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A Dance with the Devil
Her marriage to retired Navy admiral John Perry seemed almost too good to be true. Because it was? At the start of her relationship with the intelligent and worldly John Perry, Barbara Bentley couldn?t believe her luck?so when things didn?t add up, she struggled to ignore her doubts. She kept trying to put the pieces together?unaware that some of them were simply missing. Even as he drained her credit, dodged her questions, manipulated her and misled her, she stayed with him, suppressing her growing suspicions. Ultimately he would try to kill her, proving himself not a protector and provider, but a predator. This is Barbara's courageous, compelling story, in her own words?of the slow, choking darkness that fell after the honeymoon was over, what it took to finally drive her to escape and start her life anew, and her tireless efforts to protect other women and help them learn from her example.
384 pages, ebook
First published January 1, 2008
47 people are currently reading
557 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews
January 18, 2016
This is the tale of a woman who married a man who appeared to be the perfect catch......money, background, education, winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor, multi-lingual and friend to celebrities. Too good to be true?.....you bet. A con man of the first order, her took her money and her pride and tried to take her life. Now doesn't that sound like something that might hold your attention?
No, no, no!!!! If you are not an author or have no talent for writing, do not attempt to tell your true experiences in a book......get someone else to write it for you. Even if the story needs told, is interesting, and would be spellbinding to read, as this book could have been, there is no excuse for bad writing, bad grammar, and content that is included to pad out the number of pages or is otherwise superfluous and boring. When errors start showing up about ten pages in, you know you are in trouble and that it will be a chore to finish. Trust me, it was.
No, no, no!!!! If you are not an author or have no talent for writing, do not attempt to tell your true experiences in a book......get someone else to write it for you. Even if the story needs told, is interesting, and would be spellbinding to read, as this book could have been, there is no excuse for bad writing, bad grammar, and content that is included to pad out the number of pages or is otherwise superfluous and boring. When errors start showing up about ten pages in, you know you are in trouble and that it will be a chore to finish. Trust me, it was.
October 27, 2011
A non-serial-killing psychopath? The hell you say!
This is the story of Barbara Bentley and her relationship with John Perry, a manipulative psychopath who drained her emotionally and financially over the course of their marriage. When it seemed she was finally catching on to his lies, he tried to kill her - possibly more than once - and ultimately served 18 months of a five year sentence for attempted murder. During and after his incarceration, Barbara fought for a divorce that would not leave her penniless, or giving half of all her possessions to the man convicted of trying to kill her. This battle caused her to become an advocate for victims' rights, and to successfully back a change to California law limiting the financial deminds a convited felon could can make on a spouse during a divorce.
The bulk of this book is about the crazy relationship between Barbara and John, who's clearly trouble from the start, but has correctly pegged Barbara as needy and unwilling to look like a 'failure' by getting a divorce. For every challenge she made to him about his erratic income, his inconsistent life history, adn the variety of other wacky adventures he seemed to be part of, he had an explanation that was *just* plausible enough for her to buy it - for about eight years. Bentley does a good job with this part, mianly because she's unafraid to show her own weakness - he may be charming and quick on his feet, but she goes along with it, over and over, because her own issues keep her in that box. As a result, portions of this section make the reader tense and uncomfortable - an appropriate feeling for the situation the author found herself in.
The last few chapters, dealing with the aftermath of the murder attempt, and Bentley's work to change California divorce law, are something of a letdown. The data is fine, but it's a long process summarized in a small space, with a lot of names, committee meetings, and hastily-described legalese. And it gets a little hug-your-inner-child-ish at the end. And there's a psychic. So we'll just leave that there.
Overall, the book is a good read, and an interesting insight on a complicated relationship.
This is the story of Barbara Bentley and her relationship with John Perry, a manipulative psychopath who drained her emotionally and financially over the course of their marriage. When it seemed she was finally catching on to his lies, he tried to kill her - possibly more than once - and ultimately served 18 months of a five year sentence for attempted murder. During and after his incarceration, Barbara fought for a divorce that would not leave her penniless, or giving half of all her possessions to the man convicted of trying to kill her. This battle caused her to become an advocate for victims' rights, and to successfully back a change to California law limiting the financial deminds a convited felon could can make on a spouse during a divorce.
The bulk of this book is about the crazy relationship between Barbara and John, who's clearly trouble from the start, but has correctly pegged Barbara as needy and unwilling to look like a 'failure' by getting a divorce. For every challenge she made to him about his erratic income, his inconsistent life history, adn the variety of other wacky adventures he seemed to be part of, he had an explanation that was *just* plausible enough for her to buy it - for about eight years. Bentley does a good job with this part, mianly because she's unafraid to show her own weakness - he may be charming and quick on his feet, but she goes along with it, over and over, because her own issues keep her in that box. As a result, portions of this section make the reader tense and uncomfortable - an appropriate feeling for the situation the author found herself in.
The last few chapters, dealing with the aftermath of the murder attempt, and Bentley's work to change California divorce law, are something of a letdown. The data is fine, but it's a long process summarized in a small space, with a lot of names, committee meetings, and hastily-described legalese. And it gets a little hug-your-inner-child-ish at the end. And there's a psychic. So we'll just leave that there.
Overall, the book is a good read, and an interesting insight on a complicated relationship.
July 25, 2010
First of all let me start by saying that nobody deserves to be used or abused by another. That being said I found this book extremely hard to get through. Obviously John had HUGE mental health and moral issues but I don't believe he was the only greedy person in that marriage. The signs were all glaringly apparent but the author didn't deal with these things because she was more interested in the social circle, status, travel and monatary things (like a Bentley) she thought this marriage would furnish her with. As a domestice abuse survivor myself I really had a hard time stomaching some of her writing and her own horn tooting. I am glad she did something to benefit others but as a woman that was abused and truly afraid of my ex-spouse I would have happily gave him the airline miles if it meant not having to face him in court again. I also thought it was interesting that she would agree to give up the dogs after what John did to the authors cat but fight over airline miles. I also found it troubling that when describing her current life that she mentions all the exotic destinations she and her new husband travel to, obviously some priorites haven't changed. I am glad that she was able to take a terrible experience and find a way to help others but I really did not see any innocent people in this marriage.
August 4, 2011
A dashing, successful man comes into your life and sweeps you away. Enthralled with each other, the next logical step is marriage.
But what happens when you discover the one you loved and married isn't who they appear to be?
The above scenario - and more - happened to Barbara Bentley, who outlines her true story of marriage to a man who nearly killed her in the book A Dance With the Devil: A True Story of Marriage to a Psychopath.
John Perry seemed to be the perfect mate for Barbara - worldly, intelligent, and sophisticated. Soon, when a lot of John's stories didn't add up, she became evasive when she would question him, her debt mounting from John's excessive spending, his manipulations and trails of lies, but she still remained with him.
Little by little, Barbara began to discover the truth about John, which led to his eventual attempt to murder her, proving himself not the loving man Barbara had married, but the total sociopathic predator he actually was.
A Dance With the Devil succinctly outlines Barbara Perry's moments from the start of her relationship with John Perry, the excitement and glamor of becoming an "admiral's wife," right through to the terrifying moments when she discovers John was never an admiral or other things he'd claimed - but spent the last 40 years as a con man.
Barbara tells her story without revealing too much too soon; the reader is pulled into her experiences of her 14-year marriage to John right from the beginning. Near the end of A Dance With the Devil, the real John Perry is unmasked. However, her bad experience isn't written in a bitter tone of self-pity, but one which helps others take a closer look at their current relationships and not push aside any doubts - no matter how small they may be.
Cover to cover, A Dance With the Devil is an excellent read and difficult to set down once the pages begin turning. I'm sure there are many readers who could (or already can) identify with her experience. In addition to writing her book, Barbara took another step forward and pushed to change the laws in California.
This book is a highly recommended read in true-life experiences which make a woman stronger rather than tear her down.
But what happens when you discover the one you loved and married isn't who they appear to be?
The above scenario - and more - happened to Barbara Bentley, who outlines her true story of marriage to a man who nearly killed her in the book A Dance With the Devil: A True Story of Marriage to a Psychopath.
John Perry seemed to be the perfect mate for Barbara - worldly, intelligent, and sophisticated. Soon, when a lot of John's stories didn't add up, she became evasive when she would question him, her debt mounting from John's excessive spending, his manipulations and trails of lies, but she still remained with him.
Little by little, Barbara began to discover the truth about John, which led to his eventual attempt to murder her, proving himself not the loving man Barbara had married, but the total sociopathic predator he actually was.
A Dance With the Devil succinctly outlines Barbara Perry's moments from the start of her relationship with John Perry, the excitement and glamor of becoming an "admiral's wife," right through to the terrifying moments when she discovers John was never an admiral or other things he'd claimed - but spent the last 40 years as a con man.
Barbara tells her story without revealing too much too soon; the reader is pulled into her experiences of her 14-year marriage to John right from the beginning. Near the end of A Dance With the Devil, the real John Perry is unmasked. However, her bad experience isn't written in a bitter tone of self-pity, but one which helps others take a closer look at their current relationships and not push aside any doubts - no matter how small they may be.
Cover to cover, A Dance With the Devil is an excellent read and difficult to set down once the pages begin turning. I'm sure there are many readers who could (or already can) identify with her experience. In addition to writing her book, Barbara took another step forward and pushed to change the laws in California.
This book is a highly recommended read in true-life experiences which make a woman stronger rather than tear her down.
May 22, 2016
I threw my copy away to avoid anyone else having to read it. I never do that. Not even recycling... TRASH.
The writing is terrible (other reviewers weren't wrong). It's all about "here's what happened and how I should have known better". The guy moved in in the first 50 pages and had already thrown her animal out so hard outside it hit its head and started seizing. Yet she didn't boot him and have him arrested. I was done at that point.
The writing is terrible (other reviewers weren't wrong). It's all about "here's what happened and how I should have known better". The guy moved in in the first 50 pages and had already thrown her animal out so hard outside it hit its head and started seizing. Yet she didn't boot him and have him arrested. I was done at that point.
October 31, 2022
Przez jak długi czas można nie zauważyć, że ktoś nami manipuluje? Jak bardzo ślepa może być miłość? Okazuje się, że prawie bezgranicznie. Aż do śmierci...
Barbara była trochę nieśmiałą i zakompleksioną dziewczyną. Aż do momentu, kiedy poznała sporo od niej starszego Johna. Mężczyzna od razu zawrócił jej w głowie. Wysoko postawiony wojskowy, bogaty, z rozległymi koneksjami, kulturalny i dający poczucie bezpieczeństwa. Zaopiekował się Barbarą od samego początku. A ona była wniebowzięta i szczęśliwa, że jest ważna dla kogoś, kto wydawał się poza jej zasięgiem. Jedyną jego wadą była niewielka niepełnosprawność, którą zresztą umiejętnie wykorzystywał, aby uzależnić żonę i wzbudzać w niej poczucie winy i odpowiedzialności.
Po jakimś czasie coś wydawało się nie tak, ale Barbara zawsze znajdowała wytłumaczenie. Mąż bogaty, ale żyje na jej koszt. Ma medale, ale nie ma go na liście odznaczonych. Rodzina nie chce z nim mieć do czynienia. Przez kilka lat nie poznała żadnego z jej członków. Praca, którą John wykonywał, to jakieś tajne zlecenia dla rządu, ale nie przeszkadzało mu to się tym chwalić. Za każdym razem, kiedy nachodziły ją wątpliwości, wyrzucała sobie, że niewystarczająco ufa mężowi. Aż w końcu prawda była już na tyle widoczna, że nie sposób było udawać ślepą. Barbara zaczęła sprawdzać wszystko, co dotyczyło jej męża. Okazało się, że całe małżeństwo i wszystko, co mówił John było jedną wielką, choć piękną fikcją. Kłamał w każdym możliwym aspekcie, dotyczącym jego życia. Nie mógł sobie pozwolić na utratę tego, co posiadał i co jeszcze miał zamiar uzyskać. Przyszedł więc czas na atak. Barbara omal nie zginęła z jego ręki w hotelowym pokoju. Później okazało się, że wszystko doskonale zaplanował, łącznie z wykupieniem drogiej polisy i zabezpieczeniem prawnym, które umożliwiłoby mu przejęcie majątku po jej śmierci w pozorowanym wypadku drogowym. Tylko wyjątkowo zawzięta walka wręcz nie pozwoliła, aby plan Johna się spełnił. Mało tego. Miał już na widelcu kolejną ofiarę...
Druga część autobiografii jest trochę nudniejsza i opisuje wszystko, co działo się po próbie zabójstwa. Barbara, choć nadal miała wyrzuty sumienia, że nie jest wystarczająco dobra dla męża, postanowiła jednak walczyć o sprawiedliwość. A nie było to łatwe. Prawo stanowe mówiło wyraźnie, że po rozwodzie połowa majątku żony należy do męża. Nieważne, że ten chciał ją zabić. Siedział w więzieniu i nie miał środków do życia, więc dodatkowo zobowiązana była do płacenia mu alimentów.
Wiele lat zajęło Barbarze postawienie na swoim. Ale dokonała rzeczy, które wydawała się niemożliwa. Dzięki współpracy z parlamentarzystami, prawnikami oraz ofiarami jej podobnymi, doprowadziła do zmiany prawa stanu Kalifornia w zakresie zależności finansowej byłych małżonków.
Barbara była trochę nieśmiałą i zakompleksioną dziewczyną. Aż do momentu, kiedy poznała sporo od niej starszego Johna. Mężczyzna od razu zawrócił jej w głowie. Wysoko postawiony wojskowy, bogaty, z rozległymi koneksjami, kulturalny i dający poczucie bezpieczeństwa. Zaopiekował się Barbarą od samego początku. A ona była wniebowzięta i szczęśliwa, że jest ważna dla kogoś, kto wydawał się poza jej zasięgiem. Jedyną jego wadą była niewielka niepełnosprawność, którą zresztą umiejętnie wykorzystywał, aby uzależnić żonę i wzbudzać w niej poczucie winy i odpowiedzialności.
Po jakimś czasie coś wydawało się nie tak, ale Barbara zawsze znajdowała wytłumaczenie. Mąż bogaty, ale żyje na jej koszt. Ma medale, ale nie ma go na liście odznaczonych. Rodzina nie chce z nim mieć do czynienia. Przez kilka lat nie poznała żadnego z jej członków. Praca, którą John wykonywał, to jakieś tajne zlecenia dla rządu, ale nie przeszkadzało mu to się tym chwalić. Za każdym razem, kiedy nachodziły ją wątpliwości, wyrzucała sobie, że niewystarczająco ufa mężowi. Aż w końcu prawda była już na tyle widoczna, że nie sposób było udawać ślepą. Barbara zaczęła sprawdzać wszystko, co dotyczyło jej męża. Okazało się, że całe małżeństwo i wszystko, co mówił John było jedną wielką, choć piękną fikcją. Kłamał w każdym możliwym aspekcie, dotyczącym jego życia. Nie mógł sobie pozwolić na utratę tego, co posiadał i co jeszcze miał zamiar uzyskać. Przyszedł więc czas na atak. Barbara omal nie zginęła z jego ręki w hotelowym pokoju. Później okazało się, że wszystko doskonale zaplanował, łącznie z wykupieniem drogiej polisy i zabezpieczeniem prawnym, które umożliwiłoby mu przejęcie majątku po jej śmierci w pozorowanym wypadku drogowym. Tylko wyjątkowo zawzięta walka wręcz nie pozwoliła, aby plan Johna się spełnił. Mało tego. Miał już na widelcu kolejną ofiarę...
Druga część autobiografii jest trochę nudniejsza i opisuje wszystko, co działo się po próbie zabójstwa. Barbara, choć nadal miała wyrzuty sumienia, że nie jest wystarczająco dobra dla męża, postanowiła jednak walczyć o sprawiedliwość. A nie było to łatwe. Prawo stanowe mówiło wyraźnie, że po rozwodzie połowa majątku żony należy do męża. Nieważne, że ten chciał ją zabić. Siedział w więzieniu i nie miał środków do życia, więc dodatkowo zobowiązana była do płacenia mu alimentów.
Wiele lat zajęło Barbarze postawienie na swoim. Ale dokonała rzeczy, które wydawała się niemożliwa. Dzięki współpracy z parlamentarzystami, prawnikami oraz ofiarami jej podobnymi, doprowadziła do zmiany prawa stanu Kalifornia w zakresie zależności finansowej byłych małżonków.
May 4, 2023
I found this true crime book really fascinating. It was thoughtful, detailed and very well written. The author came across as an intelligent woman who was living an independent and fulfilling life. She had bought her own home and had a career she loved and managed her finances well. All that was missing was that special someone to share it with…
I found the ups and downs of the ‘normal’ and then not-so-normal parts of the relationship to be very intriguing. She would not be the first person to turn a blind eye to red flags in the name of love, let alone when it comes from a master manipulator. This was an insight into a parasitic, psychopathic mind told by someone possessing rationale, courage and dignity.
This book reads with a moderate and easy pace. I found some parts shocking and felt the story was very thorough. The aftermath was quite remarkable and it was hard to get my head around the injustice of the law in this type of situation and the overall nightmarish quality of it all. I’m very intrigued by these types of stories and this was one that I could not put down. 5 stars.
I found the ups and downs of the ‘normal’ and then not-so-normal parts of the relationship to be very intriguing. She would not be the first person to turn a blind eye to red flags in the name of love, let alone when it comes from a master manipulator. This was an insight into a parasitic, psychopathic mind told by someone possessing rationale, courage and dignity.
This book reads with a moderate and easy pace. I found some parts shocking and felt the story was very thorough. The aftermath was quite remarkable and it was hard to get my head around the injustice of the law in this type of situation and the overall nightmarish quality of it all. I’m very intrigued by these types of stories and this was one that I could not put down. 5 stars.
February 11, 2021
I liked that she went to writing retreats to learn to write. It makes me hopeful for another book or piece of literature by her. She'd interrupt the story to comment on why she ignored the signs. It was more than a memoir about being married to a psychopath but her journey to change the law and it was good.
February 11, 2014
*3.5 stars*
Who do we really know? How can you be married to someone and not know them at all? Barbara Bentley writes a very insightful memoir about her experience living with a sociopath. She fell for his charm, intellect, charisma and absolutely believed all of his tall tales. At the time, of course, she had no idea he was just a poser. However, no one else did either,though some certainly were suspicious. "Admiral" John Perry actually stole a Medal of Honor, as well as several other medals, and completely fooled so many people. For instance,he went to an inaugural ceremony of Ronald Reagan(think that was the president)and got a salute from the president as well as a seat in a select area.
It seems I've been reading a lot about sociopaths lately and realizing how impossible it can be to really pinpoint who is masquerading and who is genuine. Luckily for Bentley, she escaped with her life. Literally. She also lobbied for a law to be passed that helped the victims of spouses convicted of attempted murder. As bizarre as it sounds, before that spouses were often forced to pay alimony and split assets with the very person who tried to kill them. A quick read.
Who do we really know? How can you be married to someone and not know them at all? Barbara Bentley writes a very insightful memoir about her experience living with a sociopath. She fell for his charm, intellect, charisma and absolutely believed all of his tall tales. At the time, of course, she had no idea he was just a poser. However, no one else did either,though some certainly were suspicious. "Admiral" John Perry actually stole a Medal of Honor, as well as several other medals, and completely fooled so many people. For instance,he went to an inaugural ceremony of Ronald Reagan(think that was the president)and got a salute from the president as well as a seat in a select area.
It seems I've been reading a lot about sociopaths lately and realizing how impossible it can be to really pinpoint who is masquerading and who is genuine. Luckily for Bentley, she escaped with her life. Literally. She also lobbied for a law to be passed that helped the victims of spouses convicted of attempted murder. As bizarre as it sounds, before that spouses were often forced to pay alimony and split assets with the very person who tried to kill them. A quick read.
February 16, 2009
I thought it was terrible. I've read a lot of true crime books, and this one seemed amateur by comparison. I gave it one star only for the fact that this woman had the courage to write a book about this horrible event in her life. And while I do think that the event was horrible, traumatic, sad and worth committing to paper - I think she could have taken more time and done a much better job. I found the chapters to be repetitive and boring, and there was far too much "feel good / I'm a survivor" stuff in here for my taste. I had to force myself to finish this book. My suggestion - if you're looking to read interesting true crime books - read the ones that have been written by true crime writers.
February 13, 2009
With Valentine's Day approaching, what better way to celebrate than to read this true story of a woman who married a man who turned out to be a sociopath and ultimately tried to kill her? Since most people are too embarrassed to tell anyone how such a thing happened to them, this book is a rare glimpse at how it can happen to anyone no matter how smart they are. She explains her thinking at the time although the story is told through the lens of hindsight. Not only did this woman survive, but she also got the law in California changed to prevent victims of domestic violence from having to pay their attempted murderers alimony or other types of support in subsequent divorce proceedings and tells that story as well. This was all in all an intersting read.
October 12, 2009
This book is about a woman who falls in love with a crazy psychopath/sociopath & doesn't realize it till too late. (Don't they all?) She knows he does too many things "wrong" & always immediately has an excuse for everything. He was worthless & so full of lies, had all these stories going on & on....! I can understand that you fall in love & always want to believe that everything is ok, you don't want to admit things are not as rosy as you would like, but I kept hoping she would kick his ass out WAAAY back! She KNEW, just didn't want to be alone or admit it was all wrong. She was courageous however, in fighting to change divorce laws in California, otherwise, he would have surely taken her to the cleaners. I'm glad this ended well for her.
December 25, 2012
I enjoyed the book and I have also had an encounter with a psychopath that I dated over a year. I understood the manipulation and everything because I could relate to it with my own experience. However, what I thought was odd in this story was being married to someone for so many years and never meeting his family. Overall, the book does point out the signs and I encourage people to learn more about this mental illness so they can spot the red flags early. Psychopaths are skilled at manipulating and know how the society expects them to behave. Words can be powerful when you know exactly what to say to get your way. Most are also very successful and mask themselves with luxurious cars, lifestyle,etc. I also recommend "Snakes in Suits".
September 27, 2009
This book suffered a little from the author's hindsight. She seemed to set on justifying her blind eye. She seemed to absolve herself of any responsibility, but she let him get away with a lot of shennaigans before it all came to a head. I found it hard to believe there were no clues at all. I think she was clearly sucked into the lifestyle she thought she would have with a supposed Admiral. She also left some gaps, like for instance, where did her husband get his scars if he hadn't been in war? Were his nightmares legitimate or contrived for her benefit? Unanswered questions--even if it remains a mystery it would have been nice for her to acknowlege it.
October 4, 2015
Let me start this off by saying that this whole situation was awful and I can't even imagine being in her shoes and having to experience something like that. I hope she was able to somewhat recover mentally and emotionally. With that being said; This was not a good book. A lot of useless details and content. Drawn out, with run on sentences and poor foreshadowing. I had to force myself to read it to get to the incident. Overall I wouldn't recommend this. Just google the case and read the facts.
January 26, 2012
Barbara told her story very clearly. She did a great job describing her perspective while still believing her husbands false persona. If you ever wonder how a person can be duped by a spouse...she gives you a chance to get in her skin and experience the deception. I enjoyed reading her book. She gives home of change not only personal but legislatively.
April 21, 2024
Interesting book, but it dragged in several parts. Overall, it was good, but not great.
December 29, 2018
Read A Dance with the Devil in 2 days. It was hard to put down! This scenario could happen to anyone.
Barbara met John through friends. Safe enough right? Most of us seem to be more comfortable meeting someone that way and thinking this must be a good guy.
When you are in a bad situation what seems obvious to us it is hard to see when you are blinded by love and devotion.
In my eyes,it takes a brave woman to put your story out there knowing that there are going to be folks critical of your actions or lack there of.
Yes, she made a big mistake but she pulled herself by her boot straps and worked tirelessly to get the law changed so the victim would not be victimized all over again by the law.
My hat is off to you Barbara....you are a strong, brave and gutsy woman!
Barbara met John through friends. Safe enough right? Most of us seem to be more comfortable meeting someone that way and thinking this must be a good guy.
When you are in a bad situation what seems obvious to us it is hard to see when you are blinded by love and devotion.
In my eyes,it takes a brave woman to put your story out there knowing that there are going to be folks critical of your actions or lack there of.
Yes, she made a big mistake but she pulled herself by her boot straps and worked tirelessly to get the law changed so the victim would not be victimized all over again by the law.
My hat is off to you Barbara....you are a strong, brave and gutsy woman!
February 11, 2023
I read this since I love any true crime, and any psychological thriller. I recommend this book if you are okay with slower passed books. I did like the book near the end, but I just couldn’t sit down and finish it in one go. I couldn’t help but get annoyed sometimes through the book, not at the author not being able to leave the man. But because they seemed to only care about being the generals wife, and any of the honor medals. But outside of that, It was a decent read.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 4, 2023
Excellent non fiction cautionary tale that reads like a crime thriller. Barbara finds herself trapped in what at first seems a match made in heaven. Finally she sees the fissures in her marriage. Her husband is a psychopath who does what he does best. He beats her down financially, emotionally, and physically. She learns to fight back. Definitely worth reading and recommending to others.
April 15, 2018
So poorly written it was painful! And much as her husband was disgusting, she shows herself to be a social-climber of the first order. If she had been a more sympathetic person, I might have been able to overlook the abysmal writing. Definitely not recommended.
November 29, 2019
The Devil trips on his own feet!
Providing the foundation of the deceptive nature of the spouse was detailed by Barbara Bentley. After the attack, the strength of Barbara Bentley to fight back physically, legally, and emotionally was inspiring.
Providing the foundation of the deceptive nature of the spouse was detailed by Barbara Bentley. After the attack, the strength of Barbara Bentley to fight back physically, legally, and emotionally was inspiring.
April 24, 2021
While this may not be the absolutely most well-written book on Earth, it is an engaging story of what happens when what you want (or think that you want) collides head-on with reality. However, I'm left wondering, what's John up to now?
May 24, 2023
Poorly written with so many useless details. Most of this feels made up cause there's no way someone could believe all the obvious lies. If John told her he had hatched out of an egg and was raised by dinosaurs, she would've believed it.
March 20, 2017
This is a very good read. I am glad she was able to get the Law changed.
April 8, 2021
This was an inspiring story of triumph over adversity.
March 22, 2024
Page turner!
May 31, 2025
Captivating
May 23, 2017
This was a fantastic look at Barabara's life with the "Admiral". Her writing style is fantastic, you come away from reading as if you'd just sat and had a cup of coffee with her.
Barbara explains in great detail, how she met, fell in love with, and married John, and the events leading up to her realizing who he actually was, and how she ended up changing the law to protect women in her position.
Many people are mentioning that she stayed in the marriage too long, and reaped benefits. However, I must point out that this was in the 80s. There was no internet, she couldn't just go and google John and find out about him. She couldn't even easily research the traits of a psychopath. That would have taken her time and having to go to a library, where, if he had found out, she could have made her situation a whole lot worse.
I chatted with Barbara, after reading this book, and she is a very friendly woman, who seemed happy to have heard from a reader who was touched by her story.
Barbara explains in great detail, how she met, fell in love with, and married John, and the events leading up to her realizing who he actually was, and how she ended up changing the law to protect women in her position.
Many people are mentioning that she stayed in the marriage too long, and reaped benefits. However, I must point out that this was in the 80s. There was no internet, she couldn't just go and google John and find out about him. She couldn't even easily research the traits of a psychopath. That would have taken her time and having to go to a library, where, if he had found out, she could have made her situation a whole lot worse.
I chatted with Barbara, after reading this book, and she is a very friendly woman, who seemed happy to have heard from a reader who was touched by her story.
February 1, 2011
SPOILER ALERT
Given that I actually dated a psychopath and thought that I should write a book with this very title (before the colon), I was shocked to see this and really couldn't wait to compare my story with hers.
I found this really difficult to finish. It actually bored me to tears. It was obvious that her husband had a lot of mental issues, but really, it was nothing like I expected to read. The author stayed in her marriage for a really long time, and reaped plenty of rewards as a result. She discussed how her psychopathic husband lied and ruined her finances, but really she was not at all that bad off considering all the traveling she did with him and things she received in the divorce, including air miles that she fought for!
I guess I was hoping to read more interesting psychological episodes, but really her husband seemed more like a liar and a jerk than a psychopath, with the exception of the time he tried to kill her, of course.
All I know is that I had a three month tryst with a true psychopath and the psychological abuse was astounding. I'm glad she really didn't have to go through that, but I really felt the "woe is me" feel of the book was unwarranted. I was hoping to find a kindred soul, and instead I came away feeling like I found a naive woman with a jerk for a husband.
Given that I actually dated a psychopath and thought that I should write a book with this very title (before the colon), I was shocked to see this and really couldn't wait to compare my story with hers.
I found this really difficult to finish. It actually bored me to tears. It was obvious that her husband had a lot of mental issues, but really, it was nothing like I expected to read. The author stayed in her marriage for a really long time, and reaped plenty of rewards as a result. She discussed how her psychopathic husband lied and ruined her finances, but really she was not at all that bad off considering all the traveling she did with him and things she received in the divorce, including air miles that she fought for!
I guess I was hoping to read more interesting psychological episodes, but really her husband seemed more like a liar and a jerk than a psychopath, with the exception of the time he tried to kill her, of course.
All I know is that I had a three month tryst with a true psychopath and the psychological abuse was astounding. I'm glad she really didn't have to go through that, but I really felt the "woe is me" feel of the book was unwarranted. I was hoping to find a kindred soul, and instead I came away feeling like I found a naive woman with a jerk for a husband.
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