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Letters from Women Who Love Too Much: A Closer Look at Relationship Addiction and Recovery
The author comments on letters received in response to her previous book, "Women Who Love Too Much," and provides a further analysis of women who repeatedly find themselves attracted to unsuitable men
352 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1988
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
September 10, 2021
I have had this on the shelf for two decades and finally got around to reading it. The book and its predecessor were read by countless women back in the day. This one did not stand the test of time.
Norwood worked for several years as a therapist and by her accounts had entered into a 12-step program as a consequence of her personal recovery needs. This book seems to be an ongoing rant about three issues: that the author can ONLY speak to the needs of heterosexual white women who are involved in unhappy and unpleasant and unfulfilling relationships with men who often have addictions of their own, that all of these women should go to 12-step programs, preferably AA or AlAnon, and that she had to quit her job as a therapist because she could not stomach charging for her time when she got her recovery in a 12-step program for free.
To the first issue: A good therapist doesn't need to identify with every issue experienced by her client. She needs to have compassion, to understand the processes of suffering, to recognize pain, and to be able to aid the client in the path through that pain into a better state of being. Is she saying that only kids can counsel kids, or that people of different races are of no use to others who are not of that race, or that women can't help men or men can't help women? That is very dismissive. She is focusing on the content of the situation rather than the process of sickness and recovery. I once had a therapist tell me that she wanted referrals for married women of a certain educational standing and a certain income bracket. Anyone that limited in scope probably shouldn't be seeing anyone; if all she wants to do is look in a mirror she has one at home.
To the second issue, that everyone should go to AA or AlAnon or Relationships Anonymous: Not everyone fits. To benefit, one must, in the language of the oldtimers, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. In other words, shut up and listen. People who are going to these groups benefit by working steps, not by talking about their personal view of their mess. She made no effort to explain WHY a person should go to meetings or WHAT the process was once one got there. She also says that the counselors should be in the meetings as evidence of that shared suffering. I once worked with a counselor back in the 80's who, although in recovery from her alcoholism, went out and tried cocaine to see what all the hoopla was about. Do I really have to be raped to talk to a rape victim? Shoot heroin, go to jail, be held hostage, have schizophrenia, or lose my kids in a divorce to be able to say that I have the skills to help someone who has been through something like any of those things? That is really selling the profession short, kinda like saying that if I work at IHOP I have to eat pancakes every day. And I did go to an AlAnon meeting where the topic offered up for discussion was, "Why we hate men," which I found hilarious and stunning. There are good meetings and there are sick meetings and Norwood failed to identify how to tell the difference. Finding a good meeting is work.
Maybe it's the phrasing. Love has to do with contributing to someone else's spiritual growth. Maybe it should have been "Letters from women who are kinda ok in dysfunctional relationships as long as they can blame the dysfunction on that other person."
And as to that working for free business, the cook at the restaurant last night charged for his services. The guy who inspected my car charged for his skills. To say that a therapist has to work for free because AA was freely given, well, there are a lot of other things going on in treatment than "We admitted we were powerless over people, places, and things outside ourselves, and our lives had become unmanageable..." She did write a book that got her a lot of money so she could leave work and she did charge for speaking engagements and when one gives advice to people when one isn't in a structured counseling relationship then he or she can lose their license because that violates the code of ethics and the mental health code all over the place.
My biggest problem with Norwood's books are that they aren't based on research or fact, just supposition and old wives's tales. There is zero evidence that battered children always grow up to be abusers themselves, or that kids of alcoholics grow up to be just like mom or dad that way. Her stuff about the kinds of jobs people end up in depending on their pathology is just silly. I work with a lot of parents who tell me that they think about what their parent would do and then do a 180, or who have worked to learn the skills their parents didn't have or didn't know they needed.
Norwood mentions that she has gone through several divorces, lost her kids in a custody case, and gave up her professional license. She doesn't say what gives her the skills, experience, or authority to tell others how to heal. Admitting we were powerless is a door to freedom as long as it isn't used as a gateway to martyrdom. She doesn't lay out her paths very well.
Norwood worked for several years as a therapist and by her accounts had entered into a 12-step program as a consequence of her personal recovery needs. This book seems to be an ongoing rant about three issues: that the author can ONLY speak to the needs of heterosexual white women who are involved in unhappy and unpleasant and unfulfilling relationships with men who often have addictions of their own, that all of these women should go to 12-step programs, preferably AA or AlAnon, and that she had to quit her job as a therapist because she could not stomach charging for her time when she got her recovery in a 12-step program for free.
To the first issue: A good therapist doesn't need to identify with every issue experienced by her client. She needs to have compassion, to understand the processes of suffering, to recognize pain, and to be able to aid the client in the path through that pain into a better state of being. Is she saying that only kids can counsel kids, or that people of different races are of no use to others who are not of that race, or that women can't help men or men can't help women? That is very dismissive. She is focusing on the content of the situation rather than the process of sickness and recovery. I once had a therapist tell me that she wanted referrals for married women of a certain educational standing and a certain income bracket. Anyone that limited in scope probably shouldn't be seeing anyone; if all she wants to do is look in a mirror she has one at home.
To the second issue, that everyone should go to AA or AlAnon or Relationships Anonymous: Not everyone fits. To benefit, one must, in the language of the oldtimers, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. In other words, shut up and listen. People who are going to these groups benefit by working steps, not by talking about their personal view of their mess. She made no effort to explain WHY a person should go to meetings or WHAT the process was once one got there. She also says that the counselors should be in the meetings as evidence of that shared suffering. I once worked with a counselor back in the 80's who, although in recovery from her alcoholism, went out and tried cocaine to see what all the hoopla was about. Do I really have to be raped to talk to a rape victim? Shoot heroin, go to jail, be held hostage, have schizophrenia, or lose my kids in a divorce to be able to say that I have the skills to help someone who has been through something like any of those things? That is really selling the profession short, kinda like saying that if I work at IHOP I have to eat pancakes every day. And I did go to an AlAnon meeting where the topic offered up for discussion was, "Why we hate men," which I found hilarious and stunning. There are good meetings and there are sick meetings and Norwood failed to identify how to tell the difference. Finding a good meeting is work.
Maybe it's the phrasing. Love has to do with contributing to someone else's spiritual growth. Maybe it should have been "Letters from women who are kinda ok in dysfunctional relationships as long as they can blame the dysfunction on that other person."
And as to that working for free business, the cook at the restaurant last night charged for his services. The guy who inspected my car charged for his skills. To say that a therapist has to work for free because AA was freely given, well, there are a lot of other things going on in treatment than "We admitted we were powerless over people, places, and things outside ourselves, and our lives had become unmanageable..." She did write a book that got her a lot of money so she could leave work and she did charge for speaking engagements and when one gives advice to people when one isn't in a structured counseling relationship then he or she can lose their license because that violates the code of ethics and the mental health code all over the place.
My biggest problem with Norwood's books are that they aren't based on research or fact, just supposition and old wives's tales. There is zero evidence that battered children always grow up to be abusers themselves, or that kids of alcoholics grow up to be just like mom or dad that way. Her stuff about the kinds of jobs people end up in depending on their pathology is just silly. I work with a lot of parents who tell me that they think about what their parent would do and then do a 180, or who have worked to learn the skills their parents didn't have or didn't know they needed.
Norwood mentions that she has gone through several divorces, lost her kids in a custody case, and gave up her professional license. She doesn't say what gives her the skills, experience, or authority to tell others how to heal. Admitting we were powerless is a door to freedom as long as it isn't used as a gateway to martyrdom. She doesn't lay out her paths very well.
April 27, 2025
Le doy 3 estrellas por el constante uso de la palabra enfermedad y no trastorno, que para muchos será lo mismo pero no es así, y por la repetitiva y constante referencia a Dios como fuente de salvación. Entiendo su época y su contexto, pero actualmente se ha avanzado mucho como para seguir hablando de enfermedad, como si fuesen cuestiones intratables y degenerativas, así como para afirmar que ningún terapeuta puede ayudar a estas personas, solo otros grupos de "enfermos", afirmaciones más que cuestionables y que en nada ayudan a las personas que están pasando por situaciones así a pedir ayuda.
May 2, 2016
A good addition to the book "women who love too much" from Robin Norwood, discussing letters from readers thematically.
March 5, 2024
I picked this up in the library last minute..thinking it was something else along the lines of love letters of famous historical women. But actually if id glanced at it i don't think i would have borrowed it. However I'm really glad i did, even though i haven't read the original book that these letters refer too.
February 3, 2019
It took me a while to process this book, but it was worth it. Though I don't particularly like the expression "women who love too much" and I honestly have nothing to do with the people who kindly bring this volume to life with their letters, I definitely learnt a lot and finally understood SO MANY things and behaviours I previously found so unexplicable. Thank you, Robin, for increasing my level of comprehension for others who have different life stories from me :)
Note: I actually read the Italian translation of the book and found it really bad. Not recommended!
Note: I actually read the Italian translation of the book and found it really bad. Not recommended!
June 23, 2025
es muy bueno, me dejo en un bloqueo por un buen tiempo, haciendo que lo abandonara un poco por lo largo que eran algunos casos, pero me parece muy buen libro aparte de que cada capitulo tiene mas de treinta paginas 🧘🏻♀️
July 1, 2025
Es un libro bastante útil para analizar la tendencia de conductas autodestructivas en mujeres. Aunque es hacia las últimas páginas donde se ofrecen ideas y herramientas concretas de autoayuda, puede resultar valioso para aquellas que se encuentran —o se han encontrado— en situaciones similares a las relatadas.
Sin embargo, considero que tiende a ser redundante. A pesar de que su propósito es brindar una ayuda genuina, discrepo con la forma en que aborda ciertos temas, ya que reduce problemáticas profundas como la codependencia emocional, los ciclos de autosabotaje, la idealización del amor romántico, la baja autoestima, las heridas emocionales y los traumas no resueltos, a una sola ideología simplista: “amar demasiado”.
Partamos desde una premisa esencial: el amor no daña. Puede doler, sí, pero no destruye. Lo que muchas de las mujeres del libro experimentaron no fue amor, sino obsesión, vacío emocional y patrones dañinos aprendidos. El texto hace un uso bastante deficiente del concepto de “amor”, utilizándolo como paraguas para comportamientos que en realidad responden a problemáticas emocionales graves.
Además, hay relatos donde las mujeres no “amaron demasiado”, sino todo lo contrario: maltrataron o abandonaron a hombres que claramente las querían y las trataban bien. Incluso hay casos en los que mujeres que supuestamente “amaban demasiado” abandonaron a sus propios hijos. Esto no es amor exacerbado, es dolor no resuelto.
Sin afán de juzgarlas —porque muchas atravesaron circunstancias extremadamente difíciles—, la crítica se dirige a la forma simplista en la que el libro interpreta sus historias. Si se replanteara el uso del concepto “amor” y se distinguieran con mayor precisión los distintos problemas emocionales presentes, el libro podría aportar herramientas aún más sólidas para el crecimiento personal de muchas mujeres.
Vale la pena leerlo, sin duda, pero con mirada crítica. Solo tengamos en cuenta que no todo lo que duele es amor, y no todo lo que se hace por miedo o por vacío debe ser romantizado.
Sin embargo, considero que tiende a ser redundante. A pesar de que su propósito es brindar una ayuda genuina, discrepo con la forma en que aborda ciertos temas, ya que reduce problemáticas profundas como la codependencia emocional, los ciclos de autosabotaje, la idealización del amor romántico, la baja autoestima, las heridas emocionales y los traumas no resueltos, a una sola ideología simplista: “amar demasiado”.
Partamos desde una premisa esencial: el amor no daña. Puede doler, sí, pero no destruye. Lo que muchas de las mujeres del libro experimentaron no fue amor, sino obsesión, vacío emocional y patrones dañinos aprendidos. El texto hace un uso bastante deficiente del concepto de “amor”, utilizándolo como paraguas para comportamientos que en realidad responden a problemáticas emocionales graves.
Además, hay relatos donde las mujeres no “amaron demasiado”, sino todo lo contrario: maltrataron o abandonaron a hombres que claramente las querían y las trataban bien. Incluso hay casos en los que mujeres que supuestamente “amaban demasiado” abandonaron a sus propios hijos. Esto no es amor exacerbado, es dolor no resuelto.
Sin afán de juzgarlas —porque muchas atravesaron circunstancias extremadamente difíciles—, la crítica se dirige a la forma simplista en la que el libro interpreta sus historias. Si se replanteara el uso del concepto “amor” y se distinguieran con mayor precisión los distintos problemas emocionales presentes, el libro podría aportar herramientas aún más sólidas para el crecimiento personal de muchas mujeres.
Vale la pena leerlo, sin duda, pero con mirada crítica. Solo tengamos en cuenta que no todo lo que duele es amor, y no todo lo que se hace por miedo o por vacío debe ser romantizado.
January 7, 2025
Foi a minha primeira grande leitura em castelhano, recomendada por uma amiga num formato “olha, tenho este livro por aqui, queres ler?”. Achei muito aborrecido no princípio, até porque há muitas referências a um livro anterior e eu não o havia lido também. No decorrer da leitura, apaixonei-me por muitas cartas, outras nem tanto. Acho que falta um pouco de evidência científica. Muita opinião, mas pouca evidência. Contido, essa opinião e até algumas reflexões da autora não deixam de ser engraçadas.
Tenho dificuldade em lembrar-me de muito do que li, mas retenho muitas comparações feitas entre a dependência do amor e outros tipos de dependências e vícios.
E que, principalmente, o amor nas suas diferentes formas deve ser tendencialmente feliz e que a vida é mesmo um resultado da maioria das escolhas que fazemos.
4/5 ⭐️ não pela narrativa em si, que se torna um pouco aborrecida, mas pela reflexão profunda que me permitiu ter e pelo desenvolvimento da língua espanhola que tive no decorrer da leitura que, de facto, tem uma linguagem muito simples.
Tenho dificuldade em lembrar-me de muito do que li, mas retenho muitas comparações feitas entre a dependência do amor e outros tipos de dependências e vícios.
E que, principalmente, o amor nas suas diferentes formas deve ser tendencialmente feliz e que a vida é mesmo um resultado da maioria das escolhas que fazemos.
4/5 ⭐️ não pela narrativa em si, que se torna um pouco aborrecida, mas pela reflexão profunda que me permitiu ter e pelo desenvolvimento da língua espanhola que tive no decorrer da leitura que, de facto, tem uma linguagem muito simples.
October 27, 2023
I don't know if I would recommend this book to anyone, but I'm also happy that I read it.
Main critic would be that it holds a very binary and old fashioned vision of relationships, but that was written few decades ago let's say.
Also, talking about "loving too much" while describing addictive behaviours, hyper control or emotional dependency does not always sound right, it is demeaning the real psychological issues.
This is not a self-help book about relationships, but mostly an overview of several persons going through therapy because of issue in their relationships related to alcoholism, domestic violence and drugs addictions. For anyone that grew up in this kind of environment and feel that this is impacting their emotional life, this book highlights a lot of interesting point that can help anyone understanding better addictive behaviours and how we unconsciously cope with it and also how we can improve and take responsibility for some of our unconscious decisions.
Main critic would be that it holds a very binary and old fashioned vision of relationships, but that was written few decades ago let's say.
Also, talking about "loving too much" while describing addictive behaviours, hyper control or emotional dependency does not always sound right, it is demeaning the real psychological issues.
This is not a self-help book about relationships, but mostly an overview of several persons going through therapy because of issue in their relationships related to alcoholism, domestic violence and drugs addictions. For anyone that grew up in this kind of environment and feel that this is impacting their emotional life, this book highlights a lot of interesting point that can help anyone understanding better addictive behaviours and how we unconsciously cope with it and also how we can improve and take responsibility for some of our unconscious decisions.
December 9, 2024
Si bien, este libro es el primero relacionado al desarrollo personal que leo, no puedo negar que me dejo una impresión profunda. Es cierto que puede resultar un tanto pesado al principio, especialmente si no estas acostumbrado a este tipo de lecturas, sin embargo, la cantidad de información que ofrece y los testimonios que presenta la autora son realmente valiosos.
Durante mi proceso de lectura, que admito fue más largo de lo que me gustaría, pude identificar a muchas mujeres que aman demasiado en mi entorno. Esto fue lo que más me gusto del libro, pues me permitió reconocer patrones de comportamiento en mi misma y en otras personas, y me brindo la oportunidad de ver mi vida desde otra perspectiva.
Sin duda "Las mujeres que aman demasiado" me ha motivado a empezar a trabajar en mi autoestima y a tomar las riendas de mi vida.
Aunque no lo considero un libro perfecto, sí lo recomiendo a cualquier mujer que este buscando un cambio positivo en sus relaciones.
Durante mi proceso de lectura, que admito fue más largo de lo que me gustaría, pude identificar a muchas mujeres que aman demasiado en mi entorno. Esto fue lo que más me gusto del libro, pues me permitió reconocer patrones de comportamiento en mi misma y en otras personas, y me brindo la oportunidad de ver mi vida desde otra perspectiva.
Sin duda "Las mujeres que aman demasiado" me ha motivado a empezar a trabajar en mi autoestima y a tomar las riendas de mi vida.
Aunque no lo considero un libro perfecto, sí lo recomiendo a cualquier mujer que este buscando un cambio positivo en sus relaciones.
February 18, 2025
Este libro es una lectura difícil, pero necesaria. Expone numerosos casos de mujeres y nos invita a reflexionar sobre nuestras relaciones, identificando patrones dañinos. ¿Quién no ha vivido una relación tóxica, aceptado menos de lo que merece o incluso adoptado esos mismos comportamientos?
Desde el inicio, resalta la importancia de la infancia en la forma en que nos relacionamos. El amor propio es clave: cuando nos conocemos y valoramos, no aceptamos menos de lo que merecemos. También nos recuerda la importancia de ser auténticas y no buscar la aprobación de otros.
El cambio solo ocurre cuando alguien toma conciencia y decide transformar su vida. La mejor manera de apoyar a alguien en una relación tóxica es escuchar sin juzgar ni dar consejos.
Este libro nos enseña que siempre podemos mejorar. Nuestras experiencias no nos definen, pero sí nuestra decisión de aprender y crecer.
Desde el inicio, resalta la importancia de la infancia en la forma en que nos relacionamos. El amor propio es clave: cuando nos conocemos y valoramos, no aceptamos menos de lo que merecemos. También nos recuerda la importancia de ser auténticas y no buscar la aprobación de otros.
El cambio solo ocurre cuando alguien toma conciencia y decide transformar su vida. La mejor manera de apoyar a alguien en una relación tóxica es escuchar sin juzgar ni dar consejos.
Este libro nos enseña que siempre podemos mejorar. Nuestras experiencias no nos definen, pero sí nuestra decisión de aprender y crecer.
July 6, 2025
Una absoluta sorpresa. Lo tenía conmigo desde hacía siglos, desde mi juventud con mal de amores y ahora lo leí con la intención de deshacerme de él una vez leído. Y qué equivocada estaba... tras ese título horrible hay un libro destinado a tratar los problemas de la adicción, en especial a las relaciones de pareja, pero como consecuencia de otros patrones disfuncionales, el más frecuente de los cuales el alcoholismo. Curiosa sobre los programas de 12 pasos, iniciados por Alcohólicos Anónimos, pero que se están aplicando a otros problemas, normalmente en el ámbito de la terapia familiar (lo sé por la prensa polaca). Y, finalmente, el énfasis en los grupos de apoyo y las referencias a la espiritualidad me han hecho ver puntos de coincidencia con otras tradiciones espirituales, más concretamente el budismo, que es la que ahora tengo más cercana
August 31, 2024
Este libro merece una calificación de 3.5/5 estrellas. Me conmovieron profundamente las diferentes historias de mujeres que, enfrentando grandes desafíos, mostraron la complejidad de permanecer en relaciones marcadas por el maltrato. La autora nos ofrece una mirada psicológica profunda que nos ayuda a comprender por qué estas situaciones ocurren, revelando las capas emocionales y mentales que influyen en estas decisiones. Aunque considero que habría sido valioso contar con croquis y preguntas que facilitaran un análisis más detallado de los casos, en términos generales, fue una obra enriquecedora y bien lograda.
October 18, 2024
Ho sicuramente preferito “Donne che amano troppo”: in questa “seconda parte”, in cui l’autrice raccoglie alcune lettere ricevute dopo la pubblicazione del primo libro, determinati concetti sono ripetuti molte volte, per carità repetita iuvant però un pochino annoia.
Ho amato moltissimo la parte in cui la Norwood risponde alla domanda di una lettrice: che cosa è l’amore?
“Comunemente si pensa che, quanto più una persona è agitata dalle passioni, tanto più è innamorata mentre non lo si pensa di qualcuno che è sereno e tranquillo. Eppure io oggi tendo a credere che sia proprio questa la persona più innamorata.”
Ho amato moltissimo la parte in cui la Norwood risponde alla domanda di una lettrice: che cosa è l’amore?
“Comunemente si pensa che, quanto più una persona è agitata dalle passioni, tanto più è innamorata mentre non lo si pensa di qualcuno che è sereno e tranquillo. Eppure io oggi tendo a credere che sia proprio questa la persona più innamorata.”
August 15, 2025
Realmente deje el libro a la mitad, no sé si es porque no considero que el libro vaya con lo que he vivido y estoy viviendo o porque habla mucho de el lado psicológico y poco de las historias de pacientes, creo que es un libro para personas con más edad que yo y todavía no lo entiendo, pero sinceramente a mí me aburrió un poco
August 18, 2025
es un libro el cual te trata de reflejar muchos casos de mujeres que tienen esta enfermedad.
Te puedes sentir identificada y muchas veces puedes leerte a ti misma, como si hubieses sido esa paciente.
Lo recomiendo para esas mujeres que han tenido y tienen el amar demasiado, y si quieres reforzarte, leer este libro mientras vas a terapia es un plus más.
Te puedes sentir identificada y muchas veces puedes leerte a ti misma, como si hubieses sido esa paciente.
Lo recomiendo para esas mujeres que han tenido y tienen el amar demasiado, y si quieres reforzarte, leer este libro mientras vas a terapia es un plus más.
October 6, 2025
Terapia directa, te hace abrir los ojos pero considero que acompañarlo con un terapeuta es lo más indicado para no solo dejarlo en enseñanzas y de verdad trabajar los aspectos mencionados en el libro como la dependencia, el perderse en la otra persona, insuficiencia, carencias emocionales, falta de comunicación, miedos, etc.
Lo recomendaría a todas las mujeres!
Lo recomendaría a todas las mujeres!
December 29, 2024
Estuvo interesante pero no me gustó mucho que redactará toda la vida de sus pacientes, entiendo que es una psicóloga, y de hecho el libro es en parte interesante, pero cuando redacta la parte de sus pacientes no me atrapa demasiado.
February 21, 2025
Me gustó. No lo puedo juzgar demasiado porque no leí la primera parte, pero no me impidió entender esta. Algunos capítulos se me hicieron pesados y me costó sentirme identificada. Destaco sobre todo los primeros capítulos.
April 15, 2025
Questo è un libro che si dovrebbe leggere come un romanzo che ha un seguito, altrimenti non si capirebbe il senso. Non all'altezza di Donne che amano troppo, ma è sicuramente una lettura doverosa per chi è alla ricerca di risposte.
December 21, 2025
Llevaba con este libro en mi estantería literalmente 12 años. Y cuando me lo leí pensé que si lo hubiera leído en ese entonces hubiera entendido tantas cosas que me pasaban y no sabía. Pero bueno mejor tarde que nunca ✨
September 21, 2023
Grazie, ci sto provando❤️
September 23, 2024
No fue un libro para mi. Tiene algunas frases buenas, pero generaliza mucho las cosas. Como si todas vinieran del mismo contexto.
October 27, 2024
Correcto. El inicio es increíblemente util. Ya despues se vuelve MUYYYY reiterativo
January 2, 2025
Está bueno, te atrapa la lectura muy rápido y te mantiene muy interesado en el libro
January 3, 2025
Me pareció algo aburrido porque no es un libro con el que pueda identificarme, pero concuerdo con los pensamientos de la autora
January 9, 2025
Me gustó, pero se me hizo tediosa la cantidad de referencias que hacía sobre los casos de “mujeres que aman demasiado”, por eso me costó acabarlo.
January 13, 2025
ha sido un libro que me acompañó durante el proceso de una ruptura amorosa, me ha ayudado a comprender muchos comportamientos y a hacer una introspección de la forma en cómo amo.
February 27, 2025
Si tu as déjà lu le 01, pour moi ça serait suffisant !
June 9, 2025
Un poco repetitivo, es cierto que me ha gustado y he señalado muchas cosas pero se me hacía un poco pesado a veces
Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews