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How a Wife Speaks: Loving Your Husband Well Through Godly Communication
The nearest, clearest, and best opportunity every wife has to improve her marriage is becoming a better communicator. Couples who learn to speak, listen, and understand one another experience growth in every other aspect of their marriage, including their unity, intimacy, priorities, and more. So, why not devote yourself to mastering the craft of biblical, godly communication?
In How a Wife Speaks, author Selena Frederick challenges wives to become the types of women who understand the weight of their words and view communication as an opportunity to love their husbands more like Christ. In this book, you
In How a Wife Speaks, author Selena Frederick challenges wives to become the types of women who understand the weight of their words and view communication as an opportunity to love their husbands more like Christ. In this book, you
184 pages, Paperback
Published June 12, 2023
177 people are currently reading
911 people want to read
About the author
Selena Frederick
12 books20 followersRyan & Selena Frederick are passionate about seeing the gospel change hearts and transform marriages. They believe it’s impossible for relationships to truly thrive outside of the redemptive, saving work of Jesus Christ. As writers they lead a vibrant community of hundreds of thousands of couples through their blog, Fierce Marriage.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
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February 17, 2025Leaving a rating out for this one because it’s more of a self-help/guidance type of book, and everyone’s experience with this is more so based off of their own need.
I realize this type of book is not for everyone. My fiancé and I chose to read this set of books together (How a Wife Speaks / How a Husband Speaks). Growing up I went to church, but haven’t always been strong in my faith. My fiancé on the other hand was raised in a Christian household, went to a Christian school, and is more devout in his faith than I.
If you are not a Christian or a non-believer, I do not think you’d particularly like this book as it is filled with Bible verses and scripture that pertain to the messages.
Aside from that, the advice and takeaways were actually insightful and beneficial to me. Good messages on communication and the importance of developing good communication habits in your marriage. There are reflection questions at the end of each chapter and space to write in answers if you wish.
The “fierce wife” talk was a little much and a little cheesy for me. I also think if you plan to use these as a work book with your partner, the chapters and their messages don’t perfectly align, so while both books discuss similar topics and themes, chapter one (for example) in each book may not match up with the other. It was still fun to reflect with my fiancé on “what we learned” from each chapter despite their differences.
I realize this type of book is not for everyone. My fiancé and I chose to read this set of books together (How a Wife Speaks / How a Husband Speaks). Growing up I went to church, but haven’t always been strong in my faith. My fiancé on the other hand was raised in a Christian household, went to a Christian school, and is more devout in his faith than I.
If you are not a Christian or a non-believer, I do not think you’d particularly like this book as it is filled with Bible verses and scripture that pertain to the messages.
Aside from that, the advice and takeaways were actually insightful and beneficial to me. Good messages on communication and the importance of developing good communication habits in your marriage. There are reflection questions at the end of each chapter and space to write in answers if you wish.
The “fierce wife” talk was a little much and a little cheesy for me. I also think if you plan to use these as a work book with your partner, the chapters and their messages don’t perfectly align, so while both books discuss similar topics and themes, chapter one (for example) in each book may not match up with the other. It was still fun to reflect with my fiancé on “what we learned” from each chapter despite their differences.
August 20, 2023
It was an ok book.my husband and I did this as a Bible study “marriage group” with friends and we found out that the weeks don’t align very well on topics.it would have been better if men and women had the same topics for the week. This did not work for me.the wives book by itself was ok
February 21, 2025
I thought this was so good. As someone who struggles with communication this really helped provide me with some tools on how to communicate for effectively and more lovingly in more stressful situations.
July 29, 2024
This book is so powerful and really compelling. It does an excellent job forcing you to see your own convictions and to work on yourself as a wife! ❤️❤️❤️
October 21, 2024
So good. My husband and I did this study with our small group and it was really good to reflect on certain areas in our life and connect with our people. I recommend this to all couples.
January 15, 2026
1. Communication is a garden;
It will bear fruit but what kind of fruit
Heart behind what you say matters.
2. The words of an excellent wife
Proverbs 31 women are not the goal he is. He writes about how we should be.
Jesus must transform your being. Before he transforms your doing.
Look at every situation with love first
Words are not weapons
3. Off with the old in with the new. Our flesh usually talks first. Gospel changes how we used words bc God love transforms. As we walk closer we resemble more. Lift intention heavenly is what your upset about something Jesus says is wrong or is it earthly. Not sinless but we sin less…. So good
4. Destroying manipulation in your marriage. We don’t understand that we do have forms of manipulation see this chapter for the seven forms that we may use, and then how we can recognize, repent reconcile and remove the sin
5. The wholeheartedly yes. Discipline is a wholehearted yes to God. Saying yes to God can come with a price but obey. Joyfully surrender to God. Christ version of love is submission HIS way not ours. In moments of anger try self control. We are called to honor someone even when we know there flaws. I can be honest while also exercising wisdom. Spirit led restraint. Emotions have a way of passing even when they feel heavy and urgent
6. Respect is not a curse word. Honoring your husband is an act of obedience. Especially if he is following Jesus and obeying him. See chapter for more in depth details
7. The words of a wife to her beloved. Sexual conversation is important but how you do it it’s even more important. You have to leave out any communication that you have learned from unholy sources or anything in your past you have to completely just be with the person you are currently with your husband read song of songs to know how intimate you can be while still being respectful.
8. To the pen. Try writing to vent by submitting it to the Lord. You can acknowledge your feelings without grumbling. One of the many ways he showed that he loved us was with words to the gospel. The best news we’ve ever received.
9. Learning the word gratitude. When you are young, you dream about just doing everything with your partner. You forget that yet maybe you have not been completely tested, especially in the marital reasoning. You are young living on love quite literally your salaries are low then you will quietly begin to blame each other for every ounce of doubt, discomfort, frustration, and uncertainty, especially when you’re tired, afraid and without Hope with a lot of life changes coming. But critical eyes and never satisfied one a small complaint can quickly translate and make the husband hateful as well. Find things to be grateful in the difficult trying, unknown seasons, consider listing out the reasons you’re thankful Jesus has given you your husband.
10. Hangry and tired. You have to understand your personal and marital limitations. Neither of you are mentally or emotionally and exhaustible. You have to admit these limitations to do things better. You also see a pattern of when you tend to fight and know how to go about that and take a time out, but if there is a deeper issue, it will come out once you notice these limitations or patterns for arguing
11. The truth about lying. See chapter. 3 forms of lies. Re-read if needed
12. Tongue taming. Only Jesus can tame your tongue. Try christs sweetness.
13. More than a meal. Make him a hearty meal. Sit down at the table with him. And just be.
14. Communication rights and tendencies. You must also recognize good traits in your husband. You can not blame the past that is pride.
15. Hearing everything he never said. We always have to lead with love and everything that we do. If we elevate our emotions above God’s word and authority, then we have issues. We can’t run loose like a wild horse. He has given us a better way to communicate we have to have humility, knowing that we are equal to our husband.
16. Consuming and being consumed. Literally what the title says you are what you consume. If you are not speaking the way, Jesus did with love then you have hate in your heart.
17. Salty and sweet oh what a treat. You have the direct line to your husbands heart.
18. A soft answer turns away wrath.
It will bear fruit but what kind of fruit
Heart behind what you say matters.
2. The words of an excellent wife
Proverbs 31 women are not the goal he is. He writes about how we should be.
Jesus must transform your being. Before he transforms your doing.
Look at every situation with love first
Words are not weapons
3. Off with the old in with the new. Our flesh usually talks first. Gospel changes how we used words bc God love transforms. As we walk closer we resemble more. Lift intention heavenly is what your upset about something Jesus says is wrong or is it earthly. Not sinless but we sin less…. So good
4. Destroying manipulation in your marriage. We don’t understand that we do have forms of manipulation see this chapter for the seven forms that we may use, and then how we can recognize, repent reconcile and remove the sin
5. The wholeheartedly yes. Discipline is a wholehearted yes to God. Saying yes to God can come with a price but obey. Joyfully surrender to God. Christ version of love is submission HIS way not ours. In moments of anger try self control. We are called to honor someone even when we know there flaws. I can be honest while also exercising wisdom. Spirit led restraint. Emotions have a way of passing even when they feel heavy and urgent
6. Respect is not a curse word. Honoring your husband is an act of obedience. Especially if he is following Jesus and obeying him. See chapter for more in depth details
7. The words of a wife to her beloved. Sexual conversation is important but how you do it it’s even more important. You have to leave out any communication that you have learned from unholy sources or anything in your past you have to completely just be with the person you are currently with your husband read song of songs to know how intimate you can be while still being respectful.
8. To the pen. Try writing to vent by submitting it to the Lord. You can acknowledge your feelings without grumbling. One of the many ways he showed that he loved us was with words to the gospel. The best news we’ve ever received.
9. Learning the word gratitude. When you are young, you dream about just doing everything with your partner. You forget that yet maybe you have not been completely tested, especially in the marital reasoning. You are young living on love quite literally your salaries are low then you will quietly begin to blame each other for every ounce of doubt, discomfort, frustration, and uncertainty, especially when you’re tired, afraid and without Hope with a lot of life changes coming. But critical eyes and never satisfied one a small complaint can quickly translate and make the husband hateful as well. Find things to be grateful in the difficult trying, unknown seasons, consider listing out the reasons you’re thankful Jesus has given you your husband.
10. Hangry and tired. You have to understand your personal and marital limitations. Neither of you are mentally or emotionally and exhaustible. You have to admit these limitations to do things better. You also see a pattern of when you tend to fight and know how to go about that and take a time out, but if there is a deeper issue, it will come out once you notice these limitations or patterns for arguing
11. The truth about lying. See chapter. 3 forms of lies. Re-read if needed
12. Tongue taming. Only Jesus can tame your tongue. Try christs sweetness.
13. More than a meal. Make him a hearty meal. Sit down at the table with him. And just be.
14. Communication rights and tendencies. You must also recognize good traits in your husband. You can not blame the past that is pride.
15. Hearing everything he never said. We always have to lead with love and everything that we do. If we elevate our emotions above God’s word and authority, then we have issues. We can’t run loose like a wild horse. He has given us a better way to communicate we have to have humility, knowing that we are equal to our husband.
16. Consuming and being consumed. Literally what the title says you are what you consume. If you are not speaking the way, Jesus did with love then you have hate in your heart.
17. Salty and sweet oh what a treat. You have the direct line to your husbands heart.
18. A soft answer turns away wrath.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 3, 2024
Easy read, short and really helpful chapters. Really good to help you look at what you’re doing and reflect in that and how to recognise ways to improve your communication with your husband.
February 10, 2024
Really good! Every woman should read this!!
February 2, 2025
“How a Wife Speaks: Loving Your Husband Well Through Godly Communication” by Selena Frederick is a profound exploration of the pivotal role communication plays in marriage. The author emphasizes that effective communication is the nearest and clearest opportunity for wives to enhance their marriages. By mastering biblical, godly communication, couples can experience growth in unity, intimacy, and priorities. 
She challenges wives to understand the weight of their words and view communication as an opportunity to love their husbands more like Christ. The book provides practical guidance, including developing habits to support a healthy communication culture at home, gaining tangible techniques to approach tough conversations, and discovering how the gospel connects to every word spoken. Each chapter concludes with reflection questions and prompts, encouraging readers to think deeply and intentionally about their communication tendencies. 
I found the book insightful and informative, noting that it’s applicable to all women in any stage of relationships. The writing is well-done, and the book offers new ideas that readers had not considered before. 
For those looking to delve deeper, pairing this book with its companion, “How a Husband Speaks: Leading and Loving Your Wife Through Godly Communication” by Ryan Frederick, can be particularly impactful. This approach allows my husband and I to buddy read & reflect on each chapter and discuss insights together, coming to mutual understanding and growth. 
Even for those who are not married, “How a Wife Speaks” serves as a valuable guide for relationships in general. It provides knowledge that can be beneficial for those planning to marry in the future, emphasizing the importance of godly communication in building strong, healthy relationships. 
In summary, “How a Wife Speaks” is a challenging and impactful read that encourages deep reflection and practical application. Whether you’re married or single, this book offers valuable insights into the power of words and the art of godly communication.
She challenges wives to understand the weight of their words and view communication as an opportunity to love their husbands more like Christ. The book provides practical guidance, including developing habits to support a healthy communication culture at home, gaining tangible techniques to approach tough conversations, and discovering how the gospel connects to every word spoken. Each chapter concludes with reflection questions and prompts, encouraging readers to think deeply and intentionally about their communication tendencies. 
I found the book insightful and informative, noting that it’s applicable to all women in any stage of relationships. The writing is well-done, and the book offers new ideas that readers had not considered before. 
For those looking to delve deeper, pairing this book with its companion, “How a Husband Speaks: Leading and Loving Your Wife Through Godly Communication” by Ryan Frederick, can be particularly impactful. This approach allows my husband and I to buddy read & reflect on each chapter and discuss insights together, coming to mutual understanding and growth. 
Even for those who are not married, “How a Wife Speaks” serves as a valuable guide for relationships in general. It provides knowledge that can be beneficial for those planning to marry in the future, emphasizing the importance of godly communication in building strong, healthy relationships. 
In summary, “How a Wife Speaks” is a challenging and impactful read that encourages deep reflection and practical application. Whether you’re married or single, this book offers valuable insights into the power of words and the art of godly communication.
January 3, 2025
I enjoyed the first half of the book, but felt like I didn't get much from the second half. However, I'd say it's a great attempt at expressing the importance of biblical marriage and how to behave as a godly woman in one. I think it just depends on how mature of a Christian you already are which will then factor how much you can really get out of this book. She does tend to speak the obvious sometimes. BUT, I did have some great take aways! And this was a huge endeavour so props to Selena. I did find some typos so I think it needed one more round of editing.
Takeaways
1. Your words carry immense power. Precision of language is SO important!
2. Your husband doesn't need to earn your respect. Freely give it to him just like he freely gives you love even when you didn't "earn" it.
3. Letting your emotions dictate the way you speak and behave towards your loved ones is lazy and immature.
4. Welcome your husband's criticism. How on earth will you grow as a godly woman if you don't?
5. Conflict doesnt have to be scary. It's necessary.
6. Pursue God first. Pursue selflessness. Pursue wisdom. It will be slow progress, but you can and you will grow.
P.S. the sex chapter was goofy and unhelpful. I think she was trying too hard to keep it PG.
Takeaways
1. Your words carry immense power. Precision of language is SO important!
2. Your husband doesn't need to earn your respect. Freely give it to him just like he freely gives you love even when you didn't "earn" it.
3. Letting your emotions dictate the way you speak and behave towards your loved ones is lazy and immature.
4. Welcome your husband's criticism. How on earth will you grow as a godly woman if you don't?
5. Conflict doesnt have to be scary. It's necessary.
6. Pursue God first. Pursue selflessness. Pursue wisdom. It will be slow progress, but you can and you will grow.
P.S. the sex chapter was goofy and unhelpful. I think she was trying too hard to keep it PG.
October 31, 2024
Biblical truths that cut right to the heart! Selena has always done a wonderful job challenging me through her writings. She ends every chapter of this book with a comparison between how a medicore wife behaves vs how a master wife would behave/respond to bring the chapter into a brief summary. Follow those points by the questions she asks, and gosh, was I challenged.
March 28, 2025
I wouldn’t say this is groundbreaking information, but it’s a great tool to use Gods word in and beyond our marriages. I could read this book later and probably feel convicted about a different topic or verse. Being of flesh we need to have constant reminders to walk in the word & this is a great way to realign yourself.
August 13, 2025
I wouldn't say the content was earth-shattering or terribly new but it was a good reminder of the impact of my words and how easy it is for negative communication to creep in. I did appreciate her tone throughout the book. There were no put-downs or excuses made for men or women as it relates to our common tendencies in communication.
July 3, 2024
This was a solid book with Godly advice. Nothing totally new to me but great reminders in fresh ways. I appreciated how it made me think and was edifying for my marriage. My husband read the husband companion book as well.
December 6, 2025
A 2.5 - a good book but nothing really profound. I feel like it just scratched the surface of some of the ways to communicate and I felt the examples were slightly exaggerated. There were some good truths placed though
March 16, 2024
There was nothing new or exciting in this book just a good, gentle reminder and encouragement to speak well of and to your husband.
July 24, 2024
I really enjoyed reading this and will read their others! Was very convicting but very refreshing to read about communicating with my spouse as a godly wife should.
January 13, 2025
I enjoyed this one. I haven’t read a Christian marriage book in a bit and this one was recentering on what it means to be a Godly wife and the tools we have in Christ.
March 9, 2025
Every Christian wife should read!
May 3, 2025
So good! Wouldn’t say I LOVED this but definitely shared some great wisdom and advice!
November 16, 2023
so much good wisdom + things to talk about / think through as newlyweds !!
September 21, 2023
Challenge. Encouraging. Loving. Communication can be so hard. I loved what Selena had to say about how to have better God-honoring communication! So good.
December 6, 2024
Great advice
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews