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Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime
A NATIONAL BESTSELLER
Create a lasting and loving attachment with the help of the expert couple’s therapist behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship.
What does a healthy relationship look like?
A good question, in theory, but expert couple’s therapist Julie Menanno wants you to what does a securely attached relationship feel like?
The answer to this question is the ultimate goal in Secure Love, a groundbreaking guide to understanding secure attachment in adult relationships. While attachment theory has grown in popularity to explain the relationship between children and their caregivers, it’s also the closest science has come to making sense of our adult romantic connections.
Julie Menanno is the couple’s therapist behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship, whose valuable relationship advice from her expertise gained her over a million fans. In Secure Love, Menanno
- Why you and your partner have the same fight over and over ( it’s called a negative cycle, and underlying every fight, argument, silent treatment, or passive-aggressive comment is an unmet attachment need).
- The four attachment types, with exercises designed to help you understand you and your partner’s attachment style.
- How to improve communication, including staying connected during conflict by prioritizing vulnerability rather than protecting yourself.
- “Instead of that, say this” suggested scripts of how to approach difficult situations in your relationship.
- Why insecure attachment negatively impacts a couple’s sex life and how to restore that sexual connection.
Secure Love is a crash course in understanding how you show up in a relationship and how to get out of negative cycles. Menanno teaches you how to establish a secure attachment with your partner to create the bond you’ve been longing for.
Create a lasting and loving attachment with the help of the expert couple’s therapist behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship.
What does a healthy relationship look like?
A good question, in theory, but expert couple’s therapist Julie Menanno wants you to what does a securely attached relationship feel like?
The answer to this question is the ultimate goal in Secure Love, a groundbreaking guide to understanding secure attachment in adult relationships. While attachment theory has grown in popularity to explain the relationship between children and their caregivers, it’s also the closest science has come to making sense of our adult romantic connections.
Julie Menanno is the couple’s therapist behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship, whose valuable relationship advice from her expertise gained her over a million fans. In Secure Love, Menanno
- Why you and your partner have the same fight over and over ( it’s called a negative cycle, and underlying every fight, argument, silent treatment, or passive-aggressive comment is an unmet attachment need).
- The four attachment types, with exercises designed to help you understand you and your partner’s attachment style.
- How to improve communication, including staying connected during conflict by prioritizing vulnerability rather than protecting yourself.
- “Instead of that, say this” suggested scripts of how to approach difficult situations in your relationship.
- Why insecure attachment negatively impacts a couple’s sex life and how to restore that sexual connection.
Secure Love is a crash course in understanding how you show up in a relationship and how to get out of negative cycles. Menanno teaches you how to establish a secure attachment with your partner to create the bond you’ve been longing for.
332 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 30, 2024
1965 people are currently reading
11598 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 307 reviews
February 4, 2024
It may seem to be more for couples but it is really also for self love self growth.
January 25, 2024
Wow wow wow! This book is worth thousands of dollars in couples therapy.
I’ve been a loyal follower of the authors Instagram @TheSecureRelationship and always enjoyed the simple graphics with tips on how to communicate or respond to common relationship struggles.
The author did a fantastic job of describing the different attachment styles and giving examples for you as the reader to determine which attachment style you most likely fall into. Knowing your attachment style will help you realize why you respond the way you do and how you can better communicate to get your needs met.
The author doesn’t just tell you what to do, she SHOWS you with an entire chapter dedicated to scripts with “instead of this”, “do this”.
If you want to better understand how childhood upbringing affects your adult relationships and how to have a, not perfect, but better relationship, this read is definitely worth it.
I’ve been a loyal follower of the authors Instagram @TheSecureRelationship and always enjoyed the simple graphics with tips on how to communicate or respond to common relationship struggles.
The author did a fantastic job of describing the different attachment styles and giving examples for you as the reader to determine which attachment style you most likely fall into. Knowing your attachment style will help you realize why you respond the way you do and how you can better communicate to get your needs met.
The author doesn’t just tell you what to do, she SHOWS you with an entire chapter dedicated to scripts with “instead of this”, “do this”.
If you want to better understand how childhood upbringing affects your adult relationships and how to have a, not perfect, but better relationship, this read is definitely worth it.
February 10, 2024
Go be imperfect🩷🩷
November 16, 2024
I came across this book when someone on Instagram strongly recommended it and mentioned, "I don't want what happened to me to happen to anyone else." He also said something like, "Unresolved childhood trauma can cause big problems in a relationship." He's recently divorced.
Just those words alone helped me realize the problem my husband and I were having at the time might be linked to my childhood trauma. Those words alone helped me look at our situation differently. They helped me understand myself and helped me explain myself to my husband. Ultimately, those words helped us resolve our problem at the time. So of course, I wanted to read this book.
It has so many good ideas. A lot of the book talks about the difference between "anxious attachment," "avoidant attachment," and "secure attachment." These sorts of attachment types seem to develop during childhood. The ideal, of course, is for both people in a couple to have "secure attachment."
The bulk of the book seems to be about how to deal with each kind of attachment type, how to overcome conflicts within existing types, and not necessarily how to develop the ideal type. It looks at all kinds of couples and situations. It gives very specific suggestions on what to say, what not to say, and how to approach "negative cycles" with all different kinds of dynamics. It's practical that way.
It's also exhausting. It was so hard for me to read about all the possible ways a relationship could go wrong and why. It brought back memories of past challenges my husband and I have thankfully resolved. It reminds me of all the growth that has happened throughout our 35+ years of marriage. We have worked through so many things without the help of this type of book and its knowledge. Some resolutions have come about just because we are committed to each other and have both kept trying. I am proud of us.
Unfortunately, I can't recommend this book because to me it's just too much. Maybe I read it too fast. Maybe reading it on my own was less helpful than if we'd read it together. At the same time, all the negative examples give off a low-vibe energy. It's sad to read about all that goes wrong in relationships. It's scary and sad to think about the negative effects childhood relationships can have on marriages and throughout adult life. Blah.
I guess at this point in our marriage, I'd prefer to read a book on how to nurture relationships after resolving traumas and conflicts. I'd like to know more about how to develop or enhance that "secure attachment." This book's focus is on what to do in the midst of the problems.
I can see how the Instagram man who suggested it would feel strongly about how it could have saved his marriage. Maybe in that way it was validating to him and is helping him blame less and process more. Maybe it will help him in his next romantic relationship if he has one.
I'm so glad despite our challenges, and the ups and downs over the years, my husband and I have stuck it out. I'm glad that our relationship continues to improve.
I could have written down several quotes, but felt too overwhelmed during most of my reading experience. I did note this one though, from page 241.
"When you are tempted to pressure or control your partner in order to enact change, consider this instead: be the change you want to see. If you want understanding, understand. If you want curiosity, be curious. If you want change, change. If you want to be heard, listen. If you want your partner to change, notice the times when they do. In other words, reflect what you want to grow."
Also, I like her final words on page 284 before the long Appendix: "So...go be imperfect."
Just those words alone helped me realize the problem my husband and I were having at the time might be linked to my childhood trauma. Those words alone helped me look at our situation differently. They helped me understand myself and helped me explain myself to my husband. Ultimately, those words helped us resolve our problem at the time. So of course, I wanted to read this book.
It has so many good ideas. A lot of the book talks about the difference between "anxious attachment," "avoidant attachment," and "secure attachment." These sorts of attachment types seem to develop during childhood. The ideal, of course, is for both people in a couple to have "secure attachment."
The bulk of the book seems to be about how to deal with each kind of attachment type, how to overcome conflicts within existing types, and not necessarily how to develop the ideal type. It looks at all kinds of couples and situations. It gives very specific suggestions on what to say, what not to say, and how to approach "negative cycles" with all different kinds of dynamics. It's practical that way.
It's also exhausting. It was so hard for me to read about all the possible ways a relationship could go wrong and why. It brought back memories of past challenges my husband and I have thankfully resolved. It reminds me of all the growth that has happened throughout our 35+ years of marriage. We have worked through so many things without the help of this type of book and its knowledge. Some resolutions have come about just because we are committed to each other and have both kept trying. I am proud of us.
Unfortunately, I can't recommend this book because to me it's just too much. Maybe I read it too fast. Maybe reading it on my own was less helpful than if we'd read it together. At the same time, all the negative examples give off a low-vibe energy. It's sad to read about all that goes wrong in relationships. It's scary and sad to think about the negative effects childhood relationships can have on marriages and throughout adult life. Blah.
I guess at this point in our marriage, I'd prefer to read a book on how to nurture relationships after resolving traumas and conflicts. I'd like to know more about how to develop or enhance that "secure attachment." This book's focus is on what to do in the midst of the problems.
I can see how the Instagram man who suggested it would feel strongly about how it could have saved his marriage. Maybe in that way it was validating to him and is helping him blame less and process more. Maybe it will help him in his next romantic relationship if he has one.
I'm so glad despite our challenges, and the ups and downs over the years, my husband and I have stuck it out. I'm glad that our relationship continues to improve.
I could have written down several quotes, but felt too overwhelmed during most of my reading experience. I did note this one though, from page 241.
"When you are tempted to pressure or control your partner in order to enact change, consider this instead: be the change you want to see. If you want understanding, understand. If you want curiosity, be curious. If you want change, change. If you want to be heard, listen. If you want your partner to change, notice the times when they do. In other words, reflect what you want to grow."
Also, I like her final words on page 284 before the long Appendix: "So...go be imperfect."
December 4, 2023
"Secure Love" by Julie Menanno, a book recommended by readers on NetGalley, delves into the intriguing realm of attachment styles, gaining prominence in the United States over the last five years. While the concept itself is not new, the author, a marriage therapist, takes a thorough approach to exploring and improving romantic relationships.
The book begins by following Bea, undergoing a divorce and inheriting her aunt's home, only to face unexpected challenges with her ex-husband. As she crosses paths with Luke, a repairman, a spark of attraction emerges, yet Bea finds herself hesitant to pursue a new connection.
Navigating through twists and turns, including a wedding, the narrative provides valuable insights into attachment styles. Beyond the secure type, the author explores insecure attachment styles, offering practical scripts for effectively dealing with individuals carrying early developmental attachment wounds into adulthood.
The author's gentle approach emphasizes treating everyone with dignity, fostering a profound understanding that extends beyond labels. While not specifically seeking marriage counseling, the reader finds the book remarkably helpful in cultivating empathy and enhancing relationship dynamics.
The wisdom shared resonates with the importance of expressing messages in a way that conveys, "you matter to me." Addressing the inevitability of differences in long-term relationships, the book advocates for validating a partner's perspective with empathy, always prioritizing the health of the relationship.
An interesting observation posited by the author is that most couple arguments often boil down to the same underlying reason, irrespective of the specific topic.
Comparatively, another book titled "It's Not Your Fault" is mentioned for its concise explanation of attachment theory. Authored by someone who worked on overcoming attachment wounds to attain a secure attachment style, it provides hope for those willing to put in the effort.
In conclusion, "Secure Love" is recommended for anyone seeking a deeper understanding of attachment theory and looking to improve their relationships. The author's empathetic and insightful guidance, coupled with a wealth of information, makes it a valuable resource for both individuals and couples. The book's accessible nature and serendipitous discovery make it a highly recommended read, earning it a well-deserved five-star rating.
The book begins by following Bea, undergoing a divorce and inheriting her aunt's home, only to face unexpected challenges with her ex-husband. As she crosses paths with Luke, a repairman, a spark of attraction emerges, yet Bea finds herself hesitant to pursue a new connection.
Navigating through twists and turns, including a wedding, the narrative provides valuable insights into attachment styles. Beyond the secure type, the author explores insecure attachment styles, offering practical scripts for effectively dealing with individuals carrying early developmental attachment wounds into adulthood.
The author's gentle approach emphasizes treating everyone with dignity, fostering a profound understanding that extends beyond labels. While not specifically seeking marriage counseling, the reader finds the book remarkably helpful in cultivating empathy and enhancing relationship dynamics.
The wisdom shared resonates with the importance of expressing messages in a way that conveys, "you matter to me." Addressing the inevitability of differences in long-term relationships, the book advocates for validating a partner's perspective with empathy, always prioritizing the health of the relationship.
An interesting observation posited by the author is that most couple arguments often boil down to the same underlying reason, irrespective of the specific topic.
Comparatively, another book titled "It's Not Your Fault" is mentioned for its concise explanation of attachment theory. Authored by someone who worked on overcoming attachment wounds to attain a secure attachment style, it provides hope for those willing to put in the effort.
In conclusion, "Secure Love" is recommended for anyone seeking a deeper understanding of attachment theory and looking to improve their relationships. The author's empathetic and insightful guidance, coupled with a wealth of information, makes it a valuable resource for both individuals and couples. The book's accessible nature and serendipitous discovery make it a highly recommended read, earning it a well-deserved five-star rating.
June 7, 2024
My girlfriend recommended I read this and it was actually excellent! Perhaps it helps that I'm textbook avoidant and she's textbook anxious attachment and thus much of this book felt relatable to our disagreements. I do feel like I gleaned many useful pieces of advice out of this, both for myself on a personal level and also for romantic relationships.
Definitely recommend for those struggling with conflict in relationships.
Definitely recommend for those struggling with conflict in relationships.
February 17, 2024
I love that all of Sue Johnson's "disciples" are writing books now! When you read the section on disorganized attachment - she's describing borderline and narcissistic personalities. Notice, however, that when you read it, you're coming at it from a place of compassion. Like "Oh! This person never learned..." "Oh! As a child, this person had no good options..." "Oh! There is a context in which this behavior made sense..." I overheard a co-worker going through a break-up recently saying how his ex "needs help". Meanwhile, he was crying as he said it because I'm sure on some level, he was aware of his own contribution to the dysfunction. Stan Tatkin says "where one partner goes, the other follows", meaning most people who get together, on a deeper level, have similar levels of distrust. It's also been researched that these behaviors usually don't show up until 1 or 2 years into the relationship when we begin to "automate". My point is that it's sad. It's sad that we have these deficiencies in our ability to connect. It's sad that our culture very much reinforces it. These approaches are all about "mindfulness" and "compassion". If I can see that "oops I'm doing it again" and "oops my partner is doing it again", we can have compassion for self and other. We're all after the same thing, we just have very different ideas about how to get it - and of course as human nature likes to make things complicated - we also have the ability to polarize each other as we push in different directions. Healthy marriages lead to healthy children. Stan Tatkin also says (in relation to family systems theory) that the parents are the CEO's of the family. Take this book seriously and create a safe haven and secure base with your partner. You will need it when times get tough with your children. Not only will this security make you more available to your children, it will model secure relating for them. After all we are all monkeys watching and learning from each other - especially when we're little and have little brains. Thank you for your work and dedication to the hardest job in the world, Julie! Sitting "between" two angry adults who are showing up as the hurt children they once were. Brave doesn't say enough.
April 15, 2024
The title is a lil cringe but I wish I'd read this book 15 years ago
October 17, 2025
I damn near highlighted the whole book. I could tell this was going to be a 5 ⭐ read just by how much I learned in the intro.
+The hunger analogy-feeling hungry vs knowing you're hungry (aka the “felt experience”) seemed so simple yet it connected the dots in a new way for me. I find attachment theory compelling because its been personally helpful. The author did well in explaining the four attachment styles in detail, esp disorganized attachment which other authors tend to quickly bypass.
+She gives solid advice on how to approach tough conversations with your partner without sounding like a prosecutor. Some of the prompts sounded scripted — but they were helpful in rethinking how to deliver feedback without potentially starting a world war.
I could go on, but then this review would turn into a whole essay. I’d recommend this book to anyone tired of emotional chaos and looking to improve their relationship game.
+The hunger analogy-feeling hungry vs knowing you're hungry (aka the “felt experience”) seemed so simple yet it connected the dots in a new way for me. I find attachment theory compelling because its been personally helpful. The author did well in explaining the four attachment styles in detail, esp disorganized attachment which other authors tend to quickly bypass.
+She gives solid advice on how to approach tough conversations with your partner without sounding like a prosecutor. Some of the prompts sounded scripted — but they were helpful in rethinking how to deliver feedback without potentially starting a world war.
I could go on, but then this review would turn into a whole essay. I’d recommend this book to anyone tired of emotional chaos and looking to improve their relationship game.
August 6, 2024
“Oh how I wish I had read this book before.” - me while reading this book
This is a book that definitely can help couples but also you as an individual. No matter if you are single, in a relationship, no longer in one or if you never have been in one, I feel like this book can benefit you. It talks about attachment styles, what unhealthy and healthy communication can look like and provides both a big push to do better and a lot of compassion for how hard it can be. It wasn’t always easy listening and realizing your own personal patterns, but it was so rewarding.
This is a book that definitely can help couples but also you as an individual. No matter if you are single, in a relationship, no longer in one or if you never have been in one, I feel like this book can benefit you. It talks about attachment styles, what unhealthy and healthy communication can look like and provides both a big push to do better and a lot of compassion for how hard it can be. It wasn’t always easy listening and realizing your own personal patterns, but it was so rewarding.
April 4, 2025
I recommend taking your time with this one. I learned a lot about myself and others I've been/am in a relationship with, romantic or otherwise. This was really enlightening, empathetic, and practical.
October 2, 2025
As suggested by my therapist! Truly helped me understand myself so much better. This was so informative and I feel like will be one I keep going back to for conflict resolution and getting out of negative communication cycles!
February 8, 2024
Perfectly written! For any readers struggling with insecure attachment, Julie has created a straight forward roadmap to healing. I’ve learned invaluable tools on becoming more securely attached. Thank you, Julie!
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March 11, 2024Life is too short to read something you're not enjoying.
This book might be really helpful to someone who works as a counselor, but for a regular, not super smart person like myself, I struggled to understand the information.
This book might be really helpful to someone who works as a counselor, but for a regular, not super smart person like myself, I struggled to understand the information.
March 15, 2024
Not my usual genre, this book offers smart ideas about managing relationships and avoiding those negative cycles of disconnect and arguments. I like it!
December 17, 2025
An insightful read that provides a well-constructed navigation of the different attachment styles and how one can implement pragmatic approaches to building emotionally secure romantic relationships across time. It’s excellent at reframing the way meaning is communicated and how to rephrase language within relationships to navigate growth and complexity within different relationships. At the core of the book is the premise that relationship conflict is less about incompatibility and more about unmet attachment needs. She reframes common patterns of pursuit, withdrawal, defensiveness, and shutdown as understandable survival strategies shaped by early relational experiences. Encouraging us to move away from blame and toward deep curiosity, empathy for the other, and shared responsibility and accountability within communication and actions. A thoughtful book with clear strategies that will make you consider emotional safety, resilience and intimacy.
August 27, 2025
What made this a super useful read for me, and what makes me want to share it with my partner, is all of the practical exercises and starting scripts. It’s hard when you’re not trained in recognizing let alone expressing your emotions to share them in a way that doesn’t feel like it’s going to alienate another person. Having some go-to structures to fall back on seems like it would be really helpful in the future.
I’ve read my fair share of books on attachment theory, so there were parts of this, especially at the beginning, that really put me to sleep. But it seems like it would be a good primer for the uninitiated.
I’ve read my fair share of books on attachment theory, so there were parts of this, especially at the beginning, that really put me to sleep. But it seems like it would be a good primer for the uninitiated.
November 12, 2024
4.5/5⭐️ Whether you’re in a relationship or you’re single, there’s excellent, actionable advice in here about how to talk and work through problems with your loved ones in a more loving way than “I love you, now change!” As the daughter of an English teacher, I usually balk at marking up books, but I found myself starring/check-marking/circling so much information as I went along.
On another personal note, I’m soaking up all this information like a sponge because I want to show up better for my next partner, whoever/wherever they might be. And I’m sure af raising standards in terms of how the next person shows up for me and communicates with me too!
On another personal note, I’m soaking up all this information like a sponge because I want to show up better for my next partner, whoever/wherever they might be. And I’m sure af raising standards in terms of how the next person shows up for me and communicates with me too!
March 31, 2025
I wish I read this so long ago. I feel like my eyes and emotions have been opened, to myself and to others, through the attachment lens. If you’re finding it difficult to connect with a partner but can’t quite grasp what the disconnection is, read this!
August 17, 2025
4.5 ⭐️ rating is definitely inflated IMO. Solid? Sure. There are some good concepts, and I took notes on stuff that can apply to my relationship, but I don’t think there’s anything earth shattering here.
October 19, 2025
great pre-wedding buddy read w Lukas! this was therapist recommended and so good to read together a chapter a week and discuss. loved the actionable chapters and new tradition this built for us 🥰
November 24, 2024
While the title of the book suggests it focuses on cultivating secure love in romantic relationships, its foundation lies in creating a secure love within yourself. This book is a true gem—practical, transformative, and filled with exercises that guide meaningful change. I found it so powerful that I took my time savoring each page, absorbing its wisdom slowly and deliberately.
As the author emphasizes, reading this book leaves you changed. You gain a deep understanding of attachment styles and how they manifest in your relationships, communication, and conflict patterns. The awareness it brings to moments of anxiety, invalidation, avoidance, or aggression is profound. While change requires commitment and patience, this book equips you with the tools to start that journey.
I highly recommend it to anyone seeking personal growth and healthier connections. Whether or not you choose to embrace change, this book will illuminate the role of attachment in your life in a way you cannot unsee. A must-read for anyone striving to be their best self.
June 20, 2024
Really great book for couples, basically couples therapy. The chapter on understanding how you conflict and the negative cycle is helpful.
Takeaways
- Your partner is not your enemy. The negative cycle and communication patterns are the enemy
- It’s important to try to recognize your triggers and your partner’s triggers so you are able to manage them without getting pulled into a negative cycle
- Understanding, empathy, & vulnerability are the hallmarks of an attachment-friendly environment
- Underlying every fight, argument, silent treatment, and passive-aggressive comment is an unmet attachment need
- Listening is a way to love
- You will never regret taking an extra moment to choose connection
- At least 80% of the time you should be consciously aware of positive feelings about your partner and the relationship
- Anger needs to be heard and validated but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate bad behavior
Takeaways
- Your partner is not your enemy. The negative cycle and communication patterns are the enemy
- It’s important to try to recognize your triggers and your partner’s triggers so you are able to manage them without getting pulled into a negative cycle
- Understanding, empathy, & vulnerability are the hallmarks of an attachment-friendly environment
- Underlying every fight, argument, silent treatment, and passive-aggressive comment is an unmet attachment need
- Listening is a way to love
- You will never regret taking an extra moment to choose connection
- At least 80% of the time you should be consciously aware of positive feelings about your partner and the relationship
- Anger needs to be heard and validated but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate bad behavior
November 7, 2024
I listened to this in September and I don’t remember any of the lessons from it sooooo not great??
2.5 stars
2.5 stars
January 23, 2025
Dit boek lag al te lang te wachten om te gaan lezen, en dat terwijl ik ontzettend goede en hoge verwachtingen heb van dit boek. Het lijkt me een leerzaam en inspirerend boek en ik hoop op mooie inzichten en eye-openers. Zeker nu ik sinds kort een enorm fijne relatie heb, wil ik er alles aan doen om deze optimaal en goed te houden.
Iedereen verlangt toch naar een liefdevolle en stabiele relatie waarbij je je veilig en geborgen voelt? Alle mensen hebben de behoefte aan een diepe, intieme en veilige romantische hechting, maar weten veelal niet hoe ze dit voor elkaar moeten krijgen. Dit boek geeft je hierop alle antwoorden die je zoekt. Julie laat zien hoe je door vroegere trauma's op een bepaalde manier opstelt in relaties en het dagelijks leven. Door middel van theorie en oefeningen helpt Julie je om blijvende veranderingen in je relatie en je leven te kunnen doorvoeren. Ze biedt je alle handvatten voor een veilige en langdurige relatie. Hierdoor weet je niet alleen dat je in een veilige relatie zit, maar voel je je ook veilig.
Wat me direct opvalt aan dit boek, is dat het erg toegankelijk, helder en vlot is geschreven. Hierdoor leest het boek erg gemakkelijk en neem je de kennis, inzichten en handvatten die Julie Menanno biedt, gemakkelijk tot je.
Na een motiverende en inspirerende inleiding weet Julie Menanno je enthousiast te maken om je hechtingsstijlen te onderzoeken en aan de slag te gaan. Het boek is opgedeeld in verschillende delen, waarmee Julie Menanno je stapsgewijs mee neemt door het proces van de hechtingsstijlen en de gewenste verandering. Haar verhaal is een combinatie van wetenschappelijke kennis, die helder en concreet verwoord is, mooie en verhelderende praktijkvoorbeelden en veel handvatten, tips en mooie voorbeelden hoe je iets op een andere wijze zou kunnen verwoorden tegenover een ander.
In het eerste deel focust Julie Menanno op je hechtingsbehoeften, in dit deel krijg je echt een spiegel op je gericht en doe je de nodige zelfkennis en zelfinzicht op. Welke behoeften zoek ik bij een ander? Waarom hanteer ik deze hechtingsstijl? In het tweede deel focust Julie Menanno zich op het botsen van de twee hechtingsstijlen en hoe je deze weer kan herstellen. Doordat je in het eerste deel hebt geleerd wat je zelf nodig hebt, merk ik dat de inzichten die Julie Menanno in het tweede deel aanreikt, beter kan plaatsen en ik zie dat ik aan mijn partner op deze wijze kan aangeven wat ik nodig heb en hem kan bieden wat hij nodig heeft. In het derde en laatste deel deelt Julie Menanno veel situaties uit het echte leven. Ze komt met heldere en duidelijke praktijkvoorbeelden en reikt heel concrete en heldere oplossingen voor iedere situatie.
Veilig in de liefde is een toegankelijk, helder en motiverend boek, waarin Julie Menanno je alles uitlegt over het herkennen van je hechtingsstijl(en) en je behoeften. Met wetenschappelijke kennis, mooie praktijkvoorbeelden en veel tips, trucs en handvatten leert Julie Menanno je om blijvende veranderingen door te voeren waardoor je betere en hechtere relaties kan ontwikkelen. Erg inspirerend.
Iedereen verlangt toch naar een liefdevolle en stabiele relatie waarbij je je veilig en geborgen voelt? Alle mensen hebben de behoefte aan een diepe, intieme en veilige romantische hechting, maar weten veelal niet hoe ze dit voor elkaar moeten krijgen. Dit boek geeft je hierop alle antwoorden die je zoekt. Julie laat zien hoe je door vroegere trauma's op een bepaalde manier opstelt in relaties en het dagelijks leven. Door middel van theorie en oefeningen helpt Julie je om blijvende veranderingen in je relatie en je leven te kunnen doorvoeren. Ze biedt je alle handvatten voor een veilige en langdurige relatie. Hierdoor weet je niet alleen dat je in een veilige relatie zit, maar voel je je ook veilig.
Wat me direct opvalt aan dit boek, is dat het erg toegankelijk, helder en vlot is geschreven. Hierdoor leest het boek erg gemakkelijk en neem je de kennis, inzichten en handvatten die Julie Menanno biedt, gemakkelijk tot je.
Na een motiverende en inspirerende inleiding weet Julie Menanno je enthousiast te maken om je hechtingsstijlen te onderzoeken en aan de slag te gaan. Het boek is opgedeeld in verschillende delen, waarmee Julie Menanno je stapsgewijs mee neemt door het proces van de hechtingsstijlen en de gewenste verandering. Haar verhaal is een combinatie van wetenschappelijke kennis, die helder en concreet verwoord is, mooie en verhelderende praktijkvoorbeelden en veel handvatten, tips en mooie voorbeelden hoe je iets op een andere wijze zou kunnen verwoorden tegenover een ander.
In het eerste deel focust Julie Menanno op je hechtingsbehoeften, in dit deel krijg je echt een spiegel op je gericht en doe je de nodige zelfkennis en zelfinzicht op. Welke behoeften zoek ik bij een ander? Waarom hanteer ik deze hechtingsstijl? In het tweede deel focust Julie Menanno zich op het botsen van de twee hechtingsstijlen en hoe je deze weer kan herstellen. Doordat je in het eerste deel hebt geleerd wat je zelf nodig hebt, merk ik dat de inzichten die Julie Menanno in het tweede deel aanreikt, beter kan plaatsen en ik zie dat ik aan mijn partner op deze wijze kan aangeven wat ik nodig heb en hem kan bieden wat hij nodig heeft. In het derde en laatste deel deelt Julie Menanno veel situaties uit het echte leven. Ze komt met heldere en duidelijke praktijkvoorbeelden en reikt heel concrete en heldere oplossingen voor iedere situatie.
Veilig in de liefde is een toegankelijk, helder en motiverend boek, waarin Julie Menanno je alles uitlegt over het herkennen van je hechtingsstijl(en) en je behoeften. Met wetenschappelijke kennis, mooie praktijkvoorbeelden en veel tips, trucs en handvatten leert Julie Menanno je om blijvende veranderingen door te voeren waardoor je betere en hechtere relaties kan ontwikkelen. Erg inspirerend.
August 3, 2024
This is a powerful and very approachable book. The idea driving the center of it: that many of our defensive behaviors, or lapses in communication + connection with others (particularly a partner) are driven by our attachment system is really compelling and a useful framing. The author’s metaphor of promoting an attachment friendly overall “climate” in a relationship is a great tool. I find this framework heartening, both as a way to gauge what are fixable/workable skills in a relationship vs incompatibility, and also as a way of understanding myself more. The advice the author gives throughout the book on approaching conflict—understanding where it comes from, stabilizing, and how to engage with it in a healthy way—is extremely valuable. Whether you’re reading this book “alone” or in the context of a partnership, it’s well worth the time and reflection, and will certainly help make readers better and more resilient communicators.
March 31, 2025
Absolutely loved this book, anyone and everyone should read it! This book would be helpful for therapists and couples alike. Julie gives a fantastic description of attachment theory and how it relates to relationships. She gives not just insight and knowledge, but actionable steps, skills, and even sample scripts of how to talk to your partner in challenging conversations. The book is written in a way that’s digestible and easy to understand as well as engaging and practical. I love the examples of real couples she’s worked with sprinkled in and her genuine/real writing style. As a clinician, this is probably my favorite book on couples work that I’ve read and definitely think it would be helpful for many of my clients! Highly highly recommend!! 5/5 stars!
May 10, 2025
there are books you say you’ll read again and never do, then there are books you’ll definitely read again and actually do; this is one of those books. wow.
this isn’t just for couples; whether you’re single, dating, looking for love, are in love, never had love but want to find it, this book can benefit you. the author does a fantastic job outlining attachment styles, healthy vs unhealthy ways of communication, and compassion through the lens of healthy attachment. the author spends time showing you the difference instead of just explaining it. i think most people can relate to examples that are laid out in this book, as i related to them. i came out of this book with a completely different understanding. a recommended read on my list.
this isn’t just for couples; whether you’re single, dating, looking for love, are in love, never had love but want to find it, this book can benefit you. the author does a fantastic job outlining attachment styles, healthy vs unhealthy ways of communication, and compassion through the lens of healthy attachment. the author spends time showing you the difference instead of just explaining it. i think most people can relate to examples that are laid out in this book, as i related to them. i came out of this book with a completely different understanding. a recommended read on my list.
November 25, 2025
Not a Christian book, so have to take that into account. It is definitely missing some elements of dependence on Christ and such, but I was surprised with the amount of hope it emphasizes. It really hit home on some of the attachment issues and even some of the examples felt like they came scripted out of my own relationship. The audiobook was excellent, though I wish I had a physical copy to highlight, especially the ending where they say “instead of saying THAT, say THIS instead”. It was also interesting to read this alongside premarital counseling and the caution to not idolize understanding or “feeling heard” too much.
Anyways, I enjoyed this book. I found it helpful in naming some of the issues/conflict I’ve been having. Would recommend.
Anyways, I enjoyed this book. I found it helpful in naming some of the issues/conflict I’ve been having. Would recommend.
August 26, 2025
I really enjoyed this book! You can tell that the author took the time to think of and write relatable examples for everything lol I definitely wish I read this years before. I’ll probably read it again in the future and recommend it to others. I really like that throughout the book it emphasizes the importance of also self-reflecting and how relationships require 2 people to actively work on them. I feel that in relationship books, it often emphasizes what the partner can do or should do to make you happier, but this book realistically states that, hey maybe there’s somethings you should work on too to ensure both people feel safe and loved, it’s not all about just one person lol
Also, I think if you’re knowledgeable in what the book is about, the book might not be as interesting or deep, but I was looking at it as what most people can get out of it and it’s a good reference book :)
Also, I think if you’re knowledgeable in what the book is about, the book might not be as interesting or deep, but I was looking at it as what most people can get out of it and it’s a good reference book :)
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