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The Fifth Season: A Daughter-in-Law’s Memoir of Caregiving
Lisa Ohlen Harris shared a household with her mother-in-law, Jeanne, for seven years. When Jeanne’s health deteriorated due to COPD, Harris became one of 65 million American family caregivers. The two women grew so intertwined that Harris began to feel she herself was the one fading away. Harris helped Jeanne file an advance directive specifying that no extraordinary measures were to be taken to preserve life. As they navigated the healthcare system in Jeanne’s final months, Harris and her mother-in-law realized that an advance directive is not as clear and controlled as it seems. End of life issues involve a series of small decisions―sneaky ones, with no big drama―and life support is already established before any one big decision is made. In The Fifth Season, Harris’s recounting of those years bestows illuminating immediacy on the difficulties of caring for an elderly parent while raising four young children in an extended family household. Chronicling that last season of love and struggle as she grappled with ethical convictions and personality clashes, Harris finds her way through conflicted emotions to a place of compassion and peace.
- GenresMemoir
200 pages, Hardcover
First published September 15, 2013
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
February 7, 2026
I'm not sure what the author was trying to portray in this Memoir but it seemed to me to be 100+ pages of her publicly b*tching about having to be a caregiver for her MIL. Not sure why I even wasted my time finishing this book. It was as pointless as this review.
October 7, 2014
I'm not sure this book would have resonated with me the same way 20 years ago. But at 45, even with little direct (human) caregiving experience, it felt like a personal letter to me. Prefaced with an introductory note: "Hey. You're gonna need this." Finished it this morning, tears streaming, only partly for the author and her mother-in-law. They were also for recognition. That love-duty-frustration-resentment-guilt dance is a doozy, and the author's honesty about it is a gift to all of us who do, or are going to, need this. Beautiful writing.
June 17, 2015
From the opening paragraph of her prologue, Lisa Ohlen Harris held my attention and didn't let go until long after I read the books' final words.
With grace and dignity, Harris shares her many years of caregiving for her mother-in-law Jeanne. Readers first meet Jeanne in the grip of a disease that will ultimately claim her life. Harris blames the years of secretive cigarette smoking for Jeanne's COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and all that entails. Even after her death, Harris' resentment of the behaviors that led to the disease are unflinchingly shared.
Through this slim volume, readers enter the world of day-to-day caregiving: unending physical care, seemingly endless doctor appointments, repeated emergency room trips and hospital stays, the abandonment of one's own needs and desires to meet the needs of the sick family member. Harris also gives a brutally honest portrayal of what it is like to open your home up to someone who is not related by blood but is nevertheless family just the same.
It is the dichotomy of the remembering, resenting, lamenting and loving that propels Harris forward as she shares her years as Jeanne's caregiver.
As if caregiving is not a daunting enough task in and of itself, Harris is doing this in her own home while trying to raise her four daughters. At times, when Jeanne is still well enough to share a meal at the family dinner table, lines are blurred as to who sets rules, who corrects childhood behaviors, and even who gets to go on outings as "nuclear family." Harris honestly delves into the feelings that arise from such situations arise. At times one can only laugh at the situation and comments. Other times, readers will want to shed a tear or two for the ways in which the author must put aside her own feelings in spite of the situation.
Please don't think this is yet one more memoir that merely chronicles the days and tasks of caregiving. It serves a far bigger purpose. It presents the subject of advanced directives and the myriad small decisions that must be made in healthcare even when a directive is in place. It points out the pitfalls that occur when certain members of the healthcare community fail to lay out all of the facts before any healthcare decision is made. Even with an advanced directive, Jeanne trusted her providers to guide her every step of the way on her journey; but the truth of the matter is that sometimes providers are not capable of admitting that there is nothing more they can do. Instead, they offer one more option—and then another and another. Harris found this to be true on more than one occasion but felt she had to allow Jeanne to make her own decisions even when she didn't know which questions to ask; or when Harris feared her own questions would make it appear that she was choosing an expedient death.
Harris also broaches the subject of timing the entrance into Hospice care. In some regions, this concept is embraced readily while in other areas, it is a last resort that is offered far too late in the disease process to be of much real benefit to patient or family and caregivers. Harris' tender handling of this subject is to be commended.
As a long-time oncology/hospice nurse and as the daughter-in-law who had the privilege of practicing "reverse midwifery" with both my mother-in-law and father-in-law as well as a current caregiver for my own aging parents, I found this book to be well written, tender-hearted, and brutally honest. It should be required reading for all who are now (or will one day) be in the business of caregiving.
by Lee Ambrose
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about womenen
This is a book about two very different women sharing a household and a family. It's about aging and caregiving and family obligations and resentment and hurt feelings and ethical convictions. Ultimately, this book chronicles a kind of reverse midwifery in which my mother-in-law and I held hands through her physical and mental decline, hospice care and end of life.
With grace and dignity, Harris shares her many years of caregiving for her mother-in-law Jeanne. Readers first meet Jeanne in the grip of a disease that will ultimately claim her life. Harris blames the years of secretive cigarette smoking for Jeanne's COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and all that entails. Even after her death, Harris' resentment of the behaviors that led to the disease are unflinchingly shared.
Through this slim volume, readers enter the world of day-to-day caregiving: unending physical care, seemingly endless doctor appointments, repeated emergency room trips and hospital stays, the abandonment of one's own needs and desires to meet the needs of the sick family member. Harris also gives a brutally honest portrayal of what it is like to open your home up to someone who is not related by blood but is nevertheless family just the same.
I married Todd, promising to stay with him till death separates us. I did not marry his mother. My religious commitments discourage divorce but would sanction it in grim circumstances. I have never felt my marriage was grim. But I have regretted that when she became a widow I invited and insisted she move to be with us, years ago, when she was well and strong. For now, without making holy promises, I have nonetheless entered into a covenant of care with her that will not easily be broken.
We make our marriage vows in a cloud of smiles and joy and anticipation....With a kiss, two lives are joined like an unbroken circle. Till death separates us... I suspect that I will be with my mother-in-law until death separates her from me. This, too, is a holy union. A new creation has happened here—the formation of a family tie where blood does not bind. Like our first parents, cast out of paradise, I step on thorns and thistles. I wish for a way out—anything, anything but death to release me from this. But it is too late. I remember. I lament. I resent. I love.
It is the dichotomy of the remembering, resenting, lamenting and loving that propels Harris forward as she shares her years as Jeanne's caregiver.
As if caregiving is not a daunting enough task in and of itself, Harris is doing this in her own home while trying to raise her four daughters. At times, when Jeanne is still well enough to share a meal at the family dinner table, lines are blurred as to who sets rules, who corrects childhood behaviors, and even who gets to go on outings as "nuclear family." Harris honestly delves into the feelings that arise from such situations arise. At times one can only laugh at the situation and comments. Other times, readers will want to shed a tear or two for the ways in which the author must put aside her own feelings in spite of the situation.
Please don't think this is yet one more memoir that merely chronicles the days and tasks of caregiving. It serves a far bigger purpose. It presents the subject of advanced directives and the myriad small decisions that must be made in healthcare even when a directive is in place. It points out the pitfalls that occur when certain members of the healthcare community fail to lay out all of the facts before any healthcare decision is made. Even with an advanced directive, Jeanne trusted her providers to guide her every step of the way on her journey; but the truth of the matter is that sometimes providers are not capable of admitting that there is nothing more they can do. Instead, they offer one more option—and then another and another. Harris found this to be true on more than one occasion but felt she had to allow Jeanne to make her own decisions even when she didn't know which questions to ask; or when Harris feared her own questions would make it appear that she was choosing an expedient death.
Harris also broaches the subject of timing the entrance into Hospice care. In some regions, this concept is embraced readily while in other areas, it is a last resort that is offered far too late in the disease process to be of much real benefit to patient or family and caregivers. Harris' tender handling of this subject is to be commended.
As a long-time oncology/hospice nurse and as the daughter-in-law who had the privilege of practicing "reverse midwifery" with both my mother-in-law and father-in-law as well as a current caregiver for my own aging parents, I found this book to be well written, tender-hearted, and brutally honest. It should be required reading for all who are now (or will one day) be in the business of caregiving.
by Lee Ambrose
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about womenen
February 17, 2014
This is a beautifully written – and beautifully lived (which doesn’t mean lived without imperfection, frustration, and even anger) – story of “reverse midwifery,” in which Harris lives with and cares for her dying mother-in-law. The entire book is excellent, but the drama of the two women kicks into and stays in high gear with “Seek Shelter,” a chapter in which Harris skillfully weaves in the image of a tornado barreling through her town. “Fifth Season” raises all kinds of questions. What does compassion look like? What does love look like? What is marriage? What is the good life? The good death? How does the medical establishment prolong and even cause suffering? How does it soothe? How does a person live and own her own life while still giving so much of it away to someone else?
December 20, 2013
Lisa Ohlen Harris writes poignantly and honestly about her relationship with her mother-in-law, Jeanne, as they navigate the physical and emotional challenges of end-of-life issues. As Harris juggles her roles of mother, wife, daughter, and caregiver, she must face her feelings of inadequacy, her doubts and resentment, with her life "on hold" and often consumed by Jeanne's needs. In the end, they finish well, together. Harris tells their very personal and intimate story with grace, and never preaches. Beautifully written.
September 18, 2016
The author is pretty honest about her experiences; more so than a lot of other caregiving books. (For example, she talks about the realization that you can't do anything with your life until someone dies, and that as much as you love someone, you can also want them to die). I appreciated her thoughts about how being an in-law changed some of the dynamics (probably because I'm an in-law caregiver).
July 18, 2016
An excellent memoir of family and care giving. About the many difficult, and sometimes insidious, decisions one must make. Highly recommend for all who are considering taking on the care of a loved one. Also for anyone whose friend may be care giving. It will help you, as the friend, know better how to support your friend-care giver.
May 29, 2017
Once I began this book, I had to finish it. My heart breaks for Lisa and for the tender sacrificial love and dedication given to her mother-in-law in her fifth season. The raw honesty was refreshing, if not jarring at times.
August 28, 2013
See my review here: http://carolhomeschool2.blogspot.com/...
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews