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Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results
The key to success in life and business is to become a master at Conversational Intelligence. It’s not about how smart you are, but how open you are to learn new and effective powerful conversational rituals that prime the brain for trust, partnership, and mutual success. Conversational Intelligence translates the wealth of new insights coming out of neuroscience from across the globe, and brings the science down to earth so people can understand and apply it in their everyday lives. Author Judith Glaser presents a framework for knowing what kind of conversations trigger the lower, more primitive brain; and what activates higher-level intelligences such as trust, integrity, empathy, and good judgment. Conversational Intelligence makes complex scientific material simple to understand and apply through a wealth of easy to use tools, examples, conversational rituals, and practices for all levels of an organization.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published October 1, 2013
640 people are currently reading
6386 people want to read
About the author
Judith E. Glaser
7 books34 followersJudith E. Glaser is the CEO of Benchmark Communications and the chairman of The Creating WE Institute. She consults with CEOs and their teams on elevating levels of engagement, collaboration and innovation. Judith has served as an Adjunct Professor at Wharton and a visiting guest speaker at Harvard, Kellogg, Loyola, University of Chicago, NYU, IIT, University of Stellenbosch, Elisalat Academy, Tsinghua University and others.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 135 reviews
October 12, 2014
The main message of this book is, "Please hire me to fix your Fortune 500 company."
June 1, 2016
Meh. The neuroscience underneath conversations may be an intriguing "what" but it is not a particularly compelling why. Don't get me wrong, its important to understand how the amygdala is activated in difficult conversations and how that impacts an interaction... but is that all we are as people? Just a bag of chemicals with electric impulses firing and giving instructions? Or are there things that influence our human experience beyond just the brain?
My view of reality is that we are more than just body creatures. We are body and spirit creatures. So while the first bit of the book was intriguing it ultimately failed to deliver a transformative punch to my life - potentially because of this deficient anthropology and narrow construct of reality.
My view of reality is that we are more than just body creatures. We are body and spirit creatures. So while the first bit of the book was intriguing it ultimately failed to deliver a transformative punch to my life - potentially because of this deficient anthropology and narrow construct of reality.
February 1, 2017
Interesting elements but not enough on the neuroscience, and fairly repetitive.
March 31, 2021
Terrible. A disappointment in terms of both writing and content. I won't include all of my problems with this book because I don't feel like spending any more time on this book, just know that there are more problems with it.
My biggest gripe is the amount of trust Glaser expects you to have in her knowledge of neuroscience (which is not what her degrees are in as far as I can tell). She rarely cites her sources and explains things using technical terms without defining them. From what I can tell, some of the neuroscience models she is using are outdated, like the concept of a 'lizard-brain'. Some of her definitions are circular and she makes up new terms and acronyms almost constantly. It's very confusing.
The basic gist of her theory is that you should show others empathy and use open-ended questions, and that people will open up to you if you treat them like their opinions matter. Which is fine, but you don't need a $26 book to tell you that, do you?
She also devotes a few pages to a technique called priming. According to the Wikipedia article, priming is a phenomenon whereby exposure to one stimulus influences a response to a subsequent stimulus, without conscious guidance or intention. An example of this technique would be that trick where you get someone to repeatedly say things that rhyme with 'toast' and then ask them what you put in a toaster. She advocates using this technique to influence people into feeling 'warm' towards you. Anyway, she spends a few pages talking about it, and then her statement on the ethics of using it is basically, 'Don't misuse this :)'. Obviously, that's a slight exaggeration, but it's like one sentence of ethics for a technique that can be used in a manipulative manner. Even though she clearly thinks her target audience lacks empathy.
This book really rubbed me the wrong way, and I would not recommend it.
My biggest gripe is the amount of trust Glaser expects you to have in her knowledge of neuroscience (which is not what her degrees are in as far as I can tell). She rarely cites her sources and explains things using technical terms without defining them. From what I can tell, some of the neuroscience models she is using are outdated, like the concept of a 'lizard-brain'. Some of her definitions are circular and she makes up new terms and acronyms almost constantly. It's very confusing.
The basic gist of her theory is that you should show others empathy and use open-ended questions, and that people will open up to you if you treat them like their opinions matter. Which is fine, but you don't need a $26 book to tell you that, do you?
She also devotes a few pages to a technique called priming. According to the Wikipedia article, priming is a phenomenon whereby exposure to one stimulus influences a response to a subsequent stimulus, without conscious guidance or intention. An example of this technique would be that trick where you get someone to repeatedly say things that rhyme with 'toast' and then ask them what you put in a toaster. She advocates using this technique to influence people into feeling 'warm' towards you. Anyway, she spends a few pages talking about it, and then her statement on the ethics of using it is basically, 'Don't misuse this :)'. Obviously, that's a slight exaggeration, but it's like one sentence of ethics for a technique that can be used in a manipulative manner. Even though she clearly thinks her target audience lacks empathy.
This book really rubbed me the wrong way, and I would not recommend it.
August 24, 2014
Conversational Intelligence is a life changer. I highly recommend the book for all leaders no matter where you are in your organization. The book can help leaders become better leaders by learning more about communication and bringing people with you to create a better a circle of trust through meaningful relationships. The book should be part of every company's culture to help leaders elevate their conversations with the people they lead. The book has great ideas that can help people move from I-Centric culture to WE-Centric culture. Judith Glaser has dedicated her life to writing this book. She writes it from her heart and life changing experiences of coaching corporate executives. The book has shaped and opened a new journey with my leadership path to create a mastermind group- focusing on building better relationships at work and at home. If you like to transform and leave a positive legacy on your relationships, this is the book for you. Lots of A-HA moments!
July 1, 2014
Great read. It changed my way of thinking when it comes to people in general. I always wondered why with certain people I get into an endless cycle of talking. I tell them what I think, they tell me what they think, but we never get anywhere. We know what the other person says and we are explaining what we meant again because we don't think the other person has a clue. This book helps move the infinite conversations over difficult subjects to an easier conversation reaching a place of resolution.
October 18, 2019
This self promotion book was exhausting. This was an assigned read for my doctorate program and having an strong interest in communication I was excited to learn more and was left disappointed. The majority of the book is Glaser repeating self named phenomena on repeat. The reader keeps waiting for specific tips on how to achieve CI but instead she keeps telling stories about how she changed companies trajectory. I would never have finished it if it hadn't been assigned reading. If anything this information could have been a paper to share her experience, not a book.
July 4, 2019
If you’re into energy crystals and scientology, you might like this book.
October 29, 2025
3.25 some smart insights but i didn’t find the narration too compelling. the book lacked relevancy for me
September 25, 2016
Glaser's guide to building up C-IQ is relevant to all types of relationships. The text is full of examples, and new approaches to unpacking conversational structures. The book could be used for a C-IQ audit for anyone in a leadership position. For those working in education, the book is a great working model for dealing with the incessant changes in policy, curriculum, tech-integration, staffing and more.
June 16, 2018
Core ideas are good and important . The book could have been called "inclusive leadership" though. I felt that really a lot of text passages were repetitive and this is mostly why I cannot give more than 2 stars. It bored me sometimes so so much although I definitely consider the main framework of 3 levels of conversations as helpful.
October 1, 2020
This book is very repetitive. Early in the book are some useful points, but by the end I wanted to fast forward through the similar stories that are presented over and over.
April 19, 2025
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
February 26, 2023
Listened to this one while traveling today….
"Conversational Intelligence" by Judith Glaser is a book that explores the power of conversations in shaping our relationships, organizations, and society as a whole.
A little to much science and research references for me. But offers practical and applicable approaches, framework and tools to improve conversations and how we thinks mg about conversations.
"Conversational Intelligence" by Judith Glaser is a book that explores the power of conversations in shaping our relationships, organizations, and society as a whole.
A little to much science and research references for me. But offers practical and applicable approaches, framework and tools to improve conversations and how we thinks mg about conversations.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 9, 2024
layout bad content bad everything bad
August 26, 2025
listen I was trying to get into non fiction here. These books should be articles. This was literally so bad and all common sense
January 1, 2023
2.5* Heard a lot about this book but found it underwhelming. It's extremely repetitive. Glaser rambles on and on about the heart brain, executive brain, and the need to connect at an energetic level, but without really going into any concrete or tangible details. It's only in the last 40 pages or so that she moves into some of the more tangible steps and techniques that she keeps hinting at earlier on. Even then, these were far from being crystal clear.
She did include some diagrams and tables that capture some of the more salient or concrete ideas. BUT these are not really elaborated upon in her text (which basically repeats the same few points over and over, e.g. why you must quell the amygdala and what the 3 levels of conversations mean). The examples she gives aren’t very instructive either. for example, she speaks of creating a space for conversation, building trust and co-creating, but doesn't actually show HOW it’s done.
Or, she uses generic words like "understanding", "support", "connection", "heart energy", etc. without really explaining what it means in actual practice. You’ll see sentences like this: “Co-creation is a set of skills and a complementary mind-set that enable you to have extraordinary, transformational conversations with others” It sounds great, but if you dig deeper, it also says nothing. Or, the book keeps talking about the Conversational Dashboard as a core tool, yet she didn’t really go into its components or how to apply it in practice (I had to search for the definitions and implications online).
Broadly, Judith Glaser covers:
• The neuroscience behind human interactions (5 parts of the brain, their neuro- and bio-chemical responses and how they affect us)
• How virtuous trust cycles and vicious distrust cycles are formed and how they affect us
• 5 TRUST criteria, Conversational Dashboard, and other tools/frameworks to move up 3 levels of conversation + other tools and exercises to develop Conversational Intelligence in teams and organizations
Some of the ideas are potentially good, but why couldn't they be presented in plain English? There are just way too many big names, technical words about the brain/body, and trademarked terms, with bloated sentences that are extremely confusing…. In a way, it reads like a collection of articles, repeating the same concept but with slightly different frameworks, acronyms and lists. Which makes it hard to really grasp the core ideas. The diagrams frameworks sound fancy but after reading the book and spending hours trying to make sense of the ideas, I don't think I'll apply them in real life nor revisit this book ever again. There are just better books and tools out there imho.
Book summary at: https://readingraphics.com/book-summa...
She did include some diagrams and tables that capture some of the more salient or concrete ideas. BUT these are not really elaborated upon in her text (which basically repeats the same few points over and over, e.g. why you must quell the amygdala and what the 3 levels of conversations mean). The examples she gives aren’t very instructive either. for example, she speaks of creating a space for conversation, building trust and co-creating, but doesn't actually show HOW it’s done.
Or, she uses generic words like "understanding", "support", "connection", "heart energy", etc. without really explaining what it means in actual practice. You’ll see sentences like this: “Co-creation is a set of skills and a complementary mind-set that enable you to have extraordinary, transformational conversations with others” It sounds great, but if you dig deeper, it also says nothing. Or, the book keeps talking about the Conversational Dashboard as a core tool, yet she didn’t really go into its components or how to apply it in practice (I had to search for the definitions and implications online).
Broadly, Judith Glaser covers:
• The neuroscience behind human interactions (5 parts of the brain, their neuro- and bio-chemical responses and how they affect us)
• How virtuous trust cycles and vicious distrust cycles are formed and how they affect us
• 5 TRUST criteria, Conversational Dashboard, and other tools/frameworks to move up 3 levels of conversation + other tools and exercises to develop Conversational Intelligence in teams and organizations
Some of the ideas are potentially good, but why couldn't they be presented in plain English? There are just way too many big names, technical words about the brain/body, and trademarked terms, with bloated sentences that are extremely confusing…. In a way, it reads like a collection of articles, repeating the same concept but with slightly different frameworks, acronyms and lists. Which makes it hard to really grasp the core ideas. The diagrams frameworks sound fancy but after reading the book and spending hours trying to make sense of the ideas, I don't think I'll apply them in real life nor revisit this book ever again. There are just better books and tools out there imho.
Book summary at: https://readingraphics.com/book-summa...
June 21, 2021
Conversational Intelligence
By Judith E. Glaser
Evoking human’s best possible artillery to change the world- Conversations.
Judith E. Glaser emphatically conveys her belief in Conversations through a quote in the book
‘To get to the next level of greatness
depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the
quality of relationships, which depends on the quality of
conversations. Everything happens through conversations.’
The author defines conversational intelligence as “the intelligence hardwired into every human being to enable us to navigate successfully with others. Through language and conversations, we learn to build trust, bond, grow, and build partnerships with each other to create and transform our societies. There is no powerful skill hardwired into every human being than the wisdom of conversations. “The book is divided into three parts where the author tells us about the conversational intelligence and ways to enhance and embrace it within ourselves.
Judith emphasizes the fact that indulging in a conversation with someone embarks you on a journey of companionship with that particular person and how the journey will turn out to be is completely dependent on you. Conversations can instill a sense of fear or trust depending on the quality of the conversational intelligence (C-IQ, is what she likes to call it) that you have. Fortunately, developing a better C-IQ is a skill that can be developed by following a certain set of instructions and mindfulness.
She pens down many instances where she helped many CXOs of world-renowned companies knocked down collaborative differences among their team members. She lays down certain set of exercises backed by neurological researches to boost the conversational intelligence of the group resulting in a better cohesive work environment. Concepts like STAR skills, Conversational Dashboard, The Heart Brain, ARC of Engagement, Ladder of Conclusion verbosely describes how a particular set of conversation targets a certain part of the brain which initiates a behavioral pattern. The author stresses upon the need to have a ‘dynamic, interactive and inclusive’ conversation to build trust, to engage the prefrontal cortex of the mind which acts as an Executive Brain.
The book takes you on a psychological journey where you get to know the hindrance in delivering conversations and achieving trust. It will make you come face to face with blind spots in your brain, hindering the benefits of conversations.
Judith E. Glaser is a best-selling author, Chairman of The Creating WE Institute and CEO of Benchmark Communications.
By Judith E. Glaser
Evoking human’s best possible artillery to change the world- Conversations.
Judith E. Glaser emphatically conveys her belief in Conversations through a quote in the book
‘To get to the next level of greatness
depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the
quality of relationships, which depends on the quality of
conversations. Everything happens through conversations.’
The author defines conversational intelligence as “the intelligence hardwired into every human being to enable us to navigate successfully with others. Through language and conversations, we learn to build trust, bond, grow, and build partnerships with each other to create and transform our societies. There is no powerful skill hardwired into every human being than the wisdom of conversations. “The book is divided into three parts where the author tells us about the conversational intelligence and ways to enhance and embrace it within ourselves.
Judith emphasizes the fact that indulging in a conversation with someone embarks you on a journey of companionship with that particular person and how the journey will turn out to be is completely dependent on you. Conversations can instill a sense of fear or trust depending on the quality of the conversational intelligence (C-IQ, is what she likes to call it) that you have. Fortunately, developing a better C-IQ is a skill that can be developed by following a certain set of instructions and mindfulness.
She pens down many instances where she helped many CXOs of world-renowned companies knocked down collaborative differences among their team members. She lays down certain set of exercises backed by neurological researches to boost the conversational intelligence of the group resulting in a better cohesive work environment. Concepts like STAR skills, Conversational Dashboard, The Heart Brain, ARC of Engagement, Ladder of Conclusion verbosely describes how a particular set of conversation targets a certain part of the brain which initiates a behavioral pattern. The author stresses upon the need to have a ‘dynamic, interactive and inclusive’ conversation to build trust, to engage the prefrontal cortex of the mind which acts as an Executive Brain.
The book takes you on a psychological journey where you get to know the hindrance in delivering conversations and achieving trust. It will make you come face to face with blind spots in your brain, hindering the benefits of conversations.
Judith E. Glaser is a best-selling author, Chairman of The Creating WE Institute and CEO of Benchmark Communications.
February 10, 2025
Judith E. Glaser’s book "Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results" explores how conversations shape relationships, influence decisions, and impact trust, making communication one of the most powerful tools in any leader’s toolkit. She reveals how different types of conversations trigger chemical reactions in the brain that either foster collaboration or create resistance. By understanding these neurological responses and learning how to guide discussions intentionally, individuals can build trust, encourage creativity, and inspire teams toward greater success.
Every interaction triggers a cascade of brain chemicals that determine how we feel and respond. When a conversation feels threatening or judgmental, cortisol is released, heightening stress and making people defensive. This state clouds judgment, limits problem-solving ability, and shuts down open dialogue. On the other hand, when a person feels valued and heard, the brain releases oxytocin and dopamine, which enhance trust, creativity, and openness. Conversations that make people feel psychologically safe allow for better teamwork, innovation, and problem-solving. This underscores the importance of not just what is said, but how it is communicated.
Glaser’s research highlights that effective conversations follow specific patterns that keep the brain in a receptive and collaborative state. These patterns include sharing context before diving into content, asking questions that express genuine curiosity, and allowing others to contribute fully. When leaders take these approaches, they create an environment where people feel comfortable sharing ideas and working together toward solutions. For example, if a manager asks why a project isn’t finished in a way that sounds accusatory, it may trigger a defensive reaction. However, if the same manager inquires about progress and offers support, the employee is more likely to open up about challenges and work toward solutions. Leaders can transform their communication by observing and adjusting these patterns.
There are three levels of conversation, each serving a unique purpose. The first level is transactional, focusing on exchanging basic information and confirming details. These are necessary but do not encourage deep engagement. The second level, positional conversations, involve advocating for one’s viewpoint while staying open to other perspectives. These discussions allow for debate and can lead to better decision-making. The third level, transformational conversations, involve deep trust and genuine curiosity. They create space for new ideas, collaboration, and breakthrough thinking. Leaders can consciously move conversations to higher levels by becoming more aware of how they communicate and by encouraging deeper dialogue. Asking reflective questions and fostering psychological safety help unlock these deeper conversations.
Trust in conversations can be compared to a garden—it requires consistent nurturing. Just as plants respond to sunlight and water, trust grows or withers based on how interactions are handled. Open communication, respect for different perspectives, and following through on commitments enrich the soil of relationships. Conversely, withholding information, dismissing ideas, or breaking promises depletes trust. Leaders who reflect on their conversational habits can strengthen their relationships by ensuring they create an environment where trust thrives.
Conversational blind spots can undermine communication without people realizing it. One common blind spot is assuming that one fully understands another’s intentions, leading to misinterpretation. Another is overestimating how clearly one’s message is being received. Additionally, emotional states can influence communication in ways people may not notice. Leaders can overcome these blind spots by pausing before reacting, seeking clarification, and being mindful of how their emotions affect their tone. Checking in with others and asking for feedback can help reveal these hidden barriers to effective communication.
To improve conversations, Glaser offers practical tools that can be implemented immediately. One technique is priming—setting positive intentions before engaging in discussions. By focusing on what can be achieved together rather than problems, conversations become more productive. Another strategy is reframing questions to encourage constructive thinking. Instead of asking why something failed, asking what can be learned from it leads to better outcomes. Interrupting negative conversational patterns is also crucial. Taking a break or changing the direction of the discussion can help reset the conversation when tensions rise. Practicing deep listening by encouraging others to elaborate on their thoughts builds stronger connections. Additionally, leaders can use linguistic techniques to align their approach with the energy of the conversation rather than opposing it.
Non-verbal communication also plays a significant role in shaping interactions. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language all impact how messages are received. Leaders who maintain open body language and a warm tone create an inviting conversational environment. Small adjustments in communication style can significantly impact how people respond and engage.
Understanding the power of conversations allows individuals to navigate interactions more effectively. By recognizing the brain’s responses to different types of conversations, leaders can create trust, encourage innovation, and improve collaboration. Moving beyond surface-level communication and engaging in deeper, more meaningful discussions leads to stronger relationships and better results. Developing conversational awareness, addressing blind spots, and applying strategic techniques transform everyday interactions into opportunities for positive change. Through intentional and thoughtful communication, leaders can build trust, inspire their teams, and achieve extraordinary outcomes.
Every interaction triggers a cascade of brain chemicals that determine how we feel and respond. When a conversation feels threatening or judgmental, cortisol is released, heightening stress and making people defensive. This state clouds judgment, limits problem-solving ability, and shuts down open dialogue. On the other hand, when a person feels valued and heard, the brain releases oxytocin and dopamine, which enhance trust, creativity, and openness. Conversations that make people feel psychologically safe allow for better teamwork, innovation, and problem-solving. This underscores the importance of not just what is said, but how it is communicated.
Glaser’s research highlights that effective conversations follow specific patterns that keep the brain in a receptive and collaborative state. These patterns include sharing context before diving into content, asking questions that express genuine curiosity, and allowing others to contribute fully. When leaders take these approaches, they create an environment where people feel comfortable sharing ideas and working together toward solutions. For example, if a manager asks why a project isn’t finished in a way that sounds accusatory, it may trigger a defensive reaction. However, if the same manager inquires about progress and offers support, the employee is more likely to open up about challenges and work toward solutions. Leaders can transform their communication by observing and adjusting these patterns.
There are three levels of conversation, each serving a unique purpose. The first level is transactional, focusing on exchanging basic information and confirming details. These are necessary but do not encourage deep engagement. The second level, positional conversations, involve advocating for one’s viewpoint while staying open to other perspectives. These discussions allow for debate and can lead to better decision-making. The third level, transformational conversations, involve deep trust and genuine curiosity. They create space for new ideas, collaboration, and breakthrough thinking. Leaders can consciously move conversations to higher levels by becoming more aware of how they communicate and by encouraging deeper dialogue. Asking reflective questions and fostering psychological safety help unlock these deeper conversations.
Trust in conversations can be compared to a garden—it requires consistent nurturing. Just as plants respond to sunlight and water, trust grows or withers based on how interactions are handled. Open communication, respect for different perspectives, and following through on commitments enrich the soil of relationships. Conversely, withholding information, dismissing ideas, or breaking promises depletes trust. Leaders who reflect on their conversational habits can strengthen their relationships by ensuring they create an environment where trust thrives.
Conversational blind spots can undermine communication without people realizing it. One common blind spot is assuming that one fully understands another’s intentions, leading to misinterpretation. Another is overestimating how clearly one’s message is being received. Additionally, emotional states can influence communication in ways people may not notice. Leaders can overcome these blind spots by pausing before reacting, seeking clarification, and being mindful of how their emotions affect their tone. Checking in with others and asking for feedback can help reveal these hidden barriers to effective communication.
To improve conversations, Glaser offers practical tools that can be implemented immediately. One technique is priming—setting positive intentions before engaging in discussions. By focusing on what can be achieved together rather than problems, conversations become more productive. Another strategy is reframing questions to encourage constructive thinking. Instead of asking why something failed, asking what can be learned from it leads to better outcomes. Interrupting negative conversational patterns is also crucial. Taking a break or changing the direction of the discussion can help reset the conversation when tensions rise. Practicing deep listening by encouraging others to elaborate on their thoughts builds stronger connections. Additionally, leaders can use linguistic techniques to align their approach with the energy of the conversation rather than opposing it.
Non-verbal communication also plays a significant role in shaping interactions. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language all impact how messages are received. Leaders who maintain open body language and a warm tone create an inviting conversational environment. Small adjustments in communication style can significantly impact how people respond and engage.
Understanding the power of conversations allows individuals to navigate interactions more effectively. By recognizing the brain’s responses to different types of conversations, leaders can create trust, encourage innovation, and improve collaboration. Moving beyond surface-level communication and engaging in deeper, more meaningful discussions leads to stronger relationships and better results. Developing conversational awareness, addressing blind spots, and applying strategic techniques transform everyday interactions into opportunities for positive change. Through intentional and thoughtful communication, leaders can build trust, inspire their teams, and achieve extraordinary outcomes.
February 12, 2025
SUMMARY
Judith E. Glaser’s Conversational Intelligence explores how leaders can use the power of conversation to foster trust, collaboration, and high-performance cultures. She explains that conversations are more than just an exchange of words—they shape relationships, emotions, and even brain chemistry. By appreciating the neuroscience behind communication, leaders can shift from fear-based interactions to trust-building conversations that drive extraordinary results.
Glaser outlines specific principles and strategies to enhance Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ), helping leaders navigate difficult discussions, inspire teams, and create environments where innovation and cooperation thrive.
Key Principles from the Book
Final Takeaway
Great leadership is not just about what you say, but how you create an environment of trust and openness. By applying these principles, leaders can transform their soul-draining "If you could just do X for me, that would be greaaaat." conversations into powerful tools for collaboration, innovation, and extraordinary results.
Bill Lumbergh from Office Space
REVIEW
I found Conversational Intelligence both useful and frustrating. The Three Levels of Conversation framework was a game-changer for me—it helps me recognize when I’m stuck in low-level exchanges and push toward more productive discussions. I also liked some of Glaser’s simple conversation hacks, like using storytelling to communicate better in group problem-solving.
That said, the book lacked credibility. It relied heavily on neuroscience but provided few citations, making some claims feel unreliable. This may be because it was written more for CEOs than for a general audience. It also seems designed to promote the author’s speaking engagements rather than serve as a fully independent resource—more of a glorified pamphlet than a stand-alone book.
Compared to Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg, which is research-driven and broadly applicable, Conversational Intelligence felt less grounded. Both books highlight how small shifts in conversation can build trust and improve relationships, but Duhigg focuses more on how we connect, while Glaser emphasizes why trust matters.
Would I recommend it? If you love frameworks like I do, yes—the Three Levels of Conversation alone made it worthwhile. Otherwise, Supercommunicators might be the better pick. Additionally, if you are on a decision-making team with someone driven by ego, this might be a good "team read." It helps move conversations from a me focus to more of a we focus.
AI Acknowledgement
This review was co-written with AI to enhance clarity and save time. While AI assisted in structuring my thoughts, the opinions expressed are my own.
Judith E. Glaser’s Conversational Intelligence explores how leaders can use the power of conversation to foster trust, collaboration, and high-performance cultures. She explains that conversations are more than just an exchange of words—they shape relationships, emotions, and even brain chemistry. By appreciating the neuroscience behind communication, leaders can shift from fear-based interactions to trust-building conversations that drive extraordinary results.
Glaser outlines specific principles and strategies to enhance Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ), helping leaders navigate difficult discussions, inspire teams, and create environments where innovation and cooperation thrive.
Key Principles from the Book
Final Takeaway
Great leadership is not just about what you say, but how you create an environment of trust and openness. By applying these principles, leaders can transform their soul-draining "If you could just do X for me, that would be greaaaat." conversations into powerful tools for collaboration, innovation, and extraordinary results.
Bill Lumbergh from Office Space
REVIEW
I found Conversational Intelligence both useful and frustrating. The Three Levels of Conversation framework was a game-changer for me—it helps me recognize when I’m stuck in low-level exchanges and push toward more productive discussions. I also liked some of Glaser’s simple conversation hacks, like using storytelling to communicate better in group problem-solving.
That said, the book lacked credibility. It relied heavily on neuroscience but provided few citations, making some claims feel unreliable. This may be because it was written more for CEOs than for a general audience. It also seems designed to promote the author’s speaking engagements rather than serve as a fully independent resource—more of a glorified pamphlet than a stand-alone book.
Compared to Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg, which is research-driven and broadly applicable, Conversational Intelligence felt less grounded. Both books highlight how small shifts in conversation can build trust and improve relationships, but Duhigg focuses more on how we connect, while Glaser emphasizes why trust matters.
Would I recommend it? If you love frameworks like I do, yes—the Three Levels of Conversation alone made it worthwhile. Otherwise, Supercommunicators might be the better pick. Additionally, if you are on a decision-making team with someone driven by ego, this might be a good "team read." It helps move conversations from a me focus to more of a we focus.
AI Acknowledgement
This review was co-written with AI to enhance clarity and save time. While AI assisted in structuring my thoughts, the opinions expressed are my own.
May 15, 2017
This book gave practical ways to transform an organization's culture to one of trust, joy, and excellence. It shows you how to use conversation to bring out people's best traits and how to co-create rather than tell-sell-yell.
August 30, 2023
Part sales pitch for the author's business, part informative, I found the latter part of the book more useful / practical than the first. This could be because I read a lot of organisational psychology books. Useful for new managers.
May 15, 2017
This is a good book for the business shelf, and can help in other areas of life, of course.
February 10, 2025
communication approaches and youth work crossover stood out to me a bit
TBA BT
quotes:
- “Communication through interaction is less about the words spoken than it is about the interaction dynamics that take place at the nonverbal level; it is at this level that trust is established—or not.”
- accept resistance as a natural part of change
- People need to challenge new ideas before they can accept them.
- the quality of the conversation drives the nature of the impact
- Candor, collaboration, and cooperation are almost impossible to establish in environments where turf wars and one-upsmanship exist.
- “Researchers have concluded two things. One is that we drop out of conversations every twelve to eighteen seconds to process what people are saying; two, we often remember what we think about what another person is saying because that is a stronger internal process and chemical signal. In other words, our internal listening and dialogue trumps the other person’s speech.”
- “If telling more doesn’t create the results she wants, the leader may “sell” her ideas to get people on board; when this doesn’t work, she is inclined to “yell” to get results. Yet employees don’t want more “vision,” they want deeper engagement with leaders who can help them execute the vision.”
notes:
- effective conversations follow distinct patterns that keep our brains in a receptive, collaborative state. These patterns include sharing context before diving into content, asking questions that show genuine curiosity, and creating space for others to contribute fully.
- To transform your own conversations, start by noticing patterns that trigger distrust.
- Are your interactions often limited to safe, transactional exchanges? Or do you sometimes find yourself pushing your ideas without fully listening to others? Gaining awareness of your default communication patterns lays the foundation for broadening your conversational range and creating more meaningful connections.
- Instead of seeking agreement or confirmation, shift the focus to possibilities
- Remember that higher-level conversations thrive in environments of psychological safety. Building trust is key. Create supportive spaces by choosing the right timing, demonstrating openness, and showing through your actions that it's okay to take risks and share innovative ideas.
- Another blind spot involves overestimating how clearly you express yourself. You know exactly what you mean, so it's easy to forget that others don't share your full context or understanding.
- to overcome these blind spots, start by slowing down your assumptions. When you feel certain about someone's intentions or meaning, pause and consider other possibilities.
- One essential tool is the practice of priming. Before any important conversation, take a moment to set positive intentions. Think about what you want to create together, rather than focusing on problems or past issues.
Other:
The first level focuses on confirming what you already know. These are the conversations where you exchange basic information, share updates, or confirm details. Think of sending a quick email about meeting times or checking the status of a project. While these interactions are necessary, they rarely lead to new insights or deeper connections.
The second level opens the door to sharing and discovery. Here, you advocate for your position while also staying curious about other perspectives. When Elena leads her marketing team meetings, she presents her ideas but also actively encourages debate and alternative viewpoints. This level of conversation allows for healthy disagreement and often leads to better solutions than any individual could create alone.
The third and most powerful level of conversation creates transformative moments. These conversations combine deep trust with genuine curiosity, allowing people to explore new possibilities together. When Carlos noticed his software team struggling with burnout, he initiated a series of open discussions about work-life balance. Instead of prescribing solutions, he created space for honest sharing and collective problem-solving. The result was a complete reimagining of their work patterns, leading to higher productivity and improved team morale.
TBA BT
quotes:
- “Communication through interaction is less about the words spoken than it is about the interaction dynamics that take place at the nonverbal level; it is at this level that trust is established—or not.”
- accept resistance as a natural part of change
- People need to challenge new ideas before they can accept them.
- the quality of the conversation drives the nature of the impact
- Candor, collaboration, and cooperation are almost impossible to establish in environments where turf wars and one-upsmanship exist.
- “Researchers have concluded two things. One is that we drop out of conversations every twelve to eighteen seconds to process what people are saying; two, we often remember what we think about what another person is saying because that is a stronger internal process and chemical signal. In other words, our internal listening and dialogue trumps the other person’s speech.”
- “If telling more doesn’t create the results she wants, the leader may “sell” her ideas to get people on board; when this doesn’t work, she is inclined to “yell” to get results. Yet employees don’t want more “vision,” they want deeper engagement with leaders who can help them execute the vision.”
notes:
- effective conversations follow distinct patterns that keep our brains in a receptive, collaborative state. These patterns include sharing context before diving into content, asking questions that show genuine curiosity, and creating space for others to contribute fully.
- To transform your own conversations, start by noticing patterns that trigger distrust.
- Are your interactions often limited to safe, transactional exchanges? Or do you sometimes find yourself pushing your ideas without fully listening to others? Gaining awareness of your default communication patterns lays the foundation for broadening your conversational range and creating more meaningful connections.
- Instead of seeking agreement or confirmation, shift the focus to possibilities
- Remember that higher-level conversations thrive in environments of psychological safety. Building trust is key. Create supportive spaces by choosing the right timing, demonstrating openness, and showing through your actions that it's okay to take risks and share innovative ideas.
- Another blind spot involves overestimating how clearly you express yourself. You know exactly what you mean, so it's easy to forget that others don't share your full context or understanding.
- to overcome these blind spots, start by slowing down your assumptions. When you feel certain about someone's intentions or meaning, pause and consider other possibilities.
- One essential tool is the practice of priming. Before any important conversation, take a moment to set positive intentions. Think about what you want to create together, rather than focusing on problems or past issues.
Other:
The first level focuses on confirming what you already know. These are the conversations where you exchange basic information, share updates, or confirm details. Think of sending a quick email about meeting times or checking the status of a project. While these interactions are necessary, they rarely lead to new insights or deeper connections.
The second level opens the door to sharing and discovery. Here, you advocate for your position while also staying curious about other perspectives. When Elena leads her marketing team meetings, she presents her ideas but also actively encourages debate and alternative viewpoints. This level of conversation allows for healthy disagreement and often leads to better solutions than any individual could create alone.
The third and most powerful level of conversation creates transformative moments. These conversations combine deep trust with genuine curiosity, allowing people to explore new possibilities together. When Carlos noticed his software team struggling with burnout, he initiated a series of open discussions about work-life balance. Instead of prescribing solutions, he created space for honest sharing and collective problem-solving. The result was a complete reimagining of their work patterns, leading to higher productivity and improved team morale.
Read
August 24, 2025Drawing on neuroscience and organizational anthropology, Glaser argues that conversations shape reality, relationships, and culture—offering tools to transform interactions.
1. **Conversations shape our reality**
* Dialogue isn’t just information exchange; it’s a dynamic force that molds mindsets and outcomes. Glaser emphasizes shifting from “power-over” (I-centric) to “power-with” (We-centric) dynamics.
2. **Trust is foundational**
* Trust is the glue of effective communication. When it's present, openness, collaboration, and innovation flourish.
3. **Neuroscience of conversations**
* Conversations trigger brain chemistry—oxytocin fosters trust, cortisol triggers stress, and dopamine motivates. Glaser links conversational styles to these neurochemical dynamics.
4. **Three levels of conversation**
* **Level I (Transactional):** Exchange information.
* **Level II (Positional):** Advocate a viewpoint.
* **Level III (Transformational):** Co-create together (the ideal, most trust-building level).
5. **Conversational blind spots**
* Common missteps include assuming others think as we do, failing to see emotional filters, poor empathy, misremembering words, and assuming meaning resides solely in the speaker.
6. **Priming conversations for success**
* Setting a positive tone—through environment, rapport, clear expectations, and emotional readiness—can steer interactions toward trust and openness.
7. **Tools and models Glaser provides**
* **TRUST Model**: Transparency, Relationship, Understanding, Shared Success, Testing assumptions/truth.
* **Conversational Dashboard/Matrix**: A map from Level I → II → III to assess and guide interactions.
* **Exercises**: “Double-click” to probe deeper meaning; LEARN reflection (Like, Excite, Anxiety, Reward, Need); “Make-Up” game to rebuild trust.
---
## Author’s Qualifications
* **Judith E. Glaser (1946–2018)** was an **organizational anthropologist**, business executive, and author.
* Founder & CEO of **Benchmark Communications, Inc.**, and co-founder/chair of the **Creating WE Institute**—worked with major clients like Citibank, Pfizer, Burberry, American Airlines, and Verizon.
* Academic roles included **adjunct professor at Wharton** and visiting lecturer at **Harvard, Kellogg, Loyola**, and others.
* Vocally recognized in media: appeared on **CBS**, **NBC**, featured in the **New York Times**, **Wall Street Journal**, and named among "Top 20 Thought Leaders" in leadership and culture.
---
## Critiques & Limitations
While many readers praise its conceptual depth, some criticism has emerged:
* **Repetitive content & limited practical depth**
* Some reviews note the ideas are useful but repetitive, with relatively sparse truly practical information.
* **Overly corporate focus and self-promotion**
* A few critics feel the book’s orientation toward business environments and Glaser’s own branding and tools may detract from broader applicability.
1. **Conversations shape our reality**
* Dialogue isn’t just information exchange; it’s a dynamic force that molds mindsets and outcomes. Glaser emphasizes shifting from “power-over” (I-centric) to “power-with” (We-centric) dynamics.
2. **Trust is foundational**
* Trust is the glue of effective communication. When it's present, openness, collaboration, and innovation flourish.
3. **Neuroscience of conversations**
* Conversations trigger brain chemistry—oxytocin fosters trust, cortisol triggers stress, and dopamine motivates. Glaser links conversational styles to these neurochemical dynamics.
4. **Three levels of conversation**
* **Level I (Transactional):** Exchange information.
* **Level II (Positional):** Advocate a viewpoint.
* **Level III (Transformational):** Co-create together (the ideal, most trust-building level).
5. **Conversational blind spots**
* Common missteps include assuming others think as we do, failing to see emotional filters, poor empathy, misremembering words, and assuming meaning resides solely in the speaker.
6. **Priming conversations for success**
* Setting a positive tone—through environment, rapport, clear expectations, and emotional readiness—can steer interactions toward trust and openness.
7. **Tools and models Glaser provides**
* **TRUST Model**: Transparency, Relationship, Understanding, Shared Success, Testing assumptions/truth.
* **Conversational Dashboard/Matrix**: A map from Level I → II → III to assess and guide interactions.
* **Exercises**: “Double-click” to probe deeper meaning; LEARN reflection (Like, Excite, Anxiety, Reward, Need); “Make-Up” game to rebuild trust.
---
## Author’s Qualifications
* **Judith E. Glaser (1946–2018)** was an **organizational anthropologist**, business executive, and author.
* Founder & CEO of **Benchmark Communications, Inc.**, and co-founder/chair of the **Creating WE Institute**—worked with major clients like Citibank, Pfizer, Burberry, American Airlines, and Verizon.
* Academic roles included **adjunct professor at Wharton** and visiting lecturer at **Harvard, Kellogg, Loyola**, and others.
* Vocally recognized in media: appeared on **CBS**, **NBC**, featured in the **New York Times**, **Wall Street Journal**, and named among "Top 20 Thought Leaders" in leadership and culture.
---
## Critiques & Limitations
While many readers praise its conceptual depth, some criticism has emerged:
* **Repetitive content & limited practical depth**
* Some reviews note the ideas are useful but repetitive, with relatively sparse truly practical information.
* **Overly corporate focus and self-promotion**
* A few critics feel the book’s orientation toward business environments and Glaser’s own branding and tools may detract from broader applicability.
October 20, 2019
I picked this up because it was listed as "recommended reading" by Stephanie Chung, president of Jetsuite, Inc., in a business publication. It looked interesting, and she plugged it as an invaluable book that she re-reads on a regular basis. I figured I'd check it out.
The insights in the book might be applicable to any area of human interaction, but it is geared primarily to a business/corporate environment. While it definitely contains some useful information, I found the book to be not nearly as praise-worthy as Chung suggested.
The author emphasizes the need to communicate on what she calls "Level III," a level of mutual trust, openness, and sharing. She points out that when we operate from a position of fear and distrust we utilize the reptilian part of our brain, whereas higher (Level III) communication utilizes the executive functioning of the brain's prefrontal cortex. She offers some tips on how to achieve Level III communication, mostly in a corporate setting, and she offers other little nuggets of useful information, such as the fact that most people with whom we interact will remember not what we say substantively but only how we make them feel.
This is all well and good, but the truly useful information in the book is relatively sparse. It is very repetitive, and I found it to be not particularly well written. Ironically for a book about good communication, it really doesn't package its thesis in an effective way. It is somewhat scattered, and too often presents ideas with useless, mind-boggling acronyms (i.e. "T.R.U.S.T." and "R.E.A.L.I.T.Y.") that most readers will never actually remember. I get the sense that the author (who is now deceased) would have made a great consultant to run a workshop in a corporate environment, but in my view the book has too many faults to make it worthy of the praise that caused me to pick it up.
The insights in the book might be applicable to any area of human interaction, but it is geared primarily to a business/corporate environment. While it definitely contains some useful information, I found the book to be not nearly as praise-worthy as Chung suggested.
The author emphasizes the need to communicate on what she calls "Level III," a level of mutual trust, openness, and sharing. She points out that when we operate from a position of fear and distrust we utilize the reptilian part of our brain, whereas higher (Level III) communication utilizes the executive functioning of the brain's prefrontal cortex. She offers some tips on how to achieve Level III communication, mostly in a corporate setting, and she offers other little nuggets of useful information, such as the fact that most people with whom we interact will remember not what we say substantively but only how we make them feel.
This is all well and good, but the truly useful information in the book is relatively sparse. It is very repetitive, and I found it to be not particularly well written. Ironically for a book about good communication, it really doesn't package its thesis in an effective way. It is somewhat scattered, and too often presents ideas with useless, mind-boggling acronyms (i.e. "T.R.U.S.T." and "R.E.A.L.I.T.Y.") that most readers will never actually remember. I get the sense that the author (who is now deceased) would have made a great consultant to run a workshop in a corporate environment, but in my view the book has too many faults to make it worthy of the praise that caused me to pick it up.
December 18, 2018
This really didn’t feel right as a book. It felt as if the author wanted to write a typical business communications book, similar to many that have already been written, but wanted to differentiate this book from the crowd. The choice was to add content that related in scientific terms what might be happening in your head and body when you are happy or when you make decisions. So you learn some science. But knowing this doesn’t really help you communicate, or at least if it does it isn’t explained here.
Strangely for a business communications book, as I read it I kept thinking of things my Mom would tell me, like “put yourself in other people’s shoes”, “people like hearing their own name”, and even “nobody likes to get yelled at”. This is a book that provides guidance that can be summed up with these kinds of platitudes. The author represented a person’s thoughts while communicating as passing through 3 layers:
- an “animal brain”, handling the basic needs, fight or flight, limbic brain.
- What I’d call a political brain, looking for angles to better a person’s standing
- What I’d call a cooperative brain, working for the greater good
The author thought that leader’s communication could be categorized as coming from one of these levels, with that coming from the top level tending to have better outcomes. I’ve run across this concept in many business communication and sales classes over the years, so it ended up being quite familiar. Adding to the familiarity, the book was written with noticeable repetition. Overall, I found this book a reasonable review, and I found the author's voice and choice of examples were good, albeit repetitive at times. But for me it did not tread new ground, and the added science seemed more for show.
Strangely for a business communications book, as I read it I kept thinking of things my Mom would tell me, like “put yourself in other people’s shoes”, “people like hearing their own name”, and even “nobody likes to get yelled at”. This is a book that provides guidance that can be summed up with these kinds of platitudes. The author represented a person’s thoughts while communicating as passing through 3 layers:
- an “animal brain”, handling the basic needs, fight or flight, limbic brain.
- What I’d call a political brain, looking for angles to better a person’s standing
- What I’d call a cooperative brain, working for the greater good
The author thought that leader’s communication could be categorized as coming from one of these levels, with that coming from the top level tending to have better outcomes. I’ve run across this concept in many business communication and sales classes over the years, so it ended up being quite familiar. Adding to the familiarity, the book was written with noticeable repetition. Overall, I found this book a reasonable review, and I found the author's voice and choice of examples were good, albeit repetitive at times. But for me it did not tread new ground, and the added science seemed more for show.
November 15, 2018
Helpful, but poorly executed. It wasn't quite a book on conversation skills, nor trust, nor emotional intelligence, nor brain chemistry; but it touched on each of those at different times as if that's all there is to conversational intelligence. So even though it's obvious Glaser knows her stuff, she just didn't present it the most convincingly. it was like she thought she continually had to convince us there was brain chemistry going on and that's why we need to believe her, but she never really sold us on why the brain chemistry of conversations was so critical to understand. She also annoyingly pointed out how much she helped her clients in a variety of ways. I don't think she was trying to subtly advertise, I think she just didn't know how to present the book in a way that came off as authentic. If I were you I would start about half way through the book and read the second half. That's when she starts getting into useful exercising, perspectives, and practices to reach people and build trust, etc. The first half was largely a confusing jumble of brain jargon and common sense about working with people you don't get along with.
July 22, 2024
To preface, I read this because my team at work was encouraged to read it. There were a couple of good points that were relevant to the situation behind why we were reading it, but if I was just reading it on my own I wouldn’t have finished it.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone without any scientific background (or even any sources, in this case) tries to communicate scientific information as if they are an expert. I felt like this entire book was based on neuroscience that the author didn’t have the background to back up.
There was also too much going on to track with what she was writing - the three levels, the five brains, the third eye, the seven conversations. Acronyms for all of those. It was super confusing and unorganized. It also felt like every other page was name dropping a person or a company she’s worked with or detailing what she has done. There are quotes to open every chapter and one time she quoted herself. I don’t feel like I gained any concrete knowledge as to how to improve my conversations at work.
Ultimately it got very repetitive and I feel like it can be summarized by saying “be nice to people and care about what they have to say.”
One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone without any scientific background (or even any sources, in this case) tries to communicate scientific information as if they are an expert. I felt like this entire book was based on neuroscience that the author didn’t have the background to back up.
There was also too much going on to track with what she was writing - the three levels, the five brains, the third eye, the seven conversations. Acronyms for all of those. It was super confusing and unorganized. It also felt like every other page was name dropping a person or a company she’s worked with or detailing what she has done. There are quotes to open every chapter and one time she quoted herself. I don’t feel like I gained any concrete knowledge as to how to improve my conversations at work.
Ultimately it got very repetitive and I feel like it can be summarized by saying “be nice to people and care about what they have to say.”
August 20, 2023
This is a poorly written book about how important communication is at work. I stopped reading halfway through which is rare for me. The author mostly covers things that she did to solve problems where she was a consultant. She tries to share some stories, but she didn't even share their problem, the struggle, the options, and the solution, but just kinda jumped straight to a solution that is meaningless without the struggle. For example, in one isn’t she just shared how they brought together team leaders with a shared vision with a shared newsletter, but without conveying enough of what the problem was and what the actual solution was it’s too hard to visualize yourself actually implementing this. There was no framework, and no theme around conversational intelligence, which I was hoping to learn about.
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