The Good Life

by Hugh Mackay

"No one can promise you that a life lived for others will bring you a deep sense of satisfaction, but it's certain that nothing else will."

Hugh Mackay has spent his entire working life asking Australians about their values, motivations, ambitions, hopes and fears. Now, in The Good Life, he addresses the ultimate question: What makes a life worth living?

His conclusion is provocative. The good life is not the sum of our security, wealth, status, postcode, career success and levels of happiness. The good life is one defined by our capacity for selflessness, the quality of our relationships and our willingness to connect with others in a useful way.

Mackay examines what is known as the Golden Rule through the prisms of religion, philosophy, politics, business and family life. And he explores the numerous and often painful ways we distract ourselves from this central principle: our pursuit of pleasure, our attempts to perfect ourselves and our children, and our conviction that we can have our lives under control.

Argued with all the passion and intelligence we have come to expect from one of Australia's most prolific and insightful authors, The Good Life is a book that will start conversations, ignite arguments and possibly even change the way we live our lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Philosophy, Psychology, Self Help, Australia, Book Club, Audiobook

272 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2013

About the author

Hugh Mackay is a social researcher and novelist who has made a lifelong study of the attitudes and behaviour of Australians. He is the author of twelve books, including five bestsellers. The second edition of his latest non-fiction book, Advance Australia…Where? was published in September 2008, and his fifth novel, Ways of Escape was published in May 2009.

He is a fellow of the Australian Psychological Society and received the University of Sydney’s 2004 Alumni Award for community service. In recognition of his pioneering work in social research, Hugh has been awarded honorary doctorates by Charles Sturt, Macquarie and NSW universities.

He is a former deputy chairman of the Australia Council, a former chairman of trustees of Sydney Grammar School, and was the inaugural chairman of the ACT government’s Community Inclusion Board. He was a newspaper columnist for almost 30 years and now writes occasionally for The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and The West Australian. He is a frequent guest on ABC radio.

- Biography from Hugh Mackay's website

Reviews

[Mary-lou · Rating 4 out of 5]

I agree with almost all of Mackays reflections. His main theory is a good life is not found by thinking an happy, utopian,life is a good life. A good life involves treating others as you would like to be treated in all situations. He seems to think this involves some effort and the ability to let go of our own importance. I think this state is reached not through negating the self but by coming to a deep understanding of the Self. The Self being that universal unchanging part of us which is always present
no matter what is happening in our life. I think Mackay would view my opinion as complicating the issue by bringing in a spiritual practice but for me it makes the ideas he outlines in his book as representing the only way to live.

[Anne Lynch · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is always good to think about how we behave and how we could live a better life. As with all of these books about finding a meaning to our life however, much of it is common sense and maybe for that reason I find them a little obvious. Having said that he does write very well, except some of the examples were really lame, the chicken story anyone? I am also still tortured by the idea that any woman over 40 still wearing jeans is just trying to desperately hold onto their youth. Does not comfort and a lack of any time and/or imagination when getting dressed not play a part? I could go on.

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a thought-provoking book about, as Hugh Mackay puts it in the introduction, 'a morally praiseworthy life...a life devoted to the common good.' Initially I thought that sounded rather bland and unexciting, pious even, but as the book developed, I found it wasn't the case at all. The author makes several important points about modern society, particularly regarding the 'Utopia complex' - the self-indulgent search for happiness which often makes people more miserable, and how the emphasis on developing self-esteem in children at the expense of reality and common sense is resulting in an attitude of entitlement and lack of resilience in the coming generation.

The premise on which the book is based - that the most satisfaction will be gained from a life that's lived for others rather than yourself - is not new, but the author comes to this conclusion only after detailed discussion on alternative points of view, old and new philosophies and lifestyles and the myriad paths we can go down to find happiness and peace of mind.

The only thing that jarred was the little scenarios he creates with fictional characters to demonstrate various ideas - they didn't always work and some of them, I thought, were a bit corny. Other than that, a well-researched and rewarding read.

[Cheryl Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just read first chapter and thoroughly enjoying his analysis of the Utopia Complex.

[Martyn Shedd · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are a lot of how truths here I would like to see kids reading this because it might set them on a better path. It is eminently readable thought at sometimes labored.

[Kathy Reid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful, well researched and challenging.

[DonutKnow · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the last quote in the postscript sums up the message that Mackay tries to get across:

'It's not a question of survival of the fittest; ultimately, it's a question of survival of the species.'

I mostly got the importance of selflessness and not expecting something in return for whatever kindness you give. The idea of everyone wanting to be taken seriously was enlightening, as was the distinction between 'active listening' and merely 'hearing someone out'.

I also really enjoyed reading the anecdotes dotted throughout the book, that applied the ideas that Mackay was explaining about.

I found insights in this book, but like many in this genre, there is always another that may say something different. But I did look forward to reading the anecdotes in every chapter.

[Skadi · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first of three in a series that examines our values as a society. The Good Life brings our moral compass under the microscope and looks at how chasing happiness does not equal goodness. Mackay does not preach about a life of service to others as the only model of a good life but he does make you think long and hard about what we as a society have chosen to uphold and how as individuals we can change this for our own benefit and for the society we live in. It was a refreshing read in a world that rewards busy and seems to run on stress and it is always good to stop and ask why.

[Paul Kerr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice reminders of the things that are important.

[Reannon Bowen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook of this. Most of what is said can be seen as common sense but there are nuggets of interesting thoughts scattered throughout. The anecdotes are sometimes relatable, sometimes not. Not a bad book but not really anything new either.

[Katelyn Martin · Rating 3 out of 5]

A comforting and clarifying read - especially for those while feel cut loose from their previous ideologies and need a little hand holding in the rebuilding process.

[Boy Blue · Rating 2 out of 5]

Again a misleading title. This book is mostly about the bad life. It defines the good life largely through negative relief. It's largely an analysis of why everyone is currently unhappy and unfulfilled.

There are a few good quotes in here from other more esteemed and established thinkers but Mackay's entire point about the good life boils down to:

Live life for others rather than yourself.

Everything else comes under The Golden Rule which he thinks is awesome. I found myself nodding along with his analysis of why first world societies are unhappy but when I got to the end of the book I thought the entire thing could have been compressed into a single paragraph.

To make matters worse Mackay sprinkles the text with some amateurish character studies. e.g.

"Phil's upset with his wife, she has been drinking more and more Savvy B each night and rather than the sort of discussions he wants about how NZ Savvy B is taking over the Australian wine market she mostly wants to talk about her friend Nina and her crumbling marriage. Phil can't help but feel his own marriage is heading down the same sewage pipe as Nina's. If only his wife could see that."

I'll save you the effort of reading this.

Live life for others, build community, make others happy, focus on what you can give not what you can receive, listen.

The End

[Kylie Purdie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hugh Mackay defines the good life as one lived for others - "defined by our capacity for selflessness, the quality of our relationships and out willingness to connect with others in a useful way."

Mackay suggests that our focus on ourselves, the misplaced importance on accumulating money and possessions is leading us into a misguided idea of a good life. He has no problem with money and possessions - just the use of them to measure our worth.
Instead he suggests that a truly good life is lead if you follow the golden rule - do to others as you would have them do to you. (Interesting point - this rule or a version of it has been around a lot longer than it's religious connotations. All ancient civilizations has a variation on the theme...) Something that is not as easy as it sounds.
The Good Life feels laboured at times, but in the end I really enjoyed it. I found it useful and meaningful without being preachy. Unlike many self help/ motivational books, it didn't feel like it was telling me my life was wrong and if I don't change I would be miserable. In fact I think Hugh Mackay has struck the right balance and he'd be a most interesting man to sit and chat with.

[Karen Mcallister · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have enjoyed all of Hugh Mackay’s books, including this one. Rather than provide an in-depth review of the book I’d like to pass comment on the irony of some of the negative reviews here. It is fine to have an opinion but please practice voicing that opinion sensitively and kindly. What may seem logical and common sense to you is not so for others and we could all do with reminding “to live as fully engaged members of the society that sustains us; and accept some responsibility for the wellbeing of those around us”

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

As I read this I found myself nodding in agreement with many of the author's points. However, as I read on it felt like he was just stating the obvious. After all, if we listen to the media or our own commonsense then we know that material possessions don't necessarily bring happiness and that good relationships are the key to a successful life. Or do we? Hugh Mackay seems to think that we don't and his book is like an overlong sermon that some of us don't want to hear. From the anecdotes in his book it seems that we need a life changing experience: poor health, an accident or some other loss, to make us realise the importance of family and friends. Unfortunately, I don't think this book will change many people's behaviour as those who probably need to read it won't.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book made me think...a lot. Writing in his usual urbane, dispassionate manner, Mackay explores the concept of 'the good life' and looks as contemporary understanding through a long-term lens. I decided that on the whole I do live a good life as defined by Mackay and that I can do better. I decided, also, that I have had a life that has been good as the sum of its parts and that I must not be complacent, which I try hard not to be. I recommend the book as a gentle prod to some self-reflection and personal stock-taking no matter what stage of life you may be.

[Meaghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought-provoking on both a personal and professional level. Like all his books, I will return to this at times as he has such an insightful style. He is often able to give words to something that has only been a nebulous concept for me.

[ImLucky · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is one of the best book I have read so far.
The good life is all about sharing and giving rather then taking and boasting about yourself.
Enjoy this book guys.
Cheers & thanks for wonderful thoughts.

[Kirsti · Rating 3 out of 5]

A thought provoking book about how to live a life of meaning rather than striving for happiness. It was a slow read for me but it did provoke lots of dinner time discussion.

[Sean Finn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book on what I'd think of as practical philosophy in that it allows a simpleton like myself to understand how I can live a life o purpose. One that is good and allows me to know what good is.

[Andrew Harten · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book examines the notion of happiness or satisfaction in our lives. The conclusion is that happiness ultimately lies not in what we can get our ourselves but in our relationships with others.

[Heather Browning · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had picked up this book thinking it would be about wellbeing - a good life in terms of what is good for its bearer; perhaps an examination of those things which have been found to be truly beneficial for people to have. Instead, it was about morality - a good life in terms of what is good for the world, for others. The first couple of chapters had a very strong 'kids these days' sort of vibe, complaining about all the ways in which we are becoming more selfish, more sheltered etc. etc. Although some of it is probably true, the tone of complaint was a little hard to take. Moving on to how we might live a (morally) good life was more interesting - although much of it was really quite obvious, there were some specific tips about how to treat others with kindness and respect that I found worth thinking about. Overall, you could probably get most of the important material from a decent blog post though; it didn't feel necessary to be spread over an entire book.

[Vaughan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Essentially the book comes down to - don't be a dick, do be considerate and offer service to others… Nothing earth shattering, pity some people need to be reminded.

Other interesting thoughts
• Over praised, over indulged, children eventually find out they are not the centre of the universe. Many can't handle this and struggle in the real world.
• Some people are like keels of a boat... They stabilise everything, but rarely get to put their head above water, to soar, and enjoy the ride
• Individual awards can detract from the team goal... These can become ends to themselves, drive incorrect behaviour, or kill enthusiasm when they are not attained
• Self control is more useful and leads to more happiness than self esteem
• Sadness should be embraced... We Learn more through our trials than by being happy
• Would you rather be happy or worthy of happiness?

[Jennifer Rolfe · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had the same problems with this book as I had when studying Maslow's 'Heirarchy of Needs' - a very white, middle-class male's idealization of how to live 'life'. Very superficial and certainly not very political.

[Kirsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm giving this book 5 stars on the basis that I was constantly recommending it to people and writing down quotes that I wanted to hold on to. On that basis I consider it deserving of 5 stars. In a way it was a tough read, as it pulled me up on my self indulgent and self absorbed tendencies. It also posits that happiness is not the be all we should be aiming for, or even skewed towards, criticising for example the suggestion that we should list things we should be grateful for every day. Instead, the good life is a whole life, with value in all emotions, and our focus should be on kindness and contributing to the wellbeing of others.

Here are some of the quotes I particularly enjoyed.

“a preoccupation with personal identity can isolate us from full engagement with our social identity, the identity that springs from our roles as members of families, friendship circles, neighbourhoods, organisations, communities. We are, by our very nature, social creatures. We are in this thing together.”P98

Intelligence – “People who experience the joy of participation in the creative arts don’t need superior intelligence; nor do those who enjoy the richness of their emotional response to music, movies or well-played sport, or those who offer loving care and support to their families and friends, and to people in need who happen to lie beyond their social circle. No, intelligence is not the place to look if you’re trying to decipher the codes of human behaviour: it is neither interesting nor significant as a discriminator of anything except people’s ability to perform particular tasks… The thing to strive for – the thing to nurture in our children – is not only the maximising of our intellectual potential, but the maximising of our potential for goodness.” p105.

Leadership (in discussing corruption of power/fame) “This has nothing to do with the fact that every society, every community, every organisation needs its leaders – people who are prepared to take on the mantle of responsibility for others’ wellbeing; people capable of inspiring and encouraging others to become the best they can be. Self-sacrificial leadership is a social good, and leaders deserve our respect and gratitude for taking on that onerous role.” P110.

Teaching – “She was a natural teacher – warm, intelligent, creative, meticulous – but there was something more. She empowered children by believing in them so they came to believe in themselves. She set high standards of behaviour – old-fashioned courtesy, respect for others…Her life – one of integrity, faith, humour, kindness and courage – is a reminder that depth counts as much as breadth.” P114.

Einstein quote “Try not to become a man of success, but rather a man of value” P114.

Love – “Love, in all its many manifestations – kindness, care, compassion, generosity, tolerance, encouragement, support – is the source of everything we admire and appreciate most in human behaviour” P128.

“If love is the ultimate source of goodness in our lives, it follows that the good life is primarily about others” P128.

Good life, putting convictions into practice – “How would you actually live by the so-called Golden Rule, even if you really wanted to? ‘Do unto others as you would have others do unto you’? It sounds like the recipe for a good life, but how in practice do you stifle your perfectly natural urges towards greed, ambition, competitiveness or revenge, the very things likely to leach goodness out of your life? How do you shed grudges you actually enjoy carrying? How do you find the emotional wherewithal to forgive someone who’s wronged you? How do you let go of stuff you’ve done in the past?” p 129-130.

“The good life is not about being smart, rich, famous or sure of yourself…The whole idea of a good life will evaporate if we focus on ourselves and what we’re getting out of it. In particular, if we allow ourselves to become preoccupied with how we’re feeling about our life, whether we’re up or down on particular days or whether people are treating us well or badly in a particular situation, we may lose sight of what goodness really is. Self-absorption is not a recognised pathway to goodness, let alone to enlightenment or fulfilment.”p157-158.

Morality – recognise, respect and respond to each other’s rights and needs. “In practice, it’s about the strong supporting the weak, the haves sharing their prosperity with the have nots, the able offering guidance and support to the less able.”p159.

“Morality doesn’t ask questions about whether the poor or needy deserve our support. People who are sick, distressed, or disabled in some way don’t need to justify their appeal for our help: their situation is its own justification. The mere existence of a need defines our moral duty. Refugees need a home…” p159.

“Morality is like a blueprint for managing our relationships with those we love and those we don’t – especially those we don’t, since it’s easy to respond well to those we love.” P160.

“You don’t have to be rich to leave a positive legacy; you don’t have to be intelligent, famous, powerful or even particularly well organised, let alone happy. You need only to treat people with kindness, compassion and respect, knowing they will have been enriched by their encounters with you.” P256

[Rosemary · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book that everyone should read at least once during their lifetime. It reminds us of how we should interact with one another by utilizing the message of the Golden Rule. In our fast paced, selfish and materialistic society Hugh's message brings us all back down to earth with a thud! I'll be handing it around to members of my family to read.

[Alana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is not what I expected. It's an anti-self-help-book of sorts, encouraging a good life on a moral basis (rather than a happy one). It's filled with relatable stories and offers meaningful advice, such as to forgive generously.

[Vishal Choudhary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Too detailed on each topic and i have lost interest while reading. Covering good life meaning basically to spent life helping others and society

[Chantelly Low · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that really makes you think about the meaning of life.

[J · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it - got me thinking about my own take on a good life with all my prejudices and baggage.