Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman: What Men Know About Success that Women Need to Learn

by Gail Evans

An honest and practical handbook that reveals important insights into relationships between men and women and work,  Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman , is a must-read for every woman who wants to leverage her power in the workplace.

Women make up almost half of today's labor force, but in corporate America they don't share half of the power. Only four of the  Fortune  500 company CEOs are women, and it's only been in the last few years that even half of the  Fortune  500 companies have more than one female officer.

A major reason for this? Most women were never taught how to play the game of business. 

Throughout her career in the super-competitive, male-dominated media industry, Gail Evans, one of the country's most powerful executives, has met innumerable women who tell her that they feel lost in the workplace, almost as if they were playing a game without knowing the directions. In this book, she reveals the secrets to the playbook of success and teaches women at all levels of the organization--from assistant to vice president--how to play the game of business to their advantage.

Men know the rules because they wrote them, but women often feel shut out of the process because they don't know when to speak up, when to ask for responsibility, what to say at an interview, and a lot of other key moves that can make or break a career.  Sharing with humor and candor her years of lessons from corporate life, Gail Evans gives readers practical tools for making the right decisions at work. Among the rules you will learn

• How to Keep Score at Work
• When to Take a Risk
• How to Deal with the Imposter Syndrome
• Ten Vocabulary Words That Mean Different Things to Men and Women
• Why Men Can be Ugly, and You Can't
• When to Quit Your Job

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Self Help, Leadership, Womens, Psychology, Feminism

191 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

Reviews

[Charlotte Dauphin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was going to be really lame, but my life coach who I have enlisted to help me find some direction INSISTED that I read it. Actually she insisted that I read it, dog ear pages, underline, and write in the margins! I had previously read "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office," and assumed it would be similarly well-intentioned but ineffectual. However, once I picked it up and started reading, it was like it was describing my life. I work in a field that is pretty male-dominated, and in an office that has hardly any females in my position. I realized that what I have been doing (and why I have been so frustrated with my job) is the equivalent of playing Monopoly without having read the directions with a bunch of people who already know how to play. And I'm not talking about the subject matter--I passed the bar exam the same as everyone else here. I mean the WAY you play the game. I would recommend this to any woman who is currently feeling isolated or frustrated in her career, or for that matter any woman who wants to move forward in her career!

[Emma Sea]

Please excuse me while I sit and cry. It was that or slitting my wrists, and that's permanant, so . . . not today.

Apparently, as a woman in business, you can be a Mother, a Wife, a Daughter, or a Mistress. That's the options.

Mother: It's a job for life, but the power is all covert. You have to get things done by "innuendo and manipulation."

Daughter: ingratiate yourself very subtly with an older man who will show you the ropes, but never challenge him. When you're ready, move on and let him know it's all thanks to his great guidance.

Mistress: Use sexual tension to work the power structure, but never, ever actually have sex. With anyone.

Wife: you get to be an equal to some extent, as long as you don't remind your boss of his real wife. Accept the fact he might cut you off in meetings even though it's "frustrating and embarassing", as you know you'll have access to him in more personal time to pass along the information you have to convey: "the office equivalent of pillow talk".

What makes me most upset is the possibility that Evans is correct. The book is 12 years old, but the workplace doesn't seem to have changed much to me. Is this it? Are these our options?

Pass me tissues someone, please?

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you work with men you need to read this book.

[Leceyanti Aripurnomo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like this book because it doesn't support Women Emancipation. I am AGAINST women emancipation. Why? because it clearly shows women's weakness. I think that if a woman wants to reach the top of the mountain, she should work hard for it. Not just "beg a position for the sake of diversity". You want it? Work for it! Have some dignity. If you can't, don't whine. That's what the book is telling us.

So... all independent women, throw your hands up at me!

[Donitello · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my all-time faves. Finally, the definitive book for ANYONE, male or female, who is trying to understand “He Speak/She Speak.”

A career woman who took several years off to raise three children and went on to become executive vice president at CNN, author Gail Evans has demonstrated that she knows how to leverage power in the workplace. Evans readily admits that the rules of business are men's rules. But contrary to many people's belief, they weren't developed to keep women out. Rather, they were developed at a time when few women were around to give input. “Men wrote all the rules,” she says,” because they wrote alone.”

This refreshing book removes women's workplace issues from the realm of politics, and places it where it belongs: in the realm of communication. Stripped of emotional charge, these issues quickly shrink to manageable size. The book then offers practical advice in dealing with them confidently.

I'm serious when I say that this is the book I was searching for for about 10 years. If you are a woman, I virtually GUARANTEE you will get new insight on challenges you currently face, have faced in the past, or will face in the future--in and out of work. If you're a man, I virtually guarantee that some of the most baffling things women do will begin to make sense to you! Can't recommend it highly enough. Do check it out.

[Laurie Neighbors · Rating 3 out of 5]

Problematic in some ways, but helped me get through a tough couple of weeks at work. And much less problematic than other books in this genre many of which are just plain offensive. At least it didn't have "bitches" in the title ...

[Shita Dewi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I knew & decided to buy this book from one of Mark Plus's session nearly 5 years ago. It's really suprised me the way Gail Evans explaining how the emphasis on relationships and results need to be balanced at work. That is a juggling act that seems to confuse many women,including ME and I found this book to be accurate and constructive in this area. Interestingly, I find that a lot of men miss these points, too. In these cases, the results are usually overemphasized at the expense of the relationships.

Basically, the book is all about miscommunication and misconception stalls that occur at work, especially the ones that tend to occur among men and women. The book is very effective in exploring those stalls and inproviding sound advice for overcoming the same stalls.

Perhaps the greatest strength of the book is that it permits the reader to choose her/his own goals (and those may not be material success or power) while adapting the advice to one's own personality and preferences. Basically, any advice we get that suggest we act like the individuals we are is good advice.

After you read and apply this book, I suggest that you think about applying it to nonwork situations, as well. Because I do believe that there's a correlation between the situation inwork & nonwork. Your focus on relationships versus results may be out of balance in those circumstances, too.

Find the perfect balance, just like The Yin & Yang !!

[Tara R · Rating 5 out of 5]

A bible for woman in the workforce. I recommend that you read and re-read this book as you progress in your career and face challenges in the workplace. Gail Evans is wonderful!

[Rachel Simmons · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Gail Evans and I love this book. Reading it is like bringing home a smart, sassy older sister. This is a timeless classic. It's smart, warm, funny, and practical.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this for a professional development book club/mentoring circle. Fresh perspective and straightforward. While some of the advice felt outdated, I appreciate Gail's practical approach of 'it is what it is, so let's see what we can do with it'. I also liked her examples/anecdotes and that her advice was direct. There were portions that I read through and thought it was awfully sexist and unfair, but again - it is the world we live in, no matter what our 'hopes' and aspirations for the future may be.

Definitely would recommend this to those looking to climb the corporate ladder. For someone like me (who mostly wants a good work-life balance and to help patients/do well in her job), it was also a reality check that most people around me think of business as a game and you still need to know how to 'play' in order to achieve the things you want to achieve. May buy this book just to have a physical copy!

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mentor this year recommended this book to me. I just finished it and it had a ton of good information in it!

[Jenish Tailor · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very inspiring for women who are trying to find success in corporate world. It tells you how to behave, what to say, when to say, how to compete with men for a position/projects and when to take risk to achieve goals. It's a very good book! A Must-read.

[Isabella Scoby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay! Definitely told me some things I needed to hear. I think this was the perfect point in my life for me to read this book, especially as a woman in finance. I gave four stars because I wish this had been less about the inherently female traits that I need to turn off and more about the inherently female traits I can use to my advantage. I do, however, appreciate Evans’ forwardness in delivery and believe it was very eye-opening on the male psyche in the workplace. I look forward to taking these lessons with me on my professional journey!

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked the way the author described the different ways men and women grow up. A lot of the issues women face in a male dominated environment are the result of a different socialization, it's really important to understand how the "game" is played by men and to know the rules. What I loved about the book is that the author gives advices and doesn't try to force her opinions on the reader and she never says that one gender is better than the other. I can really recommend this book if you want to learn why men act in a certain way at work.

[Lilijana ᓚᘏᗢ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I need more stars here! A must-read for any woman or man interested in being successful in the workplace. It was so unexpected for me; I had no idea how brilliant, hilarious, and powerful this book was going to be!

[CJ]

Saw her speak the week of 9.17.07 - EXCELLENT - Can't wait to read her book!

[Natalie G · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for business women with or without ambition. Everyone needs a playbook and this ones is for the girls team.

[Ana Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excelente libro, ojala y haya mas literatura que provea una idea general para ser mujer y encontrarte en el mundo empresarial. Una lectura nada feminista

[Mary Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best business books for women. Clearly identifies how we, women, get in the way of our own success and provides information about how to clear our own path. Highly recommend

[Fayande Kimenju · Rating 5 out of 5]

For every woman.

[Farrah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty outdated, but unfortunately a lot of the advice is helpful which ultimately means that these problems still exist. I just got a new job at a major corp and I love it but don't want to fall into the pattern of "meek and submissive employee" that I end up becoming. Here are some lines that resonated with me:

women assume we get ahead because we are better at our job than anyone else. I don't think any woman ever believes she was promoted for any other reason than her excellent performance. as a result, over the years we've adopted a perfectionist model. we don't say we know something unless we're completely confident we do. men are brought up to feel comfortable with a generalized sense of the right answer.

if you have to feel completely safe before you move on or up, you'll never move at all.

stop worrying about whether or not you have the specific competence to do a new job. you'll figure it out soon enough. there's no such thing as completely certain, not in business and not in life.

the one game that most girls learn to play well was the game of knowledge. this is the one we learned in school, the one where we were rewarded with good grades, parental approval, or teacher attention, for being a good student, for doing our homework, for being prepared when called upon. we still rely on the game of knowledge. as a result, we usually enter the workplace convince that the only way to advance is to master our subject backwards and forwards.

women who suffer from The imposter syndrome frequently expend as much energy trying to figure out how to survive the presumed unmasking as they expend doing the actual job.

it's important how you talk to yourself

bosses delegate work to you because they want you to figure it out. if they'd want to figure it out themselves, you'd be superfluous.

girls prefer games that offer a variety of possibilities. these games teach us to become multitaskers, and this ability to multitask becomes part of a woman's existence.

don't tell your troubles to everyone. every mistake, real or imagined, cannot become the subject of a long conversation. every self-destructive thought should not be verbalized. you don't let your anxiety show

[LAFK · Rating 4 out of 5]

English version at the bottom. I am reviewing polish edition, since it's the one I read.

Czytałem polską edycję i ją recenzuję.

Damsko-męskie relacje w pracy też zasługują na książkę, bo wychowanie dziewczynek nie zawsze obejmuje aspekt robienia kariery. Gail Evans zdecydowała wypełnić tę lukę, motywowana własnymi przeżyciami oraz powtarzającymi się doświadczeniami innych kobiet - jak i pytaniami, które te jej zadawały. Evans postuluje, że kobiety wychowywane są inaczej niż mężczyźni, biorą udział w innych grach niż oni i mają inne kryteria zabawy niż oni. To ma zalety, ale nie wtedy, kiedy tak wychowana babka chce robić karierę w tzw. "męskim fachu", gdzie reguły gry ułożyli faceci, często lata temu.

Oceniam tę książkę wysoko, z kilku przyczyn. Pierwsze, niektóre zachowania "kobiece" mogę przypisać kilku facetom, o których wiem, że byli chowani głównie przez kobiety (niektóre nawet mogę przypisać sobie samemu, np. dbałość o komfort wszystkich zaangażowanych w projekt). Drugie, patrząc wstecz, niektóre zachowania koleżanek z pracy stały się zrozumiałe po lekturze. Trzecie, autorka nie pisze banałów o niesprawiedliwości dziejów, nie sugeruje, że mężczyźni to zło, nie zachęca do walki z wiatrakami i nie szermuje polityczną poprawnością. Nie ma w tej książce peanów o dywersyfikacji przechodzących w oburzenie na obecną sytuację i apel o rewolucyjne zmiany do wprowadzenia "od ręki". Evans pisze o sytuacji bardzo pragmatycznie. I ten pragmatyzm to kolejna rzecz, którą w książce polubiłem.

Podsumowując, książka mi się przydała by poszerzyć horyzonty i wyrobić sobie zdanie nt równości płci w pracy. Są fakty i są też mity, mam pewne podstawy by je zacząć odróżniać, oczywiście żadnym autorytetem po jednej książce nie zostałem. Ale - co ważniejsze, mam coś, co mogę polecać znajomym babkom z problemami w pracy, także gdy podejrzewam, że ich zachowanie może te problemy zwiększać lub powodować.


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Evans' book is about male-female relationships at work and as such, it can fill in the gap that girls upbringing is (often) afflicted with. Girls' games are different than boys' are; they don't put such emphasis on winning but favour cooperation (with everyone) instead. Girls are shaped to be care-takers more often and competition is sometimes even frowned upon. Now when they choose to pursue career in male-dominant field, then they do not know the rules, that have frequently been shaped and made by men, sometimes even many years before.

I rate this book highly for some "female" behaviours I could attribute to some guys that I know were brought up by women mostly. Including myself sometimes, it was fun to learn, that my sister and mother shaped me so. Second reason for high rating is that I can know understand some behaviours of my female colleagues. I liked it's pragmatism, lack of empty statements about how current situation is wrong and how it should be right or how males are evil all around and are exploiting and abusing every female they can.

Summarising, I now have broadened horizons when it comes to male-female dynamics at work and - more importantly - something to recommend to my lady-friends when they are facing career-related issues (also when I suspect their own character or behaviour might be contributing as well).

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Table of contents

1. The object of the game --
2. Four ground rules : You are who you say you are ; One prize doesn't fit all ; Work Isn't a sorority ; You're always a mother, daughter, wife, or mistress --
3. Preparing to play : Learn the playing field ; Check out the team culture ; Get picked for the team ; Wear the right uniform ; Set the right goal --
4. How to keep score --
5. Playing the game: fourteen basic rules for success : Make a request ; Speak out ; Speak up ; Toot your own horn ; Don't expect to make friends ; Accept uncertainty ; Take a risk ; Be an imposter ; Think small ; Don't anguish ; Follow the team leader ; Don't assume responsibility without authority ; Sit at the table ; Laugh --
6. Six things men can do at work that women can't : They can cry. You can't ; They can have sex. You can't ; They can fidget. You can't ; They can yell. You can't ; They can have bad manners. You can't ; They can be ugly. You can't --
7. He hears, she hears: ten genderbender vocabulary words : Yes (exactly what it means) ; No (not what it means) ; Hope (the worst word in the game) ; Guilt (it means trouble) ; Sorry (it's a sorry word) ; Aggressive (it's not assertive) ; Fight (it's not a pretty word) ; Game (a.k.a.: fun) ; Glass ceiling (their term, not ours) ; Future (then and now) --
8. How to enter and exit the game --
9. The two final rules : Be a woman ; Be yourself.

[Ruby Lo · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is completely biased and sexist. I feel very offended the whole time. I got this book from a budgeted bookstore and no wonder people gave away it.

1. The author has a very traditional and old-fashion mindset. The examples in the book are completely not relevant and misleading.

2. The author already assumed there are differences between Men and Women, such as the view of the family vs career. This is VERY EXTREMELY sexist. Prejudice!

3. Some points and views in the book are contradicted to each other.

4. The point that I don't understand the most. She assumed that every problem is related to Men and Women. WTH?? It can actually be explained by personality or background differences. Why she has to conclude that everything is because of gender? She is the one cares about the gender THE WHOLE TIME.

I have a really hard time to read this. I read it very fast just want it to end.

COMPLETELY WASTE OF TIME.

[chris · Rating 2 out of 5]

this is the type of book that might be helpful during specific issues, to use as a reference.
didn’t like: points deducted for preface and introduction.
in some ways this feels like it was written in the 1950s. felt incredibly dated.
having men turn you into daughter wife sister mistress was odd. also to continue the relationship so you don't burn bridges??? wtf.
it struck me that there wasn't much in contrast, talked about re asserting your personal boundaries about what is or is not acceptable behavior, related to male/female interactions in the workplace.
liked: some good thoughts on seeing other perspectives, looking deeper into why as a woman, you may have fallen victim to habits/conditioning that does not serve as your best and highest good.
better books: mel robbins 5 second rule, work it out, etc.

[Jessica Ghaney · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some helpful insights, but it didn’t fully land for me.

I appreciated the author’s perspective and experience, and there were definitely a few strong takeaways about navigating male-dominated workplaces. Some of the advice was empowering and practical, especially for women trying to build confidence in corporate settings.

That said, a lot of the content felt a bit outdated. The tone came across as overly generalized at times, with advice that leaned heavily on traditional gender roles. While I understand the intent was to help women “play the game,” some of the strategies didn’t feel as relevant to today’s work environment.

Overall, I think the book could still be useful for certain readers, especially those early in their careers, but it wasn’t as impactful or fresh as I’d hoped.

[MrsDr Mind Games · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was completely blown away after reading this book. I actually wished that I would have read this book upon entering High School. Life would have turned out slightly different for me. Slightly, at least. However, the year is 2020, (February 12 to be exact), and I just completed this book 5 minutes ago. The content was great. The message was clear. The stories were relatable, in a sense. However, this book did have the power to change my perception, along with reading "Break Your Own Rules." I was fortunate to have read them simultaneously. These two books transformed my mind-set as a woman. These two books allowed me to also comprehend the gender-biased rules associated with each categories. It becomes quite clear that these authors are advocates for women.

[Sue Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me over twenty years ago, and although a long time has passed since I read it, it continues to be one of my all time favorite, most influential, and personally impactful books. While it was initially recommended in the context of my experience as a woman in business, I continue to see ways in which areas covered in this book have guided my life, including how I view individual relationships I encounter with men, as well as the ways different genders may view roles of communities vs individuals, and also places where I (as a woman) don’t understand rules set in place by men. This last part about playing a game without knowing rules that others do know was eye opening to be able to name.

[Catalina · Rating 5 out of 5]

“The business world is male-dominated. That is not a criticism nor a condemnation- it’s a reality”.

This book is a compilation of advices and examples of how different men and women react to the same situations. Theses differences are based on the ways we were brought up, we (women) were brought up to be more sensitive, to seek for approval, to express our emotions.
The author provides what we can call a set of rules on how to behave, as a women, in the workplace. Lets us understand why we act the way we do and men act the way they do.
A must read for everyone, including guys out there, so they can understand why we react differently.

[Anabel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hay puntos muy interesantes y reales sobre el ámbito laboral para una mujer en los negocios hoy en día. Sin embargo, creo que si de algo peca el libro es de estar un poco sesgado. Hay muchos argumentos que se vuelven circunstanciales ya que sobre la práctica hay muchos hombres y mujeres que juegan en ambos bandos (para bien o para mal). Me hubiera gustado ver un poco más de sustento de psicología organizacional o casos más aterrizados a la realidad. Sin embargo creo que la experiencia de Gail Evans es un testimonio de éxito por donde se le quiera ver y por eso creo que es un libro que vale la pena leer. No todo aplica pero hay argumentos interesantes sin duda.