Pee-Shy

by Frank Spinelli

In his stunningly honest and poignant memoir, Frank Spinelli recounts a childhood marked by trauma and of finding the courage that ultimately transformed his life...Frank Spinelli grew up on Staten Island in the 1970s to Italian-born parents who viewed cops and priests as second only to the Pope in infallibility. His mother, concerned that her son was being bullied at school for being "different," signed Frank up for Boy Scouts when he turned eleven. For the next two years, Frank's life had two realities--one lived in full view of his family, and the other a secret he shared with his Scoutmaster that he couldn't confess to anybody.
Eventually Frank went to college, established a thriving medical practice, and found a home in Manhattan. But the emotional and physical effects of his past continued to shadow every aspect of his life. Then a shocking discovery gave Frank the opportunity to overturn thirty years of confusion and self-blame--for himself, and for other boys like him.
Pee-Shy is a remarkable story of overcoming the unimaginable to choose resilience over darkness, and love over loss.

"A devastatingly heartbreaking look at life after childhood abuse, with wit and piercing insight that can only come from a place of brutal honesty." --Josh Kilmer-Purcell
"This is a memoir about a grown-up boy's generous--and healing--heart."--Kevin Sessums
"This is one of those horrific, true stories that Dr. Spinelli so courageously reveals. With raw honesty he makes us understand that monsters do exist and a child's innocence is precious. His story is one of too many, but maybe, this one will help open our eyes a little more and shine a light on a taboo subject that many chose not to see or believe." --Whoopi Goldberg

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, LGBT, Gay, Mental Health

344 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

About the author

Frank Spinelli, MD is an American born physician living in New York.

He has contributed articles for the Advocate and The Huffington Post. Writing credits include: The Advocate Guide to Gay Men’s Health and Wellness (Alyson Books), Pee-Shy: A Memoir (Kensington Books), which has been optioned to be developed into a limited series and contributing author – Our Naked Lives (Bordighera Press) and Understanding the Sexual Betrayal of Boys and Men (Routledge).

He has made appearances on Sirius Radio’s Morning Jolt with Larry Flick and co-hosted Speak Out: Real Talk about AIDS.

Documentary credits include, 30 Years from Here (Emmy-nominated), Positive Youth and I’m a Porn Star.

Television credits include ABC News, NBC Nightly News, MTV, a national commercial and Sesame Street. In 2015, he hosted a season of Dueling Doctors.

Frank Spinelli is an advocate for child sexual abuse survivors and has given frequent interviews about his experience as a victim of child sexual abuse while in the Boy Scouts.

Perfect Flaw is his first novel.

Reviews

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was a goodreads first reads winner of the book "Pee-Shy" I signed up for this giveaway because of the unusual title. It made me curious what the book was about. Frank Spinelli wrote this memoir of his life and his experiences he had with a child molester when he was eleven years old. Frank was in boy scouts when his troop leader Bill started molesting him. this "monster" would take Frank to his home and do unthinkable sexual things to him. fast forward 30 years Frank is a successful doctor, he is in a relationship with another man. the title "Pee-shy" refers to Franks problem with urinating in public or when upset. after 30 years Frank learns that Bill has written a book and reveals that he has adopted many boys over the years. this is when Frank decides he has to do something fearing these boys have also been molested by this sick man.
this is a heartbreaking book in parts. especially part two. It is brave book for Frank Spinelli to write. I rooted for frank when he decided to take Bill to court. I won't give away too much more of this book. It was a hard one to read. I wish the best for this brave man.

[Samantha A · Rating 5 out of 5]

Received through Goodreads first reads giveaway.

01/12/14: This was a heartbreaking and powerful book and I thoroughly enjoyed it, cover to cover. It read so fluidly, and he was so honest throughout, he really laid his heart out while writing this book.

I often find when I read memoirs that deal with emotional content, the book tends to be loosely recited, and the details are fuzzy. It's understandable, as reliving these painful memories can be damaging, but it keeps the reader at an arms length and you never really get to connect with the author. This book was not the case, Dr. Spinelli was so very honest with his memories, they were so vivid, I felt the pain he went through with the monster who molested him. He was also so very honest with the mixed emotions he felt towards Bill and I really appreciated that.

I was so sad for this book to end, and I never really feel that way with memoirs. I am just so very happy that Frank was able to overcome this terrible thing that happened to him. He understands that it was something that happened TO him, not something that is a part of him. It is in his past and everything that happened thereafter was due to his diligence, and every one of those boys that Bill molested are able to sleep better at night because of him. He had the strength and the courage that not many have. He is not a victim.

Frank, thank you for allowing me a glimpse into your painful past, you are a wonderful person, and I wish you nothing but love and happiness in your future (and with Chad and Hoffman ;) )

12/01/13: Can't wait for this book to arrive! Looking forward to reading it.

[J. James · Rating 5 out of 5]

First of all I cannot believe someone gave this book a one star!
I am not the worlds fastest reader. I rarely have time to read due to my busy day job but during holidays I try to finish at least one book. I discovered this book and author after I did a book signing in NYC at the same location this author had been previously. I purchased the book out of curiosity. I read the book in one day! I have never read a book so quickly and simply because I was engrossed. For me, if a book does that then it is a hit - regardless of any critique you could make of the language or fluency etc. I found the book to be incredibly well-written and well edited and having published a book myself I know how difficult that is. The author was great at showing the feelings rather than telling them which is something I struggled achieving in my own book. Being a third generation Italian I immediately connected with the authors family and could picture similar scenes during my old childhood. I laughed at some scenes and cried twice during my long haul flight at some other points. I have the utmost respect for any author willing to write as honest a memoir as Frank Spinelli has in Pee Shy. Really well done Dr Spinelli and thank you for relighting my passion for reading again.

[Kitty B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating and Brave - A well-written book, with sensitivity and humor, despite the heart-breaking subject. Even though I knew how this book was going to end, I was on the edge of my seat, rooting for Dr. Spinelli to stop the sicko Scout Master. I loved the way the book opened up when Frank was a young adult, then went back to childhood, and ended with the process of finding the abuser and getting him prosecuted. I found the descriptions cinematic. The underlying themes of friendship, love, family, and work illustrated how our past influences our present, and how we can overcome our past hurts with the proper support. Most of all, it's a story of how a normal guy becomes a Super-Hero! I am so sorry that this happens to any kid, and I think we have to talk about this and make it easier for kids to come forward when it happens, which is all too frequently.

[Jack · Rating 4 out of 5]

Frank Spinelli's memoir is one of courage and recovery. He was sexually abused by a trusted Scoutmaster from the age of 11. As has been sadly true of so many of these scandals, his family turned a blind eye when a venerated elder took a strong interest in a boy who "needed strong male guidance." It's totally shocking to read Spinelli's recollections of how often his family allowed his unsupervised visits - to the predator's home, on overnight visits, even away for weekends.

Spinelli's story is not just a memory of the terrible events of his past, but the struggle to connect with a beloved partner as an adult, and the call to bring justice. He discovers through research that the scoutmaster has adopted a number of children, all boys, many of them mentally challenged. His fearless pursuit of justice, long after the statute of limitations has expired on his own case, is a testament to his dedication.

Mercifully, and rewardingly for the reader, his tale ends with justice earned and hard-won.

Bluntly written and even ham-handed, Spinelli's story is deeply touching and powerfully affecting.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This brave book shines a light on the little-discussed topic of male child molestation and the consequences and effects it has on the child as he grows up and becomes an adult.

The author talks about the sexual molestation he endured while in Boy Scouts at age 11, at the hands of his Scout Master. The foundation of the book is not the molestation itself, but the after-effects it had on Dr. Spinelli and his fight to bring his molester to justice 30 years later.

This book is dark at times, sparing no detail or sadness, and talks about the physical and emotional scars left behind by the events. But ultimately, the book is a glimmer of hope to those who thought they were the only one this kind thing happened to. It is a shame that this topic is not discussed more often, because statistically, 1 in 6 men were molested in their youth. That means there are many men out there looking for answers.

If you know someone who could use some hop, suggest this book. It may just change their thinking about what happened to them, and even quite possibly their life.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting but disturbing memoir. It recounts the author's sexual abuse at the hand's of his scoutmaster, and his quest to find a way, some 30 years later to expose & stop him from hurting other boys. It details the way this monster groomed his victims giving us a glimpse as to why they don't tell on them- something I am sure many people wonder about. Something else that I found disturbing is how his parents missed so many clues and allowed him, in fact forced him time & time again to go off with this "man". I can't call the book enjoyable because I was sick to my stomach through much of it, but it was informative, and I was glad to see Frank find true love and happiness
at last. I would love to have a conversation with him about some things!

[Isaiah Fapuro · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm only 24, But I'm confident I'll struggle to find a read that will top this. It's a truly incredible memoir of the struggle of a successful Gay Doctor dealing with sexual abuse that was imposed on him by a highly regarded policeman when he was 11. While not without its light-hearted moments, we gain a candid & detailed recount into the years that would change Spinelli's life significantly. Granted, I found a few chapters difficult to read,trying to comprehend how people can do such, but I recommended this book to all so we can get a greater understanding on how abuse in this category can work, and the affect it has on humans on the receiving end. This is truly a goodread.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won an ARC of this book in a goodreads giveaway. This was a very compelling read. I applaud Dr. Spinelli's bravery for coming forward as a victim of child molestation. The author really draws you in even though at times you want to put it down because of the horrifying things he had to go through. I wouldn't recommend for the faint of heart or if you're easily bothered by real life tragedy but this was a very good book and I hope the author is a little bit more at peace now that he's told his story and received justice even though it came 30 years to late which really breaks my heart.

[Margaret Gaudio · Rating 4 out of 5]

**I won this book as a GoodReads First Read**

I didn't expect to fly through this book like I did. I figured it would be a rough read, so I'd put it down and not be able to pick it up for a while. I actually really enjoyed this book.

This was well written, and kept you engaged in the characters. You felt for them, and cared about what was happening. There were a couple of places where I cried, but for a book about a child being molested, it wasn't super depressing.

[Sandra Lenahan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will make you laugh, cry, totally pissed off and happy though not necessarily in that order. You may think the story is about Spinelli's sexual abuse & quest to bring his molester to justice but I think the heart of this story is how Frank learns to accept himself and the personal growth that understanding brings. An easy read that doesn't gloss over the ugliness, Pee-shy is an excellent read for everyone.

[Jeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway. It is a very well written book about a very difficult subject. The author writes passionately from the heart. If I had not won this book, I probably would never have picked it up. The title is off-putting, the subject is uncomfortable, but the ending is sweetly satisfying.

[Garrett Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

If it wasn't a true story, I wouldn't believe it. The story alternates between horrifying experiences growing up and a wonderful love story with a man passionate about helping others. Each word drips with meaning and leaves you clinging to the next sentence, chapter and event. THANK YOU for sharing your story and bringing such a griping tale to the light.

[Calan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. The author revisits his past and assisted the police in helping them catch his child molester. The second part of the book was painful to read and then in the third part it turned into a gripping crime novel. Plus, I learned about the medical diagnosis of being Pee-Shy.

[Aaron · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was incredibly interesting open and raw. I kind of want to chant Olga whatever now whenever I pee. I was engaged from start to finish I think the author was really brave to share the process in which he confronted his demons.

[Julie Boudreau · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so raw. You could feel the author's pain. If you want a moving, inspiring read.. THIS IS IT!!!

[Rebecca Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great, entertaining, fast read. Dark subject matter
But well written with very vivid memories with a crime
Drama ending! Kept me hooked!! Started and finished it in 2 days. Couldn't put it down!

[Lesley Cruz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. It was heartbreaking but ultimately so uplifting. I recommend it highly.

[Dale · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found Frank’s very personal journey touching and courageously told. Humorous, sad and inspiring.

[Isabel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up Pee-Shy at my local used book store about a year ago because I was drawn to the cover. Little did I know that when I would finally read it this April, I would be fully engrossed in it. Frank Spinelli’s memoir is divided into three parts- how Spinelli got to where he was when his history of sexual abuse re enters his life, his point of view as an eleven year old with an abnormally close relationship with his scoutmaster, and his journey as a doctor in his forties trying to put that scoutmaster behind bars. The story starts when Spinelli, a successful author and doctor and an openly gay man, discovers his former scoutmaster’s autobiography. Upon reading it, he is shocked to learn that he had adopted a teenage boy. Spinelli is naturally angered since this man, Bill, had molested him while he was in Boy Scouts. After some research, Spinelli finds that Bill has adopted several more boys since the book’s publication, many with mental disabilities. Realizing that Bill is likely abusing these children, Spinelli jumps into action. It has been over thirty years since he’s seen Bill, too many to finally press charges, but he is determined to find a way. Pee-Shy tells Spinelli’s story of dealing with his abuse, his confrontation of his abuser, and his journey to put him behind bars.
I didn’t realize this was a memoir until I was several pages in. Somehow, I didn’t notice the words, “a memoir” when I picked it out at the store or grabbed it from my shelf, or that the author and main character have the same name. To write a fictional book the way Spinelli wrote this is launching the reader into a world of confusion. But when I finally realized it was a memoir, his style of writing sucked me in. After some thinking I realized why: it’s how I narrate my life. You know how sometimes when things happen you talk like you’re writing your autobiography? No? Just me? Ok. Anyhow, I really felt connected to Spinelli in this way. Another thing about the writing style of this book: he always includes dialogue, which is pretty abnormal for any type of memoir. For example- “How’s retirement?”...“It’s like waiting to die.”...“Pop, do me a favor and take the road over Grymes Hill. I want to see the Veranzo Bridge.”...“Why?...Feel like jumping?”...“Not today,” (93). I guess it makes it easy to read, sort of like a fictional book, but I’m not sure of how I feel about it in the nonfiction context. It almost makes me suspicious- Spinelli had to pull this conversation from his memory, so likely he put his own parts into it. What else did he exaggerate? But I push these thoughts aside. That he has dialogue in his memoir isn’t that important.
I want to address Spinelli’s actions. I read another review that called him “a bull in a China shop.” I get that statement. “...out to get what he wants to get without much thought for whom he may hurt in the process - here I'm thinking about his supporters and his once-friend Jonathan - who at times Spinelli seems to want to force to relive what happened to him regardless of what they're willing or ready to relive themselves,” (by GoodReads reviewer J.P., December 3, 2013). What the reviewer is referencing is when Spinelli, in a desperate attempt to find someone that can help him press charges, approaches his old friend from Boy Scouts, Jonathan. Jonathan had admitted to also being abused by Bill, but only to Spinelli. 30 years later, little has changed. While Jonathan now admits that Bill molested him, he seems to have blocked out the details. Spinelli even goes as far as flying out to meet Jonathan to push him to remember and go to the police. As the night goes on and Spinelli pressures Jonathan, he gets more and more drunk. Reading this, I was as uncomfortable as if I’d been there. While Spinelli has good intentions, (saving several young boys from a sexual predator can definitely be considered the greater good), is it really fair to push Jonathan as far as he did? I guess it’s the age old question of whether to redirect the oncoming train from a group of people onto one person or not. Would you rather several people die or have the blood of just one on your hands?
Overall I enjoyed this book. I’m not sure how I’d feel about Spinelli if I met him in real life, but his writing is riveting and I’d love reading another memoir with his voice behind it.

[Naomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disclosure: I won this through a Goodreads First Reads giveaway.

I have always loved reading memoirs, but I can honestly say this is one of the most difficult ones I've read due to the subject matter. It was painful to read the vivid recollections of childhood sexual abuse that the author, Frank Spinelli, was a victim of as a young boy. It was also difficult to see the very real and negative effects the abuse had on him throughout his entire life. It's easy to believe that a person will be negatively affected for the rest of his or her life in some manner due to such abuse, but it seems rare that an individual actually lays out the specifics of their personal experiences.

I wish this were a story that didn't have to be told, because such horrible things didn't actually occur in our world. But they do. I am glad Spinelli found the courage to stand up to his molester in order to seek justice, and that he was able to build a successful and happy life for himself despite the odds.

Stylistically speaking, this memoir was an easier read (again, just speaking in terms of writing style), and I feel the author successfully transitioned between the past and the present. However, the memoir started off somewhat awkwardly and stilted. When Spinelli started writing about his childhood, his writing style seemed to smooth out, and the rest of the novel moved in a similar way.

I would recommend this to others, but I would warn them that it is not an easy read. I would also tell them that it's an important read about a subject that must be acknowledged and dealt with appropriately.

I wish the best to Spinelli.

[Lola · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Pee-Shy"--what could that possibly mean? I took the book off the library shelf & saw it was a memoir so I decided to read it--I read mostly memoirs.
Frank Spinelli was a small child who had few friends, & was bullied at school. His mother decided to enroll him in Boy Scouts. Frank didn't want to go & found ways to avoid being there. As it turned out, Frank was being sexually molested by his Boy Scout leader at age 11. The leader was creative in the ways he manipulated Frank, & as it turned out, other Scouts as well.
Pee-Shy does refer to urination. Frank began wetting the bed. Later he would know he needed to go to the bathroom but was unable to urinate. This was as a direct result of being abused.
Years later, Frank is a doctor with his own practice. He finds out the old Scout Master has written a book about the many boys he had adopted. Currently, he had 2 boys who were both developmentally delayed. Frank was sick after reading this--he was quite sure that the Scout Master was abusing the current boys in his care, also.
Frank sets out to get the Scout Master brought to trial.

[Judy Lindow · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book held me in suspense up to the last 4 pages. I liked Pee-Shy for it's candor. Frank Spinelli's voice, story, the details all seemed very truthful in the telling. The fear and consequences of the horrible experiences as a child victim were as mesmerizing as they were sad. These stories are unknown to most of us and reading the book I felt a well needed jolt. As a teacher working with lots of kids and seeing all the groups, and different adults, and services that work with kids - it's amazing that this knowledge is not common. I think one sad point the book makes is that unless someone has the courage to pursue justice, many perpetrators get away with their abuse. I was fascinated and inspired how the author confronted his issues and challenges. The narrator has motivated me to tackle my own issues and challenges more directly.

[Jaime · Rating 4 out of 5]

With amazing courage Frank Spinelli tells the unfortunately true story of his childhood molestation by his scoutmaster. But this story is so much more; he tells us about his struggle to come to terms with what happened and to finally bring to justice the man who perpetrated this horrible crime (specifically to prevent his continual abuse of children he adopted. All this is done with plenty of humor & wit.

[Brad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book was organized well and read quickly. Wouldn't necessarily have read this book, but saw great reviews and am glad I did. It's eye-opening and sad but the message is an important one. Didn't care too much for the "honey" and "baby" throughout, nor the stereotypical gay references to shows (Maude), actresses (Judy Garland) and the fashion-oriented descriptions that I found irrelevant, but that's probably just me. All in all, a recommended read.

[George · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very interesting and thoughtful look at one man's journey to face his childhood sexual abuse and abuser. I liked this book because it gave me a snapshot into something I am not familiar with, and got to ride the emotional roller coaster with the author. I really think that Frank is a brave man, and it makes me happy that he has found some justice against his abuser.

[Becca Strassberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 but I rounded up. If this book had hooked me immediately, I would have given it a solid 5. That being said, when it did finally hook me (I want to say around 80 pages in), it kept its hold.

The last line made me cry and love Frank Spinelli more than I already did. Wish he had more books in his roster. I'd read 'em all!

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once I started this book, I was loathe to out it down. It's not only that the story was so heart wrenching, but the fact that the way it was written you found yourself there with the author as if he was pleading his case to you, the reader, and trying to show you what it's like for him. Compelling story, amazingly told. Loved the entire thing.

[Armando C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I NEVER thought I would read a book about surviving child sexual abuse but the book is very well written. I could not put it down. The book is not pity party but a man's active fight to take back control of his life.

[David Allen White · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read it in one sitting. Couldn't put it down. It was like a detective story and a love story at the same time. An adult survivor of childhood sexual molestation who develops paruresis as a result decides to find and confront his molester.