Catfight: Rivalries Among Women―from Diets to Dating, from the Boardroom to the Delivery Room – Why Female Allies Become Adversaries: A Psychological Study

by Leora Tanenbaum

Women often behave toward one another in sneaky, underhanded, ruthlessly competitive ways. Catfight is a remarkably researched and insightful foray into the American woman's world of aggression, rivalry, and competition. Tanenbaum draws on real-life examples and the most important studies to date in psychology, human aggression, psychoanalytic theory, and social movements to uncover the pressures that leave women regarding one another as adversaries rather than allies. Most women highly value female approval and friendship, but the darker side of sisterhood can evoke covertly competitive

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Gender, Sociology, Gender Studies

352 pages, Paperback

First published September 3, 2002

About the author

Leora Tanenbaum, author of six books, began researching and writing about slut-shaming before the term even existed. Her first book, Slut! is regarded as a significant contribution to feminist thought and the foundational text on slut-shaming. Called one of the 20 “must-read” books of all time for women, upon publication it shot up to become an Amazon Editor’s Choice book and an Amazon Top 10 Women’s Studies book.

I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet was the first book to analyze the proliferation of slut-shaming in the age of social media and digital culture. It was named one of 11 "groundbreaking books about women making history."

Currently, Tanenbaum is a frequent commentator for USA Today, where she discusses the gendered double standards faced by celebrities and non-celebs alike. She has written for The New York Times, Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, New York Daily News, The Nation, and U.S. News & World Report and has been a guest on Oprah, The Today Show, Nightline, Bill Maher, Fox News, MSNBC, and National Public Radio.

Reviews

[Ciara · Rating 3 out of 5]

i have to admit, i am getting mighty sick of writing these reviews. "this book is about blah & blah & thus & so." this book is about competetion between women. is it not obvious from both the title & the cover? & as such, it is a pretty good book about the topic. i think the issue of girl competition/girl jealousy is really important. naturally, i was exposed to the idea that "jealousy kills girls" through riot grrrl, & i still think it's so incredibly important to stay aware of jealous feelings & tendencies & not let jealousy impact relationships & behaviors in malignant ways. & really, i would have to write my own book to talk about all the ways i see jealousy manifest itself in human relationships, & especially between women. tanenbaum's thesis is basically that men are encouraged to work out issues & aggressions with each other in pretty direct ways: fighting, overt competition for jobs or through sports, etc. but anything smacking of overt ambition is discouraged in women thanks to the patriarchy, so women find other ways to compete & cut each other down, in fucked up passive aggressive ways. & this book is all about how that stuff manifests itself, & how it often sucks for all parties involved. she talks about body image, relationships, working women, "the mommy wars" (ie, should mothers stay at home with kids or go to work?), etc etc. i gave the book three stars because there are some places where tanenbaum is clearly working out a personal agenda, & that shit is pretty uninteresting to me. & also, a lot of her examples of competition between women are fairly specific to white, educated, middle-class women, you know? i mean, there is a lot of ground to cover when this topic is raised, & she makes a good start on chipping away on some of the fundamentals, but this is by no means the final word on girl jealousy. it's still worth a read though, especially for women who often find themselves making poor decisions because they are feeling jealous of someone.

[Margaret · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found Catfight to be a supremely readable book for the first three chapters (The Root of the Problem, Beauty, and Dating). Tanenbaum was humorous, to the point, and sharp for the first half of the book. I would have liked a couple of the segments in the Dating chapter to be longer, even. I kept forcing my husband to listen to me read segments from the book to him. Lengthy segments.

However, once I hit chapter 4 (Work), the book got a lot heavier. Perhaps this is because the issue of women fighting with/working against other women in the workplace is very hard to to treat with any levity, but I found this chapter and subsequent ones to be a slog, whereas I had flown through the first 3 chapters. This, however, is not my major critique of Catfight.

My major critique of Catfight is that while Tanenbaum is supposedly writing a book on how women snark at, undercut, and back stab each other and how awful of a thing this is, she herself does it in the very pages of her book. In the segment on motherhood, she goes on at length about how mean mothers who breastfeed are to mothers who do not breastfeed, going so far as to quote a woman who refers to these mothers as "Nipple Nazis" and she appears to be using this quote to show just how awfully breastfeeding mothers treat those who choose to not breastfeed. She also says that breast milk probably has more toxins in it than formula anyway (a claim that is totally unsubstantiated, mind you) and is better for babies.

While I completely agree that whether or not a woman breastfeeds is her choice (something I believed even when breastfeeding my own son for almost 2 years - which was just about as difficult for me at first as Tanenbaum describes her own experience of trying to breastfeed, so I do sympathize), I wonder why Tanenbaum did not take her own advice in this segment (which goes on much longer than most other segments in Catfight) and try to step outside of her own defensiveness. In a way, though, this failing of the book really does show that the tendency for women to treat one another poorly is very deeply seeded. So soon after starting this book I have already caught myself drifting toward those tendencies and pulled myself back to examine the emotions and motivations that go with the desire to catfight.

[Monica Garcia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt like this book was too focused on the problems of interpersonal relationships among women and not focused enough on the solutions. Still it was useful insomuch as it validated a lot of my suspicions.

[Alyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. My main criticism is that a disproportionately large number of first person sources were women who work i editing or publication. I would have preferred a more well rounded picture.

[Brittany Barnes Deeg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Based on research, this book is a heavy life but great exploration of the intricacies of competition between women. I especially appreciated the chapters on work and motherhood, as those are seasons relevant to my life right now, and found myself wishing this book had come into my life sooner. I now have a treasure drive of additional reading to do, and would be excited to look at an updated edition. I highly recommend for any one who is, loves, or related to women regularly.

[Y Sh A · Rating 4 out of 5]

Looking at women's rivalry from a feminist lens

A very few books discuss the unspoken issue of women's rivalry and even less from a feminist point of view because collaboration between women is it's cornerstone so ironically we tend to talk about it lessz let it develop subtlety which is exactly the way society forces women away from competition and aggression (those are male qualities) and therefore brings on the covert aggression that in school time is reflected in cliques and queen bees (a great book on the sociological side of the issue on the matter is Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons) but continues into adulthood: we just don't talk about it because whereas some women have to help their daughters survive the school (and cliques) years, everything from media to narrative and old fairy tales has taught men to compete on the basis of skills, but women that everything is personal. Lora brings very good insights and examples, the second half of the book though (work but motherhood especially) is dedicated more to a feminist read of the contexts than the actual issues of competition. It's great to know the context which fosters this rivalry but more direct examples on the rivalry issue would have been more on point.

[Pamela Becker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grew up with 4 sisters and plenty of sister-rivalry and have often been taken aback by the lack of "sisterhood" in some settings. This book put in words, backed by research, a lot of what I suspected about competition among women. It also put it in perspective. I loved this book but it leaves me with a dilemma. Who do I give it to first, my sisters or my daughter?

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

written in 2002/2003, a lot has changed since, but still very insightful for what we can still do

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read about the harmful effects of competition between women and how it is fueled by a patriarchal society which continues to sets limits on female power. The author gives compelling arguments with examples from work, dating, beauty, and my current personal favorite, motherhood. (For example, the continual tiring debate between stay at home and working mothers is pointless and harmful, only serving to further cement our status as second class citizens who are forced to make sacrifices no matter what path we choose, and distracting society from the larger issue of providing more affordable quality child and healthcare.) Reading this made me aware of the small ways in which competition can and does sneak in even the closest of female relationships, and has inspired me to make an extra effort to combat this in my own.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every women needs to read this book! It is so refreshing to read about the "secret truths" of women & competition. There is such a strong and obvious existence of competition among women, however, it is rarely (or never) discussed. I found this book to be very interesting and helped me gain an understanding of myself and my relationship to friends, colleagues, etc. I highly recommmend this one!

[Wynnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Biological evolution, social behavior and particularly American standards for women's beauty, love relationships, female friendships and social status. Analyzes the reasons society and women undermine the divine feminine, our evolved selves. Dissects: envy, jealousy, attitudes towards weight, youth, status symbols and romantic relationships. If you like Desmond Morris' "Naked Ape" series, you'll enjoy this. I think D.M. would call this the Jealous Ape book.

[Jenn Hovis · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay. I agree with pretty much everything she said, but there were no real revelations. As a 33 year old woman I know very well how awful women can be to each other. They can be cruel and catty, and it's a combination of our own insecurities and what we experience as women in our society. How to we stop it? Be the woman you would want to be your true friend. Stop gossiping and talking behind each other's backs. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this in a weekend, a good easy read on how the patriarchy has set women up to compete with eachother, even without our knowing it. Awareness is the first step to remedy. Definitely from a white, middle class perspective, but still has an important message about how oppressed people will often turn the oppression they learn onto eachother.

[Amanda Dolan · Rating 2 out of 5]

While this book is entertaining, it doesn't really add anything interesting or new to the fact that women are mean to each other, and there are things we can do about it- but the situation will stand .

[Aly · Rating 4 out of 5]

For summer online class, Sociology of Women

Update 8.31.10: I really enjoyed this book. One of the best "textbooks" I've ever had. I'd recommend it if you have any interest in sociology or women's studies.

[Mikko Peralta · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was hoping to get some more insights on why women behave as such against each other... the book failed.

Informative though. Nicely researched. But the whole book veered away from what it promised.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

meh. i was hoping i could get some insights into jealousy, but it didn't really deliver. it definitely has some interesting things in it though, and was a worthwhile read.

[Sherrice · Rating 1 out of 5]

...Tell me something I don't know.

[Di · Rating 1 out of 5]

Hated it. I agreed with some of her observations, but generally not with what she extrapolated from them. I made it about three quarters through, and then could only skim the rest.

[comrade mum · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book lost steam halfway through and the epilogue's "solutions" seemed overly simplistic, but, overall, a solid read.

[Meredith Hall · Rating 3 out of 5]

Choosen by Wendy

[Scout Sagsveen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. I want to read it again.