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Redefining Girly: How Parents Can Fight the Stereotyping and Sexualizing of Girlhood, from Birth to Tween
Named one of Publishers Weekly’s Best Books of 2014
All-pink aisles in toy stores, popular dolls that resemble pole dancers, ultra sexy Halloween costumes in tween sizes. Many parents are increasingly dismayed at how today’s media, marketers, and manufacturers are sexualizing and stereotyping ever-younger girls but feel powerless to do much about it. Mother of two Melissa Atkins Wardy channeled her feelings of frustration into activism—creating T-shirts with girl-positive messages; blogging and swapping parenting strategies with other concerned families; writing letters to corporate offenders; organizing petitions; and raising awareness through parent workshops and social media.
Now, in Redefining Girly, Wardy shares her hands-on parenting and activism strategies with others dedicated to raising a confident and healthy girl in today’s climate. She provides specific advice and sample conversations for getting family, friends, educators, and health care providers on your side; getting kids to think critically about sexed-up toys and clothes; talking to girls about body image; and much more. She provides tips for creating a home free of gender stereotypes; using your voice and consumer power to fight the companies perpetuating them; and taking the reins to limit, challenge, and change harmful media and products.
All-pink aisles in toy stores, popular dolls that resemble pole dancers, ultra sexy Halloween costumes in tween sizes. Many parents are increasingly dismayed at how today’s media, marketers, and manufacturers are sexualizing and stereotyping ever-younger girls but feel powerless to do much about it. Mother of two Melissa Atkins Wardy channeled her feelings of frustration into activism—creating T-shirts with girl-positive messages; blogging and swapping parenting strategies with other concerned families; writing letters to corporate offenders; organizing petitions; and raising awareness through parent workshops and social media.
Now, in Redefining Girly, Wardy shares her hands-on parenting and activism strategies with others dedicated to raising a confident and healthy girl in today’s climate. She provides specific advice and sample conversations for getting family, friends, educators, and health care providers on your side; getting kids to think critically about sexed-up toys and clothes; talking to girls about body image; and much more. She provides tips for creating a home free of gender stereotypes; using your voice and consumer power to fight the companies perpetuating them; and taking the reins to limit, challenge, and change harmful media and products.
239 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
31 people are currently reading
1396 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 108 reviews
May 29, 2014
I wanted to like this book more than I did. If it had delivered as the title promises, I'm sure I would have been able to give it a higher rating because being able to "fight the stereotyping and sexualizing of girlhood" is something I feel very strongly about. However, this book ended up falling short for me. Yes, there are some good tips, but most of the tips are simply good parenting, for girls AND boys (for example, buying toys that encourage free play and creative thinking rather than something that comes with a battery). Maybe it's because my girls are already at the tail end of the targeted audience for this book, but I felt like I was able to read it with a little more perspective, and I grew tired of chapter after chapter of demonizing the color pink. The author seemed to be terrified of her daughter identifying with anything feminine, but I personally feel that no matter how many gender-neutral toys you buy, girls and boys are going to learn and grow in different patterns, and there is nothing wrong with that. They key is to help them grow and learn with confidence, open-minds, and respect for themselves and others. Another issue I had with the book is that the author does not write with much authority. The book has sort of a whiny, anecdotal feel to it (more like a blog, less like a book). It was a smart move to include so many letters from other "authorities" in the field, which gave the book more credit, but it also had the effect of making me wish I was spending my time reading one of the other books referenced in the letters rather than this one. Finally, she spent very little time addressing limiting media, basically just a chapter at the end that almost had a postscript feel to it. She even encouraged parents to "watch shows like Glee and Pretty Little Liars with your girls." I couldn't disagree with that more. I don't feel that those shows are appropriate in any way for tweens. I have limited television time as much as possible for my children, especially commercial television. I have only seen positive outcomes from that decision for my family. I think the bottom line of why I didn't love this book is that she spent so many pages on gender neutralization in early childhood and seemed to completely miss the mark about so many other parenting issues that contribute to raising confident, independent girls. My own 13 year-old daughter was awash in pink and princesses when she was 3, but now she no longer has a "girl colored" room and absolutely loves being in the math club at school. She always chooses to dress modestly and couldn't be bothered with boyfriends and popular tween culture. I am certain that her pink toothbrush from the dentist did not harm her as much as the author of this book would like to believe. I believe the involved parenting, religious teaching, educational opportunities, and character building experiences in her life have played a much bigger role in influencing who she is today. In summary, this book might be worth picking up from the library for a quick browse, but it isn't something I would rush out and purchase.
June 20, 2017
How to Read About Parenting for Nonparents:
Ingredients:
Two Parts Preaching to the Choir
One Part Uncomfortable Truths
Add a dash of Things Are Worse Now Than They Used to Be
Shake until comfortably mixed. Allow to rest until it pops up in weird places like the grocery store and magazine advertisements. Shake head. Drink cocktail. Be thankful that you're childless.
Ingredients:
Two Parts Preaching to the Choir
One Part Uncomfortable Truths
Add a dash of Things Are Worse Now Than They Used to Be
Shake until comfortably mixed. Allow to rest until it pops up in weird places like the grocery store and magazine advertisements. Shake head. Drink cocktail. Be thankful that you're childless.
May 7, 2014
I have two young daughters and while I really wanted to like this book I found it to be painful. Early on in the book the author talks about not being draconian or obnoxious but the whole book are those two things with an added dose of sanctimony. I get it - media can be bad - but this alarmist attitude is based on zero academic data - but her families feelings on issues. I was hoping for more with actual study to it. She has a lot of letters from professionals in the field but the book is mostly a super long magazine article about why all her conclusions are correct with extensive 'suggestions' on how to talk to family and friends on the topic - all of which are pretty patronizing and not at all useful. Very disappointed.
January 25, 2014
There are a lot of good books (Cinderella Ate My Daughter and Packaging Girlhood, for example) that give us facts about the early sexualization and stereotyping of young girls. But it's hard to know what to do to protect our daughters from this type of media. This is a great guide for parents with many real-world examples. There are terrific suggestions for starting conversations and reframing the way we speak to girls. I enjoyed this book and found it helpful.
May 6, 2014
Quite honestly I can't read another page of this. I'm shocked that a mother with both and son and daughter would write this. While I see the importance of desexualizing "girls", she still feeds into the abyss of gender tropes (as a mother of both I'm well aware that we sexualize ALL children. Yes, boys too.) and stereotypes. I want to finish it only because I've wasted $18 on this book, hoping I would find one nugget of something new. Nope. Anyone who has invested time in gender studies knows all too well that most of this is regurgitated script. How can you "redefine girly" if you're not talking about all genders? Don't buy into the notion that gender exists as a binary. Gender is socially constructed (please use the language. Your readership is well aware of it.) let's erase all the boundaries and labels though. This author is still trapped in the twentieth century.
August 26, 2016
I found none of the information in this book new or groundbreaking and practically insulting. I could barley get past the prologue where she concludes that, even before she had a child, she had the "parenting thing in the bag" since she spent time as a babysitter, camp counselor and nanny. This know-it-all arrogance flows through the whole book. Any advice she offers either comes naturally or has been widely discussed among moms. She seems to spend more time promoting her brands than offering any real information. Which I find ironic.
June 30, 2015
I am a long-time follower of Melissa Atkins Wardy's work, a frequent participant in her Facebook community at Pigtail Pals Ballcap Buddies, and an academic with a background in media research. I had high hopes for this book and was excited that she would finally have all her thoughts written down for people who are new to the issue of media's influence on children. But I was worried that since I've been immersed in these issues for over a decade, this book would not offer me anything new.
I am happy to say that even as a "veteran", and even as a parent of only boys, I got a LOT out of reading this book. What I have always appreciated about Wardy's approach is that she recaps her own real-life experiences as a parent and provides "scripts" of how she interacts with children (both her own and other people's).
I know what kinds of people I want my boys to become, but since they are preschoolers, I often find it hard to talk to them about it at their level. Wardy has the words. And now she's shared them with all of her readers, enabling us to to talk with even very young kids about the difficult issues of gender representation, respect for others, and self-confidence in the face of peer pressure.
I am happy to say that even as a "veteran", and even as a parent of only boys, I got a LOT out of reading this book. What I have always appreciated about Wardy's approach is that she recaps her own real-life experiences as a parent and provides "scripts" of how she interacts with children (both her own and other people's).
I know what kinds of people I want my boys to become, but since they are preschoolers, I often find it hard to talk to them about it at their level. Wardy has the words. And now she's shared them with all of her readers, enabling us to to talk with even very young kids about the difficult issues of gender representation, respect for others, and self-confidence in the face of peer pressure.
December 11, 2013
This is a really fast, fun read and provides a lot of insight into a topic that can often be ignored under the mast "Girls will be Girls." Instead, this book offers tips on how to really look at the cultural influences surrounding childhood and how to be prepared to parent in a way that many of us want to. It's feminist without being "scary" for those who might be afraid of the word, and informative without lecturing. And the best part - and perhaps an unintended consequence - is that this book is jam-packed with ways to be a creative parent. I recommend this to every parent, auntie, daycare and early childhood program.
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July 27, 2016I enjoyed this book. I can't remember who recommended it, but it's applicable to boys too. I like her approach, which is based on respect and graciousness.
February 20, 2014
Redefining Girly: How Parents Can Fight the Stereotyping and Sexualizing of Girlhood, from Birth to Tween is a practical, from-the-trenches advice manual for parents who want to push back against the current "pinkification" (and commercialization) of girlhood. It can often be overwhelming for parents who want to preserve and foster their girls' independence, creativity, and whole selves to know how to stand up against mainstream American culture. The strength of this book lies in its concrete ideas: how to start conversations with the girls in your life (as well as with other parents), how to make decisions about consumer culture that fit with your family's values, and activities ranging from learning media criticism to going camping!
However, one of the book's greatest strengths will also be a weakness for some -- it definitely comes from a mainstream perspective and may primarily be useful for parents who are just starting to think about sexism as it relates to their girls. For people already coming from a more alternative perspective, there will probably be fewer new ideas here. And the author occasionally comes off as writing from a place of unexamined privilege, such as when she encourages anyone dissatisfied with things to take actions such as starting their own business, blogging, or writing letters to companies, without acknowledging that the ability to do any of these things is heavily dependent on access to resources, education, etc.
That said, the fact that this book is written from a "mainstream" perspective will probably make it much more acceptable to the people who (I think) most need to hear it; the Disney-Princess one-dimensional girlhood gang. And it's not a bad read for those of us already on the bandwagon either! It's a hopeful book at a time when it can be easy to be discouraged about the commercialization of childhood. It is the perfect gift for any new parents (or parents-to-be) in your life.
However, one of the book's greatest strengths will also be a weakness for some -- it definitely comes from a mainstream perspective and may primarily be useful for parents who are just starting to think about sexism as it relates to their girls. For people already coming from a more alternative perspective, there will probably be fewer new ideas here. And the author occasionally comes off as writing from a place of unexamined privilege, such as when she encourages anyone dissatisfied with things to take actions such as starting their own business, blogging, or writing letters to companies, without acknowledging that the ability to do any of these things is heavily dependent on access to resources, education, etc.
That said, the fact that this book is written from a "mainstream" perspective will probably make it much more acceptable to the people who (I think) most need to hear it; the Disney-Princess one-dimensional girlhood gang. And it's not a bad read for those of us already on the bandwagon either! It's a hopeful book at a time when it can be easy to be discouraged about the commercialization of childhood. It is the perfect gift for any new parents (or parents-to-be) in your life.
February 21, 2014
This book caught my eye at the library in the new arrivals section. I am so glad I picked up this book! If you have girls in your family, or work with them in any capacity- you should really read this book. It is not about teaching our daughters to shun make-up and burn their Barbies- but about letting THEM choose what toys, colors, interests, etc they want to have. Why should little girls be limited to princess toys while the boys get to have cool Lego sets? It is all about marketing- and WE should be guiding that marketing with our dollars by not buying into that mentality. The author explains how it applies to boys as well- "colors are for everyone" after all.
Another take away from this book is that is not productive to shame little girls or their caregivers for their choices. Instead of telling a girl that "barbies" set a bad example because of their clothing and body types (let alone the fact that Barbie is usually only interested in shopping)- but redirect and teach girls to QUESTION everything. While I found some of the example dialogues the author gives to use to explain why Sally doesn't play with Barbies (or listen to certain music or watch certain shows)- a little bit condescending, I still appreciated the direction she gives in helping others understand why girls need to have better choices.
I loved the fact that by bringing this book home and reading it- my 11 year old daughter picked it up to see what it was about- thereby leading to a great conversation. I feel very empowered after having read this book, empowered to help my daughter to be happy and be proud of herself.
Pick it up and read it NOW!
Another take away from this book is that is not productive to shame little girls or their caregivers for their choices. Instead of telling a girl that "barbies" set a bad example because of their clothing and body types (let alone the fact that Barbie is usually only interested in shopping)- but redirect and teach girls to QUESTION everything. While I found some of the example dialogues the author gives to use to explain why Sally doesn't play with Barbies (or listen to certain music or watch certain shows)- a little bit condescending, I still appreciated the direction she gives in helping others understand why girls need to have better choices.
I loved the fact that by bringing this book home and reading it- my 11 year old daughter picked it up to see what it was about- thereby leading to a great conversation. I feel very empowered after having read this book, empowered to help my daughter to be happy and be proud of herself.
Pick it up and read it NOW!
January 6, 2015
I have two daughters (8 and 12...and Wardy's daughter is named Amelia just like mine) and find myself frequently pushing against the princess stereotype. We do a lot of hiking, biking, visiting museums...even though the girls would often rather be dancing, singing, or watching disney princess videos.
But Wardy takes things to far..
-We have a communal dress-up box and there are no rules who wears what.
-We have rainbow-colored cups, bowls, plates, and silverware that are character free
- I make sure the entire ranbows is present in my children's closet--so not a single color dominates their wardrobe
-We have toy stations around the house and we rotate things like toy kitchen and the train stable in different kids rooms.
-We only watch PBS or National Geographic
It seems like she wants to create androgenous girls who can't have favorite colors, like dress-up, or even enjoy a nice princess like Frozen. This book in my opinion was political correctedness gone way too far.
I don't have the time or the inclination to worry about the color of my babies spoon, that he or she has a rainbow colored wardrobe, or that we make sure he plays with a spatula..or the belief that this will make a difference.
1 star. This book is going back to the library.
But Wardy takes things to far..
-We have a communal dress-up box and there are no rules who wears what.
-We have rainbow-colored cups, bowls, plates, and silverware that are character free
- I make sure the entire ranbows is present in my children's closet--so not a single color dominates their wardrobe
-We have toy stations around the house and we rotate things like toy kitchen and the train stable in different kids rooms.
-We only watch PBS or National Geographic
It seems like she wants to create androgenous girls who can't have favorite colors, like dress-up, or even enjoy a nice princess like Frozen. This book in my opinion was political correctedness gone way too far.
I don't have the time or the inclination to worry about the color of my babies spoon, that he or she has a rainbow colored wardrobe, or that we make sure he plays with a spatula..or the belief that this will make a difference.
1 star. This book is going back to the library.
August 11, 2015
I took a long read on this book. At times it made me angry (why is the world out to ruin girlhood?!) and at times it made me feel empowered to do better (like speaking out against companies that make horrendous gendered toys & clothes) I found a lot of valuable talking points here for kids, how to discuss the issues that naturally come up (so-and-so said Star Wars is a boy thing, or this toy is pink so it's for girls, etc)
I enjoy Wardy on Facebook a lot-useful and timely discussions and this book was pretty much in the same vein. Follow Pigtail Pals and Ballcap Buddies, and read this book if you're frustrated or confused about navigating girly girl culture w your daughter. It does provide a perspective that will guide how I view toys, colors and situations that arise all the time. It's a scary world sometimes (ahem Bratz dolls.)
I enjoy Wardy on Facebook a lot-useful and timely discussions and this book was pretty much in the same vein. Follow Pigtail Pals and Ballcap Buddies, and read this book if you're frustrated or confused about navigating girly girl culture w your daughter. It does provide a perspective that will guide how I view toys, colors and situations that arise all the time. It's a scary world sometimes (ahem Bratz dolls.)
December 12, 2014
In this book on the perils of modern girlhood, Melissa Atkins Wardy announces the goal of “redefining girly” so that girls can understand that “there are infinite ways to be a girl” and feel free to “choose their own paths,” and she sets out to provide “a tool kit of really practical, parenttested, and proven strategies and ideas from a mom in the trenches, help for parents to navigate through all this with their families and also practical things you can do right now to effect real change in the culture at large.” Unfortunately, the tips she offers could be shared in a blog post or pamphlet, and the padding she adds in order to create a book largely consists of preaching to the choir about the problem and frustratingly alluding to - but not engaging - theory and data, all in a fairly unorganized manner. Though Wardy serves up a few valuable suggestions (reproduced below), the reader also has to slog through questionably helpful biographical information and too many plugs for Wardy’s blog and online store. The end result is a disappointing read.
Those interested in engaging with these issues would be best off reading the summary of Wardy’s practical tips provided below in conjunction with buying or borrowing Peggy Orenstein’s "Cinderella Ate My Daughter." Make a donation to Wardy’s “Pigtail Pals” organization if you’d like to support her work, but skip purchasing "Redefining Girly."
The problem
Throughout the book, Wardy fleshes out the problem: “early sexualization and binary gender marketing, age compression[, adult products and attitudes being pushed on younger and younger kids,] princess culture, ‘pinkification,’ and body image obsession.” Most folks who choose this book will already be familiar with this list (which also includes the dreadfully gendered doling out of stickers at the doctor’s office):
“[B]efore your baby is even born; the messages marketed to soon-to-be new baby boys and girls are very different. Girls will be told with no words at all to be pretty and delicate and stay close to home, while boys are urged to be masters of their universe and travel around their great big world. The girls’ colors are very soft and quiet; conversely, the boys’ colors are bold, bright, and strong.”
"As I walked through the toy aisles, these are the themes I noticed, and I do not exaggerate: Girls = baby dolls, baby care items, princesses (all Disney), sexy fashion dolls whose faces and bodies look like they have been surgically altered, beauty/makeup toys, play cooking and baking sets, animal care toys, and crafts. Boys = monsters, action or war figures, superheroes, rescue or action vehicles, building blocks and kits, sports and outdoor toys, guns and weapons, scientific experiment kits, and dinosaurs. There was nothing in the way of gender neutrality. If a boy was interested in cooking, he would have had to go into the 'girl aisle' and choose something dipped in pink."
“[P]rincesses came in only one dainty variety and fairies came in tiny green dresses in poses reminiscent of the woman on the back of a semitruck’s mud flap.”
“The message a consumer got in the mainstream toy aisles was that the most adventurous thing a girl might be interested in was becoming a veterinarian.”
“[The toys declare and reinforce] stereotypes of what it means to be a boy (rough, rowdy, and into action) and what it means to be a girl (sweet, docile, and into “frivolous” pursuits). . . , [painting our girls and boys as] pink diva princess shopping hotties and tough violent slacker players[, respectively].”
“Pretty dresses and dainty shoes may inhibit your child from playing, moving, dancing, and interacting as she otherwise would. Are the boys in the family wearing outfits that require them to sit quietly and play nicely?”
Thanks to “the pornification of children’s Halloween costumes . . . [o]ur girls get the message that being sexy and sexually available is what society wants and expects from them, at ages when they are developmentally too young to understand it. These Halloween costumes also send the message to our boys that girls are just eye candy and sexual playthings.”
“When teachers reflexively categorize children by gender or inadvertently reinforce the differences between boys and girls instead of their commonalities—‘Boys, be quiet and sit down!’ or ‘Girls, let’s tiptoe like fairies to the drinking fountain’—these messages are absorbed by children in ways that affect how they view themselves and each other and that undermine their otherwise limitless imaginations and aspirations.”
The theory
Wardy throws out a few theoretical points but irritatingly fails to follow up in any detail or depth:
“While certain children may gravitate to specific interests and types of play, after working with children for more than twenty years and raising a son and a daughter, I remain unconvinced these interests are driven by their biological sex.”
“Infant brains are so malleable that small differences at birth become amplified over time, as parents, teachers, peers—and the culture at large—unwittingly reinforce gender stereotypes.”
“If these are the messages we accept for our infants, could this in some way alter the way we treat and parent the different sexes?”
“‘In self-objectification,’ the findings read, ‘girls internalize an observer’s perspective on their physical selves and learn to treat themselves as objects to be looked at and evaluated for their appearance.’ In other words, no, all little girls are not ‘naturally’ into fashion and makeup and ‘girly’ trappings as some would suggest; rather, we as a society are pushing them hard in that direction at increasingly younger ages.”
“When girls tie their body insecurity to their people-pleasing skills and bring those into sexual relationships, they put their own sexual and emotional health at risk.”
The suggestions
“So how do parents keep the Britney Effect at bay and preserve childhood just a little bit longer?” Wardy includes a few catchphrases that I’ve happily already adopted as well as activities I'd love to try. She recommends critically evaluating media with your kids (in other words, pointing out gendered messaging in commercials and TV programs or commenting on Barbie’s oddly shaped feet) and teaching them to tell stories in order to show how narratives can be (and are) shaped in different ways. Here are some of the more specific suggestions that I found either interesting or compelling:
“We always say, ‘Colors are for everyone’ at our house.”
“‘All of the toys in our house are for all of the kids.’”
“Whenever the kids repeat a stereotype, I try to find the positive in their words and work from there.”
“Your everyday, small moments are what she will remember and emulate for years to come. . . . My mom used to take my brother and me to a fast food restaurant after school sometimes. She loved ordering french fries, but if they were too cold, she’d ask the fry cook to reheat them. I thought this was humiliating. I begged my mother to stop ‘being rude’ and accept the fries as is. She reminded me she was paying for the fries and had a right to enjoy them hot. Years later, as an adult, I got a plate of lukewarm fries. Without thinking, I asked for them to be reheated. I knew, in that moment, that my mother had given me the personal authority to ask for what I needed—something I watched so many of my female friends struggle with.”
“To strangers [who compliment a girl’s appearance], I’d say, ‘Thanks, but you know what’s the coolest thing about her? She draws animals incredibly well!’”
“By showing your daughter that our bodies are instruments, not ornaments, life takes on a different meaning. . . . Build confidence and appreciation in her for the things her body can do, rather than what it looks like.”
“Start framing a positive body image for her in her very earliest years, when she is just discovering her body. Talk about her smart mind, strong arms and legs, healthy tummy, and warm smile, and talk about what she can do with all those amazing parts of her body.”
“Take a preemptive strike and explain to your child that should she receive gifts that your family has deemed inappropriate, she can exchange or donate them. The importance of the day is having fun with friends, not getting stuff.”
“Every once in a while, as we’re sharing a snack or coloring, I’ll ask Amelia some questions about how school is going, and then throw in a hypothetical, like ‘Hey, Smalls, what would you say if someone teased you about your whale shirt / tennis shoes / mismatched socks?’ This gives her the opportunity to practice some comebacks like, ‘That’s too bad you don’t like my shirt. It’s my total fave.’ Or ‘Everyone has different styles, it’s what makes us full of awesome!’ Even a simple ‘OK, thanks anyway’ seems to dissipate the ire without Amelia having to be mean back or involve the teacher.”
“Prepping your girl with some one-liners can help her slide through a situation if it arises: ‘Colors are for everyone. . . .’ 'They aren’t boy shoes, they are kid shoes. . . .’ ‘I’m just fine with the things I like.’ ‘You don’t need to tease me just because I am different from you.’”
“Boys and girls need opportunities to play together, alongside one another, and in friendly competition.”
“One of the ways parents can get their daughters to think critically about marketing and to feel comfortable rejecting ‘what everyone else’ is wearing or doing is to help her develop a personal brand.”
“‘I Am …’ Silhouette - Have your daughter lie down on the sidewalk or a large piece of butcher paper and trace her body’s outline with chalk or crayons. Fill her silhouette by having her write or help her to write words that reflect who she is: her character, her likes and interests, her talents and strengths. Doodle around the words, or if using paper add color by adding glitter, yarn hair, or even photographs of her being full of awesome. This would make a great decoration for the back of her bedroom door.”
“‘My Dreams’ Vision Board - Find foam board or a blank canvas at an art supply store. Start by working out on paper what dreams and goals your daughter would like to put on here, and how she would like to organize them (in a big collage, right now dreams / forever dreams, or this school year / this summer / a year from now, etc.). Gather all the materials she will need to assemble it, put on some good music, and have some healthy snacks nearby. Make a board of your own! Find a special spot in her room where she will be able to see her vision board on a daily basis, and check back in with her from time to time on how she is approaching and achieving her goals.”
“‘Beauty Comes from the Family Tree’ Collage - Make copies of family photos going back as many generations as you can find. Create a tree out of card stock or foam board, then assemble a tree of beauty that has been passed down between the generations. Label each picture with the woman’s name and something special about her. Talk about where her dark hair or long fingers come from, and how her genes and her confidence are what make her beautiful. For girls who are adopted, switch out genetic traits for actions that made these women beautiful, and by your daughter’s photo put plans she has to be beautiful through actions just like the women in her forever family.”
“‘I Am Full of Awesome’ Digital Photo Book - Take photos of your girl doing full-of-awesome active, brave, artistic, funny things and create a digital photo book. Write captions that describe her feelings while she was doing whatever is shown in the photo and why she is proud of herself. Surprise her with a couple of photos with captions from her siblings or grandparents or best friend.”
After listing all these, it should also be mentioned that not all Wardy’s suggestions resonated with me. For example, her advice about dealing with family members who do “not back you up or intentionally undermine[] your efforts to give your daughter a healthy girlhood,” seemed both impractical (“We certainly appreciate Angelina’s birthday gift. Thank you for celebrating with us. Maybe we’ll take the Barbie out of the box in a bit, but right now Angelina is really content building with her blocks and dominoes. Lina really does build some of the best skyscrapers around.”) and ineffective (“[I]f speaking up will cause holy war with your mother-in-law, realize that family is more important that any imported plastic junk that will be forgotten in a matter of months.”). I also wasn’t a huge fan of her chapter on public advocacy (i.e., how to complain to store managers and companies about gendered messaging effectively).
Other interesting tidbits
Finally, here’s a random list of things Wardy (or one of her contributors) wrote that I did not want to forget for one reason or another:
“Pink is not the enemy, girly is not the enemy; lack of choice is the enemy.”
“Of course, it is kind of tricky to explain why something is so inappropriate when a kid this age shouldn’t even be thinking about the inappropriate aspects of the inappropriate gift.”
“When we purchase [sexy Halloween costumes], we become a part of the system that feeds off turning young girls’ bodies into sex objects. That system is full of marketers and pimps alike; the flesh of our daughters is their currency.”
“Sexy is great; sexualization is unhealthy.”
“One negative comment can undo a thousand compliments.”
“Why create and sell one baby item when you can sell the same family both a girl version and a boy version of that item?”
“Have you noticed that there is hardly any focus on boys being princes or acting in a princely, gallant manner? In fact, they are told and encouraged to be rowdy, loud, sporty, mischievous, messy monsters.”
“Any time we ask someone to challenge the stereotypes they project, it can feel awkward because we are asking them to push their comfortable thought boundaries and, frankly, we are telling them they are doing or saying something wrong. . . . You want to convey how important these concerns are without coming off as judgmental or belittling . . . .”
Those interested in engaging with these issues would be best off reading the summary of Wardy’s practical tips provided below in conjunction with buying or borrowing Peggy Orenstein’s "Cinderella Ate My Daughter." Make a donation to Wardy’s “Pigtail Pals” organization if you’d like to support her work, but skip purchasing "Redefining Girly."
The problem
Throughout the book, Wardy fleshes out the problem: “early sexualization and binary gender marketing, age compression[, adult products and attitudes being pushed on younger and younger kids,] princess culture, ‘pinkification,’ and body image obsession.” Most folks who choose this book will already be familiar with this list (which also includes the dreadfully gendered doling out of stickers at the doctor’s office):
“[B]efore your baby is even born; the messages marketed to soon-to-be new baby boys and girls are very different. Girls will be told with no words at all to be pretty and delicate and stay close to home, while boys are urged to be masters of their universe and travel around their great big world. The girls’ colors are very soft and quiet; conversely, the boys’ colors are bold, bright, and strong.”
"As I walked through the toy aisles, these are the themes I noticed, and I do not exaggerate: Girls = baby dolls, baby care items, princesses (all Disney), sexy fashion dolls whose faces and bodies look like they have been surgically altered, beauty/makeup toys, play cooking and baking sets, animal care toys, and crafts. Boys = monsters, action or war figures, superheroes, rescue or action vehicles, building blocks and kits, sports and outdoor toys, guns and weapons, scientific experiment kits, and dinosaurs. There was nothing in the way of gender neutrality. If a boy was interested in cooking, he would have had to go into the 'girl aisle' and choose something dipped in pink."
“[P]rincesses came in only one dainty variety and fairies came in tiny green dresses in poses reminiscent of the woman on the back of a semitruck’s mud flap.”
“The message a consumer got in the mainstream toy aisles was that the most adventurous thing a girl might be interested in was becoming a veterinarian.”
“[The toys declare and reinforce] stereotypes of what it means to be a boy (rough, rowdy, and into action) and what it means to be a girl (sweet, docile, and into “frivolous” pursuits). . . , [painting our girls and boys as] pink diva princess shopping hotties and tough violent slacker players[, respectively].”
“Pretty dresses and dainty shoes may inhibit your child from playing, moving, dancing, and interacting as she otherwise would. Are the boys in the family wearing outfits that require them to sit quietly and play nicely?”
Thanks to “the pornification of children’s Halloween costumes . . . [o]ur girls get the message that being sexy and sexually available is what society wants and expects from them, at ages when they are developmentally too young to understand it. These Halloween costumes also send the message to our boys that girls are just eye candy and sexual playthings.”
“When teachers reflexively categorize children by gender or inadvertently reinforce the differences between boys and girls instead of their commonalities—‘Boys, be quiet and sit down!’ or ‘Girls, let’s tiptoe like fairies to the drinking fountain’—these messages are absorbed by children in ways that affect how they view themselves and each other and that undermine their otherwise limitless imaginations and aspirations.”
The theory
Wardy throws out a few theoretical points but irritatingly fails to follow up in any detail or depth:
“While certain children may gravitate to specific interests and types of play, after working with children for more than twenty years and raising a son and a daughter, I remain unconvinced these interests are driven by their biological sex.”
“Infant brains are so malleable that small differences at birth become amplified over time, as parents, teachers, peers—and the culture at large—unwittingly reinforce gender stereotypes.”
“If these are the messages we accept for our infants, could this in some way alter the way we treat and parent the different sexes?”
“‘In self-objectification,’ the findings read, ‘girls internalize an observer’s perspective on their physical selves and learn to treat themselves as objects to be looked at and evaluated for their appearance.’ In other words, no, all little girls are not ‘naturally’ into fashion and makeup and ‘girly’ trappings as some would suggest; rather, we as a society are pushing them hard in that direction at increasingly younger ages.”
“When girls tie their body insecurity to their people-pleasing skills and bring those into sexual relationships, they put their own sexual and emotional health at risk.”
The suggestions
“So how do parents keep the Britney Effect at bay and preserve childhood just a little bit longer?” Wardy includes a few catchphrases that I’ve happily already adopted as well as activities I'd love to try. She recommends critically evaluating media with your kids (in other words, pointing out gendered messaging in commercials and TV programs or commenting on Barbie’s oddly shaped feet) and teaching them to tell stories in order to show how narratives can be (and are) shaped in different ways. Here are some of the more specific suggestions that I found either interesting or compelling:
“We always say, ‘Colors are for everyone’ at our house.”
“‘All of the toys in our house are for all of the kids.’”
“Whenever the kids repeat a stereotype, I try to find the positive in their words and work from there.”
“Your everyday, small moments are what she will remember and emulate for years to come. . . . My mom used to take my brother and me to a fast food restaurant after school sometimes. She loved ordering french fries, but if they were too cold, she’d ask the fry cook to reheat them. I thought this was humiliating. I begged my mother to stop ‘being rude’ and accept the fries as is. She reminded me she was paying for the fries and had a right to enjoy them hot. Years later, as an adult, I got a plate of lukewarm fries. Without thinking, I asked for them to be reheated. I knew, in that moment, that my mother had given me the personal authority to ask for what I needed—something I watched so many of my female friends struggle with.”
“To strangers [who compliment a girl’s appearance], I’d say, ‘Thanks, but you know what’s the coolest thing about her? She draws animals incredibly well!’”
“By showing your daughter that our bodies are instruments, not ornaments, life takes on a different meaning. . . . Build confidence and appreciation in her for the things her body can do, rather than what it looks like.”
“Start framing a positive body image for her in her very earliest years, when she is just discovering her body. Talk about her smart mind, strong arms and legs, healthy tummy, and warm smile, and talk about what she can do with all those amazing parts of her body.”
“Take a preemptive strike and explain to your child that should she receive gifts that your family has deemed inappropriate, she can exchange or donate them. The importance of the day is having fun with friends, not getting stuff.”
“Every once in a while, as we’re sharing a snack or coloring, I’ll ask Amelia some questions about how school is going, and then throw in a hypothetical, like ‘Hey, Smalls, what would you say if someone teased you about your whale shirt / tennis shoes / mismatched socks?’ This gives her the opportunity to practice some comebacks like, ‘That’s too bad you don’t like my shirt. It’s my total fave.’ Or ‘Everyone has different styles, it’s what makes us full of awesome!’ Even a simple ‘OK, thanks anyway’ seems to dissipate the ire without Amelia having to be mean back or involve the teacher.”
“Prepping your girl with some one-liners can help her slide through a situation if it arises: ‘Colors are for everyone. . . .’ 'They aren’t boy shoes, they are kid shoes. . . .’ ‘I’m just fine with the things I like.’ ‘You don’t need to tease me just because I am different from you.’”
“Boys and girls need opportunities to play together, alongside one another, and in friendly competition.”
“One of the ways parents can get their daughters to think critically about marketing and to feel comfortable rejecting ‘what everyone else’ is wearing or doing is to help her develop a personal brand.”
“‘I Am …’ Silhouette - Have your daughter lie down on the sidewalk or a large piece of butcher paper and trace her body’s outline with chalk or crayons. Fill her silhouette by having her write or help her to write words that reflect who she is: her character, her likes and interests, her talents and strengths. Doodle around the words, or if using paper add color by adding glitter, yarn hair, or even photographs of her being full of awesome. This would make a great decoration for the back of her bedroom door.”
“‘My Dreams’ Vision Board - Find foam board or a blank canvas at an art supply store. Start by working out on paper what dreams and goals your daughter would like to put on here, and how she would like to organize them (in a big collage, right now dreams / forever dreams, or this school year / this summer / a year from now, etc.). Gather all the materials she will need to assemble it, put on some good music, and have some healthy snacks nearby. Make a board of your own! Find a special spot in her room where she will be able to see her vision board on a daily basis, and check back in with her from time to time on how she is approaching and achieving her goals.”
“‘Beauty Comes from the Family Tree’ Collage - Make copies of family photos going back as many generations as you can find. Create a tree out of card stock or foam board, then assemble a tree of beauty that has been passed down between the generations. Label each picture with the woman’s name and something special about her. Talk about where her dark hair or long fingers come from, and how her genes and her confidence are what make her beautiful. For girls who are adopted, switch out genetic traits for actions that made these women beautiful, and by your daughter’s photo put plans she has to be beautiful through actions just like the women in her forever family.”
“‘I Am Full of Awesome’ Digital Photo Book - Take photos of your girl doing full-of-awesome active, brave, artistic, funny things and create a digital photo book. Write captions that describe her feelings while she was doing whatever is shown in the photo and why she is proud of herself. Surprise her with a couple of photos with captions from her siblings or grandparents or best friend.”
After listing all these, it should also be mentioned that not all Wardy’s suggestions resonated with me. For example, her advice about dealing with family members who do “not back you up or intentionally undermine[] your efforts to give your daughter a healthy girlhood,” seemed both impractical (“We certainly appreciate Angelina’s birthday gift. Thank you for celebrating with us. Maybe we’ll take the Barbie out of the box in a bit, but right now Angelina is really content building with her blocks and dominoes. Lina really does build some of the best skyscrapers around.”) and ineffective (“[I]f speaking up will cause holy war with your mother-in-law, realize that family is more important that any imported plastic junk that will be forgotten in a matter of months.”). I also wasn’t a huge fan of her chapter on public advocacy (i.e., how to complain to store managers and companies about gendered messaging effectively).
Other interesting tidbits
Finally, here’s a random list of things Wardy (or one of her contributors) wrote that I did not want to forget for one reason or another:
“Pink is not the enemy, girly is not the enemy; lack of choice is the enemy.”
“Of course, it is kind of tricky to explain why something is so inappropriate when a kid this age shouldn’t even be thinking about the inappropriate aspects of the inappropriate gift.”
“When we purchase [sexy Halloween costumes], we become a part of the system that feeds off turning young girls’ bodies into sex objects. That system is full of marketers and pimps alike; the flesh of our daughters is their currency.”
“Sexy is great; sexualization is unhealthy.”
“One negative comment can undo a thousand compliments.”
“Why create and sell one baby item when you can sell the same family both a girl version and a boy version of that item?”
“Have you noticed that there is hardly any focus on boys being princes or acting in a princely, gallant manner? In fact, they are told and encouraged to be rowdy, loud, sporty, mischievous, messy monsters.”
“Any time we ask someone to challenge the stereotypes they project, it can feel awkward because we are asking them to push their comfortable thought boundaries and, frankly, we are telling them they are doing or saying something wrong. . . . You want to convey how important these concerns are without coming off as judgmental or belittling . . . .”
November 18, 2015
Around the time my son O turned two, I noticed a shift happening in the way people spoke to him. Prior to that point, people tended to compliment his impossibly blue eyes with their long eyelashes, his sweet smile or his all-around adorableness, which, as his mother, I can objectively tell you with zero bias was off the charts. It was exactly what you'd expect someone to say about any baby, really, since a baby's entire appearance is craftily formed to appeal to adults so you don't throw them out of windows when they wake up 600 times a night and you're barely scrapping by on the bottom dregs of your humanity. Like I often said when he was tiny, it's a good thing babies are cute.
O was cute - is cute, actually - but sometime after he turned two, the compliments focused less and less on his appearance and more on his abilities: Wow, look at you go! You're one fast little runner! What a big boy you are! Aw, you're helping Mommy carry the grocery bag? You must be so strong! Did you climb up there all by yourself?? You're so brave! - and so on. That's all great - he IS strong and capable, and he's learned to use his body in so many ways, from climbing to running to balancing to sliding to jumping... - but I started to notice that his little girl friends rarely got the same treatment. Their compliments sounded more like this: I LOVE your pretty little dress! Is that Princess Elsa from Frozen on it? I bet you want to be a princess when you grow up, too! Wow, those are fancy shoes! I like how they're so pink and sparkly! What a pretty little girl you are - you must have so many little boyfriends at school!
Even at age two, boys are strong and brave, and girls are pink princesses to be admired. Some people argue this is harmless, but it's not. Examples are EVERYWHERE.
Case in point: I was flipping through a Pottery Barn Kids catalogue the other day and learned that they sell a vanity...what message are you telling a little girl when you buy her a piece of furniture that, by its very name, exists so you can obsess over your appearance all day long? Here, girls, make yourselves beautiful. How else are you going to ever find a husband to take care of you!?!? Second case in point: I went on Amazon to search for a play doctor kit for O last Christmas. Apparently, there are girl doctor kits and boy doctor kits. I mean, what do you expect - that a little girl use something other than a pink stethoscope? How dare you...she's a FEMALE! Third case in point: I see little girls all. the. time. wearing shirts that say barfy things like "Princess-in-Training," "Sassy Little Diva," "Pretty Like Mommy" and - ugh, the worst - "Spoiled Brat," like that's something to be proud of. People are deliberately dressing their children from birth in clothes that teach a girl that self-absorption is both normal and desirable.
I've read a lot about this topic, and while I wouldn't say this is a must-read, it'd be a great book for parents who are first starting to notice this sort of behavior to check out. Parents of boys (such as myself) shouldn't ignore it just because they don't have girls - their boys, who will someday turn into men, are the ones who will learn to view girls, who will someday turn into women, as equals.
O was cute - is cute, actually - but sometime after he turned two, the compliments focused less and less on his appearance and more on his abilities: Wow, look at you go! You're one fast little runner! What a big boy you are! Aw, you're helping Mommy carry the grocery bag? You must be so strong! Did you climb up there all by yourself?? You're so brave! - and so on. That's all great - he IS strong and capable, and he's learned to use his body in so many ways, from climbing to running to balancing to sliding to jumping... - but I started to notice that his little girl friends rarely got the same treatment. Their compliments sounded more like this: I LOVE your pretty little dress! Is that Princess Elsa from Frozen on it? I bet you want to be a princess when you grow up, too! Wow, those are fancy shoes! I like how they're so pink and sparkly! What a pretty little girl you are - you must have so many little boyfriends at school!
Even at age two, boys are strong and brave, and girls are pink princesses to be admired. Some people argue this is harmless, but it's not. Examples are EVERYWHERE.
Case in point: I was flipping through a Pottery Barn Kids catalogue the other day and learned that they sell a vanity...what message are you telling a little girl when you buy her a piece of furniture that, by its very name, exists so you can obsess over your appearance all day long? Here, girls, make yourselves beautiful. How else are you going to ever find a husband to take care of you!?!? Second case in point: I went on Amazon to search for a play doctor kit for O last Christmas. Apparently, there are girl doctor kits and boy doctor kits. I mean, what do you expect - that a little girl use something other than a pink stethoscope? How dare you...she's a FEMALE! Third case in point: I see little girls all. the. time. wearing shirts that say barfy things like "Princess-in-Training," "Sassy Little Diva," "Pretty Like Mommy" and - ugh, the worst - "Spoiled Brat," like that's something to be proud of. People are deliberately dressing their children from birth in clothes that teach a girl that self-absorption is both normal and desirable.
I've read a lot about this topic, and while I wouldn't say this is a must-read, it'd be a great book for parents who are first starting to notice this sort of behavior to check out. Parents of boys (such as myself) shouldn't ignore it just because they don't have girls - their boys, who will someday turn into men, are the ones who will learn to view girls, who will someday turn into women, as equals.
May 11, 2015
I'm going to start with a caveat: I don't have children of my own. I am from a large family, I have done a lot of babysitting and nannying stints, but a mother I am not.
However, I am a big fan of Wardy's work on her blog, and a fan of many of the "Letters from Experts" that contributed to this book. This is a formal overview of the day to day work that Wardy does on her blog. I don't agree with her 100% of the time (things get a little slut-shame-y, which I'm not a fan of, she seems a little too critical of adults who are wearing/doing what they like, and she's speaking from a position of a gender binary).
Overall, I think there are some valuable tools in here; I will add them to my "smash the patriarchy" toolbelt. Especially if I become a mother someday.
However, I am a big fan of Wardy's work on her blog, and a fan of many of the "Letters from Experts" that contributed to this book. This is a formal overview of the day to day work that Wardy does on her blog. I don't agree with her 100% of the time (things get a little slut-shame-y, which I'm not a fan of, she seems a little too critical of adults who are wearing/doing what they like, and she's speaking from a position of a gender binary).
Overall, I think there are some valuable tools in here; I will add them to my "smash the patriarchy" toolbelt. Especially if I become a mother someday.
December 18, 2014
While I agree with the premise of this book, I just don't find it to be that helpful. The author pushes her own website/store as an alternative to "media" about young girls, which makes it feel a lot like she's trying to sell something herself. She is also not entirely sex positive and engages in some slut-shaming of her own (I believe the phrase "cheap hooker" is used).
That said, there are some truths here that more people probably should be aware of about marketing and gender, especially parents of girls. I would recommend reading The Beauty Myth instead for a much more academic and thoughtful take on this conversation.
That said, there are some truths here that more people probably should be aware of about marketing and gender, especially parents of girls. I would recommend reading The Beauty Myth instead for a much more academic and thoughtful take on this conversation.
July 17, 2014
I think most people who pick this book up do so because they're already thinking along these lines; they already want to redefine "girly." So much of it is common sense. But it's great to see it laid out in a smart, easy to follow manner. And the tips on resources were great! All in all, I really liked this book and felt even more confident about the decisions my husband and I are making in terms of raising our daughter. I know I'll be referring back to this book throughout the years.
January 25, 2015
Melissa Wardy has a great message for parents of girls and for anyone else who is interested in the lives of our country's girls. She offers practical ways to bring up a young female child, minimizing the " pink princess culture" that is being thrown at them. She even scripts conversations with grandparents and friends who don't share your views - showing how to maintain friendships and still stand up for your girl!
April 21, 2014
Typical popular nonfiction- fluffy with little substance. Sad since the premise has potential.
November 22, 2018
I was curious to read this book after bringing my infant daughter into a kinder class wearing her black and yellow truck shoes. I literally had kids lining up to tell me she was wearing boys' shoes! *Gasp*
Ms Wardy is absolutely correct about the importance of media literacy. At this point in time teaching our kids how to think critically is just as important to their safety as teaching them stranger danger. Which is why I didn't like this book. It's basically an 11 chapter sales pitch for the author's blog, merch and her friend's projects. Her worthwhile message became overwhelmed by the sidebars and recommendations.
Secondly, I just could stomach the discussion over supposedly sexualized dolls. The author uses the terms sex worker and hooker interchangeably which I found extremely demeaning in a book about empowering women. Next, the argument about clothing and body type falls apart because....they...are...toys. Yeah, they can surf and wear high heels at the same time because I'm using my imagination! That's how toys work.
A better book on media literacy would be No Logo by Naomi Klein or Culture Jam by Kalle Lasn. I do appreciate that Ms. Ward's book was specific to parents. Unfortunately she just didn't have enough material for a full book.
Ms Wardy is absolutely correct about the importance of media literacy. At this point in time teaching our kids how to think critically is just as important to their safety as teaching them stranger danger. Which is why I didn't like this book. It's basically an 11 chapter sales pitch for the author's blog, merch and her friend's projects. Her worthwhile message became overwhelmed by the sidebars and recommendations.
Secondly, I just could stomach the discussion over supposedly sexualized dolls. The author uses the terms sex worker and hooker interchangeably which I found extremely demeaning in a book about empowering women. Next, the argument about clothing and body type falls apart because....they...are...toys. Yeah, they can surf and wear high heels at the same time because I'm using my imagination! That's how toys work.
A better book on media literacy would be No Logo by Naomi Klein or Culture Jam by Kalle Lasn. I do appreciate that Ms. Ward's book was specific to parents. Unfortunately she just didn't have enough material for a full book.
August 10, 2021
Some very interesting ideas and a book I had wish I had read over a decade ago when my own was still young. Thankfully I had independently come to a lot of these ideas.
The book seems to exaggerate at points the lack of range in options that are available to parents and children, especially in terms of media….relying on things like Bratz, Barbie, and (Disney) princesses as the dominant or prevalent examples. As such a lot of prevalent alternatives are ignored such as Sesame Street (especially for pre-school). Providing more alternative media would have been helpful.
It also neglects the unspoken elephant in the room throughout the book. All of this requires that parents be active and involved participants in their child’s growing up and development. Leaving them to be raised by mainstream TV or YouTube, or “others” (school, daycare, other family, and peers) makes all of these ideas and suggestions meaningless. More suggestions for those who are more time and money constrained would be helpful.
It also veers away from touching on cultural differences and variety, where there are many cultural sub sections within North American society that may encourage more clear and delineated gender roles.
These are what prevented a 5 star rating.
The book seems to exaggerate at points the lack of range in options that are available to parents and children, especially in terms of media….relying on things like Bratz, Barbie, and (Disney) princesses as the dominant or prevalent examples. As such a lot of prevalent alternatives are ignored such as Sesame Street (especially for pre-school). Providing more alternative media would have been helpful.
It also neglects the unspoken elephant in the room throughout the book. All of this requires that parents be active and involved participants in their child’s growing up and development. Leaving them to be raised by mainstream TV or YouTube, or “others” (school, daycare, other family, and peers) makes all of these ideas and suggestions meaningless. More suggestions for those who are more time and money constrained would be helpful.
It also veers away from touching on cultural differences and variety, where there are many cultural sub sections within North American society that may encourage more clear and delineated gender roles.
These are what prevented a 5 star rating.
September 26, 2022
While Redefining Girly brings up a lot of pressing issues regarding the sexualization of young girls in our society, I found the book to be quite repetitive, making the overall message fall flat. I wish there was more historical context and deeper analysis regarding the issues mentioned by the author. Also, the claims brought up in the book were often very subjective- there is very little academic evidence to support the author’s claims. I’m also disappointed that despite constantly talking about gender norms/defying them, there was not a single mention of trans/non-binary youth or the intersections of how race and socio-economic factors influence gender norms and sexualization of children. And tbh, the author’s “advice” on how to tackle these issues just screams “Karen”.
January 7, 2019
Great concept with a mediocre execution. I completely agree with the reviewers who mention the excessive talking points in the book, which are impractical and unrealistic. I would love to have more scientific facts and actual studies listed in here. I also think an update would be great- in the 5 years since this book was published, we have made a little progress in some of the things the author mentions (like more STEM things available for girls, Target removing gender indicators from their toy aisles, etc.) Anyway, it was a quick read, a little disappointing, but maybe the author will try again and it will work a little better.
June 6, 2020
It's so rare when conservative tinfoil-hat-wearing, religious protective parents and new-agey, hippie SJW protective parents can agree on something. This seems to be one of those things. Huzzah! This book was odd since I agreed with most of it, and it's a modern book... strange. There are a few things in here I would reword or I don't agree with, but that's cool with me. There were some great ideas on how to dress, relate to, teach and play with your children so that greedy corporate tycoons don't sexualize your children as much. Definitely a win in my book.
August 16, 2024
A little disappointed in this read. I found it after it was quoted in a book I read earlier this year (and loved!) but this one fell short. While I really liked the practical questions to be asking towards the end of the book, most of the time it felt a little too forward. Where the color pink was bad and stereotypical girly was too. I was hoping for more of a Barbie movie “redefining girly” where the author would be more vocal about even “stereotypical girly” having a place too.
October 21, 2017
Whatever
To be honest I wanted to like this book. The first chapter was great. As out went on though I just couldn't relate. It seemed to me the author was imposing her own women centric values on her daughter even as she was saying she hoped too be gender neutral. Which causes me to ask can she even be neutral?
To be honest I wanted to like this book. The first chapter was great. As out went on though I just couldn't relate. It seemed to me the author was imposing her own women centric values on her daughter even as she was saying she hoped too be gender neutral. Which causes me to ask can she even be neutral?
July 19, 2018
This book had so much potential. There is a huge problem with the sexualization of childhood, especially girls. But the book came across as sanctimonious and patronizing. There were some good points about clothes and media, but way more time was spent venting about Barbie and Disney Princesses. I ended up skimming the last two chapters because I was annoyed with the attitude.
October 26, 2020
C'est le premier livre sur le sujet que je lis alors je pense que c'est correct. C'est assez basique. Par contre le livre date de 2014 alors certaines parties ne sont plus à jour. Et à peu près toutes la section ressources est désuète, ou les sites n'existent carrément plus.
Je suis ouverte aux suggestions de lecture an anglais ou en français sur le sujet.
Je suis ouverte aux suggestions de lecture an anglais ou en français sur le sujet.
February 2, 2017
I really wanted to like this book, but I didn't find anything helpful or new. I found some of the examples for phrasing when raising issues to be patronizing. Was also annoyed by the number of times the author chose to reference her website, products, and her other undertakings.
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