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Good Mother Myth
In an era of mommy blogs, Pinterest, and Facebook, The Good Mother Myth dismantles the social media-fed notion of what it means to be a good mother. This collection of essays takes a realistic look at motherhood and provides a platform for real voices and raw stories, each adding to the narrative of motherhood we don't tend to see in the headlines or on the news.
From tales of mind-bending, panic-inducing overwhelm to a reflection on using weed instead of wine to deal with the terrible twos, the honesty of the essays creates a community of mothers who refuse to feel like they’re in competition with others, or with the notion of the ideal mom — they’re just trying to find a way to make it work.
With a foreword by Christy Turlington Burns and a contributor list that includes Jessica Valenti, Sharon Lerner, Lisa Duggan, and many more, this remarkable collection seeks to debunk the myth and offer some honesty about what it means to be a mother.
From tales of mind-bending, panic-inducing overwhelm to a reflection on using weed instead of wine to deal with the terrible twos, the honesty of the essays creates a community of mothers who refuse to feel like they’re in competition with others, or with the notion of the ideal mom — they’re just trying to find a way to make it work.
With a foreword by Christy Turlington Burns and a contributor list that includes Jessica Valenti, Sharon Lerner, Lisa Duggan, and many more, this remarkable collection seeks to debunk the myth and offer some honesty about what it means to be a mother.
285 pages, Paperback
First published October 8, 2013
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1231 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews
October 15, 2013
This collection of essays sets out and deconstructs the myth of the Good Mother. You know the one: it's the image of motherhood that is seen in every magazine, every newspaper, every mommy blog, and replicated by carefully-edited and airbrushed days posted on Facebook and Pinterest. It's so hard to escape, and so insidious, that mother find themselves always comparing themselves to others, and it's never enough. (As if they didn't have enough pressure already, right?) And no matter what choice is made - whether about food, school, diapers or bedtime - someone, somewhere will tell you that you're doing it wrong.
So these essays reveal the truth behind the image we all seek to portray: that we judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else, we blame ourselves for unforeseen accidents, that we can't control everything, that it's better to be a good enough mother (and be happy, and to share that happiness with your children) than to perpetually seek the perfection which none of us can attain. We all want happy, healthy children... and time for ourselves. That doesn't make us selfish, it makes us normal. A good mother has to take care of herself too - otherwise what sort of example are you setting for your children?
The mothers writing here all share the choices they made between their children and themselves, the short term and the long term, and one more thing: the sense that everyone else has it together, and they are the only one failing to meet that most critical standard.
So why only 3 stars? This felt overly-edited to make sure every possible mother-variant was included (mother of twins, teenaged single mother, transsexual father-mother, black mother torn between supporting the Bad Black Mother Myth and being honest about herself, mother who chooses abortion, mother who chooses a lesbian partner, mother who makes indie porn, etc.) which made the collection itself - though not the essays - seem somewhat false.
The first half of this was wonderful but the grouping, which left all the mothers with mental illnesses together and all the so-called "no good" mothers together at the end, made this feel very awkward. In a way it's like a short story anthology - there are always a couple you really like, a couple you really dislike, and the rest fall somewhere in the middle; in my case, more of them fell on the "not quite me" side than the other, but at least the variety means that any mother should find *someone* to identify with.
Disclaimer: I received a free ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
So these essays reveal the truth behind the image we all seek to portray: that we judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else, we blame ourselves for unforeseen accidents, that we can't control everything, that it's better to be a good enough mother (and be happy, and to share that happiness with your children) than to perpetually seek the perfection which none of us can attain. We all want happy, healthy children... and time for ourselves. That doesn't make us selfish, it makes us normal. A good mother has to take care of herself too - otherwise what sort of example are you setting for your children?
The mothers writing here all share the choices they made between their children and themselves, the short term and the long term, and one more thing: the sense that everyone else has it together, and they are the only one failing to meet that most critical standard.
So why only 3 stars? This felt overly-edited to make sure every possible mother-variant was included (mother of twins, teenaged single mother, transsexual father-mother, black mother torn between supporting the Bad Black Mother Myth and being honest about herself, mother who chooses abortion, mother who chooses a lesbian partner, mother who makes indie porn, etc.) which made the collection itself - though not the essays - seem somewhat false.
The first half of this was wonderful but the grouping, which left all the mothers with mental illnesses together and all the so-called "no good" mothers together at the end, made this feel very awkward. In a way it's like a short story anthology - there are always a couple you really like, a couple you really dislike, and the rest fall somewhere in the middle; in my case, more of them fell on the "not quite me" side than the other, but at least the variety means that any mother should find *someone* to identify with.
Disclaimer: I received a free ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
December 28, 2013
Encouraging & Thought Provoking
This is an anthology of mothering ideas from lots of different types of Moms. Some Mothers tell a story that you can relate to on how we aren’t perfect. Other stories offer advice and some just reassure you that in spite of what we do – our children will survive and most likely thrive. The collection is a nice variety. This is an easy to read book – but pace yourself. Read a story and wait to think about it for a few days before embarking on the next journey. Soul baring and honest. Enjoy! NetGalley and Perseus Book Group, Seal Press provided an advanced review copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This is an anthology of mothering ideas from lots of different types of Moms. Some Mothers tell a story that you can relate to on how we aren’t perfect. Other stories offer advice and some just reassure you that in spite of what we do – our children will survive and most likely thrive. The collection is a nice variety. This is an easy to read book – but pace yourself. Read a story and wait to think about it for a few days before embarking on the next journey. Soul baring and honest. Enjoy! NetGalley and Perseus Book Group, Seal Press provided an advanced review copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
May 18, 2014
I wanted to like this a lot more. There were a few real standouts (and yes, those include essays by Carla Naumburg and Liz Henry, both of whom I know), and the standouts made the book worth reading. That said, I'm wondering if it turns out I really have shed a lot of my own early-parenting Good Mother Myth baggage by this point, because many of the essays read like people vehemently defending decisions that seemed pretty run-of-the-mill in the parenting circles I run in.
December 22, 2013
This novel is a must for any expectant Mothers!
This book really hit hard for me, as a young mother of Two autistic children, you are constantly told how to raise them, what you need to do everyday so you don’t screw them up. My son as a newborn would not breast feed the guilt and anguish that I felt as a new mother was horrible, the nurses wouldn’t let me give up and it wasn’t happening, after a week in hospital and a stint in Neonatal ward I told them I was leaving and I was bottle feeding him my breast milk, you would think that I offered to chop off his head. I cried for weeks over it.
Any mother will find parenting hard, with today’s pressures on being the perfect mother, only organic, non gluten, non dairy blah blah, no lollies, TV, or playing games. It is no wonder that mothers are falling apart all over the place.
I would take my two children to psychologists, dietitians, speech therapists, occupational therapists and more, just to try to understand what they are thinking and what I can do to make it better, here’s the kicker I should have just followed my instincts because I am also Autistic. But these are professionals right? Sure but they go by the book.
I am not saying they don’t help anyone they were all wonderful and helped me through some tough times, but later on as they grew older, I found that the stress of managing appointments pulling the kids out of kindy or school to travel over and hour or more to go to the appointments. I eventually gave up.
My kids now go to kindy and school, and I work five days a week, our house is a lot more calmer than ever because I am not stressed the kids don’t have added stress and I figured they are alive, they are growing, they are loved, they eat, they sing, they talk, they play they are healthy and happy. so what if they watch TV to help them calm before bed, or my son only eats bland boring foods and not colorful veggies. I will never give up trying to challenge them to try new things but in the end everyone is healthy and happy why stress?.
This book is full of essays from real mothers that have let go of the good mother myth. It opens your eyes to the fact that no one is perfect and the added pressure and stress on new mothers is terrible it is OK to let go, and be a good enough parent.
This book really hit hard for me, as a young mother of Two autistic children, you are constantly told how to raise them, what you need to do everyday so you don’t screw them up. My son as a newborn would not breast feed the guilt and anguish that I felt as a new mother was horrible, the nurses wouldn’t let me give up and it wasn’t happening, after a week in hospital and a stint in Neonatal ward I told them I was leaving and I was bottle feeding him my breast milk, you would think that I offered to chop off his head. I cried for weeks over it.
Any mother will find parenting hard, with today’s pressures on being the perfect mother, only organic, non gluten, non dairy blah blah, no lollies, TV, or playing games. It is no wonder that mothers are falling apart all over the place.
I would take my two children to psychologists, dietitians, speech therapists, occupational therapists and more, just to try to understand what they are thinking and what I can do to make it better, here’s the kicker I should have just followed my instincts because I am also Autistic. But these are professionals right? Sure but they go by the book.
I am not saying they don’t help anyone they were all wonderful and helped me through some tough times, but later on as they grew older, I found that the stress of managing appointments pulling the kids out of kindy or school to travel over and hour or more to go to the appointments. I eventually gave up.
My kids now go to kindy and school, and I work five days a week, our house is a lot more calmer than ever because I am not stressed the kids don’t have added stress and I figured they are alive, they are growing, they are loved, they eat, they sing, they talk, they play they are healthy and happy. so what if they watch TV to help them calm before bed, or my son only eats bland boring foods and not colorful veggies. I will never give up trying to challenge them to try new things but in the end everyone is healthy and happy why stress?.
This book is full of essays from real mothers that have let go of the good mother myth. It opens your eyes to the fact that no one is perfect and the added pressure and stress on new mothers is terrible it is OK to let go, and be a good enough parent.
October 18, 2013
This book is not your typical one-sided story of motherhood. Each story is presented by a different mother and highlights an area of her parenting that she felt was not like the typical “good mother.” Through this collection of stories the authors tear down that “good mother” myth. They help other moms open their eyes and see that no one is perfect. If it appears that way on the outside, know that they are likely fighting their own demons on the inside. As mothers the best thing we can do for our kids is love them, care for them and give it our best. Children don’t come with manuals. No one’s life is perfect.
I swear I could have written over ½ of these stories myself. From the story about post-partum depression and how it feels to not instantly love your child, to the remorse we feel for locking ourselves in the bathroom to check our Facebook updates. One story that I really connected with talked about how she had a problem with noise. But she wouldn’t understand what was stressing her until it just became too much and she would snap. I feel like this often. Whether it’s the t.v. on too loud and my daughter singing from her bedroom, or it’s the dishwasher running with the Xbox blaring in the background and everyone talking at once, it pushes my mind to a snapping point. Then I scream. Then I feel bad. It’s a vicious cycle, but I was glad to see I wasn’t alone.
Whether you are a first time mommy or a mommy to 8 you will enjoy this book. Some of the stories are a little dry, and seem too drawn out. I also wouldn’t call it a book that “I couldn’t put down” but I think it is well worth the read. You’ll feel a connection with the readers and realize that you, too, are not alone.
For more book reviews
http://booksnlattes.wordpress.com/
I swear I could have written over ½ of these stories myself. From the story about post-partum depression and how it feels to not instantly love your child, to the remorse we feel for locking ourselves in the bathroom to check our Facebook updates. One story that I really connected with talked about how she had a problem with noise. But she wouldn’t understand what was stressing her until it just became too much and she would snap. I feel like this often. Whether it’s the t.v. on too loud and my daughter singing from her bedroom, or it’s the dishwasher running with the Xbox blaring in the background and everyone talking at once, it pushes my mind to a snapping point. Then I scream. Then I feel bad. It’s a vicious cycle, but I was glad to see I wasn’t alone.
Whether you are a first time mommy or a mommy to 8 you will enjoy this book. Some of the stories are a little dry, and seem too drawn out. I also wouldn’t call it a book that “I couldn’t put down” but I think it is well worth the read. You’ll feel a connection with the readers and realize that you, too, are not alone.
For more book reviews
http://booksnlattes.wordpress.com/
January 28, 2014
a compendium of essays by various women on how they fail to live up to the cultural figment of the "good mother". there are a lot of essay books by moms out there, & i have read almost all of them. i honestly feel this one is a cut above. at the risk of sounding like a pretentious snob, most of the contributors are real writers, meaning they have actually credentials in real, edited publications, & are not just bloggers. mostly everything is spelled correctly. i'm setting the bar pretty low here, aren't i? i can't even believe we live in a world where "mostly everything is spelled right" is a selling point in a real, published book. *sigh*
obviously, with so many contributors, i liked some essays better than others. some authors made particularly cogent points (in my opinion), while others just kind of whined. some authors shared very sad stories, while other tried to be more humorous. a shocking number of contributors are from the northampton area, which was weird. i wonder if they all see each other at the coffeeshop or the chair massage place or whatever & they're like, "oh, hey."
there are pieces on pregnancy, mothering infants, taking care of older kids, dealing with teens. there are essays by white women, women of color, even a transgender woman writing about the difficulties of going from being her children's father to something they don't know how to define. & full disclosure: i did relate to jessica valenti's piece on having a baby in the NICU. probably the first time i didn't just grit my teeth through something jessica valenti wrote.
obviously, with so many contributors, i liked some essays better than others. some authors made particularly cogent points (in my opinion), while others just kind of whined. some authors shared very sad stories, while other tried to be more humorous. a shocking number of contributors are from the northampton area, which was weird. i wonder if they all see each other at the coffeeshop or the chair massage place or whatever & they're like, "oh, hey."
there are pieces on pregnancy, mothering infants, taking care of older kids, dealing with teens. there are essays by white women, women of color, even a transgender woman writing about the difficulties of going from being her children's father to something they don't know how to define. & full disclosure: i did relate to jessica valenti's piece on having a baby in the NICU. probably the first time i didn't just grit my teeth through something jessica valenti wrote.
March 4, 2014
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read and review an ARC of this book.
Not really sure how to review an anthology. I can't really review each individual story, but I guess I can start by saying how the book as a whole made me feel.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, unprepared, or inadequate in your role as a mother, then you should definitely pick up this book. Probably the most important thing (the take home message, if you will) I learned from this book is that I'm not alone in my struggles to be a "good" mother. We all make mistakes, and it's okay to not be perfect, because nobody is, no matter how they appear to the outside world.
There was a recurring theme, as well. Many of the stories involved some harsh judgement, and this went one of three ways - someone else was judging the narrator, the narrator spoke about judging another mother, or the narrator judged herself. The most heartbreaking story for me was one of a woman who had been abused all throughout her life, by her mother among others. Once in a stable relationship, she decided to not have children simply from fear of treating them as her mother treated her. I had tears in my eyes after reading that one!
My favourite, however, was "We Need to Quit Telling Lies on Facebook" by Sarah Emily Tuttle-Singer. That one had me laughing my arse off - sooooooooo funny, and true! I loved it!!!
Not really sure how to review an anthology. I can't really review each individual story, but I guess I can start by saying how the book as a whole made me feel.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, unprepared, or inadequate in your role as a mother, then you should definitely pick up this book. Probably the most important thing (the take home message, if you will) I learned from this book is that I'm not alone in my struggles to be a "good" mother. We all make mistakes, and it's okay to not be perfect, because nobody is, no matter how they appear to the outside world.
There was a recurring theme, as well. Many of the stories involved some harsh judgement, and this went one of three ways - someone else was judging the narrator, the narrator spoke about judging another mother, or the narrator judged herself. The most heartbreaking story for me was one of a woman who had been abused all throughout her life, by her mother among others. Once in a stable relationship, she decided to not have children simply from fear of treating them as her mother treated her. I had tears in my eyes after reading that one!
My favourite, however, was "We Need to Quit Telling Lies on Facebook" by Sarah Emily Tuttle-Singer. That one had me laughing my arse off - sooooooooo funny, and true! I loved it!!!
May 17, 2014
Maybe I need to revisit this later, but probably not. The inconsistency of writing in anthologies really irritates me. I should stop reading them. In fact, I have stopped reading them, but then a book like this comes out and everyone says it's so special, so I give it a shot. This book gets points for the diversity of mothers it includes, especially mothers of color and a trans mama and a lesbian mama, although it sometimes feels a little tokenizing. But, hey, there are different kinds of moms in this book, which is refreshing.
There's an essay by a twin mom who is intimidated by a triplet mom, until she researches the triplet mom online, learns how hard the babies' early days were, and decides to stop judging her. That's not creepy or anything.
and, sorry, I just want more from lesbian mom narratives than a woman who's literally on the cover of a gay family magazine but is too afraid to come out to people she buys cloth diapers and baby carriers from online.
There's an essay by a twin mom who is intimidated by a triplet mom, until she researches the triplet mom online, learns how hard the babies' early days were, and decides to stop judging her. That's not creepy or anything.
and, sorry, I just want more from lesbian mom narratives than a woman who's literally on the cover of a gay family magazine but is too afraid to come out to people she buys cloth diapers and baby carriers from online.
April 28, 2014
I found The Good Mother Myth to be informative, eye opening, funny, and at times brought me to tears. No matter what type of mother you are, you will find yourself within this book. Whether you are a stay at home mom, working mom, lesbian mom, postpartum depressed mom, or a mom with physical or mental health issues.
I definitely found many essays of the book that I could relate to. My favorite essay was by Amber Dusick. Oh my goodness! It was SO funny!
I think this book is a must read for ALL mothers. 5 stars
I definitely found many essays of the book that I could relate to. My favorite essay was by Amber Dusick. Oh my goodness! It was SO funny!
I think this book is a must read for ALL mothers. 5 stars
November 27, 2013
The good mother does not exist. Well not the image of the good mother society portrays anyways. This is a group of short stories from real moms who face real issues and make real mistakes. They are the good mothers. Mothers today need to let go of the perfect myth. The stories in this book deal with food allergies, autism, losing custody, and adoption to name a few. This would be the book to buy the expecting mother since it shows real life and real people.
January 7, 2014
Easily my favorite book on the subject, and I read a lot of these books. What's nice is that it includes a lot of different perspectives (SAHM, working moms, AP moms, hands-off moms, single moms, non-custodial moms, not rich moms) which is really refereshing since most books tend to focus on affluent moms who freelance in creative fields exclusively.
March 7, 2016
Fantastic. A must-read for, well, everyone. I'm not a mom (nor do I ever want to be); this book breaks down the myths that affect all of us, regardless of our chosen roles. Captivating, honest, intersectional and especially well edited/compiled for busy people.
Read
January 14, 2014These essays reveal the way in which the “good mother myth” is paradoxically both the product of our culture but also a product of each mother’s own mind.
Read Literary Mama's full review here: http://www.literarymama.com/reviews/a...
Read Literary Mama's full review here: http://www.literarymama.com/reviews/a...
March 19, 2014
A book of short essays by mothers from all walks of life. As with any book like this, there were some essays I identified more with than others. I appreciate any writing that highlights that there are many different ways to be a good mother.
February 22, 2015
This collection of essays was real and jagged and sometimes a little over the top. Made me think a lot about motherhood and our culture and the futility of defining what is good and bad about a role with millions of individuals living it.
January 27, 2014
Loved, loved, loved it! Every story from the heart and hits you in different ways. We are all good mothers - in our own way and on our own terms.
May 10, 2014
I wanted to love this book, but it was just OK. I kept wanting more diverse voices and geographies. I didn't feel like most of the essays did anything to dispel the myth
May 11, 2014
Okay, most of the mothers were fairly well off and living on the East coast, so trying to identify with their struggles was a bit of a stretch.
April 27, 2019
This was a book club selection and, as an essay collection, is not something I probably would have chosen to read on my own. That said, I would have really missed out had I not read this. I'm so glad I picked it up. The collection has a good mix of voices that describe a wide facet of challenges of motherhood. Some of the essays are humorous, others are heart-wrenching, others are surprising. A few were forgettable, but many started interesting trains of thought for me and made me want to take notes (although what I'd then do with those notes I'm not quite sure). I do have to say, though, that I felt about this book as I feel about many books about parenting. I read it and think to myself, "but parenting isn't THAT hard most of the time" or "I never give myself grief about that particular thing, am I supposed to?" I think perhaps I'm an outlier, though, in that I just don't have a whole lot of negative self-talk and it seems (based on my reading of this book and many other things along these lines) that most people do. I don't know what that says about me...
Anyway, I had to miss the book club discussion of this and was sad to do so, as I'm sure it led to good conversations.
Anyway, I had to miss the book club discussion of this and was sad to do so, as I'm sure it led to good conversations.
July 29, 2017
I was drawn to this book by the concept that is captured by the title -- what are the myths around motherhood and how do we address them in a real world? The book consists of short essays divided into section by theme. I thought the opening bit was quite strong, but felt that the essays themselves varied a lot in quality and in relation. Some of them were more relatable than others, though I think it is commendable that they include so many different types of mothers with different experiences. An interesting read but not as strong of writing as I had hoped.
November 6, 2025
4.5 stars rounded down.
An interesting selection of perspectives from mothers struggling with the question that comes for all mothers at some point or another- am I a bad mom?
Overall, the perspectives were unique, realistic, and a great reminder that a "good mother" is often code for a "perfect mother" and none of us are that.
An interesting selection of perspectives from mothers struggling with the question that comes for all mothers at some point or another- am I a bad mom?
Overall, the perspectives were unique, realistic, and a great reminder that a "good mother" is often code for a "perfect mother" and none of us are that.
May 2, 2025
A good book to read when you are trying to be the perfect mom but also tired and definitely failing. Nice to hear other stories. I did feel like it was more about being a feminist too which I support but wasn’t looking for in this book
July 27, 2018
An absolute MUST-READ for any 21st century mom!!!
November 17, 2020
enter *expectation management*
December 28, 2020
Wydanie polskie. Tytuł: Liga (nie) złych mam. Egoistki z miłości. Wydawnictwo Kobiece
gave-up-on
March 14, 2021I couldn’t finish this book. It felt dated and I don’t know how else to describe it.
July 18, 2021
I love reading about mothers' experiences because you learn something new from every single story.
Currently reading
January 1, 2022Currently at 25%.
Had to stop reading because it was too real. Will probably go back when I have the mental bandwidth and a high enough life-state to absorb it all.
Had to stop reading because it was too real. Will probably go back when I have the mental bandwidth and a high enough life-state to absorb it all.
March 28, 2025
An interesting collection of essays on what makes a good mother in popular understanding and how we all fall short in various ways.
May 18, 2023
A collection of essays from the trenches of motherhood. Not necessarily uplifting, but more a fountain of solidarity and understanding from mothers of many many kinds. Heartwarming and real. A balm for my postpartum soul. ❤️
Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews