Everyday Sacred: A Woman's Journey Home – Plain and Simple Insights on Shifting Perception

by Sue Bender

WITH SIMPLE SHIFTS OF PERCEPTION, EACH OF US CAN FIND THE SACRED IN EVERY DAY. Like the vibrant yet simple quilts that led her to live within the Amish community and to write about the experience in her bestselling book 'Plain and Simple', the em

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction, Memoir, Self Help, Religion, Biography, Inspirational

166 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

Born in New York City, Sue Bender received her BA from Simmons College and her MA from the Harvard University School of Education. She taught high school in New York and English at the Berlitz School in Switzerland. She later earned a Masters in Social Work from the University of California at Berkeley. During her active years as a family therapist, Bender was founder and Director of CHOICE: The Institute of the Middle Years. In addition to being an author and former therapist, Sue Bender is a ceramic artist and much sought after lecturer nationwide. She lives in Berkeley, California with her husband Richard, and is the mother of two grown sons.

(from http://www.harpercollins.com/cr-10775...)

Reviews

[Liaken · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book never quite made it for me. I kept waiting for it to develop. But instead it just hung out in the "half-formed" stage throughout the entire book. The author might have something to communicate, but she never quite gets there. She offers what amount to be a whole bunch of starts for what could be enlightening essays--but they are only starts. Sometimes the starts had moments of nice inspiration, but they never went further. Her tone also bothered me: somehow she came across as condescending and "protesting too much." I guess as a reader, I never connected with her. I did, however, very much enjoy the cover and the title. Looking at the book did more for me than reading it.

[Karen Floyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

A slender book, but full of wisdom and great stories. I find something new every time I read it. "We ourselves make each day what it is. The fortunate and unfortunate will always be with us, but our responses - maintaining dignity and equilibrium - to whatever befalls us, determines whether the day is good or not."

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the kind of book you could learn something new from each time you read it. It's a quick read that gives you a lot to think about, especially if you are spinning around, zipping through life or not making connections in your personal relationships.

[Kiyoko · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short book with small dimensions and wide margins, and peppered with simple ink drawings of dishes and animals. 165 pages of emptiness; that is the theme of the book. Sue says it right away in the preface, the printed words inside an inked empty bowl-like shape:

"This story is about a bowl.
A bowl-waiting to be filled.
If what I have just written makes no sense to you, I am not surprised.
If I had known in the beginning what I was looking for, I would not have written this story.
I had to trust there was a reason I had to write, and I didn't have to have it all figured out in order to begin.
I would find what I was looking for along the way."

Sue searches, not unlike Sarah Ban Breathnach in "Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self", for empty pots. Photos of a friend's pot. Pots broken and glued back together. Flower pots. Fabric pots. Coffee mugs and tea cups. She draws p.... pears.

She purges belongings a'la Marie Kondo, and attends classes about things she is interested in but not very good at because she is letting go of how she appears to others.

Lots of interesting beginnings in this book, as I read page after page. Mel, and Mitzi, and Yvonne, Michael, Aloush, David, Helen, Nancy, Betsy. The names come up in snippets of conversations, return in later pages, relating to one another in abstract ways.

We end with Japanese tea bowls, a rendition of Stone Soup, and exploding pots, hot from the kiln.

I like a book that make me think about what is not said, provokes questions without answers. I didn't like it while I was reading it, but upon completion it was oddly satisfying, which is what any pot aspires to do.

3.5 stars because, although there was substance, it lacked seasoning.

[Gina · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

I first read Everyday Sacred in 1996, and I probably would have given it a solid five stars then. Why else would I have carried it with me as I moved from city to city? Why else would it have survived several rounds of decluttering?

While looking at my books today (to see what I might sell or donate), I searched my library for the title. And here I am -- having devoured the ebook in a day.

Everyday Sacred is a sweet reminder that we often have whatever it is that we need. And since my library has a physical and electronic copy, I no longer need me physical copy.

[Cath Van · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every now and then, especially when I find life overwhelming I turn to a cherished, read more than once, book on my shelves. Everyday Sacred by Sue Bender is one of those. The begging bowl in this book is such a powerful image. The begging Zen monk receives the food people can spare in his bowl with gratitude. It's an ongoing practice to accept what happens in life and the world around me as a gift in my begging bowl.

[Jennifer Talarico · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book that I could return to again and again. It is thought provoking and expansive. A good centering tool, written in a language that is both personal and accessible.

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book of learning. Begging bowls, tea ceremony bowls, buddhism, quiet thoughts on life.

[Ellen Little · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved her book “Plain and Simple,” so I was really looking forward to reading this book. I was disappointed, however. It just didn’t seem to be cohesive or profound.

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve had this book on my to-read list for seven years. The title is great, as is the cover image. Beyond those two things, the book was a disappointment. The central image of a begging bowl, and of accepting whatever comes, is a good one but it wasn’t developed.

[Carol · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was... just okay. I liked the premise, but not the execution of it. The metaphor of a Buddhist monk’s acceptance and gratitude for whatever is placed in his begging bowl is a lovely one. But beyond that, most of the stories didn’t move me. They felt strung together, it’s no sense of flow or order. I had the impression of a fairly neurotic woman who believes she judges herself harshly but actually has an exaggerated sense of her own importance. I could well be wrong about her but I finished the book feeling like I wanted it to be much more inspiring.

[Katherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

A collection of short thoughts about life, relaxing, and appreciating the little things in life. Beyond making the mind calm, the content of this book is really not that inspiring.

[Connie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very well written inspiring book.

[Dhruti Shah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book. Totem!

[Lavonne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book to start out a new year with. Affirms previous resiliency training.

[Sasha Wolf · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sue Bender is the author of Plain and Simple: A Woman's Journey to the Amish, and here writes of her struggles to integrate what she learned from her Amish hosts into her life in New York. She eventually succeeds, or at least begins to make progress, through a metaphor based on Buddhist begging bowls. She develops the metaphor quite powerfully, but I was a little uncomfortable with the appropriation it involves. It might have bothered me less if I hadn't read Plain and Simple last year - I think she does actually have genuine respect for both the traditions she borrows from, but the way she moves from one to the other, combined with her rather impressionistic writing style, does makes her attitude seem somewhat superficial and overly entitled. I probably won't read any more of her books for the time being.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and I am sure I will be referring back to it often. The primary illustration/metaphor in the book is the begging bowl used by Buddhist priests to collect, actually beg, food from people passing by. Sue Bender points out that the priest must accept what is put in their bowl and that is what they will eat that day.

Using this image, Bender explores what comes into the various bowls in our lives--some being literal bowls such as a soup pot and some being the spiritual bowls of our bodies and our relationships--and what we can do to notice what comes in and what to do with it. Certainly gratitude is part of the conversation, but so is taking some things out of the bowl and making more active choices about what goes in.

[Rianna Starheim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read, some nuggets of wisdom. Overall a bit disconnected from groundedness or reality? Gift from my husband years ago.

"She discovered her slowed pace helped her look at the world as if through a microsocope." -p 39

"We cherish what remains of that which is in the process of passing" -p 48

"The best of what we are is more than enough."

"Maybe that's the beginning of wisdom. There are no answers, there are just experiences." -p 137

"...there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people." -p 147

"I say I want to change, and then, when I'm unexpectedly given the opportunity to try new behavior, I hold on to an old, familiar way as if my life depended on it." -p 154

"The Latin root of the word 'perfect' means only 'finished,' not 'without flaws'" -p 156

[Jennifer Pruett · Rating 4 out of 5]

This small book chronicles author Sue Bender��s journey of self-discovery, in which she hopes to be less self-critical and more self-accepting. It has many lovely tidbits, like:
“Things don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”
“How we speak to ourselves can have a powerful effect on what happens in our lives.”
“Good deeds have echoes.”
However, sometimes this book and its author seem to take themselves a little too seriously, and I just wanted to tell them to lighten up!

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book at a thrift store ten or so years ago and bought it with the intention to sell it but then held on to it kind of accidentally. Found it in a box the other day and what do you know? This book about bowls with the world's corniest title, which I never would have bought for myself, ended up being exactly the thing I needed to read this week. Excited to read Sue Bender's other books and to return to this one again and again.

[Heike · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed. To me this read like a poorly edited prose poem. Not only did I not really get anything helpful from the book, I didn’t find it to be a terribly cohesive or enjoyable read. There were a few nuggets that I took with me, mostly “this is what was put in your bowl.” These are the cards you were dealt, play them. Not bad advice, but not terribly original.

[Betsy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Every once in a while the author says something that made me go "Oh!", but not often, so I was glad for the short entries. I found the writing arrogant and privileged. Poor you, didn't want to be in a small town in Italy. The point of this book is to find the sacred in everyday things. She obviously didn't learn to accept what was put into her begging bowl when she was at home in Berkeley.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Musings on working with, and enjoying, what’s in your ‘bowl.’ I wasn’t mind blown, but the overflowing tea analogy hit me hard. I feel like my mind has been full of too many things, and living here in remote Idaho is helping me empty it so more knowledge can enter later. I also resonated with the idea of little sabbaths and knowing that the best of what we are is more than enough.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my go to book for when I want to connect inside with the concept of a giving bowl or creative growth or seeing the sacred in the everyday. It's my third read and I am sure there will be more.

It's an easy read and one with much resonance,

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short book of reflections on the pressures we put on ourselves every day to do more, achieve more, be more, instead of living in and for the moment and what we are doing. "Be here now" or, as I try to remind myself everyday, no one promises you tomorrow. Thanks, Molly.

[Emma Berger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely my style of thinking. Lots of metaphors and simple meaning, but that’s exactly what we need to be called back to. Lots of stories from lots of Indigenous cultures, and a lot of pottery references.


Still unsure about the rating. 3.5 rounded up, for now.

[Tiare · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got halfway through this book and realized I didn’t want to finish it. It was just a collection of thoughts with no transition between one or the other.

[J Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favourite books!! :)

[Sarah James Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Asher

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the premise of this book, finding the sacred in the everyday, and the author had many good insights. It is a collection of short vignettes, which sometimes felt scattered to me.