The Twat Files

by Dawn French

Pre-order THE TWAT FILES and be one of the first to discover the truth behind the many, many times Dawn French has been a complete twat over the last sixty years.Wanker. Git. Prick. Prat. Dick. Eejit. Plonker. Pillock. Nincompoop. Bellend. Halfwit. Dolt. Chump. Nitwit. Moron. ****wit. Simpleton. Lunatic. Dork. Numskull. Idiot.All lovely . . . but . . . nah . . . I prefer Twat.It's neat and it's accurate somehow. Because, yes, I am a Twat . . . sometimes. Aren't we all?THE TWAT FILES are my stories of the times when I've been a total, utter twat.Time and time again, I've been a massive eejit. But the more I think about it, the more I understand that the moments where I've made mistakes, misunderstood stuff and messed up are key. That's where all my learning happens and where I laugh the most.Being a twat is universal and my twatishness is no different to yours. Except perhaps, that mine has been horrifyingly public on occasion.My hope is that reading these stories of my twattishness might remind you of just what a massive twat you also are, that we might celebrate and revel in this most delightful of traits, together.'Dawn French is a wonderful writer' Daily Mail'This woman is a national treasure' Mail on SundayBe a fellow twat and pre-order THE TWAT FILES now.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Comedy, Biography, Autobiography, Humor, Memoir

386 pages, Paperback

Published October 12, 2023

About the author

Dawn Roma French is a British actress, writer and comedian. In her career spanning three decades, she has been nominated for six BAFTA Awards and also won a Fellowship BAFTA along with her best friend Jennifer Saunders. She is best-known for starring in and writing her comedy sketch show, French and Saunders, alongside her comedy partner Jennifer Saunders, and for playing the lead role of Geraldine Granger in the sitcom The Vicar of Dibley.

Reviews

[Bianca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dawn French is a British comedy legend, who's also turned to writing.
This is made up of anecdotes and recollections that involved some kind of oopsies, gaffes, blunders and accidents.
She's a delightful narrator, full of spark and personality, as you'd expect if you ever watched her on the small screen.

To paraphrase her - enjoy your twattery, lean into being a twat, it makes life more interesting.

[Bec S · Rating 3 out of 5]

Love her, though not as good as Dear Fatty. Also and this is odd, but the print and page layout killed me! Font was small and weirdly spaced, text did not fill the pages properly. This was annoying to me but probably to no one else

[Indieflower · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book of anecdotes detailing incidences where Dawn has made an absolute twat of herself. Good fun, I felt her pain and cringed along with her, a good book to dip in and out of, though I think the audible version, which is narrated by Dawn herself, would be even better.

[Terence M - [Quot libros, quam breve tempus!] · Rating 1 out of 5]

1-Star - "Did Not Finish", in fact "Did Not Start".
Given that Dawn French (and her colleague-in-humour, Jennifer Saunders) can be very funny at times, I thought this book might be amusing - it was some weeks later later that I thought about French's use of the word "twat". I think my choice of audiobook was less than astute at the time.

Professor Wikipedia says: "Twat is an English-language vulgarism which means the vulva or vagina, and is used figuratively as a derogatory epithet.

In British English, and Irish English it is a common insult referring to an obnoxious or stupid person regardless of gender; in American English, it is rarer and usually used to insult a woman.

In Britain and Ireland, the usual pronunciation rhymes with "hat", while Americans most often use the older pronunciation that rhymes with "squat". This is reflected in the former variant spelling of "twot".

I am an Aussie who regularly and quite naturally "swears", as we call 'cursing' or the use of 'coarse' or 'bad' language down here, but I have long avoided using words such as 'c*nt', 'bitch', 'douche', 'douche-bag', and all other derogatory or vulgar references to or about women. It follows, therefore that I don’t use, or like the use of ‘twat’ (or ‘twot’).

[Stephen · Rating 3 out of 5]

funny in parts but felt could of been shorter

[Polly Batchelor · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Yep, I rode a horse upside down like a proper twat."

I received as a birthday present from mum. It wasn't on my radial to read. I decided to read on the same day on my way to Ely. I was chuckling all the way and I was even reading bits and pieces out loud to mum. These snippets just reminded me of mum's own scenarios. My sister has been writing these down for years of mums mad moments. One day to give to her as a book or to be used one day at her funeral.

'Twat Files' is hilarious. I will definitely need to read more of Dawn's books. I have watched her on tv for years but until now for one of her books. i didn't like how much space was in the book, it felt like it could have been half the size, if the spacing was smaller. However, if you are someone who annotates, this is perfect- the type of paper (on hardback), spacing!!! There is a lot of room to react. I have never wanted to annotate before but I felt tempted as soon as I was looking through the book.

[Craig and Phil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dawn French is a self confessed twat!
A funny twat.
A very very funny twat.
And The Twat Files is a very funny and honest book.
A book full of mishaps, memories and hilarious situations that will tickle your funny bone.
Dawn is a national treasure and her talent and uniqueness makes her one of the world’s most stand out comedians.
She believes that there’s a bit of twat in us all and we should embrace it.
It’s witty, candid as she picks out some of those moments when she feels like she has been a twat and at times embarrassed herself.
Raw, personal and emotional, it’s one that highlights her messy behaviour, in a good way and welcomes her unfortunate circumstances.
A book that’s a reminder not to take yourself and life so seriously and laugh at yourself, it’s good everyday medicine.

[Elle Norris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I’m not one for autobiographies in general which I think is why I loved this collection of formative moments from Dawn French. It felt like sitting down with a cup of tea or a glass of wine and giggling with a friend. I genuinely laughed out loud throughout this whole book. I intend to celebrate my twat moments from now on! Dawn French is an absolute icon!

[Elizabeth Northcote-Smith · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF ily Dawn but I draw the line at continuing to read a book that starts a sentence with "anyhoo"

[Creedling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to it as an audiobook, which might be the best way to experience it. Delightful listening, I found myself laughing out loud on the underground multiple times.

[Michelle Cornelius · Rating 3 out of 5]

Actually rate this book 2.5 stars.

There were some laugh out loud moments in the book but I was largely disappointed… Dawn does come across as the title suggests….a Twat! That’s fine as we can all be guilty of this but in some of the stories I felt she was rather childish and moody and more than a little like her character on the French and Saunders Show.

It was a quick book to read as the font is spread out over the pages, even with this though I was very tempted many times to DNF it, I ploughed on through in the hope it would get better but alas….NO!

Shame really, I didn’t feel the book was an account of Twatty moments, more of a real insight into who Dawn really is and not the persona that is shown to the world.

[Fictionatnight · Rating 4 out of 5]

At the beginning of this year, @bookstabrits Book Club decided to choose a different genre to read every month. This month is 'Non-Fiction January' and the group have chosen to read The Twat Files by Dawn French.

Some of you know that Dawn French is a British actress, comedian, presenter and author. Best known for her role in the comedy series French and Saunders and playing the lead role of Geraldine Granger in the BBC sitcom The Vicar of Dibley. 

The Twat Files is a heartwarming and funny collection of Dawn French’s best moments as a total twat. A collection of embarrassing mishaps, which happen to her over the years. 

A hilarious listen and a reminder not to take yourself and life so seriously. I am glad I chose the audiobook instead of buying the book. It felt like Dawn French was personally telling me her stories. I just needed to make sure I wasn’t laughing out loud while I was out and about.

[Suzisue13 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolute corker of a read, made me smile, made me cringe and made me laugh out loud. Mostly though it made me realise how those mistakes, faux pas and stupid decisions every single one of us make is ok. All are just part of who we are, our journey, our life. Let's embrace the Twat in all of us, cos as much as we would like to think there isn't one.... there damn well is 😉😂🤣

[Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I pretty much inhaled this in one sitting as it was so much fun to read. French talks about all the times in her life and career where she's said or done the wrong thing and ended up feeling like or looking like a complete tw*t. Utterly entertaining and partly relatable, this memoir shows that even celebs make mistakes and aren't always totally in control of their speech.

[Grainne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thought this would be gas but it was actually a bit silly and cringe

[Rebecca Tait · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rtc

[Karen Gallaher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely brilliant by my favourite twat!

[Julia]

I laughed a lot, audio version recommended

[Victoria White · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short, fun, feel-good, easy-read book.
Listened on audio and loved that it was Dawn herself reading it and the sound effects!

[Rachel Harrold · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF

[Anna Gibson · Rating 4 out of 5]

listened with my mum in the car and she giggled every time the word twat was said <3

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

First book I’ve read that finishes with the line “twats rule”

[Katie Rankine · Rating 3 out of 5]

a quick funny read! great if your a fan!

[Lisa Maynard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is wonderful. It makes me want to write my own list of all the twatish things I've done but I don't have a spare year and I'll never not be a twat anyway. These little stories about all the times she's behaved like a twat are amazing because they properly make you cringe for her, or think about when you've done the same. She has a whole chapter on times she's peed herself. She writes about being bigheaded, self-important, embarrassing, and so on. I painfully relate to loads of them but she makes it all seem hilarious.

Because being a twat is bound up in shame, as she also acknowledges, it must be very freeing to admit to them all, even though it's embarrassing. I hope I can do the same one day!

[Philippa En · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoy Dawn French's writing very much, and her style is light and funny as always. There were, though, a lot of anecdotes that I'd heard before on her podcast with Jennifer Saunders, so I found myself skipping through sections of the book.

She also talks about how much she loves JK Rowling - a shame, given that JK is leading a hate campaign against one of the most marginalised groups in society.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I imagine that the print version of this book is very funny. The audiobook, narrated by Dawn herself (with fab little musical interludes inbetween chapters), is hysterical. It was just like having her in the room, relating her funny anecdotes just to me. A joy to listen to.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

21.03.2024

Love Dawn French and have loved hearing about her most cringe moments! As always, the audiobook was really great and engaging, and felt like a friend sharing gossip over coffee. I also really loved the wholesome note it ended on

[Emma · Rating 1 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook after gifting my mom the physical book for Christmas. I owe her a present. Dull.

[Tim Goldsmith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Open, honest & self-deprecatingly, Dawn French takes her readers through a hit list of those moments in her life when she has acted like an absolute "Tw*t". In the first instance, the book works because Dawn is a great story teller, who can trawl through those embarrassing stories with no concern that she is the punchline of them all.
Often amusing, Dawn also takes moments to own occasions when her behaviour has been detrimental to others, or where her foolishness is not just funny, but required her to take a stern look at herself and reassess her values.
With a deft touch, Dawn takes a moment at the end of this book to encourage her listeners to take themselves a little less seriously. When we all acknowledge our own foibles, we'll find ourselves more likely to be generous & thoughtful toward others when they let us down.
Whether you're looking for a funny biography, or a touching memoir, this delivers on both fronts!

[Lisa Whittaker · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best things about my new job is the fact that even though I work longer hours, I actually have more time. Sounds mad I know but I’m in the car for about 50 minutes a day now so a good opportunity to listen to an audio book. I borrowed this from BorrowBox and it had me howling with laughter on my journey to and from work. Narrated by Dawn French definitely made it such a fantastic “read”. She is utterly brilliant as is this book! If you want a book that will make you laugh out loud then this is it AND to make it that bit more entertaining, listen to it on audio! You won’t be disappointed. A fabulous five stars from me!