What do you think?
Rate this book
Lay Me Down
A dream, surreal.
All the people I’ve know’d.
Every moment, gone – here then gone.
Spent so much of my life, complaining, what is there to complain about – wanting a different life – not leaning into this life, not living this life.
Live your destiny.
And this, too. This, too. This too.
Did I define my life, or did I default into it?
NOT IN CONTROL / NOT KNOWING
RELEASING CONTROL / RELEASING KNOWING
The HALL OF SOULS – maybe I did choose this life
Making a baby – RIDGE
wheezing
DESPERADOS
No hope, without hope
can’t be redeemed – nothing to lose
What are they going to do – sentence me to death?
Kill the president if I wanted.
Falling – nothing to hold onto, nothing onto which I could hold – just, a freefall.
The emptiness of thought.
Thoughts, here, then gone – just ideas – nothing compared to the reality of experience – something I’m watching – not me.
So I’m gonna die. I’m going to my death. Acceptance.
Being with others, not being alone.
It happened to everyone, this wasn’t just you; everyone would go through it.
Grieving and crying being a normal part of the process.
“I’m going to kill myself,” I read. “Kill myself. Blow my brains, no, do something else. Die spectacularly. Instead of chemotherapy. Better to burn out, then fade away.”
All the people I’ve know’d.
Every moment, gone – here then gone.
Spent so much of my life, complaining, what is there to complain about – wanting a different life – not leaning into this life, not living this life.
Live your destiny.
And this, too. This, too. This too.
Did I define my life, or did I default into it?
NOT IN CONTROL / NOT KNOWING
RELEASING CONTROL / RELEASING KNOWING
The HALL OF SOULS – maybe I did choose this life
Making a baby – RIDGE
wheezing
DESPERADOS
No hope, without hope
can’t be redeemed – nothing to lose
What are they going to do – sentence me to death?
Kill the president if I wanted.
Falling – nothing to hold onto, nothing onto which I could hold – just, a freefall.
The emptiness of thought.
Thoughts, here, then gone – just ideas – nothing compared to the reality of experience – something I’m watching – not me.
So I’m gonna die. I’m going to my death. Acceptance.
Being with others, not being alone.
It happened to everyone, this wasn’t just you; everyone would go through it.
Grieving and crying being a normal part of the process.
“I’m going to kill myself,” I read. “Kill myself. Blow my brains, no, do something else. Die spectacularly. Instead of chemotherapy. Better to burn out, then fade away.”
596 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 15, 2012
8 people want to read
About the author
T. Scott McLeod
25 books19 followersAN INTERVIEW WITH MYSELF
This interview first appeared in my head October 30th, 2009
How long have you been writing?
Who am I? How can I ask myself questions?
There are people who want to know, the audience.
I’ve been writing since sixth grade. I’m prolifically unpublished.
Why do you write?
I write because I want to know how it turns out. I write because it’s my answer to impermanence. I write because I don’t feel like I have a choice. I write because writing helps me know myself. I write because writing keeps me in touch with my humanity and the humanity of this world. I write because suffering is as beautiful and as natural to life as winter is to summer and spring is to fall. I write because writing helps me not to feel alone. I write so others will know that they are not alone. I write because it moves me. I write because writing is a gateway to my heart.
Nice. That was nice. Thanks.
You’re welcome.
What do you write about?
What gives life meaning? How can we live more fully and with more happiness?
That’s it?
I have found this to be pervasive, in myself and in others, that there’s this feeling of not being good enough, this feeling of inadequacy, of insufficiency, of deficiency, as if this moment isn’t enough, as if we’re not enough, as if we’re trying to get somewhere before we can rest and be happy. If only we could do this or if only we could get that, then we could rest and truly enjoy life. It’s as if we’re always putting it off, trying to get to some perfect destination. How can we live more fully and with more enjoyment right now? This is what interests me. I write about people realizing the ways in which they have been their own worst enemies, then realizing that they are also their own best friends. I write about the great abyss that all of us are standing before and how we look at it. I write about loss. Of course, what I’m writing about, is my own heart. The struggles, joys, difficulties, loves and hardships of my own heart.
Why are you putting your work here?
I’m not good at targeting the right market and then sending my writing to the right person. That doesn’t interest me. I just want to write. The business of writing, well, it’s a lot of business. I don’t want to be in business. I want to write. What wants to be written is what gets written. In publishing, there seems to be a lot of formula writing and guessing about what certain markets might want. Literary agents and publishers, they’re like junkies at the race-track, trying to figure out which horse is going to be the next winner. They want authors with established markets. They want people who are famous. They want books like other books that have already done well. I’m interested in being authentic. I’m not interested in being like somebody else. I just want to write. This is me. This is my writing. I have no idea what genre I would fit in. I don’t think literary agents (laughing) or publishing houses do either. Maybe if I sell a lot of books here, then they’ll be interested in publishing me. I’m not worried about it. If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. That’s not what it’s about for me. I enjoyed writing these stories. They entertained me and I hope they entertain others. They helped me learn about life, helped me come to terms with different aspects of life, and I hope they help others too. If others read these stories and enjoy them and learn some things along the way too, then that’s great. That’s all that matters.
What’s the next step for your writing?
I’d like to find an editor. Everything I’ve written is very raw. That’s good in its own way. It’s pure. It’s straight from my heart, but I’m very much not an editor. I’m a writer. To me they’re two very different jobs. I write and just let it all come out.
Are you working on any current projects?
Always. Until I’m dead.
This interview first appeared in my head October 30th, 2009
How long have you been writing?
Who am I? How can I ask myself questions?
There are people who want to know, the audience.
I’ve been writing since sixth grade. I’m prolifically unpublished.
Why do you write?
I write because I want to know how it turns out. I write because it’s my answer to impermanence. I write because I don’t feel like I have a choice. I write because writing helps me know myself. I write because writing keeps me in touch with my humanity and the humanity of this world. I write because suffering is as beautiful and as natural to life as winter is to summer and spring is to fall. I write because writing helps me not to feel alone. I write so others will know that they are not alone. I write because it moves me. I write because writing is a gateway to my heart.
Nice. That was nice. Thanks.
You’re welcome.
What do you write about?
What gives life meaning? How can we live more fully and with more happiness?
That’s it?
I have found this to be pervasive, in myself and in others, that there’s this feeling of not being good enough, this feeling of inadequacy, of insufficiency, of deficiency, as if this moment isn’t enough, as if we’re not enough, as if we’re trying to get somewhere before we can rest and be happy. If only we could do this or if only we could get that, then we could rest and truly enjoy life. It’s as if we’re always putting it off, trying to get to some perfect destination. How can we live more fully and with more enjoyment right now? This is what interests me. I write about people realizing the ways in which they have been their own worst enemies, then realizing that they are also their own best friends. I write about the great abyss that all of us are standing before and how we look at it. I write about loss. Of course, what I’m writing about, is my own heart. The struggles, joys, difficulties, loves and hardships of my own heart.
Why are you putting your work here?
I’m not good at targeting the right market and then sending my writing to the right person. That doesn’t interest me. I just want to write. The business of writing, well, it’s a lot of business. I don’t want to be in business. I want to write. What wants to be written is what gets written. In publishing, there seems to be a lot of formula writing and guessing about what certain markets might want. Literary agents and publishers, they’re like junkies at the race-track, trying to figure out which horse is going to be the next winner. They want authors with established markets. They want people who are famous. They want books like other books that have already done well. I’m interested in being authentic. I’m not interested in being like somebody else. I just want to write. This is me. This is my writing. I have no idea what genre I would fit in. I don’t think literary agents (laughing) or publishing houses do either. Maybe if I sell a lot of books here, then they’ll be interested in publishing me. I’m not worried about it. If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. That’s not what it’s about for me. I enjoyed writing these stories. They entertained me and I hope they entertain others. They helped me learn about life, helped me come to terms with different aspects of life, and I hope they help others too. If others read these stories and enjoy them and learn some things along the way too, then that’s great. That’s all that matters.
What’s the next step for your writing?
I’d like to find an editor. Everything I’ve written is very raw. That’s good in its own way. It’s pure. It’s straight from my heart, but I’m very much not an editor. I’m a writer. To me they’re two very different jobs. I write and just let it all come out.
Are you working on any current projects?
Always. Until I’m dead.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 of 1 review
January 27, 2013
Love the title, a great take on that old nursery rhyme: now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take. A book about a guy who finds out he's got cancer, and his days are numbered. It hits him hard and sends him on a spiraling journey which is both fascinating and horrendous, somewhat like watching an accident in slow motion, at times horrible and terrifying, and yet still utterly captivating. Like I couldn't take my eyes off of it. The experiences he has. The way his perspectives shift. The way it all ends for him. Needless to say, I can't say anymore without blowing some of it. This book is a titan of a book. Read it. You will enjoy it.
Displaying 1 of 1 review