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Parenting Your Powerful Child: Bringing an End to the Everyday Battles
Don't let those cherublike faces fool you.
Your smart kids have an agenda - and they're workin' ya.
Your smart kids have an agenda - and they're workin' ya.
Powerful kids don't just happen. They're created, and their power comes in different packages. Whether loud and temperamental, quiet ans sensitive, or stubborn and manipulative, powerful children can make living with them a challenge. But it doesn't have to be that way.
In Parenting Your Powerful Child, New York Times bestselling author Dr. Kevin Leman offers a practical action plan to redirect your child's power surges into positive traits that will prepare your child for a successful, happy, and productive adult life. With these simple but effective techniques, you can transform your home from a daily battle zone to a safe and peaceful place. All it takes is a littler determination - and some small changes on your part - to make a huge difference in your family life.
Ready for the power struggle to end?
272 pages, Hardcover
First published September 1, 2013
224 people are currently reading
1272 people want to read
About the author
Kevin Leman
220 books380 followersDr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.
Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
Facebook
Twitter
Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 82 reviews
December 16, 2017
Hmm. I think this confirms that my kids defy description and categorization. (I have five.) They don’t really follow the birth order theory, either. And I don’t agree that all kids crave attention. Leman says he was a rowdy, attention-getting child, but when I was little, I was so shy that any attention made me cry. Still, I can see some of these strategies being helpful for some of my kids some of the time.
June 5, 2021
I gleaned a lot from this book. It’s not really specific to a particular age group but it has practical tips for consistent parenting and redirecting your child’s behaviors that may seem like weaknesses but when properly channeled can be strengths. Talks a decent amount about birth order. Has useless bullet points. Hi, Michelle!
November 8, 2024
كتاب مفيد للغاية. يجب على كل أب وأم قراءة هذا الكتاب، حيث يقدم منهج الدكتور ليمان النصائح حول كيفية التعامل مع الأطفال وسلوكياتهم بشكل أكبر.
July 7, 2018
This book has a lot of info nuggets that any parent would be grateful to have in their parenting arsenal. Like all parenting books not all aspects may apply to you but it is this variety that is appealing and gives perspective. The author does a great job of being relatable and understandable and gives some great practical examples. Worth the read.
November 12, 2025
DNF, but I cannot get behind the idea that children are trying to manipulate and control their parents--even when they are babies. And I don't appreciate scare tactics to convince me that the author is right.
Ideally I'm looking for more joy in parenting, not a sense of control. I want a method that challenges my extra-determined kid, not squashes him.
Ideally I'm looking for more joy in parenting, not a sense of control. I want a method that challenges my extra-determined kid, not squashes him.
September 13, 2013
Dr. Kevin Leman provides another life-saving book in "Parenting Your Powerful Child", a book that any parent can benefit from reading. Written in his signature easy-to-read style, and chock-full of practical advice, Leman's latest book will help parents act with authority, "not as an authoritarian or permissive parent". I think what I most appreciated about this book is that the author includes story after story of real life parenting situations, anecdotes that readers will no doubt read and think "Hooray! I'm not alone!" While all of us would like to pretend that we are perfect parents, the truth, of course, is that we are not (I hope I didn't shock anyone). Dr. Leman draws on years of experience to help give parents confidence on how to handle the most extreme of behaviours. The book is very well laid out, and can be read in one sitting or over a period of time if it is easier for you to glean the truth from its pages in small doses. Leman writes in a non-judgmental way, and yet he doesn't hesitate to give you advice on exactly what to do to remedy a challenge you are having with your child. I really appreciated the "What you can do" sections that provide clear and easy to follow guidance.
If you are tearing out your hair trying to deal with your child, or perhaps you just want to learn some new parenting strategies to keep things going well, then plan on picking up a copy of "Parenting Your Powerful Child". You'll be glad you did! 4.5 out of 5 stars.
Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.
If you are tearing out your hair trying to deal with your child, or perhaps you just want to learn some new parenting strategies to keep things going well, then plan on picking up a copy of "Parenting Your Powerful Child". You'll be glad you did! 4.5 out of 5 stars.
Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.
August 18, 2014
Some time has lapsed since I actually finished this book, but I do believe this book can be helpful to anyone who has a "powerful" child and I do intend to read it again.
Parenting Your Powerful Child has the typical self-help book drawbacks: occasional vagueness and generalities were frustrating when I felt I needed specific guidance. It's the nature of the beast, though, when an author is writing to a broad audience. I also suppose it's natural that he geared many examples toward older children and teens, since that seems to be when many parents recognize the problem for the first time. I, however, was looking for early warning signs and would have appreciated more examples and strategies geared toward younger children, as well as strategies for home-schoolers who can't let the school principal put a scare in their wayward child.
Those negatives aside, I would recommend this book for any parent of any child as long as that parent is willing to change his or her own behaviors in order to change the child's...because that's what it comes down to. While Leman addresses genetics and birth order as factors in a child's behavior, he still lays accountability squarely at the feet of parents. He does so, though, with humor that is often laugh-out-loud funny and makes this book not only easy to read but enjoyable. Also, he provides "power points" and a few exercises geared toward helping parents create strategies beyond those frustrating self-help generalities. Definitely a parenting must-read.
Parenting Your Powerful Child has the typical self-help book drawbacks: occasional vagueness and generalities were frustrating when I felt I needed specific guidance. It's the nature of the beast, though, when an author is writing to a broad audience. I also suppose it's natural that he geared many examples toward older children and teens, since that seems to be when many parents recognize the problem for the first time. I, however, was looking for early warning signs and would have appreciated more examples and strategies geared toward younger children, as well as strategies for home-schoolers who can't let the school principal put a scare in their wayward child.
Those negatives aside, I would recommend this book for any parent of any child as long as that parent is willing to change his or her own behaviors in order to change the child's...because that's what it comes down to. While Leman addresses genetics and birth order as factors in a child's behavior, he still lays accountability squarely at the feet of parents. He does so, though, with humor that is often laugh-out-loud funny and makes this book not only easy to read but enjoyable. Also, he provides "power points" and a few exercises geared toward helping parents create strategies beyond those frustrating self-help generalities. Definitely a parenting must-read.
August 24, 2015
I don't read many of these "self-help" books, but this was recommended to me based on my current power struggles with one of my children. While some of this text seemed a recap of "The Birth Order Book" (also by Leman) and a self-congratulations by Leman on his parenting successes, the basic principles were helpful. The proof is in the daily interactions I have with said child. They are not perfect yet, but I feel more in control of my emotions and prepared for the power struggles that arise. Recommended if you have a child who seems to know how to push certain buttons to get what he/she wants and/or strives for control or attention.
February 23, 2019
Insight into your powerful child
As a Christian I would have liked to have seen Dr. Leman use Biblical responses to the Powerful Child more often - but if was definitely insightful into my powerful child and has helped me catch myself when I’m doing something that might spur on his power.
As a Christian I would have liked to have seen Dr. Leman use Biblical responses to the Powerful Child more often - but if was definitely insightful into my powerful child and has helped me catch myself when I’m doing something that might spur on his power.
January 21, 2015
I needed this because I can already tell that I have 3 powerful children. Every parent should read this book, because as the author says, each family has at least one "powerful" child. I've already noticed a difference in my older son when I applied some of Dr. Leman's suggestions.
September 16, 2013
Free read
Very disjointed and has basic advice
Much better book is '1-2-3 Magic'
Very disjointed and has basic advice
Much better book is '1-2-3 Magic'
November 26, 2013
A book all parents need to read as soon as possible. This will bring so much clarity to your family. Read it. Now.
August 23, 2017
This is not a good parenting book to read if your household's "everyday battles" are caused by early childhood trauma. Adoptive and foster families should look elsewhere for parenting advice.
March 12, 2014
I would have given this book a 5 if I had never read Kevin Leman's previous books, some of which are so humorous that I would select them sometimes just because it is easier to deal with a heavy subject when there is humor. His exaggerated humor makes the reader feel as if his feelings are understood by the author; the reader is not inhuman, incompetent and stupid... he has feelings which can sometimes be intense... but they are okay.
Leman's understanding of human relationships is deep but his writing style is simple and practical. What he says works. But I have to admit that when I read something with a humorous slant, I tend to remember it more and find it easier to apply. Plus there are times in human relationships when the tension can be broken only by laughing or crying... and Kevin Leman makes it easy to laugh. You are not laughing at the situations or the people involved, just his exaggerated vocabulary. This book did not have as much humor as I remember in previous books.
However, I cannot do justice to this book in a summary. It would take 20 pages.
There is so much material in this book that is applicable. it is the kind of book that should be read daily with just one different method applied each day.
Basically, he describes how powerful children are acting out because they have deep needs; meet these needs and you solve the problem. The children become co-operative rather than competitive.
He places the responsibility for the behavior on the parents, not in a judgmental way, but in an optimistic manner... it didn't take more than a few words to create this problem; it will take only a few words to correct this problem. It gives hope because it is not a problem without a cause. It is a simple cause-effect, what he calls action and reaction.
He uses extensive examples of child-parent interaction, shows why each approach does not work, and then rewrites the scenario with recommended changes, and explains why these changes are better. There are so many simply written real life examples in the book; you practically see them happen before your eyes.
He deals with many different topics: the 3 kind of power personalities in children, the effect of birth order, the effect of genetics and environment, the role of forgiveness and a comfortable secure environment where a child feels free to make mistakes, the blessings of encouragement and the problems of praise, parents being people-oriented instead of achievement-oriented, and recognizing the natural talents of a child so that he can be what he was born to be instead of what you want him to be.
In every case, he explains simply and clearly with several examples how a few words are all that are needed to destroy a child's desire to connect with his parents, siblings and friends or to achieve in any task or situation.
He uses situations explaining the effects of parents' words on their children's hearts, and the effects of timing on communication, such as when a child needs to be alone for awhile after a bad day at school in order to process the day before he can talk to others about it.
He shows how important it is for parents to not be drawn into a fight because then they are the ones being controlled.
He shows how important it is for a child's esteem to allow him to experience the consequences of his behavior, instead of letting the child manipulate the parent into feeling a responsibility to fix his problem. He shows how, if you love your child, you will discipline him, but discipline is not punishment.
At the same time, through the entire book, he makes you aware that your children are there to be loved, they are a gift from God, a blessing, and that you have the necessary common sense tools to help them become a wonderful part of your family.
How can any author get so much wisdom into a small book and have it organized and logical? I don't know. But that is Leman's style that makes his books worth reading.
Two words of caution:
1) He tells you that there is nothing in this book that will help if your children have gone to Stage 3(Revenge) and 4 Display of Inadequacy) of power struggles. In those cases, you probably need professional help. If your child has reached the power struggle level, he is already in Stage 2, past the stage of seeking attention.
2) I disagree with some of Leman's methods. I know that they would not have worked for each one of our children and grandchildren. Leman warns you that children are individuals and they each need different ways of being treated. Treating them all the same is not fair. Their differences need to be respected and valued.
Leman does not(and cannot) have a scenario for every possible situation. But the principles can be applied in order to come up with a method that works.
Two things that he does not deal with which I think are important factors are:
1) when there are deep feelings of hurt in children that close up their desire to communicate with parents. The chapter on forgiveness (grace) did not deal with inner hurts and healing, and
2) the psychological addiction that comes from computer-dependent activities, even computer games, that desensitize a person to natural human relationships, especially if they are related to the occult. These situations take more than words to correct.
I also disagree with Leman in some of his suggestions about the physical and emotional needs of a child. Children need longer periods of physical contact than adults. When they need to be held, it is more effective to give them 5 minutes of hugging as soon as they need it than to wait until they have cried for hours... then they need a lot more hugging. I do not agree with putting a child in a room to let him cry something out. When he is upset is not the time to isolate him; it is the time to give him the security that only you as a parent can give. Yes, they can be left to cry alone if they prefer, but only after they are confident of the parents' love first and they can separate the need for comfort from the need to deal with the emotions of the situation.
I also disagree with leaving children, especially preschoolers, alone to work out interpersonal problems thermselves. That is a recipe for disaster unless the children are taught some methods of dealing with problems, analyzing the causes, looking at possible solutions and their likely consequences in the present and in the future, and making reasonable decisions. Children are not born with this understanding. They need to be taught it. There also needs to be reasonable discreet supervision to protect the child from bullies or from children who are being unreasonable or determined to have their own way and not co-operate. There are times when a child must be removed from the group for his own protection or peace. There are also times when a child must be removed from the group for discipline.
But every child is different. Every situation is different.
Leman gives tools to understand and change the power struggles that some homes endure daily and not only to remove them, but to replace them with effective human relationships.
Your children deserve to have you read this book. You deserve it too... it could change your life forever in one month.
Leman's understanding of human relationships is deep but his writing style is simple and practical. What he says works. But I have to admit that when I read something with a humorous slant, I tend to remember it more and find it easier to apply. Plus there are times in human relationships when the tension can be broken only by laughing or crying... and Kevin Leman makes it easy to laugh. You are not laughing at the situations or the people involved, just his exaggerated vocabulary. This book did not have as much humor as I remember in previous books.
However, I cannot do justice to this book in a summary. It would take 20 pages.
There is so much material in this book that is applicable. it is the kind of book that should be read daily with just one different method applied each day.
Basically, he describes how powerful children are acting out because they have deep needs; meet these needs and you solve the problem. The children become co-operative rather than competitive.
He places the responsibility for the behavior on the parents, not in a judgmental way, but in an optimistic manner... it didn't take more than a few words to create this problem; it will take only a few words to correct this problem. It gives hope because it is not a problem without a cause. It is a simple cause-effect, what he calls action and reaction.
He uses extensive examples of child-parent interaction, shows why each approach does not work, and then rewrites the scenario with recommended changes, and explains why these changes are better. There are so many simply written real life examples in the book; you practically see them happen before your eyes.
He deals with many different topics: the 3 kind of power personalities in children, the effect of birth order, the effect of genetics and environment, the role of forgiveness and a comfortable secure environment where a child feels free to make mistakes, the blessings of encouragement and the problems of praise, parents being people-oriented instead of achievement-oriented, and recognizing the natural talents of a child so that he can be what he was born to be instead of what you want him to be.
In every case, he explains simply and clearly with several examples how a few words are all that are needed to destroy a child's desire to connect with his parents, siblings and friends or to achieve in any task or situation.
He uses situations explaining the effects of parents' words on their children's hearts, and the effects of timing on communication, such as when a child needs to be alone for awhile after a bad day at school in order to process the day before he can talk to others about it.
He shows how important it is for parents to not be drawn into a fight because then they are the ones being controlled.
He shows how important it is for a child's esteem to allow him to experience the consequences of his behavior, instead of letting the child manipulate the parent into feeling a responsibility to fix his problem. He shows how, if you love your child, you will discipline him, but discipline is not punishment.
At the same time, through the entire book, he makes you aware that your children are there to be loved, they are a gift from God, a blessing, and that you have the necessary common sense tools to help them become a wonderful part of your family.
How can any author get so much wisdom into a small book and have it organized and logical? I don't know. But that is Leman's style that makes his books worth reading.
Two words of caution:
1) He tells you that there is nothing in this book that will help if your children have gone to Stage 3(Revenge) and 4 Display of Inadequacy) of power struggles. In those cases, you probably need professional help. If your child has reached the power struggle level, he is already in Stage 2, past the stage of seeking attention.
2) I disagree with some of Leman's methods. I know that they would not have worked for each one of our children and grandchildren. Leman warns you that children are individuals and they each need different ways of being treated. Treating them all the same is not fair. Their differences need to be respected and valued.
Leman does not(and cannot) have a scenario for every possible situation. But the principles can be applied in order to come up with a method that works.
Two things that he does not deal with which I think are important factors are:
1) when there are deep feelings of hurt in children that close up their desire to communicate with parents. The chapter on forgiveness (grace) did not deal with inner hurts and healing, and
2) the psychological addiction that comes from computer-dependent activities, even computer games, that desensitize a person to natural human relationships, especially if they are related to the occult. These situations take more than words to correct.
I also disagree with Leman in some of his suggestions about the physical and emotional needs of a child. Children need longer periods of physical contact than adults. When they need to be held, it is more effective to give them 5 minutes of hugging as soon as they need it than to wait until they have cried for hours... then they need a lot more hugging. I do not agree with putting a child in a room to let him cry something out. When he is upset is not the time to isolate him; it is the time to give him the security that only you as a parent can give. Yes, they can be left to cry alone if they prefer, but only after they are confident of the parents' love first and they can separate the need for comfort from the need to deal with the emotions of the situation.
I also disagree with leaving children, especially preschoolers, alone to work out interpersonal problems thermselves. That is a recipe for disaster unless the children are taught some methods of dealing with problems, analyzing the causes, looking at possible solutions and their likely consequences in the present and in the future, and making reasonable decisions. Children are not born with this understanding. They need to be taught it. There also needs to be reasonable discreet supervision to protect the child from bullies or from children who are being unreasonable or determined to have their own way and not co-operate. There are times when a child must be removed from the group for his own protection or peace. There are also times when a child must be removed from the group for discipline.
But every child is different. Every situation is different.
Leman gives tools to understand and change the power struggles that some homes endure daily and not only to remove them, but to replace them with effective human relationships.
Your children deserve to have you read this book. You deserve it too... it could change your life forever in one month.
June 30, 2021
Had to stop. Not sure what exactly was the worst - the tone about how you are raising your kids to be awful, the lack of compassion for the kids who are struggling - making them out to be manipulative at best, maybe kind of evil at worst, the disciplinarian take on everything. (Looks like author appears on the 700 Club or whatever, so maybe I should have seen that coming but it is marketed as a psychology/parenting book, though immediately on reading it the agenda becomes clear without any religious language.) The tone was both insulting to parents and children - what others are calling wit was mainly sarcasm and cheap shots at everyone, and the advice sounded, frankly, awful in its lack of compassion for anyone.
April 24, 2018
Very informative. I love that Dr. Leman comes from a Christian standpoint on discipline. It's difficult to parent little ones which heightens stress. Dr. Leman's approach gives advice on becoming more aware of how to respond to children and their behaviors. From someone who was a bit of a reactive parent, this was enlightening. We use the strategies with our 3 year old, things are much better. He is strong-willed so we still have some work ahead. However, I feel I can handle it knowing God will give me the grace to do so, therefore, I can disciple my child in the process. Highly recommend.
May 18, 2018
I like Kevin Leman but I was disappointed that this book made exactly zero references to homeschooling. As a homeschooling parent, my challenges have unique nuances, and they persist, not only into my child's school experience, but also all. day. long. It would have been great to read a chapter on what to do with my powerful child in the at-home school setting instead of always about how parents who send their kids to school for most of the day should respond. It is a VERY different scenario. :/
June 7, 2022
I have a tween boy who is very strong willed and throws tantrums when things don’t go his way. I was hoping for some really good advice on how to get through to him. While this book did have some really good points about how I should react to him so as to not make things worse, I didn’t feel it really helped me figure out how to help him deal with his emotions and control HIS reactions. I also felt like the author repeated himself a lot and that the book really didn’t have much structure. It bounced around from topic to topic.
March 5, 2025
Nothing that helpful beyond basic parenting from his other book (How to Have a New Kid by Friday) and his attitude towards children in this one is unsavory. While I get that kids are trying to get their needs/wants met in different ways and he has titles for that, it just comes across as name calling and disrespectful - neither of which he would likely endorse per other writings. It feels like the typical Evangelical Christian way of viewing children as depraved from the start and compromised by “original sin” so we have to tame the beasts - puke.
July 17, 2025
Overall there is good advice in here, but his tone and the way he paints children as manipulative monsters rubbed me the wrong way. If you can get past the way he describes your children as always out to get you (which they’re not; they’re simply growing up and learning) there is some really good advice in here on how to authoritatively parent your child.
August 9, 2017
Over all the book was easy to read and had a lot of great information. I don't fully agree with all the concepts but it definitely gave me a lot to think about. I would certainly recommend this book to others that have powerful children.
August 13, 2017
The author definitely thought a lot of himself, but there were enough valid points to keep me reading. Ultimately, this is a book for parents of schoolage kids, but the overall message was still helpful to me in framing my battles with my powerful toddler.
August 29, 2017
Such a great book. Really met me where I was at and so much needed regarding our family dynamic involving our powerful, 2nd child/4-yr-old boy. His perspective on birth order really shed light on things, but some of his off color comments should be taken lightly.
March 4, 2018
There were some great reminders and excellent advice. I am definitely thinking about my motives and end goals in parenting. There was also a lot of pressure on saying/doing the wrong thing as a parent. I feel like I finished the book under more pressure than when I started.
June 14, 2023
I really don’t like this book. I know the author uses the phrase “powerful child” throughout, but it feels like in every other descriptor he uses, he shows his dislike and contempt for the very children he is supposedly teaching us how to parent.
December 19, 2025
أن للكلمات أثرا كبيرا ، وهي اما أن تصيب في مقتل ، وإما أن تسكن قلبا جريحاً ، فترو قبل أن تقولها .
اقتباس
كتاب رائع وان كان لا يخلو من التكرار
يجب علي كل مربي قراءته سيساعده كثيرا
اسلوب د ليمان سلس ومرح
هذا الكتاب الثاني الذي اقراءه لهذا الكاتب واتمني قراءة كل كتبه
اقتباس
كتاب رائع وان كان لا يخلو من التكرار
يجب علي كل مربي قراءته سيساعده كثيرا
اسلوب د ليمان سلس ومرح
هذا الكتاب الثاني الذي اقراءه لهذا الكاتب واتمني قراءة كل كتبه
July 24, 2017
I read a parenting books and liked it. What has the world come to?! I'm not even a parent!
May 23, 2018
I have gained so much insight from this book that I plan to pick up more of his books. Phenomenal read! This book is a game changer I believe!
May 28, 2018
I don’t care for his style of writing and the format seems disorganized and repetitive. But good information, lots of practical advice that I can use right away. Helpful to me.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 82 reviews