I came across this novel as a 1990s re-print with a quaint drawing on the cover of a village cricket match. I’d never heard of the novel nor its author. So I was surprised to discover that it was one of the most popular books of its time (reprinted virtually every month following first publication in 1933).
My second surprise was that, despite the cosy picture on the cover of my copy, the novel wasn’t quite the nostalgia-fest I’d been expecting.
The story opens with a satiric reminiscence of the trenches towards the end of the First World War. Even worse than the “maelstrom of noise and mud and death” (p14) was the callous indifference and stupidity of those in charge. Not a class divide (the novel sardonically records, for example, the stupendously suicidal bravery of a Tatler-reading Colonel who takes on 58 German machine gunners with his walking stick). The bitter divide lies between the men of all ranks on the frontline and the johnnies from High Command, snug and safe back at HQ.
But just as in RC Sherriff’s “Journey’s End” (written five years earlier, which I’ve only just recently reviewed) it’s the intense companionship that makes dug-out life just about bearable - the dark humour and appreciation of the sheer absurdity of life that binds chums in the face of the slaughter and destruction.
And so out of the grim gallows humour of the trenches comes the premise of the novel: a Welshman commissioning a Scotsman to carry out a study of the Englishman …
This study involves the bewildered former artillery officer, Donald Cameron, reluctantly finding himself launched on a tour of the English Ruling Classes, to experience and record first-hand their strange characteristics and rituals.
Donald’s tour of posh England leads to a series of satirical and sometimes downright bizarre incidents including:
- The preparation for his first Country House weekend, involving 12 second-hand suitcases filled with stage props and rubbish that convinces fellow guests he’s a millionaire magnate.
- Being interviewed by a series of seriously eccentric Fleet Street editors including one whose “giant skull, dwarfing as it did the four-foot body, was itself dwarfed by a chin that was shaped […] like the front end of a torpedo boat photographed in a dry dock, like an instrument for bashing in the gates of medieval cities.” (p31/32)
- Lady Ormerode’s weekend house party with its ill-matched and idiosyncratic selection of the Great and Good from the Stage, Fleet Street, Westminster and the City.
- A rugby match at Twickenham played in the fog so that no one can keep track of the score.
- Going to the theatre to see a pretentious play involving “a powerful bit of the most modern sort of Symbolism in which a salt-digger’s mistress was confronted with a lot of the Thoughts which she would have thought if she had been, instead, a champion tricyclist.” (p178)
- The garrulous, bilingual engineer from Leeds with his ingenious machine “for pumping out a five-thousand-gallon sewer in eighty-five seconds, all by steam vacuum.” (p206)
- Politicians winning over voters with crowd-pleasing blandishments and (familiar sounding) empty promises: “Sir Henry rose, thanked the gentleman who had asked the question, and congratulated him, and stated that policy was to get the maximum number of houses built at the minimum cost in the shortest possible time.” (p198)
- An encounter with “grisly” Patience Ormerode who “was in no way disconcerted when, half-way through dinner, she deduced from a gleam of pale pink above her stocking that she had forgotten to put on any knickers.” (p82)
Donald’s study involves many mordantly humorous observations of English Ruling Class types whose foibles a century ago seem barely to have changed over the years:
- Saving the world rather than sorting out problems nearer home: “If an earthquake devastates North Borneo, they dash off […] to hand over money for earthquake-relief, but do you think they’ll lift a finger to abolish their own slums?” (p11)
- Doing as I say, not as I do, like the editor of the newspaper with “leanings towards a mild form of intellectual Socialism” who “despised money and made very lethargic and intermittent efforts to acquire any, nevertheless was heartily fond of many of the things which money can buy.” (p28)
- The privileged and well-connected wangling top jobs on international secretariats and commissions, like Mr Carteret-Pendragon, Mr Carshalton-Stanbury and Mr Woldingham-Uffington, “all three wearing Old Etonian ties.” (p156)
- Out of touch head-office types, like the opinionated Major-General who “had even, once or twice, visited front-line trenches, or at any rate got as far as battalion headquarters.” (p83)
- Grovelling to celebrities like the self-made tycoon who had “made an enormous fortune by a most ingenious dodge” and “was of course knighted for his public services” before being exposed for fraud and “shot himself to avoid an absolutely certain fourteen years.” (p129)
- Keeping up with the latest novels, however vacuous: “The new fashion was more shadowy and elusive and emasculate, like faded ladies or very modern poets.” (p184)
- Pandering to the superficial and the phoney, like the golf pro who adopts an infeasibly thick Scottish accent because “it’s good for trade. They like a Scot to be real Scottish. They think it makes a man what they call ‘a character.’ God knows why, but there it is. It makes the profits something extraordinary.” (p133)
- Virtue-signalling support for disarmament and appeasement in the face of bullying and aggression by clearly hostile and dangerous states.
In contrast to the Armageddon of the trenches in the opening pages, there are also passages of poignant lyricism:
- “The cricket field itself was a mass of daisies and buttercups and dandelions, tall grasses and purple vetches and thistle-down, and great clumps of dark-red sorrel, except, of course, for the oblong patch in the centre - mown, rolled, watered - a smooth, shining emerald of grass, the Pride of Fordenden, the Wicket.” (p101)
- The railway line out of Marylebone “runs through lovely, magical rural England. It goes to way-side halts where the only passengers are milk-churns. It visits lonely platforms where the only tickets are bought by geese and ducks. It stops in the middle of buttercup meadows to pick up eggs and flowers. It glides past the great pile of willow branches that are maturing to make England’s cricket-bats. It is a dreamer among railways, a poet, kindly and absurd and lovely.” (p221)
- “A magpie flapped lazily across the meadows. The parson shook hands with the squire. Doves cooed. The haze flickered. The world stood still.” (p103)
- Donald’s vision on the hillside outside Winchester, reimagining his dead war pals as medieval warriors transformed into poets - before vanishing away, leaving only “the muted voices of grazing sheep, and the merry click of bat upon ball, and the peaceful green fields of England, and the water-meads, and the bells of the Cathedral.” (p299)
This world of timeless, pastoral beauty seems curiously at odds with the darkness hinted at in the chapter set in peacekeeping Geneva, where inept diplomats turn a blind eye to the reality of aggressive tyrant states already scaling up armaments in defiance of grandly-named disarmament committees.
Indeed, with the easy benefit of hindsight its’s intriguing, and saddening, to see “England their England” in the wider context of disturbing world affairs. Just a few weeks before the novel was published, Hitler had been appointed Chancellor of Germany with an agenda, and consequences, that would transform forever the world that Macdonell captures here with his random, rambling mix of satire and affection.
Perhaps the last word on life, death and other metaphysical matters should go to Old Mr Darley (“ninety-eight come Martinmas”) down at the “Crooked Billet”: “I earn that I eat, get that I wear, owe no man hate, envy no man’s happiness, glad of other men’s good, content with my own harm; and the greatest of my pride is to see my ewes graze and my lambs suck. War! What good is war to us?”