The Do-It-Yourself Guide to Fighting the Big Motherfuckin' Sad

by Adam Gnade

Self-described as an "anti-depression guide/guide to a freer, more lawless life." Gnade's book looks at the root causes of sadness, anxiety, and general malaise/boredom and offers helpful point-by-point suggestions (in list form) and short essay pep-talks on how to move beyond your demons for a better, smarter, happier life. Like a letter from a trusted friend in the trenches, The Do-It-Yourself Guide to Fighting the Big Motherfuckin' Sad will work with you through all phases of your life, thick and thin.

#1 Bestseller for 2013, 2014 and 2015 in the Small Press section of Powell's Books, the largest independent book retailer in the world.

Now in its 6th printing in three years.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health, Health, Philosophy, Feminism

60 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2013

About the author

Adam Gnade’s (guh nah dee) work is released as a series of books and "talking songs" that share characters and themes; the fiction writing continuing plot-lines left open by the self-described “talking songs” in an attempt to compile a vast, detailed, interconnected, personal history of contemporary American life. His books and "talking records" are released by Bread & Roses Press and Three One G.

Reviews

[Corvus · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this. Like the reviewers did. I needed to love it. Parts of it were good, especially the advice about the internet and the haters. But, overall, parts of it made me more sad. You can tell the demographics of the person who wrote this book. I don't mean that in a bad way. I am glad this book helped many people, probably of similar demographics. Queer, disabled, sick, no car, lack of a support system? A lot of this shit won't be possible. And while I appreciated the part on how not to work a shit job by creating your own thing as advice of what to do next after becoming an "ex-worker" it really leaves out those of us who are currently ex-workers because we can't work at all. So, in the end, I got some good tips from this book and also felt lonely reading it.

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found myself at the Portland Zine Symposium yesterday, talking with other very fervent, very impassioned, creators and wandering from table to table, each awash in the fruits of some erstwhile thinker's labor of love. I'd traded away every copy of my own zine by the time I hit the Pioneer Press table and had to break my budget and plunk down actual cash for this tiny little tract. The brilliant cover drew me in, but flipping through it I knew that it needed to come home with me because it features some of the most concise advice I've found for dealing with your brain in those moments when you're teetering on the brink and about to succumb to another round of in the ongoing battle against depression. Adam Gnade has clearly fought many battles with the Big Sad and come out the other side time and again and he dispenses his wisdom in short and easily-digestible snippets like so:

"A Rough Guide to Surviving the Unsurvivable

1) If you live with monsters you'll become monstrous. This can be good and it can be bad. You need to keep your perspective and know when it's time to quit a bad scene.

2) Learn the difference between honesty and being a dick.

3) Once you stop looking for identity, you start to die.

4) Don't sabotage yourself. There are enough people out there who'll do it for you. Don't let the assholes win.

5) Read more than you drink.

6) When you feel the Big Motherfuckin' Sad coming on, scream as loudly as you possibly can. It's good medicine.

7) Remember: If someone is talking shit about someone else to you, they probably talk shit about you, too. If they're doing it on the internet, they're probably someone you don't want to be friends with. Know a vendetta when you see one. Shit-talkers are like black mold: they'll infect you and you might not even know it. You don't need that darkness in your life. Bitterness will jump from them to you."

I foresee the tiny book being pretty handy in those moments when I need a quick dose of perspective in order to avoid diving back down that rabbit hole of resentment, sorrow, and self destruction which has been my home for far too long.

[Alyse Liebovich · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Everyone good is necessary." --Adam Gnade (the author)

I bought this at a bookstore while passing through Asheville, NC as a souvenir for my boyfriend (not because he's "motherfuckin' sad" but because I love supporting people who publish zines and thought it might be a motivating source for winter reading, for both of us).
It's a quick read- 60 mini pages- but filled with so many vigorous head-nodding statements, that I turned to Jer when I finished it (he hasn't read it yet), and said, "You know, we have so much potential to create together. Let's finally start doing that."

Here are some of my favorite thoughts of his:

"It's not about the money. Stuff will work out if you work hard. Trust your gut and make the choices you're afraid of. Don't believe them when they tell you to "follow the money." They say that shit because they're scared of losing security. Fuck security. Give us the mess. Give us the big splash of life and color and failure. It's beautiful."

"Don't waste your life in front of a screen. If given the choice, avoid any kind of prison. Especially the ones we put ourselves in. Friends don't let friends wilt away on the internet. Friends open doors and say, 'Hey, you wanna get out of here?'"

"This line always gets me: 'If your life was a movie, would you want to watch it?' I'd like to say yes, but a lot of the time I can't. And when I can't, I feel like a goddamn bomb about to explode. Can you say yes? Ask yourself that right now and if you don't like the answer, do something about it."

So there.

[Daniel Vlasaty · Rating 5 out of 5]

UPDATE: look this year's been hard on most of us. personally, aside from pandemic bullshit, it's mostly been full of isolation, increased drug use (relapse), and so much fucking self-hate.

and i like to dig this book out every so often when shit gets hard. or when i feel stuck. or when that big motherfuckin sad fucking smashes itself into my face over and over again.

but I'm sober again and just learning to not hate myself.

---

I didn't read this as a way to try to fix my depression (the big motherfuckin sad).

I just read it.

I saw a friend had listed it on goodreads and I bought it. And read it.

While I don't think this would actually be able to help cure depression. I don't think that's what it's about.

It's just about life. How it's good and how it's shitty. And how it's basically what you want it to be. How you can be happy doing what you're doing. And if you're not happy doing what you're doing maybe you should try doing something else. Something that will make you more happy.

I don't know. Maybe it's all bullshit. But I like the idea. If you're doing what makes you happy, then fuck everything else.

[K · Rating 2 out of 5]

A labor of love and starts strong, then gets yelly. And vague in a passive aggressive way, that makes you like wait, what was the beef this guy had with some internet haters?

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't have read this on a crappier day, Adam gnade saved me from the big motherfuckin' sad today. I loved it. I'm ordering more to give as gifts.

[Gea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came across this fierce sliver of wisdom in Asheville's Downtown Books & News. It was perched beside hand-stapled zines of anarchy and rebellion, furious shouts for freedom alongside transgendered musings and short stories scribbled in pen. I am so over self-help books, but this tongue-in-cheek Do-It Yourself Guide is more a philosophical framework, a world-view than anything else.

Here's a taste:

FIGHT EVERY DAY

Fight the critics. Fight the bank. Fight your creditors. Fight dismissiveness. Fight the publishers. Fight the agents. Fight fake friends. Fight the scene, the schmoozers, the phonies. Fight the lawyers. Fight the insurance companies. Fight sleep. Fight the neighbors. Fight the weather. Fight short attention spans. Fight the heat. Fight the drought. Fight time. Fight the recession. Fight the unkind. Fight the internet. Fight the past. Fight the dream-killers. Fight shit-talkers. Fight the morality police. Fight disinterest. Fight sickness. Fight boredom. Fight the public perception of you. Fight the airlines. Fight self-doubt. Fight the media. Fight your car. Fight the bosses. Fight the cowards. Fight irony. Fight laziness. Fight sarcasm. Fight exhaustion. Fight living in the shadow of your heroes. Fight your poverty. Fight your hunger (or don't). Fight the liberals, the conservatives, the Democrats, the Republicans, the anarchists, the Socialists, the Randites, the Tea Partyists, the Communists, the neocons, the plutocrats, the Dixiecrats, the fascists, ET CETERA. Fight the Huns, the Philistines, the Hoard, the Pack. Fight the Great Dumbing Down. Fight hopelessness. Fight rot. Fight traffic. Fight bias. Fight agenda. Fight death. Fight yourself. (And so on.)

****

Not very Zen I know, but something about this really resonates. He's saying, Never Surrrender. Don't Succumb to apathy. Screw a life of quiet desperation. DON'T SETTLE. You've got to fight to LIVE! I don't agree with all of it. My neighbors rock and I'm tired of fighting with Republicans (a lot of them are my friends!), but I f'n love Adam Gnade.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

What it says on the tin. It was fine. I don't think the author and I would enjoy hanging out with each other, tho.

[Bird Barnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I think of this as a guide I give it a 2 but if I think of it as a poem, a sort of “song of myself” I give it a 4. And I’m not quite sure what the original intention is so 3.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not sad. Frequently angry, but not sad. I also like to read something like this around the New Year and zines are better at mental resets than the often business-oriented positivity claptrap: More honesty, relatability, and delivered in mercifully concentrated doses that weed out the nonsense. I loved this.

[Devon DeRaad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Want to give a copy to all of the good people in my life

[Jannell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many things in this book seemed like "no duh," answers. At first. But after a second read, I realized that there were lots of things in here I needed to be reminded of. I enjoyed the list-style writing throughout most of the book. What I would have enjoyed more of is his little story parts that discuss his coming to these ideas. Overall, if you are feeling kind of alone and need some straight-shooter advice on getting out of a slump - this is a great, inexpensive little book for you.

[Charlie · Rating 5 out of 5]

it's like a good friend that you can sit down and speak with for a while.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even if you have never felt depression, this piece is a confirmation of many things that we don't say enough. It's okay to be exclusive when choosing your friends; not everyone deserves the extra energy you'd put forth for someone you love. Following your passion will be divisive at times, and you'll know when it's appropriate to fight for it. When you are discouraged and not seeing results of your efforts: "No matter how beat up you feel, you are at your best when you're fighting." I think you have to be very lucky to already know the truths that Gnade writes, but wise enough to revisit them here from time to time.

[John Isaacson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Straight-up, to-the-point advice for living a meaningful life in a meaningless world. My favorite thought-provoking lines: “Not everyone alive has survived childhood”, “Once you stop looking for an identity, you start to die”, and the more imagistic, “You know the feeling you get when you stare into the embers of a campfire and all this primordial QUIET comes over you and you feel so strong and calm and purposeful?” Yes, I know that feeling. Thank you for reminding me, Adam Gnade.

[Ashton · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I’m all for believing in what we do. I believe in work and self-seriousness and the quiet power of confidence and resolve. I believe in pushing for the thing you love until the fucking doors creak and break and smash inward with a great cloud of splinters and dust. But you need to know when to step back and have a laugh at your own expense and lose your driven fucking attitude for a while. A little pressure let off is a good thing. Taking yourself too seriously for too long will have the opposite effect on everyone else.”

No person will resonate with everything in this book. But everyone will resonate with at least one thing, and one thing will always stand out among the things that do resonate. This quote is what resonated most with me.

[Madeleine]

succinct and smart and riveting

[Leigh Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

In case of emergency, open zine.

This compact guide to DIY depression-busting is big on lists, self-compassion, and the importance of both independence and inter-dependence to mental and emotional wellness. It also says "fuck" a lot. Not a complaint. In fact, the tough-love vibe of this book may very well be the thing that appeals to people for whom normcore mental health solutions are either unappealing or unaffordable. Not meant as a substitute for meds or therapy, this tiny volume is more like the thing you carry around in your pocket and consult on a bad day. Kind of like the I Ching, but with depression.

Basically every zine library should have this in it, and you should buy a few for yourself and your friends at http://pioneerspress.com/ - they're $5, and if you don't have $5, come find me and I will fucking give it to you. That's how comforting and powerful this little zine is. Libraries that don't carry zines might not know where to shelve it, but you should still consider it for deposit and outreach collections, particularly if the population you serve struggles with mental health issues (and let's face it - who the fuck doesn't?). Highly recommended if you've ever had to cope with the ugly feels on a chronic / regular basis. Much gratitude to the Sojourner Truth Library at SUNY New Paltz that willingly sent this via ILL.

[Zade · Rating 3 out of 5]

More zine than book, this is an engaging and occasionally useful work about surviving in a world that doesn't much care if it makes you depressed so long as you keep trying to buy your way to happiness.

I am definitely not the demographic for this piece, but I can see a lot of good ideas in it and have recommended it to others who are more likely to identify with the author's point of view. (Young-ish, male, a creative/maker). That point of view alone makes this zine valuable. No matter how far we like to think we've come, US social norms still stigmatize men who face mental health problems, making it hard for them to seek help or even talk about their struggles. Gnade is having none of that. He is open and funny and angry and absolutely unwilling to pull any punches about the reality of depression and what it takes to survive it.

[Gail Ryver · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s 2020 and I just read the phrase ‘noble savage’ unironically. Gnade also gives such riveting advice as don’t go to prison if you can avoid it. Suffice it to say, this book is for white people by a white person. It displays a deeply out-of-touch author who is attempting to write about a universal experience from a privileged perspective. It made my anxiety worse because it reminded me yet again that dismissing any experience that is not white is par for the fucking course.

[Judi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this slowly over a couple of months... just a few pages at a time. It seemed like I picked up every part just when I needed to hear it. This had me cracking up and tearing up (sometimes at the same moment). I saw this recommended on a "top something or other of the year" books, and it was worth every penny. It's not Prozac, but it's sometimes a gentle hug, kick, or laugh you need.

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of good nuggets of wisdom in here. Gnade is a scrappy city boy who lives in Kansas now, while becoming one with open spaces and open hearts and punk-like idealism.
"One Thing I've Learned From the Farmers Around Here: Some things make you stronger. Some just make you old."

[J · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must have for everyone who struggles with anxiety and depression. I keep it at my bed side to have easy access to. I find myself regularly skimming through it.

Gnade's writing is creative and inspiring.

[Trace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just what I needed today.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not quite what I was expecting, to be honest. There were some parts that resonated with me, though. I will read the companion e-book and see if that changes my opinion.

[Dearwassily · Rating 3 out of 5]

A few good points, but I wish there had been more.

[Mary Slowik · Rating 3 out of 5]

Messy and contradictory and very, very Portland. It's also heartfelt and helpful and funny. A small serving of dirty gold.

Thank you to the person who got it for me.

"Fight death!"

[Grg]

Reads like a letter the author wrote to himself when he was feeling depressed. I could relate to some of it but other times I had no idea what he was talking about.

[Lynne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it. This is one I'm going to keep with me and pull out to go over when I need it.

[Elly Call · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book but ultimately it didn’t quite reach that level for me. There were some takeaway quotes about haters and internet haters especially that I liked, but ultimately:

1. My depression definitely manifests differently than his—when I’m really in it I have a lot of trouble getting things done. So his statements on finding ‘good people and friends that do things’ and ‘always fight’ brought up some shame. Those are very difficult depression activities for me!!

2. I read some reviews here about his ex-worker stuff—and I do find myself agreeing. I can technically function enough to work now but people can be depressed to the point of not being able to work even if they WANT to, and that’s disabilities that prevent people from working aside. So I think that part just wasn’t as researched.

3. It just didn’t resonate a ton with me, and that’s alright


Overall, I love a zine and this was clearly from the heart. Glad it exists, and that things like this can get published, but this book wasn’t for me.