Real Vampires Know Size Matters

Real Vampires #10

by Gerry Bartlett

Just when curvaceous vampire Glory St. Clair has her life semi-on track, a woman from her longtime lover Jeremiah Campbell's past steamrolls into town on a mission to win him back. Normally Glory wouldn't feel threatened by a mortal with amorous intentions, but Jerry's ex just happens to be a beautiful voodoo priestess with evil spirits at her beck and call-and a serious lack of conscience when it comes to getting what she wants.

With her mother in the picture now, desperate to get Glory up to Olympus, Glory has her hands full. This time not even her new powers may be enough to help Glory cook up a solution that will help her keep the man she loves.

Genres: Vampires, Paranormal, Paranormal Romance, Fiction, Shapeshifters, Romance, Fantasy

352 pages, Paperback

First published December 3, 2013

About the author

Gerry Bartlett figures that vampires are pretty much like everyone else except for the liquid diet.

Eternity or Mexican food? Tough call.

Gerry’s a native Texan and lives halfway between Houston and Galveston. Pictured with her is her late wonder dog, a Bedlington Terrier named Belle.

When she started writing, she was still teaching and used the pseudonym Lynn McKay. You can probably still find her historical and two romantic suspense books for a penny on-line. Now that she’s no longer in the classroom and discovered the fun of writing about vampires, she uses her real name. Too bad some people think Gerry is a boy's name or short for Geraldine. No, it's not. Really.

She's still writing her Real Vampires series but is back to romantic suspense and contemporaries. Her Texas Heat series starts in Houston, her home town. Then there's her Lone Star Suspense series set in Austin where she went to the University of Texas. She loves the hill country there and brought some of her favorite characters from the Texas Heat series to Austin for the fast-paced suspense in the three books in that series.

You can check out Gerry’s website at gerrybartlett.com to find her blog and articles for writers. Her Perils of Publishing gives the scoop on what happens once "the call" comes. Oh, did you think it would be all roses and champagne? Well, of course it is.

When Gerry's not writing, she's treasure hunting for her antiques business in Alvin. Her favorite finds? Vintage purses and jewelry. It's a struggle not to keep it all. Be sure to sign up for her newsletter for the latest info about her books at http://ymlp.com/xgeyeewwgmgw

Reviews

[Sophia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm always a sucker for humor and blend that with urban fantasy and I will rush to pick it up. The Glory St. Claire series was no exception. Glory is your every day woman vampire whose a bit of a softie and has a confusing romantic life. Both traits manage to land her in trouble more often than not and it takes a bit of luck and help from her friends to save the day. Light and humorous urban fantasy that reads like 'day-time drama, cozy read, and paranormal comedy' all mixed together.

Real Vampires Know Size Matters is book ten in the Glory St. Claire series. It's probably not a good place to start for new readers, but I will admit to skipping several books in the series and doing alright. I read the first four and set aside book five (more on that later), but anyhoo, yes, one could read this one after getting that far because there are some 'catch the reader up' moments when characters bring up the past.

The story opens with Glory happier than ever about finally having things settled between her and Jerry, but her happiness is tinged with a spot of trouble from an ex of Jerry's that has gone all voodoo priestess stalker gal on Glory. The woman is determined to ruin Glory and drive her into giving up Jerry. Jerry has told the woman that he isn't into her and he is back with Glory and Glory is it for him, but Mel still persists. Glory let's doubt creep in whether Jerry is really over the woman and can't help getting stirred up that he was with such a gorgeous put together woman even if she has a crazy stalker side. And she definitely worries that Jerry underestimates Mel and somehow the woman has a spell on him.

Meanwhile, Ray accidentally loses control while drinking from his co-singer, Sienna, and Glory has to come and change over Sienna to save her life. If getting a new vamp adjusted whose angry about her transition isn't enough, Glory is climbing the walls because of her irritating roommate the siren turned mortal, Aggie, now taking her stinking life issues out on Glory and anyone else. Rafe's back to being bodyguard while the dangerous ex is on the prowl and Ian seems more than casually interested in a spellbook Glory has. Glory's mom won't keep pestering her about her life and it's all starting to hit at once. Something's got to give and it may be Glory.

This one is a typical Glory situation. She has a laundry list of things that need her attention and most of it is due to her taking pity or going soft when someone else screws up and she feels she has to help fix it. And, if it's not that, she manages to drama up her love life even if it seems like it should be settled by now. This was definitely the book of the exes both Jerry's and Glory's though Glory likes to pretend its all on Jerry.

It's been many months since I picked up a book from this series. I really loved book one. The next few were good, but certain issues kept cropping back up. So, I stopped reading at book five. I had this later book from the series on my shelf so I figured I'd give it a go and see if maybe moving ahead would take care of some of the stuff that was bugging me.
Nope, the stuff that troubled me was mostly still there (to be fair, her fixation on her weight and looks was toned down and that was good).

Even in a fun and light series like this one, I still want to see a character come into their own and grow and I also want to see a long time building romance grow and mature.
But the thing is, other than a few tweaks to setting, I could have been reading the same book I put down. Ten books in and its still drama central with Glory and the gang minus the danger of the villains in the first few books.

And that brings me to the plot. There is no true conflict in this installment. This was a bland story. It's a string of petty annoyances for the most part with some occasional laughs. I think a fan of the series would probably keep going to see how some of the loose plot threads turn out, but for me, this book did not encourage me to want to see what comes next.

In summary, this was a moderately enjoyable book. The humor is a great addition and I do love the world and the characters even if the plot didn't pull me in. Though this wasn't my thing, it might work for others. I do think those who enjoy the lighter cozy-style urban fantasy should give it a go.

My thanks to Penguin Group for the opportunity to read this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Darcy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really need to stop reading this series, they seem to have the same stick book after book. I am tired of the whole Glory/Blade relationship drama, Glory really needs to decide. I'm also getting tired of Glory thinking that she needs to save everyone who comes across her path.

I get why she wanted to help Ray at the start of the book. I can also see why she needed to follow up with things because Ray totally cocked things up. It's just too bad that Sienna is a nut case. I was almost glad when she took a step too far, she needed to get a reality check with her new world.

I'm glad that Glory did something about Aggie finally, but feel like she was manipulated into it and doesn't realize it. There along with a couple of other times it seems like Glory's mother was there to egg her on and not in a good way. I feel like the the new vampire hanging around Glory took advantage of her when he got her drunk.

With the last few words of the book, it looks like finally, some of my problems are about to be resolved, so maybe I'll check out the next one.

[Booklover Butterfly · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Glory St. Clair series has always been light and fun, and this instalment was no exception. Glory, a plus size vampire, is comical and entertaining, and her love life is often fairly steamy. My slight issue is that I feel like the series has reached its peak and is now heading downhill a bit. I think we have been on enough adventures with Glory that it would be safe to wrap up the series. Over the last couple books in the series, it has been made clear who Glory wants to be with romantically, and Glory herself has been well explored as a character. I don't think there is much room for development of the characters or the overall story anymore. It is just starting to feel a little dragged out. Real Vampires Know Size Matters was a fun, enjoyable read, and I still intend to read whatever comes next in the series. I just hope things reach a final conclusion soon because it is past time it did.

[Kathy Bryson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The dangers of loving a vampire ratchet up to a whole new level in this installment of Real Vampires. Glory's protege Ray accidentally converts his singing partner Sienna and Blade's former flame has become an obsessive stalker. Glorianna St. Clair, however, is coming into her own and can deal with their situations though a spoiled former Siren and an impatient Olympian goddess aren't exactly helping. She may not even need the stalker's self-help seminar!

[Theresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just when Glory’s got Jerry back, an old girlfriend shows up wanting him back and is willing to use voodoo to keep him, willingly or not. I had a hard time deciding how I felt about this one, so this review was hard to write. So the easy stuff first.

Through this whole series, Glory has been on the go nonstop. It’s a good thing she’s forced to sleep from sunrise to sunset or she’d be busy 24/7 and never get any rest. Between running a business, coping with mentoring a newbie vamp and two other roommates, a crazy ex and a meddlesome mother, having a possible singing career pushed on her and tons of little stuff, it’s a good thing she doesn’t have to breathe. That’s part of the reason these reviews are getting so long.

We’ve seen three newbie vamps in this series: Lucky, Ray and Sienna. All three were accidents. All three have a difficult time. All four handled it different and became different people as a result. We already know about Lucky. She the reason vamps have a bad rep and I personally hope she gets taken out by the ancient vamps.

Ray just bounces back and forth. He’s another self-centered newbie. He was already too into himself, becoming a vamp just made it worse. Glory’s better off without him.

I like Sienna and hope she really gets revenge on Ray. But she’s also a newbie. It’s a whole new ball game. She needs to pay attention to someone who’s got some vampire experience and listen to them. I’m glad Glory was able to talk her out of her stupidity before it got her killed. She definitely a better roommate than Aggie.

Aggie’s not a newbie vamp, but this is a new life for her. She definitely needs to get over herself and think of others. Glory did the right thing for her: tough love. Hopefully Miguel can handle her and she’ll be out of the picture. Of course having Glory’s conniving mom working behind the scenes didn’t help.

Here’s the hard part. There’s two main storylines: the voodoo ex and the singing career. Both are chaotic and confusing. Each have enough problems to have been a book in themselves but too mix them together make some parts just don’t feel connected right, which just takes away from the good parts of each. Both storylines are wrapped together like Gordian knot, so that by the end we’re too confused to remember what happened. The singing career part is probably the most interesting and enjoyable, for me anyway.

But come on now, this woman Mel is completely delusional. She’s insisting that Jerry was hers first before Glory took him away from her, but Glory and Jerry have been together for centuries. I think she probably started delving in into the dark side of voodoo to help with the motivational seminar success, then it started ping-ponging back in forth until she fell into the abyss. I hope some of her clients didn’t get involved in the bad voodoo, but at least her life advice seems to be working for them, so she’s done some good.

At first Jerry reactions and denials about Mel are confusing and don’t always match. In one scene he’s saying it couldn’t be her and then he’s admitting that what Mel did was a death threat. (Is it a spell or just male stupidity?). He flip-flops on what to do so he basically runs away, then he can’t stand to be away so he sneaks back, then he tries to fake Mel out. He just runs around thinking off the top of his head. Glory seems to do all the work. Her connections to other voodoo practitioners and in Olympus solve the whole problem.

Quick thoughts: 1)I love Jerry’s attitude during the Ray/Sienna confrontation.

2)The Mars/Loa connection while helpful and interesting, seemed like a quick fix.

Fave scenes: Lacy and the rats, Glory’s singing debut, Periplaneta americana, Jerry landing in the swamp while on the phone and the proposa

[Shweta Choudhary · Rating 3 out of 5]

It has gotten a little boring and slow. But I will keep reading this because I loved this series. And I want to know the end!

[Jes Jester · Rating 5 out of 5]

Glory and Blade have finally and eternally decided to be together and forsake ALL others (and trust me, between these two- there are quite a few 'others'). Ok, so, like, that a wrap, right? Wrong. While Jerry is in Miami trying to deal with the sale of one of his casinos, Glory's bestfriend/ex-lover Rafe drops a hint on Glory that all is not as it seems with her forever-lover, Blade. Blade finally tells Glory the truth of why he dropped his life in Miami and came to Austin, Texas. While Glory is the #1 reason for his move, she is not the only one. You see, while Blade and Glory were on one of their breaks, he became involved with another woman. Now Glory doesn't begrudge Blade as she herself has had many lovers, but this one doesn't want to accept that Glory and Blade are meant to be. While Blade prides himself an his strength of character and his eternal and unshakeable love for Glory, he finally admits that he got in over his head with this woman. She, like so many others in this series, is more than she first appeared. Blade became infatuated with a woman he thought at first, was a successful motivational speaker. But, once he got involved with her, her true powers came to light. She is in fact, a powerful Voodoo queen who is feared by her own people. She is not a 'good' witch and there is something in her blood that gets Blade addicted. She wants Blade for herself and wants Glory gone. Can Blade and Glory be truthful with each other and overcome this seemingly last obstacle, or will the powers of evil keep them from finding their happily FOREVER after?

[Casey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am beyond annoyed that Glory and company didn't get rid of the stupid "voodoo priestess". They just let the b*%ch go! What the heck? Glory needs to be less of a wimp, and so does everyone around her. I can't see how any of them survived this long.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gerry Bartlett. Real Vampires Know Size Matters

This whole series is fantastic and has had me hooked right from the first book Real Vampires Have Curves. I highly recommend reading the series. 🥰

[Fatima Chunara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laugh out Loud brilliance.

[Willow Salix · Rating 2 out of 5]

This series used to be good, but then I felt like the author tried to get too clever and add too much mythology from other thibsg and it all got a bit convoluted and ridiculous.

[Chelsey Wolford · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have only read a few of the books in this series. I hope to start picking more of them up soon because I have not read one that was not fun and entertaining yet. The newest book in Bartlett’s series is just as humor and action-packed as the rest of them. Glory St. Clair gets a run for her money when a beautiful voodoo priestess, who used to date Glory’s longtime lover, shows up with evil spirits right by her side. Glory realizes she will have to defend herself and her man!

Even though I have only read a few of the books in this series, I realize that they all have things in common: they make me laugh. There are so many humorous situations and punch lines that I could not help but read until I was finished with the entire book. We are even introduced to new characters in this book and run into all types of mythical, magical beings. Gerry Bartlett keeps Glory and her gang on her toes constantly and you just never know what types of twists and turns will be thrown in the path!

I still enjoyed this book, even though I have not read every one that has been released. I will say that I do think it would help if I could go back and read all of them. I think that the world and all the deities would make a lot more sense then. The books can still be read and understand just fine, which says something for Bartlett’s writing skills! If you need a good taste of the paranormal world, then pick up the latest in this series today!

***A copy of this book was provided to me by the publishers at Berkley Trade in exchange for my honest review***

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gloriana St. Clair is back to helping everyone out in this book but, is becoming her own woman.
She is growing as a more resilient person. She has chosen to be with Blade and is trying to make
the best of things. Until Ray decides to go a little too far and nearly kill Sienna Star his duet singer and
lover. But as usual Glory is there to help. Glory has to yet again, clean up someone else's mess. So not
only is Glory dealing with a new vampire but an ex pain in the butt siren and now a voo doo priestess.
It seems that Glory is the one thats so reliable that everyone is having her clean up their messes. But I
think (hope) that this will not be continuing in the next book.
I really enjoy this series. But as it says in the book. I just wish Glory was not everyones "door mat". She
is a character that was written as strong and can handle anything that comes her way. Only now she
seems to be a woman that has lost that part of her character. I hope that Glory finds her way back to her
old self.
This book will keep you hoping thats for sure. Some Rock Stars to Voo Doo. You never know where
Gerry Bartlett's great stories will take you.

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Just when curvaceous vampire Glory St. Clair has her life semi-on track, a woman from her longtime lover Jeremiah Campbell's past steamrolls into town on a mission to win him back. Normally Glory wouldn't feel threatened by a mortal with amorous intentions, but Jerry's ex just happens to be a beautiful voodoo priestess with evil spirits at her beck and call-and a serious lack of conscience when it comes to getting what she wants.

With her mother in the picture now, desperate to get Glory up to Olympus, Glory has her hands full. This time not even her new powers may be enough to help Glory cook up a solution that will help her keep the man she loves

so its taken me awhile for me to read since I was having issues with the first edition Nook it wouldn't let me get past the first page in chapter one. :(

So I've been reading it on my laptop and I just finished the book and I'm in ♥
I mean come on I got Blade,Rafe and Ray and a side of Ian make a girl drool why don't cha!
Loved that glory got her voice back and can't wait to see how everything plays out can't wait for the next book!!!!

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poor Glory! Gloriana St. Clair and Jeramiah Campbell have finally reached a point in their very long lives where the planets are aligned perfectly for the love they have for each other. Jerry is not with another woman and Glory knows there is no other who can make her as happy as Jerry can. But when an old love of Jerry's enters the picture by making trouble for Glory's Vintage Vamp clothing store and setting Zombies behind her home to eat her, will Jerry finally admit he's let one psycho too many into his life? Glory wants no problems with this voodoo priestess but has finally had enough. Battling for the love she cannot do without against an all powerful woman who wants to see Glory dead will come against a wall that no one saw coming. Glory is glorious...everyone who meets and gets to know her know how much joy Glory gives to all in her presence. But don't push Glory too far...she has a surprise or two to unleash. I adore a real sized vamp and the men who freely admit they love her too!

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another fun, funny, sexy read in the Glory St. Clair series. Because we are ten books in I do not recommend starting with this book, Real Vampires Know Size Matters. There are too many reoccurring characters and earlier story lines being told that it wouldn’t be easy to jump in here. But for fans like myself who have been here since the beginning, this was such a joy to read! Answers were given, action, smexy times, it had it all. I love that Glory is coming in to her own and gaining confidence when previously she played the damsel in distress. Because this story did end on a bit of a cliffhanger I’m really hoping there’s more to come but at the time of writing this I’m not seeing what’s coming next from Gerry Bartlett. Fun read!

[Lynda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It took awhile for Glory to realize that she is not responsible for everyone when they are in trouble, but she does try to help if she can. Love that she got her singing voice back and realized when she wants to focus on in regards to her career. I think that even though she is no longer a siren she still has the passion of one which makes it harder for her to commit to one man but in the end love triumphs and she can finally give her heart to the man she loves with her whole heart. I see her mother pushing her in certain directions but so far she seems to be only egging her on to use the strength she already has and hasn't really taped into, though with Hebe you never know what she is really up too. Can't wait for the next book!

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

Man, I love this series.

I really, really hope there are going to be more books, but I can't tell if there will be or not from that ending. Glory accepting Blade's proposal seems like it could be the end, but then she threw in the stuff about Miguel's heritage so now I'm not sure.

I love that after 10 books, this series is still fresh. I loved Sienna getting turned and Aggie getting her comeuppance. Aggie is one of those characters I love to hate, but she was awful in this book so I was proud of Glory for kicking her to the curb. I'm also happy that Glory finally realized she is a doormat and is acting accordingly.

MORE PLEASE! I'm not ready to leave Glory's world behind yet.

[Debra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a fun series! Always love and anticipate each of these books. The story always has substance, the returning characters are so much a part and the heart of the story line. The author lets the books tell their stories and the ratio of narrative and description are ALMOST perfect. I do have to *sigh* post my personal gripe here. I have probably read 100 books this year so when it comes to a series like this with such dramatic cast, I need a few more clues about who they are and what part they have played in the past. Several these characters have 2 names, some more: Jerimiah-Jerry-Blade; Aggie-Angel: Ray-Isaac: Rafe-Valdez, etc. This is a little hard to keep up with for me.

[Catherine Crook · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gerry Bartlett, you didn't hit a homerun with this one, it was a FRIGGIN grand slam! Words cannot describe how amazing the tenth installment of your RV series was. All my favorites showed up, from the vamps and shifters; to the gods and goddesses; to voodoo wielding exes and ex-sirens... a new VAMP, a new working relationship and a BIG FAT 'YES!' In the words of a big name in the music biz: This book "knocked my socks off!" (I am pointing at my sockless loafers!) I was on pins and needles the ENTIRE book. Bravo Ms. Bartlett, BRAVO! And plus, "Fever" is one of my favorite songs, when Blade broke those chains... *swoons*

[Kimberly Shaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it, even with the Twilight ending. I even said "really?" aloud when I read it. Glory went in an interesting direction. I'm getting sick of Israel Cain, who is like an annoying mosquito in this book. I think it's fish or cut bait time with his character. Still not sure who is supposed to be the leading man, Rafe or Jerry. I'm not finding Glory's musings about her love life credible. Given what is going on, I guessing she's far more conflicted about who she she be with given her reaction to the men in this book. I found that made her character more wishywashy. Hard to see where the plot is going now, too, but I'm in until the end of the series.

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I love you, Gloriana.” His voice became husky. “Believe that, if you believe nothing else.”

Real Vampires Know Size Matters is a great addition to the Glory St. Clair series by Gerry Bartlett. Glory, Jerry, and crew are at their quirky best in this action packed installment.

I am relatively new to the world of Glory St. Clair, but I found it easy to get to know the characters and the storyline by jumping in here with book ten. I really liked the vibe between Glory and her friends.

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[Rachel Swords · Rating 4 out of 5]

So much good stuff in this one book! Glory finally decides to stop being a doormat for her friends and enemies to walk all over; she actually bonds with her mother (I still want to see her visit Olympus- future book plot maybe?); Siren Aggie is put in her place (though there's potential for her to become a future baddie); and the big one- who Glory chooses for her main man is finally settled. Also, Glory sings! It's all a big potpourri of plot and character development that ends happily for our heroine.

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fast read. Although it was well into the series of books, I was able to follow the history of most of the characters if not the significant nuances.

the characters were fun and interesting. as to the reviews that claim that the author has begun to boilerplate the plot in the series, I can't comment about it, as this is the first I've read. and, given the fun of this one, I'd read another.

***free copy received from Goodreads giveaway***

[Kristin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I'm just over this series. The stories feel tired, the "who will she end up with?" is gone, and I just honestly have never really liked Jerry that much (which is weird, since normally the thought of a kilt makes me so happy). Of course I'll probably keep reading, but I sure hope they get fresher again!

[Amygal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one was more of a 3.5 for me. I really do enjoy this series but this was just 'meh' to me. I'm hoping there will be some interesting developments coming in the next books--like Hebe and Zeus, Miguel, Aggie, Sin....some good things to go off there to sideline a wedding. Hopefully we won't have to wait too long for the next one.

[Jennifer-Eve Workman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this through Goodreads First Reads Giveaway.

Very funny read. This is the first book I've read in the series and I enjoyed it. Very funny twist to a vampire tale! It's also great to finally read about a vampire who isn't a perfect 10 in the looks department! Glory is a fantastic character! Totally worth the time to read and recommend!

[Missyb · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked having many of the characters in this book, and Glory's humor was pretty good as always, but felt a little bored with this one. Had some good moments, but action wise was not as good as others. Blade is still off, and that makes things boring. It felt like things to come with Ian was hinted at, who knows.

[Tanya Moser · Rating 5 out of 5]

loved this one it was probably my favorite of them all!!!! Sure I love Jerry he is probably my favorite of all her men, but the real thing to me was how much stronger I felt Glory was in this book, how much more sure of herself, she truly didn't need the man but still wanted him... I really liked that... =)

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't even express how much I love this series! Gerry Bartlett takes you on so many adventures with Glory with twists and turns that you don't see. I love Blade and love love love how this ended. I can't wait for more books.