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Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence
When most people think of domestic violence, images of battered women or abused children come to mind. But there is another side to this issue that is not as familiar--abused men. This unique book is the first to comprehensively examine this important but neglected social issue. Already praised by a diverse spectrum of readers--from Dear Abby's Abigail Van Buren, to the nation's leading domestic violence researcher, to those in law enforcement and counseling--this work is sure to spark controversy and discussion. It offers gripping, emotional stories, self-help for victims, and provocative insight into public issues, and provides a basic reference source for professionals.
Abused Men presents practical solutions for reducing domestic violence, whether its victims are male or female. Cook begins by examining the common misconceptions about this social issue and offers a wealth of what will be new information for most readers. While statistics show that 1.8 million American women are severely assaulted by their mates each year, few know that the same source indicates that 2 million men are also assaulted at home. After laying the groundwork for a serious reconsideration of how society views domestic violence, Cook allows a number of abused men to tell their stories. He then puts these experiences in the context of what therapists and others who have worked with such men know about domestic violence and how the male victim is similar to, yet different from, his female counterpart. After examining the reasons why so little is known about male abuse and the difficulties researchers encounter, Cook shows how the abused man, his friends and family, and the abusive or abused woman can come to grips with domestic violence. Drawing from a variety of sources, the final chapter brings these diverse elements together and proposes practical solutions for reducing domestic violence, whether its victims are male or female.
Abused Men presents practical solutions for reducing domestic violence, whether its victims are male or female. Cook begins by examining the common misconceptions about this social issue and offers a wealth of what will be new information for most readers. While statistics show that 1.8 million American women are severely assaulted by their mates each year, few know that the same source indicates that 2 million men are also assaulted at home. After laying the groundwork for a serious reconsideration of how society views domestic violence, Cook allows a number of abused men to tell their stories. He then puts these experiences in the context of what therapists and others who have worked with such men know about domestic violence and how the male victim is similar to, yet different from, his female counterpart. After examining the reasons why so little is known about male abuse and the difficulties researchers encounter, Cook shows how the abused man, his friends and family, and the abusive or abused woman can come to grips with domestic violence. Drawing from a variety of sources, the final chapter brings these diverse elements together and proposes practical solutions for reducing domestic violence, whether its victims are male or female.
170 pages, Hardcover
First published September 1, 1997
12 people are currently reading
253 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
February 26, 2020
I have recently been looking for information and books with regard to abused men.
This book is much needed and was the best I have found (only found 3)
The media has to stop looking away when men are abused.
Abuse in not gender specific, and in a way, as a mom, it more horrifying when its directed at a man, when that man is your son.
This book is much needed and was the best I have found (only found 3)
The media has to stop looking away when men are abused.
Abuse in not gender specific, and in a way, as a mom, it more horrifying when its directed at a man, when that man is your son.
August 22, 2009
For me, this book was a journey into an alien world without resorting to science fiction. I've had no experience with abusive relationships personally and have not had much interaction with anyone in this kind of relationship. It was extremely educational, and I got a much better picture of behaviors and interactions, that honestly, strike me as very very strange. Beyond opening up the strange world of abusive relationships, this book has additional fascinating features.
To begin with, there is the controversy that it apparently stirs up. Now I am definitely a feminist, as in feminist= strong (very very strong) supporter of equal rights for women. When I looked through reviews of this book on Amazon, I found absolute screeds to the effect that this book was just wrong because it was somehow denying that women are victims of domestic violence. So while men are currently more equal in most areas of life, there are striking exceptions (think parental rights) and this is one of those exceptions. Then are the screeds a case of defending what little territory you have? That is no real excuse. As always, I find irrational, emotional reactions to well researched fact filled presentations, disturbing and frustrating. The author and the researchers cited in the book have my sympathy for the resistance they had to have encountered in working on such an unpopular topic.
The book manages to be scholarly yet accessible in reviewing what existing research there is on the topic. It's clear that a big problem for researchers in this area is gross under reporting by victims. Think for a half second about the gender sterotypes that both men and women are indoctrinated with and you can see why this would be. In addition, the book pointed out that male abuse victims face real dangers in reporting abuse. Female abusers may try accusing the victim of abusing either her, or their children and those accusations have much too good a chance of being taking seriously by authorities. Male victims have much more limited counseling and support services available compared to female victims and also, apparently have much more trouble being taken seriously if they go to the hospital, until their injuries are quite severe. I thought it was interesting that while women usually have black eyes, lots of (possibly severe) bruises, perhaps broken arms, male abuse vitims with injuries are much more likely to have stab wounds, to have been hit over the head with heavy objects, or to have been shot.Basically, men pound on other people with their fists and women use weapons.
In addition to the review of research, there are quite horrifying and moving stories from victims included in the book. One thing I think could be a problem with this book is that other victims might read it and say, "well she's not coming after me with a knife so my relationship is okay". It would be a shame if these stories deterred victims from trying to improve their situation. The book mentions that in interviews with both male and female victims, the abuse victims find the psychological and emotional abuse more damaging and long lasting than the physical abuse. This book was heavily oriented toward considering the physical abuse and I would have been interested in learning more about the psychological and emotional aspects. I think this would also have made sense for the potential audiences of the book since apparently much of abuse in general is of the psychological and emotional type, and particularly for male victims. The book has a nice collection of information about helpful resources, counseling service and support organizations, in various countries.
This was a strange choice of book for me to read, but I feel like I learned a lot about something that I knew nothing about. As a researcher I thought discussion of the problems encountered in trying to research a socially invisible/unpopular/taboo area like this was very interesting. I think this could be a useful book for people who are in abusive relationships and for people who work with them professionally. Also, could be a good read if, like me, you enjoy learning about new types of disfunctional behavior.
To begin with, there is the controversy that it apparently stirs up. Now I am definitely a feminist, as in feminist= strong (very very strong) supporter of equal rights for women. When I looked through reviews of this book on Amazon, I found absolute screeds to the effect that this book was just wrong because it was somehow denying that women are victims of domestic violence. So while men are currently more equal in most areas of life, there are striking exceptions (think parental rights) and this is one of those exceptions. Then are the screeds a case of defending what little territory you have? That is no real excuse. As always, I find irrational, emotional reactions to well researched fact filled presentations, disturbing and frustrating. The author and the researchers cited in the book have my sympathy for the resistance they had to have encountered in working on such an unpopular topic.
The book manages to be scholarly yet accessible in reviewing what existing research there is on the topic. It's clear that a big problem for researchers in this area is gross under reporting by victims. Think for a half second about the gender sterotypes that both men and women are indoctrinated with and you can see why this would be. In addition, the book pointed out that male abuse victims face real dangers in reporting abuse. Female abusers may try accusing the victim of abusing either her, or their children and those accusations have much too good a chance of being taking seriously by authorities. Male victims have much more limited counseling and support services available compared to female victims and also, apparently have much more trouble being taken seriously if they go to the hospital, until their injuries are quite severe. I thought it was interesting that while women usually have black eyes, lots of (possibly severe) bruises, perhaps broken arms, male abuse vitims with injuries are much more likely to have stab wounds, to have been hit over the head with heavy objects, or to have been shot.Basically, men pound on other people with their fists and women use weapons.
In addition to the review of research, there are quite horrifying and moving stories from victims included in the book. One thing I think could be a problem with this book is that other victims might read it and say, "well she's not coming after me with a knife so my relationship is okay". It would be a shame if these stories deterred victims from trying to improve their situation. The book mentions that in interviews with both male and female victims, the abuse victims find the psychological and emotional abuse more damaging and long lasting than the physical abuse. This book was heavily oriented toward considering the physical abuse and I would have been interested in learning more about the psychological and emotional aspects. I think this would also have made sense for the potential audiences of the book since apparently much of abuse in general is of the psychological and emotional type, and particularly for male victims. The book has a nice collection of information about helpful resources, counseling service and support organizations, in various countries.
This was a strange choice of book for me to read, but I feel like I learned a lot about something that I knew nothing about. As a researcher I thought discussion of the problems encountered in trying to research a socially invisible/unpopular/taboo area like this was very interesting. I think this could be a useful book for people who are in abusive relationships and for people who work with them professionally. Also, could be a good read if, like me, you enjoy learning about new types of disfunctional behavior.
December 31, 2019
There was a time when there were no resources for women, when it was assumed women couldn’t be victims of spousal abuse. When shelters and crisis lines began opening up, we started to see just how prevalent the problem had been all along.
I believe we’re now at that juncture for men. There are no publicly funded shelters for battered men because there appears to be no need, but when violence surveys are conducted there are clearly female perpetrators and male victims. Males face many barriers to seeking help. Books like this allow for dialogue to open up to discuss how best to serve this population.
I believe we’re now at that juncture for men. There are no publicly funded shelters for battered men because there appears to be no need, but when violence surveys are conducted there are clearly female perpetrators and male victims. Males face many barriers to seeking help. Books like this allow for dialogue to open up to discuss how best to serve this population.
December 3, 2021
In what could be messy ideological territory Phillip Cook presents a thoroughly researched and balanced consideration of men as victims of domestic violence. Cook predominantly presents and discusses statistics from North America, but also the UK and Australia. He addresses the issue as part of a bigger problem of family violence and domestic abuse. While identifying some of the reasons why the issue of abused men is often ignored or dismissed, Cook doesn't seek to minimize or justify the problem of male perpetrated violence. Cook points out that the failure to address the problem of female perpetrators not only does a disservice to men, children, and lesbian partners but also to women themselves by the failure to provide services to help female perpetrators. He offers helpful suggestions for improving the family justice system, particularly in th US. The reader may want to pick and choose the sections most relevant to them.
April 25, 2016
Read for my thesis on this topic.
Read
May 29, 2023There are so few books about domestic abuse where the husband is the victim. I wanted to learn more on the subject and found this book from 1997! It is not so much that it is never written about, but it is a smaller section within a book that focuses on abuse against women. However, it is estimated that it happens as often to men as it does to women but is underreported by men because of the shame associated with it or that if it is happening to you, this makes you a "wimp." It doesn't, and it is never ok.
Minor violence was defined as involving slapping, pushing, grabbing, shoving, and or throwing things. More serious violence involved hitting, biting, kicking, using a weapon, and/or threatening with a weapon such as a gun or a knife.
There was a story of "Tim" who suffered slapping, hitting, and having things thrown at him. He says he never told anyone about his abuse: "Because they would assume that I had done something to her, or that I deserved it."
Regarding misconceptions about domestic violence by men against women compared to women against men, it was cited that movies and television shows form some of our opinions. When a woman slaps a man, the audience will often cheer, laugh, or clap. This would never happen if it were a man slapping a woman.
"It is always assumed that the husband's greater economic resources could allow him to more easily leave a disruptive marital situation....Although males, as a group, have considerably more economic security, if the husband leaves...he is still responsible for a certain amount of economic support...the loss in standard of living is certainly a consideration for any husband who is contemplating separation..." Later it talks about the sense of responsibility men have to provide and if they leave, there is guilt associated with leaving someone who cannot support herself.
Minor violence was defined as involving slapping, pushing, grabbing, shoving, and or throwing things. More serious violence involved hitting, biting, kicking, using a weapon, and/or threatening with a weapon such as a gun or a knife.
There was a story of "Tim" who suffered slapping, hitting, and having things thrown at him. He says he never told anyone about his abuse: "Because they would assume that I had done something to her, or that I deserved it."
Regarding misconceptions about domestic violence by men against women compared to women against men, it was cited that movies and television shows form some of our opinions. When a woman slaps a man, the audience will often cheer, laugh, or clap. This would never happen if it were a man slapping a woman.
"It is always assumed that the husband's greater economic resources could allow him to more easily leave a disruptive marital situation....Although males, as a group, have considerably more economic security, if the husband leaves...he is still responsible for a certain amount of economic support...the loss in standard of living is certainly a consideration for any husband who is contemplating separation..." Later it talks about the sense of responsibility men have to provide and if they leave, there is guilt associated with leaving someone who cannot support herself.
November 10, 2017
his suggestion for couples counseling goes against everything i have heard for abuse victims.
October 2, 2012
Very informative, and eye opening.
Want to read
December 4, 2013I want to read !!
December 23, 2025
An informative read on men who have been domestically abused by their partners or as they call it mate. Will support my work in working with families affected by this subject matter
December 1, 2021
Erin Pizzey, who opened the first refuge for abused women in London in 1971, already had made it clear back then that about half of the women coming through her shelter were as abusive as their male partners. The first comprehensive study ever conducted on domestic and family violence ever (also back in the 1970s, but in the USA this time) also concluded very clearly that domestic abuse is not gendered, women being as abusive as men when in intimate relationships. We know what happened then...
Erin Pizzey was evicted from her own organisation (Refuge) via death threats and bomb threats sent to her house by the 'feminists' now ideologically running it, the researchers involved in that first study (both men and women) were abused too (as was their wives) by the same toxic trend of radical feminism, and, to this day, claiming that women can be anything else than 'ladies in distress' at home, unable of any wrongdoings against boyfriends and husbands, will have you castigated for being highly politically incorrect. Well...
There might be a gender symmetry when it comes to domestic violence, as anyone with an hint of common sense can testify (women knowing full well how some other women can be toxic and abusive too; men having dated 'that crazy ex' and having as much 'crazy' stories to tell about their abusive behaviours -it's not because we don't ring the police that it ain't happening...) yet most 'feminists' these days will have none of that, victimising instead women at all cost to portray men as 'potential danger', being the only gender, apparently, to have it in them to be angry, controlling, jealous, manipulative, coercive, aggressive, or suffer all sorts of dysfunctional behaviours. *Sigh*
Philip W. Cook, of course, debunks here such rubbish, relying on official statistics, data and studies showing male's side of the issue. This is not to negate the violence perpetrated against women (we all know the figures). This is to argue that if some women are victims, not all are. What men can do, in fact, so they can and so they do, including being violent and nasty in the privacy of their households. He does more than that, though.
Analysing how domestic violence perpetrated by women is portrayed in the media, as opposed to that perpetrated by men (the case against 'self defence' is particularly powerful, as are the pages about bidirectional abuse), he denounces serious sexist bias which can only have but catastrophic consequences. Framing men as the only ones responsible for domestic abuse is not only stripping women from any responsibility when it comes to their own toxicity (the exact opposite of what being 'empowered' is all about, by the way), but, also, leads to a complete let down of their victims, not least the children having to endure or witness such abuse. It has a terrible and counter productive impact especially when it comes to all these therapies based on such gendered view, and which have been proven to be useless in resolving the abuser's dangerous behaviours yet keep being peddled at the expense of others.
Domestic violence, in the end, affects us all regardless of gender. It's very sad that more than 50 years after the first refuge ever was opened by women who acknowledged just that, the issue has been completely overtaken by ideological dogmas flying in the face even of common sense. Gendering the issue is definitely useful to these gendered lobbies having hijacked the field in spite of every research systematically debunking their rubbish, but what about the rest of us? It's not only men who end up re-victimised by such negationnism; it's also children and women themselves. Don't we worth better as a society? Then here goes: a must read.
Erin Pizzey was evicted from her own organisation (Refuge) via death threats and bomb threats sent to her house by the 'feminists' now ideologically running it, the researchers involved in that first study (both men and women) were abused too (as was their wives) by the same toxic trend of radical feminism, and, to this day, claiming that women can be anything else than 'ladies in distress' at home, unable of any wrongdoings against boyfriends and husbands, will have you castigated for being highly politically incorrect. Well...
There might be a gender symmetry when it comes to domestic violence, as anyone with an hint of common sense can testify (women knowing full well how some other women can be toxic and abusive too; men having dated 'that crazy ex' and having as much 'crazy' stories to tell about their abusive behaviours -it's not because we don't ring the police that it ain't happening...) yet most 'feminists' these days will have none of that, victimising instead women at all cost to portray men as 'potential danger', being the only gender, apparently, to have it in them to be angry, controlling, jealous, manipulative, coercive, aggressive, or suffer all sorts of dysfunctional behaviours. *Sigh*
Philip W. Cook, of course, debunks here such rubbish, relying on official statistics, data and studies showing male's side of the issue. This is not to negate the violence perpetrated against women (we all know the figures). This is to argue that if some women are victims, not all are. What men can do, in fact, so they can and so they do, including being violent and nasty in the privacy of their households. He does more than that, though.
Analysing how domestic violence perpetrated by women is portrayed in the media, as opposed to that perpetrated by men (the case against 'self defence' is particularly powerful, as are the pages about bidirectional abuse), he denounces serious sexist bias which can only have but catastrophic consequences. Framing men as the only ones responsible for domestic abuse is not only stripping women from any responsibility when it comes to their own toxicity (the exact opposite of what being 'empowered' is all about, by the way), but, also, leads to a complete let down of their victims, not least the children having to endure or witness such abuse. It has a terrible and counter productive impact especially when it comes to all these therapies based on such gendered view, and which have been proven to be useless in resolving the abuser's dangerous behaviours yet keep being peddled at the expense of others.
Domestic violence, in the end, affects us all regardless of gender. It's very sad that more than 50 years after the first refuge ever was opened by women who acknowledged just that, the issue has been completely overtaken by ideological dogmas flying in the face even of common sense. Gendering the issue is definitely useful to these gendered lobbies having hijacked the field in spite of every research systematically debunking their rubbish, but what about the rest of us? It's not only men who end up re-victimised by such negationnism; it's also children and women themselves. Don't we worth better as a society? Then here goes: a must read.
March 19, 2020
This book grabbed my attention with stats and current trends of domestic abuse against men. To date, I believe it is still the most thorough book on the subject, and used to educate authorities and law enforcement. Not only is the topic of physical abuse addressed, but emotional and verbal, which is far more common from women against men. The author painfully and accurately describes how hard it is for men to come forward with abuse, how law enforcement is not always receptive, and how so much is unreported because of the pervasive stigma, the general lack of awareness on the topic, and particular challenges in the court system for men.
November 4, 2020
I think that the subject of this book is very important but unfortunately I found it to be repetitive and dull. Beyond that I wasn't able to finish the book because there were 15 pages missing throughout the last chapter. I was very surprised when I saw this, not that they had been removed or anything they simple weren't printed in the book. If you are interested in the subject I would definitely suggest you look elsewhere for information.
January 10, 2015
A clearly needed subject for all human and social scientists to investigate!
February 27, 2015
Great resource and informative. Provides a balancing perspective on domestic violence with the hope of empowerment and healing for both women and men.
July 14, 2016
will use as reference for more research paper
June 5, 2014
Excellent
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews