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Dear Sister: Letters From Survivors of Sexual Violence
Dear Sister,
It wasn't your fault; it was never your fault. You did nothing wrong. Hold this tight to your heart: it wasn't your fault.
At night when you lay there and your mind fills with images and you wonder if only, if you had . . . if you hadn't . . . . Remember: it wasn't your fault.
In Oakland, California on March 24, 2015 a fire destroyed the AK Press warehouse along with several other businesses. Please consider visiting the AK Press website to learn more about the fundraiser to help them and their neighbors.
Dear Sister shares the lessons, memories, and vision of over fifty artists, activists, mothers, writers, and students who share their stories of survival or what it means to be an advocate and ally to survivors. Written in an epistolary format, this multi-generational, multi-ethnic collection of letters and essays is a moving journey into the hearts and minds of the survivors of rape, incest, and other forms of sexual violence, written directly to and for other survivors.
Dear Sister goes far beyond traditional books about healing, which often use "experts" to explain the experience of survivors for the rest of the world. Where other books about rape weave the voices of feminists and activists together and imagine what a world without violence might look like, Dear Sister describes the reality of what the world looks like through the eyes of a survivor. From a professor in the Midwest to a poet in Belgium, an escapee from a child prostitution ring, a survivor advocate in the Congo, and a sex worker in San Francisco, Dear Sister touches on issues of feminism, love, disability, gender, justice, identity, and spirituality.
Praise for Dear Sister:
"This chilling, heartbreaking, and necessary collection consists of letters from 40 artists, activists, writers, and students, who are survivors of sexual assault and here offer counsel to 'sister' survivors. Every story is shadowed by the teller’s sense of shame, brokenness, depression, and pain, but at the same time, in anticipation of the addressees’ experience of sexual assault, the letters also offer comfort, solidarity, reassurance, the possibility of healing, and testimony of survival."—Publishers Weekly
"There is nothing on earth more changeful than telling our stories honestly, and listening to the stories of others with an open heart. That's especially true for survivors of sexualized violence who've been silenced by shame. These 50 brave Letters from Survivors of Sexual Violence will open floodgates of memory, expose body-invasion as the most traumatic of crimes, and show victimizers the roots and damage of their acts. I'm very grateful to Lisa Factora-Borchers for editing this book, to Aishah Shahida Simmons whose foreword sets a high bar of honesty, and to all the voices in it. I think you will be, too."—Gloria Steinem
Lisa Factora-Borchers is a Filipina writer and editor whose work has been published in make/shift, Bitch, Left Turn, and Critical Moment.
Contributors: Aaminah Shakur, Adrienne Maree Brown, Alexis Pauline Gumbs, Allison McCarthy, Amita Y. Swadhin, Amy Ernst, Ana Heaton, Andrea Harris, Angel Propps, anna Saini, Anne Averyt, annu Saini, Ashley Burczak, brownfemipower, Brooke Benoit, Denise Santomauro, Desire Vincent, Dorla Harris, "Harriet J.", Indira Allegra, Isabella Gitana-Woolf, Joan Chen, Judith Stevenson, Juliet November, Kathleen Ahern, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Marianne Kirby, Maroula Blades, Mary Zelinka, Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, Melissa Dey Hasbrook, Melissa G., Mia Mingus, Michelle Ovalle, Premala Matthen, Rebecca Echeverria, Renee Martin, River Willow Fagan, Sara Durnan, Sarah M. Cash, Shala Bennett, Shanna Katz, Sofia Rose Smith, Sumayyah Talibah, Sydette Harry, Birdy, Viannah E. Duncan, and Zöe Flowers.
It wasn't your fault; it was never your fault. You did nothing wrong. Hold this tight to your heart: it wasn't your fault.
At night when you lay there and your mind fills with images and you wonder if only, if you had . . . if you hadn't . . . . Remember: it wasn't your fault.
In Oakland, California on March 24, 2015 a fire destroyed the AK Press warehouse along with several other businesses. Please consider visiting the AK Press website to learn more about the fundraiser to help them and their neighbors.
Dear Sister shares the lessons, memories, and vision of over fifty artists, activists, mothers, writers, and students who share their stories of survival or what it means to be an advocate and ally to survivors. Written in an epistolary format, this multi-generational, multi-ethnic collection of letters and essays is a moving journey into the hearts and minds of the survivors of rape, incest, and other forms of sexual violence, written directly to and for other survivors.
Dear Sister goes far beyond traditional books about healing, which often use "experts" to explain the experience of survivors for the rest of the world. Where other books about rape weave the voices of feminists and activists together and imagine what a world without violence might look like, Dear Sister describes the reality of what the world looks like through the eyes of a survivor. From a professor in the Midwest to a poet in Belgium, an escapee from a child prostitution ring, a survivor advocate in the Congo, and a sex worker in San Francisco, Dear Sister touches on issues of feminism, love, disability, gender, justice, identity, and spirituality.
Praise for Dear Sister:
"This chilling, heartbreaking, and necessary collection consists of letters from 40 artists, activists, writers, and students, who are survivors of sexual assault and here offer counsel to 'sister' survivors. Every story is shadowed by the teller’s sense of shame, brokenness, depression, and pain, but at the same time, in anticipation of the addressees’ experience of sexual assault, the letters also offer comfort, solidarity, reassurance, the possibility of healing, and testimony of survival."—Publishers Weekly
"There is nothing on earth more changeful than telling our stories honestly, and listening to the stories of others with an open heart. That's especially true for survivors of sexualized violence who've been silenced by shame. These 50 brave Letters from Survivors of Sexual Violence will open floodgates of memory, expose body-invasion as the most traumatic of crimes, and show victimizers the roots and damage of their acts. I'm very grateful to Lisa Factora-Borchers for editing this book, to Aishah Shahida Simmons whose foreword sets a high bar of honesty, and to all the voices in it. I think you will be, too."—Gloria Steinem
Lisa Factora-Borchers is a Filipina writer and editor whose work has been published in make/shift, Bitch, Left Turn, and Critical Moment.
Contributors: Aaminah Shakur, Adrienne Maree Brown, Alexis Pauline Gumbs, Allison McCarthy, Amita Y. Swadhin, Amy Ernst, Ana Heaton, Andrea Harris, Angel Propps, anna Saini, Anne Averyt, annu Saini, Ashley Burczak, brownfemipower, Brooke Benoit, Denise Santomauro, Desire Vincent, Dorla Harris, "Harriet J.", Indira Allegra, Isabella Gitana-Woolf, Joan Chen, Judith Stevenson, Juliet November, Kathleen Ahern, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Marianne Kirby, Maroula Blades, Mary Zelinka, Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, Melissa Dey Hasbrook, Melissa G., Mia Mingus, Michelle Ovalle, Premala Matthen, Rebecca Echeverria, Renee Martin, River Willow Fagan, Sara Durnan, Sarah M. Cash, Shala Bennett, Shanna Katz, Sofia Rose Smith, Sumayyah Talibah, Sydette Harry, Birdy, Viannah E. Duncan, and Zöe Flowers.
178 pages, Paperback
First published December 23, 2013
26 people are currently reading
1312 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
December 5, 2014
I have a poem in this book, and I have read the work of several of the other contributors, and I am tempted to give this book 5 stars right off the bat just because. Indeed, the words collected in these pages are powerful, heart-wrenching, and necessary. I am honored to have been included in such an important work.
October 8, 2024
started out so promising but after the chapter of the “ femme sexwork is so empowering i love working at glory holes bc it empowers me” i couldn’t anymore i dnf😑 i can’t comprehend how you can put chapters of child prostitution victims next to this libfem crap like i hope the authors go to hell
February 10, 2014
I recommend this book for everyone who wants to know how survivors of sexual violence feel. Or if you a victim of sexual violence, this book is from survivors and it lets you know your not alone and Its not your fault no matter what anyone says. It lets you know there are others out there that has gone through something in their life and they want you know their story.
February 19, 2014
An extraordinary collection. It never glorifies the violence. It celebrates survivors, the many ways woman live thru and past sexual violence. It allowed me a way to reconsider some of my own experiences, and feel deep compassion for people hurt by sexual violence in relationships that should have been trustworthy. I want to share this book widely; I want to hold this book close.
May 20, 2014
As a survivor, I find other survivor's stories and ideas about rape culture fascinating. This book is destined to become a classic to put on the shelf with Courage To Heal. Truly powerful, truly inspiring--I love this book!
March 9, 2014
A very important book for survivors and those who love them — to hear and be heard.
November 18, 2018
This book had a deep impact on me. There were so many different perspectives and approaches to this kind of trauma allowing everyone to gain insight from every little paragraph. Every single person who contributed to this book had this one goal: To help another sister, who may be suffering. This book gave me new insights. It is a great lesson to basically everyone as on drawing strength from adversity and remaining true to yourself.
May 3, 2014
It is 2014 and still it is necessary for a book like this to even be written. So many conservative groups teach women to just shut up; and when they do, here's what happens:
"If we teach women that there are only certain ways they may acceptably behave, then we should not be surprised when they behave in those ways. And we should not be surprised when they behave in those ways during attempted or completed rapes.
Women who are told not to speak up too loudly or too forcefully or too adamantly or too demandingly are not going to shout "no" at the top of their goddamn lungs just because some guy is getting uncomfortably close. Women who are taught not to keep arguing are not going to keep saying "no."
Women who are taught that their needs and desires are not to be trusted, that they are fickle and wrong and are not to be interpreted by the woman herself, are not going to know how to argue with "but you like kissing, I just thought..."
Women who are taught that physical confrontations make them look crazy will not start hitting, kicking, and screaming until it's too late, if they do at all.
Women who are taught that a display of their emotional state will have them labeled hysterical and crazy (which is how the perception of events will be discounted) will not be willing to run from a room disheveled and screaming and crying...
People wonder why women dont' "fight back," but they don't wonder about it when women back down in arguments, are interrupted, purposefully lower and modulate their voices to express less emotion, make obvious signals that they are uninterested in conversation or close physical proximity and are ignored...
They seem normal to women, and they seem normal to men, because we were all raised in the same cultural pond, drinking the same Kool-Aid."
THAT is just one small quote from this 230 page book. There are personal accounts, there are poems written by women who are trying to understand or process, and there are thoughtful explanations trying to right this wrong, and there are letters, "Dear Sister," written to help other women who need to know they are not alone.
"If we teach women that there are only certain ways they may acceptably behave, then we should not be surprised when they behave in those ways. And we should not be surprised when they behave in those ways during attempted or completed rapes.
Women who are told not to speak up too loudly or too forcefully or too adamantly or too demandingly are not going to shout "no" at the top of their goddamn lungs just because some guy is getting uncomfortably close. Women who are taught not to keep arguing are not going to keep saying "no."
Women who are taught that their needs and desires are not to be trusted, that they are fickle and wrong and are not to be interpreted by the woman herself, are not going to know how to argue with "but you like kissing, I just thought..."
Women who are taught that physical confrontations make them look crazy will not start hitting, kicking, and screaming until it's too late, if they do at all.
Women who are taught that a display of their emotional state will have them labeled hysterical and crazy (which is how the perception of events will be discounted) will not be willing to run from a room disheveled and screaming and crying...
People wonder why women dont' "fight back," but they don't wonder about it when women back down in arguments, are interrupted, purposefully lower and modulate their voices to express less emotion, make obvious signals that they are uninterested in conversation or close physical proximity and are ignored...
They seem normal to women, and they seem normal to men, because we were all raised in the same cultural pond, drinking the same Kool-Aid."
THAT is just one small quote from this 230 page book. There are personal accounts, there are poems written by women who are trying to understand or process, and there are thoughtful explanations trying to right this wrong, and there are letters, "Dear Sister," written to help other women who need to know they are not alone.
February 27, 2014
This is a wonderful book. I can't speak to whether or not it would be useful to survivors (although I'm guessing that it would), but it's absolutely essential reading for professional academics. Why? Because they (actually, "we"; I'm one too) generally live in an incredibly abstract world. Of course I thought that sexual abuse was bad prior to reading this collection. But what this collection did was put me back in touch with all kinds of visceral experiences, experiences that are more important in this case than any abstract formulations.
July 21, 2014
Unabashedly some of the most upfront feminist lit that I have read in years. Apparently the battle wages on--which wave is this anyway? I digress.
My hope is that this book reaches its audience and brings empowerment and a desire to find voice for the pain. I hope that survivors and advocates get exactly what they need and disregard the stuff that they don't. That's what I did--and no matter which letter/ poem/ blog, I appreciated the heart and candor of each writer.
Thank you.
My hope is that this book reaches its audience and brings empowerment and a desire to find voice for the pain. I hope that survivors and advocates get exactly what they need and disregard the stuff that they don't. That's what I did--and no matter which letter/ poem/ blog, I appreciated the heart and candor of each writer.
Thank you.
April 3, 2017
What a great idea. So many point of views, but all the same message: you are not alone; you can get through this. Very empowering and inclusive. Bravo!
October 9, 2022
A necessary read for all survivors of sexual violence, I loved this so much, thank you.
‘You can’t always put something behind you, but you can put it beside you’
‘You can’t always put something behind you, but you can put it beside you’
December 31, 2013
review forthcoming...
April 11, 2024
In the introduction to Dear Sister is a trigger warning. And in case you have experienced sexual violence the warning makes complete sense. In the book, you'll 40 letters written by survivors, and they are very individual in nature. You can find some that are more report-like, while some are simply there to give support to a survivor. What all of them have in common, and some letters actually focus completely on, is the message that none of what you went through was your fault, and more than once it is stated that the writer of a letter believes the survivor, which is crucial. Another message that I find just as important is how outrageous the cold-hearted ‘get over it’ sounds to survivors. Of course, it would be convenient for people who do not want to think about this topic that the assault is over, the physical harm has healed, so things should be fine... . They are not fine. One letter in the book is about a survivor writing about what happened within the closest family. Imagine, how long does it take to feel safe again when the one violating you was your own father, in the place where you should feel safe, at home? So, sexual violence can affect people in many different ways, often for many years, and the letters in this book give you an idea about this, among other things.
The variety of what is being said in these letters is quite staggering, and depressing, too. However, many of these letters come with a message of hope, too.
So, yes, this book has the potential to be triggering. Nevertheless, I definitely found it worth reading. You will find so much understanding, sadness, and hope in it that it can be heartbreaking, because this is about real people. This is one of those titles that can help raise awareness to a topic that still needs to be talked about. 5 out of 5 stars.
The variety of what is being said in these letters is quite staggering, and depressing, too. However, many of these letters come with a message of hope, too.
So, yes, this book has the potential to be triggering. Nevertheless, I definitely found it worth reading. You will find so much understanding, sadness, and hope in it that it can be heartbreaking, because this is about real people. This is one of those titles that can help raise awareness to a topic that still needs to be talked about. 5 out of 5 stars.
April 25, 2018
This book is an important read for survivors of sexual violence and those who want to be good allies. When the #MeToo movement gained traction, this article https://medium.com/@persimmontree/con... helped frame for me where it falls short. Not everyone can say, "No." When people took sides on Aziz Ansari, more critical discussions looked at those who consent simply to survive.
This book is written by and for people who know have lived this experience intimately and by reading the letters, fellow survivor can take comfort, and their allies can gain insight into how to best support.
This book is written by and for people who know have lived this experience intimately and by reading the letters, fellow survivor can take comfort, and their allies can gain insight into how to best support.
July 20, 2020
This book highlights how everyone’s journey is different. Intense and beautiful works of art - poetry, prose, drawings, and discussions around sexual abuse, survival, overcoming, weightiness, transformative justice, and moving toward inner peace in various ways. Be sure to read the prologue as there is important logic around how the book is structured and who was asked to participate and how it was titled. It’s hard to read sometimes, but this is acknowledged by the editors at the start and is in easily digestible chunks.
June 4, 2020
This anthology is a collection of stories, poems, and articles from women who experienced sexual violence and how they survived. It is beautiful and harrowing. These women are warriors and this book will definitely stick with me.
November 20, 2022
Very hard to follow because there was no story line. Some letters were very relatable, but it was not an interesting page turner. Maybe it would have been more beneficial sooner in my healing pathway.
February 23, 2024
Dear Sister
Every voice that wrote these letters is so different from the others.....but taken and read all together, the wisdom of each reflects more completely on one another. It's not an easy read. but searingly honest and more hopeful than we might first expect.
Every voice that wrote these letters is so different from the others.....but taken and read all together, the wisdom of each reflects more completely on one another. It's not an easy read. but searingly honest and more hopeful than we might first expect.
January 3, 2024
I'm not alone.
July 13, 2016
This collection of short stories/poems only paints a glimpse of the complex emotions someone goes through when they experience sexual trauma. I find that it helps other people, who do not understand, to be more empathetic towards such topics as the different steps someone undergoes in their own particular healing process, the feelings connected with victim shaming, and fear of re-victimization.
June 27, 2014
Dear Sister is an emotional read. I think it is something everyone could benefit from reading, even those that haven't experienced the violence of a forced sexual event. I know several people that I will pass it on to, and allow them to take the emotional journey that so many are forced to take.
I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads.
I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads.
December 4, 2014
I'm obviously a bit biased to love the book since I contributed an essay to it, but reading this book is best with a cup of tea and a clear head. Love love love to all the contributors and to Lisa for bringing this into the world.
March 24, 2014
Lisa Factora-Borchers brought together an amazing group of writers to create an anthology that speaks to the heart of the survivor's story. A must read for anyone who wants to change our society of rape culture.
July 16, 2014
Beautifully written, intimate tales of survival by courageous women who wrote with the purpose of providing support to other survivors of sexual violence. I highly recommend this especially to those who are survivors or are the loved ones of survivors of sexual violence.
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May 9, 2013Wow. A lot to process.
And wow.
And wow.
November 27, 2014
I hated this. I don't feel the need to explain.
May 19, 2015
As much as I wanted to like this book, I didn't end up connecting with it.
January 21, 2016
Powerful prose. One gets the sense that this was quite a cathartic experience for the authors.
July 19, 2016
5 stars for discussion of intersections/differing identities/points of view that one might not necessarily hold but are important to read nonetheless. the variety of voices is refreshing.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews