or abusive behaviors―but that are linked by an underlying process of shame. Comparing the shame-bound family system with the respectful family system, Fossum and Mason outline the assumptions underlying their depth approach to family therapy and take the reader step by step through the stages of therapy. Case examples are used to illustrate the process.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Addiction, Mental Health, Parenting

192 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1986

Reviews

[Nixie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short but sweet.
The opposite of an abusive family is not a perfect one: going for perfection is just as painful as direct abuse. Admitting you're only human and committing to deal with your issues removes the need to oscillate between the phase of control (over whichever compulsive behavior you use as a substitute for dealing with unpleasant emotions) and release (when you succumb to that behavior). The control-release cycle deepens the shame, and shame is an excellent fuel for the cycle.
If you're curious about what a normal family relationship is and what you can do instead of the things you usually do, I'd recommend you read this book.

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommended by my therapist. Although I am not in family therapy, which is the perspective of the authors, I am (aren’t we all?) dealing with very challenging issues concerning my family and childhood. I found this book enormously helpful. It has provided some valuable insights, not just about shame, but about boundaries, control issues, lack of affect and so much more. Enlightening.

[Deanna Brauer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm still reading this book. It's the type that you have to take in several pages only per sitting because of how intense the content is and then how much you find it applying to your life. It's pretty amazing for me though.

[Audas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not necessarily the best starting place for reading about shame. It seems to be written for therapists. However it does go into much more detail of the shame-based compulsive behavioral patterns, and particuarly the family system aspects of it. Its clear this book comes out of a family systems approach to treating addiction, even though they clearly see and explain the perspective is applicable beyond addiction, to many compulsive and self-destructive behaviors.

I picked this book up because John Bradshaw referenced it and spoke to its impact on him. I would definitely recommend reading Bradshaw's works first; they're more accessible, practical, and, I think, see shame in a larger perspective.

[Evil Secret Ninja · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some good information on addiction and family therapy. It is just outdated since it was written so long ago.

[Janele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helped me understand my family of origin and move forward in creating a respectful family of my own.

[R. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too clinical for the layman.

[Ross Flynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Exceptional at describing the problem of Shame, light on describing the antidote of Respect