How a Wife Speaks: Loving Your Husband Well Through Godly Communication

by Selena Frederick

The nearest, clearest, and best opportunity every wife has to improve her marriage is becoming a better communicator. Couples who learn to speak, listen, and understand one another experience growth in every other aspect of their marriage, including their unity, intimacy, priorities, and more. So, why not devote yourself to mastering the craft of biblical, godly communication?

In How a Wife Speaks, author Selena Frederick challenges wives to become the types of women who understand the weight of their words and view communication as an opportunity to love their husbands more like Christ. In this book, you

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Self Help, Christian Non Fiction, Christianity

184 pages, Paperback

Published June 12, 2023

About the author

Ryan & Selena Frederick are passionate about seeing the gospel change hearts and transform marriages. They believe it’s impossible for relationships to truly thrive outside of the redemptive, saving work of Jesus Christ. As writers they lead a vibrant community of hundreds of thousands of couples through their blog, Fierce Marriage.

Reviews

[Emma Hynes]

Leaving a rating out for this one because it’s more of a self-help/guidance type of book, and everyone’s experience with this is more so based off of their own need.

I realize this type of book is not for everyone. My fiancé and I chose to read this set of books together (How a Wife Speaks / How a Husband Speaks). Growing up I went to church, but haven’t always been strong in my faith. My fiancé on the other hand was raised in a Christian household, went to a Christian school, and is more devout in his faith than I.

If you are not a Christian or a non-believer, I do not think you’d particularly like this book as it is filled with Bible verses and scripture that pertain to the messages.

Aside from that, the advice and takeaways were actually insightful and beneficial to me. Good messages on communication and the importance of developing good communication habits in your marriage. There are reflection questions at the end of each chapter and space to write in answers if you wish.

The “fierce wife” talk was a little much and a little cheesy for me. I also think if you plan to use these as a work book with your partner, the chapters and their messages don’t perfectly align, so while both books discuss similar topics and themes, chapter one (for example) in each book may not match up with the other. It was still fun to reflect with my fiancé on “what we learned” from each chapter despite their differences.

[Anni Marsha · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was an ok book.my husband and I did this as a Bible study “marriage group” with friends and we found out that the weeks don’t align very well on topics.it would have been better if men and women had the same topics for the week. This did not work for me.the wives book by itself was ok

[Maci Ashmun · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was so good. As someone who struggles with communication this really helped provide me with some tools on how to communicate for effectively and more lovingly in more stressful situations.

[Morgan Peck · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some good insights, but overall I think the content was surface-level and I struggled to read more than one chapter in a sitting.

[Taylea Sterk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so powerful and really compelling. It does an excellent job forcing you to see your own convictions and to work on yourself as a wife! ❤️❤️❤️

[Ashley Rand · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good. My husband and I did this study with our small group and it was really good to reflect on certain areas in our life and connect with our people. I recommend this to all couples.

[Emily Hayes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great read, filled with not only Scripture but practical content too. It was good to read in a group. Most of the chapters are quite short. There are not a lot of discussion questions, but it’s easy to let questions come about naturally

[Ana Raquel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy read, short and really helpful chapters. Really good to help you look at what you’re doing and reflect in that and how to recognise ways to improve your communication with your husband.

[Miranda Luchterhand · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great devotional to do at any point in a marriage! Originally received as a wedding gift and read both this and my hubby read the accompanying book - very good to read together. :)

[Kelsey Reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good! Every woman should read this!!

[Shelby Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

“How a Wife Speaks: Loving Your Husband Well Through Godly Communication” by Selena Frederick is a profound exploration of the pivotal role communication plays in marriage. The author emphasizes that effective communication is the nearest and clearest opportunity for wives to enhance their marriages. By mastering biblical, godly communication, couples can experience growth in unity, intimacy, and priorities. 

She challenges wives to understand the weight of their words and view communication as an opportunity to love their husbands more like Christ. The book provides practical guidance, including developing habits to support a healthy communication culture at home, gaining tangible techniques to approach tough conversations, and discovering how the gospel connects to every word spoken. Each chapter concludes with reflection questions and prompts, encouraging readers to think deeply and intentionally about their communication tendencies. 

I found the book insightful and informative, noting that it’s applicable to all women in any stage of relationships. The writing is well-done, and the book offers new ideas that readers had not considered before. 

For those looking to delve deeper, pairing this book with its companion, “How a Husband Speaks: Leading and Loving Your Wife Through Godly Communication” by Ryan Frederick, can be particularly impactful. This approach allows my husband and I to buddy read & reflect on each chapter and discuss insights together, coming to mutual understanding and growth. 

Even for those who are not married, “How a Wife Speaks” serves as a valuable guide for relationships in general. It provides knowledge that can be beneficial for those planning to marry in the future, emphasizing the importance of godly communication in building strong, healthy relationships. 

In summary, “How a Wife Speaks” is a challenging and impactful read that encourages deep reflection and practical application. Whether you’re married or single, this book offers valuable insights into the power of words and the art of godly communication.

[Karolyn B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the first half of the book, but felt like I didn't get much from the second half. However, I'd say it's a great attempt at expressing the importance of biblical marriage and how to behave as a godly woman in one. I think it just depends on how mature of a Christian you already are which will then factor how much you can really get out of this book. She does tend to speak the obvious sometimes. BUT, I did have some great take aways! And this was a huge endeavour so props to Selena. I did find some typos so I think it needed one more round of editing.

Takeaways
1. Your words carry immense power. Precision of language is SO important!
2. Your husband doesn't need to earn your respect. Freely give it to him just like he freely gives you love even when you didn't "earn" it.
3. Letting your emotions dictate the way you speak and behave towards your loved ones is lazy and immature.
4. Welcome your husband's criticism. How on earth will you grow as a godly woman if you don't?
5. Conflict doesnt have to be scary. It's necessary.
6. Pursue God first. Pursue selflessness. Pursue wisdom. It will be slow progress, but you can and you will grow.

P.S. the sex chapter was goofy and unhelpful. I think she was trying too hard to keep it PG.

[Andrea Tripp · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
📕
I’ve been married twenty years and communication is an area that we have often struggled with. I was really impressed with this book from the get-go. So often, Christian “self-help” books tend focus on behaviors that we need to change with a mention or two of Christ and Faith thrown in for good measure. I really appreciated that this book hones in on the gospel and continually points to Christ and scripture as guidance. I agree with the message that our faith and relationship with Jesus is our foundation, and the way we communicate with our spouse is an outpouring of that relationship. God sees our hearts, and our hearts are the spring for what we produce in communication and behavior.

[Kendra Wise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Biblical truths that cut right to the heart! Selena has always done a wonderful job challenging me through her writings. She ends every chapter of this book with a comparison between how a medicore wife behaves vs how a master wife would behave/respond to bring the chapter into a brief summary. Follow those points by the questions she asks, and gosh, was I challenged.

[Erin Birk · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wouldn’t say this is groundbreaking information, but it’s a great tool to use Gods word in and beyond our marriages. I could read this book later and probably feel convicted about a different topic or verse. Being of flesh we need to have constant reminders to walk in the word & this is a great way to realign yourself.

[Brenda Shirk · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wouldn't say the content was earth-shattering or terribly new but it was a good reminder of the impact of my words and how easy it is for negative communication to creep in. I did appreciate her tone throughout the book. There were no put-downs or excuses made for men or women as it relates to our common tendencies in communication.

[Regina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was given to me by a couple who had received a lot of help from both (his/hers) books. The difference is they've only been married a couple of years. I've been married for over 25. This felt very surface level for me. I kept wanting the chapters to elaborate more, delve a little deeper into issues.

[Ericka Andersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a solid book with Godly advice. Nothing totally new to me but great reminders in fresh ways. I appreciated how it made me think and was edifying for my marriage. My husband read the husband companion book as well.

[Meagan Papala · Rating 2 out of 5]

A 2.5 - a good book but nothing really profound. I feel like it just scratched the surface of some of the ways to communicate and I felt the examples were slightly exaggerated. There were some good truths placed though

[Lisa Terry · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a good book and reminder of where your heart should be as a wife when communicating with your husband.

I found a handful of typos and grammatical errors, but nothing that was difficult to piece together.

It read well and I enjoyed the Key Takeaways.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book before getting married, and now almost two years into marriage read it again: the words fell fresh on my heart and encouraged my soul in new ways. Thankful for this advice and words with supporting Scripture and truth!

[Natalie Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very motivating and encouraging.
This book broke down good communication in a marriage using Biblical references the whole way through.
Positive and real, you could definitely relate to each chapter.
Highly recommend

[Stacia · Rating 4 out of 5]

There was nothing new or exciting in this book just a good, gentle reminder and encouragement to speak well of and to your husband.

[Laycie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this and will read their others! Was very convicting but very refreshing to read about communicating with my spouse as a godly wife should.

[Michayla Collins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this one. I haven’t read a Christian marriage book in a bit and this one was recentering on what it means to be a Godly wife and the tools we have in Christ.

[Maggie Bego · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every Christian wife should read!

[Yeli Abda-Peña · Rating 3 out of 5]

So good! Wouldn’t say I LOVED this but definitely shared some great wisdom and advice!

[Alexsa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read bible-based book for couples struggling with harsh communication. Also, good for couples not yet married. There is an accompanying book for men: How a Husband Speaks.

[Philicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was short with short chapters but had powerful messages throughout. It made me stop and reflect. Will definitely reread in the future.

[Kara Craig · Rating 2 out of 5]

Grammatical errors, few practical examples, dragged on stories, repeated themes/points.

Overall poor writing.