What do you think?
Rate this book
Doing It Right: Making Smart, Safe, and Satisfying Choices About Sex
An experienced sex educator gets up front and personal in this updated reissue of an informative and candid guide aimed directly at teens.
Enjoy responsibly.
Sex. Sometimes it feels like everybody's doing it. Maybe you are. Maybe you're thinking about it. Maybe it's years away. Whatever.
You need to be ready -- in your head, and down there. You have to know the right stuff in order to do it.
Got questions? Who doesn't. "The Sex Lady" will break it down for you.
• Does size matter?
• How do you prevent STDs?
• What birth control options are there?
• If someone says they're a virgin, what does that mean?
• Am I ready? Am I normal?
The more you know, the easier it is to make safe -- and smart -- decisions about sex.
Enjoy responsibly.
Sex. Sometimes it feels like everybody's doing it. Maybe you are. Maybe you're thinking about it. Maybe it's years away. Whatever.
You need to be ready -- in your head, and down there. You have to know the right stuff in order to do it.
Got questions? Who doesn't. "The Sex Lady" will break it down for you.
• Does size matter?
• How do you prevent STDs?
• What birth control options are there?
• If someone says they're a virgin, what does that mean?
• Am I ready? Am I normal?
The more you know, the easier it is to make safe -- and smart -- decisions about sex.
160 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2007
2 people are currently reading
98 people want to read
About the author
Bronwen Pardes
2 books7 followersAfter years of teaching sex education in middle schools, high schools, and colleges in New York City, Bronwen Pardes has heard it all and blushes at nothing. Doing It Right offers down-to-earth, tell-it-like-it-is answer to the questions teens have been asking her for years. It’s one of New York Public Library’s “Books for the Teen Age,” an American Library Association Quick Pick for Reluctant Young Adult Readers, and on the Voices of Youth Advocates Non-Fiction Honor List.
Bronwen holds a Bachelor’s degree from Vassar College and a Master’s Degree in human sexuality from New York University. She has served as an expert for the websites TeenHealthFX.com and sexetc.com, which answer teens’ questions about sex. She currently teaches human sexuality courses at Brooklyn College and LaGuardia Community College in New York.
Bronwen holds a Bachelor’s degree from Vassar College and a Master’s Degree in human sexuality from New York University. She has served as an expert for the websites TeenHealthFX.com and sexetc.com, which answer teens’ questions about sex. She currently teaches human sexuality courses at Brooklyn College and LaGuardia Community College in New York.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
March 16, 2015
This is more of a basic primer than a comprehensive guide to sexuality.
I would give this book to an 11 or 12 year old, but I do not think it would be very helpful for older teens who are thinking about becoming sexually active. It is very focused on the basic biological facts, not the deeper emotional and relational issues that go along with first sexual intimacy.
There is nothing on the complicated and thorny issues that are part of sexual relationships. Emotions like fear, ambivalence and anxiety are given short shrift, and there is nothing for teens who need help in learning how to navigate sexual intimacy. Nothing on how to negotiate things like fantasies, roles, boundaries, reciprocity, or kink, nothing on what to do when one partner desires sex more frequently than another, or different kinds of sex than the other partner is comfortable with.
I do appreciate the fact that this book was inclusive of LGBT issues. How many other sex-ed books give transgender teenagers their own chapter? How many even acknowledge the existence of intersex teens? However, a transgender or intersex teenager is not going to get much in the way of concrete information on how best to explore their sexuality with a partner. The only thing the author says is that they should "do whatever feels right." I don't imagine that's much help, especially for those who are worried about the physical reality of their bodies, how their partner might react to them being trans or intersex, or are unsure what exactly might feel best to do in bed, both physically and emotionally.
I would also like to say a word about the way anal sex is presented in this book. I appreciate the fact that the subject was addressed, and I give the author kudos for emphasizing that enjoying anal stimulation has nothing to do with sexual orientation. At two different points in the book, she reassures straight male readers of this fact.
However, anal sex is presented as if it is something everyone does, or should want to do. The author does not address the way anal sex has become ubiquitous in porn (there is no discussion of porn period) and there is no mention of the fact that many young women are pressured to try anal by their boyfriends. She congratulates a male reader for being "comfortable" enough with his body to enjoy anal sex, which gives the unfortunate implication that those who do not have a desire for anal are not comfortable with their bodies or are somehow sexually repressed.
Overall, I think this book has more good points than bad points, so I'm giving it a 3 star rating. I might recommend it to very young teens who do not know much about sexuality, but for those who are actually beginning to embark on explorations, I would recommend a more comprehensive and in-depth work like S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna.
I would give this book to an 11 or 12 year old, but I do not think it would be very helpful for older teens who are thinking about becoming sexually active. It is very focused on the basic biological facts, not the deeper emotional and relational issues that go along with first sexual intimacy.
There is nothing on the complicated and thorny issues that are part of sexual relationships. Emotions like fear, ambivalence and anxiety are given short shrift, and there is nothing for teens who need help in learning how to navigate sexual intimacy. Nothing on how to negotiate things like fantasies, roles, boundaries, reciprocity, or kink, nothing on what to do when one partner desires sex more frequently than another, or different kinds of sex than the other partner is comfortable with.
I do appreciate the fact that this book was inclusive of LGBT issues. How many other sex-ed books give transgender teenagers their own chapter? How many even acknowledge the existence of intersex teens? However, a transgender or intersex teenager is not going to get much in the way of concrete information on how best to explore their sexuality with a partner. The only thing the author says is that they should "do whatever feels right." I don't imagine that's much help, especially for those who are worried about the physical reality of their bodies, how their partner might react to them being trans or intersex, or are unsure what exactly might feel best to do in bed, both physically and emotionally.
I would also like to say a word about the way anal sex is presented in this book. I appreciate the fact that the subject was addressed, and I give the author kudos for emphasizing that enjoying anal stimulation has nothing to do with sexual orientation. At two different points in the book, she reassures straight male readers of this fact.
However, anal sex is presented as if it is something everyone does, or should want to do. The author does not address the way anal sex has become ubiquitous in porn (there is no discussion of porn period) and there is no mention of the fact that many young women are pressured to try anal by their boyfriends. She congratulates a male reader for being "comfortable" enough with his body to enjoy anal sex, which gives the unfortunate implication that those who do not have a desire for anal are not comfortable with their bodies or are somehow sexually repressed.
Overall, I think this book has more good points than bad points, so I'm giving it a 3 star rating. I might recommend it to very young teens who do not know much about sexuality, but for those who are actually beginning to embark on explorations, I would recommend a more comprehensive and in-depth work like S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna.
September 5, 2009
With teens immersed into a sexual culture earlier in life, and a lot of the times getting misinformation about sexual activity, Pardes book provides them an accurate and understandable look at sex. While many parents may think Pardes’ detail and frankness about sex terms and teens’ first time may be more than their child should know, teens are able to handle situations better when they are more informed, instead of hearing “facts” from bragging friends, or rumors. The more teens are educated, the safer they will be. They may also be curious for themselves or others, as is natural, and answering their questions and providing them with direct information may take them on the information seeking route instead of experiencing when they are not ready for.
Pardes also creates a voice that is at the level of teens, which is neither condescending nor out of their understanding. In giving teens honest answers, the choice to decide what is best for them, and using slang terms that they may have heard on school grounds, Pardes’ book is a great opportunity for teens to understand the truths about sex and how to be safe.
Pardes also creates a voice that is at the level of teens, which is neither condescending nor out of their understanding. In giving teens honest answers, the choice to decide what is best for them, and using slang terms that they may have heard on school grounds, Pardes’ book is a great opportunity for teens to understand the truths about sex and how to be safe.
March 24, 2010
Hey prof, way to assign a book that makes the librarian laugh at me. :P
I liked that the book was aggressively nonjudgmental. For example, it says straight up, though tactfully, that homosexuality is neither a choice nor hurtful to anyone, and is not wrong, no matter what anyone's religion may say.
I liked that the book was aggressively nonjudgmental. For example, it says straight up, though tactfully, that homosexuality is neither a choice nor hurtful to anyone, and is not wrong, no matter what anyone's religion may say.
Read
January 12, 2009The author has such an unusual name...
May 11, 2013
Smart, accessible, well-researched and comprehensive. I hope every teen considering sex gets the opportunity to read this book!
April 14, 2019
Well organized and written in a straight-forward style this is a great resource for curious tweens and teens as well as their parents who may be struggling to find an easy starter to have "the talk." I loved that this book was not preachy or biased - it just laid out facts and answered questions about anatomy, gender identity, and the act itself. It also tackled many myths surrounding sex. This book is all about empowering young people with unbiased information so that they can make an informed decision that is best for them.
Read
April 22, 2022I have a picture of me holding this book up as a "joke" at the book store, and then actually entering a consent on a site, where I won the book. I wish I could remember the website or that I still had the book.
May 7, 2016
This is the first sex education book for adolescents that I have ever read. Sex is the biological function shared by every human that probably has the most hangups associated with it. The rules are very complicated about who should know what and who should pretend to not know what and who should be embarrassed to admit to doing what that everyone does and so forth. As complicated as the rules are and as silly as so many of them are I have still observed some of them. One of them is that postadolescents are supposed to keep knowledge of sex from children and even adolescents and when it is not possible to deny that the knowledge already exists the rule is that the postadolesent is to be condescending and judgmental toward the child or adolescent. This book is intended to be one for sex education, so I did expect that some knowledge would be provided, but I also expected at least some of that condescention and judgmentalism. There wasn't any to my relief. There was also no attempt to be less than explicit. The author simply discussed various sexual practices and explained what the dangers are with each and then said that it is the choice of the person who is going to do it or not and that whatever choice is made is okay. There was no do this don't do that attitude. Furthermore, I expected the use of only clinical terminology. While there was plenty of clinical terminology the author did not shy away from slang and vernacular either. She acknowledged that slang is always changing and so did not get heavily into it. That would have outdated the book upon publication since slang changes so rapidly, but she was not above so-called dirty talk even though I did notice that at least one of the most common words that has been around the longest and starts with an F was absent. That word is not glaringly absent though. It is hardly noticeable that it is not there. On the whole I have positive feelings about this book.
However, it is not perfect either. Not all sexual practices were mentioned and one practice that is absent is sado-masochism. That is fine though. The book is not long and it would not be possible to include everything there is about sex and I would not have even noticed the absence of sado-masochism except for something else toward the end of the book that I did disagree with. I only mention sado-masochism because its existence illustrates that sex and violence are not mutually exclusive.
The one little thing toward the end of the book that I had a disagreement about was the flat statement that rape is not a sexual act, but that it is an act of violence as if an act cannot be both sexual and violent. That is a very conventional view that I hear commonly, but I still disagree with it. I mean that if a man gets an erection then there must be something sexy going on in his mind. That does not deny that it is violent and it does not deny that it is extremely unethical. But if it was not sexual then it could not be distinguished from simple assault. There is a reason for speaking about assault and sexual assault as separate kinds of acts. If someone forces a sex act on another person then that is an unethical act in the extreme, but it is still a sex act. It's just that the perpetrator doesn't care that it is unethical.
Another point of disagreement is when the author states that a person cannot consent to sex when drunk. The trouble with that is that drunkenness comes in degrees, so we have to know just how drunk we are talking about. If the person is passed out then consent is certainly not possible and it is likely that consent would not be meaningful if the person is just short of passing out, but to say that consent is not possible based on the mere fact of drunkenness without considering degree is a bit extreme.
Considering the book as a whole, though, those are very minor flaws and I felt good about the book as a whole and I am glad that it was not what I was expecting.
However, it is not perfect either. Not all sexual practices were mentioned and one practice that is absent is sado-masochism. That is fine though. The book is not long and it would not be possible to include everything there is about sex and I would not have even noticed the absence of sado-masochism except for something else toward the end of the book that I did disagree with. I only mention sado-masochism because its existence illustrates that sex and violence are not mutually exclusive.
The one little thing toward the end of the book that I had a disagreement about was the flat statement that rape is not a sexual act, but that it is an act of violence as if an act cannot be both sexual and violent. That is a very conventional view that I hear commonly, but I still disagree with it. I mean that if a man gets an erection then there must be something sexy going on in his mind. That does not deny that it is violent and it does not deny that it is extremely unethical. But if it was not sexual then it could not be distinguished from simple assault. There is a reason for speaking about assault and sexual assault as separate kinds of acts. If someone forces a sex act on another person then that is an unethical act in the extreme, but it is still a sex act. It's just that the perpetrator doesn't care that it is unethical.
Another point of disagreement is when the author states that a person cannot consent to sex when drunk. The trouble with that is that drunkenness comes in degrees, so we have to know just how drunk we are talking about. If the person is passed out then consent is certainly not possible and it is likely that consent would not be meaningful if the person is just short of passing out, but to say that consent is not possible based on the mere fact of drunkenness without considering degree is a bit extreme.
Considering the book as a whole, though, those are very minor flaws and I felt good about the book as a whole and I am glad that it was not what I was expecting.
November 26, 2012
Reviewed by Me for TeensReadToo.com
Bronwen Pardes, a sexual-health educator, has put together a truly informative book for teens--both male and female--on sex and sexuality. Using her years of teaching as a background, Ms. Pardes provides information that many teens want to know, but are too embarrassed to ask about.
Subjects include:
What is Sex?
The Lowdown on Down Below: Reproductive Anatomy
Puberty
Am I Ready?
No Glove, No Love: Protecting Against STDs
Planning, Not Parenthood: Birth Control
Doing It Right
Adam and Eve, or Adam and Steve?: Sexual Orientation
Boys Will Be Boys...or Will They?: Transgender and Intersex
DIY: Masturbation
Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite: Sexually Transmitted Diseases
What the Heck Does That Mean?: Some Definitions
Oh is for Orgasm
Rape and Sexual Abuse
Where Can I Go for More Information?: A Resource Guide
This is an informative, highly intelligent look at a teen's changing body, sexuality, and actual physical intimacy. However, it's very frank in language and the information it gives, so parents may want to read DOING IT RIGHT themselves before discussing it with their teens. For fact-based information, though, this is a wonderful guide for those going through adolescence and wondering about what all the changes in their bodies means, and especially for those contemplating having sex for the first time.
Bronwen Pardes, a sexual-health educator, has put together a truly informative book for teens--both male and female--on sex and sexuality. Using her years of teaching as a background, Ms. Pardes provides information that many teens want to know, but are too embarrassed to ask about.
Subjects include:
What is Sex?
The Lowdown on Down Below: Reproductive Anatomy
Puberty
Am I Ready?
No Glove, No Love: Protecting Against STDs
Planning, Not Parenthood: Birth Control
Doing It Right
Adam and Eve, or Adam and Steve?: Sexual Orientation
Boys Will Be Boys...or Will They?: Transgender and Intersex
DIY: Masturbation
Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite: Sexually Transmitted Diseases
What the Heck Does That Mean?: Some Definitions
Oh is for Orgasm
Rape and Sexual Abuse
Where Can I Go for More Information?: A Resource Guide
This is an informative, highly intelligent look at a teen's changing body, sexuality, and actual physical intimacy. However, it's very frank in language and the information it gives, so parents may want to read DOING IT RIGHT themselves before discussing it with their teens. For fact-based information, though, this is a wonderful guide for those going through adolescence and wondering about what all the changes in their bodies means, and especially for those contemplating having sex for the first time.
May 6, 2009
Sex positive sex ed. Approachable and inclusive info about where things are, demystifying slang terminology, safer sex, orgasm (yes! in a teen sex ed book!), rape and abuse -- plus separate chapters devoted to what it means to be queer in terms of sexuality and/or queer in terms of gender (that is TWO SEPARATE CHAPTERS instead of all lumped together under "LGBTQI" -- nice).
With emphasis on feeling strong and normal enough to make and feel good about your own choices.
With emphasis on feeling strong and normal enough to make and feel good about your own choices.
February 13, 2009
This is already Elle's favorite book and I'm sure that when she can actually read it, it will help her make smart, safe and satisfying choices about sex. It was helpful to know how I actually got pregnant - who knew?
October 5, 2012
I read over half of it for a class where we compared different sex-ed books geared towards young adults. This one is very much NOT judgmental -- author makes a point of presenting the facts and then respecting the various decisions the actual young adult reader makes. Very very well done.
November 14, 2012
Not really a like or dislike. It is well-researched, frank, and un-gendered (!), something that sex-ed tends to forget about. All adolescents and adults should be aware of their bodies and the spectrum of "normal," whether or not sex is an immediate plan.
July 2, 2009
An outstanding must-read for both kids and parents. Age appropriate sexual education for all kids!
November 17, 2013
Educational. Should be taught, not squirreled away.
November 1, 2014
Ducimus corporis quaerat molestias qui mollitia sunt quo. Quos maiores enim excepturi alias eos. Facilis id officiis et non in. Rerum praesentium eum.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews