Living Out Loud

by Anna Quindlen

"A panopticon of life in this decade, sure to be valuable to future social historians She touches on life, love, home, family, work, men, women, children and issues large and small."
CHICAGO TRIBUNE
The voice is Anna Quindlen's. But we know the hopes, dreams, fears, and wonder expressed in all her columns, for most of us share them. With her NEW YORK TIMES-based column, "LIFE IN THE 30s," Anna Quindlen valued to national attention, and this wonderful collection shows why.
As she proved in OBJECT LESSONS and THINKIN OUT LOUD, Anna Quindlen's views always fascinate.

Genres: Essays, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Biography, Feminism, Adult

Paperback

First published January 1, 1988

About the author

Anna Marie Quindlen is an American author, journalist, and opinion columnist.
Her New York Times column, Public and Private, won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1992. She began her journalism career in 1974 as a reporter for the New York Post. Between 1977 and 1994 she held several posts at The New York Times. Her semi-autobiographical novel One True Thing (1994) served as the basis for the 1998 film starring Meryl Streep and Renée Zellweger.

Reviews

[Brina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Before Anna Quindlen became an award winning novelist, she was a syndicated columnist for the New York Times. Joining the newspaper right out of college and rising through its ranks relatively quickly, Quindlen wrote a "Life in the Thirties" column once a week for the paper, offering her take on anything from childrearing and feminism to growing up Catholic and memories both good and bad from her youth. Needing a book written by an author with the last name Q to complete an A to Z author challenge this year, I naturally turned to Quindlen, one of my favorite contemporary authors today. Living Out Loud takes me back to a time when Quindlen was a young mother in her thirties and balancing work, family, and everything in between.

If the feminist movement wanted a poster child for cracking the glass ceiling, it could look no further than Anna Quindlen. A graduate of Vassar College, Quindlen went on to be a reporter and then human interest columnist for the New York times. Before graduating, she took on the role of freshman dormitory counselor, mentoring first year students in everything from abortions and birth control to what major would land them a quality job upon graduation. Quindlen became a full time student within a year following her mother's passing. As the eldest of five children in an Irish Catholic family, Quindlen was expected to stay home until marriage to assist her father with the raising of her four younger siblings. Yet, she desired much more than just marriage, and, after procuring a full time housekeeper, Quindlen enrolled at Vassar and made her way in the world. After landing a job at the Times, she purchased a three room studio apartment and became a city person and quality columnist, never looking back, eventually winning a Pulitzer in journalism for her efforts before turning to the novel writing that we know so well today.

Over the years I have enjoyed reading Quindlen's nonfiction essays and how to on life books as well as novels such as Black and Blue and more recently Miller's Valley. I found it refreshing to read this collection of essays from when she was close in age to where I am now with two young children at home, grappling whether to work or to become a full time home maker. Quindlen dealt with many of the issues that many young mothers have always dealt with including birthday parties, whether to give kids sugar, how many kids to have, and balancing both work and kids and giving each kid enough attention so they all experience their parents' love in full. I found her columns on Sesame Street and The Royal Wedding Pig-Out to be full of her dry, witty humor that I have grown fond of over the years, and could see glimpses throughout the collection of the award winning columnist that she grew to be.

In addition to tips on balancing being a working woman and mother, Quindlen also tackles serious issues of the day such as abortion, birth control, capital punishment, and genetic diseases. While Quindlen is a feminist, she is also a cultural Catholic, and both she and her husband take a middle of the road stance on abortion, at least they did thirty years ago upon publication of this collection. After reporting on two groups of pregnant teenagers, one low income in the city and another affluent in the suburbs, Quindlen notes how the economically advantageous group still could have a bright future whereas the lower income group would be forced to bare their children and continue the cycle of poverty. In columns Execution and A Sick Friend, she offers her views on retribution and the death penalty as well as AIDS, which was a hot button issue during the late 1980s. In each instance, she offers quality arguments as to her stance on these issues, providing her readers with a well thought out, grounded look at life in general.

Today Anna Quindlen is a veteran author of many books. At the time of publication of this collection of columns, she was working on her first novel Object Lessons. She turned to book rather than column writing because the deadlines were not as strict, allowing her more time at home with her children. While I have enjoyed her many novels and, as a stay at home mother by choice, value her decision, I also enjoyed this collection of newspaper columns. Tackling everything from hot button issues of the day to parenting, Quindlen offers a unique look at life, which I enjoyed reading immensely. Thankfully, I have not yet read her full body of work so that I can save another book of hers for next year's A to Z author challenge.

4+ stars

[Kelsey Stewart · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simply put, I want to be Anna Quindlen. Her voice, her style, her empathy, her vision - I am in awe of her. I wish I could hang out with her just for an afternoon, with the hopes of becoming a little more like her simply through osmosis.

[Lisa Vegan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adore Anna Quindlen. My favorite books are her compilations of columns, such as this one. (The only novel of hers I’ve thought was spectacular is Black and Blue.) She writes very well, thoughtfully and often with humor about everything personal, cultural, political, etc. in such a way that it’s easy for (so many, not just me) to feel as though she’d be a wonderful friend. I highly recommend these columns to all except those who are extremely conservative perhaps.

[King · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I was a mere wee lad I never got anything in the mail. I thought it a bit unfair that mom, dad and occasionally my sister would get stuff from the mail but not I. I thought if you had mail with your name on it, you were somebody. Now of course I know that getting stuff in the mail is over rated. And though it is sort of true that getting mail made you somebody, more often than not, you were merely a "somebody who owed someone else money." But prior to all these revelations, one of the first things I did when I was able to hold a full time job was to sign up for a magazine subscription. Because I wanted to be learned I choose Newsweek. And that is how my love affair with Anna Quindlen began.

So when I saw this book at a library on the for sale shelf, I did not hesitate to purchase it. And at a mere 25 cents, that my friends, is a definite steal. (I would have gladly paid quadruple). A collection of Quindlen's articles, it is amazing how some the contents of her writing still resonate true. Perhaps that is the true measure of the sagacity of one's words, it's immunity to time and relativity. Quindlen covers a range of topics all written in manner akin to the grace of a world class ballerina. My personal favorites were: "Hurt Feelings," "Alone," "Sickness,"

Though I am aware that her pieces are geared towards those homo sapiens with vaginas, I appreciate them nonetheless. I love it's candor, its sense and sensibilities, it's humor. I feel reading her pieces gives me insight on the perspective of the fairer sex. Of which of course, I plan to use to my advantage...err... I mean for the betterment of mykind... err... I mean (wo)mankind.

[Les · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm quite a fan of Anna Quindlen's works and have read all but one or two of her books. I've had a copy of this collection of syndicated columns for many, many years and the Nonfiction November challenge was just the nudge I needed to finally dip into it. Each essay is about three pages in length and I wound up reading dozens of the columns back-to-back. It might have been better to read one or two a night, but I was impatient to move on to another book, so I zipped through this one. While it's a fairly quick read, I didn't love the book.

Written for The New York Times in the late 80s, much of Quindlen's essays felt dated and not relevant to my current life. My 60th birthday is just around the corner and the author was in her 30s when she wrote her column. However, I'm not sure my 30-something-year-old daughter would find much that would resonate with her, either.

A couple of entries gave me pause and I found myself thinking that the more things change, the more they remain the same:

My husband and I are educated people, and I can't tell you what a whoop we got out of it when we heard the story--untrue, it developed--that Joe Biden would get back in the race, too. Was that silly or what? "Ted Kennedy's next!" we both shouted. "Nixon," I screamed. "Like the T-shirt says, he's tanned, rested, and ready." (Written after Gary Hart dropped out of the 1988 race for the presidential nomination.)

and

The problem is that we would love absolute certainty on all aspects of this issue. We are a nation raised on True or False tests. We want doctors to give us the answers, which shows how short our memories are. After all, it was the doctors who told us that smoking wouldn't kill you and amphetamines during pregnancy didn't do a bit of harm. We want to know precisely how this disease spreads and why some people who are exposed get it and some don't and whether being exposed means inevitably getting sick. First we hear that the biggest argument against transmission through casual contact is that health-care workers don't get it. Then we hear that health-care workers have gotten it. And we don't know what to believe. All we know for sure is that getting sick means dying, at least so far. (Not about COVID-19, but AIDs)

and

I still read constantly: if my kids ever go into analysis, I'm sure they will say they don't really remember my face because it was always hidden by a book. Obviously this is in part because I like books. But another reason is that I like to be alone. I like to go deep inside myself and not be accompanied there by anyone else.

When I sat down to write this review, my first thought was that I don't care for Anna Quindlen's books of nonfiction. And yet, as I scrolled through my blog, I discovered that I gave three of those books high ratings. Loud & Clear was, coincidentally, one of my selections for the 2007 Nonfiction November challenge and I gave it a 4/5 rating. Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake and Nanaville also received 4/5 ratings and I shared several favorite passages in each of those reviews. The only remaining book of her essays that I have not yet read is Thinking Out Loud, which was published in 1993. I think I'll pass on that one and read Alternate Side (her latest novel) instead.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

after a day of hearing a bunch of unhappy 50-something year old women complain about men, about dying alone and growing older, and a lot of other uplifting stuff, i came home and saw my mom had checked this book out of the library. im hoping that its a positive, less wrist-cutting inducing discussion of being a woman than the previous "advice" i had been exposed to.

i mean, this is the inscription, so that alone was worth it: "To take what there is, and use it, without waiting forever in vain for the preconceived - to dig deep into the actual and get something out of that - this doubtless is the right way to live." - Henry James

----

having read more of it, i can say its a little bit dated, and definitely i side with the reviewers who complain about her somewhat limited, privileged upper middle class white lady point of view. a lot of it has been said before (omg, men don't get women!). its an amiable read, with some reassuring takes on being a mom, wife, daughter, woman, but overall reads like what it is - a collection of short columns by a well-off 2nd wave feminist.

[Shannan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Okay, here is what I think about this book. It was great, but about two years too late for my life. This book was written in the late 80's by the great Anna Quindlen and I love her. This book was written when she was relatively the age I am now and I thought I could relate quite well to this work. Ehhh.
I just didn't find myself running to this book. Each chapter is quite short (about 3-5 pages) and so abrupt. And to be honest, the material was a little dated. If you must read women who write short funny prose in their late 30's - read Anne Lamott or Ayelet Waldman, so much better. Did I love this book? Not really. Do I regret reading it? Not really.

[Jan Priddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved Quindlen's columns! Smart, fair-minded, and far-reaching. I can only guess at the year. I was reading everything she had so probably the day it came out. I was working in a university bookstore throughout college. I paid attention.

[Dee · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's always scary to pick up a beloved book and re-read. I originally read this probably the year it came out (or soon thereafter). I did read the New York Times for work so I may've been introduced to Quindlen that way. Or maybe I just saw the book on a shelf and it spoke to me.

And it really did. Quindlen is about 10 years older than I am, and she represented everything I wanted to be: a successful journalist who had transitioned to being a columnist. A feminist. And a wife and mother. I can honestly say she impacted me as a 20-something.

Thirty plus years later, she is still spot on. I can see now that she had more of an ease I lacked. Maybe because she had two parents, at least until she was 19 when she lost her mother. She had siblings. Her transition to married and having children was easier than mine. Her husband also set up her transition to columnist and later fiction author since he was a lawyer. She could afford to do things I never could.

She still resonates and I can see both how much the world has changed and how it hasn't. She fears abortion could be taken away as a right. And boy, was she right. At the time of this book, AIDS was a huge, omnipresent fear. Homosexuality was still very closeted. Women in workforce in large numbers was still new.

I love that she embraced homosexuality, both literally and figuratively (inviting a friend with AIDS over and letting them eat with them and hug and play with her children). I love that she was a vocal feminist.

A few things she got wrong: she didn't envision all-gender restrooms. She envisions an end to homelessness.

I'm just as enamored with her as I was then and continue to see her as a mentor.

Favorite quote: "Have you ever noticed that what passes as a terrific man would only be an adequate woman?" Yes, Anna. Yes.

[Kay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Before being a novelist, Anna Quindlen wrote a column for the New York Times. This book is a collection of some of those columns. Similar to Ann Patchett’s “These Precious Days,” this style of writing really resonates with me. I think that is because it is the kind of writing I like to do- short essays on a subject. It’s what I do on my blog. Though Ms (and she would like this title) Quindlen is far more liberal than I am, I enjoyed reading her views on different subjects. I mostly appreciated how well written they were. She wrote the column when she was a young mother in her thirties. They reflect her views on subjects young mothers in the 1980s were interested in: babies, child-raising, influence of grandparents, working mothers, feminism, birth control, abortion, etc. It was an enjoyable read. 3 1/2 stars from me.

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a compilation of previously published columns from a NY journalist. Interestingly, since it was published around 30 years ago, not much has changed! She writes about life in NY, marriage, children, religion and values, and her general take on managing as a wife and mother and writer. It is actually somewhat sad and depressing to me that so little has changed in all this time regarding politics and the advancement of women. It was a great book to read at night before going to sleep, as each section is only a couple of pages and you don't have to concentrate to remember what you previously read, ha ha.

[Kathrina V. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this years ago. And reread it and reread it and I'm still rereading it now actually. I'll probably come back to this book again in the years to come. It's the kind of book that captures and expresses your own thoughts and feelings exactly and that may be ironic because the book is about someone else. Some chapters I don't love as much as the others and more I can't even relate to yet but the book just talks about being nakedly human and maybe that's why it speaks out to the soul so loud. That's why I love it.

[Pam Bedore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading that this was a kind of time capsule for the period. Absolutely!

As a feminist scholar reading this in 2024, I thoroughly enjoyed Quindlen's smart, nuanced perspectives on important topics around gender, parenthood, and life from several decades ago. She has a great authorial voice and this series of short articles was refreshing and comforting in a time in which we have made a lot of progress on topics around gender....but where that progress is also very much in peril.

The audiobook, read by Maria Krovatin, is excellent.

[Beverly Diehl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first read this collection of short essays, from her "Life in the 30's" columns, years ago, as well as many of the stories when they were first out in print in the 1980's.

She's a talented writer, and the stories are, in turn, poignant, humorous, engaging. Re-reading it now is a little like opening a time capsule. Some of what was so important, then, still is; other things are mostly forgotten.

Enjoyable on a number of levels.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the way Anna Quindlen writes!

[Ruth Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thoughtful and humorous essays.

[Elena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertaining but I’ve enjoyed her other books more

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having read Blessings and How Reading Changed My Life earlier in the summer, I decided to request Living Out Loud (LOL) from the library. Though it came about 100 pages into The Group by Mary McCarthy, I started reading LOL as soon as I picked it up on Thursday when Sam and I were at the library for the Battle of the Books. I love the way Anna Quindlen writes and I can identify with her so much, though I don’t always agree with her and we have very, very different lives. The collection of short articles is perfect for start and stop reading, though I got through the book in just two days. I devoured the book! LOL was published in 1988 when both Anna and I were in our mid-thirties, though she was married with two young boys at the time. In LOL, she writes about men, motherhood, religion, feminism, home and tradtion. I want to reread Loud and Clear, which was published in 2004. If she hasn’t already Anna needs to write about life in the 50’s.

[Stacy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A collection of Quindlen’s columns that she wrote for The New York Times starting in 1986 until the book was published in 1988. The columns range from her looking back to growing up in the 1960′s to her raising her own children. I found that I really couldn’t connect with much of these columns. There was such a focus on being a woman and what that meant for her in relation to feminism, having a career and children that I felt like I was past the birth cut-off for optimal reading enjoyment. It was dated, but since I am a woman and mother I was hoping to get more out of it. I’ve enjoyed her novels but I’m not sure if I’ll read more of her nonfiction.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book; a collection of her nationally syndicated "Life in the 30's" columns. We would have been great friends and I enjoyed her thoughts very much even if I didn't always agree. Some columns brought tears to my eyes, others made me want to write her a letter immediately, others made me want to explain a point of view. It wasn't a story you could get lost in because each bit was so short. This was good when I was busy as it provided one or two great ideas to mull over but it wasn't really relaxing if I wanted to read several stories in one sitting because you were moving from story to story so quickly. I wanted to spend more time with each one.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bumma gave me this a while back, and I have kept it in my car as the book to read while waiting for the school bus to arrive, or in carpool line etc. I really enjoyed the majority of the book. Only the last section or so, were less appealing to me- not that I disagree with what she was saying, but I guess I'm more into mom stuff and family stuff than politics.

[Phyllis Brett · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compilation of Anna Quindlen's columns from when she wrote for the New York Times. Smart, funny, interesting and insightful. She covers everything from current events and politics to life as a working mother. May be a little dated now, but this and her other compilation book "Loud and Clear" is what hooked me on her as my favorite contemporary author.

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of the pieces in this collection are entertaining and a few are easy to identify with and feel the author is talking directly to you. However, my overall impression was a disappointing "know it all" feel from the writing. I generally love to read about other women's experiences with marriage, working, motherhood, and balance but this didn't touch me the way I'd hoped.

[Deborah K.]

I don't remember this book, which is very strange for me. I have no recollection of it and no idea what it's about. But apparently I read it because it's on my list that I keep in the back of my journals...

[Phyllis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Anna Quindlen. I am sure it is partly because she and I see eye-to-eye on so many things. I find that she writes about everyday issues and always challenges me to think about those issues in new ways.

[Dottie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, as usual, Quindlen just takes over -- I can't read a Quindlen alongside other books obviously as I just end up buried in her book and the others wait. This offered peeks into her life based her newspaper columns.

[Ayelet Waldman]

I'm reading her to try to figure out this column-writing business,
both on a technical level, and on an emotional level. Maybe I'll learn
how to construct a column that will not result in me being burned at
the stake. Or maybe not.

[Jiyoung Park · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good to read before getting married or having children. I cant't even imagine about being a mother, but it helps me a bit what it would like to be as a working mom. Slight old fashioned since it's written 20 years ago.

[Ally · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really think I would read anything this woman wrote, anything. My neck gets sore when I read as I nod in rapid succession, agreeing with everything she says. I think she might be my best friend, but I bet I'm not the only woman who thinks that.

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably my 20th time reading this book, but the first on this side of having two kids, and Anna's essays continue to resonate. I'd love to see her go back and annotate a few of the pieces about her kids, to see what stands out about those experiences now, with 30 years distance.