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The New Soft War on Women: How the Myth of Female Ascendance Is Hurting Women, Men and Our Economy
For the first time in history, women make up half the educated labor force and are earning the majority of advanced degrees. It should be the best time ever for women, and yet... it’s not. Storm clouds are gathering, and the worst thing is that most women don’t have a clue what could be coming. In large part this is because the message they’re being fed is that they now have it made. But do they?
In The New Soft War on Women, respected experts on gender issues and the psychology of women Caryl Rivers and Rosalind C. Barnett argue that an insidious war of subtle biases and barriers is being waged that continues to marginalize women. Although women have made huge strides in recent years, these gains have not translated into money and influence. Consider the following:
- Women with MBAs earn, on average, $4,600 less than their male counterparts in their first job out of business school.
- Female physicians earn, on average, 39 percent less than male physicians.
- Female financial analysts take in 35 percent less, and female chief executives one quarter less than men in similar positions.
In this eye-opening book, Rivers and Barnett offer women the real facts as well as tools for combating the “soft war” tactics that prevent them from advancing in their careers. With women now central to the economy, determining to a large degree whether it thrives or stagnates, this is one war no one can afford for them to lose.
In The New Soft War on Women, respected experts on gender issues and the psychology of women Caryl Rivers and Rosalind C. Barnett argue that an insidious war of subtle biases and barriers is being waged that continues to marginalize women. Although women have made huge strides in recent years, these gains have not translated into money and influence. Consider the following:
- Women with MBAs earn, on average, $4,600 less than their male counterparts in their first job out of business school.
- Female physicians earn, on average, 39 percent less than male physicians.
- Female financial analysts take in 35 percent less, and female chief executives one quarter less than men in similar positions.
In this eye-opening book, Rivers and Barnett offer women the real facts as well as tools for combating the “soft war” tactics that prevent them from advancing in their careers. With women now central to the economy, determining to a large degree whether it thrives or stagnates, this is one war no one can afford for them to lose.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published October 17, 2013
8 people are currently reading
793 people want to read
About the author
Caryl Rivers
26 books20 followersCaryl Rivers has been called “one of the brightest voices in contemporary fiction.” Her novel VIRGINS was an international critical success, published in the US, UK, Sweden, Germany and Japan. It was on many best seller lists and in paperback (Pocket Books) sold more than a million copies. Her novels deal with American women trying to find a foothold in a rapidly changing world.
She is a nationally known author, journalist, media critic and professor of Journalism at Boston University. In 2007 She was awarded the Helen Thomas Lifetime Achievement Award from the Society of Professional Journalists for distinguished journalism. She is the author of four novels and four works of non-fiction, all critically acclaimed. Her books have been selections of the Book of the Month Club, Literary Guild, Doubleday Book Club and Troll Book club. With her late husband, Boston Globe columnist Alan Lupo, she penned a funny account of modern parenting, “For Better, For Worse.”
“Reading this book is like multiplying Woody Allen by two. Marriage isn’t supposed to be this funny.”
—The Philadelphia Inquirer, on “For Better, For Worse”
Her articles have appeared in the New York Times magazine, Daily Beast, Huffington post, Salon, The Nation, Saturday Review, Ms., Mother Jones, Dissent, McCalls, Glamour, Redbook, Rolling Stone, Ladies Home Journal and many others. She writes frequent commentary for the Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune and Womensenews. Of Her book “Selling Anxiety: How the News Media Scare Women” Gloria Steinem says it “will save the sanity of media watchers enraged or bewildered by the distance between image and reality.”
She has co-authored four books with Dr. Rosalind Barnett, senior scientist at the Women’s Studies Research Center at Brandeis—the latest (2011) being “The Truth About Girls and Boys: Confronting Toxic Stereotypes About Our Children.” Articles based on the book won a Casey medal for distinguished journalism about children and families and a special citation from the National Education Writers association. The Editorial Board of the Boston Globe voted their book “Same Difference” one of the best books of the year in 2004. The New York Times called their book “She Works, He Works” a bold new framing of the story of the American family, and praised its lucid prose. The Sloan Foundation cited their book “Lifeprints” as a “classic book” from the work-family canon that has made “a significant contribution and stood the test of time.”
Caryl Rivers also wrote THE CHEATS, an ABC afterschool special about the lives of high school seniors embroiled in a cheating scandal. It won the AFTRA American scene award for its treatment of minority characters. She also wrote A MATTER OF PRINCIPAL, syndicated by Hearst television, a drama about an urban school principal starring Loretta Swit. The drama won the prestigious GABRIEL award in l990 as the best locally produced television program in the U.S. Ms. Rivers was creative consultant for JENNY’S SONG, the first made for television drama to be syndicated nationally by Westinghouse television, starring Ben Vereen and Jessica Walter.
She is a nationally known author, journalist, media critic and professor of Journalism at Boston University. In 2007 She was awarded the Helen Thomas Lifetime Achievement Award from the Society of Professional Journalists for distinguished journalism. She is the author of four novels and four works of non-fiction, all critically acclaimed. Her books have been selections of the Book of the Month Club, Literary Guild, Doubleday Book Club and Troll Book club. With her late husband, Boston Globe columnist Alan Lupo, she penned a funny account of modern parenting, “For Better, For Worse.”
“Reading this book is like multiplying Woody Allen by two. Marriage isn’t supposed to be this funny.”
—The Philadelphia Inquirer, on “For Better, For Worse”
Her articles have appeared in the New York Times magazine, Daily Beast, Huffington post, Salon, The Nation, Saturday Review, Ms., Mother Jones, Dissent, McCalls, Glamour, Redbook, Rolling Stone, Ladies Home Journal and many others. She writes frequent commentary for the Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune and Womensenews. Of Her book “Selling Anxiety: How the News Media Scare Women” Gloria Steinem says it “will save the sanity of media watchers enraged or bewildered by the distance between image and reality.”
She has co-authored four books with Dr. Rosalind Barnett, senior scientist at the Women’s Studies Research Center at Brandeis—the latest (2011) being “The Truth About Girls and Boys: Confronting Toxic Stereotypes About Our Children.” Articles based on the book won a Casey medal for distinguished journalism about children and families and a special citation from the National Education Writers association. The Editorial Board of the Boston Globe voted their book “Same Difference” one of the best books of the year in 2004. The New York Times called their book “She Works, He Works” a bold new framing of the story of the American family, and praised its lucid prose. The Sloan Foundation cited their book “Lifeprints” as a “classic book” from the work-family canon that has made “a significant contribution and stood the test of time.”
Caryl Rivers also wrote THE CHEATS, an ABC afterschool special about the lives of high school seniors embroiled in a cheating scandal. It won the AFTRA American scene award for its treatment of minority characters. She also wrote A MATTER OF PRINCIPAL, syndicated by Hearst television, a drama about an urban school principal starring Loretta Swit. The drama won the prestigious GABRIEL award in l990 as the best locally produced television program in the U.S. Ms. Rivers was creative consultant for JENNY’S SONG, the first made for television drama to be syndicated nationally by Westinghouse television, starring Ben Vereen and Jessica Walter.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
August 19, 2013
I won this book as a Goodreads giveaway - and I'm very glad I did. The thesis of the book is that women's progress in the march towards equal rights and equal treatment has actually stalled in recent years, and, worse than that, has actually gone backwards. Women face discrimination and double standards - but we as a society deny these problems exist (hence "soft" war), making them ever harder to eradicate. The argument is very convincing - the book is well-written, meticulously researched, up-to-date, and overall just very interesting. The authors touch on all aspects of women's lives - in the workplace, in education, in family life, and in the public eye. Many, many sources are cited, ranging from academic and scientific studies to anecdotes from a wide variety of women. Feminism is certainly not fashionable these days, but every woman owes it to herself to learn about the problems facing women today. If we deny these problems exist, they will only get worse. This book was a real eye-opener for me, and I genuinely hope that it becomes a best-seller - the message is relevant, necessary, and very important.
February 10, 2015
I purchased this book at an ACE (American Council in Education) women networking event a few months ago. Actually heard one of the authors speak, too. She was informative with facts and stories about women in the workforce and was an excellent speaker. The book backed up all she shared at the event and provided facts and research about women in the workforce. Recently it was reported that women now make up half the work force but the many stats in the book remind us that women still make significantly less (77 cents to the dollar) than their male counterparts.They often do not nominate themselves for promotion and there are serious gender issues in all areas of the work force. Research also informs us that women "lead the way" differently than men. They tend to "take care" and not "take charge," and they really need to talk themselves up! The last two chapters may be my favorite, too. The authors share information about women working and parenting as well as how the U.S. rates for parenting leave (not at all good). We all need to read this book so we can work together to move forward. "Winning the New Soft War has ot be an urgent national priority....At long last, we must move from rhetoric to action, from mythology to hard reality. The New Soft War can be won if we can summon the will to battle."
February 6, 2021
Women are slowly losing all the gains they have made and this book shows just how it’s happening. Naturally I felt fury reading this because I’m so tired of the patriarchy getting in the way of real, verifiable economic growth because the egos of men can’t handle that more gender diversity means better economy. Men would rather society fails than see more than on token women succeed.
“One woman is a token, two is a presence, three women is a voice!” We need three or more women!!!
“One woman is a token, two is a presence, three women is a voice!” We need three or more women!!!
December 14, 2018
This is a wonderfully informative book, its only fault being that the main ideas are a little excessively regurgitated from earlier chapters, and a few of the points made are a bit too stretched-out of leaps. That being said, once I finished it, I immediately bought it as an addition to my Christmas presents.
August 8, 2025
WHY HAVEN’T WOMEN BENEFITED VERY MUCH FROM THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS?
Journalist Caryl Rivers and psychologist Rosalind Barnettt wrote in the first chapter of this 2013 book, “At first glance, it may seem to be a wonderful time to be a woman---a time of empowerment and achievement. But look again, more closely, and you will see an ominous truth. Women’s gains in the workplace have either stalled out or are in grave danger of being rolled back. While more women than ever before are studying … in college and professional schools, there is a real question whether they will ever attain leadership positions in the areas in which they have been trained… Women are not getting to the top at anything like the rate one would have expected, given their education and early promise… It may be counterintuitive to think that education and employment don’t yield the sort of money and power that they do for men. But that is indeed the case.” (Pg. 1)
They continue, “what we call the New Soft War on Women is growing in strength… New barriers and old biases… shackle women as they try to move ahead in the arenas of business, academia, the sciences and politics. Picture, if you will… a man and a woman… Both are equally qualified… and both are willing to work as hard as they can to achieve their goals. But… the man, is unencumbered… the woman, carries a 50-pound pack on her back… She is carrying a history of gender discrimination… Most of this weight has been thrust upon her by history and culture, but some of it she herself has picked up when succumbing to the notions of what a woman should be…. The farther along she goes… the more formidable the barriers become, and the harder it gets for her.” (Pg. 2)
They explain, ‘Why do we call it ‘sort’? Because … today’s barriers are more subtle and insidious than the old ones… Now, bias operates under a welcoming façade… This isn’t an overt conspiracy… it’s a perfect storm of economic, political, and social factors that combine to threaten women’s progress… Why do we use the term ‘war? Because the statistics… are casualty figures… It’s not that there haven’t been gains by women---there have been many. It’s that the payback we expected simply hasn’t materialized. In many ways, women’s progress is stuck---and may even be shifting into reverse… Women want to succeed and are working hard to do so. But despite their best efforts, the rewards and promotions they have every right to expect often do not materialize. The New Soft War is affecting them, and the scary fact is that women don’t clearly grasp what’s happening.” (Pg. 5-7)
They acknowledge, “the issue of women and power is complex and involves the culture of the workplace as well as individual expectation and behavior. Problems around this issue are not going to vanish overnight, and the New Soft War can’t be won until women can hold power without being punished by others or always second-guessing their own actions.” (Pg. 52)
They assert, “Men who move into what used to be female territory are doing very well---better than women, in fact… White men in these fields are climbing aboard what’s coming to be called the ‘glass escalator.’ They get a double boost from being white and male and rise more quickly than equally qualified women and non-white men in position, pay, and benefits.” (Pg. 62)
They admit, “Even more discouraging is the reality that fewer women than men who earn these [professional] degrees will go into these fields… among men and women who were taking both physics and calculus, the proportion of men choosing a career in science and engineering was much greater than the proportion of women doing the same. So, girls who are taking and excelling in courses that will supposedly allow them to enter high-paying math and science careers are still not choosing those fields.” (Pg. 100)
They argue, “[A] media blitz has probably convinced people that young women have fast outpaced young men when it comes to going to college. Not so… many readers will find this fact astonishing. It turns out that the central tenet of the ‘ascendance of women’ argument is based on bogus statistics… There is not now---and never was---a startling 15% gender gap in college enrollments. How did that figure emerge? Researcher Jacqueline King… emphasizes that the gap is widest among blacks (63% vs. 37%) [and] Hispanics (54% vs. 46%)…. ‘It’s not middle-class young white men who aren’t going to college,’ King says. (Pg. 152-153)
About career advancement, they state, “Also, women---who are just as prone to gender stereotypes as men---may simply take themselves out of the running… these limiting beliefs need to be uprooted. In the New Soft War, it’s often the invisible barbed wire that can tear you up. Powerful men may also fail to recognize the difficult path that their female colleagues have to navigate.” (Pg, 164) They add, “Women are just as busy as men in campus activities, but… more young women are stepping back to let the men take the visible leadership positions.” (Pg. 170)
They report, “you’d think that childless men would be the most prized employees, because they’d be seen as totally dedicated to their work. But surprisingly, Wall Street fathers worked 90% as many hours as their childless male colleagues and received MORE money---122% as much money as childless men. Why do men get this bonus? Because married men and fathers are seen as being highly productive, motivated and committed, whereas married women and mothers are seen as conflicted, divided in their loyalties and unable to perform at a high level. In short: Men benefit from being married and enjoy a fatherhood bonus as well.”” (Pg. 197-198)
They summarize, “Gone are the days when high-wage manufacturing jobs provided a secure family income. White-collar and professional jobs are increasingly moving offshore… The middle class is shrinking. 50% of marriages end in divorce, so that a woman who expects to be supported for life by a husband is making a fool’s bet. Cultural memes about motherhood seem to tell women, ‘Stay at home or your children will be damaged.’ At the same time, mothers who aren’t in the workforce are called lazy drones who are not carrying their weight. Women have to make decisions based on their own needs and desires---illuminated by the facts that good research can provide. Whatever choices women do make, they need to be aware of the costs and benefits of those choices---in the present and in the future.” (Pg. 210)
They conclude, “Winning the New Soft War has to be an urgent national priority… There is cause for optimism… The United States is losing ground in the new global economy… The realization is dawning that we can’t lag behind much longer. At the same time, U.S. men are invested more than ever before in their family lives, and … they are overwhelmingly committed to their wives’ economic success. And women themselves are … unlikely to … forfeit the monetary and personal success they have worked hard for and deserve. At long last, we must move from rhetoric to action… the New Soft War can be won if we can summon the will to battle.” (Pg. 241-242)
This book will be of keen interest to those studying the modern American economy, and its gender-related issues.
Journalist Caryl Rivers and psychologist Rosalind Barnettt wrote in the first chapter of this 2013 book, “At first glance, it may seem to be a wonderful time to be a woman---a time of empowerment and achievement. But look again, more closely, and you will see an ominous truth. Women’s gains in the workplace have either stalled out or are in grave danger of being rolled back. While more women than ever before are studying … in college and professional schools, there is a real question whether they will ever attain leadership positions in the areas in which they have been trained… Women are not getting to the top at anything like the rate one would have expected, given their education and early promise… It may be counterintuitive to think that education and employment don’t yield the sort of money and power that they do for men. But that is indeed the case.” (Pg. 1)
They continue, “what we call the New Soft War on Women is growing in strength… New barriers and old biases… shackle women as they try to move ahead in the arenas of business, academia, the sciences and politics. Picture, if you will… a man and a woman… Both are equally qualified… and both are willing to work as hard as they can to achieve their goals. But… the man, is unencumbered… the woman, carries a 50-pound pack on her back… She is carrying a history of gender discrimination… Most of this weight has been thrust upon her by history and culture, but some of it she herself has picked up when succumbing to the notions of what a woman should be…. The farther along she goes… the more formidable the barriers become, and the harder it gets for her.” (Pg. 2)
They explain, ‘Why do we call it ‘sort’? Because … today’s barriers are more subtle and insidious than the old ones… Now, bias operates under a welcoming façade… This isn’t an overt conspiracy… it’s a perfect storm of economic, political, and social factors that combine to threaten women’s progress… Why do we use the term ‘war? Because the statistics… are casualty figures… It’s not that there haven’t been gains by women---there have been many. It’s that the payback we expected simply hasn’t materialized. In many ways, women’s progress is stuck---and may even be shifting into reverse… Women want to succeed and are working hard to do so. But despite their best efforts, the rewards and promotions they have every right to expect often do not materialize. The New Soft War is affecting them, and the scary fact is that women don’t clearly grasp what’s happening.” (Pg. 5-7)
They acknowledge, “the issue of women and power is complex and involves the culture of the workplace as well as individual expectation and behavior. Problems around this issue are not going to vanish overnight, and the New Soft War can’t be won until women can hold power without being punished by others or always second-guessing their own actions.” (Pg. 52)
They assert, “Men who move into what used to be female territory are doing very well---better than women, in fact… White men in these fields are climbing aboard what’s coming to be called the ‘glass escalator.’ They get a double boost from being white and male and rise more quickly than equally qualified women and non-white men in position, pay, and benefits.” (Pg. 62)
They admit, “Even more discouraging is the reality that fewer women than men who earn these [professional] degrees will go into these fields… among men and women who were taking both physics and calculus, the proportion of men choosing a career in science and engineering was much greater than the proportion of women doing the same. So, girls who are taking and excelling in courses that will supposedly allow them to enter high-paying math and science careers are still not choosing those fields.” (Pg. 100)
They argue, “[A] media blitz has probably convinced people that young women have fast outpaced young men when it comes to going to college. Not so… many readers will find this fact astonishing. It turns out that the central tenet of the ‘ascendance of women’ argument is based on bogus statistics… There is not now---and never was---a startling 15% gender gap in college enrollments. How did that figure emerge? Researcher Jacqueline King… emphasizes that the gap is widest among blacks (63% vs. 37%) [and] Hispanics (54% vs. 46%)…. ‘It’s not middle-class young white men who aren’t going to college,’ King says. (Pg. 152-153)
About career advancement, they state, “Also, women---who are just as prone to gender stereotypes as men---may simply take themselves out of the running… these limiting beliefs need to be uprooted. In the New Soft War, it’s often the invisible barbed wire that can tear you up. Powerful men may also fail to recognize the difficult path that their female colleagues have to navigate.” (Pg, 164) They add, “Women are just as busy as men in campus activities, but… more young women are stepping back to let the men take the visible leadership positions.” (Pg. 170)
They report, “you’d think that childless men would be the most prized employees, because they’d be seen as totally dedicated to their work. But surprisingly, Wall Street fathers worked 90% as many hours as their childless male colleagues and received MORE money---122% as much money as childless men. Why do men get this bonus? Because married men and fathers are seen as being highly productive, motivated and committed, whereas married women and mothers are seen as conflicted, divided in their loyalties and unable to perform at a high level. In short: Men benefit from being married and enjoy a fatherhood bonus as well.”” (Pg. 197-198)
They summarize, “Gone are the days when high-wage manufacturing jobs provided a secure family income. White-collar and professional jobs are increasingly moving offshore… The middle class is shrinking. 50% of marriages end in divorce, so that a woman who expects to be supported for life by a husband is making a fool’s bet. Cultural memes about motherhood seem to tell women, ‘Stay at home or your children will be damaged.’ At the same time, mothers who aren’t in the workforce are called lazy drones who are not carrying their weight. Women have to make decisions based on their own needs and desires---illuminated by the facts that good research can provide. Whatever choices women do make, they need to be aware of the costs and benefits of those choices---in the present and in the future.” (Pg. 210)
They conclude, “Winning the New Soft War has to be an urgent national priority… There is cause for optimism… The United States is losing ground in the new global economy… The realization is dawning that we can’t lag behind much longer. At the same time, U.S. men are invested more than ever before in their family lives, and … they are overwhelmingly committed to their wives’ economic success. And women themselves are … unlikely to … forfeit the monetary and personal success they have worked hard for and deserve. At long last, we must move from rhetoric to action… the New Soft War can be won if we can summon the will to battle.” (Pg. 241-242)
This book will be of keen interest to those studying the modern American economy, and its gender-related issues.
October 26, 2013
*I won this book in a First Reads giveaway. I love that. Thanks Goodreads and Tarcher Books!
Caryl Rivers and Rosalind Barnett have a strong and important message. The tremendous progress made starting in the middle of the last century has stalled. Discrimination and sexism continue to hold women back in the workforce and the economy. This book contains convincing data that show this to be true, despite what we frequently hear from media, employers, and even other women.
However, I dislike the phrase “New Soft War” and the authors’ battle cry comes across as too political for my taste. It’s just not clear enough who the ‘enemy’ is. The book is peppered with clichés, and I wasn’t always convinced that the authors weren’t employing some of the same biases as the studies and pundits they debunk.
The uncorrected proof has quite a lot of errors that I trust will be fixed in the final publication.
Overall, a nice companion to Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In.”
Caryl Rivers and Rosalind Barnett have a strong and important message. The tremendous progress made starting in the middle of the last century has stalled. Discrimination and sexism continue to hold women back in the workforce and the economy. This book contains convincing data that show this to be true, despite what we frequently hear from media, employers, and even other women.
However, I dislike the phrase “New Soft War” and the authors’ battle cry comes across as too political for my taste. It’s just not clear enough who the ‘enemy’ is. The book is peppered with clichés, and I wasn’t always convinced that the authors weren’t employing some of the same biases as the studies and pundits they debunk.
The uncorrected proof has quite a lot of errors that I trust will be fixed in the final publication.
Overall, a nice companion to Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In.”
November 5, 2013
The authors of this book bring a great deal of evidence that women even if they are hired into companies at far greater rates than in years past are now suffering a different form of prejudice. This can range from being kept to a higher standard than men to being given jobs with a very high chance of failure. They also emphasize that women do not get the same help with mentors and support groups to back them up in difficult situations in corporations (buddy system). There is really not much here as far as solutions to change things but more of a warning to just never give up. The book is also weighted heavily toward women way up the corporate ladder as opposed to mid and lower level job holders.
December 20, 2019
Just when you think you've taken two steps forward, you've actually taken one step back. That is basically how this book has been. Unfortunately it's a rude awakening on how things are actually going for women. Just when you think things have been progressing you get a smack in the face saying otherwise. It's a hard reality to come to terms with but it seems like this is what has been going on for many years. Although we have been making strides over the years & have done many things to get ahead & have high powered positions it seems like there is more happening that is actually problematic & don't even realize. How are women supposed to deal w/ the good ole boys club that doesn't even allow for women to be able to get a seat at the table? Or how about that there aren't even boards that have women on them still, let alone women of color. Women are supposed to do it all, take care of family as well as there professional careers. Where men get a pass on many of these things, women get criticized, judged, & sometimes even fired for things that are minuscule mistakes. It's so disheartening to read some of the stories that women have endured & experienced in their lives. It is simply sickening, makes you wonder how our society has let this happen for so long. Being second class citizens has not changed & that's the worst part. Equal pay has been an uphill battle for a while. Even the ERA has not been passed to actually be something substantial to hold on to. Yeah this is a whopper of a book that makes you realize how tragic this topic is to overcome.
May 18, 2017
An overwhelming amount of data at times but a strong informational book. I could see this being one I refer back to.
September 23, 2013
*won as a first reads giveaway on goodreads
This was very interesting reading.
At first, I didn't think anything in it would apply to me. I work as a public librarian - a middle management position in a field dominated by women - and this book seems directed toward high level executives in fields dominated by men.
However, there were a few chapters that I found particularly eye-opening.
"Chapter 3: Competent but Unlikeable?" - just the title speaks the truth. This is something that most working women have likely faced. We are often forced into situations in which we can get the work done and do it well while stepping on some toes, or we can try to make everyone feel good about everything we do and thus take twice as long and compromise so much that the work is not as good . . . A quote from one executive in the book, "I think [speaking up] turns supervisors off. I think that then you become the "trouble person." You become the thorn in the side and eventually they find reasons to say, 'Well, you know you're not working out as well as we said you were'." I agree heartily with this statement. No, you don't have to be mean to do good work - but you do have be direct and honest and ask hard questions, and when women do this, we are assumed to be "difficult" or worse, rather than doing our jobs. A balance is difficult, if not impossible, to find.
"Chapter 7: Risk Takers, No; Caretakers, Yes" explained that we are naturally biased to assume that women will nurture others. When they do not, they are considered deficient. When they are caring, they receive no special accolades. It's considered natural. Men, on the other hand, are not expected to be nuturing and fuzzy - but when they are they get "bonus" points for their empathetic leadership. The most surprising thing, however, is that most business leaders, male and female, use the same strategies - neither men nor women are more nurturing leaders. However, our biases lead us to assume otherwise - giving more credit to men for acting "out of character."
No, I'm not explaining any of this well. Read the book.
Because of reading this title, when I hear stories now about women in the workplace, I have a broader understanding of many of the issues that may be occurring behind the scenes.
This isn't to say that I endorse everything in the book. The authors go to great lengths debunking several media-pumped studies. However, the studies the authors themselves cite could very well have similar confirmation bias problems and small sample study issues. I think that any sociological studies should be taken with a large grain of salt, including the authors'.
I also didn't think the solutions suggested at the end of the book were particularly helpful. The authors are strong proponents of government quotas. Meh.
However, just because I don't agree with everything in the book doesn't mean that it isn't a worthwhile read. It gave me a stronger, broader, and deeper perspective of women's inequality in the workplace and a firmer belief that, yes, there is still inequality in the workplace, even today.
This was very interesting reading.
At first, I didn't think anything in it would apply to me. I work as a public librarian - a middle management position in a field dominated by women - and this book seems directed toward high level executives in fields dominated by men.
However, there were a few chapters that I found particularly eye-opening.
"Chapter 3: Competent but Unlikeable?" - just the title speaks the truth. This is something that most working women have likely faced. We are often forced into situations in which we can get the work done and do it well while stepping on some toes, or we can try to make everyone feel good about everything we do and thus take twice as long and compromise so much that the work is not as good . . . A quote from one executive in the book, "I think [speaking up] turns supervisors off. I think that then you become the "trouble person." You become the thorn in the side and eventually they find reasons to say, 'Well, you know you're not working out as well as we said you were'." I agree heartily with this statement. No, you don't have to be mean to do good work - but you do have be direct and honest and ask hard questions, and when women do this, we are assumed to be "difficult" or worse, rather than doing our jobs. A balance is difficult, if not impossible, to find.
"Chapter 7: Risk Takers, No; Caretakers, Yes" explained that we are naturally biased to assume that women will nurture others. When they do not, they are considered deficient. When they are caring, they receive no special accolades. It's considered natural. Men, on the other hand, are not expected to be nuturing and fuzzy - but when they are they get "bonus" points for their empathetic leadership. The most surprising thing, however, is that most business leaders, male and female, use the same strategies - neither men nor women are more nurturing leaders. However, our biases lead us to assume otherwise - giving more credit to men for acting "out of character."
No, I'm not explaining any of this well. Read the book.
Because of reading this title, when I hear stories now about women in the workplace, I have a broader understanding of many of the issues that may be occurring behind the scenes.
This isn't to say that I endorse everything in the book. The authors go to great lengths debunking several media-pumped studies. However, the studies the authors themselves cite could very well have similar confirmation bias problems and small sample study issues. I think that any sociological studies should be taken with a large grain of salt, including the authors'.
I also didn't think the solutions suggested at the end of the book were particularly helpful. The authors are strong proponents of government quotas. Meh.
However, just because I don't agree with everything in the book doesn't mean that it isn't a worthwhile read. It gave me a stronger, broader, and deeper perspective of women's inequality in the workplace and a firmer belief that, yes, there is still inequality in the workplace, even today.
September 12, 2013
Excellent! Good balance of quantitative and qualitative data. I hope when it comes out, everyone is talking about this book! They do some intense debunking; it's awesome. It's like washing your face of all the misinformation that can settle from much of mainstream media. Much needed book, hopefully just in time! It seems to be extremely well-researched.
Last year, I read Rivers & Barnett's 'Same Difference: How Gender Myths Are Hurting Our Relationships Our Children And Our Jobs' and it was phenomenal, but I probably wouldn't have read 'Soft War' so soon if I hadn't received a copy via Goodreads Giveaways. I'm very glad I did. It's very timely and important. Today I saw that Hanna Rosin has declared Patriarchy dead. I immediately posted a link to this book. Rosin's claim couldn't be more false and it is a very damaging myth to spread. Rivers and Barnett will tell you exactly why.
Last year, I read Rivers & Barnett's 'Same Difference: How Gender Myths Are Hurting Our Relationships Our Children And Our Jobs' and it was phenomenal, but I probably wouldn't have read 'Soft War' so soon if I hadn't received a copy via Goodreads Giveaways. I'm very glad I did. It's very timely and important. Today I saw that Hanna Rosin has declared Patriarchy dead. I immediately posted a link to this book. Rosin's claim couldn't be more false and it is a very damaging myth to spread. Rivers and Barnett will tell you exactly why.
January 18, 2014
Another no-nonsense take down of gender stereotypes, media blather, and consistent discrimination women face. This is essential reading, like Susan Faludi's BACKLASH a couple decades ago. Pair this with their SAME DIFFERENCE and DELUSIONS OF GENDER and you're set.
I will say this: this book was heavily skewed toward corporate/professional women and, hence, mostly middle/upper class, and, hence that, mostly white. While we have the system we have everyone should be treated fairly and sexism, gender discrimination, and the new soft war they describe should be understood and combated. Still, it is hard to cheer for getting more women in positions of corporate and government power as an anarchist, anti-capitalist when I want to see those systems replaced.
I will say this: this book was heavily skewed toward corporate/professional women and, hence, mostly middle/upper class, and, hence that, mostly white. While we have the system we have everyone should be treated fairly and sexism, gender discrimination, and the new soft war they describe should be understood and combated. Still, it is hard to cheer for getting more women in positions of corporate and government power as an anarchist, anti-capitalist when I want to see those systems replaced.
January 27, 2016
Hm. So first off.
For a book so focused on gender, I find myself exceedingly frustrated with the interchangeable use of "male/female" and "man/woman." Sex and gender are not the same and as authors of a book that is remotely talking about gender, you should consistently use the correct words.
Overall, it was an interesting book. I was left with a bad taste in my mouth after the last chapter because it seemed slightly "self help"-esque. I think I would have preferred if the final chapter was briefer and more global, I suppose - for lack of a better world (I'm having a hard time with words - falling asleep in public again - late night in the library). Not a bad book, though. It had some incredibly compelling insight at times.
For a book so focused on gender, I find myself exceedingly frustrated with the interchangeable use of "male/female" and "man/woman." Sex and gender are not the same and as authors of a book that is remotely talking about gender, you should consistently use the correct words.
Overall, it was an interesting book. I was left with a bad taste in my mouth after the last chapter because it seemed slightly "self help"-esque. I think I would have preferred if the final chapter was briefer and more global, I suppose - for lack of a better world (I'm having a hard time with words - falling asleep in public again - late night in the library). Not a bad book, though. It had some incredibly compelling insight at times.
June 19, 2015
Good information. Breezy, non-academic writing on an incessant and opinionated mission. Too many easily-skipped anecdotes about, and quotes by, specific women (call Oprah) and too much about upper-level management positions (though it is generalizable to others). A fast read and overall worthwhile.
February 13, 2017
This book does explain how and why women are still discriminated against in the workplace and how there's a long way to go to reach equality. However, it then basically tells women to "try anyway" and offers little other guidance. I was hoping to find more advice on how to win this soft war.
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June 12, 2015305.40973 R622 2013
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November 22, 2015Really good information and factsthat confirms all those niggling feelings that something is not right in the workplace.
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