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One or Two Things I Learned About Love

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If this first love is true love, why can’t Hildy hang out with her friends without feeling guilty? Dyan Sheldon takes on the possessive side of summer romance with humor and insight.

Hildy has only had two-and-a-half dates in her whole life, and she isn’t counting the half. It’s starting to look as if she’s never going to have a third date, or be kissed, or know a boy who is more than just a friend. Then, on an ordinary day, she meets Connor of the melt-that-ice-cap smile — and a summer that was going to be ordinary as toast turns into Hildy’s summer of love. But love for Hildy is a little more complicated than the songs and movies have led her to believe. It’s not so much girl-meets-boy-and loses-her-heart as boy-meets-girl-and-loses-his-mind. Part cautionary tale and part romantic comedy, Dyan Sheldon’s wry, diary-style novel weighs in on all ends of the relationship scale in a story of first love.

304 pages, Hardcover

First published May 3, 2012

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548 people want to read

About the author

Dyan Sheldon

114 books196 followers
Dyan Sheldon is the author of many novels for young adult readers, including the #1 New York Times bestseller CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN, which was made into a major motion picture. American by birth, she lives in North London.

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5 stars
86 (18%)
4 stars
91 (19%)
3 stars
150 (32%)
2 stars
84 (18%)
1 star
46 (10%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews
Profile Image for Michele.
45 reviews7 followers
December 10, 2013
If you're the kind of reader that gets mad & a 'wtf face' everytime the main character does something stupid/ is blind, then this book is not for you. Now, let me tell you why.

Hildy is the typical teenager who always wonders why her family is so crazy and why she doesn't have a boyfriend yet. That is, until she meets Connor Bowden. Connor is the new worker at this café, and when they meet, it's instant attraction. They flirt, and - tada! - Hildy has a date.

They hit off pretty well, and soon they're dating. Hildy experiences the pain and joy of having a first boyfriend. Though Connor is very cute, she notices he gets carried away too much by what she calls love, and her friends, jealousy.

It's crystal clear how possessive, controlling and clingy Connor is. He texts her everytime, he doesn't let her talk to her male friends anymore, and looking at a boy - unintentionally - becomes a reason for Connor to become mad. The more she finds herself 'in love' with Connor, the more she finds herself entangled in a web of lies and mistrust.

Is it possible that love means always feeling like you've done something wrong?


This is the kind of book that makes you realize how stupid and foolish and gullible girls can be when they're in love. There were many times I felt like slapping Hildy in the face, but, come on, most girls are like this when they're love. So I'm giving her a break.

There's one thing I didn't like about the ending though.
135 reviews
May 20, 2012
The book was really good, you woudn't think it by reading the blurb, tbh i only picked it up because i thought the cover looked interesting. But the book was pretty good and it is about what the cover says. It's about Hilary falling in love with a guy and finding out that there's more to a relationship than love. i think in the end both of the people on either side of the relationship learn something about themselves and whilst i know that Hilary learns from this. i don't know about connor, since the book is in Hilary's point of view the entire time.

Overall: Pretty good, but can be a bit dragging sometimes and other times you just want to scream at her. ;D
Profile Image for Krystal.
246 reviews25 followers
February 11, 2015
So I just could not finish this book. For this book just to be just 204 pages long, it was taking entirely to long to get the end. So I just gave up and I don’t give up offend. I really did try to get through it I just couldn’t the pace was just too slow for me. The book started off really boring it didn’t grab my attention at all. I really didn’t like any of the characters. This book made me feel a little to childish for reading it and I never feel like that way before when I read a YA book.
Profile Image for Thu Lam.
58 reviews
January 12, 2013
Seriously, this book is one of the worse book ever. How can a girl be so dumb? Don't even start the whole stupid in love thing because it was obviously not. I totally regret buying this book!
Profile Image for Samantha Hayes.
107 reviews
March 25, 2021
This book was difficult to read as it deals with an emotionally abusive relationship. The boyfriend of the main character is very controlling but makes her feel that it's ok because he loves her. I feel that reading this as an adult you can see the red flags but you might not as a teen.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Delores.
157 reviews
September 3, 2017
This was quite a funny book yet it showed the terribleness of an overly controlling relationship. Nobody should be in a relationship when you have no space to breathe, you are constantly controlled,friends, who you are around, where you go, no one should endure extreme distrust to the point of yelling over everything. No one should be yelled at for everything that isn't even their fault. This book was well written and had a good message.
Profile Image for Sarah (readingfornow).
271 reviews3 followers
August 10, 2019
I have no idea what to say about this book. On the one hand, the quarter of it that is decent, is way too cheesy, and romantic for my liking. The other three quarters were so utterly bad. It was full of a stream of "He just loves me too much." no, he wants to know where you are 24/7 and be around only him. Enjoyed the first bit, but way too repetitive towards the end.
Profile Image for Izzah.
57 reviews
April 8, 2013
The book doesn't really impress me like the cover does.
Profile Image for Karen King.
87 reviews1 follower
November 2, 2013
Actually much cleverer than it looks. An inside look at a relationship with a possessive and controlling partner which flags up what to look for without scaring the bejaysus out of teens.
Profile Image for Isabelle | Nine Tale Vixen.
2,054 reviews122 followers
June 18, 2017
It would've been better if she was younger than 17: too naive, trusting, even a bit desperate. It was obvious how manipulative and controlling he was, and she seemed stronger than she acted.
Profile Image for Caitlyn.
114 reviews
May 27, 2023
I found this book to be good in the beginning, but then really not as good at the end. Honestly towards the end, I was just reading this book to yell at the characters in my head. It was well written, the characters just annoyed me.
Profile Image for Adrienne.
295 reviews38 followers
April 18, 2013
At first I thought this book was going to be a fun and quirky short story about a girl who falls in love with an exceptionally sweet boy with an affinity for romantic trips, crazy rides and moonlit strolls. Imagine my surprise when the story took an unexpected twist! Things started out slow between our main character Hildy and her guy, Connor, but then everything went downhill pretty fast. Connor began his slow descent from being the lovable, caring and protective sweetheart to the too-paranoid, overly-possessive and easily-gets-jealous type.

Four weeks into their relationship and he was already telling her that he loved her and that he needed her and that he was afraid of losing her, which was the reason why he felt the need to constantly "check up on her" or in my words, stalk her and go through her Facebook friends and phonebook list and private messages, to partly make sure she was okay, and doing exactly what she said she'd be doing at exactly where she said she'd be doing it. Sometimes, he acted like the thoughtful boyfriend he was supposed to be and gave Hildy extravagant presents or took her on really romantic dates but most of the time he overly-analyzed things and picked up fights with her just because he thought she was looking at other guys.

Oh, and by the way, if you're the kind of person who fumes and starts to tear her hair out whenever the protagonist does something really stupid or acts really dense, then you probably shouldn't read this. I get that she was inexperienced in the love department but you should be able to tell if your boyfriend is a psychopath, right? That's not the kind of thing that you can look past.

I loved Nomi! She was like the BFF I've always wanted to have. She cracked me up and voiced out all of the thoughts that I expected Hildy to have. Like how weird it was that Connor had only dated flirts in his whole life (what, did he walk around with a sign on his head that said, "Flirts only. If you are not extremely skilled in breaking hearts then don't come near me"? Seriously.) and how blatantly obvious it was that Hildy was mistaking unadulterated with fascist dictatorship. She was extremely awesome.

Hildy was also very likeable, with her extreme sense of humour and heavy use of sarcasm. (I love people who constantly use sarcasm. They make the world a much better place to live in.) I blamed her limited knowledge of how NORMAL boyfriends operate on the fact that she'd only ever had two and a half dates in her life (with the half one not really counting). I was quite relieved near the end of the book when her eyes had finally opened and she broke things off with Connor. I was really happy that she had finally put an end to Connor bossing her around and making her feel like crap.

I learned a lot from this book and found it immensely well-written so I'm not going to make this the last Dyan Sheldon book I'll ever read. I definitely recommend this to all the teenagers out there who have a bit of a twisted understanding about the real meaning of love. Because if there's anything I've learned from this book, it's that love is about partnership. Give and take, you know? That, and the fact that it can kinda drive you nuts.
Profile Image for Hannah.
249 reviews27 followers
July 13, 2015
Hildy has only had two and a half dates in her life – and she doesn’t count the half. The whole “love” thing is new to her, so when Connor Bowden comes into her life, she’s almost immediately falling in love – or, so she thinks. His bursts of jealously, she thinks, are just him adoring her and being protective. But, eventually, he takes everything a step too far.
I’m pretty sure I’d read this before, but I couldn’t remember it, so I re-read it. I love Sheldon’s writing style, it’s fabulous and makes the book so quick to read – I would’ve read it in a couple of days if I had taken it to Duke of Edinburgh with me (but I didn’t want to be carrying around an extra book for however many days!).
The characters: I liked Hildy, even if she was really naïve, and her friend Nomi, but Connor was a bit of a creep to me and I didn’t like him that much at all. Even if he hadn’t done all of the crazy stuff he did (although, I guess that’s why I didn’t like him) he would’ve made the book unenjoyable anyway.
I read this book quickly, and I think that’s down to the teenager-y type writing style. Sure, not every teenager texts and speaks how grown-ups imagine us to (ie, hey r u free 2nite? (in fact, I doubt any teenager actually uses “text speak” anymore, although this book is a little old) and not every teenager is as daft as Hildy, nor as sensible as Nomi, but I think Sheldon’s captured the extremes of teenagers perfectly, and when you read any book, that character is simply a caricature of an aspect of society anyway. I just happened to notice it more in this one.
Overall, I gave this book 3/5 stars, and whilst that is one of the few ratings I’ve done that won’t go down, it’s not going to go up, either. It was a nice, end-of-term easy read, but wasn’t particularly thought-provoking and I thought that the relationship between Hildy and Connor went on way too long before anyone intervened – and, when they did, it was Hildy. Her grandma knew what was going on and why it was wrong, but didn’t intervene, which I thought was wrong of her. If any of my friends were in a relationship like Hildy and Connor’s, I would like to think I would have stepped in. That being said, these types of relationships do happen and that is something I enjoy about Sheldon’s novels – they all press boundaries of stigma in society, such as her book And Baby Makes Two, about teenage pregnancy. That being said, I probably wouldn’t recommend this one if you’re looking for a “pleasant” book – ‘though it seems to be, this one certainly isn’t!
Profile Image for Sabrina.
645 reviews69 followers
July 15, 2018
4.5 stars

description

I really, really liked this. Although it was initially slow (narrative-wise) to get going, it worked for me, as I learned introductory info about important secondary characters, and I got to know the protagonist, Hildy, very well. This was useful as it helped make the contrast between pre- and during-Connor Hildy much more stark.

I went into this expecting a fluffy rom-com chick-lit sort of quick read. And boy, I was wrong. (Though to be fair I still finished it in one sitting.) This book was a really good, (scarily) convincing picture of a toxic relationship, and the insidious increase of controlling behaviour such as stalking, gaslighting, implicit hostility was so well-written I felt like vomiting with how angry I got at Connor, and how sad I was that Hildy didn't see what was happening until it was almost too late.

I feel like I'm a weathervane and the wind keeps changing every minute. North. South. East. West. Flip flop. Flip flop. You hear all this stuff about love and how wonderful it is, but I must've missed the part about how it makes you crazy. Not like crazy in love, just plain crazy. Am I crazy? I'm starting to worry that I am.
Hildy, bless her, is very naïve, but a lovely girl with a good heart, and I relate a lot to her. (Which made her descent into toxicity and anxiety all the more unsettling.)
Is it possible that love means always feeling like you've done something wrong?
Hildy's characterisation is excellent. Actually, the characterisation of everyone is excellent. I. Stan. Nomi. She is a goddess and we all need a friend like her. I never mixed up any of the secondary characters, which says something, because there were a fair few. And did I mention that this book is hilarious?? Like proper, face-in-your-book, spit-out-your-drink laughing.

Highly recommend, especially to teens. Great read.

Profile Image for Barbara.
14.9k reviews315 followers
June 29, 2014
How does someone know if it's love or something else? What happens when you finally get what you've most wanted, and you realize that it means losing everything else that matters to you, even your own identity? This book covers all those essential relationship questions and more. Hildy D'Angelo doesn't have a lot of dating experience, and when she and Connor click while she and her friends are taking a break from shopping, all that changes. He works behind the counter at the group's favorite coffee bar, and he immediately puts the rush on Hildy. As the two get to know each other better, he calls and texts frequently, sure signs of his romantic and considerate side. But Connor has an insecure side and is prone to fits of jealously and possessiveness because of previous relationships, and before Hildy knows it, she hardly spends any time with her old friends, and she must account for her every waking move to allay Connor's fears. He expects her to be where she says she will be and will tolerate no deviations. The outgoing, friendly Hildy questions her every action and plans everything around Connor. Things escalate rapidly, and before she knows it, Hildy has lost her own identity while trying to keep her boyfriend happy. While the ending was a bit abrupt and perhaps over the top and it's likely that Hildy would find it hard to end things, this book should be required reading for every teen girl who thinks being suffocated in a relationship signifies love. Spending every moment together is not love--or at least, it's not how I define love. For whatever reason, Connor's notion of love resembles a prison more than anything else. Sometimes the lines are hard to discern, especially when someone is caught up in the throes of a new romance. Although the book deals with an important issue, it does so with plenty of honesty and lots of humor. Best of all, Hildy doesn't just move right into another relationship.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Catastrophe Queen.
1,670 reviews
July 13, 2013
Okay so let me just start by saying that the cover is so cute and eye-catching that I was drawn to it at first glance. But thees story itself bored me and frustrated me immensely. I was hoping for a fun read. I don't know... something like The Trouble With Flirting. Instead I have a story about a girl named Hildy D'Angelo who comes from a quirky family, has a sassy and lovable posse of friends, and no experience with boys.

The first few pages describe her typical summer routine and her interactions with her family and friends. I like how annoying her sisters Gus and Zelda were, it was just so normal. But then Connor comes along to spoil the fun. At first he seems sweet and doting --- like any other boyfriend. Then suddenly he becomes a psycho. He's overly jealous, makes exaggerated assumptions, needy, and basically just overly attached. Four weeks into their relationship and he tells her he loves her. He makes future plans and constantly keeps Hildy on her toes. Damn. If a guy ever did that to me he'd have lost all his teeth. I just didn't understand how Hildy could stand it. Because she never had a boyfriend before? Come on! Didn't she have friends with boyfriends?
But it ended well and I didn't hate it so I will read more Dyan Sheldon books in future.
Profile Image for Elena.
360 reviews
March 17, 2020
One or Two Things I Learned About Love may belong to the chic lit genre, but it is well written and has a definite message for teenage girls. Hildegarde d’Angelo (Hildy) has never had a real boyfriend, so when she meets Connor Bowden at the mall and he pursues her; she is thrilled. Since she has never had a relationship with a boy before, she doesn’t recognize the signs of the possessive, selfish, and jealous boyfriend. Despite the fact that her friends try to clue her in, she is blinded by Connor’s romantic gestures and claims of love.
One or Two Things I Learned About Love illustrates a bad relationship without painting an over-the-top image of the controlling boyfriend. Sheldon depicts Connor as a true personality and not the stereotypical, abusive boyfriend. The book has humor, realistic characters, and a subtle message that is worth the read. One or Two Things I Learned About Love is recommended for grades seven through nine.
Profile Image for Angelita.
94 reviews
January 13, 2014
This book was difficult for me to finish, mostly because of the situation that was going on in the book. It is a great book for teens because it discusses a serious topic of a controlling boyfriend or girlfriend. And how you may not even be aware of the situation that you're in. The book takes the span of a whole summer, so it seemed a little long for me. Also because the main character had plenty of people in her life questioning the motives of her boyfriend. Yet, they continued to let her date a guy. There were two scenes where people her life said enough is enough. One where her grandma covers for her because she knows about what type of boy Connor is. And when someone in her family hides her phone, so that she can enjoy time with her family and friends. I was pleased with the ending, the situation could've escalated and it didn't.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Aoife Costello.
31 reviews13 followers
December 1, 2012
I really liked this book! It is so cute. Dyan Sheldon will appeal to Georgia Nicholson fans. This is about Hildy, a girl who believes she will never find love. All her friends have boyfriends except her, until she meets Connor... We see how delusional she becomes due to her "love" for Connor. She notices that some of her male Facebook friends disappear, he knows the address of her granny and he knows the phone numbers of her friends, he tells her she told him these things but she's not so sure. When he breaks into her friend's house during the night she finally notices the craziness of it all. This book deals with the intense jealousy people can feel and how they deal with it. This book is a lot deeper than the title cover lead us to believe.
Profile Image for Hannah.
138 reviews20 followers
June 21, 2015
The basic plot is a girl hyndy (is that right) falls in love and discovers all the problems and fun which go with it...
Generally I love Dylan Sheldon books usually they have different plots and are great reads but I found this story very slow starting and followed a basic and predictable story line which I found quite tedious! The layout didn't work for me in its diary form and the first person didn't fit with type of story line! But I feel like for younger readers this could be a good first love story!
Profile Image for Heather.
2,217 reviews48 followers
December 5, 2013
Giving it a 3.5

I found the book a little confusing at first with all the characters (couldn't keep them straight), but once Connor entered the picture, things focused in a lot more - which I'm guessing was the point. At first I thought Hildy seemed a bit too young and unbelievable, but then I remembered a controlling and somewhat abusive relationship I was in at 17 and realised that the author hits a lot of the marks - and my experience was 23 years ago before texting, cell phones, etc!

I can see 7th and 8th graders reading this and getting something from it.
Profile Image for Ruthie.
68 reviews
June 27, 2015
It wasn't bad, it just wasn't as good as some of her other books like "The Crazy Things Girls Do For Love". The style of writing was very interesting and the ending left me wanting more and wondering if that was actually the ending or maybe my book was missing a few pages (and at one point I said, "If she doesn't give up on the boy soon, I'm going to give up on this book") but there hasn't in a book that has made me laugh out loud as much as this one for a while - it's something worth checking out even if it's not among my favorites.
17 reviews3 followers
August 31, 2013
"2.5 stars"

This book was okay at the beginning, it was the typical boy/girl romance and cute teenager first love blah blah blah. But i have to be honest - it got boring. I haven't even finished the book! So conor is some maniac obsessed with the lead character? Right... It is just so unrealistic and boring and typical. One of the worst books I've read and its a shame because Sheldon's books are quite good reads.
Profile Image for Thea Mariel.
21 reviews1 follower
November 7, 2013
A teenage love affair that keeps me losing myself quite in the middle because I've been wanting Hildy to ditch and break up with Conner because it wasn't true love in the first place (which she claims to be cause she's acting crazy)but lack of faith and trust from Conner which makes the whole thing completely crazy. She may have ditched Conner but you had to suffer the long pages before you stumble on that one thing that you've always wanted the story to end.
3 reviews
May 30, 2016
I though this book was good and interesting . If you think about it when you are a teenager you don't know what love is. This book was about a 17 year old girl named Hildy D Angelo and her school life and love life. She is the kind of girl that never been in a relationship until she meets Connor over the summer. Whether or not their relationship last you have to read the book to find out. I would recommend this book to a friend if you like realistic fiction/drama books.
4 reviews
March 4, 2016
Over all I though this was a good book. This book is about a young girl named Hildy in high school that lives in Casa D' Angelo and she meets this boy named Connor whom she starts to like. They start to date and along the way she tries to figure what Love is. I would recommend this book if you like to read teen love stories, fantasy, comedy, fiction or non-fiction books. Some down falls was the beginning of the story being a little boring. Also in reality it is hard to find Love.
4 reviews
June 19, 2012
not the best one for Dyan Sheldon, I found this book to be rather annoying - The way it was written was for people much younger than myself, however the storyline was good (I do love teenager books) and the relationship between the two characters was interesting, one to be learned from.
However I was rather disappointed as I have read a few of Dyan Sheldon's work.
359 reviews3 followers
January 27, 2014
2.5 stars

The narrator was funny and entertaining which kept me reading this book, other than that I kept on wanting to strangle her whenever her boyfriend was involved because there were major red flags from the get go. I guess it's a good book for teenage girls to read to teach a good lesson about so-called "love".
Profile Image for E'in Nadh.
563 reviews4 followers
March 13, 2017
I guess I could say this book has left quite an impact on me because it's hit some personal notes. While our protagonist seemed kind of pitiful at some parts, she had a great sense of humour as did her friends. Didn't exactly love the characters but I don't think I could ever get this book out of my head, for all my wrong reasons.
Profile Image for Celeste.
2,240 reviews
July 9, 2014
This is an interesting book, with a good point about not losing yourself to the person you are dating. The cover doesn't fit the story though-its a lot more controlling, almost an abusive relationship.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews

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