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Goodbye to All That: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York
In 1967, Joan Didion wrote an essay called Goodbye to All That , a work of such candid and penetrating prose that it soon became the gold standard for personal essays. Like no other story before it, Didion’s tale of loving and leaving New York captured the mesmerizing allure Manhattan has always had for writers, poets, and wandering spirits.
In this captivating collection, 28 writers take up Didion’s literary legacy by sharing their own New York stories. Their essays often begin as love stories do, with the passion of something newly discovered—the crush of subway crowds, the streets filled with manic energy, and the certainty that this is the only place on Earth where one can become exactly who she is meant to be.
They also share the grief that comes when the metropolis loses its magic and the pressures of New York’s frenetic life wear thin on even the most fervent dwellers. As friends move away, rents soar, and love—still— remains just out of reach, each writer’s goodbye to New York is singular and universal, like New York itself.
With Cheryl Strayed, Dani Shapiro, Emma Straub, Ann Hood, and more.
In this captivating collection, 28 writers take up Didion’s literary legacy by sharing their own New York stories. Their essays often begin as love stories do, with the passion of something newly discovered—the crush of subway crowds, the streets filled with manic energy, and the certainty that this is the only place on Earth where one can become exactly who she is meant to be.
They also share the grief that comes when the metropolis loses its magic and the pressures of New York’s frenetic life wear thin on even the most fervent dwellers. As friends move away, rents soar, and love—still— remains just out of reach, each writer’s goodbye to New York is singular and universal, like New York itself.
With Cheryl Strayed, Dani Shapiro, Emma Straub, Ann Hood, and more.
288 pages, Paperback
First published September 24, 2013
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December 8, 2023
“There is something unique about New York, some quality, some matchless, pertinent combination of promise and despair, wizardry and counterfeit, abundance and depletion, that stimulates and allows for a reckoning to occur – maybe even forces it. The city pulls back the curtain on who you are; it tests you and shows you what you are made of in a way that has become iconic in our popular culture and with good reason.”
When I was a teen, my parents would, on occasion, whisk me and my sister up to Toronto for weekend visits. Most of these trips revolved around theater tickets. We came from a pretty small suburban town. The first time I caught a glimpse of Toronto from the highway, I felt I was headed to a magical place. (I never felt the same when I first visited Disney World, by the way.) All the hustle and bustle, the big glass buildings, the shops and restaurants, Chinatown, Little Italy, Greektown, and all the other neighborhoods, the museums, the theaters – the whole bit – dazzled me. I knew after just a trip or two that I wanted to live right there. Well, I never did pack up and move there (yet!); but I completely understand what the contributors of this book felt when they speak of love at first sight for New York City!
“On that first afternoon, we emerged into a rippling current of bodies. I froze, struck dumb by the summer heat, the smells of garbage, cigarette smoke, and roasting nuts. I looked up at the sliver of sky and ahead at the sea of faces and experienced the only kind of love at first sight that I believe in.”
Okay, well maybe not the smell of garbage, but I get it! I really enjoyed reading an essay or two before bedtime. There are thirty contributors in all; some names I recognized (Roxane Gay, Ann Hood, Lisa Ko) and others I did not (Rayhane Sanders, Rosie Schaap, Lauren Elkin). All have certain things in common: all are writers, all are women and each arrived in the city to later leave it behind. Some left in tears, perhaps to later return, while others left with a feeling of relief and even a wave of happy riddance. Each woman had the stamp of the city indelibly marked on her soul.
“… for the rest of our lives, our relationships to cities will be defined by New York.”
I loved some of the essays more than others, of course. Many of them urged me to look up more work by these authors, adding titles to my already toppling pile of books. I highlighted pieces that caught my attention that I’d like to share in the authors’ own words:
Roxane Gay on diversity: “More than anything, New York was seeing people, so many different people, so many beautiful shades of brown, so many different voices, a place where my brothers and I could actually see reflections of ourselves in others, where we didn’t feel so strange in a strange land.”
Chloe Caldwell on strangers: “I had this thing for strangers – the stranger the better – for train wrecks, and for grit. I liked the dirty parts of cities, though I didn’t realize that then. I wanted to be as out of my element as I could be. I wanted to talk to everyone and anyone. I sat on bar stools for hours.”
Dani Shapiro on leaving: “My city – the one that beckoned just beyond the smokestacks and Budweiser plant – has vanished. Only glimpses of it remain, in the sandstone façade of a Fifth Avenue building, or Washington Square Park, when seen from a certain angle. My city broke its promise to me, and I to it. I fell out of love, and then I fell back in – with my small town, its winding country roads, and the ladies at the post office who know my name.”
Lauren Elkin on creativity: “Unlike John Cheever or A.M. Homes, I don’t find the suburbs flint the creative spark. I’m more interested in what happens when people go other places, in the profound exchange that can occur between person and place when the two are foreign to each other.”
Hope Edelman on romance: “… no man could compete, in my mind, with the lure of a summer night in Greenwich Village with the air still warm enough at midnight for sundresses and sandals, streetlights casting a silver glow on sidewalk diners sipping from glasses of dark wine at red-checkered tables, full taxis gliding beneath traffic lights flashing candy-colored cycles from green to yellow to red. All those years when I thought I wanted a man to love me, what I really wanted was the romance of being a writer in New York.”
Melissa Febos on space: “People who don’t love the city talk about the freedom of the country and its wide open spaces; they marvel at how one could live in so cramped and crowded a space. But I always felt free in Brooklyn. I found safety in its enclosures. The city let me relax into being myself. Being who I am in New York didn’t feel like an action I took – it just felt like living.”
If I had a complaint or two about the collection, one would be the lack of a male voice. This then leads to my second criticism, though slight – a few essays felt a bit similar to one another. With thirty different viewpoints, it would have been nice to get some male perspective thrown in the mix as well. I know this has something to do with the fact that the inspiration for this book came from Joan Didion’s essay titled “Goodbye to All That”. The editor of this work wished to focus on women writers in order to align more with Didion’s own experience of entering and leaving the city. Perhaps I should have read Didion’s essay first. But then again, I think it will be an even tastier treat to polish off my New York City immersion with that iconic piece! Overall, this was a fantastic way to spend some cold winter evenings – dreaming of another place I’d love to be right now.
“Discovering New York is like discovering a different color. Something you’ve never seen before that’s on par with both beauty and agony and looks both terrible and fantastic on everyone.”
When I was a teen, my parents would, on occasion, whisk me and my sister up to Toronto for weekend visits. Most of these trips revolved around theater tickets. We came from a pretty small suburban town. The first time I caught a glimpse of Toronto from the highway, I felt I was headed to a magical place. (I never felt the same when I first visited Disney World, by the way.) All the hustle and bustle, the big glass buildings, the shops and restaurants, Chinatown, Little Italy, Greektown, and all the other neighborhoods, the museums, the theaters – the whole bit – dazzled me. I knew after just a trip or two that I wanted to live right there. Well, I never did pack up and move there (yet!); but I completely understand what the contributors of this book felt when they speak of love at first sight for New York City!
“On that first afternoon, we emerged into a rippling current of bodies. I froze, struck dumb by the summer heat, the smells of garbage, cigarette smoke, and roasting nuts. I looked up at the sliver of sky and ahead at the sea of faces and experienced the only kind of love at first sight that I believe in.”
Okay, well maybe not the smell of garbage, but I get it! I really enjoyed reading an essay or two before bedtime. There are thirty contributors in all; some names I recognized (Roxane Gay, Ann Hood, Lisa Ko) and others I did not (Rayhane Sanders, Rosie Schaap, Lauren Elkin). All have certain things in common: all are writers, all are women and each arrived in the city to later leave it behind. Some left in tears, perhaps to later return, while others left with a feeling of relief and even a wave of happy riddance. Each woman had the stamp of the city indelibly marked on her soul.
“… for the rest of our lives, our relationships to cities will be defined by New York.”
I loved some of the essays more than others, of course. Many of them urged me to look up more work by these authors, adding titles to my already toppling pile of books. I highlighted pieces that caught my attention that I’d like to share in the authors’ own words:
Roxane Gay on diversity: “More than anything, New York was seeing people, so many different people, so many beautiful shades of brown, so many different voices, a place where my brothers and I could actually see reflections of ourselves in others, where we didn’t feel so strange in a strange land.”
Chloe Caldwell on strangers: “I had this thing for strangers – the stranger the better – for train wrecks, and for grit. I liked the dirty parts of cities, though I didn’t realize that then. I wanted to be as out of my element as I could be. I wanted to talk to everyone and anyone. I sat on bar stools for hours.”
Dani Shapiro on leaving: “My city – the one that beckoned just beyond the smokestacks and Budweiser plant – has vanished. Only glimpses of it remain, in the sandstone façade of a Fifth Avenue building, or Washington Square Park, when seen from a certain angle. My city broke its promise to me, and I to it. I fell out of love, and then I fell back in – with my small town, its winding country roads, and the ladies at the post office who know my name.”
Lauren Elkin on creativity: “Unlike John Cheever or A.M. Homes, I don’t find the suburbs flint the creative spark. I’m more interested in what happens when people go other places, in the profound exchange that can occur between person and place when the two are foreign to each other.”
Hope Edelman on romance: “… no man could compete, in my mind, with the lure of a summer night in Greenwich Village with the air still warm enough at midnight for sundresses and sandals, streetlights casting a silver glow on sidewalk diners sipping from glasses of dark wine at red-checkered tables, full taxis gliding beneath traffic lights flashing candy-colored cycles from green to yellow to red. All those years when I thought I wanted a man to love me, what I really wanted was the romance of being a writer in New York.”
Melissa Febos on space: “People who don’t love the city talk about the freedom of the country and its wide open spaces; they marvel at how one could live in so cramped and crowded a space. But I always felt free in Brooklyn. I found safety in its enclosures. The city let me relax into being myself. Being who I am in New York didn’t feel like an action I took – it just felt like living.”
If I had a complaint or two about the collection, one would be the lack of a male voice. This then leads to my second criticism, though slight – a few essays felt a bit similar to one another. With thirty different viewpoints, it would have been nice to get some male perspective thrown in the mix as well. I know this has something to do with the fact that the inspiration for this book came from Joan Didion’s essay titled “Goodbye to All That”. The editor of this work wished to focus on women writers in order to align more with Didion’s own experience of entering and leaving the city. Perhaps I should have read Didion’s essay first. But then again, I think it will be an even tastier treat to polish off my New York City immersion with that iconic piece! Overall, this was a fantastic way to spend some cold winter evenings – dreaming of another place I’d love to be right now.
“Discovering New York is like discovering a different color. Something you’ve never seen before that’s on par with both beauty and agony and looks both terrible and fantastic on everyone.”
December 8, 2013
Every essay:
I wanted to come to New York because it seemed cool, and where I'm from people wouldn't know cool if it froze their nuts! Then I did a bunch of stuff and got fed up and moved upstate because you get tired y'know? If only my younger self could see me! No, jk, they'd be proud, because this was the plan all along. And I am proud! And everyone I know is proud of me too! Including my younger self! Also, I still keep my metrocard in my wallet to remind me who I am: A person proud to have had such wonderful foresight re: metrocard in my wallet.
I wanted to come to New York because it seemed cool, and where I'm from people wouldn't know cool if it froze their nuts! Then I did a bunch of stuff and got fed up and moved upstate because you get tired y'know? If only my younger self could see me! No, jk, they'd be proud, because this was the plan all along. And I am proud! And everyone I know is proud of me too! Including my younger self! Also, I still keep my metrocard in my wallet to remind me who I am: A person proud to have had such wonderful foresight re: metrocard in my wallet.
September 3, 2013
Well... full disclosure...I edited this book. And conceived of it in general. And wrote the intro, an essay, and more. So, I'm not exactly impartial.
March 4, 2015
My first-hand experience with New York City took place in August 1971 as a small boy on holiday to visit relatives there. In the intervening years, I’ve visited New York 4 other times, seeing it from a variety of angles and perspectives. But never with a desire to live there. “Too big, too crazy”, I’d always say to myself. Notwithstanding that, I have had at times an overweening curiosity as to why other people (outsiders to the Big Apple, like me) have fallen so deeply, passionately IN LOVE with the metropolis that they have eagerly uprooted themselves to live and work there --- to experience “the New York state of life” and make it theirs.
Here in “GOODBYE TO ALL THAT: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York”, the reader is given entrée to the heart and soul of the City through the essays of a number of writers, who, at various times in their lives, have lived there and thoroughly immersed themselves in its culture, spirit, and its seemingly inexhaustible, frenetic energy. What is also equally revelatory are the essays, whose writers are Native New Yorkers (e.g., Emily Carter Roiphe and Rebecca Wolff) who later in life left the City to live elsewhere. It is one thing to take on New York as an outsider and then to hear from someone who has known it from birth through all its various changes and incarnations. From a city that tottered on the brink of bankruptcy and apparent irrevocable decline in the 1970s to retrenchment and steady renewal during the 1980s, to dizzying growth in corporate and personal wealth (a lot of it triggered by the dot com boom) in the 1990s, to the exponential boom in gentrification in its neighborhoods since 2000, New York seems to have now become more of a rarified, gated community for the wealthy and powerful with little space for struggling artists, actors, and writers to live comfortably and thrive there.
Reading these wonderful, insightful, and at times, deeply affecting essays --- with the exception of one essay I thoroughly disliked; the author, unlike the other essayists, spoke in the 3rd person with a smugness and arrogance that was very off-putting (to say the least) --- was one of the most thoroughly enjoyable reading experiences I’ve had this year. For anyone with the slightest curiosity or obsessive fascination with “the city that doesn’t sleep”, you won’t go wrong by reading “GOODBYE TO ALL THAT.”
Here in “GOODBYE TO ALL THAT: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York”, the reader is given entrée to the heart and soul of the City through the essays of a number of writers, who, at various times in their lives, have lived there and thoroughly immersed themselves in its culture, spirit, and its seemingly inexhaustible, frenetic energy. What is also equally revelatory are the essays, whose writers are Native New Yorkers (e.g., Emily Carter Roiphe and Rebecca Wolff) who later in life left the City to live elsewhere. It is one thing to take on New York as an outsider and then to hear from someone who has known it from birth through all its various changes and incarnations. From a city that tottered on the brink of bankruptcy and apparent irrevocable decline in the 1970s to retrenchment and steady renewal during the 1980s, to dizzying growth in corporate and personal wealth (a lot of it triggered by the dot com boom) in the 1990s, to the exponential boom in gentrification in its neighborhoods since 2000, New York seems to have now become more of a rarified, gated community for the wealthy and powerful with little space for struggling artists, actors, and writers to live comfortably and thrive there.
Reading these wonderful, insightful, and at times, deeply affecting essays --- with the exception of one essay I thoroughly disliked; the author, unlike the other essayists, spoke in the 3rd person with a smugness and arrogance that was very off-putting (to say the least) --- was one of the most thoroughly enjoyable reading experiences I’ve had this year. For anyone with the slightest curiosity or obsessive fascination with “the city that doesn’t sleep”, you won’t go wrong by reading “GOODBYE TO ALL THAT.”
March 21, 2014
Of my friends who have left New York, most of them have left for the sort of torn, bittersweet reasons that most of the writers in this anthology have left for--more space is available elsewhere, more time, exhausted by the embarrassing rents, going to graduate school, having grown up here and wearied of it, realizing that the promise of a new self is just an inside job and you don't have to stay here to pull it off (and in some cases have to move on in order to)--and, by and large, are not dicks about it. There are exceptions, but for the most part.
This anthology is about like that--no one on the high horse about what a schmuck you are to still live here, everyone a little sad they had to let go, a lot of them missing it badly, many of them having returned since.
The essays range from good to great and this is definitely worth reading if you're thinking about moving here, have moved here, or used to live here. I liked it.
Oh and also (and this is peripheral but is always for me kind of an extra gold standard gold star), it is totally the kind of book that makes you want to write your own story about New York. I love books that make you feel like you are part of the world and have things to share with it. Everyone write your essay! And send them to me i like to read.
This anthology is about like that--no one on the high horse about what a schmuck you are to still live here, everyone a little sad they had to let go, a lot of them missing it badly, many of them having returned since.
The essays range from good to great and this is definitely worth reading if you're thinking about moving here, have moved here, or used to live here. I liked it.
Oh and also (and this is peripheral but is always for me kind of an extra gold standard gold star), it is totally the kind of book that makes you want to write your own story about New York. I love books that make you feel like you are part of the world and have things to share with it. Everyone write your essay! And send them to me i like to read.
April 19, 2023
Okay!!! Dang. Emma Straub. Roxanne Gay. Marcy Dermansky. Cheryl Strayed. Dani Shapiro. Emily St. John Mandel. ANNND more. Lemme just say there is a list that rolls two miles away and back again (maybe not that far, but...) of your favorite authors who have contributed here. Swoon-worthy craft. Absolutely marvelous. If you want something handy to pick up and read a little before bed, to get widespread exposure to some noteworthy writing, this is a gold mine. ~
October 28, 2014
Terrible book. I couldn't finish it, because it was like being trapped in a summer internship at Seventeen Magazine. Let me explain. All the contributors are women for some odd reason, and this is the effect: the contributors all "love" and "hate" New York in the same ditzy emotional ways they love and hate the men (mostly losers) who seem to govern their choices over where to live. Look, it's just a city. No more, no less. Everyone in this book needs to get over themselves, and go live in Dubuque.
March 22, 2015
Whiney, entitled late 20 something women who thought going to NY would transform them into interesting, non whiney, entitled jerks. Most moved away due to having kids and succumbing to a life of boredom in the suburbs or not being able to accept the reality of needing a real job. One writer was actually a NYC native, and she was different only in the way that she whined about NY and how it used to be cool, man. Maybe 2 essays in this book were worthwhile. TL;DR: What a pile of piss.
June 30, 2015
I couldn't finish it.
Super boring.
Plus almost all of the stories are written from the perspective of people who are not native New Yorkers. It's a bunch of whiny people who came and tried to make it.
I think the book would have been a lot better were it from the view of a native New Yorkers who no longer wanted to struggle in the dog-eat-dog aspect of this city.
That would have made for an entirely better book, IMHO.
Super boring.
Plus almost all of the stories are written from the perspective of people who are not native New Yorkers. It's a bunch of whiny people who came and tried to make it.
I think the book would have been a lot better were it from the view of a native New Yorkers who no longer wanted to struggle in the dog-eat-dog aspect of this city.
That would have made for an entirely better book, IMHO.
December 7, 2013
This is a rough book to read, if you've recently hit the 5 years in New York mark and are contemplating an exit, if only to the 'burbs. It's a nostalgia ride, nostalgia for a place this is still in the present time, feeling the eventual loss before it's even happened.
But before I slip into an emotional reverie about living in or out of New York City, I want to comment on the actual collection of essays. Reading it felt a bit like an anthology version of the movie Groundhog Day , starting each essay anew only to follow the same cycle of Young Girl visits city, dreams of living there some day to be a Writer, does so, enjoys the challenge for awhile until debt/drugs/depression/ruined marriage(s) catch up to her, moves upstate or to a foreign country where she doesn't speak the language, reflects. Might as well hashtag the whole thing with #FirstWorldProblems.
One essay that stopped me in my tracks was Valerie Eagle's "View From the Penthouse." Eagle recounts a much different experience than all the others, telling of her struggle with drugs and homelessness that nearly took her life. Wow. Just wow. It's not to say that the other writers' experiences weren't authentic, or that an essayist has to deal with such heavy issues to produce good writing, but this is just a really powerful piece.
It leads me to wonder whether this volume would be that much better had Botton asked individuals other than female writers to include their experiences. Or if some of the authors had not penned self reflective pieces but instead interviewed (former) New Yorkers from other walks of life - chefs, first responders, finance guys, working class immigrants. Would they still wax romantic about the Subway and rent controlled apartments? What is it about this place that keeps the dreamers buying one way tickets in, and is it even possible to be a well-adjusted "lifer?" Because Didion was definitely on to something, and though I was left wanting a little more, Botton's collection is a worthy homage.
But before I slip into an emotional reverie about living in or out of New York City, I want to comment on the actual collection of essays. Reading it felt a bit like an anthology version of the movie Groundhog Day , starting each essay anew only to follow the same cycle of Young Girl visits city, dreams of living there some day to be a Writer, does so, enjoys the challenge for awhile until debt/drugs/depression/ruined marriage(s) catch up to her, moves upstate or to a foreign country where she doesn't speak the language, reflects. Might as well hashtag the whole thing with #FirstWorldProblems.
One essay that stopped me in my tracks was Valerie Eagle's "View From the Penthouse." Eagle recounts a much different experience than all the others, telling of her struggle with drugs and homelessness that nearly took her life. Wow. Just wow. It's not to say that the other writers' experiences weren't authentic, or that an essayist has to deal with such heavy issues to produce good writing, but this is just a really powerful piece.
It leads me to wonder whether this volume would be that much better had Botton asked individuals other than female writers to include their experiences. Or if some of the authors had not penned self reflective pieces but instead interviewed (former) New Yorkers from other walks of life - chefs, first responders, finance guys, working class immigrants. Would they still wax romantic about the Subway and rent controlled apartments? What is it about this place that keeps the dreamers buying one way tickets in, and is it even possible to be a well-adjusted "lifer?" Because Didion was definitely on to something, and though I was left wanting a little more, Botton's collection is a worthy homage.
June 28, 2020
I started reading this book because, as a native New Yorker desperate to leave New York, I was curious to read about other perspectives. In that sense, this essay collection was a bit of a disappointment, because most of the essays were from transplants rather than natives, and even the natives shared nothing in common with my experience: they were all white or somewhat wealthy, and all from Manhattan. More generally speaking, I was disappointed that most of the contributors to this book are middle-class white women. I could have used a lot more diversity, especially considering that New York City is home to the biggest immigrant population in the country. Despite that, not a single essay in this book is from the perspective of an immigrant or a child of first-generation immigrants.
Most of the contributors are also much older than I am, which means they have written about New York City of the 70s, 80s, and 90s, a city that is almost entirely unfamiliar to me (I was born in '92). Still, it was fascinating to read about just how different the city was back then - the danger, the seediness, the art, the allure. Compared to that city, today's city feels like a soulless corporate husk.
Several themes come up again and again. The idea of New York City as a fantasy or an escape. The cost of rent (this comes up so often, as it rightfully should, given the city's ridiculous housing market). The effect of the September 11 attacks. The glitz and glamour of the city juxtaposed with the poverty. Many of these themes resonated with me, as did the references to various locations and restaurants, but many of the essays made me feel bereft. These writers, in moving to New York City, truly experienced the city. They lived. I've lived in the city most of my life and I haven't experienced a fraction of what these writers have. Is it because I'm a native and I take the city for granted?
Most of the essays were top-notch, stylistically speaking, and some were absolutely excellent. I think maybe only one was kind of boring? They're all written in a relatively straightforward manner, even with all the divergences in style and tone. I intentionally slowed down my reading of this book because reading huge chunks of it in one sitting made it feel repetitive, so I read only a couple of essays every few days.
I have to comment on the essay the book is named after. Incidentally, I do wish that Joan Didion's essay had been included in this book so that I didn't have to hunt down a suspicious-looking PDF of it. Honestly, so many of the essays in this book blew Didion's out of the water. Her essay felt very nebulous to me, and I was unimpressed. Perhaps I need to read it again more carefully to understand the purported genius of it.
Most of the contributors are also much older than I am, which means they have written about New York City of the 70s, 80s, and 90s, a city that is almost entirely unfamiliar to me (I was born in '92). Still, it was fascinating to read about just how different the city was back then - the danger, the seediness, the art, the allure. Compared to that city, today's city feels like a soulless corporate husk.
Several themes come up again and again. The idea of New York City as a fantasy or an escape. The cost of rent (this comes up so often, as it rightfully should, given the city's ridiculous housing market). The effect of the September 11 attacks. The glitz and glamour of the city juxtaposed with the poverty. Many of these themes resonated with me, as did the references to various locations and restaurants, but many of the essays made me feel bereft. These writers, in moving to New York City, truly experienced the city. They lived. I've lived in the city most of my life and I haven't experienced a fraction of what these writers have. Is it because I'm a native and I take the city for granted?
Most of the essays were top-notch, stylistically speaking, and some were absolutely excellent. I think maybe only one was kind of boring? They're all written in a relatively straightforward manner, even with all the divergences in style and tone. I intentionally slowed down my reading of this book because reading huge chunks of it in one sitting made it feel repetitive, so I read only a couple of essays every few days.
I have to comment on the essay the book is named after. Incidentally, I do wish that Joan Didion's essay had been included in this book so that I didn't have to hunt down a suspicious-looking PDF of it. Honestly, so many of the essays in this book blew Didion's out of the water. Her essay felt very nebulous to me, and I was unimpressed. Perhaps I need to read it again more carefully to understand the purported genius of it.
January 16, 2022
I likely wasn't the right audience for this book, as I have recently moved to New York City in my early 20s, and I feel like I would have enjoyed Goodbye To All That more if I had already lived and left NYC myself too.
That being said...I found it extremely difficult to get through this book. Each essay was written by a woman in the writing industry who had financially struggled living in the city for years before leaving for somewhere else, which after reading 30 of these essays felt redundant and uninteresting (much like a teacher reading students' assignments for a singular prompt). While there were many fantastic, emotionally touching lines in each, I could not get invested in the individual essays as all the stories would blur together in my mind since they felt so similar.
Overall would not recommend unless you were specifically looking for a book to help reminisce on your own New York experience.
That being said...I found it extremely difficult to get through this book. Each essay was written by a woman in the writing industry who had financially struggled living in the city for years before leaving for somewhere else, which after reading 30 of these essays felt redundant and uninteresting (much like a teacher reading students' assignments for a singular prompt). While there were many fantastic, emotionally touching lines in each, I could not get invested in the individual essays as all the stories would blur together in my mind since they felt so similar.
Overall would not recommend unless you were specifically looking for a book to help reminisce on your own New York experience.
November 26, 2013
I was quite proud of myself (smug, really) because I had the great idea to give this to a friend who was leaving NYC for Silicon Valley. She was touched. So far so good.
Then I bought a copy for myself because I love half the writers in this collection (Roxane Gay! Dani Shapiro! Cheryl Strayed!) and was looking forward to discovering the others. So I read the book in a day, and loved it, but now I understand a little too well why most of the writers left.
I recommend this for anyone who: hates New York City, left New York City, can't afford New York City, wants to live in New York City someday or has to live in New York City for work but doesn't want to be here. Also great for people living in New York City who you're trying to convince to move to Portland, Oregon or Redondo Beach, California. Be careful about giving this book to current residents because they'll suddenly have wonderfully vivid anecdotes to rationalize why they should move.
Then I bought a copy for myself because I love half the writers in this collection (Roxane Gay! Dani Shapiro! Cheryl Strayed!) and was looking forward to discovering the others. So I read the book in a day, and loved it, but now I understand a little too well why most of the writers left.
I recommend this for anyone who: hates New York City, left New York City, can't afford New York City, wants to live in New York City someday or has to live in New York City for work but doesn't want to be here. Also great for people living in New York City who you're trying to convince to move to Portland, Oregon or Redondo Beach, California. Be careful about giving this book to current residents because they'll suddenly have wonderfully vivid anecdotes to rationalize why they should move.
October 17, 2013
Oh this book!
I picked it up in an independent book store in Brooklyn, the day before I too was leaving New York to head back home. It was only a weekend, but I felt the pain (and pangs!) described in this book accurately - as well as the fairy-tale love stories also described so wonderfully.
If you hate New York (1. i don't understand you) you will hate this book. But if you dream of it, with complexity, or if you live there, also with complexity, you will find great meaning in it. And of course, it's about all those larger themes - belonging, possibility, the changing nature of 'home', the changing nature of us as humans.
I docked a star off because it really should include the original Joan Didion essay that the title is based off. You've got to read it, if you read this book.
I picked it up in an independent book store in Brooklyn, the day before I too was leaving New York to head back home. It was only a weekend, but I felt the pain (and pangs!) described in this book accurately - as well as the fairy-tale love stories also described so wonderfully.
If you hate New York (1. i don't understand you) you will hate this book. But if you dream of it, with complexity, or if you live there, also with complexity, you will find great meaning in it. And of course, it's about all those larger themes - belonging, possibility, the changing nature of 'home', the changing nature of us as humans.
I docked a star off because it really should include the original Joan Didion essay that the title is based off. You've got to read it, if you read this book.
August 27, 2021
I obviously picked up this book immediately after leaving New York so that I could begin to come to terms with how I was feeling about doing so. But so many of these essays are written by straight white women who experienced New York in a way I never did. Of course I can enjoy stories outside of my experience, but this was an onslaught of similar experiences that at best bored me and at worst caused me to roll my eyes and stop reading. There privileged writers wrote so many unintentionally callous things, complained unironically about gentrification, and characterized a city I love in a shallow, cold way. If I can point out two positives: (1) Not all of the essays were straight and white. (2) This made me want to write my own essay about my time in New York, and I guess the best thing that can result from reading a book you don't like is being motivated to write your own version of it.
August 6, 2015
The number of writers here who cite their sex lives as the first casualty of 9/11 is astonishing.
April 16, 2021
Just like leaving New York, this book is heartbreaking and joyous. Goodbye to All That is an ode to the greatest City and the greatest relief to write that last rent check.
January 24, 2021
I took my time with this book. The essays are similar enough that I needed breaks in between otherwise they would start blending together. But in almost every one I found a line or a paragraph that perfectly captured one of my own feelings about living in New York. The quote I will remember most acutely, as someone who has never owned a car or even rented one myself: "Keep your dawn-splashed canyons and soaring cathedrals; keep your pyramids, your temples, your gold-domed pagodas rising above ancient capitals. The Metro Underground Transit system is the wonder of the world and I was in love with it..."
August 12, 2013
What a great collection! The essays are inspired by a Joan Didion essay of the same name. The stories are varied, well written and thoughtful. The anecdotes are raw and will touch you emotionally. These are warts and all tales of New York.
Song to listen to while reading: New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down by LCD Soundsystems.
Please leave your song of choice in the comments section.
I received an advanced reading copy from Net Galley.
Song to listen to while reading: New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down by LCD Soundsystems.
Please leave your song of choice in the comments section.
I received an advanced reading copy from Net Galley.
September 4, 2013
If you've ever daydreamed about escaping the city you love, wondered how people manage to pursue creative careers in NYC, or returned from a weekend away with more reluctance than relief, read this book. The all-too-relatable topic is why I picked it up, but it turns out this is also a lovingly curated collection of some of the best contemporary writers and essayists who have—at some point—passed through the five boroughs. I read it cover to cover, and if there were a sequel, I'd read that too.
November 1, 2023
I picked up this book in a Barnes and Noble in New York because I was starting to fall in love with a city I knew I'd have to leave in less than a week and it seemed like a very appropriate title to assist that feeling.
It should be clarified on the cover that almost all essays in this book are written by women who had lived in New York in the 90s or early 00s, and who insist on lamenting the fact that New York today isn't what it used to be back in the day, that it doesn't compare. It's an interesting narrative in itself but it immediately creates a wall between the authors and readers like me, who are visiting the city for the first time in 2023 and, quite frankly, would love to hear about people's perspectives from this century.
It's a collection of some nice stories but there seems to be a clear theme coming through in all of them - I moved to New York because I was young and wanted to be cool and now I'm older and I don't think New York is cool anymore. It's interesting how despite very bad experiences a lot of authors have had, they all seem to hold on to a longing for the city - or maybe, for their youth that just happened to last in the city.
Another thing that made it hard for me to relate to all essays is the fact that their main juxtaposition to New York is a small town or suburbs of New Jersey or a highway city like Los Angeles. Growing up in a big city (not comparable to NY, but still, a big city) in Poland, and moving to big cities in other countries, I don't see the phenomenons of New York to be their subway system or night shops or homeless people on the streets or the international crowds - that's just what makes city a city, in my experience. While a lot of essays compare the skyline of skyscrapers to rolling fields of someplace else in the US, that is not an axis of comparison that I use in my mind. It's much more nuanced and detailed, comparing one big city to another big city. And that's what I missed in the perspectives presented in the book.
Good enough read, but leaves me wanting more.
It should be clarified on the cover that almost all essays in this book are written by women who had lived in New York in the 90s or early 00s, and who insist on lamenting the fact that New York today isn't what it used to be back in the day, that it doesn't compare. It's an interesting narrative in itself but it immediately creates a wall between the authors and readers like me, who are visiting the city for the first time in 2023 and, quite frankly, would love to hear about people's perspectives from this century.
It's a collection of some nice stories but there seems to be a clear theme coming through in all of them - I moved to New York because I was young and wanted to be cool and now I'm older and I don't think New York is cool anymore. It's interesting how despite very bad experiences a lot of authors have had, they all seem to hold on to a longing for the city - or maybe, for their youth that just happened to last in the city.
Another thing that made it hard for me to relate to all essays is the fact that their main juxtaposition to New York is a small town or suburbs of New Jersey or a highway city like Los Angeles. Growing up in a big city (not comparable to NY, but still, a big city) in Poland, and moving to big cities in other countries, I don't see the phenomenons of New York to be their subway system or night shops or homeless people on the streets or the international crowds - that's just what makes city a city, in my experience. While a lot of essays compare the skyline of skyscrapers to rolling fields of someplace else in the US, that is not an axis of comparison that I use in my mind. It's much more nuanced and detailed, comparing one big city to another big city. And that's what I missed in the perspectives presented in the book.
Good enough read, but leaves me wanting more.
October 25, 2015
The twenty-eight essays included in this book are inspired by the famous Joan Didion essay of the same name. Established and emerging writers share their love affair with New York, initially drawn by its manic energy and frenzied pace. As years pass, they also share the grief that blindsided them, when the city loses its magic and the pressures of New York’s frenetic life wear thin on even the most resilient. After achieving success in their writing careers, the cons of living in New York outweigh the pros. As they mature, they realize that a writer doesn’t need to live in NY to achieve success or prove themselves to anyone else.
The stories are varied, well written and thoughtful. The anecdotes are raw and will touch you emotionally. This book of essays is filled with brutally honest, compelling personal stories about the great, gleaming, seductive city of New York and the struggle of following your creative vision.
I enjoyed this book and would recommend it. I rated this book four stars for three reasons:
– Joan Didion’s original essay wasn’t included.
– Most of the essays were tightly written, but some of the essays
were distracting to read because they rambled on.
– All of the essays were written by female writers. It’s curious that this isn’t
mentioned in a blurb.
RATING: 4 STARS
*** I received an ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review.
The stories are varied, well written and thoughtful. The anecdotes are raw and will touch you emotionally. This book of essays is filled with brutally honest, compelling personal stories about the great, gleaming, seductive city of New York and the struggle of following your creative vision.
I enjoyed this book and would recommend it. I rated this book four stars for three reasons:
– Joan Didion’s original essay wasn’t included.
– Most of the essays were tightly written, but some of the essays
were distracting to read because they rambled on.
– All of the essays were written by female writers. It’s curious that this isn’t
mentioned in a blurb.
RATING: 4 STARS
*** I received an ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review.
October 26, 2019
A magnificent anthology! I started with Botton's follow-up anthology, Never Can Say Goodbye: Writers on Their Unshakable Love for New York, which was strong, and had some highly memorable essays, but definitely some misses. In her first collection, Goodbye to All That: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York there wasn't a bad one in the bunch. I absolutely loved the many stories of young, aspiring writers making their way to NYC in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and early 2000s. Each met a slightly different New York, though the experiences had a lot of overlap. Because they were all writers, it was a dazzling journey through time to the most interesting city in the world in its various lives. I wouldn't want to live there, so I liked living through these stories instead.
January 15, 2014
I loved these memoirs. It made me remember that New York is not mine and nor do I belong to New York! There's a life out there other than what's here. When you're in New York for too long, you tend to forget that you can be successful somewhere else and looking back life in new york is hard. Its not all its cracked up to be. You can never be rich enough to afford the ever changing city and sometimes with wealth comes disillusion.
All of these writers once thought that New York was theirs. Some people accomplished what they came to New York to do, others failed but ultimately we all have a metaphorical love affair while we are present in New York!
All of these writers once thought that New York was theirs. Some people accomplished what they came to New York to do, others failed but ultimately we all have a metaphorical love affair while we are present in New York!
January 5, 2014
I was born and raised in NYC, and also left. Although I did not share the experience of arriving in NYC to write (I am not a writer and I don't think being born counts as arriving in this sense), there were some lines that felt as though they were plucked from my memory. Many descriptions left me at once homesick, and glad that I didn't have to live there for long as an adult. The authors did a good job of capturing the feeling of NYC.
October 28, 2024
People romanticising cities is one of my favourite things to read but most of the stories in the book are based on the same bad choices taken by the authors in their early 20s
Projecting their own flaws on New York and then running away and back felt like a really toxic relationship that I had to push myself to read (it could also be cuz i’m in nyc lover era)
Some of the stories that I enjoyed are - My city, Long Trains Leaving and Shelter in place
Projecting their own flaws on New York and then running away and back felt like a really toxic relationship that I had to push myself to read (it could also be cuz i’m in nyc lover era)
Some of the stories that I enjoyed are - My city, Long Trains Leaving and Shelter in place
July 13, 2017
“There is the ache of not having another place in the world where I might ever feel so alive and alone, invisible while visible, ever again. Alone in exactly the right kind of way.”
Goodbye to All That: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York is a collection of essays from writers who have loved, left and maybe still long for those days when they could write and live in New York.
(This review combines this essay collection with the second collection Never Can Say Goodbye: Writers on Their Unshakable Love for New York because both collections are so similar.)
The essays in both books represent a wide range of writers, from those who have always called the city their home to those who felt a pull or a calling to move to New York just to write, in many cases because pop culture has long established that “it's just what you do.” They explore their lives, loves, random jobs to pay the rent, terrible places to live, and the love affair that they feel with the city—with a few referencing the movie Manhattan as to give some sort of a visual representation of that type of infatuation with a place.
What becomes clear in both collections is that most of the writers participating entered New York at a vastly different time than it appears today. Many talk about moving to the city in the seventies, eighties and nineties (almost all essayists arrived in the pre-9/11 era) when there were still a few reasonable rents to be found and Times Square was a danger zone. It is not at all surprising that many of these writers ended up leaving some time after 2000 with skyrocketing rents and a somewhat harder time breaking into and keeping your head above water in the writing industry.
In both collections, there are a mix of those who left and never came back, those who still visit, and those who have stayed the course because New York is the only place to be. But every single essay seems to present a longing, even if the writer stayed. There's a longing to have that first feeling again of putting your feet on the sidewalk. There's the longing for all-night food delivery or being able to walk to any type of establishment you want to without ever seeing the same face twice. There's a longing for that one moment where the stars align before the city changes again.
These essays represent every reason why writers all over the world think that New York is the only place to be, but also wishing there was someplace more affordable or more forgiving than New York to thrive as a writer. Detroit keeps being recommended for those who want to have similar experiences to New York in the eighties, with just one problem—Detroit will never be New York. As one essayist puts it: “These days, being a creative person in New York is, in many cases, contingent upon inheriting the means to do it.”
But still I think these essays make a point that writers of all types should probably throw caution to the wind and have a New York period—whether that's a decade, a summer or one really good weekend. It needs to be explored an observed to be believed, because very few people on this earth come from a place as crowded, diverse, and amazing as New York. And you can't miss out on something like that.
Goodbye to All That: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York is a collection of essays from writers who have loved, left and maybe still long for those days when they could write and live in New York.
(This review combines this essay collection with the second collection Never Can Say Goodbye: Writers on Their Unshakable Love for New York because both collections are so similar.)
The essays in both books represent a wide range of writers, from those who have always called the city their home to those who felt a pull or a calling to move to New York just to write, in many cases because pop culture has long established that “it's just what you do.” They explore their lives, loves, random jobs to pay the rent, terrible places to live, and the love affair that they feel with the city—with a few referencing the movie Manhattan as to give some sort of a visual representation of that type of infatuation with a place.
What becomes clear in both collections is that most of the writers participating entered New York at a vastly different time than it appears today. Many talk about moving to the city in the seventies, eighties and nineties (almost all essayists arrived in the pre-9/11 era) when there were still a few reasonable rents to be found and Times Square was a danger zone. It is not at all surprising that many of these writers ended up leaving some time after 2000 with skyrocketing rents and a somewhat harder time breaking into and keeping your head above water in the writing industry.
In both collections, there are a mix of those who left and never came back, those who still visit, and those who have stayed the course because New York is the only place to be. But every single essay seems to present a longing, even if the writer stayed. There's a longing to have that first feeling again of putting your feet on the sidewalk. There's the longing for all-night food delivery or being able to walk to any type of establishment you want to without ever seeing the same face twice. There's a longing for that one moment where the stars align before the city changes again.
These essays represent every reason why writers all over the world think that New York is the only place to be, but also wishing there was someplace more affordable or more forgiving than New York to thrive as a writer. Detroit keeps being recommended for those who want to have similar experiences to New York in the eighties, with just one problem—Detroit will never be New York. As one essayist puts it: “These days, being a creative person in New York is, in many cases, contingent upon inheriting the means to do it.”
But still I think these essays make a point that writers of all types should probably throw caution to the wind and have a New York period—whether that's a decade, a summer or one really good weekend. It needs to be explored an observed to be believed, because very few people on this earth come from a place as crowded, diverse, and amazing as New York. And you can't miss out on something like that.
Read
June 13, 2024"You can be weird in New York; you can be strange and melancholy and buxom and tall and dark and discerning and behave generally like the exuberant dyke you believe yourself to be. Apparently, they value that sort of thing here!" -Elisa Albert, "Currency"
This book found me at an odd time. At first I thought I ought to have read it when I first left NYC in 2022, but I think even then, the same issue of relating remains: I'm not jaded about New York yet like a lot of these authors. I would be interested in an anthology like this with more stories like that of Emily Raboteau, whose essay, "Currency," discusses staying in New York during the pandemic. The social landscape of the city, what it means to be a "New Yorker" and what it means to be an interloping yokel in New York has all changed, since then, I think. Everyone is jaded now. Of course, there is still a romanticism attached to NYC. But that, and the idealism and wistful, ignorant optimism, that's all I have goddammit! I didn't connect as much to the authors as they described falling out of love because I think I am still in the process of falling in love...if I do stay too long at the fair, so be it. That's where the clowns hang out.
I wanted it to be a love letter to New York but it felt more like a really well-drafted letter to someone you're vaguely mad at but you still love...maybe that's just me. I <3 NYC!!
This book found me at an odd time. At first I thought I ought to have read it when I first left NYC in 2022, but I think even then, the same issue of relating remains: I'm not jaded about New York yet like a lot of these authors. I would be interested in an anthology like this with more stories like that of Emily Raboteau, whose essay, "Currency," discusses staying in New York during the pandemic. The social landscape of the city, what it means to be a "New Yorker" and what it means to be an interloping yokel in New York has all changed, since then, I think. Everyone is jaded now. Of course, there is still a romanticism attached to NYC. But that, and the idealism and wistful, ignorant optimism, that's all I have goddammit! I didn't connect as much to the authors as they described falling out of love because I think I am still in the process of falling in love...if I do stay too long at the fair, so be it. That's where the clowns hang out.
I wanted it to be a love letter to New York but it felt more like a really well-drafted letter to someone you're vaguely mad at but you still love...maybe that's just me. I <3 NYC!!
April 6, 2017
I loved this anthology of accounts written by women from many differing backgrounds and indeed eras of their experiences falling in love with, and then recognising the need to, leave New York at some point in their lives. Having a love for the city myself, albeit as an occasional tourist and through my reading, I enjoyed both the settings of the tales and the experience of the writers, and am delighted that I purchased the follow up to this book, Never Can Say Goodbye: Writers on Their Unshakable Love for New York at the same time as this one in The Strand just after Christmas. It won't be long until I read it, on the strength of this one...
October 8, 2024
3.5 stars. These essays are hit and miss, with a lot of overlap and redundancy in the sentiment. I’ve never lived in NYC, but I confess a certain fascination (mixed with horror) at people who have (or can). But as someone who lives in L.A., another city of disillusionment & dreams, I get the vibe. Some of the essays resonated, probably because I’ve moved a lot & loved & lost quite a few places in my life so far. I’m going to be reading the books of some of the authors I discovered in this collection. I’d recommend taking this book in small doses—an essay now and then, rather than all at once. Otherwise, they can seem too similar in style & content.
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