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LEATHERSEX: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player
Everyone wants a more interesting and fulfilling erotic life. With that in mind, this book was written to give guidance to one popular style of erotic play which the author calls "leathersex"-sexuality that may include S/M, bondage, dominance, submission, fantasy, role playing, sensual physical stimulation, and fetish, to name just a few. If you are simply curious about leathersex, or if you already enjoy its pleasures but want to learn more, this book is for you!
220 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1994
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September 12, 2025again, an interesting historical artifact. probably not that pertinent now, it is a v detailed and particular guide to leather culture with hot tips about hitting up local bars and meeting Tops etc, but the whole communal sphere he is describing has ofc changed radically.
it is fun to read older works with a different posture towards consent, vulnerability, risk/reward. some of it feels hella wrong (his definition of "safeword" as something Only a bottom would use to stop a Top was eye-popping), some of it was just a thinker, like his recommendation to just go for a man's armpit without asking and see if he pushes you away or if he leans into it instead of making a big deal of it. something i churn on is parts of consent that are inarticulable, or parts of consent that actually more accessible the less they are discussed. i guess ideally we'd all be unrepressed enough to just ask but also there is something v cool about, in the moment, something happening inside you to you and you acting in this alternative way that isn't filtered through your analytic brain first. was also taken by his practical advise on handling or coping with pain as a bottom, including "imagine you're a roman galley slave enduring a flogging, and you've done this tons before so its not unusual".
but yeah, definitely something that feels enticing and edgy about: "the ecstatic in leathersex is approached only by leaps ... For this reason - and other obvious reasons like safety - you want to put yourself in the hands of Tops you trust *completely*. Then, you will relax your limits more, take greater apparent risks, and, in the end, risk ecstasy more than injury". i don't hear takes like that often in my milieu ("risk-aware" includes bottoms being aware too!) but they feel true. also once again kink books make me wanna take up bottoming again, sounds cool.
liked learning about the relationship between biker leather bars and kink leather bars (play parties used to be called runs like motorcycle runs which are a biker gang thing, apparently) and (postulated) military men returning from wwii with an instinct for discipline and masculinity as opposed to foppery.
v missable but interesting and has its funny little history moments.
it is fun to read older works with a different posture towards consent, vulnerability, risk/reward. some of it feels hella wrong (his definition of "safeword" as something Only a bottom would use to stop a Top was eye-popping), some of it was just a thinker, like his recommendation to just go for a man's armpit without asking and see if he pushes you away or if he leans into it instead of making a big deal of it. something i churn on is parts of consent that are inarticulable, or parts of consent that actually more accessible the less they are discussed. i guess ideally we'd all be unrepressed enough to just ask but also there is something v cool about, in the moment, something happening inside you to you and you acting in this alternative way that isn't filtered through your analytic brain first. was also taken by his practical advise on handling or coping with pain as a bottom, including "imagine you're a roman galley slave enduring a flogging, and you've done this tons before so its not unusual".
but yeah, definitely something that feels enticing and edgy about: "the ecstatic in leathersex is approached only by leaps ... For this reason - and other obvious reasons like safety - you want to put yourself in the hands of Tops you trust *completely*. Then, you will relax your limits more, take greater apparent risks, and, in the end, risk ecstasy more than injury". i don't hear takes like that often in my milieu ("risk-aware" includes bottoms being aware too!) but they feel true. also once again kink books make me wanna take up bottoming again, sounds cool.
liked learning about the relationship between biker leather bars and kink leather bars (play parties used to be called runs like motorcycle runs which are a biker gang thing, apparently) and (postulated) military men returning from wwii with an instinct for discipline and masculinity as opposed to foppery.
v missable but interesting and has its funny little history moments.
August 7, 2012
A definite guide for the person who wants to engage in the leather scene and BDSM arena.
October 14, 2024
well....................
so one low point is when he decided to read the fall (from the bible) even tho no one asked him to and then he was like "gotcha christians!!! adam and eve knew about sex the whole time post apple can't believe your christians are denying sex :/" ... ... ... girl the whole point of the fall is that adam and eve did know about sex and it's a sin. I had to reread that paragraph 2 or 3 time b/c I'm like-- there's no way he messed up the reading of the bible that badly. the foundational text of like -- everything christianity.
anyway
to paraphrase Samuel R Delany commenting on McCloud: I feel like Bean tried to reinvent the entire field of spirituality without quite knowing he was doing so. (this was at the end -- another low point)
what else
idk the end was so bad. soooooo bad. Like the main part I was like - ok four stars, ok three but the end...... to quote laganja- you didn't just have to throw it all away at the end there. (with a ton of incoherent rambling none the less)
what else -- well. this sentence: At the risk of being considered politically preposterous, I would venture to say that the heterosexual, lesbian, and more recent "queer" faerie leather communities descend from the gay male leather tradition in the was that North American Culture derives from Western Europeans traditions." oh and the sentence directly after it: "It is not that there haven't been other influences, but that there has been on dominate model, one basic reality agasint which the rest are measured" (191). ... ... ... me when I'm a cis gay white gay man existing in a community where (to grab the low hanging fruit [clock the reference to the fall]) lesbians are some of the major leather artisans: "I think I'll call this the gay male leather tradition" (me after thinking for negative 12 seconds) "I think I want to use a colonialism metaphor to show that this is good." I'm sorry my dude, but the words you are looking for aren't "politically preposterous," but factually delusional. Inaccurate. Wrong. Devoid of the most basic of critical thinking skills that would allow you to see the reality in front of you, instead of generating the "one basic reality" you claim to have discovered.
One of the problem with this book is it invents the reality it purports to describe, and claims that reality (the one that doesn't exist) is omnipresent. like is doing a weird anthropology but claiming it's a history of a intro how-to guide when in fact it's manufacturing the state of affairs, not describing them. I'm repeating myself.
at the end he does a psycho-sexual reading of his dad to explain how leather culture is invented?????
anyway he says he's so glad that Gayle Rubin is going to publish a history to clear up the origins of the leather community......... lmao I'm gonna read the collected crit of Gayle Rubin in protest.
can't believe his book on fl*gging was six stars and this is a one star + a bonus star b/c I feel bad for him he so femmephobic and miserable. [edit: just read leathers*x q& a which was good. upon reflection idk why I gave this piece of sh*t two stars. it's one start, negative one if I could; do better (he has)] he writes in the preface that he sunk his life into this book -- it's like his major work or something. embarrassing that it's so bad, and the book on fl*gging which did not have such a melodramatic preface is amazing. he flopped here. there's so much more I'm sure I missed (for example the weirdness in which he's ok that top and bottom are static roles? I'm tired of the 80s b*llsh*t. just like - think better; it's not that hard I don't think) but I'm going to log off now. can't believe this book didn't end his career, but glad it did not or we would've never gotten his book on fl*gging which is excellent!
so one low point is when he decided to read the fall (from the bible) even tho no one asked him to and then he was like "gotcha christians!!! adam and eve knew about sex the whole time post apple can't believe your christians are denying sex :/" ... ... ... girl the whole point of the fall is that adam and eve did know about sex and it's a sin. I had to reread that paragraph 2 or 3 time b/c I'm like-- there's no way he messed up the reading of the bible that badly. the foundational text of like -- everything christianity.
anyway
to paraphrase Samuel R Delany commenting on McCloud: I feel like Bean tried to reinvent the entire field of spirituality without quite knowing he was doing so. (this was at the end -- another low point)
what else
idk the end was so bad. soooooo bad. Like the main part I was like - ok four stars, ok three but the end...... to quote laganja- you didn't just have to throw it all away at the end there. (with a ton of incoherent rambling none the less)
what else -- well. this sentence: At the risk of being considered politically preposterous, I would venture to say that the heterosexual, lesbian, and more recent "queer" faerie leather communities descend from the gay male leather tradition in the was that North American Culture derives from Western Europeans traditions." oh and the sentence directly after it: "It is not that there haven't been other influences, but that there has been on dominate model, one basic reality agasint which the rest are measured" (191). ... ... ... me when I'm a cis gay white gay man existing in a community where (to grab the low hanging fruit [clock the reference to the fall]) lesbians are some of the major leather artisans: "I think I'll call this the gay male leather tradition" (me after thinking for negative 12 seconds) "I think I want to use a colonialism metaphor to show that this is good." I'm sorry my dude, but the words you are looking for aren't "politically preposterous," but factually delusional. Inaccurate. Wrong. Devoid of the most basic of critical thinking skills that would allow you to see the reality in front of you, instead of generating the "one basic reality" you claim to have discovered.
One of the problem with this book is it invents the reality it purports to describe, and claims that reality (the one that doesn't exist) is omnipresent. like is doing a weird anthropology but claiming it's a history of a intro how-to guide when in fact it's manufacturing the state of affairs, not describing them. I'm repeating myself.
at the end he does a psycho-sexual reading of his dad to explain how leather culture is invented?????
anyway he says he's so glad that Gayle Rubin is going to publish a history to clear up the origins of the leather community......... lmao I'm gonna read the collected crit of Gayle Rubin in protest.
can't believe his book on fl*gging was six stars and this is a one star + a bonus star b/c I feel bad for him he so femmephobic and miserable. [edit: just read leathers*x q& a which was good. upon reflection idk why I gave this piece of sh*t two stars. it's one start, negative one if I could; do better (he has)] he writes in the preface that he sunk his life into this book -- it's like his major work or something. embarrassing that it's so bad, and the book on fl*gging which did not have such a melodramatic preface is amazing. he flopped here. there's so much more I'm sure I missed (for example the weirdness in which he's ok that top and bottom are static roles? I'm tired of the 80s b*llsh*t. just like - think better; it's not that hard I don't think) but I'm going to log off now. can't believe this book didn't end his career, but glad it did not or we would've never gotten his book on fl*gging which is excellent!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 23, 2021
I've long sought out the "essential BDSM read," the book that's basically a must-own for anyone serious about kink. Well, Leathersex is it.
Writing for the gay leather men's world of the '90s, Bean walks through everything a lifestyle D/s and S/M player should know. Relationship structures. Safety and anatomy. Pain management. Finding playmates. What you can do to bodies, both torturous and pleasurable (although let's be real, the line between the two is blurry). There are conversations on electricity, piercing, humiliation, whipping, spanking, pervertibles, and why verbal abuse can be way more dangerous than a few lashings. There's even a brief closing section on leather spirituality, something more relevant than ever given how many leatherfolks are also interested in magic, witchcraft, paganism, tarot, and so on.
Leathersex is definitely of its time and there are things here that not all readers will enjoy. I also think Leathersex is the beginning, not the end, of BDSM exploration and safety: The book makes it clear that you need to go out and do your homework, both in the dungeon and by learning technique/safety from experienced teachers. Nonetheless, Leathersex is just as useful for advice today as it is an incredible snapshot into the gay leather world that today's kink spaces are indebted to, and it's worth your time if you're interested in doing more serious S/M or D/s than just a couple spanks.
Writing for the gay leather men's world of the '90s, Bean walks through everything a lifestyle D/s and S/M player should know. Relationship structures. Safety and anatomy. Pain management. Finding playmates. What you can do to bodies, both torturous and pleasurable (although let's be real, the line between the two is blurry). There are conversations on electricity, piercing, humiliation, whipping, spanking, pervertibles, and why verbal abuse can be way more dangerous than a few lashings. There's even a brief closing section on leather spirituality, something more relevant than ever given how many leatherfolks are also interested in magic, witchcraft, paganism, tarot, and so on.
Leathersex is definitely of its time and there are things here that not all readers will enjoy. I also think Leathersex is the beginning, not the end, of BDSM exploration and safety: The book makes it clear that you need to go out and do your homework, both in the dungeon and by learning technique/safety from experienced teachers. Nonetheless, Leathersex is just as useful for advice today as it is an incredible snapshot into the gay leather world that today's kink spaces are indebted to, and it's worth your time if you're interested in doing more serious S/M or D/s than just a couple spanks.
January 18, 2023
Bean did a fantastic job keeping the writing concise and the quality of information conveyed high. No filler in here, all necessary word count. That being said, it's a book to be studied, not a casual read. It's best digested in a dedicated, focused way with your preferred notekeeping method at hand. Once I accepted that, I finally finished it. I wish I'd done so sooner; I would've had safer and more meaningful interactions before.
April 7, 2023
In my experience, it’s difficult finding updated and comprehensive informational books about leather and BDSM cultures. Although this book is older, it gave me relavant insight to most play in these cultures. It would be great to have this revamped.
This books makes me feel « smart » about sex, asking for what I want, denying what I don’t, open to what others like, and enjoying my exploration. I aim to keep this and use it to have conversations with potential partners.
This books makes me feel « smart » about sex, asking for what I want, denying what I don’t, open to what others like, and enjoying my exploration. I aim to keep this and use it to have conversations with potential partners.
March 2, 2021
It's completely centered around the kink culture of gay men, so there are broader queer elements missing. However it's still very informative, and thoughtful in describing why people are into the things they are. The authors style of writing is quite funny at times. Definitely worth reading!
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