Stranger In The Midst: A Memoir Of Spiritual Discovery

by Nan Fink

A woman's memoir of her conversion to Judaism describes her quest to discover a meaningful spirituality in her life, her often difficult struggle to find a home in the Jewish community, and her involvement in Jewish political and intellectual circles.

Genres: Memoir, Judaism

Hardcover

First published April 19, 1999

Reviews

[Holly McIntyre · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has been on my “to-read” list for so long that I don’t remember why I put it there or what I was expecting, although I assume I was expecting something more informational than introspective. It is (to me) annoyingly introspective, moaning for the first half of the book “the Jews won’t accept me as a convert” and in the second half “Judaism is so patriarchal.” I found it tiresome. At the same time, although she is a half-generation older than I, our shared S.F. Bay Area intellectual community context resonated with me — the struggle to find a place and an authentic voice in institutions built by and for men. Written in the mid-90s, it left me sweetly nostalgic for the world before 9/11, when our own struggles for spiritual identity and against the patriarchy were the most serious ones we faced.

[Mel · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Memoirs of spiritual journeys often focus on the writer's relationship with God. Visions of grandeur are recounted, and moments of despair or communion with the divine described. But my spiritual journey had a different character, embedded as it was in community and greatly affected by my feelings about it. Its most difficult moments had less to do with God and more to do with the people around me" (p. 187).

"Just beyond desire was the sweetness of possibility. And so I waited, still the fallow field...I knew it was a sign that the field was readying itself to bring forth life once again" (p. 213).

"I am not comfortable summarizing my experience. The truth is so deeply embedded in my life that I cannot separate it without distortion. When I open my imagination, colors and shapes and sounds swirl together as part of the vortex through which I passed on my way to conversion. And when I add snippets of memories, moments that go with words like creek and grandmother and darkness, the vortex becomes larger. And when I think of Baptist Sunday school, and when I remember my parents' home, and my mother's illness, and the way we said grace around the dinner table, and the first time I heard about the Holocaust, I understand even more; and it goes on from there, so that everything I've experienced is significant in the same way that a drop of iodine poured into water is diffused throughout" (p. 31).

"Converts, in this view, make a contribution because of their experience in other worlds. We are carriers of light, not supplicants to be suffered. All the effort to teach us, and answer our questions....is holy work" (p. 68).

[Caden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nan Fink's "Stranger in the Midst" was fantastic. I've read a few books about converting to Judaism and this is the first one I found that had most of the book take place after the conversion. The conversion wasn't wrapped up with a bow and there was no happily ever-after. But, refreshingly, when is life ever like that? Nan Fink's book was an honest account of her life after conversion, how the religion evolved in her eyes, things she learned about herself, her family. It was refreshing to read.

There are a few parts in particular I thought were particularly interesting/well articulated. Here is one:

"Yet now the expectation of goodness as a convert felt confining, and I strained against it. I didn't want to be better than other Jews, the perfect Ruth. My jewish friends had the freedom to doubt and complain, rebel and reject. If chunks of religion were unacceptable to them, they cut them out. Why shouldn't that be my right? I was as Jewish as they were, so I should be able to deviate from the traditional path without guilt or censure." (Pg 200)

I feel like it speaks for itself/sparks thoughts all on its own.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed the book and appreciated a far-too few trodden path of focusing on life after conversion.

[Marjorie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've had this book for over 13 years but only read it now. Gefen comes off as painfully honest, wrestling with many of the issues Jews-By-Choice are familiar with. I've been in the same position in the past year and was delighted to read how she resolved many of them for herself. I especially like her handling of the very patriarchal siddur.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book and first person account of becoming a "Jew by Choice." It was a very emotional story - full of twists and turns.

[Anna]

Great reading of a woman's search for peace w/i her spirituality and that of the Jewish faith.