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If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High
If you were a teen during the mid-eighties to to mid-nineties, chances are you have read a Sweet Valley High book. You may have discovered them at your local library, their soft-focus, pictures of beautiful blond twins beckoned you. They seemed sophisticated, dangerous. You probably were on the cusp of starting high school and couldn't stop reading anything and everything about what high school was like. You dreamed of boyfriends, dances, adulthood!
If You Lived Here,You’d Be Perfect Right Now chronicles author and retro pop culture enthusiast Robin Hardwick rereading the entire series and document a grown woman's view of the angst and absurdity of the lives of the perfect Wakefield twins Each book of the series is revisited with equal parts sociological lens, parody, and sardonic nostalgia.
If You Lived Here,You’d Be Perfect Right Now chronicles author and retro pop culture enthusiast Robin Hardwick rereading the entire series and document a grown woman's view of the angst and absurdity of the lives of the perfect Wakefield twins Each book of the series is revisited with equal parts sociological lens, parody, and sardonic nostalgia.
372 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 13, 2013
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews
May 3, 2017
When I was in sixth grade I found Sweet Valley Valley High. I devoured the books...scoured the library and begged and worked for money to run out and buy them all. If I read each book once I read it fifteen times. No that is not an exaggeration. My grandma finally asked me if 'they were naughty books' because I had always been a reader but Sweet Valley turned quickly into an addiction. "No Gram," I said innocently praying that she would never find out about Bruce copping a feel on Elizabeth while she was whacked out after her motorcycle accident. And oh boy did I ever hide the cover to #5 "Up All NIght"...I knew how dirty that looked and I loved it! (Alas those darn books were unrealistically squeaky clean, so frustrating for me!) A few years ago I was home for six weeks healing after surgery. I decided to buy the books online again to relive some of my youth I guess. Only then did I start to realize how truly horrible these books were. Yet, I still read through the entire series again. My obsession was reeling its ugly head. I always realized that the timelines did not make sense....but I ignored the odd time warp and never let it interfere with my love of the stories. As a heavy pre-teen I can't believe I didn't recognize the disdain for chubby girls that the book portrays but I didn't. As an adult I saw right away that if you weren't blonde and size 6 you were a nobody in Sweet Valley. I loved Elizabeth growing up and I wanted to be just like her. Yet when I re-read the series I found her so annoying and sanctimonious. I still had fun hating on Jess and Lila though. They were the best. And I think Bruce Patman was my first ever book boyfriend.
Reading "If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now", was like sitting with a friend and rehashing all these crazy books and snarking on them and laughing at them. The author points out the many obvious things I never recognized as a child: How superficial all the characters were, how no one ever seemed to need to use the restroom, how all these couples were madly in love but anyone who even thought about it became branded as a nasty. And where were these parents every single time one or both of their daughters were being kidnapped or the victim of a would be raping or murder? I don't want to quote any lines but there were some comments that made me laugh hysterically. The author does a fantastic job of deconstructing the series in a hilarious manner and yet still she still respects the stories and recognizes their importance to many a pre-teen in the 80's and early 90's. She is allowed (encouraged) to make fun at these stories because she was a fan too. There is something lasting about Sweet Valley and something about that silly made up town that many, many years later, I still will rush out to buy any new product that comes out about Sweet Valley. Even though "Sweet Valley Confidential" was a huge train wreck, I still bought the Sweet Life e-serial stories as they were released. I have to say I found "If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now" is probably the most fun I have had with a Sweet Valley book as an adult. If you have Sweet Valley nostalgia, you need to buy this. Like Now.
Reading "If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now", was like sitting with a friend and rehashing all these crazy books and snarking on them and laughing at them. The author points out the many obvious things I never recognized as a child: How superficial all the characters were, how no one ever seemed to need to use the restroom, how all these couples were madly in love but anyone who even thought about it became branded as a nasty. And where were these parents every single time one or both of their daughters were being kidnapped or the victim of a would be raping or murder? I don't want to quote any lines but there were some comments that made me laugh hysterically. The author does a fantastic job of deconstructing the series in a hilarious manner and yet still she still respects the stories and recognizes their importance to many a pre-teen in the 80's and early 90's. She is allowed (encouraged) to make fun at these stories because she was a fan too. There is something lasting about Sweet Valley and something about that silly made up town that many, many years later, I still will rush out to buy any new product that comes out about Sweet Valley. Even though "Sweet Valley Confidential" was a huge train wreck, I still bought the Sweet Life e-serial stories as they were released. I have to say I found "If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now" is probably the most fun I have had with a Sweet Valley book as an adult. If you have Sweet Valley nostalgia, you need to buy this. Like Now.
April 6, 2013
Robin's amazing. I tore through this in about three days, no more than that. She's the one who inspired me to start reading and reviewing Sweet Valley again. Come on, the Wakefields are just begging to be mocked!
April 30, 2013
I was fortunate enough that my mom saw this on a free Kindle edition because she KNEW I would love it. My friends and I were obsessed with these books when we were younger. We were way too young to be reading them I'm sure but you know...they were SO scandalous. HA I laughed so hard reading this - it is dead on and I never even realized how cheesy these books were. Obviously because I was 10 when I was reading them. But now....NOW? I doubt I could even get through one but your book was so funny recapping. Recently I started watching Beverly Hills 90210 from the beginning on Soap Net and let me tell you - I feel the same way about the first couple of seasons of that show as you do these SVH books. The cheesiness is ridiculous! Can you PLEASE write a book on 90210 also???? I would die. Great read for anyone who read these books as a child!
February 27, 2014
So first off, this was a gift (thanks, Kate!) and I read it very slowly, somewhat on purpose and somewhat because I got a little burnt out after the first half.
This is basically the author's blog put into e-book form. I don't know if she edited these blogs before putting them into e-book form, but I would guess not due to the typos and sometimes inconsistent writing. But, I didn't read her blog, so I honestly have no idea. It seemed to me that she didn't read and review these in order (but I could be wrong) because sometimes she would define something in one book summary that she'd been using off and on throughout the previous book summaries.
I should also admit that I was way more of a BSC nerd than a SVH nerd. I actually read the Sweet Valley Twins (middle-school age) books the most, mostly because I was younger and my mother thought the SVH books were too trashy. After re-reading all these summaries, turns out she was both right and wrong on that point. Yes, they were ridiculous and trashy but also - weirdly PG about everything. There was a lot I didn't remember from these books and sadly, the author barely dives into Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later, which I've been actively mocking since I read it in 2011.
Much like the books, this e-book gets monotonous and repetitive but that is hard to avoid since so many of the books were monotonous and repetitive! However, my one real pet peeve is that the author constantly references the book covers and the readers can't see them! Maybe she had included stills on her blog? (Another reason I think this e-book wasn't edited before being released) Regardless, if you're going to mock a book cover, I want to be able to see it!
Still, this will certainly be entertaining and at times, even laugh-out-loud funny to any die-hard SVH fans out there.
This is basically the author's blog put into e-book form. I don't know if she edited these blogs before putting them into e-book form, but I would guess not due to the typos and sometimes inconsistent writing. But, I didn't read her blog, so I honestly have no idea. It seemed to me that she didn't read and review these in order (but I could be wrong) because sometimes she would define something in one book summary that she'd been using off and on throughout the previous book summaries.
I should also admit that I was way more of a BSC nerd than a SVH nerd. I actually read the Sweet Valley Twins (middle-school age) books the most, mostly because I was younger and my mother thought the SVH books were too trashy. After re-reading all these summaries, turns out she was both right and wrong on that point. Yes, they were ridiculous and trashy but also - weirdly PG about everything. There was a lot I didn't remember from these books and sadly, the author barely dives into Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later, which I've been actively mocking since I read it in 2011.
Much like the books, this e-book gets monotonous and repetitive but that is hard to avoid since so many of the books were monotonous and repetitive! However, my one real pet peeve is that the author constantly references the book covers and the readers can't see them! Maybe she had included stills on her blog? (Another reason I think this e-book wasn't edited before being released) Regardless, if you're going to mock a book cover, I want to be able to see it!
Still, this will certainly be entertaining and at times, even laugh-out-loud funny to any die-hard SVH fans out there.
April 27, 2014
This was originally a series of blog post recaps by Robin Hardwick, later turned into a book. It's essentially a sarcastic look back at the first 100 Sweet Valley High books, plus the super editions or thrillers that were published during that time. It was a really fun read, I read it in little chunks and it was amazing how many names and plots came back to me. Because of SVH, pocketbooks and barrettes were the bane of my tween life - I didn't have a bulls notion what they were. But I wanted them. Frozen yogurt was some kind of intriguing new concept, and a lavalier was some kind of elusive, baffling adornment. The book is not as laugh-out-loud funny as Red Lemonade's Sweet Valley High recaps (google them, they're briliantly funny) and there is some repition but that's forgivable considering the recaps were individual blog posts. It's a really enjoyable read and great to know what happened at the end of the Camp saga - I got the first one at Christmas and re-read it so many times but could never find the follow-up.
As an aside, there's an interview in here with Francine Pascal and she sounds like a right.....yeah. She made an absolute fortune by writing story outlines then hiring ghostwriters to churn the books out, yet takes complete ownership of the entire series of books. She's also pretty nonchalant about stuff like bringing characters back from the dead - when asked about one particular character who had died, then returned, then was presumed dead again, she said "She'll be alive if I need her to be". Okay, Francine...
Anyway, if you were a fan of the original books, this is a great read. And it'll make you want to read the originals all over again.
As an aside, there's an interview in here with Francine Pascal and she sounds like a right.....yeah. She made an absolute fortune by writing story outlines then hiring ghostwriters to churn the books out, yet takes complete ownership of the entire series of books. She's also pretty nonchalant about stuff like bringing characters back from the dead - when asked about one particular character who had died, then returned, then was presumed dead again, she said "She'll be alive if I need her to be". Okay, Francine...
Anyway, if you were a fan of the original books, this is a great read. And it'll make you want to read the originals all over again.
October 15, 2013
Saw this a few days ago when my friend Lizz posted that she is reading it. Just purchased on Kindle for.....nothing, so I decided it didn't violate the "buy no books in 2013" pledge, since I didn't buy it. Thanks, loophole!
For true SVH people only, this is an amusing, thorough recap of the series, including the ill-conceived, Wakefield twins as adults Sweet Valley Confidential. I was on the older end of the target audience age for these books, so I only read the first twenty or so before moving on to other things (but I vividly remember cajoling my mom to take me to the A-Mart (yes, a K-Mart knockoff, for a town far too small for any chain stores) to buy the newest one each month - I can't believe they were even delivered to Tazewell on a regular basis, but there it was, each month).
Anyway, the author treats the books with the scorn they deserve (even as an elementary/middle school student I was reading enough decent YA to realize that Sweet Valley was all too ridiculous, even as I aspired to be Jessica (because I was definitely more of an Elizabeth, other than the perfect looks). A fun trip down memory lane, though not really a book to read straight through...perfect to dip into on a Kindle when you need to read while waiting on an appointment or something. That said, I DID read almost totally straight through, but only because it's perfect for short attention span hospital stay reading.
For true SVH people only, this is an amusing, thorough recap of the series, including the ill-conceived, Wakefield twins as adults Sweet Valley Confidential. I was on the older end of the target audience age for these books, so I only read the first twenty or so before moving on to other things (but I vividly remember cajoling my mom to take me to the A-Mart (yes, a K-Mart knockoff, for a town far too small for any chain stores) to buy the newest one each month - I can't believe they were even delivered to Tazewell on a regular basis, but there it was, each month).
Anyway, the author treats the books with the scorn they deserve (even as an elementary/middle school student I was reading enough decent YA to realize that Sweet Valley was all too ridiculous, even as I aspired to be Jessica (because I was definitely more of an Elizabeth, other than the perfect looks). A fun trip down memory lane, though not really a book to read straight through...perfect to dip into on a Kindle when you need to read while waiting on an appointment or something. That said, I DID read almost totally straight through, but only because it's perfect for short attention span hospital stay reading.
December 28, 2013
Amusing book of blog entries where a 30something woman reread all the Sweet Valley High books as an adult. She pointed out some things I never realized as a teenager reading them and I laughed a lot while reading this book. I got it when it was free on Kindle and I think you can google search her name and find the entries online if the book isn't free anymore. It was nice light fluffy reading.
December 31, 2013
I spent a lot of time in the world of Sweet Valley as a tween/teen of the mid- to late-90s. I was mostly into the Sweet Valley Twins series (when they're in Middle School), and didn't get into Sweet Valley High until much later in the series (starting around books #95 and up, after SVH changed into the miniseries format and really got wild — crazy Margo, werewolves, vampires, kidnappings, assaults, murders, earthquakes, getting lost in the desert with escaped convicts on the loose, and so on).
Looking back on the series as an adult, it's fun to laugh at how ridiculous these books really are. Some of the silly stuff I overlooked as a teen, and others I guess I just suspended disbelief. The most famous example is the repeated description in every book of the Wakefield twins having aqua-marine eyes, spun-from-gold blond hair, and perfect size 6 figures. Oh, Francine.
Another item of note: in one book, Jessica Wakefield notices that one of the girls she's competing with in a "Miss Teen Sweet Valley" competition (sponsored by the TOWN) is wearing hearing aids. But that's OK, because her hair hid them. Jeez. When I was in high school, I hid my hearing aids behind my hair. And God forbid you show up in Sweet Valley wearing glasses -- the horror.
Anyhow, on to reviewing this book! "If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High" caught my interest because I though it would be a critical examination of the series. I was expecting it to talk about how the books present the Wakefield twins and their family as epitomes of perfection. I wanted some examination of the series' unrealistic view of high school life. I was also expecting some theories about why Francine Pascal likes to portray the following in a generally negative manner: single people, people who are even the slightest bit overweight, people who live in non-nuclear families, people who are from New England (specifically Connecticut), people who are not rich or upper middle class, people who wear glasses, hearing aids, or some other assistive device, and people who are blind, deaf, or struck with an illness.
The beginning of the book was promising -- it started off with a great general commentary on the series.
Then, it jumped into recaps of each individual Sweet Valley High book. All 143 of them. One at a time. We also get recaps of the Special/Magna/Super Thrillers/Super Romance, etc Editions. The recaps were funny and made me laugh aloud several times. We share many of the same observations/qualms about the books. I love the creative approaches she took with some of the recaps. But they were also tedious and repetitive. I realized later that the recap chapters were blog-to-book. Unfortunately they were poorly edited -- too many grammatical and spelling errors to count, and it's full of abbreviations and slang that work fine in a blog, but are headache-inducing in a book. I can only take so much.
So the two stars are for the great opening chapter and the overall humor. I can't rate it any higher than that due to the other issues.
All of that said, I'd love to see her do a similar recap guide for the Babysitters Club!
Looking back on the series as an adult, it's fun to laugh at how ridiculous these books really are. Some of the silly stuff I overlooked as a teen, and others I guess I just suspended disbelief. The most famous example is the repeated description in every book of the Wakefield twins having aqua-marine eyes, spun-from-gold blond hair, and perfect size 6 figures. Oh, Francine.
Another item of note: in one book, Jessica Wakefield notices that one of the girls she's competing with in a "Miss Teen Sweet Valley" competition (sponsored by the TOWN) is wearing hearing aids. But that's OK, because her hair hid them. Jeez. When I was in high school, I hid my hearing aids behind my hair. And God forbid you show up in Sweet Valley wearing glasses -- the horror.
Anyhow, on to reviewing this book! "If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High" caught my interest because I though it would be a critical examination of the series. I was expecting it to talk about how the books present the Wakefield twins and their family as epitomes of perfection. I wanted some examination of the series' unrealistic view of high school life. I was also expecting some theories about why Francine Pascal likes to portray the following in a generally negative manner: single people, people who are even the slightest bit overweight, people who live in non-nuclear families, people who are from New England (specifically Connecticut), people who are not rich or upper middle class, people who wear glasses, hearing aids, or some other assistive device, and people who are blind, deaf, or struck with an illness.
The beginning of the book was promising -- it started off with a great general commentary on the series.
Then, it jumped into recaps of each individual Sweet Valley High book. All 143 of them. One at a time. We also get recaps of the Special/Magna/Super Thrillers/Super Romance, etc Editions. The recaps were funny and made me laugh aloud several times. We share many of the same observations/qualms about the books. I love the creative approaches she took with some of the recaps. But they were also tedious and repetitive. I realized later that the recap chapters were blog-to-book. Unfortunately they were poorly edited -- too many grammatical and spelling errors to count, and it's full of abbreviations and slang that work fine in a blog, but are headache-inducing in a book. I can only take so much.
So the two stars are for the great opening chapter and the overall humor. I can't rate it any higher than that due to the other issues.
All of that said, I'd love to see her do a similar recap guide for the Babysitters Club!
June 26, 2013
This is probably my fault, but when I downloaded the book I missed the part in the description about this being a blog that was published as a book. The book starts out sort of like a thesis -- about young adult literature and the lives touched by the Sweet Valley series, etc. and then starts to parse out points about how the "author" (Francine Pascal created the series and oversaw a team of ghostwriters) had very specific personal issues, including attractiveness being very specifically defined (blonde hair, height, weight, etc.). Then the dissertation just sort of peters out and goes to an extremely casual (and profane) format, which is what was originally blog content. I was caught off-guard by the tone shift as well as the writing and spelling (punctuation and grammar largely go out the window at this point) and the use of "text speak" in the book, like LOL or IDK.
From here, there is a book-by-book synopsis, along with the author's own comments. The author can be pretty funny at times, however some of the best jokes are stymied by the poor editing in this book. There are typos galore and the grammar is hard to decipher -- and I don't think it's because I'm too old to read something written by someone in their 20's; it's simply a matter of poor editing and missing words and incorrect punctuation. In any case, a large number of the synopses focus on the cover of the books and a comedic critique of them. Unfortunately, these images are NOT in the Kindle version of this book, so unless you're stopping to look them up, the comedy is wasted. Also, this series of books has had a number of covers over the years, so even your own personal collection of books might not match up to what the author is commenting on.
The entries seem to get more profane as the book goes on and the author seems continuously frustrated by the lack of continuity in the books. I guess I understand that, but these are mass-produced books and the "special" volumes were not intended to be part of continuity so it makes sense that those stories/characters only appear once and then disappear.
I guess I was hoping for a more cohesive overview of the series -- to call out Pascal's outline for Sweet Valley and question why everyone with brown hair was considered unattractive or how the twins themselves were so excellently attractive that no one could blame people for constantly kidnapping them. The kidnappers couldn't help it! These girls are just so pretty! The far-fetched storylines really parallels the "soap operas" of the era, so some leeway has to be granted, but the basic treatment of teenagers as people in these books is atrocious and worthy of a well-written critique. As I said in the beginning, it was my mistake for overlooking the "blog to book" explanation, so I shouldn't have expected as much.
Still, I can only give it 2 stars. The content was good enough I would have easily given 3 stars, but the lack of editing is holding me back.
From here, there is a book-by-book synopsis, along with the author's own comments. The author can be pretty funny at times, however some of the best jokes are stymied by the poor editing in this book. There are typos galore and the grammar is hard to decipher -- and I don't think it's because I'm too old to read something written by someone in their 20's; it's simply a matter of poor editing and missing words and incorrect punctuation. In any case, a large number of the synopses focus on the cover of the books and a comedic critique of them. Unfortunately, these images are NOT in the Kindle version of this book, so unless you're stopping to look them up, the comedy is wasted. Also, this series of books has had a number of covers over the years, so even your own personal collection of books might not match up to what the author is commenting on.
The entries seem to get more profane as the book goes on and the author seems continuously frustrated by the lack of continuity in the books. I guess I understand that, but these are mass-produced books and the "special" volumes were not intended to be part of continuity so it makes sense that those stories/characters only appear once and then disappear.
I guess I was hoping for a more cohesive overview of the series -- to call out Pascal's outline for Sweet Valley and question why everyone with brown hair was considered unattractive or how the twins themselves were so excellently attractive that no one could blame people for constantly kidnapping them. The kidnappers couldn't help it! These girls are just so pretty! The far-fetched storylines really parallels the "soap operas" of the era, so some leeway has to be granted, but the basic treatment of teenagers as people in these books is atrocious and worthy of a well-written critique. As I said in the beginning, it was my mistake for overlooking the "blog to book" explanation, so I shouldn't have expected as much.
Still, I can only give it 2 stars. The content was good enough I would have easily given 3 stars, but the lack of editing is holding me back.
September 14, 2014
I was more a Sweet Valley Twins fan than Sweet Valley High, but I read a couple. And this guide is hilarious.
I hadn't realized before now how much the SVH books have in common with the Chalet School books-- SVH has boys, meaner characters, and more far-fetched storylines, but otherwise the two series are basically the same. Which is also pretty hilarious.
This book is NOT for you if you don't like four-letter words (this is the writer's blog in book form, so that's what it reads like), you don't want to read this series that you loved being poked apart, or you don't like books that get repetitive in a hurry-- there are only so many ways to make fun of the same characters doing the exact same thing over and over again.
I hadn't realized before now how much the SVH books have in common with the Chalet School books-- SVH has boys, meaner characters, and more far-fetched storylines, but otherwise the two series are basically the same. Which is also pretty hilarious.
This book is NOT for you if you don't like four-letter words (this is the writer's blog in book form, so that's what it reads like), you don't want to read this series that you loved being poked apart, or you don't like books that get repetitive in a hurry-- there are only so many ways to make fun of the same characters doing the exact same thing over and over again.
March 31, 2019
This book is so funny lol
November 26, 2013
This is a tumblr turned into a book, and the kindle edition still had typos in it. It was fun, but if I'm going to reread a blog turned into a book this year, I'll reread the Hyperbole and a Half book.
October 15, 2013
This is exactly what the title makes it sound like: an unofficial "guide" to the world of Sweet Valley High, recapping every book in the original series. The author's blog, The Dairi Burger, is where I'd originally stumbled across many of these recaps, as she shared the highlights (lowlights?) with other fans of the SVH series from back in the day. This book combines those recaps, plus continues with recaps of the remaining books in the SVH series that were not originally on the blog.
Fans of SVH are really the only ones who'd be interested in this book. Although not a single recaps is without snark, reading short summaries of each book and having the ridiculousness pointed out is awesome. I loved the commentary about certain characters and the highlighting of flaws - ie, Liz and Todd continually cheating on each other and/or breaking up, yet still being considered a "perfect" couple, etc. There are also continual comments about how peripheral characters were treated and how they disappeared and reappeared as necessary. If you want to relive the days of SVH and don't want to reread the actual books (or even if you do), or if you're curious how the series ended, this is such a fun read. And while the commentaries are great, the highlight of the book is definitely the prologue, where the author details her love for Sweet Valley and then elaborates on things she's noticed or lessons learned from the series.
I've seen complaints about how some of the recaps are repetitive and that some points are harped on about more than necessary. These are valid points, especially if you're trying to read this book in large chunks. Parts of this, I know, are due to the fact that there was so much repetition in the original books, so of course any recaps would repeat the same criticisms as well. Another part of this, I'm sure, is due to the fact that each recap was originally written separately and many posted to the author's blog, one at a time, and then only later put together in this book. I noticed the repetition, but it didn't bother me much, since I only read this book little by little. If this is treated more like a "guidebook" than an actual novel, then the repetition isn't a big deal.
The parts I didn't like about this book were the recaps that weren't written as straight recaps but instead written "as told by... (insert author/fictional character here)". I didn't quite identify with the writing or the personality it was written by. For example, one is recapped through the eyes of Kristy Thomas from the Babysitters Club and another is written by Bret Easton Ellis, author of Less Than Zero. These particular recaps were definitely told in a different way from the rest of the book, but they were harder to get through and weren't exactly what I was looking for.
Still, what a great compilation overall. I'm pretty sure I paid $2.99 for the ebook, but it looks like it's now being offered for free - go figure. Totally worth the $2.99, though. Funny recaps that made me remember all sorts of details about my favorite Sweet Valley series, and the commentary was entertaining. I'm pretty sure the only SVH books not recapped in here are the "Secret Diaries", which originally served to recap the original books while adding a few new "secret" plots.
Fans of SVH are really the only ones who'd be interested in this book. Although not a single recaps is without snark, reading short summaries of each book and having the ridiculousness pointed out is awesome. I loved the commentary about certain characters and the highlighting of flaws - ie, Liz and Todd continually cheating on each other and/or breaking up, yet still being considered a "perfect" couple, etc. There are also continual comments about how peripheral characters were treated and how they disappeared and reappeared as necessary. If you want to relive the days of SVH and don't want to reread the actual books (or even if you do), or if you're curious how the series ended, this is such a fun read. And while the commentaries are great, the highlight of the book is definitely the prologue, where the author details her love for Sweet Valley and then elaborates on things she's noticed or lessons learned from the series.
I've seen complaints about how some of the recaps are repetitive and that some points are harped on about more than necessary. These are valid points, especially if you're trying to read this book in large chunks. Parts of this, I know, are due to the fact that there was so much repetition in the original books, so of course any recaps would repeat the same criticisms as well. Another part of this, I'm sure, is due to the fact that each recap was originally written separately and many posted to the author's blog, one at a time, and then only later put together in this book. I noticed the repetition, but it didn't bother me much, since I only read this book little by little. If this is treated more like a "guidebook" than an actual novel, then the repetition isn't a big deal.
The parts I didn't like about this book were the recaps that weren't written as straight recaps but instead written "as told by... (insert author/fictional character here)". I didn't quite identify with the writing or the personality it was written by. For example, one is recapped through the eyes of Kristy Thomas from the Babysitters Club and another is written by Bret Easton Ellis, author of Less Than Zero. These particular recaps were definitely told in a different way from the rest of the book, but they were harder to get through and weren't exactly what I was looking for.
Still, what a great compilation overall. I'm pretty sure I paid $2.99 for the ebook, but it looks like it's now being offered for free - go figure. Totally worth the $2.99, though. Funny recaps that made me remember all sorts of details about my favorite Sweet Valley series, and the commentary was entertaining. I'm pretty sure the only SVH books not recapped in here are the "Secret Diaries", which originally served to recap the original books while adding a few new "secret" plots.
June 6, 2016
I was well aware that this was a blog that was published as a book and it didn’t put me off. I’ve never read anything like this, I even missed out on the Julie and Julia hype. The book starts out like a comedic sort of thesis about young adult literature and the lives touched by the Sweet Valley High series in the 1980s and early 1990s. Didn’t everyone want a twin so that you can try to live your life like a Wakefield twin? Each book had you jumping the fence on which twin was more you – Jessica, the popular one, or Elizabeth, the clever one. From Robin Hardwick’s re-read it’s clear that we were all delusional and that the twins were the original meddling kids. Jessica, a raging sociopath and Elizabeth, an insecure teen deadset on fixing other people’s problems.
I enjoyed the casual, conversational tone of the book, and I really wasn’t bothered by the abbreviations. As a whole it felt like I was reading a personal email or a friend’s opinion-piece. The only criticism I have is the serious lack of editing as spelling and punctuation became a huge problem and hard to decipher at times. After re-introducing you to Sweet Valley, the twins and their friends, the author starts to parse out points about how Francine Pascal and her team of ghostwriters dealt with issues that weren’t too serious with the blonde, beautiful teenagers at the very centre. Sometimes the subject would seem to be serious, like kidnapping, but in the end it all comes down to a popularity contest, and the twins saving the day.
After setting the scene there is a book-by-book synopsis with running commentary by the author. The comments are truly funny, though acerbic and downright bitchy at times. Like I said, it was like reading a really funny email from a friend. Hearing the same joke over and over is just never fun, and as soon as the same observations are made over and over again there is little point in reading much further. A lot of the critique is focused on the covers of the books, something that is completely lost if you’re reading the Kindle version of the book. Call it laziness, but I didn’t feel like googling the title so that I could be in on the joke, and even if I did, there are so many versions of the books that chances are I would’ve landed on the wrong one.
Didn’t end up finishing If You Lived Here, You’d be Perfect by Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High.
I enjoyed the casual, conversational tone of the book, and I really wasn’t bothered by the abbreviations. As a whole it felt like I was reading a personal email or a friend’s opinion-piece. The only criticism I have is the serious lack of editing as spelling and punctuation became a huge problem and hard to decipher at times. After re-introducing you to Sweet Valley, the twins and their friends, the author starts to parse out points about how Francine Pascal and her team of ghostwriters dealt with issues that weren’t too serious with the blonde, beautiful teenagers at the very centre. Sometimes the subject would seem to be serious, like kidnapping, but in the end it all comes down to a popularity contest, and the twins saving the day.
After setting the scene there is a book-by-book synopsis with running commentary by the author. The comments are truly funny, though acerbic and downright bitchy at times. Like I said, it was like reading a really funny email from a friend. Hearing the same joke over and over is just never fun, and as soon as the same observations are made over and over again there is little point in reading much further. A lot of the critique is focused on the covers of the books, something that is completely lost if you’re reading the Kindle version of the book. Call it laziness, but I didn’t feel like googling the title so that I could be in on the joke, and even if I did, there are so many versions of the books that chances are I would’ve landed on the wrong one.
Didn’t end up finishing If You Lived Here, You’d be Perfect by Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High.
October 18, 2013
This was a freebie on Amazon and I immediately bought it because I was a massive Sweet Valley High fan in my teenage days. I used to dream of living in perfect Sweet Valley and remember thinking the twins were just the coolest ever.
This book had me laughing out loud in the first few pages. My kids even begged me to stop laughing as we are taken through an introduction to life in Sweet Valley and the authors reflections upon the series as she revisits them as an adult.
Commenting upon the often political incorrectness and the fact that the characters seem to be akin to Ken & Barbie - full of sexual innuendo but with no genitals. It was hysterical in the outset and I had very high hopes.
Much of the book then moves on to be a book-by-book account of the lives of the Wakefield twins and the authors reflections on how anyone with brown hair is unattractive, how characters with single parents or of ethnic descent are always poor or troubled and just how the Wakefield twins are so beautiful they are always being kidnapped, stalked or avoiding murder meaning Sweet Valley isn't all that perfect.
I lives the start of this book but I got bored about 50% of the way through, I can see how as a blog it worked but to read as a book it was too repetitive and I just lost the will to read a blow by blow account of over 100 books. It was lovely to revisit old friends like Lila, Bruce, Enid & Todd but not in one sitting. It became a little samey but it was awesome to giggle at the outset over something that was such an integral part of my youth and to quote the author just what would Bella Swan or Katniss Everdeen have made of Liz & Jessica Wakefield?
This book had me laughing out loud in the first few pages. My kids even begged me to stop laughing as we are taken through an introduction to life in Sweet Valley and the authors reflections upon the series as she revisits them as an adult.
Commenting upon the often political incorrectness and the fact that the characters seem to be akin to Ken & Barbie - full of sexual innuendo but with no genitals. It was hysterical in the outset and I had very high hopes.
Much of the book then moves on to be a book-by-book account of the lives of the Wakefield twins and the authors reflections on how anyone with brown hair is unattractive, how characters with single parents or of ethnic descent are always poor or troubled and just how the Wakefield twins are so beautiful they are always being kidnapped, stalked or avoiding murder meaning Sweet Valley isn't all that perfect.
I lives the start of this book but I got bored about 50% of the way through, I can see how as a blog it worked but to read as a book it was too repetitive and I just lost the will to read a blow by blow account of over 100 books. It was lovely to revisit old friends like Lila, Bruce, Enid & Todd but not in one sitting. It became a little samey but it was awesome to giggle at the outset over something that was such an integral part of my youth and to quote the author just what would Bella Swan or Katniss Everdeen have made of Liz & Jessica Wakefield?
December 27, 2014
If you're someone who knows me well, you know that I'm a total Sweet Valley fanatic. Yes, I am one of those 30-year-old women who are still living in the blissful nostalgia of the shoebox in her closet filled with the YA books she read growing up. I am a sucker for anything Wakefield, R.L. Stine, or Lisa Frank, and I will be the first to admit it. I was working at The Cheesecake Factory when Sweet Valley Confidential came out and told every single person I worked with about it. Anyway, enough about my secret nerdiness and on to the book...
I discovered this (free!) Kindle book while searching a local used bookstore's site for some SVH books. Yes, I Google Sweet Valley in the middle of my day occasionally. There are lots of awesome SV fan websites, like 1bruce1, and Robin Hardwick is the creator of a site called thedairiburger. This book is a collaboration of all her blog posts, including recaps of almost the entire series, that are snarky, raunchy, and completely hilarious. Hardwick exemplifies how living in Sweet Valley is both idealistic and destructible to the average teen girl's psyche. As long as you're pretty, blonde, and thin, you will have it all in this town. BUT you will never have as much as Elizabeth or Jessica Wakefield. Sit back and enjoy Hardwick's fun take on SVH, told from the perspective of a grown-up reader and true fan. If you love Sweet Valley (i.e., you were a teenage or pre-teen girl in 1995), you NEED to check out this book. Hardwick does not disappoint.
I discovered this (free!) Kindle book while searching a local used bookstore's site for some SVH books. Yes, I Google Sweet Valley in the middle of my day occasionally. There are lots of awesome SV fan websites, like 1bruce1, and Robin Hardwick is the creator of a site called thedairiburger. This book is a collaboration of all her blog posts, including recaps of almost the entire series, that are snarky, raunchy, and completely hilarious. Hardwick exemplifies how living in Sweet Valley is both idealistic and destructible to the average teen girl's psyche. As long as you're pretty, blonde, and thin, you will have it all in this town. BUT you will never have as much as Elizabeth or Jessica Wakefield. Sit back and enjoy Hardwick's fun take on SVH, told from the perspective of a grown-up reader and true fan. If you love Sweet Valley (i.e., you were a teenage or pre-teen girl in 1995), you NEED to check out this book. Hardwick does not disappoint.
July 26, 2013
"That is the stupidest story I ever heard, and I read the entire Sweet Valley High series." Moe Szyslak - The Simpsons. I wish I had a nice animated pic to go with that quote, but alas, I don't. Never mind.
An immensely enjoyable read of some wonderfully funny and snarky Sweet Valley High recaps. I remember reading these books over and over when I was a teen, they were over the top and ridiculous, but totally and utterly addictive.
Even now I'm a grown up I still like picking up a Sweet Valley book and having a giggle at some old favourites and thanks to ebay and amazon market place finding some of the ones I never read. So this book was a must read for me when I found it. (i found it through goodreads browsing Sweet Valley books)
This recap book points out perfectly all the inaccuracies, flaws and everything as grown ups you think how the hell did they get away with this crap?!?!?!? and why oh why was I so in love with this series? Oh well. Massive love to Robin Hardwick for actually reading them all to snarkily recap them in one big volume.
Would have liked to see a little more on the Sweet Valley Confidential and its brilliantly bad insanity, but oh well.
Thanks to reading this, fuelling my nostalgia, I've now gone and got the rereleases of SVH for my Kindle. (Probably a good thing there's only the first 12 available.)
All in all, a fun very enjoyable read.
An immensely enjoyable read of some wonderfully funny and snarky Sweet Valley High recaps. I remember reading these books over and over when I was a teen, they were over the top and ridiculous, but totally and utterly addictive.
Even now I'm a grown up I still like picking up a Sweet Valley book and having a giggle at some old favourites and thanks to ebay and amazon market place finding some of the ones I never read. So this book was a must read for me when I found it. (i found it through goodreads browsing Sweet Valley books)
This recap book points out perfectly all the inaccuracies, flaws and everything as grown ups you think how the hell did they get away with this crap?!?!?!? and why oh why was I so in love with this series? Oh well. Massive love to Robin Hardwick for actually reading them all to snarkily recap them in one big volume.
Would have liked to see a little more on the Sweet Valley Confidential and its brilliantly bad insanity, but oh well.
Thanks to reading this, fuelling my nostalgia, I've now gone and got the rereleases of SVH for my Kindle. (Probably a good thing there's only the first 12 available.)
All in all, a fun very enjoyable read.
September 29, 2013
Within 1 minute of seeing this book mentioned online I had it downloaded and was reading it in the kindle app on my phone. Later I came to realize that I actually had already read a bunch of the recaps on the author's website, but no matter. Robin Hardwick deserves my $2.99 for this important public service she has provided. I don't think a great deal of editing went into creating this book, and there are some typos and references to the blog which were probably not intended, but that also doesn't matter. The language is really informal. Doesn't matter. The only real disappointment I felt was that the kindle version did not have pictures of the book covers, which are a comedy gold mine.
Things I realized when reading this book:
1. I read far more Sweet Valley High than I thought. Maybe half of them? Possibly more. It can be difficult to tell since they are all basically the same.
2. The cocaine which killed Regina Morrow was not also responsible for curing her deafness. Had I ever given that any thought I probably would have realized that particular memory could not be right. It was actually some Swiss doctors.
3. All recaps should be written in the voice of Kristy Thomas (if you are reading this I do not have to tell you who Kristy Thomas is).
4. Elizabeth is not a good person. I never connected those dots, but this book has the overwhelming evidence all in one place.
5. These books are even worse than I remembered.
Things I realized when reading this book:
1. I read far more Sweet Valley High than I thought. Maybe half of them? Possibly more. It can be difficult to tell since they are all basically the same.
2. The cocaine which killed Regina Morrow was not also responsible for curing her deafness. Had I ever given that any thought I probably would have realized that particular memory could not be right. It was actually some Swiss doctors.
3. All recaps should be written in the voice of Kristy Thomas (if you are reading this I do not have to tell you who Kristy Thomas is).
4. Elizabeth is not a good person. I never connected those dots, but this book has the overwhelming evidence all in one place.
5. These books are even worse than I remembered.
April 17, 2013
The ultimate guide to the novels of the Sweet Valley High series, Robin Hardwick's book (based on her extremely awesome blog) aims to recap every book about those infamous blonde twins. And Hardwick succeeds, offering readers a critical look into the 80s series from the perspective of a grown woman with a very different perspective than her pre-adolescent self. Snarky, clever, and often very hilarious, Hardwick's book is a must-read for any die-hard Sweet Valley fan.
If you never stumbled across Hardwick's blog, this book is the perfect encapsulation of what she aimed to do on the internet in book form. Here, she recaps every book in the original series (roughly 180 of them) and tackles the much more recent Sweet Valley Confidential (a train wreck if I ever did see one). Hardwick's recaps are funny, insightful, and mercifully concise. The book works for readers new to Hardwick's recaps, but it also works for longtime fans, as she includes many recaps she never posted on her blog.
Perfect for a day when you're filled with nostalgia and need an outlet. Hardwick has a well-developed voice in her writing and brings the snark to a series of books that offer no shortage of ridiculousness.
If You Lived Here, You'd be Perfect by Now by Robin Hardwick. 2013. Electronic copy borrowed through Amazon Prime.
If you never stumbled across Hardwick's blog, this book is the perfect encapsulation of what she aimed to do on the internet in book form. Here, she recaps every book in the original series (roughly 180 of them) and tackles the much more recent Sweet Valley Confidential (a train wreck if I ever did see one). Hardwick's recaps are funny, insightful, and mercifully concise. The book works for readers new to Hardwick's recaps, but it also works for longtime fans, as she includes many recaps she never posted on her blog.
Perfect for a day when you're filled with nostalgia and need an outlet. Hardwick has a well-developed voice in her writing and brings the snark to a series of books that offer no shortage of ridiculousness.
If You Lived Here, You'd be Perfect by Now by Robin Hardwick. 2013. Electronic copy borrowed through Amazon Prime.
January 15, 2014
This was such a fun read, based on the authors blog about the SVH series. Robin Hardwick went back and re-read every Sweet Valley High book and special as an adult. As she read them, she reviewed them on her blog, then turned that into a fun book.
I read SVH books as a young teen. Not all of them, I was more a Sweet Dreams series fan, but I did get into the Wakefield Twins dramas as well.
If You Lived Here You'd Be Perfect By Now was a fun way to revisit the lives of the ever perfect twins, without actually having to read nearly 200 books myself.
The absolute humor of Robin Hardwick's dissemination of these books and characters had me actually laughing out loud. Her sarcastic and humorous take on the complete unreality of these characters and completely unbelievable story lines reminded me of a time where I actually believed this was how American teenagers behaved and that having a boyfriend was the only way to be accepted into High School life.
Thankfully my own high school experience had a lot less kidnappings, attempted murders, cheating boyfriends/girlfriends and deep and meaningful talks with anyone who would listen. However this trip down memory lane into what I thought HS would be like, was a fun journey back to the 80s, where the hair was high, the music rocking, and the shoulder pads were thicker than ever.
I read SVH books as a young teen. Not all of them, I was more a Sweet Dreams series fan, but I did get into the Wakefield Twins dramas as well.
If You Lived Here You'd Be Perfect By Now was a fun way to revisit the lives of the ever perfect twins, without actually having to read nearly 200 books myself.
The absolute humor of Robin Hardwick's dissemination of these books and characters had me actually laughing out loud. Her sarcastic and humorous take on the complete unreality of these characters and completely unbelievable story lines reminded me of a time where I actually believed this was how American teenagers behaved and that having a boyfriend was the only way to be accepted into High School life.
Thankfully my own high school experience had a lot less kidnappings, attempted murders, cheating boyfriends/girlfriends and deep and meaningful talks with anyone who would listen. However this trip down memory lane into what I thought HS would be like, was a fun journey back to the 80s, where the hair was high, the music rocking, and the shoulder pads were thicker than ever.
February 12, 2014
Typically, excessive snark is something I avoid, but Robin makes it work here. Reading through her book by book takedown, I find myself nodding my head in agreement, while simultaneously thinking, "gawd, how did I miss this when I read SVH as a kid?" I read SVH in the mid-80s, and outgrew the series long before it hit 50 installments, but while the phase lasted, I was hooked. Sweet Dreams romances too. I remember getting ten bucks a week allowance, and every couple of weeks I'd spend an hour sitting on the floor of the bookshop reading one installment, then spend 3 bucks on the next one in the series. But really, in hindsight, was SVH in the 80s any more unrealistic than Trixie Belden or Nancy Drew in previous decades?
I commend the author's creativity though, and her obvious commitment to examining pop culture. Robin, for your next effort, how about taking apart the Girls of Canby Hall so I can finally be convinced that I didn't miss out on anything by not getting to go to boarding school?
I commend the author's creativity though, and her obvious commitment to examining pop culture. Robin, for your next effort, how about taking apart the Girls of Canby Hall so I can finally be convinced that I didn't miss out on anything by not getting to go to boarding school?
August 29, 2014
I have no idea why I read this. It was like watching a train wreck I guess. I think I wanted something to read in the busyness of my life that I could use to make my brain relax, but wasn't so gripping that I couldn't easily put it down and get back to my homework. You know? But man, I'm so glad my mother told me the sweet valley books were trash and that I should have higher aspirations, literarily. So I never read them as a child and I'm glad I didn't. What horrible role models. What horrible people.
I can't really give this book a really bad score, since it doesn't pretend to be anything other than a blog slapped into ebook format. The typos and misspellings and the author's exercise of her freedom to use curse words are all the result of the content bring copied and pasted from a blog, so there's not much I can say about that.
Overall, entertaining in a horrible way. I don't know why I read it, but the blogger/author is humorous and insightful enough, so she did justice to her cause.
I can't really give this book a really bad score, since it doesn't pretend to be anything other than a blog slapped into ebook format. The typos and misspellings and the author's exercise of her freedom to use curse words are all the result of the content bring copied and pasted from a blog, so there's not much I can say about that.
Overall, entertaining in a horrible way. I don't know why I read it, but the blogger/author is humorous and insightful enough, so she did justice to her cause.
February 11, 2014
I gave up on this one about halfway through. A fun compilation of blog entries as the author goes back and rereads the Sweet Valley series as an adult. I read a few of these growing up, much preferring Babysitters Club and some well-developed Christian YA, but it was interesting to look at some of the common tropes and plot lines through adult eyes. What dreck did we devour at that age when we all we saw was the glamour and excitement of being teenagers? How did we not notice the repeated message that pretty is more important than smart or accomplished? Why the obsession with boyfriends? And yet – so many of us were like that. I ended up giving up on this one as the books, less so than the blog, seem very repetitive and there is only so many times the author could point out the ridiculousness in a new way.
April 17, 2013
To be honest, I wasn't a Sweet Valley High girl. Perfect blondes ruling the school didn't interest me; I was a Canby Hall girl. However I do know the characters/plot points enough to LOVE this ebook! Robin's thoughts are hysterical, and calls out the hypocrisy some of the storylines had (Jessica and Elizabeth always being "right"; lack of cultural understanding; the fact that Bruce Patmore had a date rapist feel about him) We also get "guest" commentary from Kristy Thomas from The Baby-Sitter Club books. Incredibly hysterically funny; Diablo Cody, call Robin Hardwick in for a consultant job on the SVH movie!
Jennifer Kathleen Gibbons, author of Ella Bella, Take What You Got And Fly With It, and I Woke Up In Love This Morning
Jennifer Kathleen Gibbons, author of Ella Bella, Take What You Got And Fly With It, and I Woke Up In Love This Morning
August 6, 2016
If you are a girl of a certain age, you probably read the Sweet Valley High books. As a pre-teen I read many of the SVH books and thought Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield were the bees-knees (as I admit to my chagrin).
I downloaded this e-book for free and it turned out to be a humorous read. It discusses the main books and shows how ridiculous the stories and characters actually were. There are a few laugh-out-loud-moments but I did notice quite a few spelling mistakes which spoils it somewhat. Overall, I would have given 3 1/2 stars if possible as it is not quite interesting enough for 4.
I downloaded this e-book for free and it turned out to be a humorous read. It discusses the main books and shows how ridiculous the stories and characters actually were. There are a few laugh-out-loud-moments but I did notice quite a few spelling mistakes which spoils it somewhat. Overall, I would have given 3 1/2 stars if possible as it is not quite interesting enough for 4.
December 13, 2015
I found this funny and interesting.
Ok first of all my life revolved around Sweet Valley from about the age of 10 -18. I am now 39 and these characters still mean a lot to me. This was a funny take on the stories. It made me look at the characters in a whole different light. I guess more as a "grown-up" view. The author does rip apart my beloved characters but she does have some very good points. I honestly don't think anyone could ruin how much I loved these books and characters. Not that I believe that was what the author was trying to do. I think I am going to read some of these again now. This was a fun book and I enjoyed reading it.
Ok first of all my life revolved around Sweet Valley from about the age of 10 -18. I am now 39 and these characters still mean a lot to me. This was a funny take on the stories. It made me look at the characters in a whole different light. I guess more as a "grown-up" view. The author does rip apart my beloved characters but she does have some very good points. I honestly don't think anyone could ruin how much I loved these books and characters. Not that I believe that was what the author was trying to do. I think I am going to read some of these again now. This was a fun book and I enjoyed reading it.
March 14, 2015
I am currently re-reading the whole of the Sweet Valley High series and have enjoyed the reminiscing. I found this book quite funny and tried to read it in conjunction with each book the in the series and it pointed out some things to me that had never really crossed my mind. However, the continual use of bad language put me off it a little. It was quite unnecessary in places. However, the synopsis of the books and the way they were written in a variety of different styles made it enjoyable to read. However , you do need to have read multiple Sweet Valley High books to ‘get’ this one.
January 1, 2014
A fun, guilty pleasure for those of us who indulged in Sweet Valley High back in the day. It is actually a collection of the author's blog entries (which can be found at thedairiburger.com), so it's not something I would have paid for. (I got it free on Kindle.) It's also oddly organized, since the books were originally reviewed out of order, and there are a few typos and such. Still, it was fun to revisit the too-perfect world of Sweet Valley with the author's snarky, cynical thirty-something attitude.
January 22, 2024
This is a must for any SVH fans. A book by book recap of the plots in Sweet Valley. Full of sarcasm and nostalgia. I remember wanting to be a part of these cool kids lives and it's only when you're older and look back that you realise how self absorbed Jess and Liz were (and also how many times someone had tried to kidnap one of them and also how many 'summer special editions there were considering this was supposed to take place over one school year) but that's what you did when you read SVH, you suspended belief and that's why I'll always love it! This is a great read.
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