Maybe it isn’t quite fair (or positive) to compare this book to The Happiness Advantage. That book blew me away, and I’m a big believer in positive psychology in the workplace and in personal life. This book is a decent follow up, but it’s a bit of a sophomore slump (like the second Taking Back Sunday album, or the second book by the author of the Kite Runner).
That being said, there are still great points that can be applied to life, and as Hamlet would say “that’s the rub.” You can read these books all you want, but in order to gain anything you have to apply what you’re learning. In essence, this book is very much like positive existentialism – take hold of your life, focus on the positive. Control thoughts, words, then actions. The application framework is essentially invented, but more positive and effective than the status quo.
Here’s an outline of what the book teaches, along with relevant quotes and ideas for how to apply it.
What’s the goal?
Positive genius – a mindset of positivity and growth
“Positive genius is not about optimism or pessimism, or seeing the glass as half empty or half full. Because in truth, half empty and half full are not the only possible outcomes. Both optimists and pessimists are so focused on how to interpret the single glass in front of them, they can miss the fact that there is a third, equally true reality – a pitcher of water on the table to refill the glass.” 14
How do you get there?
4 steps – reality architecture (choose the most positive reality), mental cartography (mapping out a path to success), the X-spot (lame name, idea = chart your progress towards the goal instead of worrying about what you haven’t accomplished), noise canceling (eliminating or zoning out negativity), positive inception (pay it forward and spread the love)
I. Positive Architecture – choose the positive reality. Happiness and the way you perceive life is a choice. As Henry Ford said, “if you think you can or you can’t, you’re probably right.” Choose positive realities, think less about your college debt and more about the opportunities having a degree affords you.
“Because your brain can only process forty bits of information per second every minute of every day, you are merely picking and choosing from the eleven million pieces of information your senses are receiving. In truth, there is not one reality: there are millions of possibilities that could be constructed into a reality in every given second. It all depends on which information your brain chooses to process! 25
Steps – recognize alternative realities (see the glass half full or the pitcher of water), add vantage points (different perspectives and ask about the why behind the situation), purse the most valuable reality (put your effort into the best option).
Even stress can be positive. “The process involved three steps: becoming aware of the stress, looking for the meaning behind the stress (for example, I’m stressed about this project because I know I’ll get a promotion if I succeed), and then, most important channeling the stress response to improve motivation and productivity. 33
Maintain a 5:1 positive to negative ratio of descriptions if you want to stay married. For life situations, 3:1 is a solid ratio. You can do this through a writing exercise where you jot down words about a situation for one minute or thirty seconds and give yourself three points for each positive word and one point for negative words.
Implementation tips – go to museums, do something prosocial (help others!), fuel your reality (eat well, exercise, make decisions after you eat), add vantage points (maintain a positivity ration of 3:1 for things and 5:1 for relationships), seek diverse voices (cultures and viewpoints), remind yourself of change (write down previous positive changes to remind yourself you can)
II. Mental Cartography – map a route to success based on meaning
When we have meaning, our brains release a storehouse of resources to help make us more successful. Mental maps without meaning, on the other hand, lead to apathy, depression, burnout, and ultimately failure. That’s because success without meaning is hollow and not worth the effort. 66
Do this: Highlight what matters, reorient your map around meaning, map success instead of escape or failure
Yale University researcher Amy Wrzensniewski found that the difference between individuals who see their occupation as a “job,” a “career,” or a “calling” is based upon the meaning they find in their work rather than job title or position. 72
Fun exercise – draw a map of your life, whatever you put in the middle matters. If for example you drew your house in the middle, then work, then the mall you are indicating what matters to you. “This is exactly how we all map our mental worlds: those things that matter most to us loom largest and in the center, whereas the things we care less about are smaller and pushed out to the periphery…sometimes we fail to assign meaning to things that perhaps we should. So what you don’t map can be as important as what you do. Could your map be missing important markers that would help you navigate your path to success? 75
Useful tip if you’re assigned something you don’t really want to do – remind yourself why before beginning (ie – I’m reading this material to better perform at my job, or to earn my degree) – “I would take the book, and right inside the front cover I would write three things I hoped to learn from it, or why reading this text was important beyond just my grade. Sometimes I would have to do a bit of research online to find out why this text was important or ask the professor why were reading it. When I did, I always discovered that these texts held a lot more meaning to me than I’d initially realized. 78
Map hijackers [things that prevent you from success] are commonly found in the health area of your map. Let’s say you want to lose weight. Now ask yourself why you want to lose weight and what effects you expect…people often reply that it’s so they can start liking themselves again. That meaning marker is not effective in getting you to change your habits. In fact, it hijacks those efforts because it’s grounded in a negative reality: you do not currently like yourself. An answer indicating a true meaning marker would be that you want to live longer, set a healthier example for your children, or have the energy to do other activities. Map hijackers don’t only derail your progress, they sap your life of meaning and happiness. [This may be why Alan Carr’s Easy Way to Quit Smoking is brilliant, it turns quitting tobacco from a negative to a positive] 80
Certain environmental triggers hijacked those addicts’ attempts to avoid crime or get sober, so can certain triggers hijack our best efforts at work…The only way to banish these kinds of hijackers is to replace them with meaning markers. In the example of the stock analyst who would get [down about the stock market being down and then go surf the web and eat junk food] it would mean perhaps replacing his morning habit of checking the state of the market with another, more meaningful habit, like e-mailing a friend or family member or reading his favorite blog. By starting the day with a positive, he would become more motivated and energized about his writing and less prone to procrastination. 83
Think about something you want to accomplish in your personal life, whether it’s starting your own business, getting the corner office, or leading your team in sales. Take out a sheet of paper and write down all the resources you currently have that can be used to get you toward that goal. By resources I don’t just mean money. I mean intellectual, emotional, and social resources – like your leadership skills or your ability to stay calm under pressure or your good relationship with someone in the corporate office. This will help you shift to a more positive orientation by forcing your brain to focus on all the reasons why you are likely to get the promotion, rather than to waste its finite resources worrying about reasons you might not. 88
Does my behavior today lead towards one of my meaning markers?
Tips – diversify your meaning portfolio (spread happiness around your life in terms of relationships, family, spiritual matters, hobbies, work, etc), do a daily meaning orientation (“ask at the beginning of the day what’s one action I will take today that will get me closer to my meaningful goals” 105, journal three positives at the end of the day, reflect monthly on your progress), map your life, spot and stop the hijackers (anything that throws you off the path, checking email, looking at the news, pulling up social media, gossiping and ask “what can I do today to avoid those hijackers?” Replace them with positive, meaningful habits), use a treasure map (ask first “let’s figure out how success is possible before taking about what might go wrong”), update your map (monthly reflection).
III. The X-Spot – Finding Success Accelerators
Do this - Zoom in on the Target (proximity - change your brain’s perspective so you think you are closer to the end goal), magnify the target size (likelihood of success), recalculate thrust (energy required to get you there).
Visualization is not the means to your goals. It is the accelerant that gets you on the right trajectory to your goals. 142
IV. Noise Canceling – Ignoring the BS
Noise can be a huge distorter of reality. Vegas casinos know this; that’s why they overload your brain with sounds and lights to distract you from the reality you are losing money. 147
Do this – Recognize the signal (signal = information that is true and reliable and alerts you to the opportunities, possibilities, and resources that will help you reach your fullest potential. 149), stop the addiction to noise (noise is everything else: any information that is negative, false, or unnecessary or that prevents you from perceiving a world in which success is possible. 149), cancel the internal noise (negative self-talk, etc)
Most of us are at the top of the proverbial food chain in our professional lives, even if we don’t always realize it. By “top of the food chain” I don’t necessarily mean the corporate hierarchy; you can be the work equivalent of a lion, whether you are a CEO or a midlevel manager or even an entry-level assistant. What I mean by top of the food chain is that you are a smart, competent, valued professional…So why do we often believe otherwise? Why do we allow our brains to see not making one sale, not getting one promotion we wanted, or having one negative interaction with our boss as evidence that we don’t deserve to succeed. 160
Look for active and passive ways to cancel noise.
Disengage from conversations of media that meet any of the four criteria of noise: unusable, untimely, hypothetical, or distracting. 166 [note, that’s for self-improvement or productivity in the world place, positive hypothetical thinking leads to innovation and creativity and is 100% necessary in the intellectual life.]
V. Positive Inception – spreading positivity to others
Do this – success franchising (coming up with a positive behavior change that is easily replicated), script writing (changing a prevailing social script by making it positive), and creating a shared narrative (creating value and meaning by appealing to emotion). 183
The 10/5 Way – involves a few simple behavioral rules that all staff are trained to follow. If a guest walks by a Ritz employee within ten feet, the employee should make eye contact and smile. If that guest walks by within five feet, the employee should say, “hello.” 189 [this worked to improve a hospital and frankly is applicable to almost any business situation]
Measuring a message = SIN – Strength of the message (S), the immediacy (I), and the number of sources (N). First, make it strong, next win over the easy to win over, then grow. 200
When you give praise, don’t just say it with words; be sure to make your face and tone fit your words. Nodding encouragingly while coworkers talk not only raises their feelings of being understood but increases connection. Make sure that your tone and nonverbal are not connoting fatigue or boredom. A simple but incredibly powerful way to ensure that your nonverbal are positive is one I learned from a manager out in Las Vegas. Here’s the secret: take a look at the person talking to you. Thanks to our neural network, we unconsciously mirror the people we are with. So if the person you are talking to is not similar, seems fatigued or disengaged, or seems anxious, changes are your nonverbal are not as positive as they need to be. If you don’t like what you are seeing, change yourself first and see if the other person follows the script. 206
People are much more likely to adopt your reality when it’s both emotional and real. 214