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400 pages, Hardcover
First published February 6, 2024
It is just conceivable I am proof that it is all a colossal bluff, Blair Thought. Two years of disgraceful concealment and unpreparedness, habituated to failure, shrinking like a girl at the sight of a mere rat in the corner of a dak bungalow, disgusted by my sweaty men when they march, hiding in my room whenever someone mentions a party or a dance at the club, taking refuge in my books, appalled when I see myself in the mirror in uniform, slope-shouldered, my tabs askew, my puttees slipping down my shins, blaming my houseboy yet knowing the fault is mine, unashamed at lashing out at my bearer, the old man Myat who bobbled and broke my lacquer bowl - all that, and he hugger-mugger visits to Monkey Point, pressing money into the tiny hand of a sweet-faced tart, so that I, a well-fed sahib, can have my wicked way with her, a hungry native. Yes, I'm the Proof.
For this I am rewarded, my probationary status lifted, promoted to full assistant district superintendent with a raise of seventy-five rupees a month, for lording it over thirty Indian and Burmese guards at the refinery - in league with the brute McPake - and, oh yes, the underpaid, beleaguered and brow beaten native guards do all the donkeywork.