Change: What Really Leads to Lasting Personal Transformation

by Jeffrey A. Kottler

Change is often a mystery, one that baffles doctors, therapists, teachers, coaches, parents--and especially those of us who struggle to alter our own bad habits or make lasting improvements in our lives. Why do we suddenly change for the better after years of failed efforts? Why do some of us never escape our self-destructive behaviors, even when we desperately want to? What is it that most reliably and effectively produces growth, learning, and development that persist over time?

In this vividly written volume, psychotherapist Jeffrey Kottler weaves together inspiring stories and the latest research, taking the reader on a fascinating exploration of human behavior while highlighting what does--and does not--lead to lasting change. Kottler illuminates our many efforts to change--to stop taking drugs, reduce dependencies, leave a destructive relationship, find new and more meaningful work, or adjust to a devastating accident or trauma. Readers are invited to explore key triggers such as hitting bottom, moments of clarity, the power of altruism and service, travel to new surroundings, reading or listening to stories, religious conversion, and much more. Kottler also explores why most changes don't last and what we can do to prevent relapses.

Throughout the book, Kottler recounts stories of colleagues and patients--and even recalls episodes from his own life-often moving tales of remarkable, unexpected, and lasting transformation. He looks, for instance, at a young black basketball star, confined to a wheelchair for life after being shot four times, who turned his life around, becoming a scholar and a PhD.

An intriguing glimpse into the complexity of the human psyche, Change will engage anyone who has ever struggled to alter a habit, enrich relationships, recover from disappointment or failure, strive for more meaningful and productive work, deal with anxiety, loneliness, fears, stress, and depression, or transform their lives in any kind of significant way.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Personal Development

376 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2013

About the author

Jeffrey A. Kottler is a professor, psychologist, author, consultant, workshop leader, keynote speaker, and social justice advocate who has spent the past 40 years working throughout the world to promote personal and professional development among professionals and marginalized groups. Jeffrey has worked as a teacher, counselor, therapist, and consultant in a variety of settings including a preschool, primary and secondary school, university, mental health center, crisis center, and corporate settings.

Reviews

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

BOTTOM-LINE:
It gave me the courage to get unstuck after 30 years
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PLOT OR PREMISE:
Kottler reflects on the literature and personal experiences as a psychologist about the elements that lead people to not only make changes in their life but also sustain those changes over the long-term
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WHAT I LIKED:
I had the pleasure of hearing Kottler speak as an honoured guest at my wife's university graduation ceremony, and he intrigued me enough on the subject of "change" -- what we know and what we don't know -- that I bought his book. It was the perfect book for me at this point in my life, as I've been wanting to make a significant change that has been holding me back for at least 30 years. I'm great at the day to day goal-setting stuff, but I needed to understand large scale change on a deeper level, and this book was ideal for that education. At the beginning, I was struck by a central question -- when does an alteration in attitudes, beliefs, behaviour, thinking, or feeling “count” as change, and how long does it have to last in order to qualify? In shorter terms, when does a temporary change become permanent and sustainable? Chapter 2 was an eye-opener -- hidden benefits from my current approach that resist change. Not the obvious ones but more internal ones that might even seem like positive traits in someone (being strong, standing up for oneself disguising some issues with temper, for instance). And some baby step coping techniques. Chapter 3 dealt more with the conditions that allow you to transition from temporary to permanent change, almost pre-conditions in some cases. Other chapters were relatively straight-forward: the power of story-telling (chapter 4); hitting bottom in various forms (chapter 5); how you react to trauma and whether it can be a positive catalyst (chapter 6); the limits to psychotherapy (chapter 7); change through physical travel or spiritual journeys (chapter 8); moments of clarity (chapter 9); and resolving conflicts in relationships (chapter 13). The last chapter -- Why Changes Don't Often Last (Chapter 14) -- was one that I was most looking forward in the book, and while he goes into various spins and examples, most of it seems to come down to varying forms of fear. It certainly did for me, and I find the chapter fantastic for presenting it quite concisely. In the end, the price of the book is worth it just to get the 7 pages at the end, if you have time for nothing else (308-315). I managed to use it create a six-part "to do" list / game plan for the change that I've been wanting to make, and for the first time in my life, I'm doing it. I'm six months in and it seems to be holding. It'll take another 18 months to "finish", but the book helped me get there. Onward to the journey!
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WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE:
Several chapters didn't really sing as well as the rest. Being happy (chapter 11) and transformation while helping others (12) were relatively bland, and a chapter on the importance of social capital (chapter 10) seemed almost like an afterthought.
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DISCLOSURE:
I received no compensation, not even a free copy, in exchange for this review. I am not personal friends with the author, nor do I follow him on social media.

[J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the New Testament Jesus Christ says early in His ministry, "Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!" When I found out that the Greek for "Repent" was "Metanoia" or "Change Your Mind" in a deep and profound way, I must confess I was hooked on psychology from that point forward and certainly became interested in Changes of the Mind, but not only to decide to change but to know how to sustain a substantial change.

In my journey's to understand Transformation and Change, I found this book, and on the whole it is very well written and very insightful. I would recommend taking notes from this book because, the tips and things to be mindful in this book are certainly helpful.

While I do not agree with every particular suggestion or analysis, the overall essence of the book I do agree with and believe that this book has something beneficial for any reader who wants to make a substantial and sustained change in their life. This book is realistic and not touchy feely per se, and has plenty of footnotes and graphics to help his case and suggestions along.

[Bert Gavel · Rating 3 out of 5]

The man knows how to write and is clearly enjoying himself in this book, being mixing erudition, warmth and sharpness. In the end it didn't, for me compensate for the fact that all this has been written time and again. The chapter on the opportunities and limits of therapy versus other life changing processes and events does stand out and is worth reading on its own. It combines study, warmth and insight both from the practitioner and client point of view. That alone gets it above the three star threshold.

[Zhuo Zhang · Rating 4 out of 5]

This should be a must-read for everyone who is seeking for long lasting change. It touches a lot of issues: Happiness is overrated. Finding the meaning is the key. Relationship is the significant factor contributing to one's happiness. Long lasting change is not a myth, even though it is hard to achieve. The book provides a lot of vivid examples and little tables with the lists which are very important to the points that the author wants to convey.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

Found this quite an effortful read, and some chapters felt quite tangential to the topic. While it did cover some interesting insights, overall I found it tricky to really get exactly at the question "what leads to lasting change", particularly as some chapters seemed to focus on happiness rather than change. This seemed to be quite a broad but not focused look at change and specifics. If looking for a practical guide, I'm not sure this is it.

[Alyssa Gaede · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spoiler alert: There are no concrete answers. :) This is a good book, full of relatively interesting stories. I admire that Kottler can say with with all experience and all of his degrees, he still does not know the answer. I found the book entertaining, at least, though not very inspirational. That, however, may have been precisely the point.

[RPlumtree · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent resource to what motivates clients towards therapeutic changes. It also helps better understand the role played by therapists. Change is also considered in other contexts other than therapy.

[Spenser Gabin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book distinguishes itself from typical self-help books because it focuses on what actually sustains change over time, not just what initiates actions or plans to change. I very much enjoyed it.

[Marita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy to read and understand. Some surprising insights into humanity's difficulty to change for the better.