Warning: this review is not appropriate for children.
Warning: neither is this graphic novel.
Yet. . . it seems marketed toward children, what with the stunning depiction of the Queen from Snow White and all of her bling on the cover. And, it is, after all, a retelling of the Snow White fairy tale.
It's so appealing to children, it's like a perfectly formed, perfectly red apple, perfectly propped up in the basket. My children naturally assumed it was for safe for them to consume.
Thus begins my rant. . .
Before we begin, I would like to mention that I've been a Neil Gaiman fan, and I'm also a parent of three children, like Mr. Gaiman is.
I'm not overly wholesome; in fact, I've had a fantasy for about three years running that Mr. Gaiman will personally narrate one of his books to me in the dark as I sit propped in his lap, munching on one of his perfectly formed earlobes. (I'm imagining, of course, that under those bushy locks he has perfectly formed earlobes. I also warned you that this review was not appropriate for children).
Regardless, I am wholesome when it comes to children, both my own and children everywhere.
Back to my rant. . .
So, I ordered this 2019 graphic novel by Neil Gaiman and Colleen Doran and I picked it up from the library yesterday afternoon. It sat on the top of a happy stack of treasures, and I placed it in the backseat between both of my daughters. All three of my kids are voracious readers and they can't resist a great cover, and the cover of this one is so fabulous, it must have been like picking up a figurine of Swarovski crystal. I hadn't made it past two traffic lights before I started to hear from the backseat, “Mom. . . Mom? What is this? This is disgusting! What are you READING??" (For the record, I was driving). From the other side of the car, my other daughter started in on her own chorus, like the back-up singer in the band, “Oh. . . my. . . God. . . Oh. . . my. . . God. . . Oh. . . my. . . God.”
I looked up in the rearview mirror and was like, “What?? What's going on?”
From the backseat: “Mom. I'm ruined for life. I can never unsee this. . .” And then, “Oh. . . my. . . God. . . Oh. . . my. . . God. . .”
I finally pulled over into a parking lot and told them to hand me the book.
Oh my God.
I could not believe my eyes. This book gives the term “gratuitous sex” new meaning. The whole damn thing is sex. Sex, mixed with blood: red blood, black blood. More bonuses: the king's pubic hair, giant phalluses on the Queen's robe, both step-mother and daughter going downtown on men. WTF??
I put the book down nonchalantly on the front seat of the car and proceeded to drive home in silence. Until I heard from the backseat of the car: “I have scar tissue in my eyes now. I will never, ever be able to see again. There is no eraser big enough for my eyes.” Peppered with “Oh. . . my. . . God. . . Oh. . . my. . . God.”
Oh my God.
After my daughters went to bed last night, I decided to read it, to see if the soft porn visuals at least seemed to serve some purpose in this story.
No, they didn't. It only got worse, and here's where I take my rant up a notch.
Hey, Neil Gaiman and Company: can we please, please stop SEXUALIZING children?? Is it not bad enough that one in four girls in the United States will be raped or sexually abused in her childhood? Is that not a staggering enough statistic? (Which is probably more like one in three, if more accurately reported anyway?)
Do we really need to see a 6-year-old, especially in a 2019 publication, voluntarily going down on her father, and leaving scars on “her father's thighs, and on his ballock-pouch, and on his male member” from her “playful bites?”
Can we please stop portraying 12-year-olds as “vixens” who want to ride men and bite them?
And why, after riding the grown man, are the 12-year-old's thighs “stained with wet black filth?”
Oh, yes, please, let's make the 12-year-old a WHORE who wants it, and let's simultaneously make her dirty, too.
Should I mention here the act of necrophilia that follows, or should I let it go?
It's a free country where I live, and my opinion is that this is GARBAGE.
Feel free to form your own opinion about this graphic novel, but if you're smarter than I am, you'll keep it away from anyone under the age of 16.